Knaak 1

The Adventures of Danny Boy

By Stormy Lynn Knaak
My name is Daniel, and I also sometimes go by Dan. But never Danny, or Dan-Dan, or
Dan the Man, or Danny Boy, or any other version of that. Just Daniel or Dan.
Mama is a nickname sort of person. She calls my brother Dakota, or Kota, or Cody, or
Code, or Dakky, or Kota Bear, and I say Mama, why didnt you just name him Kota Bear if thats
what you wanna call him, and she says dont be silly Danny Boy, his name is Dakota. And then
my brother Mitchell is Mitch, or Mitchy, or Itchy, or Itchy and Scratchy, and I say Mama, why
didnt you just name him Itchy and Scratchy if thats what you wanna call him, and she says
dont be silly Dan-Dan, his name is Mitchell.
If I had a baby sister like Mama wanted, shed be named Marley, and Mama would call
her Mars, or Mar-Mar, or Le-Le, or Marshmallow, and Id say Mama, why didnt you just name
her Marshmallow if thats what you wanna call her, and shed say dont be silly Dan the Man,
her name is Marley. But Mama dont have a daughter named Marley. She wanted a daughter
named Marley real bad when Dakota was born and she got Dakota instead, and she wanted a
daughter named Marley real bad when Mitchell was born and she got Mitchell instead, and she
wanted a daughter named Marley real bad when I was born and she got me instead. After the
doctor told her I had autism she stopped trying for a real long time to have Marley. She called me
a difficult child and she didnt try again until I was seven years old for another baby, and by then
she was old old old. But she tried again anyways and she sure got pregnant and told Dakota,
Mitchell, and me that wed all be big brothers. Then one day she cried and cried and said the
baby was dead. A whole year and a half later she tried again and when this one died too she cried
and cried and said God was telling her that she wasnt meant to have a little girl because she

Knaak 2

already had three perfect little boys. I didnt say it out loud but I thought, If God is mean
enough to kill two baby girls in your tummy even though he knows thats what you want, I dont
think I like God very much.
I didnt say that though because Mama would turn all red faced and get mad and say I
shouldnt say that.
At least the boys at school dont nickname me anything I dont like much other than
Danny. Not like Timothy Howell with the big nose and flat yellow hair. They call him all the
usual ones, like Tim or Timmy or Tim-Tim, but then one day Brock Wheeler from the fourth
grade with his dumb, ugly face came up to Timothy and called him a mean name on the red
playground. The red playground was the one closest to the flat, brown school, only probably a
couple yards away from the dingy looking relocatable buildings behind the school. The red
playground was big with a bridge that bounced when a kid ran across it, and a small, yellow slide
diving off the side, and if you follow the bridge all the way and climbed the yellow ladder to the
top platform of the playground there was a yellow and red plastic circus tent that opened to a
twisty yellow slide. The day Brock Wheeler from the fourth grade came up to Timothy on the red
playground, I grabbed the entrance to the yellow and red plastic circus tent and swung from that
straight to the twisty yellow slide and landed hard right on my rump and it hurt a little but it was
more fun than it hurt. I slid on my rump all the way down the twisty slide until I tumbled off onto
the black turf and it shredded into my elbow that I landed on and I was just about to say ow when
I watched Brock Wheeler walk right up to Timothy Howell. I craned my neck way back so I
could see his big fourth grader body and I held up my hand above my eyes to block the bright
sun and a couple pieces of turf that were stuck on my fat palms fell off and landed on my shirt. I
didnt brush it off though so I could watch Brock Wheeler walk right up to Timothy Howell.

Knaak 3

I heard Brock Wheeler call Timothy Howell Tiny Tim, and just like I would have done
Timothy asked big Brock Wheeler why he was calling him Tiny Tim. Good thing no girls were
around and especially not Mama because Brock Wheeler said Tiny Tim was nicknamed that from
now on because his private parts were real little. I sat up so I was on my rump instead of my
elbows and cocked my head to the right.
Brock, did Timothy tell you he had small privates or did you peek when he wasnt
looking? I asked out of curiosity. I never knew if Brock had peeked or if Timothy had told him,
though, because Brock came over and punched me right in the nose and I cried and cried and
went to the bathroom and shoved tissues up my nose to stop the flow of blood. Later on Brock
got in a whole load of trouble from the principal and Brock came up and told me he was sorry
and said he wouldnt have punched me in the nose if he had known that I was autistic, but he still
never told me if he had peeked or if Timothy had told him.
That was two weeks before a pretty girl moved to our school and started in my class. She
seemed to be high functioning, which is what Mama called me, because she was one of the
best behaved kids in the whole class, and she didnt take any pills at lunchtime, and even the
boys in the regular third grade classes looked at her like they thought she was pretty, and Ive
never seen any of the boys or girls from the regular classes look at the boys and girls in my class
and think they were pretty. The pretty girl had yellow ringlets that bounced up and down when
she walked and I wanted to pull the ringlets and watch them boing back into place, and she wore
a red headband that tried to control the ringlets but didnt do a very good job, and she was just a
little bit chubby but not very much, and she wore round glasses that didnt even fall to the end of
her nose the way they do on other people.

