Introduction

I have done magic. I have controlled emotions with a wave of the hands. I have
silenced with a look; caused enchantment in the eyes with the right words. Am I talking
the occult? No; simply classroom teaching. A place where when things go right, you can’t
walk any finer, but, when things go wrong, you have no idea how long a second can be.
This I did for 25 years.

Then I went through a divorce. It brought me through a heart attack, a year and a half of
contemplating suicide (right down to electrical wires taped to my arms ready to plug it
in). Eighty-two days in jail for contempt of court (spending three days on suicide watch).
Eleven months working two jobs, having 65 percent, plus 20 percent taxes taken out and
not making ends meet until I became homeless. It is a little bit like being the captain of
the Titanic and watching it go down. I found myself doing more and more without until
the cell phone went, then eventually the car insurance. Mine was not a nice divorce.

I saw my homelessness coming. I was sure that I wouldn’t last a week in the great
unknown and I had made a vow to God that I would see the Smithsonian Institute before
I died. So when I left my apartment for the last time in New York in 2004, I headed down
to Washington. I had no registration. It was canceled when my insurance lapsed. Going to
Washington was my saving grace for if I had been homeless in New York, I would have
been lost. After seeing the Smithsonian I went down to Virginia Beach and hated it! I
drove to Richmond and was so depressed in Richmond that I got in my car and drove
west just to leave. I ended up in Charlottesville. It was “Fridays at five” and I asked a kid
if he knew a free place to camp and he told me of a spot. The next morning, I passed a
Salvation Army and something told me to stop in. They handed me a sheet to write what I
needed (food, clothes), I wrote ADVICE! I unloaded my life out to a Kimberly and said
what do I do now? She recommended I stay which I did.

Once in the Salvation Army I put applications everywhere, worked for a temporary
service and because I am not good at doing nothing I laid out my Tarot Cards on the
ground hoping to get some money. A little voice in my head had been saying “try your
arts”. I had been doing Tarot cards since I was 16, but I didn’t tell anybody. You don’t say
you do tarot cards when you are a school teacher. I was sure I looked like an idiot, but
amazingly I did not. Middle-aged men looked with envy at the freedom of it all. I told a
middle-age woman that I was a “guerilla vender” meaning that I work without a permit
and she said “No you’re not. You’re a pirate stealing the situation”. At first, because I
wasn’t sure about price I said give anything. As it turns out, that is the only legal way to
do cards. Tarot cards have been defined as “performance art” in courts of law and as such
are protected under the first amendment. The only thing is the moment I give a price; I
damn well better have a permit.

I started making more money doing tarot cards than I made at the temporary service so
I dropped the temporary service and stuck with cards. I found myself involved in a
different kind of magic. Thus my journey begins….

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 The Business
“There was music in the cafes at night and revolution in the air”

I would have an 18-inch square of fabric taped to the ground with cards on it in what is
called the Celtic Cross near a pedestrian walkway. The fabric is from Wal-Mart’s
Someone would stop and say, “Is that your reading?” I would say no, that’s a sales pitch.

If anybody asked for a reading I would say “Anybody who looks at tarot cards and says
‘oh my God! That’s my future’ is an idiot. Cards make you think, but if you’re thinking,
you know your future! That much is true.” If they questioned that I would say, “If the
cards say that you meet a man, have a great time and then get pregnant; you would be an
idiot to believe it, but you would also be an idiot not to go to the drugstore and get
protection.” About price I would say, “I will do a reading and when I am done then you
may give me whatever you think I deserve, or not.”

Before I handed them the deck, I would “clean” it. I’d shuffle it three times reversing
one side of the deck each time. As I did this I’d say, ”I did a reading for a woman in
Arizona who had a very sad life. After she left, the cards wouldn’t work for anybody until
I cleaned them. Speaking as a former science teacher, that statement has no logic.
However; talk to the psychics and they’ll tell you; turn the deck around and you cancel
the vibrations.”

I would hand them the cards to shuffle. In New Orleans I would see readers having
them just tap the deck, but I was never comfortable with that. After they’d shuffle I’d
have them lay the cards in three piles. I picked up the piles, put the bottom pile on the
middle and the whole thing on the top and turn the deck around because I’m reading for
them. It’s how I learned.

I would lay them out saying, “I’ll go simple, then more involved, then more involved.
You can stop anytime you want. I just read the cards. Going simple; there’s past; present;
future.” As I lay them in three piles right to left. From each pile would I turn over the top
card and then turn over the rest of the pile so there are six cards. Past are the right cards,
present is center and future is left side. I’d say, “If you can’t trust the past, or the present,
no way can you trust the future. That’s common sense!” I’d weave a story with the past

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two cards and ask if I’m going right. She would say yes and I do likewise for present.
Then I tell the future.

Then I’d say, “Think of a question or problem as you shuffle. You do not have to tell
me the problem; I got too many of my own.” They’d shuffle and lay the cards in three. I
would pick them up; bottom on middle; whole thing on top; turn the deck around. I lay
two down and say, “According to the question, this is what you see.” Usually they would
agree. Sometimes they’d say, “That’s a question I have, but not the one I was thinking
about.” I’d respond, “Is it going to answer the question you have in the front of the brain,
the middle, or the back? The cards talk about what’s closest to your heart!” If it didn’t fit,
I’d have them reshuffle. If it still didn’t fit, I’d say, “Maybe God doesn’t want me to read
you” and stop. The next two cards would say what they wanted. Sometimes it said they
wanted to feel sad. I would say, “That would be true if you feel guilty about it.” And they
would agree. Sometimes it said they wanted to drop the whole affair. The next two said
what they needed. I would say, “You’re supposed to being going through this so that
you… ” and read the cards and lay out the fourth two cards. and read..

I would do a long layout. I got it from Eden Grey. It is a pyramid shape. You always lay
the cards out right to left. The first four cards you lay out are the past; the next four are
the present. Everything else going up, is the future; Six on the next line; then four, two
and one. I had a girl bring another girl for a reading. There was something the girl, I was
reading, was planning and her friend and her family said don’t do it. She didn’t listen to
her friend, or family, but when the cards said basically the same thing she freaked. Many
times I will read the future and say, “I don’t know if this is true, or not, but the cards paint
a picture that you have a tendency to.” and describe a personality trait such as
stubbornness, or anger problems and have them agree. If it showed a temper outburst and
then they have problems I’d suggest that they might want to control their temper. If it
showed The Empress I’d say birth control would not be a bad idea.

To my left, or right would be other venders plying their trade. Jewelry makers would
layout necklaces, bracelets, or rings made from anything from silverware to bone, to
shells, or wood. Macramé weavers would have their hemp jewelry out. Portrait artists and
caricature artists had their easels up. And then there would be the spray-can artists.
They’d lay out white paper, Spray light blue over dark blue and rub it with a piece of
cardboard to cause to dark blue to show up as dark waves against the light blue. Then
spray light red and dark red and repeat the process. Then lay a paint lid over the blue and
a coffee lid over the red, spray the whole paper black and lift up the lids. It looked like
two planets in space. As he would be doing this you’d see the crowd gathering stare in
amazement as it looked like an entertaining mess and then suddenly appear realistic.
Then he’d ignite the spray to “flame” the painting to quick dry it. As he would do so
you’d hear the crowd gasp. At which point he put the painting to the side saying five
bucks. “Human statues” would be somewhere in the line. These are people who spray
silver on themselves, or white and stand on a pedestal frozen, moving only when
someone throws money in their tray out front. Some places see Jugglers and flame
swallowers. Musicians playing guitars and singing with their cups out front for money.

3
There is a line from Bob Dylan’s song “Tangled up in blues”, “There was music in the
cafes at night and revolution in the air”. On the right night, that is what it would feel like.

It looks the same in Tempe, Arizona, or Austin, Texas, or anywhere money can be
made. It is called “Busking”. I am told that the word has a negative connotation in
Hungarian, supposedly its origin. To “perform” and hope tips come your way. It creates a
carnival atmosphere, but not everywhere welcomes it. It is constitutionally protected, but
that won’t help you much in Mobile, Alabama without a lawyer. For myself; I picked
college towns that were liberal and had a musician playing on the sidewalk. However; I
have sat outside biker bars and made money.

Watching the people, you see the same personalities in the same clothes in different
bodies. Everywhere I went I saw at some point a woman with a jean skirt, red halter top,
jean jacket, frizzy red hair and walking with an attitude. At every place was a beautiful
homeless guy, 19 years-old, runaway, bi-polar, charismatic enough to charm the gold out
of your teeth, living on the edge, trying to get a normal life, but periodically getting
money from sex acts. Gay for pay they call it. It is a sin for a child to be beautiful and
homeless in America because there is no shortage of people trying to use them. The girl
with the emotional turmoil in Ocean Beach has a story that is almost identical to the Girl
in Charlottesville and I find myself consoling with the same rational.

I would have my “mystical” face on which is actually my “teacher face.” There is a line
from Paul Lawrence Dunbar “We wear the mask that grins and lies, that hides our face
and shades our eyes.” The poem is actually about how a black man had to act not to get
lynched, but we all wear the mask. It is the face of confidence and calmness I used to put
on in a class, or now.

Gays are my best customers. They stick together. If you do a good job then they tell all
their friends who come to see you and then tip well. Quite often I am reading for some
lesbians and describe a man. To which they hesitate and say, “I know someone just like
that, but it is not a man. I did a reading for two guys in Savannah where every layout
mentioned a woman who was sexy, sensuous, earthy and a little bit materialistic; for both
guys. They smiled to themselves whenever I mentioned her. When I was near the end for
the second guy I finally say “Look; you can hit me if you want to…Are you gay?” The
man says “of course I am!” To which I reply “ Oh good! You’re the woman who is sexy,
sensuous, earthy and a bit materialistic.” He beams with a broad smile and says, “Yes I
am!” He might be a “bottom”. In theory we are all 16 court cards; sometimes we behave
like a woman, sometimes like a child.

