DR.

HORRIBLES SING-ALONG BLOG

By
Joss Whedon, Jed Whedon, Zack Whedon & Maurissa Tancharoen

ACT I
Blog #1
DR. HORRIBLE
Ah hahahaha. Ah ha haaaa. A haaaa.
So thats you know... coming along. Im working with a
vocal coach. Strengthening the ahhaa. A lot of guys
ignore the laugh and thats about standards. I mean, if
youre going to get into the Evil League of Evil you
HAVE to have a memorable laugh. I mean do you think Bad
Horse didnt work on his whinny? His terrible...
Death... whinny.
No response, BTW from the League yet but my application
is strong this year. A letter of condemnation from the
deputy mayor. Thats gotta have some weight, so,
fingers crossed.
EMAILS! 2sly4you writes: hey genius wow. Sarcasm.
Thats ORIGINAL. Where are the gold bars you were
supposed to pull out of that bank vault with your
trans-matter ray? Obviously it failed or it would be in
the papers.
Well no, there not going to say anything in the press.
But BEHOLD. Transported from there to here.
The molecules tend to shift in the trans-matter...
um... event, but, they were transported IN BAR FORM and
they clearly were... (and by the way its not about
making money. Its about TAKING money. Destroying the
status-quo because the status is NOT quo. The world
is a mess and I just need to RULE it.) Im gonna...
that smells like cumin.
So, Trans-matter is 75% AND more importantly the
Freeze-Ray is almost up. This is the one. Stops time.
Freeze-ray. Tell your friends.
We have... OH! Heres one from our good friend Johnny
Snow. Dr. Horrible. I see you are once again afraid to
do battle with your nemesis. I waited at Dooley Park
for 45 minutes.
Ok, DUDE youre NOT my nemesis. My nemesis is Captain
Hammer. Captain Hammer, Corporate TOOL. He dislocated
my shoulder... Again... last week.
LOOK! Im just trying to change the world, OK? I dont
have time for a grudge match with every poser in a
parka. Besides, theres kids in that park, so...
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

2.

DR. HORRIBLE (contd)

Heres one from DeadNotSleeping. Long time watcher,
first time writing. Blah blah blah blah... You always
say on your blog that you will show her the way, show
her you are a true villain. Who is her and does she
even know that youre ...
Laundry Mat
"My Freeze Ray"
LAUNDRY DAY
SEE YOU THERE
UNDER THINGS
TUMBLING
WANNA SAY
LOVE YOUR HAIR
HERE I GO
MUMBLING
WITH MY FREEZE-RAY I WILL STOP THE WORLD
WITH MY FREEZE-RAY I WILL FIND THE TIME TO FIND THE
WORDS TO
TELL YOU HOW
HOW YOU MAKE
MAKE ME FEEL
WHATS THE PHRASE?
LIKE A FOOL
KINDA SICK
SPECIAL NEEDS
ANY WAYS
WITH MY FREEZE-RAY I WILL STOP THE PAIN
ITS NOT A DEATH-RAY OR AN ICE-BEAM THATS ALL JOHNNY
SNOW
I JUST THINK YOU NEED TIME TO KNOW
THAT IM THE GUY TO MAKE IT REAL
THE FEELINGS YOU DONT DARE TO FEEL
ILL BEND THE WORLD TO OUR WILL
AND WELL MAKE TIME STAND STILL
THATS THE PLAN
RULE THE WORLD
YOU AND ME
ANYDAY
Love your hair
PENNY
What?

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

3.

DR. HORRIBLE
No... I... I... I love the air...
ANYWAY
WITH MY FREEZE RAY I WILL STOP Lab
MOIST
Hey doc.
DR. HORRIBLE
Moist! My evil, moisture buddy. Whats going on?
MOIST
Life of crime.

Got your mail.

DR. HORRIBLE
Hey, didnt you ahh. Didnt you go on a date last
night? Conflict Diamond told me you were doubling with
BaitNSwitch.
MOIST
Yeah, ahhh...
DR. HORRIBLE
Yeah?
MOIST
It was all right. I kinda thought I was supposed to
end up with bait, but...
DR. HORRIBLE
I hear ya.

I saw Penny today.

MOIST
You talk to her?
DR. HORRIBLE
So close. Im just a few weeks away from a real,
audible, connection. Im gonna ask... Oh my God!
MOIST
Is that from the League?
DR. HORRIBLE
Its from him!

Thats his seal isnt it?!?

MOIST
The leader?

The... Oh my God!

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

4.

