Wed, 16 Aug 2023

Good morning I hope you slept well

So i'm sorry for last night.
all in all I don't think that either of us meant to hurt eachother. we both have
different ways of dealing with issues, that one I came to understand. I think I
should work on finding ways that I can express and relieve my issues in ways that
doesn't hurt you or me, I'm a very vocal person and sometimes it's messy yet i dont
know how to stop it because if i don't talk to you on what's bothering me i will
give you off energies.i really don't know how to do it. I know I said alot of
things yesterday this is not a cover up but being honest anxiety took the best of
me it was difficult for me to control it and I was alone at home I didn't have
someone to sit with and I'm sorry I took it all out on you it's just the way you
make me feel sometimes so i act off. I'm really sorry . i ended up calling Paul to
come over. Honestly I didn't mean to hurt you. I can be very open sometimes and
whatever i end up saying,thats basically how i am feeling at the moment or whow ive
been feeling for a while. I know I'm very open than you and that might catch you
off guard sometimes because you aren't as open with me, and I guess I don't give
you a safe space for that. I constantly feel like everything is all my fault,mostly
on how I do things. I don't feel good enough for you ,sometimes you make me feel
like that and when you are closed off I wonder if its because you think I'm not
good enough to make you happy sometimes i think you need someone whose calm like
you someone who deals with things the way you do someone who has it all together
someone whose grown enough i guess someone who dont stress you out because you
don't like it. For me i love being calm but calmness don't sit with me all the time
i tend to stress you out most of the time and i can be crazy sometimes but do you
help me calm down?...im sorry but you end up isolating yourself from me ,you let me
deal with whatever is bothering me . I'm sorry I feel really terrible for being so
upset last night . I don't like the way things are between us there is alot going
on we constantly keep on hurting one another there is no progress on how we handle
things because we all have our on ways of handling things and at the end of the day
we dont come into to a conclusion together. according to me its not healthy. im not
trying to bash you out or something ,I question alot if you really want to grow
together ,you tell me nothing, if I tell you what's bothering me u completely go
ghost, you don't tell me if I've done anything wrong so that I can correct it you
pile things up and you don't tell me . the last time we had deep conversations was
when you were chasing me ,I try to engage you sometimes and then you end up
ignoring it or you hit me with I don't know how to answer that. I really don't see
growth . It will never be easy there will be all type of things but are we having
healthy conflicts? absolutely no
are we going through these days together? absolutely no it's you deal with it your
own way I deal with mine in my own way, we come back pretend like nothing
happened...there is no happiness in that
I'm sorry I take back everything that did upset you I'm sorry. and don't you tell
me its well i dont know what that means you TALK
For me I wont give you time to process things any decision that you'll end up
making or anything you have in mind ,your thoughts tell me I want you to remember
I'm not bashing you out on anything, all this is about you and me

Have a blessed day