Cajuns believe too much! Some Hispanics believe religiously. They come with the
whole family and have the eight year old translate. They say thank you and God Bless
you when they pay. Some black women stare at the cards in fascination, but say “oh no; I
go with Jesus”, but then sneak back at night to have me do the cards. I have had certain
Hispanic women who hear me say something bad with the cards and ask if I can make
them a spell to protect them. I tell them that no; I am not Brujo, I am not Shaman. (Few
Shamans who say they’re shaman are.)

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 Sitting by the cards, I instigate when bored. A man walks past with his baby. I say, “The
baby makes you taller!” He laughs and I add, “Hell man, it even makes you better
looking.” To which his wife agrees smiling. I say to a passing child “you’re beautiful!”
The father says thank you. I say, “no, not you. Your daughter! “To which he laughs. I’m
lucky I don’t get punched. I say to a man walking with a woman “You got very good taste
in picking women!” I quickly say to the woman “I would tell you the same thing, but I
don’t look at guys that way!” I seem to get good responses. I have a habit of saying
Happy Monday, or Tuesday, or so on to someone passing by. To which I sometimes hear
“no thank you” I would say that that was not what I said and repeat it. They said their
mind was somewhere else.

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 “There can be no story without a fall…
All stories are ultimately about the fall” J.R.R.Tolkien

Around the millennium I had this uncertainty. I was questioning my role, my purpose,
“fitting in”, up to and including reality itself. I found myself asking myself repeatedly, “Is
it a mask, or a veil; am I one of the ten; Jonah in the whale, or some fool not content to
accept his lot.

Around the same time a feeling came to me that I read in my mind as a “hunger”. I had
always taught inner city and would feel the same kind of feeling in my “gut” the morning
before a fight occurred. The closest I came to understanding it was “mad as hell and not
going to take it anymore”. I KNEW it meant a world problem.

In May of 2003, I walked out of my apartment on Eastern blvd. at 10:30 on my way to

the night job. As I stepped out, I saw the whole back yard was FILLED with crows;
Tippy Hendren and movie “THE BIRDS” filled. I nervously stepped out; the crows didn’t
attack, they made a space for me to my car. I walked quickly to my car, closed the door
and revved the engine thinking they would fly away. They didn’t; they just nonchalantly
walked off the driveway onto the lawn and I went to work. Two days later, I was arrested
while picking my kids up. Every time after that crows would always caw in the morning
whenever something bad would happen that day; to the point I wanted to get a gun and
shoot crows.

From 2002 on, in frustration, hopelessness and despair; I found myself saying and
writing in my journal: “I go with God’s Wind!”

“No, for they went through their doors. They found the
worlds they had always unconsciously sought. It is as I have
told you. One takes his seat upon the siege and before him
opens that existence in which his spirit, his mind – his soul if
you which to call it that, is at home. And he goes forth to seek
his fortune there.”
Andre Norton Witch World.

6
 Virginia

Charlottesville has been called by foreign visitors an international city. It has a pedestrian
mall on Main Street. They took the road out in the sixties and now there are tables in
center for the restaurants. You will find the mall occupied with people walking, or sitting
at one of the tables socializing. It is the home of the University Of Virginia (UVA),
started by Thomas Jefferson. People around the world come because of the university.
French people say it reminds them of a place in France; Poles swear it is just like a spot
in Poland and so is with many groups. This is why you see so much ethnic diversity.
Venders are around the mall at their tables selling jewelry, or fabric. The Tibetan vendors
are the most interesting. Most had to escape Chinese occupied Tibet, climb over the
Himalayan Mountains into India, learn the language, get a job and save for America.
Dave Matthews got his start here. People remember him playing his guitar on the street.
People see John Gresham, or Sissy Spacec walk the mall. The records of Uva include
many a name including Edgar Allen Poe.

While venders at tables have a permit, there are also Guerilla venders; people who work
without a permit. You see guitar players with their case open to drop in tips, a group of
street kids beating on five gallon plastic cans in an attempt to form a drum circle, or high
school kids playing classical music all hoping to make money. I would sit on the ground
with a fabric out next to jimmy doing Macramé. Jimmy had hemp jewelry attached to his
bag. If Jimmy laid it out on the ground, he would be told that he needed a permit, so he
kept it on the bag discussing price most carefully. He was making a belt. A girl walks past
and says, “Oh… can you make me one?” Jimmy answers, “If you pay me!” She walked
on in a huff.

There be squatters and rainbows periodically passing through. Rainbows are always
going to rainbow gatherings. It has been called the X-generation’s answer for the
“deadheads” Most seem to be perennially smiling because they are forever stoned.
Squatters are near-fits and misfits turning away from the normal life to travel the rails, or
roads. Many fit Jack Loundon’s line from The Tramp:”a discouraged worker, or
discouraged criminal, or both”. You see them “spanging”; asking people for spare change.
Some of them are bi-polar. You can pick them out at three o’clock in the morning walking
back and forth. They couldn’t spange enough get drunk to sleep because they were stuck
in a manic phase.

That’s the interesting part; bi-polar used to be called manic-depressive, before that it was
called melancholy. Aristotle had melancholy, as did Martin Luther, Washington and
Lincoln. Experts say Churchill probably had bi-polar. When these people were down, oh
God were they depressing, but in they were up, man did they shine! It is strange that a
crack head will waste his money to have fifteen minutes of the same feeling a bi-polar
will have naturally in the manic phase. I have a friend who said he sailed through college
in his manic phase. Could Churchill have been good in WWII if he didn’t go through it in
a manic phase. Is the problem of bi-polar bipolar, or is it bi-polar without direction? Did

7
Churchill have a cause that gave him direction? More to the point; if we could give a
direction to a bi-polar squatter, would he be outstanding?

Wednesday to Sunday are a vender’s week. It is quite simple really. Monday is when
most go back to work. The only business is from people not wanting to give up the
weekend. Tuesday is the deadest. Most have resigned themselves to staying home.
Wednesday people can’t stay in any longer, Thursday is more, Friday everybody comes
out, Saturday is letting loose, Sunday is families and people desperately grasping freedom
and Monday is resigned.

When I started doing cards, I decided to go by “teacher rules”. The same rules to be
followed in a classroom. Don’t drink and do cards! Don’t “talk tales outside of school”. I
would see a lot of the homeless panhandle. . I wouldn’t. People would try to throw me a
dollar and I would say, “have you never heard of Kipling’s If… If you can walk with
crowds and keep your virtue?” A classic line from George Wills talking about Jessie
Helms saying “at least he stands for something” In an age where spines bend with the
politically correct, is there anything wrong with standing for something?

Young people sat for the mystique of the cards, the experience of it all. Occasionally I
would get people warning that they were “13th degree wiccans” and they knew the cards.
Talking with them over cards, they showed they didn’t and probably were simply creating
a facade. Periodically I would get people who knew the cards and were checking me out.

Older ladies would come just to talk and thinking I was fascinating offer to bring me
home with them. I said no.

Emotions are contagious. I would say, “Happy Monday” and people would laugh and
walk away in a better mood and because of it give a better mood to others and so on.
Likewise; when someone put forth a negative attitude it spreads an attitude to others

I would get no shortage of strange readings. A woman came and the cards said nothing
about relationships. Nevertheless; at the end of the reading, the woman said, “Well, I
guess that settles it. I’m getting a divorce!” I’m going, “Wait, wait, wait; where does this
have to do with divorce?” Another time a man comes dragging a woman by the wrist and
sits her down by the cards. He says to me, “Okay; you read her cards! I want to know if
she’s cheating on me!” I’m saying surprised, “ Are you honestly going to let pieces of
cardboard tell you whether she’s is cheating, or not?” I read her cards and say privately to
her, “Do you need protection? Do you want me to get the police?” She says no
nonchalantly and adds, “He won’t do anything!”

Born-agains and religious folks would stop, shocked to see the cards and say I was
doing devils work. They were more shocked to find I was Christen. They would say the
bible says you can’t do tarot cards; that it is divination! I would say divination means to
tell the future and ask if they believed cards can tell the future. They’d say, “No!” to
which I’d respond, “Then it isn’t divination!” Despite that they assured me that I was
going to hell. Because of that I decided that I wouldn’t read for anyone under fifteen. I

8
figured over fifteen they were old enough to decide for themselves; under fifteen the
parents could decide. Indeed; I had children hearing this go get their parents and the
parents would say yes to have them get a reading.

I was staying at the Salvation Army, but we all had to be in by nine o’clock. Jimmy told
me that it was a different world and more business after nine. It was at that point that I
left Salvation Army and slept in my car.

After nine you get the partygoers. They would go between the bars of Miller’s to Blue
Light to Raptures. There was one night when three men walked past and one stopped for
a reading. His cards said he went through some problems in the past and facing some
problems. Cards are funny. Quite often you see the “bartender syndrome”: people will tell
their deepest secrets to a bartender that they wouldn’t tell their closest friend. He started
unloading his past saying he was accused of molesting a child and facing charges. He
starts crying as he talks about it. I am giving a “stiff upper lip” talk, quoting St. Augustine
and trying to be positive. It apparently was a cathartic for him; he thanks me profusely
and tells his friends to give me a twenty. They look hesitant and I say don’t worry about
it. Obviously he was in despair and his friends brought him out to cheer him up.

I roll my own cigarettes. I’m one of these people who can light one off the other
without even noticing. I started rolling my cigarettes back when I was a teacher. If I
wanted a cigarette I would have to look like a jerk and pull out the tobacco. Now that I
am homeless, it is cheaper as well. One night a homeless man walked up and said,
“Gimme a cigarette!!” I said, “I beg your pardon?” and stared at him. He got awkward
and said, “Ah… Can I have a cigarette, please?” I said, “Of course!” and gave him one. It
is a sad statement that some people feel so low that they bark orders. They walk up and
make a demand and, if the other yields and does as they want, then they feel bigger. It’s
all bluff though. I looked at him the same way I looked at a 7th grader being tough. He
quickly folded and became polite.

I would be doing cards and have gorgeous ladies sitting enchanted. Taking a break to go
to the bathroom I would pass some homeless guys who would make comments in jest,
making fun. These were people I knew and thought I had good relations. I am not sure,
but I think it was their ego. They knew I was homeless and would see me having pretty
ladies give me twenties. Their egos would say “Hey! You ain’t all that. Your homeless,
get back down with us where you belong!” Either way you never play someone else’s
game. If you must play a game, make them play yours. That’s teacher logic! If a kid starts
screaming, never scream, talk calm. Why play in to his game? I worked as a night clerk at
a motel and drunken guys, angry at their night would come in with an angry attitude and I
would kill them with kindness:” Oh I’m sorry sir, perhaps things will be better”. After 20
seconds of that, some would brake in to tears and apologize saying they had a bad night.