DR. HORRIBLE
I got a letter from Bad Horse!
MOIST
Thats so hard core. Bad Horse is legend. He rules
the league with an iron hoof. Are you sure you
wanna...?
"Bad Horse Letter"
BAD HORSE CHORUS
BAD HORSE
BAD HORSE
BAD HORSE
BAD HORSE
HE RIDES ACROSS THE NATION
THE THOROUGHBRED OF SIN
HE GOT THE APPLICATION THAT YOU JUST SENT IN
IT NEEDS EVALUATION, SO LET THE GAMES BEGIN
A HEINOUS CRIME, A SHOW OF FORCE,
(A MURDER WOULD BE NICE OF COURSE)
BAD HORSE
BAD HORSE
BAD HORSE
HES BAD
THE EVIL LEAGUE OF EVIL
IS WATCHING SO BEWARE
THE GRADE THAT YOU RECEIVE WILL BE YOUR LAST
WE SWEAR
SO MAKE THE BAD HORSE GLEEFUL
OR HELL MAKE YOU HIS MARE
YOURE SADDLED UP
THERES NO RECOURSE
ITS HIGH-HO SILVER
SIGNED: BAD HORSE
MOIST
Its not a no...
DR. HORRIBLE
Are you kidding? This is great! Im about to pull a
major heist. You know the Wonderflonium that I need
for the Freeze-Ray? Its being transported tomorrow.
MOIST
Armored car?
DR. HORRIBLE
Courier van.

Candy from a baby.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

5.

MOIST
You need anything dampened or made soggy or...?
DR. HORRIBLE
Thanks, but... the League is watching.
alone.

I gotta go this

Street
"Caring Hands"
PENNY
WILL YOU LEND A CARING HAND
TO SHELTER THOSE WHO NEED IT?
ONLY HAVE TO SIGN YOUR NAME
DONT EVEN HAVE TO READ IT
WOULD YOU HELP?
NO? HOW BOUT YOU?
WILL YOU LEND A CARING HAND?
DR. HORRIBLE
ARGHHH!
PENNY
Oh.

Oh.

DR. HORRIBLE
Argh. Ah.

Hah.

What?

PENNY
I was wondering if I could just... Hey, I know you!
DR. HORRIBLE
Hello. You know me?
you?

Cool.

I mean.

Yeah, you do.

Do

PENNY
From the laundry mat.
DR. HORRIBLE
Wednesdays and Saturdays except twice last month, you
skipped the weekend. Or, if that was you. It coulda
been someone else, I mean, Ive SEEN you. Billy is my
name.
PENNY
Im Penny. What are you doing?
DR. HORRIBLE
Im texting. Its very important or I would stop. What
are you doing?

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

6.

PENNY
Actually Im out here volunteering for the Caring Hands
Homeless Shelter. Can you spare a minute?
DR. HORRIBLE
Umm... Ok, go.
PENNY
Ok, were hoping to open up a new location soon, expand
our efforts. Theres this great building nearby that
the city is just going to demolish and turn into a
parking lot, but if we get enough signatures...
DR. HORRIBLE
Signatures? *pfft*
PENNY
Yeah.
DR. HORRIBLE
Im sorry, go on.
PENNY
I was saying um, maybe we could get the city to donate
the building to our cause. We would be able to provide
250 new beds, get people off the streets and into job
training so they could... buy rocket packs and go to
the moon and become... florists... Youre not really
interested in the homeless are you?
DR. HORRIBLE
No, I am. But theyre a symptom. Youre treating a
symptom and the disease rages on, consumes the human
race. The fish rots from the head as they say. So my
thinking is why not cut off the head?
PENNY
Of the human race?
DR. HORRIBLE
Its not a perfect metaphor... but Im talking about an
overhaul of the system. Putting the power in...
DIFFERENT... hands.
PENNY
Im all for that... This petition is about the
building...
DR. HORRIBLE
Id love to sign it.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

7.

