WHY ARE WE ANXIOUS IN ASKING FOR MONEY

AND WHAT CAN WE DO ABOUT IT?

Dr. Thomas Wolf
The first time I had to make a fundraising call, I was panicked. I was fifteen and I
was approaching a truly grande dame Mary Curtis Bok Zimbalist one of the
th
great music patrons of the 20 century. My grandmother had worked for years at
the school Mrs. Zimbalist had established (the Curtis Institute of Music) and the
two were friends. So my grandmother had arranged the meeting. But after that I
was on my own.
As it happened, the event was so positive, it overcame subsequent anxiety for
future calls. All the credit goes to Mrs. Zimbalist. Like so many wealthy people,
she knew how to be asked and how to put the askers at their ease even when she
was going to say no. She steered our conversation from greeting to light chit-chat
to my project description and finally to the ask in a matter of minutes. It was
quick, pleasant, painless, and in the end, I came out with a check.
Why are people anxious in fund raising? They are afraid they will look foolish
(either to the prospect or to people in their own organizations if they are
unsuccessful). They worry that they will permanently alienate or offend their
prospect. They are afraid they will become disliked. The reasons are many and
most are figments of their imaginations. Most of their fears never materialize.
The Five Anxiety Moments
When we break down their anxieties, we find there are basically five moments in
the solicitation process that cause it. Address those and you reduce the anxiety
quotient by 80%-90% enough to get many people to overcome their worst fears.
So lets look at those moments and figure out what to do about them.

Asking to ask
Setting up the appointment can be anxiety provoking. What should you say?
The general rule of thumb is no surprises. I like to warn people by asking

to ask. If I am going to do the ask by phone, I send a note first. If I want

to make a visit, I will call and say, Id like to come over and spend a little
time talking with you about (name of organization) and our fundraising
needs (capital campaign) this year. The great thing is that once the person
accepts the call or the visit, the contract is established. You are there to talk
about a gift. There is no reason for the person to say (as we sometimes worry
he or she will), What makes you think I want to hear about this?

Starting the conversation

I tend to improvise but I have a lot of candidate subjects ready to go all
focused on the donors, their families, their interests. I like to have several in
case the first doesnt work. Sometimes the donor doesnt want to chit-chat.
It just means you move on to the ask more quickly. But most do like to
spend some informal time and the initial conversation can often give you the
clues you need on how to phrase the ask.

Making the transition

Step #2 is a conversation starter. It is not the reason you are there. You need
to move on quickly to the topic of your visit and not get stuck. And this
causes anxiety. How and when do we do it? As suggested above, the
prospect may have already given you a clue in the chit-chat phase (Your
son is in social work school? Thats great. The outreach program I came to
talk about has been designed by some wonderful social workers. Can I
describe it to you?) Sometimes you simply have to make the transition cold
turkey and many askers are anxious about doing that. But it is easy. Now I
wonder if we can talk about X organization. If you have done step #1
correctly, this is not going to be a surprise. The prospect knows why you are
there.

Making the ask

I like to be specific or at least provide some options. The donor needs
something to respond to. I wonder if you would be willing to support us is
not acceptable. Rather, I have always thought you would be interested in

the scholarship fund but we certainly have other options like a concert
sponsorship that I would be happy to describe. I also like to mention a
specific sum, which makes a lot of askers anxious because they think they
will offend the donor by asking for too much. I recently asked a donor for
$500,000 and got $25,000 out of the visit. Was I mortified? Was the donor?
Not at all. Wow, he joked. You must think I am made of gold. I am
afraid your sights are a little high. No scars and a $25,000 check wasnt a
bad result.

Hearing the word no

A great batting average in baseball is one hit in three at bats. Great batters
are out more often than they get on base and there is no stigma attached.
Remember that and take a no in the right spirit. No means come back
another time. And remember, no matter how disappointing, find a reason to
say thank you (thanks for the great advice, it was so much fun to talk to
you). If you do, you need never feel anxious that the prospect will not like
you. We all like to be patted on the back!