Ferrara 1

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Francesca Ferrara
Mrs. Coco
English 1001
22 September7 December 2015
Audience: freshman in high school or freshman in college; anyone that needs to feel
empowered
Preface
After the peer review, I cut out sentences that were unnecessary and were just fluff. I also
added some key details. After the cut- and- tape revision exercise, I decided to combine two
paragraphs that served the same purpose. The paragraphs were fairly short and did not need to
drawn out into two separate paragraphs. I think that these revisions mostly affected the
organization and focus of my paper. They made my writing and story a lot more concise and
clear. The peer review and cut and tape exercise made me very aware of how exactly each
paragraph ties back to my main point and thesis. However, I question some of the things I took
out of the paper during the peer review because I do not want my voice and personality as a
writer to be diminished. My three biggest concerns about the draft would be maintaining focus
throughout the story, whether or not my message and story resonates with the audience,
and whether the organization is really as clear as I think it is or if the paper is confusing and
just a jumble of thoughts.
How My Biggest Failure Became My Biggest Comeback
1. I have always been the smart kid in my family. I was earliest of all my siblings to read,
won the spelling bee, and teachers even saved my essays for future examples. My parents were
always bragging about their little genius, but that made me lazy. In middle school, I did not
have to study or put in much effort to get good grades. Learning just came naturally to me.
However, that all changed when I began high school at St. Josephs Academy and my world was
flipped inside out.
2. I still remember my first day of high school. Based on my high entrance test scores, I was
placed into all honors classes. I was especially excited for honors English. I had heard a lot from

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some of my older friends that honors and SJA curriculum was nothing like middle school. I
thought to myself, it will not be hard for me, I am super smart and barely study. Little did I
know, I was dead wrong.
3. The readings and essays started piling up and I could not handle it. I had trouble adapting
to these new, longer and more complicated essays. My head was left spinning when we were
required to write on mature novels like Jane Eyre. Before long, I began to develop a phobia of
writing. Just getting assigned an essay put me into a state of panic. I would just sit staring at my
screen on the verge of tears. My brain would just switch it off it seemed like. Writers block was
nothing compared to what I was experiencing.
I was soon labeled as the unorganized kid, who turns in her essays three days late. Once all
this began showing in my grades, the administration did not approve me to stay in honors
English for sophomore year. I felt like I failed teachers, my parents, and myself.
4. Finally, I decided to take action. I organized a meeting with my English teacher, the head
of academics, the counselor and my parents. Basically, the most terrifying people to me at the
time, all in one room. Most terrifying of all was theThe head of academics (I will call her Ms.
Smith to keep her identity a secret since she lives here). To me, Ms. Smith was the equivalent of
a thundercloud constantly raining droplets of disapproval over my head. Just the sight of her in
the halls would put me in a nervous sweat.
I knew, Ms. Smith, had already labeled me a slacker and had no trouble letting me know she
was very hesitant to even hold the meeting. I remember her emailing me that she was not sure
how much good the meeting would do. During the meeting, I pleaded to my teacher and
promised to work extremely hard. I told her of my paper phobia and that I was working on it. I
explained how the transition had caused me to become some anxious girl I did not recognize. I

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even started to have reoccurring stress dreams where I was late for English class.how hard the
transition has been on me everyone there seemed to understand my struggleShe understood and
was very understanding. On the other end of the tableExcept , Ms. Smith, who was very
adamant about not giving me a second chance. Every time I said something, her reply always
included something to imply that I was trying to get special treatment. She even went on to
question whether I was even capable of handling the course load in the first place. I will never
forget her final comment, easier courses seem to be a better fit for you.
5. By the end of the meeting, Ms. Smith had been overruled. Either all the Every pleas I
made and point I made had resonated with convinced my teacher, Ms. Douet, to offer me a deal
or she just wanted to get out of there as badly as I didbut for whatever reason she offered me a
deal. If I could make an A for the second semester, I could move onto sophomore honors
English. I left that conference room with a determination in me like I had never felt before. I had
to prove Ms. Smith wrong if it killed me. And proving Ms. Smith wrong is exactly what I did.
I finished that semester with a shiny golden A+, but my new motivation kept going.
I got a tutor and started doubling my study hours. My motivation and dedication started to
pay off. Throughout my high school career, I was chosen to read aloud at countless important
assemblies and even led a few clubs. I shined in my English classes and in particular my senior
year.
6. My senior year, I was lucky enough to have the best English teacher I have ever been
taught by. Mrs. Zeller was half-insane, but I connected with her crazy teaching style and my
writing gained a more mature voice. She made class interesting by updating our notes on old
stories to connect with modern people today. She added comedy, which made me want to learn
and be active in her class. My proudest literary moment was my final essay. It was an analysis

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on the essay Shitty First Drafts. You could really feel my comedy and sarcasm show through.
The essay was to be graded by a real college professor at LSU to prepare us for college English. I
put my heart and soul into that paper. The paper was full of my personality and really showed
how much I had grown as a writer.
7. When the class got our grades back, almost everyone was disappointed in their grades.
However, I was beaming. I had received almost a perfect score and the professor LOVED my
writing. That paper was final proof that I belonged in the honors English program. I still have
that paper saved on my computer as a symbol of my strength and determination.
8. I briefly lost my confidence and fire in my writing, but I fought for it back and won. I want
to leave you with a challenge. If anyone, no matter who they are or how old or whatever, tells
you that you cannot do something, DARE to prove them wrong. My mom always tells us a little
phrase, If it is to be, it is up to me! Everyone should live by that motto. A person can choose to
live by how they are labeled by others, or they can make a new label for themselves. From then
on, I have told this to myself every time I encounter a Ms. Smith.
Everyone gets their drive and persistence from a different place. For instance, my driving
force came in the form of an unpleasant and impudent administrator. On the other hand, my
youngest sister, who is ten, is motivated to do schoolwork because of her love of dance. She
knows that if she gets a bad grade, my parents will not let her continue competition dance.
That leads me to another thought How do the motivating forces in our lives change as we
mature? I still have Ms. Smith in the back of my mind motivating me, but as the years go by and
I do not see her everyday, I have developed new reasons to want to succeed. As a college student,
I want to do well to repay my parents for supporting me and I want to do well for myself and my
future. So I leave my audience with a thought What motivates you and why?

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I am proud to be able to say, despite Ms. Smith, I excelled throughout high school and
continue to prove her wrong everyday.
Aud. 3
Devel. 1
Org. 3
Focus 2
Total- 46 / 50 *I deducted a few points for the Process Preface. I needed more details about your
revisions.