PENNY
Thank you.
DR. HORRIBLE
Sorry I... I come on strong.
PENNY
But you signed.
DR. HORRIBLE
Wouldnt want to turn my back on a fellow laundry
person...
PENNY
Well if WE cant stick together I dont... Ill
probably see you there.
DR. HORRIBLE
No, I will. Ill...
She talked to me. Why did she talk to me NOW? Maybe I
should...
"A Mans Gotta Do"
A MANS GOTTA DO WHAT A MANS GOTTA DO
DONT PLAN THE PLAN IF YOU CANT FOLLOW THROUGH
ALL THAT MATTERS IS TAKING MATTERS INTO YOUR OWN HANDS
SOON ILL CONTROL EVERYTHING
MY WISH IS YOUR COMMAND
CAPTAIN HAMMER
STAND BACK EVERYONE
NOTHIN HERE TO SEE
JUST IMMINENT DANGER
AND IN THE MIDDLE OF IT ME
YES CAPTAIN HAMMERS HERE
HAIR BLOWING IN THE BREEZE
THE DAY NEEDS MY SAVING EXPERTISE
A MANS GOTTA DO WHAT A MANS GOTTA DO
SEEMS DESTINY ENDS WITH ME SAVING YOU
THE ONLY DOOM THATS LOOMING IS YOU LOVING ME TO DEATH
SO ILL GIVE YOU A SECOND TO CATCH YOUR BREATH
DR. HORRIBLE
You Idiot!
CAPTAIN HAMMER
Dr. Horrible. I should have known you were behind this.
DR. HORRIBLE
You almost killed her

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

8.

CAPTAIN HAMMER
I remember it differently.
DR. HORRIBLE
Is she? *urgh*
CAPTAIN HAMMER
Its curtains for you Dr. Horrible. Lacy, gently wafting
curtains.
PENNY
THANK YOU HAMMER MAN, I DONT THINK I CAN
EXPLAIN HOW IMPORTANT IT WAS THAT YOU STOP THE VAN
I WOULD BE SPLATTERED; ID BE CRUSHED UNDER DEBRIS
THANK YOU SIR FOR SAVING ME
CAPTAIN HAMMER
Dont worry about it.
A MANS GOTTA DO WHAT A MANS GOTTA DO.
PENNY
(YOU CAME FROM ABOVE.)
DR. HORRIBLE
(ARE YOU KIDDING?)
CAPTAIN HAMMER
SEEMS DESTINY ENDS WITH ME SAVING YOU
DR. HORRIBLE
(WHAT HEIST WERE YOU WATCHING?)
PENNY
(I WONDER WHAT YOURE CAPTAIN OF)
DR. HORRIBLE
(STOP LOOKING AT HER LIKE THAT)
CAPTAIN HAMMER
WHEN YOURE THE BEST YOU CANT REST, WHATS THE USE?
DR. HORRIBLE
(DID YOU NOTICE THAT HE THREW YOU IN THE GARBAGE?)
PENNY
(MY HEART IS BEATING LIKE A DRUM)
CAPTAIN HAMMER
THERES ASS NEEDS KICKING.
DIFFUSE.

SOME TICKING BOMB TO

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

9.

PENNY
(MUST... MUST BE IN SHOCK)
DR. HORRIBLE
(I STOPPED THE VAN.

THE REMOTE CONTROL WAS IN MY HAND)

CAPTAIN HAMMER
THE ONLY DOOM THATS LOOMING IS YOU LOVING ME TO DEATH
PENNY
(ASSUMING IM NOT LOVING YOU TO DEATH)
DR. HORRIBLE
(WHATEVER)
CAPTAIN HAMMER & PENNY
SO PLEASE GIVE ME A SEC TO CATCH MY BREATH
DR. HORRIBLE
Balls.

10.

ACT II
Blog #2
Dr. Horrible sits with blank expression.
Street
"On the Rise"
DR. HORRIBLE
ANY DOLT WITH HALF A BRAIN
CAN SEE THAT HUMAN KIND HAS GONE INSANE
TO THE POINT WHERE I DONT KNOW
IF ILL UPSET THE STATUS QUO
IF I THROW POISON IN THE WATER MAIN
LISTEN CLOSE TO EVERYBODYS HEART
AND HEAR THAT BREAKING SOUND
HOPES AND DREAMS ARE SHATTERING APART
AND CRASHING TO THE GROUND
I CAN NOT BELIEVE MY EYES
HOW THE WORLDS FILLED WITH FILTH AND LIES
BUT ITS PLAIN TO SEE
EVIL INSIDE OF ME
IS ON THE RISE
PENNY
LOOK AROUND. WERE LIVING WITH THE LOST AND FOUND
JUST WHEN YOU FEEL YOUVE ALMOST DROWNED
YOU FIND YOURSELF ON SOLID GROUND
AND YOU BELIEVE THERES GOOD IN EVERYBODYS HEART
KEEP IT SAFE AND SOUND
WITH HOPE, YOU CAN DO YOUR PART
TO TURN A LIFE AROUND
I CAN NOT BELIEVE MY EYES
IS THE WORLD FINALLY GROWING WISE
CAUSE IT SEEMS TO ME
SOME KIND OF HARMONY
IS ON THE RISE
DR. HORRIBLE
ANY ONE WITH HALF A BRAIN
COULD SPEND THEIR WHOLE LIFE HOWLING IN PAIN
PENNY
(TAKE IT SLOW
HE LOOKS AT ME AND SEEMS TO KNOW)
THE THINGS THAT IM AFRAID TO SHOW
AND SUDDENLY I FEEL HIS GLOW

