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THE MAYBERRY TIMES

February 14, 2016

MAYBERRY BEST NEWS!

10

Zac Efron Speeding at

Mayberry Drive!
By: Vanessa Barrios

As we all know, a scene is being shot

in the town of Mayberry for Zac Efrons
new comedy. Yesterday, the 28-year-old
heart throb was pulled over by Sheriff
Andy Taylor because of speeding. The
speed limit at Mayberry Drive is 35
miles per hour and Efron was going 55
miles per hour. Witness, Beatrice
Taylor, said I almost dropped my
groceries while I was walking. That red
Ferrari almost blew me away, but once I
saw it was Zac Efron I sure did drop
them groceries. Efron was let go with
the condition that he stands trial.
Deputy Barney Fife explained, Speeding
in excess posted limits is a serious
crime in this town. Efron is to stand
trial on the 28th of this month.

Root Beer Banned from Mayberry

By Kelli Aston

At the annual Mayberry 4th of July celebration people were lined up along
Main Street with banners, American flags, and ice cold root beer. Barney Fife
and Andy Taylor were on hand to keep the crowd under control, as they know
how root beer can really start a party in our town! Halfway through the
parade Barney spotted Otis speeding down the street in his pickup truck, so
he quickly pulled out his water gun and demanded Otis get out of the vehicle.
He obeyed and jumped out with a root beer in hand, but the truck kept moving!
Barney, Otis, and Andy were seen chasing the truck, trying to stop it from
mowing down the entire town. Andy was quick on his feet and was able to jump
in and stop the truck before it reached the bake sale table and ruined all of
Aunt Beas pies. An angry Andy climbed on top of the truck and announced that
root beer was now banned from Mayberry, so everyone will have to pick another
poison from now on.

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Barber Shop Miracle

By: Sidney Iannucci

On a normal day in Mayberry, news

always seems to spread like a wild
fire throughout the town but today
the news sadly did not spread fast
enough for some people in the town..
Sunday's are always a big haircut day
for the town which means a busy day
for the only place to get a haircut,
Floyd's Barber Shop. We all know that
our dear barber Floyd Lawson has
slowly lost his knowledge in the
haircutting world, but has always
been our go to for our hairstyling.
Today the haircutting world in
Mayberry saw a new light; Floyd was
making hairdo dreams come true. We do
not know where it came from but Floyd
Lawson has got his groove back. He
was on a fast pace role all day and
had absolutely no lines waiting
outside his doors. On top of that,
any customer seen walking out of
Floyd's Barber Shop was sporting the
best hair do they have worn since
their first haircut by Floyd. It is a
miracle people; our town barber has
found his magic touch! We have yet to
discover the source to what has made
this dramatic change in Floyd's
skills. Rumors have been said that he
has found love in a new online
romance. These rumors have not yet
been confirmed or denied by Lawson
but if they are true we vote her as a
keeper in our eyes. All we know now
is that you all need to rush down to
Floyd's Barber Shop today and get
yourself the best hairdo of your
lifetime.

$1 OFF COUPON
AT FLOYDS BARBER SHOP

HOT DOG EATING

CONTEST
By: Christine Ghisoiu

It is that time of the year

again!!! Our annual Mayberry Hot
Dog Eating Contest is in full
effect. If you would like to
participate we have two spots left.
HURRY it will fill up fast! Lets
give our all time winner John Hicks
a run for his money this year. He
has won for the past six years. Is
there anyone out there that can
beat him? It will take place in
Center Park at 3:00 pm. Make sure
you apply your sunscreen, drink
plenty of water, and enjoy our
favorite competition!

Animal Escaped From

Mayberry Zoo Recovered
By Ashley Presswood

Yesterday morning there was a

report from the Mayberry Zoo that
a dangerous animal had escaped.
The animal which had escaped is a
Siberian Mongoose Hunter. This is
said to be an extremely rare
animal as there is only one of
them in the world. Sheriff Andy
and Deputy Barnie searched far
and wide were able to recover the
animal. The Siberian Mongoose
Hunter, which appears highly
similar to a kitten, was safely
recovered and taken back to the
zoo. Goober had been responsible
for the making of the cage which
housed the Siberian Mongoose
Hunter. When questioned, Goober
said, Well I dont know how he
got out, but it aint gonna
happen again!

