Unicornicopia:

A Short Story By
Emerald Green
Prologue
Have you ever wondered where unicorns live? They don't live in our world, or even in our
universe, and that's why most people believe that unicorns aren't real because they haven't seen one
with their own eyes, or it hasn't been scientifically discovered, or horses and narwhals can't mate.
The heart wants what the heart wants, people, and what I say to those people is Think again nonbelievers and unicorn-haters, think again. This is about a very persistent, young girl who considered
herself to be an honorary unicorn because she did believe in the beautifully majestic, wonderful,
amazing, magical creature that is the UNICORN and traveled to their land that is UNICORNICOPIA,
in hopes of finding yes, a unicorn.

Chapter 1
Jade hasn't always loved unicorns, but it's a love as strong as a lifetime. It was only two years
ago when her love (or obsession as some people call it) began, and ever since then, every sentence,
every story, every picture that the teacher let the students write about was/is about unicorns (and Ellen
Degeneres, but that's a different story), even if the project was supposed to be about a different topic,
she 'd find a way to sneak it in there in a way that it would make sense, so the teacher couldn't mark her
off.
Jade is in sixth grade now, middle school. The kids her don't believe in unicorns or love them
as much as Jade would like. Whenever the teacher gives a sentence, a story, or a picture that the
students get to chose the topic, they would find a way to tell and explain to Jade that unicorns aren't
real and crush her dreams. They would even say things about unicorns that were obviously not true-unicorns fart out butterflies and throw up rainbows and poop sprinkles. That's not true AT ALL, but

Jade, oh so clever Jade... in her stories would have the unicorns (who are usually non-violent creatures)
do horrible things to the haters and non-believers, and tried to explain that unicorns excrete themselves
normally unless they're having tummy problems, and the only reason that they think that unicorns aren't
real or aren't scientifically discovered is because they don't live in our world or universe (selfcentered humans) and scientists aren't looking hard enough or putting a horse and a narwhal in a room
by themselves with the lights dimmed and soft, with Billy Joel playing in the background, but her point
would only get across to only few at a time. There were still too many haters and non-believers.
Jade decided that she would prove to those haters and non-believers that unicorns were in fact
real, very, very, very real. And how was she going to do that you ask? She would find some sort of
way to travel to Unicornicopia, find the prettiest, most majestic, magical unicorn there was that the eye
could see (which would be pretty hard because they're all the prettiest, most majestic unicorn), ask the
beautiful, majestic, magical creature to travel back to Earth with her so she could politely rub in
everybodys faces that unicorns were real, so they would stop teasing her about her love for unicorns,
and they would see that she was right this whole time, and they were wrong.

Chapter 2
Mommy, Daddy, can I please go to NASA, ask for a space-ship that will take me to
Unicornicopia where I will find a unicorn, bring it back home, rub it in society's face, and then keep it
for myself?, Jade asked in her most polite, sincere, kiss-up voice she could manage as she stood in
front of her parents asking for her dream to come true.
Without even looking up from his newspaper, her father said without a second thought, Sure.
Thank you, Daddy. I love you, she again said in her most polite, sincere, kiss-up-voice she could
manage and leaned in to give her father a kiss on the fore-head and off she went to NASA.

Chapter 3
There she was in the small lobby outside of the office of the CEO of NASA, Dr. Gabald,
politely waiting for the secretary to call her number so she can propose her dream to the CEO of
NASA. She was oh, so very, very happy. Someone stepped out Dr. Gabald's office. Dr. Gabald was
from Indonesia. He had more greyish than brownish hair and a terrible balding problem. He also had a
beard and a mustache that he really needed to cut.
Number one-thousand, six hundred, fifty-two!, said the secretary with a true New York accent.
Oh, that's me!, Jade exclaimed and jumped up and headed toward the door of the CEO of NASA, not
without complementing the secretary on her accent. She blushed and said thank you.
Jade entered Dr. Gabald's office, who in fact was surprised to see what he considered a young
girl standing in the middle of his office.
What do you want, little girl? Can't you see I'm busy?, Dr. Gabald said. There was a slight pause
before Jade answered.
First of all, old man, Im not a little girl. Twelve is not little. And I would like a rocket ship that will
take me to Unicornicopia. Today.
Well, since you asked so nicely, N-O, Missy, N to the O Dr. Gabald replied.
Why not?, Jade asked quite shocked. She thought it was a very reasonable
proposal. If he's mad that she called him an old man, then he shouldn't have called her a little girl.
Because believe it or not, we don't just hand out rocket ships to anyone who just walks into my office
and just asks for one. We don't have money to just throw away, you know.
Yeah, right! You're NASA. Sure, you don't have any money to throw away, and, I'm not just
ANYONE. I'm a little girl who's trying to make a contribution to the world of science.
Oh really, and what's that? Are you going to prove that there's an 11th dimension because guess what.
Steven Hawking already did! They were both yelling at this point.