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

DR. HORRIBLE
(CAUSE THE DARK IS EVERYWHERE
AND PENNY DOESNT SEEM TO CARE
THAT SOON THE DARK IN ME IS ALL THAT WILL REMAIN)
PENNY
AND I BELIEVE THERES GOOD IN EVERYBODYS HEART
KEEP IT SAFE AND SOUND
DR. HORRIBLE
(LISTEN CLOSE TO EVERYBODYS HEART
AND HEAR THAT BREAKING SOUND)
HOPES AND DREAMS ARE SHATTERING APART
PENNY
(WITH HOPE YOU CAN DO YOUR PART)
DR. HORRIBLE
AND CRASHING TO THE GROUND
PENNY
(TO TURN A LIFE AROUND)
DR. HORRIBLE & PENNY
I CAN NOT BELIEVE MY EYES
HOW THE WORLDS DR. HORRIBLE
FILLED WITH FILTH AND LIES
PENNY
FINALLY GROWING WISE
DR. HORRIBLE
BUT ITS PLAIN TO SEE
PENNY
(AND ITS PLAIN TO SEE)
DR. HORRIBLE
EVIL INSIDE OF ME
PENNY
(RAPTURE INSIDE OF ME)
DR. HORRIBLE & PENNY
IS ON THE RISE

11.

12.

Laundry Mat
PENNY
It is so dumb that weve been coming here so long and
never spoke.
DR. HORRIBLE
I know. All those months doing a stunningly boring
chore.
PENNY
Im a fan of laundry.
DR. HORRIBLE
Psych! I love it.
PENNY
The smell of fabric softener.
DR. HORRIBLE
MMmm.
PENNY
The feel of warm clothes in your hands.
DR. HORRIBLE
So good.
Hey, this is weird. I ordered one frozen yogurt and
they gave me two. You dont happen to like frozen
yogurt do you?
PENNY
I love it.
DR. HORRIBLE
Yore kidding! what a crazy, random happen-stance. Here.
PENNY
Thank you.
DR. HORRIBLE
So how was your weekend? Did you spend the whole time
hunting wild signatures?
PENNY
Um, actually, I went on a date...
DR. HORRIBLE
Get right outta town. How was that?

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

13.

PENNY
Unexpected. Hes a really good looking guy, and I
thought he was kinda cheesy at first...
DR. HORRIBLE
Trust your instincts PENNY
But, he turned out to be totally sweet. Sometimes
people are layered like that. theres something totally
different underneath than whats on the surface.
DR. HORRIBLE
And sometimes theres a third, even deeper level and
that one is the same as the top surface one.
PENNY
Huh?
DR. HORRIBLE
Like with pie...
So, you gonna see him again?
PENNY
I think I will...
DR. HORRIBLE
Huh.
PENNY
Billy?
DR. HORRIBLE
Yeah?
PENNY
Youre driving a spork into your leg.
DR. HORRIBLE
So I am. Hilarious.
Blog #3
DR. HORRIBLE
All right. The wait is over. This my friends, is my
Freeze-Ray which, with the addition of the
Wonderflonium I obtained at my famously successful
heist last week.
I say successful in that I achieved my objective. It
was less successful in that I inadvertently introduced
my arch-nemesis to the girl of my dreams, and now hes
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

14.

DR. HORRIBLE (contd)

