Robert Brier

Eng 101
Professor Andersen
10 December 2015

Final Portfolio Peer review

Numero Uno:

I decided to read over Toms final draft of the inquiry project. As I read through this
paper I felt as though it is very strong, you can tell he is passionate about the topic of football
potentially causing health problems in the years after playing. You can tell Tom took time to
research the topic due to the use of statistics, which make his essay stronger overall. Even though
this paper is very strong I feel as though one of the weaknesses would be the overall layout of the
paper and the minimal source integration. I say the layout of the paper is weak because it does
not follow the proper APA format. For example: the abstract and work cited page are supposed to
be on separate pages, but instead they overlap with the remainder of the paper. Also source
integration tends to be very minimal, I only saw one paragraph that contained more than one
source. I feel if he integrates his sources more it would have made his paper much stronger as a
whole. It also would have allowed for more/ deeper conversation about his piece as a whole, and
potentially connect to more people. What stands out to me is the statistics that Tom used within
the essay. As I read the paper it was not loose it was pretty thorough, due to the use of statistics
to back up claims and further support his thesis. I found it particularly interesting due to the fact
that a new movie is coming out, starring Will Smith, that has to do with injuries caused by

football. Honestly, I do not see much meaning behind the overall layout of the project, but I do
feel as though it makes sense because as you move through the Prezi it goes in chronological
order. I feel as though Tom may need to add some pictures, videos, and/or audio in order to have
a much stronger portfolio as a whole.

Numero Dos:

As I read through the second and final draft I noticed many changes within the
organizational structure of the paper. For starters, he added an abstract and a citation page, which
was one of the requirements of this project. I feel as though the abstract, although very short,
adds to the project as a whole and gives a quick summary of what will be discussed within the
paper. As I continued to read I noticed that in the final draft, his paragraphs were broken up more
and separated. I feel that this was a smart idea because when the paragraph is too wordy it tends
to get boring and dis interests the reader. I feel as though this organizational aspect of the paper
was executed quite nicely because breaking up the paragraph adds to the overall fluidity of the
paper. He also tended to add some new paragraphs with more information to make his main idea
much stronger. Toms overall organization made the paper much more interesting and to the
point, making his overall work more clear and concise. As a whole, I feel as though he did a
very nice job with the overall structure of the paper.

Numero Tres:

As I took one final look at Toms portfolio I noticed the fluidity of his project. He created
a prezi which has a specific order. It goes in chronological order, determined by the order in

which we did the assignments in class. I feel as though this made the overall portfolio easy to
manage. In all honesty, looking at the portfolio it seems to be a little bland and unfinished. I feel
as though there needs to be some other elements:such as videos, audio, and photos. Adding other
elements to this piece will add to the overall appeal of this project and make it much more
interesting to the readers. The strengths would be what I said prior about the order of the way the
pieces are presented. It gives the reader direction, and for the most part makes perfect sense. The
weakness would be the lack of color and other elements. Like I said before i feel as though it is
somewhat bland. I feel as though if there was more color to the portfolio and possibly some
photos and/ or videos it would make the portfolio much more inviting and interesting. I feel as
though more needs to be added in order to meet the requirements of the project, but overall this
is a great start.

Nmero Cuatro:

I feel as though these workshops have made me a much better writer. As a whole I have
become much more open to the opinions of others when it comes to my writing. I feel as though
I have become a stronger writer, and I have grown to pay attention more to detail when it comes
to writing. What I might do to further my peer workshopping skills is to read the person's work
more thoroughly. Of course I always read their work, but sometimes I read it in less detail. If I
read more in depth it will give the writer better feedback, and as a whole better their writing.