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r i s h i k a l i a @ k h a l s a . c o m

26 August 2010
A innocent Dhamki:
As the thief was leaving the house,
the kid woke up and said,
"Mera school bag bhi le kar jaao..
warna main mummy ko uthaa doonga."

Ishq mein ye anjaam paaya hai,

haath paer toote, muh se khoon aaya hai,
Hospital pahunche to nurso ne yeh farmaaya hai,
"Bahaaron phool barsaao kisi ka mehboob aaya hai.."

Yamraaj ne ek ladke ki jaan le li to

Chitragupt ne poocha ki isko waqt se pehle kyon maara..
Yamraaj bole,
"Month end mein target jo poora karna hai.."

Question: What is height of flirting..?

Answer: When your love letter starts with,
"To whomsoever it may concern."

Maine kaha Dilruba,

usne kaha Ice-Cream khilaa..
Maine kaha Paise nahi,
usne kaha Aise nahi..
Maine kaha mehngaai hai,
usne kaha Tu bhi mera bhai hai..

Papa beti se:

Beti, pehle to tum mujhe Papa kehti thi,
lekin ab Dad kehti ho, kyon?
Beti: Oh Dad, Papa kehne se
Lip-stick kharaab ho jaati hai.

You are GHONCHU

G-reat
H-ot
O-ne in million
N-aughty
C-ute
H-umble
U-nique

Age of Drinks:
1 to 3: Milk
3 to 8: Cerelac
9 to 13: Horlicks
14 to 25: Beer
26 to 40: Old Monk
41 to 60: Tonic
After 60: Anytime "Gangajal"

How woman call their husband in first Seven Years:

1st Year: A G..
2nd Year: O G..
3rd Year: Sunte ho..
4th Year: O chintoo ke papa..
5th Year: Maine kaha sunte ho..
6th Year: Kahaan marr gaye..
7th Year: Aap aate ho ki main aaun..

Ek baar jaan maang kar to dekho,

ek baar yaad kar ke to dekho,
agar hum na aaye to samajh lena..
janaab so rahe hain.

Dil ko pata tha woh jaroor aayegi,

Dil ko pata tha woh jaroor aayegi,
par kabhi socha na tha ki woh..
surprise mein apna husband bhi saath laayegi.

An apple a day,
keeps the doctor away.
But if the doctor is cute..
ki kar lega fruit!!

If you love someone,

don't keep her in your heart.
Keep her in your nails,
because if you fail in love..
don't break your heart,
just cut the nails.
Is this the reason that girls keep long nails..?

Pati mobile, Patni Sim-card.

Dono mile to hua recharge.
Beta hua to incoming,
Beti hui to outgoing.
Agar kuch na hua to missed call.

Indian soldiers captured a Pakistani..

They gave him a dice and said:
If you will get 1,2,3,4,5 we will kill you.
Pakistani asked- 6 aaya to..?
Indian- Ludo nahi khela kya..?
Dubaara baari.

Harbhajan Singh started bhangra

on the score of 33.
Sachin: Why are you dancing..
it's not a 50 or 100 yet..?
Bhajji: Only a punjab board student
can understand the value of 33!

Hum gaye unki gali mein,

bole dil se dil laga lo,
jab dekha uski mummy ko to bole..
Joote, chappal theek kara lo.

Love Never Dies!!

It Remains Forever!!
n Forever..
n Forever..
n Forever..
Only Partner Changes..

Why are doctors prescriptions impossible to read??

Because they all have an exclusive message only for the chemist.
"Maine to is patient ko loot liya, ab teri baari!!"

Media people asked abhishek,

what is the difference between new n old umraao jaan..?
Abhishek replied, not a big difference,
nayi mein apni setting hui..
aur purani mein papa ki..

Kisi ne is par nazar daali..

Kisi ne us par nazar daali..
humne jis par nazar daali,
uske baap ne uski shaadi kar daali.

You love someone..you marry someone else..

the one you marry becomes your wife or husband..
and the one you loved becomes the password of your email id.

Cat: How old are you?

