Carr,1

LaurenCarr
Mrs.Rutan
CreativeWriting
16December2015

ACalamity

Anotherxonthefamilytree.Anotherlovedonegonetoosoon.Anothermemorylefttohaunt
mythoughts.

Hello...yes,ImLeah,atighteningfeelinginmythroatbeganasthenextfewwordsspilled
out,herdaughter.

Thewords
accident
and
didntmakeit
lingeredinLukestruckasthephoneslippedfromthe
gripofmyhand.
Thiscantbehappening!Ithasntevenbeenayearsincewelostdad.
Thoughts
ofthepastranfranticinmyheadasIstaredattheblurringgreenofthepassingtreeswithout
realizingLukesanxiousdarkbrowneyesjumpingbackandforthfromfocusingontheroadand
me.Iwaslostinthought.

Leah,heturnedtolookatmeLeah,thenthetruckjoltedtohaltthrowingmybodyforward
toonlyberestrainedbytheseatbeltacrossmychestLeah!screechedLukeashisvoice
progressivelygrewlouderwithconcern.

ThereisntarightwaytoinformsomeoneespeciallyLukeaboutthenewsgiventomebya
completeandutterlyapatheticstranger.ThetruckcametohaltonthesideoftheroadasLukeno
longershiftedhiseyesbetweentheroadandmeinsteadtheoncecomfortingbrowneyesturned
intoexpressionlesseyesthatonlyfocusedonthelongingdarknessoftheroadahead.
HowdoI
tellLuke?WhatamIsupposedtosay?
Questionsbouncedaroundmyheadasrealitycreeped
backintomymind.IbegantoshiftmybodytowardsLukehopingIcouldbuildupthenerveto
speak.

Therewasanaccident...thewordsslowlypouredoutofmymouth,adriverswervedinto
momslane...shedidntmakeit.Myvisionbecameblurryastearsbegantoformasthelastfour
wordsescapedmylips.

Silence.

Luke?Iwhisperedasmyeyescapturedthesightofhiswearyface.Hedidntmakeasound
noranymovementsIquestionedwhetherhewasevenbreathing.Hewassimplystaringoffinto
thedistanceasifwaitingforsomethingtooccurasiffrozenintime.

Whatdowedo?Whatisgoingtohappentoustome?thepalmsofmyhandsslidbackand
forthasafeelingofyearningforanswersfilledme.Noresponse.
Idontknowwhattodo.I
dontwanttobelieveanyofthisIdont.

Carr,2

****
Daysofsilencefollowedasthefuneralapproached,leavingmetocomefacetofacewiththe
realismofaparentlesslife.
Whydidthishappentome?Whydidyouhavetogo?Iwasntready
tobeonmyown.
Ithoughttomyselfasmybodyfacedtowardsthemidnightblackcasketthatis
nowhometotheremainsofsomeoneIcalledmom.Thecreakofafloorboardechoed
throughouttheemptychurchasLukewandereduppastthebarerowsofpewswherethepeople
wholovedandadmiredmymomsaidtheirfinalgoodbyes.

Leah.Hestopsinhistracksandgentlyplaceshishandonmystiffshoulder,Itstimetogo.
Thesoundofhisserenevoicebroughtmebackfromtheendlessthoughts.Thosewerethefirst
exchangeofwordsbetweenthetwoofussincethenightIreceivedthephonecall.Ithadbeen
fivedayswithoutconversations,fivedayswithoutbreakingdownintotears,andfivedays
withoutgrieving.

ButIfidgetedwitheachfingerasifitwereanervoushabit.ImdontIcantsay
goodbye.IcouldfeelitIcouldfeelmyeyesbegintowaterandthepainofnotwantingtolet
gowerestuckinmythroat.

YoudontitsnotagoodbyeHisarmswrappedaroundmeasheslidintothepewtosit
down.Itstimetogonow.Wevegoteachothertolookafter.Themomentofcontenthad
disappearedasLukecalmlyrosefromthepewandthenlookedinmydirectionforsomething
maybeasignofunderstandingfromme.

Okay.TheonewordwasallIcouldmanagetosayifIweretosayanymore,IdontthinkI
couldkeepmyselftogether.
ItsjustmeandLuke.Wecangetthroughthis,right?Icant,butI
haveto.IhavetodoitforLuke,butformealso.
Theconversationsthatoccupiedmymindmy
thoughtsweretheonlyformofcommunicationIcouldhandle.

Okaywasthelastwordtocomeoutofmymouthbeforethedaywhereeveryfeeling,every
thought,andeverymemorycamerushingoutmynervousbreakdownorsothename
professionalscallit.