taking her out on dates, and theyre probably going to
french kiss or something.
She called him sweet. How is he sweet?
RIGHT. Freeze-Ray. SO as of tonight I am in the Evil
League of Evil if all goes according to plan; which it
WILL because I hold a P.H.D in Horribleness. See you at
the aftermath. PEACE!
But not literally...
Blog #4
Dr. Horrible returns battered and bruised.
DR. HORRIBLE
*cough* Ahem. The Freeze-Ray needs work. I also need to
be a LITTLE bit more careful about what I say on this
blog. Apparently the L.A.P.D and Captain Hammer are
among our viewers.
They were waiting for me at the Mayors dedication of
the Superhero Memorial Bridge. The Freeze-Ray takes a
few seconds to warm up and I wasnt...
Captain Hammer threw a car at my head.
Not to worry though, because Im....
Oh, one second.
"Bad Horse Phone Call"
BAD HORSE CHORUS
HE SAW THE OPERATION
YOU TRIED TO PULL TODAY
BUT YOUR HUMILIATION MEANS HE STILL VOTES NAY
AND NOW ASSASSINATION IS JUST THE ONLY WAY
THERE WILL BE BLOOD
IT MIGHT BE YOURS
SO GO KILL SOMEONE
SIGNED: BAD HORSE
Lab
MOIST
Kill someone?
DR. HORRIBLE
Would you do it? To get into the Evil League of Evil?

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

15.

MOIST
Look at me man. Im Moist. I mean, at my most bad-ass I
make people feel like they want to take a shower. Im
not E.L.E material.
DR. HORRIBLE
Killings not elegant or creative. Its not my style.
MOIST
Youve got more than enough evil hours to get into the
Henchmans Union.
DR. HORRIBLE
*Pfft* Im not a henchman. Im Dr. Horrible. I have a
P.H.D. in horribleness.
MOIST
Is that the new catch phrase?
DR. HORRIBLE
I deserve to get in. You know I do. But killing?
Really?
MOIST
Hourglass says she knows a kid in Iowa that grows up to
become president. Thatd be big.
DR. HORRIBLE
Im not gonna kill a little kid.
MOIST
Smother an old lady.
DR. HORRIBLE:
Do I even know you?
Laundry Mat
DR. HORRIBLE
I just, you know, REALLY think Im qualified for this,
this job and I just cant get my foot in the door.
PENNY
Im sure you will.
DR. HORRIBLE
I wanna do great things, you know? I wanna be an
achiever. Like Bad Horse...
PENNY
The thoroughbred of sin?

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

16.

DR. HORRIBLE
I meant Ghandi.
PENNY
Well, Ive gotten turned down from plenty of jobs. Even
fired a few times.
DR. HORRIBLE
I cant imagine anyone firing you.
PENNY
Neither could I. Now I can visualize it really well.
But, you know... everything happens.
DR. HORRIBLE
Dont say "for a reason".
PENNY
No, Im just saying that everything happens.
DR. HORRIBLE
Not to me.
"Heres a Story"
PENNY
HERES A STORY
OF A GIRL
WHO GREW UP LOST AND LONELY
THINKING LOVE WAS FAIRY TALE
AND TROUBLE WAS MADE ONLY FOR ME
EVEN IN THE DARKENSS EVERY COLOR CAN BE FOUND
AND EVERY DAY OF RAIN BRINGS WATER FLOWING TO
THINGS GROWING IN THE GROUND
GRIEF REPLACED WITH PITTY
FOR A CITY BARELY COPING
DREAMS ARE EASY TO ACHIEVE
IF HOPE IS ALL IM HOPING TO BE
ANY TIME YOURE HURT
THERES ONE WHO HAS IT WORSE AROUND
AND EVERY DROP OF RAIN WILL KEEP YOU GROWING
SEEDS YOURE SOWING IN THE GROUND
SO KEEP YOUR HEAD UP
BILLY BUDDY
Its like Captain Hammers always saying...

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

17.

DR. HORRIBLE
Right. Him. How are things with "cheesy on the
outside"?
PENNY
Good. Theyre good. Hes nice.
Ill be interested to know what you think of him. He
said he might stop by.
DR. HORRIBLE
Stop by here?!
PENNY
Yeah.
DR. HORRIBLE
OH! Goodness. Look at my wrist. I gotta go
PENNY
But what about your clothes?
DR. HORRIBLE
I dont love these. See ya.
ARGH!
CAPTAIN HAMMER
Oh, Pardon.
DR. HORRIBLE
Pardon.
PENNY
Billy, this is Captain Hammer.
CAPTAIN HAMMER
OH! Billy, the laundry buddy. well it is very nice to
meet you.
DR. HORRIBLE
Were meeting now for the first time.
CAPTAIN HAMMER
You look horribly familiar.
DR. HORRIBLE
One of those faces I guess.
CAPTAIN HAMMER
Have I seen you at the gym?

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

18.