NO, Im going to give science and society the world's most amazing, wonderful contribution there
ever was...The Unicorn .
Dr. Gabald cracked up laughing. A unicorn! Ha! They don't exist kid! Good luck trying to
find a unicorn! He was still laughing.
Are you going to give me a rocket ship or what?
Have at it, kid! Dr. Gabald handed Jade the keys to one of their best of rocket ships (that was the
perfect size for Jade's height and small build), not even realizing that he was handing them to a minor,
in fact a twelve year old (someone not even old enough to drive a go-cart in some states). He didn't
know whether she knew how to even control, steer, drive, fly, or even press a button to put the rocketship on cruise control (luckily, she did know how to do all of those things, but Dr. Gabald still didn't
know that), plus she was traveling by herself.
Jade realized this, but just took the keys and left Dr,. Gabald's office. But in his defense, he was
still laughing. Actually, he was on the floor uncontrollably laughing and blurting out Unicorns! Ha!
every two seconds. This rally ticked off Jade, but she just kept walking because she had the keys to
one of NASA's best rockets. But by the time Dr. Gabald realized what he had just done, it was too late.
Jade was already in the rocket, with her Earthly food-- twelve boxes of Caprison (fruit punch, pacific
cooler, strawberry kiwi), thirteen boxes of chocolate chip cookies, Doritos (Nacho and Cool Ranch),
five boxes of Ocean Spray gummies, 35 of Maddie Baker's yummy, hint of lemon frosting cookies, that
taste like spring-time, and the last season of Glee and The Big Bang Theory (she didn't know how long
she was going to be up in space), personal belongings, and a photo of a unicorn that she was hoping to
get signed, and set off without a second thought to Unicornicopia.

Chapter 4
Jade didn't know how long she was in space, but three quarters of the food was eaten, she was

caught up on all her episodes, and she was on a magical, beautiful land with flowers, meadows,
gardens, green-as-could-be grass, blue skies with no clouds, and filled with magic and unicorns. Either
it was Unicornicopia, she was dreaming (again), or she had died and went to heaven. Either way, she
was cool with any of those explanations.
She took her belongings, food, and soon-to-be autographed picture of a unicorn and set up
home/camp in a nice cave that was above ground, wasn't deep, and was in the perfect place and
position for Jade to watch unicorns all day long. It was perfect. That same day, she decorated, set-up,
and safety/unicorn-proofed her home, slept, and explored Unicornicopia (It's amazing what you can do
when you're hiped up on sugar and junk food). Jade watched/spied on unicorns from behind boulders,
grains of grass for days on end, learning about the magical creatures. She took pictures of her next to
unicorns. She decided that this was heaven. When she finally felt comfortable being around unicorns,
she took her picture of the unicorn and went up to the closest, nicest-looking unicorn and asked for her
autograph. She dipped his shoe into the purple ink that Jade already prepared and pressed it onto the
photograph. It was very ironic and lucky that Jade got the autograph of the head hauncho, the boos,
Mother Uresa of the unicorns.
Thank you so much,' Jade said.
No problem, said the unicorn in this deep, beautifully velvet voice.
Do you mind if I asked you a few questions? Jade asked.
Does that one count? Both laugh very boldly. It's not a problem, my dear.

Chapter 5
Is it true that unicorns aren't real? Jade asked.
NO, of course not! What a ridiculous question! Did the people on earth tell you that we weren't
because we are very real, very real indeed! The only reason that humans don't think we're real is