Knaak 4

When the pretty girl walked into our classroom, I saw her check out the posters on the
walls. Mrs. Finch was just about the nicest teacher ever but she was one bad decorator because
the posters were all those cheesy ones that no one really liked, except one right next to the door
of the class that had George Washingtons face on it with the word Read, in all red lettering,
which didnt even make any sense because George Washington was probably too busy doing
stuff to read. The desks in the class were all arranged in funny shapes because every couple
weeks Mrs. Finch would rearrange all the desks in a brand new way and give us all new seating
and say that change was a good thing and it would open our minds and keep us fresh and excited.
The pretty girl didnt sit down right away though when she came to class, instead she went up to
the front and stood right below Mrs. Finchs swirly writing on the whiteboard so it looked like
numbers were growing right out of her head and Mrs. Finch told her to introduce herself.
Rosary, was all the pretty girl said.
I thought to myself thats the dumbest name Ive ever heard. Its not even a name. Rose is
a name, and Rosie is a name, Rosita, Rosalina, Rosemary, but Rosary isnt even a real name.
Mrs. Finch told Rosary to go sit at the table two over from mine and I thought that was just fine
since I dont want to think a girl is pretty who has a dumb name like Rosary. I still thought she
was pretty though even when she was sitting two tables away from me.
The first day I ever talked to Rosary I was drawing a picture of a dragon for Mama
because it was almost Christmas time and we were all decorating cards. The pair of scissors at
her table was being used and the pair of scissors at the table next to hers was being used so she
walked all the way over to my table and asked if the pair of scissors at our table was being used.
I reached over to Katelyn Deckers desk and took the scissors and when I turned to hand Rosary
the scissors she was looking right down at my card for Mama.

Knaak 5

You dont draw very good, was all she said. I looked down at my picture of a dragon
and saw that the fire looked like throw up, the legs were squiggly, and his head was too small for
his body.
Well, youre ugly, I said back to Rosary as I gave her the pair of scissors. Her glasses
almost fell right off her face when she jolted her head forward into the palms of both her hands
and started crying and crying. The teacher came over and asked what happened and she said I
called her ugly and I said yeah well she said I dont draw good and the teacher made us both
apologize to each other. I apologized to Rosary but after class I saw her dirty pink backpack in a
whole crowd of big and small kids and I ran up next to her and told her that when I apologized I
didnt mean it. She started crying all over again but I ran away to Mamas white minivan before
Rosary could say anything else to me. And that was the first day I ever talked to Rosary.
That night at the dinner table I asked Mama if she had ever heard the name Rosary and
she said she thought that was a really pretty name and that if she had a little girl named Rosary
she would call her Rosie and I rolled my eyes and said, Mama, why not just call her Rosie if
thats what you wanna call her?
Why dont you like nicknames anyways, Danny Boy? Dakota asked me. He was sitting
right across the table from me next to Mitchell so I could kick him right underneath the table
without Mama or Daddy noticing so thats what I did. I knew he called me Danny Boy on
purpose and I dont know why he keeps doing that.
Nicknames are stupid, I answered.
But why? Dakota asked again, shifting his veggies around his plate so it would look
like he ate some even though he really didnt.