DR. HORRIBLE
At the gym...
CAPTAIN HAMMER
I dont go to the gym, Im just naturally like this. Oh
well.
Who wants to know what the Mayor is doing behind closed
doors? He is signing over a certain building to a
Caring Hands Group as a new homeless shelter.
PENNY
Oh my God!
CAPTAIN HAMMER
Yep. Apparently the only signature he needed was my
fist. But, with a pen in it. That I was signing with.
PENNY
I, I cant believe it!
DR. HORRIBLE
Congratulations
PENNY
Thank you, THANK YOU!
CAPTAIN HAMMER
ahh
PENNY
Oh
DR. HORRIBLE
Well, this is great. I wish I could stay and chit-chat.
CAPTAIN HAMMER
Well it sure was nice to meet you... Doctor...
You got a little crush, dont you Doc? Well thats
gonna make this hard to hear. See, later Im gonna take
little Penny back to my place, show her the Command
Center, Hammer Cycle, maybe even the Ham-Jet. You think
she likes me now? Im gonna give Penny the night of her
life. Just because you want her, and I get what you
want. See, Pennys giving it up. Shes givin it up
hard, cause shes with Captain Hammer. And THESE are
not the hammer.
The hammer is my penis.

19.

Street
"Brand New Day"
DR. HORRIBLE
THIS APPEARED AS A MORAL DILEMMA
CAUSE AT FIRST IT WAS WEIRD THOUGH I SWORE TO ELIMINATE
THE WORST OF THE PLAGUE THAT DEVOURED HUMANITY
ITS TRUE I WAS VAGUE ON THE HOW SO HOW CAN IT BE THAT
YOU
HAVE SHOWN ME THE LIGHT
ITS A BRAND NEW DAY
AND THE SUN IS HIGH
ALL THE BIRDS ARE SINGING
THAT YOURE GONNA DIE
HOW I HESITATED
NOW I WONDER WHY
ITS A BRAND NEW DAY
ALL THE TIMES THAT YOU BEAT ME UNCONSCIOUS
ILL FORGIVE
ALL THE CRIMES INCOMPLETE, LISTEN, HONESTLY
ILL LIVE
MR. COOL, MR. RIGHT, MR. KNOW-IT-ALL IS THROUGH
AND THE FUTURES SO BRIGHT
AND I OWE IT ALL TO YOU
YOU SHOWED ME THE LIGHT
ITS A BRAND NEW ME
IVE GOT NO REMORSE
NOW THE WATERS RISIN
BUT I KNOW THE COURSE
IM GONNA SHOCK THE WORLD
GONNA SHOW BAD HORSE
ITS A BRAND NEW DAY
AND PENNY WILL SEE
THE EVIL ME
NOT A JOKE
NOT A DORK
NOT A FAILURE
AND SHE MAY CRY
BUT HER TEARS WILL DRY
WHEN I HAND HER THE KEYS
TO A SHINY NEW AUSTRALIA
ITS A BRAND NEW DAY
AND THE SUN IS HIGH
ALL THE ANGELS SING
BECAUSE YOURE GONNA DIE
GO AHEAD AND LAUGH
YEAH IM A FUNNY GUY
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

DR. HORRIBLE (contd)

TELL EVERYONE GOOD-BYE
ITS A BRAND NEW DAY

20.

21.

ACT III
Multiple (T.V., Street & Lab)
FEMALE REPORTER
Looks like were finding out what a true hero is
MALE REPORTER
The mayor himself will be on hand to dedicate the new
homeless shelter and unveil the statue of Captain
Hammer.
FEMALE REPORTER
Its a good day to be homeless.
MALE REPORTER
Ahaha, it certainly is.
"Perfect Story"
MOVER #1
SO THEY SAY CAPTAIN HAMMERS BECOME A CRUSADER,
POLITICAL, HES CLEANIN UP THE STREETS.
MOVER #2
About time.
GROUPIE #1
SO THEY SAY ITS REAL LOVE
GROUPIES
SO ROMANTIC
GROUPIE #3
HE SIGNED THIS.
PENNY
SO THEY SAY WELL HAVE BLANKETS AND BEDS. WE CAN OPEN
BY MONDAY THANKS TO YOU.
CAPTAIN HAMMER
Thanks to ME.
REPORTERS
ITS THE PERFECT STORY
MALE REPORTER
SO THEY SAY
FEMALE REPORTER
A HERO LEADING THE WAY

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

22.