I would do tithing. I am a firm believer that for everything on this earth there is a
payment, every gift, every smile. Somewhere down the road carries a payment. I started
giving a couple of dollars if I had a good day. Over time I decided on ten percent. It just

9
seemed right. It is called tithing; I would pass out ten percent of whatever I made the day
before. As I would say to people: You can pay up front, or wait for it to bite you in the
ass!

Many people would refer to Charlottesville as a vortex. On the Internet, it says a vortex is
a place where the magnetic field, or gravity is more, or less than elsewhere. Some would
talk about it as a place that always drew them back; others say it is special in someway;
protecting, or enhancing.

One day in August, I’m laying out the cards. I was apprehensive, worrying about what to
do with my life. I looked up and noticed a man standing twenty feet from me staring at
me. His hands were on his hips and when he saw me look at him he pointed his finger at
me and said with confidence “I think you should travel!” I looked at him and said
somewhat sarcastically,” And I suppose you’re a magician?” Without even missing a beat
he said, “Not only am I a magician, but I can cloud men’s minds”. He was a former social
worker who had done some work for the government on subliminal hypnosis. (Hence
clouding men’s minds). He was telling me ways to travel for free. He said that all cargo
planes, by law, must have one passenger aboard. All I have to do is call up a transport
company and say that I would be available to go to this destination. He listed several
others encouraging me to travel.

I stayed until September and left driving my car down the Blue Ridge Parkway to
Ashville, North Carolina.

North Carolina

Ashville is up in the mountains of North Carolina. It is usually ten degrees cooler from
Charlottesville. Some people talk about Ashville as if it sacred. They say that the Indian
tribes of the area would bring sterile women up to the mountain to help them conceive.
The city itself is the size of a small city. It is a liberal college town just like
Charlottesville. The main park during the day is filled with homeless people among them
a man who wore robes like a priest who gave free tarot card readings. He read mine and
said I was the magician, but would become the sage. Once a week they would have a
large drum circle at this park. If you want to go to the malls you drive though a mile long
tunnel that goes through the mountain.

I am standing on Wall Street thinking “park, I can do business in a park”. As I say Park
aloud to myself a woman comes up crossing the street. I ask her if she knows of a park.
She says which one? I say whichever one is better for doing Tarot Cards. At this point she
grasps my arm and says, “You have to give me a reading”. We go up to her office and do
the tarot and talk for two hours on a matter of a relationship. She was discontent in her
life, but knew not what to do. At the end she gave me forty dollars.

10
The Salvation Army gave me permission to park my car in their lot. I just didn’t tell them
I was sleeping in it. Next to the Salvation Army was AHOPE. They gave showers and
breakfast in the morning. It was where I showered whereupon I would walk to Wall
Street and sit by the Iron building. It wasn’t made of iron; it was thick on one side and
thin on the other so it looked like a flat iron from above. Next to it was a sculpture of a
flat iron about eight feet tall. I had my cards on a fabric next to it. There were pennies on
top of the cards to hold them down. I have one penny days, two-penny days, right up to
five-penny days depending on how bad the wind is. Any more than five I “brake set” and
leave. The pennies were something I started in Charlottesville. I would soon meet a
reader from New Orleans who used crystals and say, “Oh, it enhances the power.” No it
doesn’t; it keeps the wind from blowing the cards.

The reader’s name was Turtle. He sat down next to me and put a quarter on the back of
my hand and said “Tradition! I must pass silver to you before I start.” Then He got up and
laid out his cards elsewhere. Turtle was camping three miles out. There was a crystal
vender who showed up and set up next to me. He was an admitted heroin addict. He said
he came from Ashville and traveled, but said he always had to recharge his batteries in
Ashville. I bought tiny hand carved pieces of jade from him to send to my kids.

One night a couple went by and I said, “You look nice together!” Two nights later I was
waiting to eat at the mission when a man behind me said that he was walking with the
woman when I said that and how it made her day so much. He was from South Carolina
and in Ashville only to see the woman. He was big; built like a house. Because of my
comment I could do no wrong. Turtle and I were following a group down the street
because I thought the woman was being harassed. He came upon us and when we told
him what we were doing he started walking with us; a stand up guy! As it turned out the
woman wasn’t being harassed.

I tried laying out cards at the college nearby. The crows started crowing. Sure enough;
within an hour campus security stopped me, checked my ID and followed me to my car
and checked my license number. They said my registration was canceled. I pointed to the
sticker that said still good until April. After some discussion, they decided it was a
computer glitch, let me go and tell me to get it straightened out. Turtle spent the day on
the hippie street thinking New Ager’s would be interested. He gave a lot of readings, but
nobody gave any money.

A cop politely suggested to turtle and I not to sit on Wall Street by the Iron building. He
said the owner didn’t like it. I politely mentioned the constitution to which the cop
agreed, but said, “Oh..Can you pick up your cigarette butt off the ground there?” The way
he said it made it clear! If a cop wants to get you, he can get you! It is the rights of the
individual verses the needs of the group. My right to do tarot cards exists only as long as
the police are allowed to tolerate it. It is a variation of the golden rule: He who has the
gold, makes the rules.

11
After a week, or two the owner of the iron building came out and asked us to move; at
which point I said “okay” and left. Turtle stayed and seven days later he was served with
legal papers and left in fear.

Georgia

I left Ashville and headed to Atlanta, Georgia. Jimmy in Charlottesville had said Little
Five Points was a good spot to do cards. It wasn’t. Places that looked promising were
private property and I would be chased off. The public places were filled with homeless
who had no money. So I left Atlanta and went to Athens. Athens had the town on one side
and the University on the other. I usually set up next to the Starbucks in their concrete
park. I was only there for a week; it was getting too cold.

It was in Athens that I learned that you don’t ask a homeless man where he lays his head,
or how he makes his coin. A homeless man at the food pantry told me which was good! I
would see homeless who would eye me up and down and reach for their knives if they
even thought I was walking near their “squat”

I left Athens heading to Savannah, Georgia. Savannah had to be the prettiest city I have
ever seen. You see Spanish moss hanging from the trees as you enter the city. The moss
contains protozoa that if you handle it gets into your skin. There are 25 little parks, called
Squares. Indeed; there was a homeless couple who told me they were the Orleans Square
homeless. Each Square was about 30 to 50 feet in diameter in rows of five. You see Bay
Street then a street with five parks every other street. Then the business street, then a
street with five little parks, then another street and so on. A Street after the little parks you
see a big park with beautiful fountains. River Street has buildings that look like a
Victorian Maritime street. There is a concrete urban park that faces the river. It is where
all the venders plied their wares.

I met Shadow and Brenda. They were homeless and slept on a mattress in the woods,
high enough to be away from the alligators. Shadow was a former Hells Angel that left.
Brenda had been in the corporate world. Both had drinking problems. Shadow and
Brenda collected palm tree leafs and made palm roses and offered them for donations.
Others would make grasshoppers, or fish. Oji would sell baskets made of sweet grass. It
is a tradition that started in Africa and carried over to the southern coasts. There were
caricature artist and portrait artists. A juggler named Patrick would ride his eight-foot
unicycle juggling while talking through a wireless microphone to his audience. A jewelry
maker had his wares made out of spoons.

I read for a girl who is quite happy with it and pays me and runs away and comes back
with her mother. The mother sits down and said “I willed you to me”. Her cards are
talking about issues. She is thinking about a divorce, I do the reading and we spent two
hours discussing relationships.

12
I would sleep in my car at Wal-Marts. I was told later that Sam Walton, the founder of
Wal-Marts, had been a traveling vender. Because of that, He said that someone could
spend the night in their car at Wal-Marts. I was told that he even had it in his will. One
morning I got lost returning to the city and went by a Laundromat and decided to do
laundry. I’m outside the Laundromat and I set my journal down to light a cigarette and
the wind blows a page over so it shows a picture of a tarot card. A man standing to my
left says oh, you do tarot cards! We talk and then I ask him if he wants a reading. He gets
more excited than normal with his arms up and fists clenched saying, “Yes, yes, yes”. We
go into his office (He owned the company next store) and we talk for two hours on a
matter of a relationship.

After ten days, the city Marshal, (code enforcer) told me I wasn’t allowed to do cards and
was booted. I left and headed south.

Florida
I stopped in Jacksonville, Florida outside a rock concert. I had the cards set up doing
readings and two cops came over skeptical. The one cop asked if I really knew them and
told me to read him. I had him shuffle the cards and laid the cards in three piles. I said,
“In the past it says that you had problems in a relationship and dealt with justice.” The
other cop said to him, “That’s your divorce!” “In the present, “I said, “your doing
something to excess; either drugs, or alcohol.” He stopped me and said I didn’t need to go
further and left me alone.

Further down I parked my car at a small business section by a sign that said Atlantic
Beach. It was ten o’clock and everything was closed. There was a black homeless couple
sitting on a bench. Talking to them the guy said in conversation that he was addicted to
crack. He said that he was a licensed welder. I said that I was surprised because welders
pull in twenty to thirty dollars an hour. He said he made twenty-eight dollars, but he
wouldn’t work because every time he got his paycheck he would run into some homey
and spent it all on crack. He said he would rather be homeless and free than working and
hooked.

The next afternoon I was at the same location with the cards out. A thirty-something
man was saying the cards were nonsense and challenged me to a reading. As I’m reading
the past, I’m saying he had some catastrophe and the present was uncertain. He was
saying how it was foolish, but he appeared like he was getting nervous. He seemed
uncomfortable, but he gave me five bucks. Then four squatters came; two guys and two
girls. There was an oriental girl who was quiet and this loud girl who was wearing shorts
and two bandannas to cover her top. She was offering to sell her bandannas. I read for
one of the guys. Because of what the cards were saying, the guy and the oriental girl
started talking about a previous night; the girl saying how the four of them got drunk and
went too far. The guy had no money, but gave me some drawing paper. I used it to draw
portraits of my kids and sent it to them.

