January 27, 2023

2:22am

My Dear Bubbles,

I have been doing a lot of things the past few days, and some thinking too. I want to get
some written down so maybe we can collaborate on the future, hoping to maintain a friendship
worth keeping.

As you read this, please keep in mind I am speaking from a place of love, and not trying to
be accusatory, nor attempting to avoid responsibility for my mistakes. I really do love you, very
much more than I have been lately providing. I don't pretend to really know what driving forces
another person experiences, but as a (somewhat) mildly intelligent and concerned human
being, I have a few theories and a lot of thoughts and guesses that I am sure most are wildly
inaccurate, but odds are good that I caught a few things in (or near) the ballpark.
You do know of Mee that I take time to process before conclusion, and I try to remember
many people don't care to (seeking the right phrase) "resolve?" No… not really "hash out"
either…
… don't care to disassemble a problem to it's basest elements, thoroughly examine each issue,
and find a reconstructive positive lesson, thus lessening the chance of repeating the same hurt.
And, maybe defeating future pain as well. Often desire begs for what seems will stop the issue
the fastest, but that only feels like avoidance, which turns into accusatory denial, and continues
toward flat out neglect, which compounds quickly and indefinitely perpetuates the cycle. (From
here forward, 'I,' 'you,' and 'Mee' are used as markers to express, not specifically intending to
point personal position.)

As if both sides fall to the thought of, "if you would just stop bleeding while I stab you, and
immediately forget I am incapable of perfection (yet accept your own imperfect failure), while
also helping Mee avoid healing my slit wrists, I wouldn't be forced to torture you to distract my
self from my own insecurities that refuse to allow Mee to stop stabbing you."

'I had to hurt you because I got hurt when I hurt you, and that made Mee upset because you
are upset for Mee being hurt, which makes Mee angry because you are pissed I am angry
because I don't like you hurting, and that makes you afraid and cry, which frustrates Mee
because I don't want to fight, so stop fighting Mee and accept punishment for…' wait… see
the circle?

Without trying, feelings and emotions still flair and falter, and tears still fall, and anger is riled,
which hurts feelings, which still produces tears, which still causes frustration, which circles back
to anger, causing pain, sparking reaction, inciting, fueling, enraging, blinding… defying…
denying… avoiding… ignoring…
 Ignorance is bliss, yes. But only true ignorance - not yet having knowledge or experience.
Using the action of non-acknowledgement does not bring happiness. Denying the bullet wound
doesn't heal the damage, nor does it provide clarity of intention.

Then, the point comes where intent decides to rule, and validates itself by citing a history of
damage, but denying the mind of the memory that intention didn't have anything to do with the
initial first bruise and should not be (phrase again)
… encouraged?
… trusted?
… exalted, idolized, and lifted on high righteousness?

So this is why I like to talk about things that piss you and Mee off. And stuff that makes the
butthole pucker and itch and twitch. And the shit that keeps going because nobody wants to
handle it at all, not even long enough to throw it away, but still emits the desire to stuff an old
dirty sock from the alleyway down a throat and pull it out of the ass like a rabbit from the top hat.
"But I don't want to discuss it."

Oh it will be discussed, one way or another. Ya can talk and listen, or ya can scream at each
other just to drown out the yelling.

Nobody has to be wrong for me to be right, and also, just because I am right doesn't mean
anyone is wrong. the sky is light blue. the sky is dark black. the sky has no color, but as
sentient beings, we imagine colors so we can understand the universe, and so we CAN know
the difference between our ass from a hole in the ground. Without contrasting physical
manifestation, we can't find our own butt, even with both hands and a map. I need the map in
case I have to go number 2 when I'm way out there in my own little world and can't find any
green leaves. Gramma told me not to use the old fallen ones because they crumble, and that
just gets your hands.... well, really really yicky. no, I meant yicky. yuck washes and you can
forget. yick lingers in your fingers.

So… this is what I thought about for the past 20 or so hours. I honestly want to receive a
response, but from a calm place of love, and not a thoughtless retaliative reaction (meaning
instant, uncontemplated knee jerk retort). Please think awhile…. Like you used to before we
BOTH stopped bringing our brains to hang out together.

Yeah there's more, but this addresses the conflict we have become entangled within, and I
think I did okay trying not to be specific on "this issue" or 'that detail.'

I await your correspondence, and hope to maintain one of my favorite relationships in my

whole life. I do realize that you may not desire to continue to befriend Mee, but hey… (LOL
butthay) everyone has the right to choose.

Yours Truly,
Snap