Knaak 6

Well, because Im Daniel and Daniel is who I am. Im not Danny or Danny Boy or- I
was gonna list all the names that I dont like but Dakota cut me off before I could and I guess its
probably because he already knew all the names that I dont like.
So how come I can call you Dan but not Danny Boy? he asked. I started to get real
annoyed because I know he was just asking me all these questions to bug me and I wanted to
punch him right in the gut but then Mama would make me apologize and plus Dakota would
probably just make me sniff his armpit later as pay back so instead I just answered him.
Dan is kind of like my name because its in my name and everything, I said.
So Iel is in your name, too, Mitchell said and I knew that I must have been adopted
because both my brothers are big old jerks who cant leave me alone. I turned to look at Mama
and Daddy for help but they were leaning over and giving each other gross, ugly googoo eyes
and making kissy faces and talking about all sorts of adult stuff.
Thats stupid, thats not a name worse than Rosarys not a name! I said. I could feel my
face getting all heated up because I hate when Mitchell and Dakota team up against me to annoy
me and Mama and Daddy always say they only do it because I react but I think how can I not
react if theyre being big jerks.
But you said youre okay with nicknames as long as theyre in your real name, Dakota
said. Hey Iel, can you hand me the salt and pepper?
Thats not my name, I said. My voice was a shriek now, the kind Mama says gives her
headaches, and so her and Daddy looked over and yelled at all three of us to stop. But I wasnt
doing anything so I shrieked at her that I wasnt doing anything and they were being big jerks
and she said Danny Boy, stop shrieking or youre gonna give me a headache.

Knaak 7

His name is Iel, Dakota corrected and so I jumped up and threw a punch at him from
across the table and Mama got real mad at that even though I didnt even hit him and so she told
me I needed to go to my room.
My name is Daniel, and sometimes I go by Dan, but never, ever Iel.
The next time I talked to Rosary wasnt for a whole other week and three days. I counted
it because even though she had a stupid name and she said Im not good at drawing, I still
thought she was real pretty. But a whole week and three days after that first time we talked, Mrs.
Finch changed the desk arrangement so that there was a big L in the corner of the room out of
desks and then two clusters of desks inside the L. Mrs. Finch gave us all new seating and told us
all that change was a good thing and it would open our minds and keep us fresh and excited. But
the best part about it all was that I was in one of the clusters of desks and sitting right in front of
me was Rosary. The way Mrs. Finch arranged the desk made it so I was staring right at the back
of Rosarys head and I could see her pretty ringlets bounce around as she worked on assignments
and she couldnt even see me watch her ringlets because she was facing the same way I was so
she had to turn all the way around to talk to me.
I think Rosary held a grudge for the time I called her ugly because it was a whole half a
day with the new seating arrangement before she finally did turn around and talk to me and what
she said when she did was, Why did you call me ugly?
Because you said I wasnt good at drawing, I told her.
You really arent very good at drawing, Rosary said, folding her arms across her chest.
We were supposed to be quietly working on an assignment so I glanced past Rosary and made
sure Mrs. Finch wasnt looking at us with a squinty face like she does when she doesnt want you
talking and you are anyways.

Knaak 8

Well, you really are ugly, I lied.

Daniel, you are so mean! Rosary huffed. Thats the difference between boys and girls,
boys are mean and girls are nice! And boys are dumb and girls arent.
I knew this wasnt true though because Mama had told me what the real difference is
between boys and girls so I told Rosary that she was wrong and that boys and girls have different
private parts and she scrunched up her nose real cute.
Thats a different kind of different than what I was talking about! Rosary shrieked. I
looked up again to make sure Mrs. Finch wasnt looking. She wasnt.
Youre still wrong, I told her.
No Im not!
Uh huh, wrong and dumb,
Youre so mean!
I stood up and showed her that I had different private parts than she did and Mrs. Finch
got all flustered and red and grabbed me by the arm and dragged me out of the room and Rosary
was crying and crying and when Mrs. Finch asked what I was doing I told her I was showing
Rosary the difference between boys and girls because she didnt know and she thought it was
that boys were dumb and mean. Mrs. Finch called Mama and Mama was all embarrassed and she
yelled at me when I got home and told me that private parts were called private because they
were always supposed to be private. She didnt even care that Rosary didnt know the difference
between boys and girls, she just kept telling me over and over that private parts are always
private. That night at dinner Dakota and Mitchell kept laughing and saying that Iel took his pants
off for a girl in the third grade, and I just kept telling them I dont even know who Iel is.

