Let Me Tell You

I am not okay. I am not always strong. I do not have all the answers - I don't even have half
of them. If I love you at all I've probably hated you with a passion at least once. I'm not
always happy to see you - but I am always glad you're there.

I am home.

And I am missing things I thought I'd let go of. Battling things I thought I was okay with.
Loving things I never thought I'd like.

I'm surprisingly calm. I'm surprisingly old. I'm surprisingly quiet.

I am not doing one little thing I don't want to do. If I am reading a book for anything but
sheer pleasure I put it down. If I don't want to get out of bed I don't. If I don't want to go I
stay home. If I am annoyed, bored, or restless I get up and walk away. And for once in my
life, I actually don't care how you might feel about that - whoever you are.

And even though every moment of these last two years has been filled with love, God, and
promise. Even though I was blessed beyond reason. Even though I cannot thank Him
enough for all the love and laughter He brought into my life -

It was long. It was hard. It was confusing. It was lonely. It was rough. It was changing. It was
exhausting.

I am exhausted.

Mentally, relationally, spiritually, emotionally, physically - exhausted.

I've decided that's okay. It's okay that I'm tired. It's okay that I don't have it all together. It's
okay that I'm struggling with things I thought I was okay with.

It's okay because I'm home.

It's okay because He's here.

And I'm doing exactly what I'm supposed to be doing, with the exact people I'm supposed
to be with, at this exact time.

If I do nothing more this Summer than love strong, talk deep, think long, and simply be
then I'm okay with that.

Because mentally, relationally, spiritually, emotionally, and physically:

I came home to heal.