because they haven't seen one with their own eyes because we don't come to Earth anymore. We went
there for a visit sometime in the early 1960's and it was filled with negativity and hurtful things about
unicorns, and it still is. They say we don't exist, we shouldn't exist, and that we're even stupid and that
we excrete ridiculous things from our bodies in the most ridiculous ways! We were tired of hearing
those hurtful things so we left and never came back. The only reason that humans think we're not
scientifically discovered is because when we left we destroyed every image of us there was. We sent
unicorns all over the world to destroy every trace of us. They said we don't exist, so we don't... on their
planet, but thanks to those who did believe and put hope in others, who sculpt, paint, draw, computer
animate, and even make movies and books and poems and things about us, our spirit is still alive in the
hearts of tens and tens of people including you, Jade. Thank you for believing in us. Thank you, Jade
the unicorn answered.
It's no problem, and yes, they did tell me that unicorns didn't exist, but I didn't believe them so
I came here to find proof and evidence that unicorns are real, so I could shove it in society's face, so I
could bring hope and faith into the hearts of those who love unicorns, and those who like unicorns but
don't think they're real thanks to society. I came here to complete a mission, a self-important mission
and a mission that will save the world! Jade said in excitement. She was standing up at this point with
her hands reaching out to the stars. That's why I'd like to bring a unicorn back with me, Mother Uresa.
I need to show the humans that unicorns do exist, so that they will stop teasing me about my love for
your species.
I'm afraid I can't let you do that, Jade. I'm sorry, but it's too dangerous. We can't risk it. The humans
might come here, and kill us, or even take us and put us in zoos, or even sell us. We can't Jade. I am
deeply sorry, but we just can't. We vowed never to ever go back to that wretched Earth again. No
offense to you, of course, just Earth itself.
Believe me, NONE taken, but I still wish that I could bring one of you back with me because I've
always wanted to have a unicorn pal.

I'm sorry, my dear, but the answer is no.

Poop, Jade said disappointed. Well, do you mind if I asked you some more questions?
Not at all dear, ask away.
Well, where do unicorns come from?
Well... when a mommy unicorn and a daddy unicorn love each other very much...
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Got it. No need to explain any further.
You're sure you understand?
Oh, yes. Quite sure.
During the rest of the interview, Jade still couldn't stop thinking about how she came all this
way and can't even bring one unicorn back with her to fully prove to the people of Earth that she had
ventured to Unicornicopia, met a unicorn (because they are indeed real), interviewed the head unicorn,
and that she is not crazy, hallucinating, or should be locked down in a mental hospital. Even though
Jade was recording the whole conversation, her classmates and the humans of Earth wouldn't believe
her, call her a fraud, say she was even lying, even though she really wasn't, but what could she do? If
only she could bring a unicorn back to Earth, even for day or a week, let all the scientists scientifically
discover, see a real, live unicorn, and maybe she could even keep one for herself, and Jade would be
satisfied and happy. She would know that she had accomplished her mission and saved society from
itself. That was all she REALLY wanted, really. At least she found out what language a unicorn
speaks: ALL (including Klingon).

As Jade was walking back to her sweet, sweet home/cave, she was still depressed about not
being able to take a unicorn back with her to Earth (That girl could really hold a grudge).
She was wrong. All she really wanted was a friend, someone to talk to, a unicorn. Even if she

could only have one for herself for even an hour, or a day that would still be more friendship than she
would have in a lifetime. She didn't really care about rubbing the fact that unicorn really exist in
society's face. She really just wanted a unicorn for her very own. That's all she really wanted. Well,
that's not entirely factual. She did want to shove it in society's face a little, just a tinsey-tiny bit, but
what she really wanted was a friend... a unicorn.

Chapter 6
The next day, Jade decided that she wasn't just going to sit here and not do anything. She came
to Unicornicopia for one reason, and one reason only, to find a unicorn and bring it back to Earth to rub
in society's face (She was wrong, again). That's what she really wanted. She could make a unicorn
friend anytime, but she would never get another chance to show the humans that unicorns do exist. No,
she had to show them a real unicorn. She had to bring a unicorn back with her to Earth in order for her
journey to be complete and her mission accomplished. She had to do this for the people of earth, and
herself, but she most especially had to do this for the unicorns.
Even though she was an honorary unicorn, she didn't think that Earth was that bad, maybe in the
60's, but not anymore. Now, they had fast food chains and Lady Gaga and... and boy bands. Actually,
come to think of it, maybe Earth isn't that great after all, but still. Jade was going to bring a unicorn
back to Earth and everyone will live happily ever after, whether they liked it or not.

Jade started conjuring up a plan on how she would capture a unicorn because she knew that it
would not go willingly. Mother Uresa wouldn't let them. When they first came to Earth, it was the
60's, a crazy time, so Jade could understand where they were coming from, but it was different now,

maybe not better, but different. Maybe if the people of Earth, actually saw a unicorn, they would
finally believe. And Jade was going to find out.