13
Driving through Orlando I pass thirteen to twenty miles if strip malls and I can see no
line between them. I was thinking God will it end? Orlando is in two halves. Disneyland
which is a city unto itself with its own markings and lights and Orlando which seems to
be existing for Disneyland. However; I saw Epcot center which was worth it. The next
morning I asked a girl if all of Florida was like this and she said pretty much. So I got in
my car and headed to New Orleans seeing no place to do cards in Florida.

Louisiana

New Orleans is surrounded by water. You reach it by going over long, high bridges.
People always think of the French Quarter, but is only a small part. There is a whole city
around it. I would park my car at the Winn-Dixie near Canal Street and walk down to the
French Quarter.

In my ignorance I had assumed that anybody laying out tarot cards knew them. I quickly
discovered that few readers actually did. I saw hapless fools getting into town saying,
“Hey, anybody got a tarot deck? I got to get up some money.” There were people who
had guessed right once in their life whereupon they hung out their shingle saying psychic.
When pressed on where they get their information they say they look at the color and say
what mood it gave them. New Orleans was little different. There were some very good
readers. Two who could “feel” them. Most were hapless fools who got a deck and never
learned. There was a man who told me he had been reading in New Orleans since he was
six. Hearing him talk to customers he was mostly image, style, con man and almost no
substance.

I laid my cards on a fabric on the ground in Jackson Square. All the other readers sat at
tables with three chairs. They sat in one and costumers sat in the other two. There was a
homeless man reading cards and his table was a cardboard box. Much of the business I
got were people who felt I had less pretense sitting on the ground.

My second day in Jackson Square I met Carl. He stood above me and said; “I thought I
knew most of the readers here” We talked about the “business”, what layouts and such.
In an earlier life he had been a professor of psychology at Berkley. He said he had done
profiling work for the government he couldn't talk about. He took me under his wing and
gave advice. He recommended I get chairs from Walgreens. Jackson Square was wall-to-
wall readers, thirty, or forty of them. Some of them had cards, some with bones, many
with signs saying psychic and offering different services. Carl had been doing Tarot cards
for 35 years in New Orleans. He usually sat on Bourbon Street. Because of his kindness,
he arraigned for me to sit there as well.

One cold night on Bourbon Street there was a girl shivering against the wall. She
looked about twenty and I gave her five dollars and said "angel, get something warm in
you." The next night she was hanging around me saying she knew the cards. I was bored

14
so I shuffled the cards and said "Here then,. practice". She laid them out and started
telling me my life in detail. Cards don't do detail! She was giving me names, dates and I
am asking what card she is getting all this from. She said she wasn't reading them; she
was feeling them. I had been through a bad divorce. I didn't want my kids growing up
with the bitterness I saw in my ex-wife's family. She said I didn't have to worry about my
kids having my ex-wife's attitude, or mine. They have their own! She was right! My
kids think we are both crazy and I agree!

I ran into Turtle from Ashville. He asked me if I had anything to eat. He said he was
caught sleeping outside by the cops and they told him the next time he would be arrested.
Nobody wants to spend time in the “Parrish Jail.” Everything he made went into a room. I
gave him a can of Spaghettios. There was a homeless couple I met in Savannah, him
eighteen and her twenty-two. They were in New Orleans now. She left him and moved
into an apartment owned by a kid who would hit her. The eighteen year old was trying to
get her back. She said to me how she still loved him, but she had been homeless since she
was thirteen and she could not do another winter outside. I myself was sleeping in my car
parked at Winn-Dixie. One night at twelve I heard teenagers from Mississippi loudly park
by me. They came to party. At Three o'clock I wake up to one of the kids loudly sitting in
the car. He said his friends all got arrested and he was deciding what to do. He decided to
drive his friend's car back home. I am trying to explain that he doesn't want to be a black
kid driving somebody else's car in the south late at night. He nervously didn't listen and
left.

There were psychics telling me that there was a "primal energy" attaching itself to me.
Because I meet so many strange people claiming they’re something they are not I don't
worry about it. At the same time, when I would do my own cards, the card that would
repeatedly come up for me was the Queen of cups reversed, a sad woman. Since then I
have read for certain other people who have always been identified by a court card of the
opposite gender. They always seem to have a similar past. They have had some terrible
experience, almost like Jonah in the whale, until they made one decision, the last choice
they ever wanted to make. But as soon as they make it, their life goes off in a new
direction and it seems protected. They are “the Bride.” They are protected by a higher
spirit. Perhaps it is like the Hindu concept of higher self, which is always the opposite
gender.

Some kids from the college came to Jackson Square and put on a performance. They
were all dressed like clowns with stripped pants and a clown’s shirt. There was a guy on
stilts and long pants walking around; another guy with pants on his top and shirt on his
bottom, walking on his hands. There was a girl playing the accordion; a guy playing a
guitar. Another girl was holding a saw braced against her leg, bending it and rubbing a
violin bow along the edge. It produced a strange eerie sound. Their music was Halloween
like.

Carl sent two people to me telling me they were psychic. They gave me thirty-five
dollars and I asked the woman to "read" me. She said, "Pay me five bucks!" I gave it to
her and she said your heart is cold, you love no one.

15
 One day I strike up a conversation with a white, fiftieth, conservative businessman. He
is on his second marriage, extremely disenchanted with his marriage, his kids, his work
and his life. He seemed burned out, fed up, not knowing what to do though he didn't ask
for a reading. In the evening he came over with this pretty black woman in her thirties.
He was jovial, upbeat, charming and gregarious. He brought the woman over to get a
reading from me. Both he and the woman are telling me how they really hit it off so well,
but they have nothing in common. She was a black, self-admitted ultra-liberal; he was a
white, self-admitted ultra-conservative. They were enticed by each other's company. They
were like young kids sharing a secret during a reading. After paying me they almost
danced off saying they were going to dinner.

One day around three my "gut" felt something! I'm looking all around, but it bothered
me enough that I broke set and walked around searching for danger. I talk with friends
who say I am being paranoid. Carl is saying that the readers like me, New Orleans likes
me; there is no danger. Nevertheless; it bothered me enough that I got in my car and left.

Westward
I headed west, through Lafayette, through Texas; Jimmy was from Texas; when people
would talk bad of Texas, he would say, "Well, you've never been to Austin". Austin was
raining so I headed west towards El Paso. Going up the western side of Texas, my radio
died. I tried calling my sisters and nothing worked. Pulling into a rest stop, I asked if
there was a nuclear attack. They said no. There was just no reception. I saw little
possibility of doing cards in El Paso. I went through some of the most beautiful scenery
in New Mexico; boulders perched on cliffs looking like they could fall. I spent most of
the time going “Oh my God! I’m not going to make it!” Tucson had painted on every
street that there was no sitting on the ground so I continued towards California.

A friend called from Charlottesville and suggested that I should see Sedona while I was
there. A guy in Sedona said there were four canyons, all with spirits. He recommended
one that he said had the most. I parked at the site and got out. There was a woman who
had told me of where to park and we started talking. She said she came to Sedona a lot to
clear her head and the issues she had in her marriage, which caused me to talk about my
previous marriage. At this she said, "Wait, what sign are you?" I said “Aquarius.” She
said, “Oh that explains it!” To which I responded, “And you?" She said Taurus (my ex-
wife's sign). It was almost like God wanted me to hear my ex-wife’s side of things from
this woman and her to hear her husband's side of things from me. Because we weren't
together we could discuss similar issues without the venom that we felt when talking to
our partners. We hugged after our conversation, but separated to walk through the canyon
alone. I walked almost to the end seeing no ghosts. Then I heard a crow caw loudly in
front of me and I freaked. I immediately turned around and walked back to my car and
drove to Los Angeles.
California

16
 I reached Los Angelus with $40 dollars on me going "oh my God, Oh my God". People
along the way had suggested Hollywood Boulevard, or Santa Monica. As I drive into
L.A. I see the smog dome and think oh God; I’m going into hell. I was driving lost in
L.A. having no idea where anything was. By Grace of God, I found myself at Venice
Beach. I parked my car and laid cards out on the beach. The sky wasn’t blue, it was urine
green. There were trinket and other vendors thirty feet away. Around two o'clock a man
was looking at my cards and saying that he had the same deck. His name was Adrian and
he was a medical doctor. He said he was writing books on holistic medicine. Because of
our conversation I was unloading my soul to him, telling him among other things about
the crows. He said that in many cultures, crows are messengers of knowledge. When I
told him I heard a crow at Sedona and left, he said I should have walked towards it. We
talked for two hours. I was told by one of the venders of a safe place to sleep in my car,
but a feeling urged me to leave.

In any city in the world, if you have a compass in your car, you can get south! Not in
L.A. I did not like the freeway and was using city streets. Trying to go south I would
continually hit buildings, roadblocks, dead ends, etc. People would say "if you want to go
south then you have to go north". They're right; you have to go up route 110 and down
Pacific Highway. I am on the freeway going slow and a cop pulls me over and walks to
the window as I roll it down. He asked what the problem was and I say exasperated "I'm
just trying to get out of L.A." he laughed and told me just drive slow on the right side. I
finally got to Oceanside and slept outside a bar. I was in Oceanside, looking for a map
center. They have them all over California. I cannot find it and start walking back to my
car at which point a crow lands and caws. Based on what Adrian said I figured why not. I
looked at the crow and said which way? The crow flew in a direction; I walked in that
direction and found the map center. Reaching San Diego, I am driving in the city heading
west towards the coast. I found Ocean Beach and decided to do cards on Newport
Avenue. I would set up on the sidewalk of any business that didn't kick me off. At first
near Starbucks, the police would periodically tell me to leave. I tried La Jolla in a coffee
house called The Living Room. I read for this twenty year old. After which he gave me
two dollars saying "I'd like to give you more, but I know that you'd only use it for drugs,
or alcohol." I try to picture an employer trying the same gambit. I go to Tijuana, but find
myself asking what the hell is a tarot card reader doing in Mexico and not knowing
Spanish. So the next day I go back to Imperial Beach, but find it is too affected by
Mexico's pollution. I try cards in the city itself with little success so I return to Newport
Avenue. This time I'm left alone. A homeless man shrugged and said if you don't go away
they just give up hassling you.