REPORTERS
HAMMERS CALL TO GLORY
FEMALE REPORTER
LETS ALL BE OUR BEST
MALE REPORTER
Next up, whos gay?
GROUPIE #2
SO THEY SAY HE SAVED HER LIFE.
GROUPIE #1
THEY SAY SHE WORKS WITH THE HOMELESS, AND DOESNT EAT
MEAT.
GROUPIES
WE HAVE A PROBLEM WITH HER.
GROUPIE #3
THIS IS HIS HAIR.
CAPTAIN HAMMER
THIS IS SO NICE
I JUST MIGHT SLEEP WITH THE SAME GIRL TWICE
THEY SAY ITS BETTER THE SECOND TIME
THEY SAY YOU GET TO DO THE WEIRD STUFF
GROUPIES
WE DO THE WEIRD STUFF
PENNY
THIS IS PERFECT FOR ME
SO THEY SAY
I GUESS HES PRETTY OK
AFTER YEARS OF STORMY SAILING
HAVE I FINALLY FOUND THE BAY?
MOIST
Hes still not picking up.
DR. HORRIBLE & PENNY
THERES NO HAPPY ENDING
SO THEY SAY
DR. HORRIBLE
Not for me anyway.
PENNY
SHOULD I STOP PRETENDING

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

23.

DR. HORRIBLE
(STOP PRETENDING)
TAKE THE CHANCE TO BUILD A BRAND NEW DAY?
PENNY
(OR IS THIS A BRAND NEW DAY?)
GROUPIE #3
THIS IS HIS DRY-CLEANING BILL
GROUPIES
FOUR SWEATER-VESTS.
Town Hall
MAYOR
And in just a few minutes well unveil the statue of
the man himself. Thank you. Thank you.
Justice has a name, and the name it has (besides
justice) is Captain Hammer. Ladies and Gentlemen; your
hero.
CAPTAIN HAMMER
Thank you. Thank you Mayor for those kind words.
"I hate the homeless...
"-ness problem that plagues our city. Everyone should
have the basic... "
You know what? I dont need tiny cue cards. When I fell
DEEPLY in love with my serious, long term girlfriend
Penny (wave your hand Penny) There she is. Cute huh?
Sort of a quiet, nerdy thing. Not my usual, but nice.
Anyway, she turned me on to this whole homeless...
thing... which is terrible, and I realized, Im not the
only hero in the room tonight. Im not the only one
whos fighting.
"Everyones a Hero"
IT MAY NOT FEEL TOO CLASSY
BEGGING JUST TO EAT
BUT YOU KNOW WHO DOES THAT?
LASSIE. AND SHE ALWAYS GETS A TREAT
SO YOU WONDER WHAT YOUR PART IS
CAUSE YOURE HOMELESS AND DEPRESSED
BUT HOME IS WHERE THE HEART IS
SO YOUR REAL HOMES IN YOUR CHEST
EVERYONES A HERO IN THEIR OWN WAY
EVERYONES GOT VILLAINS THEY MUST FACE
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

24.

THEYRE NOT AS COOL AS MINE

BUT FOLKS YOU KNOW ITS FINE
TO KNOW YOUR PLACE
EVERYONES A HERO IN THEIR OWN WAY
IN THEIR OWN, NOT THAT HEROIC WAY
SO I THANK MY GIRLFRIEND PENNY
YEAH, WE TOTALLY HAD SEX
SHE SHOWED ME THERES SO MANY
DIFFERENT MUSCLES I CAN FLEX
THERES THE DELTOIDS OF COMPASSION
THERES THE ABS OF BEING KIND
ITS NOT ENOUGH TO BASH IN HEADS
YOUVE GOT TO BASH IN MINDS
EVERYONES A HERO IN THEIR OWN WAY
EVERYONES GOT SOMETHIN THEY CAN DO
GET UP, GO OUT AND FLY
ESPECIALLY THAT GUY
HE SMELLS LIKE POO
EVERYONES A HERO IN THEIR OWN WAY
YOU AND YOU AND MOSTLY ME AND YOU
IM POVERTYS NEW SHERIFF
AND IM BASHING IN THE SLUMS
A HERO DOESNT CARE IF YOURE A
BUNCH OF SCARY, ALCOHOLIC BUMS
EVERYBODY!
EVERYONES A HERO IN THEIR OWN WAY
CHORUS
(WERE HEROES TOO)
CAPTAIN HAMMER
EVERYONE CAN BLAZE A HEROS TRAIL
CHORUS
(WERE JUST LIKE YOU)
CAPTAIN HAMMER
DONT WORRY IF ITS HARD
IF YOURE NOT A FRIGGIN TARD
YOU WILL PREVAIL
CHORUS
(AHHH AHH AHH OOOOOO)
CAPTAIN HAMMER
EVERYONES A HERO IN THEIR OWN WAY

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

25.