Elephant: I am just five.
Cat: 5? How come, you look so big?
Elephant: I am a complan boy.
Elephant how old r u?
Cat: I am just 30.
Elephant: 30? But you are looking so small?
Cat: I am a santoor girl..

New Teacher:
Students tell ur name and hobbies.
Now Boys start:
I am Robert, My hobby is watching bubble in the bath tub.
I am Rohit, My hobby is watching bubble in the bath tub.
I am Raghu, My hobby is watching bubble in the bath tub.
Teacher: I wonder u all have same hobbies, next girl..
I am bubble.

Gandhiji chale gaye,

Nehruji chale gaye,
Bhagat Singh ji bhi chale gaye,
Aajkal meri bhi tabeeyat theek nahi rehti
pataa nahi desh ka kya hoga..??

Mrs. Dahi & Bhalla request the pleasure of ur company

to attend the marriage of their son
Kaka Gol Gappa WEDS Bibi Paapdee(D/O Mrs. Kachori & Mr. Samosa of Tikkipur)
at Pastry Hall on 05 Nov 1983, near Jalebi Chowk, Lijjat Papad Nagar.
PIN:420840
Mele chachu ki shaadi mein jalul aana..
Baby boondi., RSVP Masaaley.

Baniya on his deathbed:

Is my wife here?
YES.
Is my 1st son here?
YES.
Is my 2nd son here?
YES.
Kambakhto to fir dukaan per kaun hai?????

World's most painful shaayeri ever

full of grief and sorrow:
Dil mein chubhi sui..
dil mein chubhi sui..
dil mein chubhi sui..
........uui uui.

Boy: plz ek baar i love u bol de.

Girl: nahi mujhe sharam aati hai.
Boy: bol do na plz.
Girl: Dhattt.....
Boy: Plz ek baar..... dekh le..... behen nahi hai.
Boy to Father: Meri dooor ki nazar kharaab ho gayi hai, chashmaa le do.
Father took him outside and asked: Woh kya hai?????
Boy: Suraj.
Father: Abey Bhootni ke, ab aur kitni dooor dekhna chaahtaa hai!

Innocence at it's best-

Ek chota baby apni pregnant mummy se poochta hai:
Isme kya hai..?
Mummy: Isme ek pyaaraa sa baby hai.
Baby: Itna pyaaraa tha to khaa kyon gai..

Hasti thi hasti thi

Baalon ko lehraati thi
dekh kar sharmati thi,
kuch soch kar phir muskurati thi
aaj pataa chala
Saali PAAGAL thi.

Ek aadmi kabr par baitha tha.

Musaafir ne poocha darr nahi lagtaa..?
Aadmi: Darne ki kya baat hai..?
Ander garmi lag rahi thi..to baahar aa gaya.

Dus saal pehle: Girl-Maa mein jeans pehen loo?

Maa-Nahi.
Now-a-days: Girl-Maa mein mini pehen loo?
Maa-Pehen le beti kuch to pehen le..

A man: There is no word

as Impossible in my dictionary.
Santa: Abey to pehle hi
dekh kar khareedani chaahiye thi na.

9 arab 89 crore
10 lakh 69 thousand
and 004.
Daro mat, yeh mera bank balance nahi
mobile no. hai..!!

Someday u'll forget abt me..

my name.. my voice..
who i am and who i am to u..
and if that ever happens..
teri kasam khoon-kharaabaa ho jaayegaa..

Galat nazar se dekhoge

to har jagah kharaabi lagegi
aur sahi nazar se dekhoge
to har sunder ladki tumhaari bhabhi lagegi.
tumhaaraa bhai.

Ur eyes pathaaka, ur lips rocket,

ur ears chakri, ur baatein fuljhari,
ur style anaar, ur personality bomb..
Tu bhaag ja, i'm coming with candle!!

Lalooji ek mahina bush se

english ki training le kar aaye.
Ek din ek phone aaya to lalooji bole:
"Who iz ispeaking?"
Jawaab aaya:
"Hum sasoora BUSHWAA..!!"

Teacher to student: A=B, B=C so A=C,

Now tell me an example just like that
Student: I love u, u love ur daughter,
so I love ur daughter.

Teacher: Please pay a little attention.

Student: I am paying as little as I can, sir.