I lived in my car. I parked it on various side streets, moving it periodically. Every night
I would return to my car and sleep in the front seat under blankets.

I had the cards out on the beach sidewalk and a man struck up a conversation. He knew
the cards quite well and we talked for a half hour on them. He then surprised me saying
"let's do it!" I said why since he knew them so well. We had the best reading you could
imagine! We debated each card. One card said he was in excess. He said, "Look; I don't
drink, or do drugs. The only thing I do is go from my apartment to the beach and back

17
again." After some discussion we agreed that he was in excess, because that's all he did!
It is like the old Greek motto "all in moderation, including and especially moderation
itself.” He was in a rut!

At the time of my divorce; for some reason I became fascinated with the pentacle, the
golden ratio, Knights Templers and the Kabala. In Ocean Beach; I picked up a book
called The Chicken Kabala by Lon Milo Duquette. I had read various papers of the
kabala, but while understanding, they most left me with a feeling of "huh". This book was
somewhat tongue in cheek, but gave the major ideas so it could be understood. Enough so
that I felt it was something I already agreed with and considered myself Kabala though I
still believed in Jesus. It had a great line in it that I love:" Everything that comes to me is
a direct message from God to my soul." There were ideas I felt I needed to learn more
about. I picked up black and yellow waxed linen and macramé a necklace in what is
called a cobra stitch. I attached a "Star of David, a Crucifix, some other charms, and kept
it on my neck. I looked at it as a bulletin board. People would tell me something about the
pieces until I knew enough, and then I would take the piece off and pass it on.

One night I ended up giving a free reading to this 20-year-old girl. I am telling her of
some of the strange experiences I have had and she said it sounded just like the book The
Celestine Prophesy. So the next day I went to the library and skimmed through the book;
downloaded the 11 insights of the book from the net and went outside to lay out the
cards. I no sooner got them laid out when a girl wanted a reading. I read her cards and she
paid me with a crystal of Celestine (it's a mineral). That was strange to me so I wire-
Wrapped it and hung it, on my necklace and kept it,

Periodically; rainbows would show up from Charlottesville. A homeless man dropped

food on the ground and I joking say "5 second rule". He Laughs and says "5 second?
Hell, its 5 days man!" He isn't kidding.

Two black men came up; one a beefy guy in a three piece suit and the other casually in
an expensive loose pull-over and good slacks. The guy in the suit said he wanted a
reading, but didn’t want to pay for it. I said I would do a reading and he could pay, or not.
He harped on it saying he didn’t want to pay, smiling at his friend. I did his cards which
said he had problems with women, but he said that was all nonsense; that he was a very
happily married man which made his friend laugh. He friend was laughing in the
background at every one of my statements. After the reading the guy gave me five ones.
He said he was a surgeon and had traveled 192 countries. He and his friend started asking
me what I thought about the future of the world. I openly told them that I believed the
there would be a collapse. Strangely; I started trembling the more I was questioned about
my believes, though it wasn’t cold.

18
 George Bush is assertive. Osama Bin laden is passive aggressive. There was a conflict
between two homeless men; one who lived on the beach and the other in a car. The guy
with a car beat down the other and walked away. As he turned, the other guy jumps on his
back hitting him. The first guy beats him again until the guy says, "ok, ok". He stops and
turns away again and the beaten guy jumps him again and is beaten down again. At this
point the guy takes a machete out of his car and says "do we get the idea now?" The other
guy backs off, but then brings charges against him for brandishing a knife. The guy with
the machete spent the weekend in jail for it. When he got out he discovered his car was
trashed. There is a lessen in this! If you beat someone down, almost never do they say,”
Oh, they got me I give.” Rather they bide their time and look for ways to get back. One
complains about noise; the other breaks a window, another calls drug, or child protective
and lies. People trying to get back and "upping" the other. Until things get out of hand. .
This is why certain gangs, when they have a problem with someone, they just kill him. It
saves all the in between.

There was this squatter kid who came and hung with the other homeless getting drunk.
After a week of it, he stops hanging around them, gets a job and stays sober. He tells me
that after five days of that, he couldn’t take it anymore.

There was this guy who didn’t want a reading, but kept sitting down to talk with me.
This is common. He wasn’t lonely, or bored; he had a life, but he liked talking with me.
He would repeatedly say to me that I should get in with this tattoo business and be a
business inside. He was a good heart thinking he was doing a good deed. He couldn’t
understand why I would be willing to sit outside. Ralph Waldo Emerson’s classic line:
“You will always find those who think they know your duty better than you know it.”

There would be a food pantry on the beach. The food was brought by a Philippino
woman named Guadalupe. There would be bread left over which we were all told to
break into pieces and throw to the seagulls. There was a girl I wanted to be with so I was
impatient. I threw whole loafs out on the ground. This was a mistake because gulls can
get quite nasty fighting for food. I saw a gull bite the leg off another gull fighting for the
loaf, The gull with the missing leg was standing there seeming to stare at me. It made me
feel guilty as sin. It was a lessen from God!

A guy came for a reading. He was very impressed with what I had said and paid and
returned with a book he felt I should read called The Four Agreements by Michael Ruiz.
In it the author tells of warriors who got along by following four agreements: Be
impeccable with your word, don’t assume, don’t take it personal and do your best.

On Christmas day, there was a free dinner at the Catholic Church with turkey and
dressing and the works. As I come out of it I see a woman on the steps crying and some
man consoling her. This is a common sight on the holidays. Most of the homeless had a
prior life with children and mates before they got caught in their situation.

A traveler; some kid, came up from Mexico. He said the Mexican Police had taken
everything he owned except for a bag that had two symbols on it. He said it terrified them

19
for some reason and they told him to just leave. Upon hearing this I immediately put both
symbols on my bag. He said the one symbol meant Christ dies, but he didn't know about
the other symbol. It looked like a star, but the top, left and right triangles weren't
completed. It looked like a "starman". There was a half circle above it and a bird on the
bottom of the right side and a dead man on the left side.

One day a woman walked past and I said somewhat mindlessly "happy Tuesday.” She
responded "Yea. Right." I said in a pathetic Spanish "tango bonitoes Diaz" (have a
beautiful day) to which I hear a much more gracious "allemande" I was nonchalantly
laying out cards during this interchange, After her thank you in Spanish I notice two legs
in front of me. It's the same woman saying, "This stuff doesn't work!" I said "I don't
believe you can tell your future with tarot cards" Instead of questioning me she said she
didn't have much money. I responded that I wasn't worried about it that "God gives me
enough to survive, but not enough to see a prostitute" She sits down saying "Well; I'm an
ex-prostitute tying to quit." At this I am at a loss for Words and we do the cards. She is
telling me her mother wants her to continue. That she is supporting her mother. I said at
one point that I question a mother who has that view and she said agreeingly “Like yea!"
Talking over tarot cards, people have a tendency to unload their souls. It is sometimes a
catharsis, in this case so much so that at one point she enthusiastically came forth with
"I'm so glad I stopped here!" We discussed the past and the present and speculated on the
future shown. She gave me twenty dollars and she left. She had an issue that she wouldn't
discuss with anybody and the reading allowed her to get things off her chest.

One night I'm set up and middle aged man and a twenty-something woman comes by.
The man tries to give me a five and I say that I don't take charity. He smiles at the woman
and says that he wants a reading. The woman sits eight feet away on the ground as he sits
by me. The cards say that he had a difficult past and he tells me quite comfortably that he
was a street kid in Jersey. You could tell that this man was a master of his game, whoever
he dealt with, unflappable isn't the word. When we finished the girl moved quickly
towards us in a crab walk on her feet and hands looking at me as if she was waiting for a
reading. I read for her. She agreed with the past and present, talking feelings all the time.
Like the other girl she likewise said enthusiastically near the end "I'm so glad I stopped
here!" Instead of five, the guy gave me twenty. It became obvious that the girl had issues
and he brought her out to improve her mood.

Another time, a woman was getting a reading and talking about her divorce saying,
“Well, it’s not my fault that he has trouble with money!” She was unloading about his

20
complaints about her alimony payments. Another woman was unloading about how
family court is so mean to her “ex” making him work so hard (making him pay when
they are only doing it by her request).

I read for this woman in a Spanish restaurant. She said as I was doing the reading’s
present that she was married, but was on her way to a man’s room to sleep with him. She
was torn whether she should do it, or not. She did.

Once I was giving a reading to a girl outside a bar off Newport. Av. As I giving the long
lay-out she started crying. I was apologizing saying, “I didn’t mean to make you cry!”
She was saying, “No; it’s a good thing; it’s a good thing!” There were eight to ten people
watching. A man walked past seeing me talking to a girl and said to her "Your taking
advice from a homeless man?" The people in the crowd started insulting him in turn,
calling him asshole and the like. I was picturing a fight and the bad business that would
come of it. I figured nobodies worth an ulcer and the people who are doing their best to
give you one are least worthy of your concern. I was saying,” I am a homeless man, no
big deal" The whole crowd seemed to be protecting my honor. Nevertheless; they
continued verbally chastising him until he left the area. When I was done; the girl went in
her car, got something from her boyfriend; came back, handed me fifteen dollars and
said, “You’re good at this dude!”

On that same side-street that night I found myself talking to this man who worked at the
hypnosis center on that street. He was telling me about past-lives and how when they do
“regressions” how all the past-lives come out.

I'm still hearing crows. Harsh cawing is danger. Soft cawing is learning will occur.
Two-tone cawing means my car isn't locked, or I'm, parked illegal. In December of 2004
I woke up at two in the morning in my car. I reached for a cigarette and felt a tingling
over my whole left side. It was the feeling you get when the blood goes through your arm
after it was asleep. Scared the hell out of me and I called an ambulance and was taken to
the hospital. They checked me and said it probably was a mini-stroke. After that I could
feel vibrations go through my arms. Certain people said they could feel my emotions
when they held my hands. I have since learned that is called Kundaleni. It means coiled
serpent. Supposedly this energy lies dormant at the sacral regions until it rises up the
chakras and comes out the hands.