CHORUS
(WERE HEROES TOO)
CAPTAIN HAMMER
EVERYONES A HERO IN THEI...
"Slipping"
DR. HORRIBLE
LOOK AT THESE PEOPLE
AMAZING HOW SHEEPLL
SHOW UP FOR THE SLAUGHTER
NO ONE CONDEMNING
YOU LINED UP LIKE LEMMINGS
YOU LED TO THE WATER
WHY CANT THEY SEE
WHAT I SEE
WHY CANT THEY HEAR THE LIES?
MAYBE THE FEES TOO PRICEY
FOR THEM TO REALIZE
YOUR DISGUISE IS SLIPPING
I THINK YOURE SLIPPING
NOW THAT YOUR SAVIORS
AS STILL AS THE GRAVE
YOURE BEGINNING TO FEAR ME
LIKE CAVEMEN FEAR THUNDER
I STILL HAVE TO WONDER
CAN YOU REALLY HEAR ME?
I BRING YOU PAIN
THE KIND YOU CANT SUFFER QUIETLY
FIRE UP YOUR BRAIN
REMIND YOU INSIDE YOURE RIOTING
SOCIETY IS SLIPPING
EVERYTHINGS SLIPPING AWAY
SOO
GO AHEAD
RUN AWAY
SAY IT WAS HORRIBLE
SPREAD THE WORD
TELL A FRIEND
TELL THEM THE TALE
GET A PIC
DO A BLOG
HEROS ARE OVER WITH
LOOK AT HIM
NOT A WORD
HAMMER MEET NAIL
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

26.

DR. HORRIBLE (contd)

THEN I WIN
THEN I GET
EVERYTHING I EVER
ALL THE CASH
ALL THE FAME
AND SOCIAL CHANGE
ANARCHY
THAT I RUN
ITS DR. HORRIBLES TURN
YOU PEOPLE ALL HAVE TO LEARN
THIS WORLD IS GOING TO BURN
BURN
Yeah, its two "Rs"
H-O-R-R. Right.
BURN
NO SIGN OF PENNY
GOOD
I WOULD GIVE ANYTHING
NOT TO HAVE HER SEE
ITS GONNA BE BLOODY
HEAD UP BILLY BUDDY
THERES NO TIME FOR MERCY
HERE GOES NO MERCY
Thats not a good sound...
CAPTAIN HAMMER
WAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYY!
A Death-Ray? Looks like Dr. Horribles moving up. Lets
see if this one works any better than your others.
DR. HORRIBLE
Dont...
CAPTAIN HAMMER
I dont have time for your warnings. You give my
regards to Saint Peter... or whoever has his job, but
in Hell.
Awww ahhhhh Im in pain. I think this is what pain
feels like. Oh mommy! Someone maternal. Get outta my
way! I gotta get out!

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

27.

DR. HORRIBLE
Penny! Penny? oh
PENNY
Billy? Is that you?
DR. HORRIBLE
Penny, hold on. Oh no no no no no.
PENNY
Are you all right?
DR. HORRIBLE
Hold on, well...
PENNY
Its ok. Its ok. Captain Hammer will save us...
DR. HORRIBLE
Penny?!?
"Everything You Ever (Finale)"
PRESS
Dr. Horrible, whyd you kill her?
Dr. Horrible, was this all part of your plan?
Dr. Horrible, over here. Whyd you do it Dr. Horrible?
DR. HORRIBLE
HERE LIES EVERYTHING
THE WORLD I WANTED AT MY FEET
MY VICTORYS COMPLETE
SO HAIL TO THE KING
CHORUS
(EVERYTHING YOU EVER...)
DR. HORRIBLE
ARISE AND SING
SO YOUR WORLDS BENIGN
SO YOU THINK JUSTICE HAS A VOICE
AND WE ALL HAVE A CHOICE
WELL NOW YOUR WORLD IS MINE
CHORUS
(EVERYTHING YOU EVER...)
DR. HORRIBLE
AND I AM FINE
CAPTAIN HAMMER
Right here, In my heart and it hurts inside...

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

DR. HORRIBLE
NOW THE
NOW DR.
TO MAKE
TO MAKE

28.

NIGHTMARES REAL
HORRIBLE IS HERE
YOU QUAKE WITH FEAR
THE WHOLE WORLD KNEEL

CHORUS
EVERYTHING YOU EVER...
DR. HORRIBLE
AND I WONT FEEL
Blog # 5
A thing.