Wearing Husband Goggles

The partys host paid me a great compliment. You are a good-looking woman, he said. H
onestIve had only one beer.
My glow was only slightly dimmed when my husband interjected, Imagine how great s
hell look after two.
Rosemary Tomy, Tucson, Arizona
Funny Stories, Marriage Jokes
The Problem With New Jeans
I was at the customer-service desk, returning a pair of jeans that was too tight
.
Was anything wrong with them? the clerk asked.
Yes, I said. They hurt my

feelings.

A. P., via e-mail

Customer Service Jokes, Funny Stories
Military Lesson: Never Volunteer
During basic training at Fort Leavenworth, our sergeant asked if anyone had artist
ic abilities. Having been an architectural draftsman in civilian life, I raised m
y hand. Then the sergeant announced that everyone would get a three-day pass exce
pt me. I would stay behind and neatly print each soldiers name onto his Army-issu
ed underwear.
Steven Silver, Scarsdale, New York
Funny Stories, Military Jokes
A Vietnam Tupperware Party
The steaming jungles of Vietnam were not my husbands first choice of places to spe
nd his 21st birthday. However, the mood was brightened when he received a birthd
ay cake from his sister. It was carefully encased in a Tupperware container and c
ame with this note: Dick, when youre finished, can you mail back my container?
Kathy Wilson, Chaska, Minnesota
Funny Stories, Military Jokes
Art Reflects Life Too Closely
As a Speech therapist, I was working with a preschooler on body-part identificati
on and the k sound. To that end, I had him use Play-Doh to make a sculpture of me.
Is that my neck? I asked, trying to get him to repeat the word.
No, thats your chin, he said.
He added more Play-Doh. Is that my neck? I asked.
No, thats your other chin.
Ilene Smith, Milan, Michigan
Funny Stories, Office Jokes
Overheard At Our Diner
Girl: Ick! Why does this sandwich have bacon on it?

Friend: You ordered a BLT.

Girl: Whaaaat? I thought the B stood for bread.
Alyssa Hoover, Dillsburg, Pennsylvania
Customer Service Jokes, Daily Life Jokes, Funny Stories
No Such Thing As A Free Yacht
A salesman talked my uncle into buying 10,000 personalized pens for his business
with the promise that he would be eligible to win a 32-foot yacht. A born gamble
r, my uncle agreed.
Well, he won, and a few weeks after the pens arrived, his prize showed up: a 12inch plastic yacht with 32 plastic feet glued to the bottom.
Eddie Edwards, Ripley, Tennessee
Dad Jokes, Daily Life Jokes, Funny Stories
Time Zones Are Hard.
While I was out to lunch, my coworker answered my phone and told the caller that
I would be back in 20 minutes. The woman asked, Is that 20 minutes Central Standar
d Time?
Jamie Hindman, Lewisville, Texas
Customer Service Jokes, Daily Life Jokes, Dumb and Funny Jokes, Funny Stories, O
ffice Jokes
Have You Ever Been Insulted And Complimented At The Same Time?
Its amazing how a person can compliment and insult you at the same time. Recently
, when I greeted my coworker, she said, You look so gorgeous, I didnt recognize yo
u.
Elaine Schyve, Cohocton, New York
Daily Life Jokes, Funny Stories, Office Jokes
One Reason To Buy A Painting
At an art gallery, a woman and her ten-year-old son were having a tough time choo
sing between one of my paintings and another artists work. They finally went with
mine.
I guess you decided you prefer an autumn scene to a floral, I said.
No, said the boy. Your paintings wider, so itll cover three holes in

our wall.

Betty Tenney, Sterling Heights, Michigan

Customer Service Jokes, Daily Life Jokes, Funny Stories
Why Cant Coffee Shops Spell Correctly?
When asked for his name by the coffee shop clerk, my brother-in-law answered, Mar
c, with a C. Minutes later, he was handed his coffee with his name written on the
side: Cark.
Paul Neelon, Pembroke, Massachusetts
Customer Service Jokes, Daily Life Jokes, Dumb and Funny Jokes, Funny Stories
My Grandson Is A Smart Egg
At the mall, my five-year-old grandson joined the other children in line waiting
to sit on the Easter Bunnys lap. When it was his turn, Jake didnt move; he just s
tared.

Dont you want to sit on the

bunnys lap? I asked.

No! he shouted. Theres a man in his mouth!

C. S., via mail
Family Jokes, Funny Stories, Holiday Jokes
My Sword of Employer
The black lacquer stand holding his prized samurai swords was dusty, so my husban
d left our cleaning lady a note, reading, Check out my swords. That evening, he fo
und the stand just as dirty as before but with this appended to his note: Nice swor
ds.
Eleonore Bode-Lemming, Salem, Oregon
Dad Jokes, Daily Life Jokes, Funny Stories
Garage Sale Crap-Shoot
While hosting a garage sale, I asked a man if he was looking for anything in part
icular. Yes, he said. Place mats the color of grape jelly.
H. T. Gibbons, Santa Fe, New Mexico
Funny Stories
Pick a Husband, Any Husband
As the hostess at the casino buffet showed me to my table, I asked her to keep an
eye out for my husband, who would be joining me momentarily. I started to describ
e him: He has gray hair, wears glasses, has a potbelly
She stopped me there. Honey, she said, today is senior day. They all look like that
.
Rosalie Daria, Cincinnati, Ohio
Customer Service Jokes, Funny Stories, Old Age Jokes
At Ease, and April Fools!
We were inspecting several lots of grenades. While everyone was concentrating on
the task at hand, I held up a spare pin and asked, Has anyone seen my grenade?
SMSgt. Dan Powell, from rallypoint.com
Funny Stories, Military Jokes
Military Pranks Are Scarier Than Bombs
The military has a long, proud tradition of pranking recruits. Here are some fav
orites from rallypoint.com:
Instructed a private in the mess hall to look for left-handed spatulas
Sent a recruit to medical-supplies office in search of fallopian tubes
Had a new guy conduct a boom test on a howitzer by yelling Boom! down the tube in ord
er to calibrate it
Ordered a private to bring back a five-gallon can of dehydrated water (in fact, t
he sergeant just wanted an empty water can)
Dumb and Funny Jokes, Funny Stories, Military Jokes
My Kids Dont Know What I Do
Ive been working on my PhD in engineering for the past five years, but my kids dont
necessarily see that as work.
As we were driving past Walmart one day, my son spotted a Now Hiring sign and su

ggested that I could get

a job there.

Hoping to make a point, I asked, Do you think theyre looking for an engineer?
Oh, sure, he said. Theyll hire anybody.
Christopher Fields, Fort Collins, Colorado
Dad Jokes, Daily Life Jokes, Family Jokes, Funny Stories, Office Jokes
An Impossibly Long Leave
An insurance agent called our medical office. One of our doctors had filled out a
medically necessary leave-of-absence form for a patient, but, the agent said, the
patient had altered it. The giveaway? The return-to-work date had been changed to
February 30.
J. L., via e-mail
Dumb and Funny Jokes, Funny Stories, Office Jokes
The Wrong Lesson