A jewelry maker who sold on Newport Av. told me before I left that he would be so
tense, but would see me and be calmer.

Arizona
On January eighth, I was talking with two squatters about Quartzite, Arizona. They
made it sound so good I figured Why not. I took the girl and guy to Quartzite. We shared
expenses. The guy knew of a camping spot with some rainbows. We found the spot and

21
as I opened the door I heard a massive sucking sound "You got tobacco? Yo, we're going
on a beer run....Don't matter if you don't drink beer. Got any money?" They were
"drainbows". Rainbow gatherings are made of a center where there are no drugs allowed.
Around it are the "A campers" who drink religiously. We were with the A campers, also
known as the drainbows. The massive sucking sound is the whine you get as they call out
their need for beer, drugs, tobacco, or whatever. Did they ever seem to have; not that I
could see? They just traveled to find a party. I left that group the next morning. And went
to Quartzite.

As I walked, scoping out a site, a woman walked up to me and said, “I need a reading.” I
looked at her confused and said, "How do you know that I do cards?” She said, "I know!"
I gave her a reading. I sat at a spot that was empty and the woman across the way started
telling me how calm I made her feel.

But I saw no business there so I drove to Tempe. Tempe is a part of Phoenix, Arizona.
There are many parts; Sun City where many old move; Scarsdale; Mesa where there is a
Navaho reservation. Tempe is a college town; by my definition a party town. When I first
got to Tempe I laid my fabric and cards on the ground on Mill Street. A cop appeared a
minute later, checked my ID, and told me I couldn’t sit on the ground, but I could sit on
the bricks around the trees. There was a two-foot high brick square fence around each
tree. So I sat and laid my cards out on the bricks.

Within a half an hour later a girl came and sat and laid out her macramé to my left. A
guy came and laid out steel renascence jewelry at the tree next to me. They both asked for
readings and paid with their crafts. From the way they responded it seemed like I had
been accepted. The guy warned me that it was only legal to work for contributions. He
knew! He spent the weekend in jail for charging eight dollars to an undercover cop. I had
already seen my share of undercover cops in all the past places. When asked, I would
always give the same answer:” You may give whatever you think I deserve”

The girl lived on a camping van with a guy named Waldo. It wasn’t his real name, but
he looked just like the guy from the “Where’s Waldo” books except his hair was long. He
played the guitar and sang near us. Her name was Dawn. They were both white
Rastafarians. They believed that a former African President was the second Christ.

As the day went on I saw other venders; more musicians, a spray can artist, two portrait
artist and the like. There was a well-dressed twenty-year-old guy with a five by eight card
that said “Church of Malt Liquor” and a colorful picture of a church. He would walk up
and down the street saying “Seeking contributions for the Church of Malt Liquor”. Guys
going into a bar would laugh and hand him a ten. There were three, or four panhandlers. I
would ask them not to do it around me. Panhandlers are bad for business. People avoid
going down the street to avoid them. One panhandler, looking at all the venders, said, “I
wsh I could do something talented, but I suck!” I said, “If you were a girl, that would be a
talent.”

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 Tempe allowed busking, that is, working by contribution, but they demanded a permit if
you wanted to charge a price. As a result, all the venders who produced a product had to
rely on the kindness of the buyers. They could get five, or fifty dollars for a piece. Sadly;
they could also get fifty cents. as I would sometimes see with the macramé, or spray-can
art.

A panhandler was lamenting to me one morning how he didn’t want to get up, but his
girlfriend made him. He said he didn’t feel like working this day. The work he was
referring to was panhandling.

It’s illegal to sleep in you car in Tempe. I didn’t get caught, but Waldo told me I’d be
safer in Mesa next door. He invited me onto the parking lot of an empty store with other
campers. There seemed to be fifteen, or twenty cars, or vans parked there with people
sleeping in them. More than one morning I would see a woman get out of a white station
wagon with her kids and bring them to the street. I assume it was getting them on a bus to
school. Then she would come back and drive away.

One morning I went to Wendys next store to the parking lot I was in and had coffee and
was doing my own cards. The man sitting next to me got up and said to the waitress that
he had to leave, or he would hit someone. When he came for his stuff I asked him if he
had a problem with my cards. It started a good conversation. I told him I believed that
there would be a world collapse which he agreed with. We were having a very nice talk
when he put his hand on my right forearm and asked, “Do you know who I am?” I
cautiously said no. He said, “The living son of the living God Jesus Christ and when I
come back there will be wraith!” I have since met Jesus in Miami and other places. I can
even understand it. The feeling of being low and suffering and alone until he was saying,
“I’m suffering, Jesus suffered; maybe I’m Jesus.”

There were travelers and squatters there as well. One or two of them had mental issues
that caused them to scream loudly to themselves. Most slept on the mountain on the far
side of Mill street. Once I am doing research at the University of Arizona; I see
professors discussing football scores. I go back onto the street and see five homeless
people sitting in a group discussing Plato’s Republic. One guy got his hands on the book
and passed it on to another squatter when he was done. Now they were discussing.

One day, a man and woman come for a reading. They say they are honored to meet me.
I ask why and they give no answer, but they are exceedingly gracious. I accidently spat
on him when reading the cards and I apologized, but he says it is an honor. They give me
their phone number and tell me to call to come for a cook out and pay me well for my
reading.

Another time I was sitting in front of a Bar on the bricks. A Thai man in black pants,
white shirt, black tie and carrying a white three ring binder walked by me. He stopped
and returned three times, then he walked up to me and said that I was nearing and ready
for graduation. I must have looked at him funny because he said “wait, wait, I am not
crazy!” and he opened the white binder. There was a plastic credit card strip with two

23
picture ID’s, both of him saying U.S. Marine. I was asking what is it he wanted me to do
and he told me to go to “wingmakers.com”, or “rael.com”. Both of them are iffy sites that
talk of extra-terrestrials.

More than once a Navaho stopped by me and said, “Good to see you again.” I
sarcastically said, “In this life, or another?” They said both. In talking they assured me
that we didn’t come from “here”, but “out there”.

A man came for a reading one night. The cards made sense to him, but they were vague
to him. I offered to let him try the I Ching, but I told him that I didn’t do it for a living
because I wouldn’t do anything I’m not good at. You do it with three pennies. You think
of a question while shaking the pennies in your hands and drop them. Heads is worth
two; tails is three. Add the numbers and you get a odd, or even number. If it is odd you
make a line; if it is even you make two short lines. Repeat this process five more times
and going from the bottom up you get a “hexagram” of yang, or yin lines. The hexagram
we came up with means internal decay.

The bottom part is penetrating and the top part is pleasure. Think of the person who is
searching, searching, but they can’t find what they want so they substitute booze, or food,
or drugs until they destroy themselves in their pleasures. Think of a culture, falling apart,
seeking the immediate gratification destroying itself. When I explained the hexagram;
that made perfect sense to him. He was a very successful man. His family had everything,
but nobody was satisfied. They were all seeking to satisfy their wants, but none of them
was finding what they needed.

I’m doing a reading for a woman, upset that things didn’t work out as she hoped. I say,
“We like to think we control things. In reality we control nothing. We are like the little
guppy with his nose to the streamliner pushing saying, “I got to keep this thing going.”
We don’t realize that if we stop pushing it will keep on going on its own. Not to say we
have no power though. Because for every time we flip our tail, we cause waves that can
change a current. If we get everybody to flip their tail we can cause a tsunami.

A homeless woman came past and asked how much a reading was. I said, “I don’t
charge the homeless, that’s tacky. I’m one myself.” I read her cards and as I read, she
would agree and start unloading her life. She had a very, very sad life! After she left I did
a reading, but the cards made no sense to the person so I told him not to pay anything
saying, “Why would you pay if it doesn’t work?” This problem continued to the next
person, and the next. It wasn’t until I pulled out my spare deck (you always carry a spare
deck) and used that, that things worked again. I’m not sure, but I think psychics have a
word “psychometry.” It means to read the energies left on objects. This woman somehow
left a very potent energy on the cards.

Once a week there is a drum circle off Mill Street in an urban park. I was sitting outside
it on Mill Street. Dawn came out looking like she felt down and we talked. I was going

24
into “teacher patter”. Teacher patter is what an inner city teacher does. You keep the
conversation up, even when you’re just rambling, because an idle mind is a dangerous
thing. I was talking; not even paying attention to my words. I was saying,” Throw anyone
into the great unknown and they will rise, or sink to their level!” Dawn was homeless,
living in a van with Waldo. I said, “Rich guys lose it all and are whining and curling up in
a ball at the shelter. Your living on you own making money on your macramé! You’re
living by your wits in a van! You rise quite well, my lady! “Dawn said I was very
uplifting. The next day Dawn and I were talking. Dawn was saying how nice Waldo is,
but she was so hurt from a previous relationship that she didn’t know if she could give
him her heart. I told her that if she was giving him so many other parts of her, why not
her heart?

After a month Dawn, Waldo and I decide to move on. Waldo tells me of some hot
springs in New Mexico. and gives me directions. I leave with two squatters heading first
to Tucson. In Tucson you cannot sit on the ground. It’s their way of handling the
homeless. I saw no way to do business so I dropped the squatters off and headed for the
hot springs on the way to Austin.

I got lost looking for the hot springs and wasted an afternoon and sixty miles of gas. I
finally got back to the interstate venting to myself. I pulled off at a rest stop to calm down
and my “gut” told me to lay out the cards. There were no cars, no sign of life; even the
lizards had taken the day off. I no sooner got the cards laid out when a woman in a Toyota
van pulled into the rest stop. She got out, saw the cards and said,”oh cool! Can you give
me a reading? I’ll pay you some tobacco.” She said she had been traveling for three days
straight from Vancouver. Her cards basically said she was running around like a chicken
with her head cut off and she needed to slow down and relax. This is what I told her. God
had meant for me to get lost so I would be there at the right time to talk to her.