Knaak 9

The next day Rosary didnt turn around to talk to me all day long so I watched her pretty
ringlets bounce every time she moved. From staring at the back of her head all day, I discovered
she had a big, dark mole on her left shoulder that was sometimes covered up by her hair or by the
sleeve of her shirt but sometimes was showing. For about three quarters of the day, the tag on her
shirt stuck out and poked through her hair and made one of her ringlets sit funny. That one that
was sitting funny didnt look quite as pretty as the rest of them, all curling around perfectly like
the yellow slide on the playground, boinging and bouncing on her shoulder with every
movement she made.
When it came time to clean up from the arts and crafts activity we were working on, I
quietly snuck a pair of scissors in my desk so I didnt have to put it away. Then, when it was
almost time to pack up our backpacks for home, I reached out and carefully, carefully snipped
one of Rosarys ringlets from her hair. Just one. She had plenty of others, anyways, and they
were too pretty and bouncy for me to not keep just one. I didnt think shed miss it too much. But
apparently Rosary heard that snip sound because she spun around right after I snipped off a piece
and when she saw one of her pretty ringlets in my hand her face got all screwed up and her hand
went sailing up to the back of her head and she cried and cried and got red.
I hate you, Daniel! She said and then she went back to hiccupping and crying and Mrs.
Finch came over to see what was going on so I tried to hide the ringlet in my desk but that didnt
work because Rosary told on me anyways. Mrs. Finch kept me after class and told me she had
never been so disappointed with me and why would I want to ruin Rosarys pretty hair. I tried to
tell Mrs. Finch that I didnt want to ruin her pretty hair, I just wanted some of it because it was so
pretty, but Mrs. Finch didnt listen to me and she called Mama and for the second day in a row
Mama got real upset with me and asked me why I kept picking on poor, sweet Rosary. Even

Knaak 10

Mama wouldnt listen when I tried to tell her that I was just keeping some of Rosarys hair
because of how pretty it was. Mama said Danny Boy, you better march right up to sweet little
Rosie tomorrow and tell her sorry for cutting her hair. I said okay, but the next day Rosary
wouldnt even let me get anywhere near her and Mrs. Finch moved the desks again and she had
never moved the desks that soon after making new seating and I thought maybe it was because of
me.
I counted the days that passed and it was exactly four days before I talked to Rosary
again. This day, Rosary was underneath the yellow slide on the red playground, where the twist
in the slide makes a cave underneath it and Rosary was sitting underneath there coloring in a
coloring book. I only went to the red playground because I planned to swing from the circus tent
to the yellow slide like I did the day Brock Wheeler called Timothy Howell a mean nickname,
but when I saw Rosary I decided to talk to her instead. It didnt seem right that a pretty girl like
Rosary would be sitting underneath the yellow slide coloring by herself at recess, and even
though she didnt seem to like me very much I thought Id try talking to her one more time.
I sat down next to her. She didnt even stop drawing for a forty five seconds, I counted,
but when she did stop drawing and glance up at me, she screwed up her face in a real cute, angry
way and looked back down.
Im not talking to you, she said.
Why? I asked. She used her fingers to brush those pretty, yellow ringlets until she
found the short spot that I had cut off. Her face seemed to sadden and I felt my heart scrunch up
in my chest like it was trying to hide so it didnt have to see her sad face. I tricked myself into
believing she was sad for a different reason, that it wasnt because of the ringlet that I cut off that
was sitting in my pencil box on my desk at home.

Knaak 11

Why did you cut off a piece of my hair? She asked. My already scrunched up heart
scrunched up even more.
Above our heads, there was a screaming sound of some kids who were probably playing
tag. The bouncy bridge was jangling with noise as feet prodded across. Timothy Howell was
probably playing freeze tag on the field over by the soccer posts like he usually did at recess.
Katelyn Decker was probably dangling upside down off the monkey bars on the blue playground
over on the other side of the schoolyard. Brock Wheeler was probably with some other fourth
graders playing kickball or maybe four square. But here was Rosary, the prettiest girl in the
whole school, and she was sitting next to me under the yellow slide of the red playground
coloring in a coloring book and asking me why I cut off some of her hair. So I decided to tell her
the truth.
I think your ringlets are really pretty, so I wanted to keep one. I didnt think you would
miss it, I told her. She finally lifted her eyes from her half-colored picture and stared at me right
in the eyes. I didnt like her looking right at me like that so I looked down at the dirt under my
thumbnail really quickly. I bit at it to try and get it out.
You said Im ugly, though, Rosary said. I gnawed at my other thumbnail so it would be
clean like the first one. After a long time with her probably glaring at me and me gnawing at all
of my fingernails until all ten were clean, I let my eyes meet hers. Then I leaned forward and
pressed my lips into hers.
I started biting my thumbnail again after that even though it was clean and Rosary took
the lid off of one of her markers and started coloring again. After a while, I stopped chewing on
my thumbnail.
You can call me Danny Boy. If ya wanna. I go by that sometimes, too.