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12 Things You Should Never Ask Your Boyfriend
12 Things You Should Never Ask Your Boyfriend
12ThingsYouShouldNeverAskYourBoyfriend
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1."ShouldIgetmyhaircut?"Yes?No?Welike...yourhair?Ifyou'rejusttakinghalfaninchoff
orsomething,we'renotevengoingtonotice(unlessyoualreadyhaveyourhairshort...likehalfan
inchshort).Thisisjustputtingusinasituationwherethreethingscouldhappen:Wesay"yes,"and
yougetoffendedbecausewedon'tlikeyourhairasis.Wesay"no,"andyoucutitanyway.Orweboth
happentoagree.Noneofthosesituationsareconstructiveandatleastoneendsinyougettingmadat
us.
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2."Whichdresslooksbest?"Ouranswerisalwaysgoingtobetheonethatshowsoffyour
cleavagethemostandthenyou'regoingtogetmadwechosethatone.
."Doyouwanttocometomymom'sbirthdayparty?"No.We'regoingtogobecausewe're
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obligated,butwe'dratherstayhomeandscrewaround.Pleasedon'tteaseuswiththeillusionof
choice.Justtelluswhatdayitis.
4.Literallyanythingaboutyourweight.Anything.You'regood.Youlookgood.Andifyou're
asking,you'renotgoingtobelieveusanyway.Justdon'tsweatit.
5."Didyourexdothisbetter?"Asfaraswe'reconcerned,ourexisdeadtoussoitdoesn't
matter.
6."DofindJenniferLawrenceattractive?"Pleasedon'taskthis,becausetheansweris"yes"
andyoudon'twanttohearussay"yes"andwe'realsobadliars.Plus,itdoesn'tmeanwedon'tlike
you.Itjustmeanswehaveeyes.
."Howoftendoyoumasturbate?"Literallyanytimeyouaren'tlookingatus.Allright,not
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literally,butitmightaswellbe.Wedoitalot.Andwedon'treallywanttotalktoyouaboutitbecause
that'sweird.
8."Noticeanythingdifferent?"Theonlytimeyoushouldaskthisquestionisifyouliterallywant
yourboyfriendtoshithispantsforsomereason.Weprobablydon'tknow,unlessit'ssomething
incrediblyobviouslikeyoudyedyourhaira(drastically)differentcolororsurgicallygraftedyour
iPhonetoyourface.Pleasedon'tmakeusguess.
9."Wasthatthebestsexyou'veeverhad?"Here'sthething:Theanswertothisisalwaysyes.
That'seitherbecauseit'strueorbecausewe'relying.Savebothofustheawkwardnessofthequestion
andjustbecontentwithknowingwe'regoingtotellyou"yes."
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12ThingsYouShouldNeverAskYourBoyfriend
10."Whatareyouthinkingabout?"Somethingstupid.It'salwayssomethingstupidandthe
reasonwedon'twanttotellyouisthatitwouldtakewaytoolongtoexplainwhywe'rethinkingabout
whatwouldhappenifTheIncredibleHulkweredraftedtotheNewYorkYankeesandtheyplayed
baseballonthemoonandwearealsoallbestfriends.It'snotbecausewewerethinkingofbreaking
upwithyouorevenaboutyouatall.Wewerehonestlydaydreamingaboutthedumbestthingever
anditisn'tworthexplaining.
11."Canwetalk?"Thisisfrighteningnomatterwhoasksit.Ifitcomesfromyourpartneroryour
bossorafriendorevenifyourfuckingmailmanknocksonyourdoorandasksthisquestion.Thisis
shorthandfor"let'stalkaboutseriousbusiness"andthat'sneverfun.Thisisespeciallyevilifyouadd
"later"totheendofthesentence,makinguswalkaroundalldayinaperpetualpoolofcoldsweat.
12."Areyoustillgoingtothegym?"Nope,andnowweknowit'sshowing.
FollowFrankonTwitter.
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9Comments
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Addacomment...
AlexArmstrong
Ifyoucan'taskyourboyfriendsthesequestionsandgetaneasyanswer,youmighthaveto
reexamineyourrelationship.Asfortheoneabouttheex,ifyoucan'thandlethatanswer,
whywouldyouaskit?
LikeReply
3Aug2,20156:28am
ElizabethParrWorksatU.SArmy
Ithinkthisshouldberenamed12thingsyou'regoingtoaskyourboyfriend/husband
LikeReply
1Aug1,201510:40pm
JenniferPelfreyUniversityofFlorida
Menhavejustasmuchselfcontrolaswomen.Masturbationisn'ta"need."Tiredofmen
justifyingtheirbehaviorbecauseit'sjusta"guy"thing.
LikeReply
1Jul29,201512:04am
KristinaPruettSalesatPotteryBarnKidsTheWoodlandsTexas
Sowhatiftheymb.
LikeReply
4Jul31,201511:00pm
CaitlinSwartzD'YouvilleCollege
Oldermenactuallydon'tmasturbateallthetime.Justfeltlikethatshouldbenoted.
LikeReplyJul23,20152:31pm
VaniaFloresZunoFrontDesk(STAR)atCentralWashingtonUniversity
Ifyou'reinahealthyrelationshipnineoftheseshouldbeaproblem..
LikeReply
6Jul19,20157:00am
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