Jack n Jill:
Jekwaa n Jilwaa..gaye upar hilwaa..pania bharan ke vaaste
jekwaa gir gawaa..ooka khopdi phoot gawa
aur jilwaa aawat ludkan poora raaste.

Population control slogan in Bihar:

hum do, humaare do,
unke baad jitne bhi ho,
sabko delhi bhej do.....

Principal: Agar koi ladka girls hostel mein gaya to fine dena hoga.
1st time: 100 Rs.
2nd time: 200 Rs.
3rd time: 300 Rs.
Munna bhai interrupts n says:
ae maamu, monthly paas kitne mein hai..?

Pujaari ko loose motions lag gaye,

Dr. ke paas dawaa lene gayaa.
Dr. ne dawaa di to pujaari ne poocha,
parhez kya karoon?????
Dr. bola, "Bas SHANKH zor se mat bajaanaa."
In our life four things can come any time:
1. Love
2. Friendship
3. Money
4. ????
4. Susu

Short story.....
Two friends.....
See and Saw.....
One day see saw sea and
saw didn't see sea.
See saw sea and jumped in sea.
Saw didn't see sea but jumped in sea.
See saw saw in sea and
saw saw see in sea.
See saw both saw sea and
both saw and see were happy to see sea.
The End.....

Do you want a Free Recharge card number?

Go down..
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Scratch here with a blade.

Taj Mahal ko dekh kar bola Shah Jahaan ka pota..

Taj Mahal ko dekh kar bola Shah Jahaan ka pota..
Aaj humaaraa bhi bank balance hota agar dada deewana na hota!

Teacher asks a kid: What are the two latest versions of Java..?
Kid says: Marjava and Mitjava.

Teacher: Beta, bataao to "TAMSO MAA JYOTIR GAMAYA" shlok ka kya arth hai?
Student: Tum so jaao maa, main JYOTI ke paas jaa rahaaa hun....

Teacher to class: A for .. ?

Class: Apple.
Teacher: Zor se BOLO
Class: JAI MATA DI.

Haryanvi Jaat riding a bicycle hits a girl.

Girl: Ghanti nahin maari jaati kya?
Jaat: Re Chori, baawli hai ke?
Poori cycle maar di.. ib ghanti alag se maaru ke???

Din mein chen nahi,

raat ko neend nahi,
jee na lage kahi,
Khuda, kya yahi pyaar hai?
Khuda: Nahi vats, manager rank se neeche sabka yahi haal hai.

Ek makhi ek ganje ke sir per baith gayi

to second makhi ne kaha: achcha house khareeda hai.
First makhi ne kaha: abhi toh bas plot hi khareeda hai.

Ek newspaper mein chapaa ki 50% sardaar bewakoof hote hain.

Is par sardaaron ne khoob halla machaaya.
Fir chaapaa: 50% sardaar samajhdaar hote hain.
Tab kahin jaakar shaant hue.

Bhikhaari: Saaheb, Ek rupeyaa de do.

Saaheb: Kal aanaa.
Bhikhaari: Saalaa is kal kal ke chakkar mein
is colony mein mere laakhon rupaye fase hue hain..!!

Two sardaars were talking.

1st: Is Harbhajan Singh, the cricketer, male or female?
2nd: Female.
1st: How?
2nd: Just now the commentator told a wonderful delivery by him.

When you are watching,

when you are playing,
when you are sad,
when you are glad,
when you are mad,
when you are upset,
when you have problems,
just call me,
coz my incoming is FREE!

Aaj ke baad na peeyenge sharaab

humne kasam khaai hai,
aur isi khushi mein
ek peti aur mangwaai hai.

Aaj subha unki gali se hum nikle,

ajeeb itefaq tha,
phool to fenka unhone,
lekin...........
GAMLAA bhi saath tha!

Name the animal which is exactly like dog but

walks on three legs?
Langdaa kutta.

Sharaab ek aisi beemaari hai jo poore samaaj ko pee jaati hai.

Aao ise milkar khatam karein,
ek bottle tum khatam karo,
ek bottle hum khatam karein.