The Mayberry Weather Report

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The town of Mayberry is famous for their unusual

weather but todays weather changed it all. This
morning it was raining cats and dogs! Ever since the
town was established the whole month of September
would rain different breeds of cats and dogs. Never
has the town of Mayberry had a day outside of the
month of September where it would rain cats and dogs
until today. Residents of Mayberry were extremely
confused on why there were cats and dogs on their
front yards. This isn't the first odd thing to happen
to our town. Meteorologists have predicted with this
weather today will be causing a whole week of odd
weather. Starting tomorrow there will be a black
portal appearing in the town park, where it leads to
nobody knows. Nobody knows what will happened for
this week of odd weather so this next week will be a
huge surprise to all.
By: Kirstin Sanchez

A Zombie in Mayberry?
By: Sarah Hunt
Today in Mayberry, children were playing at the local baseball field early this
morning when they spotted a man passed out on the field surrounded by screaming
women. Opie (Sheriff Griffins son) spotted the man first and sent for his
father. While Opie waited for help he walked over to the man with some water. As
he walked up he noticed the man had a bruise on his head. Opie stated, The man
looked like he had a bump the size of a baseball on his head. When help finally
came it was Sherriff Andy Griffin and Deputy Barney Fife. Deputy Fife stated,
When I saw the man I thought he was dead. When he moved I knew he was a zombie
because no man could survive an injury to their head like that one.
When the man finally became conscious he told us his story. His name was Goober
Pyle. He stated, I was walking around the field early this morning when some
women on the field. He then stated that one of the women was someone he knew so
he walked over to her. Goober then asked the women what they were doing out so
early in the morning. They stated that they were practicing their routine for
the upcoming Mayberry Talent Show that was in a week. He offered to help and
give his opinion and the women agreed. Goober said half way though the routine,
which was a dancing act combined with acrobats, and one of the women went flying
in the air and her shoe came off and hit him on the head.
When we questioned the owner of the shoe she stated that she was very sorry and
embarrassed. She asked to remain anonymous. She did however offer to pay for
Goobers medical expenses and take him out for an apologetic dinner. She also
reminded us that we should all attend the Mayberry Talent Show next weekend.
Now that Goober is awake with minor injuries Deputy Fife feels safer knowing
that he will not turn into a zombie. Deputy Fife stated, Now that I saved the
town from zombies we can all relax and look forward to the talent show. But
always remember a womans shoe to the head may be more dangerous than any
zombie.

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The Water Thief

Valentine s Day Line

Dance!

By: Jesse Sanchez-Serge

Breaking News in Mayberry today, the

water thief has struck again, seven
homes in one night. All found broken
into with all of the water running even
the outside faucets. Nothing stolen
except the people's security and
privacy, all of the homes have nothing
taken from them, though. Just a strange
occurrence for the past three nights,
seven homes all broken into and had all
of the water left on leaving home owners
with monstrous bills. After last night's
string of water robberies, the Water
Company has posted this notice saying,
"Whatever on the bill is what must be
paid no exceptions." Leaving home
owner's to believe the water company
themselves are behind this scandal.
Homeowner's are warned to lock all their
doors even bathroom doors and bedroom
doors. They have also been advised to
lock all faucets with locks and chains
if possible, or to turn off their water
completely before leaving their house.
The city will be taking no cases or
complaints against the water district at
this time and has told home owners there
is no problem with paying a little extra
the water prices were going up anyways.
Sheriff Taylor is on the case!

By: Jinna Mesa

In other news, Mayberry's

annual Valentine's line
dance/potluck is A'comin. It
will take place Sunday,
February 14th at 6:00 pm
sharp. Make sure to get those
boys A'hollerin and wear your
best gingham dress. Just make
sure it hits under your knees.
As for the potluck, bring any
good ol' fashion meal. (Ms.
Martin, I beg of you, please
bring that boysenberry pie you
make). You can sign up in for
the potluck at the Town hall,
and write down what you'll be
bringing, so we won't have
duplicates! Hope to see y'all
there, and having a good ol'
time.

NEWS COMING LATE TOMORROW

NEWPAPERS WILL BE COMING A LITTLE LATE THEN
SCHEDULED DUE TO INCONVINIENCE. SORRY IN ADVANCE.
USUAL NEWS WILL RESUME AS USUAL AFTER TOMORROW