Texas

I drove to El Paso. I didn’t think I had enough to make Austin and had the cards out by
a restaurant. A teenage couple came out. The boy threw a paper in my direction, walked
five feet, turned around and said,” What did you say?” I said I said nothing and he said oh
and walked away. That sums up El Paso to me, I don’t like the city. I made no money, but
talking to some people, she said I had enough to make Austin so I happily left El Paso
and headed out. I picked up a hitchhiker. It was “Sleepy”. He would play with Waldo in
Tempe. Together we made it to Austin.

I was in Austin for sixteen days. Most of the business was on 6th Avenue. There was a
woman who did chalk drawing on the sidewalk. She said a cop had arrested her for it and
she fought it in court. She brought in her psychiatrist who said it was therapy for her. The
judge decided that since it was her therapy he court ordered it. She joked that she was the
only vender that was court ordered. There was a reader from New Orleans. He had moved
there to be closer to his daughter. There were many artists performing; busking it is

25
called. One guy with a flute was lamenting to me how his spot was taken. He’s saying
how he had that spot for three years and the other guy knows it. (Nobody owns public
property!)

I had the cards out on 6th Avenue. A Japanese woman and a Hindu man walked past.
The woman appeared fascinated by the cards and tried to come back, but the man was
saying no and pulling her arm. She wrestled away from him, ran up in front of me and
said, “Do it!” I said, “Do what?” “Do it!” she repeated. I ask if she even knew what they
were. She said “No! Do it!” The man came back. Her English wasn’t very good, but
between him and I we managed a reading. I was telling them about some of the strange
readings I had with people dwelling on relationships and the man said “Of course! The
law of vibrations!” I said, “huh.” He said “similar vibrations attract each other.” I’m a
man who came out of a bad divorce with issues. Most of the readings I got were people
with relationship issues.

I just didn’t like the “feel” of Austin and left after three weeks. It took me ten hours to
drive from Austin to New Orleans. I was happy when I hit the Texas border. Mississippi
is beautiful. I did a reading at the Welcome Center.

I did not like Alabama! I have never seen so many sour-faced people as I have seen in
Alabama. I laid out the cards in Mobile. I had a reading with two girls. A cop came up
saying, “Well, What do we have here?” He told the girls to move on. Instead they stayed
and were arguing with him saying I had a right. It was a strange sight! Picturing the girls
getting arrested, I’m saying to the cop, “can you let me handle this?” and persuading the
girls to let it go. He was more than willing to stand quietly as I’m doing the dispersal.
Once the girls leave, he tries to insinuate problems, but I have been at this game too long.
I allow him to make his threats before he tells me to get out of town.

New Orleans I stayed only two days. I left during a doctor’s convention. Doctors and
lawyers don’t spend anything. They only “window shop”. I came back during a doctor’s
convention. Many of the readers were about to become homeless because there was no
business. With this scenario, I left.

Georgia

I happily got back to Savannah and had the cards out. After an hour, Officer Tupac told
me to leave. I was booted off. It was the Martin Luther Holiday so I had to wait two days
for city hall to open. I put on a black suit and went to see someone at the city council. I
was told no one was available. I tried to see the police chief and was told he was busy,
but I could see the lieutenant. He was busy, but I could see a sergeant in another ward.

I finally wrote a very polite letter to the police chief and the city council citing
constitutional law and sat on River Street with the cards out waiting to be arrested.
Instead of being arrested, city officials came out and told me I was allowed to do cards.

26
Officer Tupac would drive past me and leave me alone. I and other venders were talking
with a captain who came to talk with me about the subject. She was saying how they
would love to allow all venders as long as they didn’t compete with the businesses. What
that means is when I sit with cards for contribution, the “psychic”, who charges a lot, has
to pay for a permit and is questioning why she has to pay for a permit when I sit for free.
The jeweler who has a store on River St. complains about the guy who offers his wares
on the street. It all boils down to competition. A bar owner once said to me, “I prefer to
have the money coming in to my till, not yours!

One day I’m walking down Bay Street, going to River Street and a woman walks up to
me and said, “I need a reading.” I have nothing to show that I do cards and I ask her,
“How do you know that I do cards?” She says, “I know.”

All the venders were out! Oji had his Sweetwater baskets; his brother Bubba would do
his colored chalk portraits, Patrick had his juggling, all of them were still there. I had
been saying since San Diego that I was Kabala and Christen. Kabala says everything is
God. Many of the venders would say along that theme they and I were God. I would say
“I may be God, but I ain’t all that.” They would respond that “You are all that and to say
that you are anything less is to say that God is less.” Then I read a book Called Holy
blood, Holy Grail where they go into how the early church tampered with the Gospels
and in picking which ones to go into the New Testament. Being raised Catholic where the
Gospels were “Thee Word of Jesus” I found my faith threatened. So I took a sheet of
paper and starting from scratch I wrote what I believe.

First I believe in an intelligent design, only because certain things happened that make
me believe that there has to be something out there. Second I choose to call it God for
lack of a better word. The only place that claims to have God’s words say “ I am that I
am” But, God wasn’t saying his name; He was saying I am here, deal with it! Some say
Mother, some Allah, or Vishnu, or any number of names; God is good enough. The third
thing was God is Love, only because I wouldn’t want to live in a world where he wasn’t.
From there everything else becomes logical. I picture God as a loving parent, a loving
teacher. I can’t picture a loving God saying, “Because you did not do what I wanted you
will go to hell forever and forever, to burn and suffer forever and forever!” I can picture
God saying “Adolf; you kind of went over the top that time. What do you say we go back
and try it again?” I do believe in reincarnation. Early Christens believed in it. It was only
the institutional church that pushed the idea that you only had one shot and if you messed
it up you go to hell.

On St. Patrick’s Day, all the venders were banned from River Street. Instead; there were
stalls of every kind run by venders who had gotten a permit. There were stalls for food,
crafts, a “psychic”, anybody who thought they could “shine’ and make money. St.
Patrick’s Day is a major event for Savannah. A rich man was telling me that he had seen
St. Patrick’s Day all over the world, but nothing compares with Savannah’s.

Instead we all set up on Bay Street, by the entrance stairs to River Street. I got a reading
from this man who in talking seemed to be downing himself. He said he had just

27
discovered that he was Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) and how it explained all his
problems. I was telling him that Eddison and Einstein were ADD and he was in good
company. I further stated that anyone who accomplished something great would be
labeled ADD today. This shocked him. He told me he was an inventor with several
patents. He had always been at odds with his creativity and “fitting in.” He had allowed
himself to feel small because of other’s comments. He acted like he was rejuvenated and
had a new perspective. Indeed; he later brought three of his partners to me and insisted
that I read for them.

I could not feel people’s emotions, but there were people I met who could. Near as I
could figure; issues were chaotic vibrations; love, or calmness were smooth.

The Caricature artist was from Italy. He had sketched around the world. He came to
Savannah for three months a year and made enough to live in Argentina in comfort the
rest of year. Because the cost of living in Argentina was much lower, he managed to buy
a villa down there. He told me that he was a portrait painter, but he could come here and
get thirty dollars for twenty minutes of work, or do a caricature for fifteen dollars for five
minutes of work.

There was a vender who was a retired art professor from Vermont. His wife had died
and his kids were grown up. He had bought a bicycle and a trailer and was selling his art
pieces in Savannah. One morning he was sitting in the park as I came up. He saw the
drawing I had put on my bag in San Diego of the star figure and said, “Oh, The lost
Soul.” I very quickly asked him more about it and he thought about it and said, “It’s an
Aztec symbol. A man in transition.”

The art professor camped with this homeless man who found a tarot deck and, like me,
was sitting reading cards. He charged fifteen dollars, but he was making it up. I
questioned him on a couple of cards he read me and he said in a huffy tone, “Well, that’s
MY interpretation!” He read cards there for about a month until this woman came for a
reading. She apparently knew the cards and became so incensed at his interpretation that
she beat him up. I didn’t see him reading after that, but he would talk about how crazy
these women are.

It is a sunny day out. The weatherman called for rain. In the very least, I can claim
better accuracy than the weather service!

A girl worked on a cruise ship, but got fired and had to leave the ship. She was hanging
around Oji and me, not knowing what to do and worrying. Some travelers on a bus came
up and were talking to me. I told them about the girl and they offered to take her with
them. She was nervous so I’m asking them about safety. The head guy said, “We’re
gypsies! We don’t rape women; we just steal newborns.” She went with them. They were
musicians. I would see them out down the street with guitars, banjos, accordions and the
like
There were two other women who had come through Savannah at different times who
had traveled through Asia with no money. They both said that in Asia, if you can speak

28
English, you’re pretty much guaranteed a job. They had grabbed a job on a cruise ship
coming back.

One night I was sleeping in my car at a HMO. I was naked under the blankets to keep
my clothes clean. I was raided by the police. There were eight cop cars. They thought it
was hilarious that I was naked under the blankets. They told me I had no registration and
no proof of insurance. After they let me put clothes on I asked if I was arrested. They said
they didn’t want to do that. I asked if I could drive. They said “No! You’re illegal.’ I
asked if they wanted me to wait until they left and disappear. They said, “Wait until
twelve.” I waited until they left and found a safer parking spot. This was not kindness.
They found me at eleven and knew they would have to stay after their shift’s end at
twelve if they arrested me.

I saw Oji the next day and told him and I was going to leave. He said don’t. He said just
get insurance in Georgia and have it registered it in Georgia. I had been calling Motor
vehicles and they kept telling me that I needed two proofs of address, but nevertheless I
got Georgia insurance and listed a mail drop as my address.

A week later I’m driving downtown past the mail drop. Something told me to go in and
so I stopped. A man outside the mail drop-in center started telling me about how easy he
got his car registered. I said “but you have a house.” He said “No I don’t! I use this
address.” Then the mail drop opened and I had mail: My insurance papers with the mail
drops address. I took it as a sign from God and drove to Motor Vehicles. The woman at
the window looked at my N.Y. State Driver’s license and Georgia insurance and said
“How nice! Your moving to Georgia!” and gave me a Georgia registration and license
plates. I was planning to go up to see my kids, but my registration had been suspended. It
hadn’t been noticed until now. However; in New York it would be noticed immediately.
Now I was legal!

