Second Life: My New Car

By Susanne Katz

I once had a mother-in-law, but she died a few years ago.  Now I have a common-law
mother-in-law.  I’m not married, but I know a mother-in-law when I see one.  How you
see a mother-in-law can depend on whether you have one or you are one.

If you have one in your first life, she came with the first husband and the first family that
you married into.  It was a divine act when you made that mother-in-law a grandmother. 
No matter how much you were disliked, before or after the birth of that grandchild, that
one act insured your place in the hereafter.

If you acquired a mother-in-law in your second life, the scenario is vastly different. 
Imagine standing on a football field with two opposing teams.  Her team includes her
children, her grandchildren and her ex-daughter-in-law.  Your team includes your
children and grandchildren and your ex-husband.  The guy in the middle is your partner,
who now plays for both teams.  We call these blending families but it’s still a ballgame
where the guy in the middle has to decide how to play for both teams.

If you are the mother-in-law, the guy in the middle is your son.  He used to play for your
team, but now he crosses over and can score a goal for both teams; yours and the new
wife’s.  And a new team has entered the field, so your son also has to play for his wife’s
mother’s team.  Yes, we call this blending families.

The truth is, blending families is like a football game, and does require a bit of
teamwork.  The conversation usually explores how the kids will blend into the new
family.  Rarely does this discussion include the mothers-in-law.

As kids, we learned to play together in the sandbox.  That’s not a bad way to look at the
in-law situation.  If we are all in the sandbox together, we all have to play nice.  No
throwing sand and no making anyone cry. 

Or, we could think about the beehive as the family home.  The toughest question is how
to make the queen in-law play by the rules and help keep peace in the hive. 

And that’s my last attempt at solving this.

Susanne Katz is the author of “A Woman’s Guide to Managing a Mid-Life Divorce,” the

host of the radio program, What Women Want and a columnist for Atlanta Jewish
News.  She is also a regular ShareWIK.com contributor. 

More Susanne Katz articles, click here.