Mr. Bean called hospital to enquire abt his pregnant wife

but call went to cricket stadium.
Bean: What's the condition?
Reply: 7 are already out,
3 still to come &
first one was Duck.

Ravan ko court laya gaya aur kaha gita pe haath rakho.

Ravan chillaya, Sita pe haath rakha to itna bawaal ho gaya
ab gita pe nahi rakhoonga.

Devdas: Babuji ne kaha haveli chod do,

Maa ne kaha paro ko chod do,
ek din aayega jab paro ka bachcha kahega:
"Mamu, zaraa school chod do"!

"Laziness is our biggest enemy" - Jawahar Lal Nehru.

"We should love our enemy." - Mahatama Gandhi.
Dasso hun bapu di manniye ya chache di..??

Ek bachcha paida hote hi nurse se bola,

"Light hai kya?"
Nurse bole: No
Bachcha: Oh my God, fir se Bihar mein paida ho gaya..

Meri dukh bhari kahani padho.

"ptdj werrbgjh gbhujik jhgf".
mujhe pata tha..
mera dukh koi nahi samajh payega.

Funny word combinations

1. Clearly misunderstood
2. Exact estimate
3. Small crowd
4. Act naturally
5. Found missing
6. Fully empty
and
7. HAPPILY MARRIED!!
Why India is not yet developed?
Though population is 100 crore?
Because 7.9 crore are retired,
30 crore in state government jobs,
17 crore in central government jobs
(Both don't work efficiently).
1.1 crore IT professional
(They don't work for India).
25 crore in school,
2 crore under 5 years,
15 crore unemployed,
1.2 crore you can find anytime in hospitals.
Statistics say 79,99,997 people are in jail.
Rest two are you and me.
You are busy with your mobile.
How can i handle India alone..?

Innocent kid: Mummy mujhe sister chaahiye.

Mom: Beta Dad abroad hain, jaise hi woh aayenge
hum baat karenge unse.
Kid: Aap unhe SURPRISE kyon nahi dete?

It’s a horror story. Read it if you are dare enough.

Once in a rain there was an old man standing
with a book in his hand for sale.
A man came to him and asked for buying.
He sold the book for Rs. 3000/- and said,
“Don’t open last page of the book else
you will face problem".
Man finished all the pages with great fear but
one of his curiosity he opened the last page one day.
He was shocked to see..
MRP: Rs. 30/-

Girl to her boyfriend: Can you drive the car with one hand..?
Boyfriend (romantically): Ya sure!
Girl: Taan nak saaf kar le sidla jeha,
kado da vagi jaanda hai.

Haathi aur cheenti ki love marriage hui.

Doosre din hi haathi mar gaya.
Cheenti boli: Waah ri mohabbat,
ek din pyaar ke naam kiya aur
saari umar kabr khodne ka kaam diya!

A cute question:
Kid: Mom, kya aapne mujhe paida hone se pehle dekha tha..?
Mom: Nahi to.
Kid: To phir paida hone ke baad pehchana kaise..?

Boss: Pichle 6 mahino mein tumne kitni chhutiyan li hain,

kabhi bimari to kabhi honeymoon to kabhi bachche ki bimari.
Ab kya hai?
Employee: Sir, kal meri shaadi hai.

Mohabbat ke raaste mein har waqt dard milega..

Mohabbat ke raaste mein har waqt dard milega..
meri maano isi raaste par medical store khol lo
Mast Chalega!

Indian Airline's slogan:

A warm experience and motherly treatment!
Warm because the ACs doesn't work and
motherly because all air hostesses are above 40..

2 seater helicopter crashed on a kabristan in Punjab.

Next day's news: Punjab mein hawaai jahaaz gira,
250 laashe dhoond nikali gai hain, aur talaash jaari hai.

Inerviewer: What is recession?

Candidate: When 'Wine & Women' get replaced by
'Water & Wife' that critical phase of life is called recession.

Bharat ka sabse bada pralay ka din kaun sa hoga?

.
.
?
02/08/2012.
.
.
Kyonki is din rakhi aur Friendship Day ek saath hai..

Why smart people always say they are busy?

Think.
?
?
?
I will tell you later,
right now i am busy..