Chapter 7
A week and two days later, Jade had made a big net, it would have been the fifth biggest net
ever made in the Guinness Book of Records if she had made it on Earth, but she didn't. She had spent
night and day working on that thing. Her plan was simple. She was going to capture a unicorn using
this big net, bring it back to Earth, take care of it for a day, love it, and then take it back to
Unicornicopia safe and sound. It was a simple plan, easy peasy, lemon squeezy.
The next day, Jade went out in set of bringing a unicorn back with her to Earth. She tried and
tried and hoped and hoped to be and that she was subtle. Every unicorn in Unicornicopia would run
away from her if they saw her with that thing... so she needed to disguise it some how, camouflage it, if
you will. Jade put all kinds of leaves, bushes, and grass on that thing. The plan was that she'd walk
with it behind her (even though it was surprisingly light), and when a unicorn came up to her, she
would swing the net above her, all the plants would fall off, and it would come over the unicorn,
capturing it.
Hey, Jade, what you got there? Quincy, the most naive unicorn asked. Quincy wasn't stupid or dumb,
he was just naive.
Um... it's a bush, Jade answered, quickly changing her plan to accommodate Quincy.
Cool. What ya' doing with it?
Um... I didn't think that it looked right over there, so Im moving it over there.
Oh. Well, that looks like a pretty big bush. Would you like some help with it?
Um... no, thank you, but would you mind just standing inside of the bush and just stay there until I tell
you you can get out.

Ok, sure thing, Jade Quincy said as he stepped into the bush. This was going to be easier than Jade
had planned.
Great, now just stay there.
Ok, Quincy said as Jade hauled him to the rocket-ship (It was a lot heavier now that Quincy was
aboard), but other unicorns were starting to look and look at Jade suspiciously. They were realizing
what Jade was doing and started running after her, so Jade started running toward the rocket ship now,
faster and faster.
Wheeeeeeeeeee! exclaimed Quincy in excitement with his front legs waving up in the air.
When they finally got to the rocket, Jade politely told Quincy to get in. He did, but he started
questioning Jade. She ignored his questions, turned on the ignitions, plugged in the coordinates, and
darted off to Earth with unicorns hanging from the rocket ship. Jade felt bad and looked down at the
unicorns apologizing, but she said that she had to do this. When the fire came out of the bottom of the
rocket, that's when the unicorns let go, falling to the ground, but they weren't hurt (Jade was only
maybe five feet off the ground when they started falling). But still, they were really hanging in there.
Somehow, Jade and Quincy were on Earth and landed in her small hometown of Arsefacey in
about two hours. But now was not the time to question time. She got Quincy out of the rocket-ship,
put a leash loosely around his neck (She didn't want to choke the poor guy). and when she saw Channel
7's EyeWitness News' Gery Seldana taping right outside of Little Mama's Bakery, she jumped into the
picture, grabbed the microphone, and apologized to the people at home and Little Mama, herself and
said that was very important announcement.
I have here, Quincy... a unicorn, that's right, a real unicorn from Unicornicopia. That's right, it's a real
place. Take that TJ Walker of Arsefacey Middle School! Unicorns are real! As I was saying, I went to
Unicornicopia to prove to all of you people out there that unicorns are real, but I can not disclose their
location. I did find Unicornicopia, and guess what, it's not that hard to find. If I could find it, any
scientist could have found it. When I got there, I found this wonderful, magical place with unicorns

and flowers and..., Jade told them her story and even played the interview she recorded with Mother
Uresa.
When she was done, Gery Seldana said, You hear that, folks, this little girl thinks she's found a
unicorn and Unicornicopia, and laughed in poor Jade's face. What's your name again, kid?
Um... Jade, she answered.
Ha, so did you go to Little Mama's Horse Stable, rent a horse, put a cheap party hat on it, and bring it
her as if it were a unicorn? Hahahahahahahahahahahha! said Gery Seldana. Quincy's nostrils were
getting very large and wide, he was brushing his feet back and forth as if getting ready to charge, but
Jade held him back.
No, and look, Mr. Comb-Over. I know that I found a real unicorn and Unicornicopia. I did not come
here for your approval. I came here give faith to those who do believe in unicorns and change the
minds of people everywhere. I do not need your not-so-pearly white teeth with lettuce stuck between
the crevices to tell me what I think I did. I know what I did. I found unicorns and Unicornicopia
whether you like it or not, said Jade pretty ticked off. Then, she released Quincy onto Mr. Seldana.
Now, now, she had relief and closure. She may not have saved the world, but she did complete a selfmission, even if it was a different mission than the one she needed to complete.
She walked Quincy back to the rocket, once he was finished. But as she did, she said There's
no hope for those people, Quincy. NONE whatsoever. Quincy nodded in agreement. She took the
leash off of him, put him in, and sent him back to Unicornicopia safe and sound. She figured that
NASA didn't necessarily need anymore rockets, and that they could do without one. She waved
goodbye to Quincy, her first real friend. Yeah, but even though she did totally kidnap him, she did take
care of him, and on the rocket they talked, had fun, played cards, and were friends, and it wasn't Jade's
imagination.
Then Jade started thinking. What would happen if she went to Warner Bros. Studios... but that's
a different story.