A sax player shows up with his amplifier, a car battery, his sax and a microphone
because he wanted his message heard! The keyboard player comes with his amplifier, a
car battery and his keyboard because he wants his message heard! They would both crank
up their volume. Then the band on the second floor patio would crank up the volume so
the restaurant patrons could hear. This starts a war where everybody is raising the volume
until nobody can hear and I am screaming, “The king of swords means…”

I was reading a woman’s cards and she was unloading to me as we hit on topics of
relationships. I was saying to her, “Men are easy. A man will carry the earth on his back
for the smile of a woman! A man will walk through hell and fight his way back; as long
as there is a woman at the end who will hug him and let him know that he is not as big an
asshole as he thinks he is. The deepest thought in a man’s mind is, ‘When I was no one.
When I was nothing, when I wasn’t worth crap, she stood by me!’ But contempt can kill
it. At the first sign of contempt the relationship starts to die, from her, or him. Because
you’re telling them that they are less than what they are!”

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 An awful lot of readings boil down to relationships. I once saw the purest start of a
relationship, but I have no idea what it means. Back when I was teaching; a 7th grade girl
came to me and said a boy hit her. I’m chastising the boy and he said, “But she keeps on
poking me!!” I talk to the girl and ask her why she is poking him. She said, “Because he
isn’t noticing me!!” I was reading for this 20 year-old girl. She was telling me how she
wants to date this guy so much but she was afraid. I was trying to buoy her up saying,
“You’re a gorgeous two-year-old girl in a sandbox. There is out there, a gorgeous two-
year-old boy, who would simply adore climbing in your sandbox and playing with your
toy trucks!”

As I watch; it is strange, but God has a sense of humor! Men who are “players”, who
treat women as an “it”; when they finally have children; they seem to have all daughters.
They spend the rest of their lives standing on the porch saying, “Oh no! That’s My
daughter! You’re not touching her!” Women who are gung-ho feminists, who are always
talking about those dirty creatures; when they have children seen to have boys. They
spent the rest of their days saying, “If that dirty little thing is going to touch My son….”

A guy asked for a cigarette and I said yes, I would roll him one. As I’m rolling he said,
“Hey, I ain’t got all day!” I smiled and put my tobacco away and said, “Good bye.” I
make a vow at that point that I would not roll for anybody. If you’re old enough to smoke
then you’re old enough to roll. Some people are better than Ripley’s Believe it, or Not!
Where else can you see hemorrhoids that talk.

Sleepy showed up and asked for a free reading. I met him in Tempe, Arizona. He would
play with Waldo. I picked him up hitching outside El Paso. Sleepy was a traveler. He
lived for Rainbow gatherings. He had called his father to get a bus ticket to Florida and
his father gave him a last time speech. He was at a crossroad being pressured to get a
“normal” life. He wanted a reading to make his decision. How it played out I have no
idea.

I stayed in Savannah until March 17th and drove out that night going north.

South Carolina seems to have the most cars off the road of any state I’ve been in. As
I’m heading through South Carolina, I come upon a couple that ran out of gas. I gave the
guy a ride to the gas station and talking I mention that I have been doing tarot cards for a
living. He says he’s planning something and he’d like a reading (though he has no
money). I read for him at the gas station. One layout shows that in the future, he has bad
problems because he is looking at something the wrong way. The second long layout
shows the last two cards as the ten of swords and death. Ten of swords mean a total
defeat; death means getting rid of the old to make way for the new. I took a step back so I
didn’t get hit and said, “It could mean you will have a problem and change your ways, or
it could mean you have a big problem and make the final change of death.” I am not sure,
but I think he was planning something “iffy” because he looked nervous at my statement.

North Carolina

30
 I got into Ashville with $1.32 in my pocket and my gas gauge was “E” for economy. I
nonchalantly parked my car, walked to Wall Street, calmly laid out the cards at ten
o’clock and immediately got a reading for ten dollars. God was teaching me and
protecting me. I got to San Diego with twenty dollars in my pocket fretting. He got me to
Tempe with six, Austin with six, Savannah with four, got booted off and had to handle it.
Why was he doing this? Because he wanted me to function as a magician. I had gone
west through some of the most beautiful scenery and gone through it all going, “Oh My
God, Oh My God.” He wanted me to go anywhere, calmly, appraise the situation and deal
with it. It was my second task. My first task was to do the cards (to try my arts). My third
task was to trust in God. People from Arizona on had said, “Oh No! That should be your
first task!” but they didn’t mean it. They said it then planned religiously, whine the whole
time and bitterly complained when it didn’t work out. I had kept ledger notes of how
much I made, spent and where. From Arizona on I stopped keeping track and simply
trusted in God! The fourth task from California on comes from the Kabala. It is all God!!
To see the lowliest creature trying to scam, or threaten me, and as I dispatch him, to say,
“There be God!” for it is all God!

From California on, I would find myself holding hands with psychics and they would
tell me what they saw. Psychics in every state I went through told me that there were
spirits protecting me. They all described them the same way. A girl I read for said she
could “feel” me. I held her hand with my right and she said she felt great pain; I then held
the same spot with my left and she said the pain went away. I started saying to people, “I
am crazy! I used to be normal; I was a science teacher. Now I’m crazy! I listen to crows,
have energy going through my hands and psychics in 25 states tell me their honored to
meet me! Yes, I’m crazy”

The people in Ashville seemed cooler than my first visit. The guy from the hotdog cart
came to me and said why. He said, “You got to understand. There have been a lot of bums
(squatters) coming through and just panhandling around; bumming money, sitting on
stairs and refusing to move for people, leaving garbage around…. I’m saying,”I don’t!
I’m polite, you don’t see me panhandle.” He said,”Yes, I know, but they turned
everybody off to the homeless.”

I met a girl who, like me, listens to crows and another who had a crow tattoo on her
back. I stayed in Ashville for five days making money, but got tired of the place.

Virginia

I said screw it and went up to Charlottesville. A friend in Charlottesville had been

calling me repeatedly in five states, telling me his problems (wasting my cell phone
minutes). I found that he had fallen off the wagon and his life was in disarray. I helped
him where I could. He would sit besides me as I did the cards. Three guys show up by us.
They talked about being let out of a psychiatric facility. One of the guys asked for a free

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reading, which I obliged. As I am doing the reading, one of the three men gets one inch
away from Tom’s head and said “Do you gotta dolla?” He was big and plump. I very
quickly said “Uh, Uh. We be homeless men! You don’t ask us for money!” He backed off
from us about ten feet. He edged over to Tom again and asked pointing at me “Does he
make a lot of money doing that?” I responded “My friend; it is unwise to ask a man
where he lays his head, or how he makes his coin!” He backs off again almost terrified of
me. For two weeks I see him use his large size to get right up to a person’s face and ask
“Do you gotta dolla?” After two weeks I went up to him and asked why he got so close to
people and ask for money. He said because it worked and said he had been doing it since
he was twelve. I asked why he didn’t do it to me. He said because of “Martial arts.” I
look a great deal like David Carradine of a TV show called kung Fu, about a martial arts
priest. He thought I was him and he would get “ninjaed”.

I say hello to everyone and this one man would just look at me and smile. After 7 days
he came over in his 3-piece suit, sat down cross-legged and said, “It’s time for a reading”.
At this point we start talking like two wizened old wizards. I say to him “what took you
so long? You’ve been staring at me for seven days.” He said, “Mother said you weren’t
ready”; he was Druid, He says Mother, I say God, no difference. I tell him about the girl
in San Diego who said my life sounded like The Celestine Prophesy and the girl who
gave me a crystal of Celestine for a reading. I’m asking him why is there a book that is
like my life; why did that girl give me the crystal of Celestine immediately after. He said
“because ‘mother’ (God) meant for James Redfield to write the book; she meant for the
girl to give you the crystal”. This made sense to me so I took the crystal off and passed it
on. The man’s name was Owen. After a week, I went up to him and asked him about the
energy going through my arms. He said it was Kundaleni and told me to look it up.
Kundaleni is a Hindu word meaning “coiled serpent.” Supposedly the Kundaleni lies
down at our sacral regions and when ready, it rises up our charkas and comes out of our
hands. The same idea is found in every religion when they talk about people who have
healing hands.

Everybody as a child either pulls in and sits in a corner and sulks, or strikes out and
kicks a dog. You can see it in their personality’s when threatened. The person who struck
out will come back with a retort. The person who pulled in is taken aback. Some people’s
impulse is to strike out, but social forces push on them making the pull in. There are the
people who, when nervous, or scared, can’t help making a response. They were kids who
struck out. Then there are the people who pull in and sulk; they pull in and spend their
days making guilt trips.

Two men came to me. One of them asked me, “How much for a reading?” I respond as
I always do, “You may give me whatever you think I deserve, or not, but do understand;
anybody who looks at tarots cards and says, ‘Oh my God! That is my life.’ is an idiot.” At
the second half of the statement the other guy bursts out laughing and said to his friend,
“Hey! I like this guy!” They were undercover cops sent to see if I charged. It’s common
everywhere I’ve been. Usually, some vender with a permit would see me pulling in
money when they didn’t and would complain about me. So the city would see if I was
breaking a law. Likewise; I’ve had undercover cops who have looked for drugs, or

32
offered drugs checking me out. I’ve said each time that I was the only person in the world
who doesn’t smoke!

I meet Burt again. I first met him in 2004 in Charlottesville. We get on the topic of
Kundaleni. He has it in his hands as well! We’re holding hands and Burt said he was
trying to put a shape in my mind. I saw no shape, but the experience left me with a
feeling of being “punch-drunk.” It took me a half hour to clear my head. Another time,
Burt and I are talking and I say, “God plays with my head!” Burt responds, “No! You play
with your own head! You just call him God!”

Checking the Internet, I found web pages that talked of change coming. They talked
about a series of vibrational shifts starting in 1987 and going to 2012. They said there
was going to be a major shift at the end of May 2005. I had been planning to visit my
kids soon, but I started imagining some big change and got nervous. So I left
Charlottesville on the end of May and went up to New York.

I was walking down Central Avenue in Albany and blacked out. I woke five, ten
minutes later on the street. I went to a safe place to sleep and the next day I went to visit
my kids when their mother wasn’t home.

Vermont

After visiting, I left N.Y. and went to Burlington, Vermont. It has a pedestrian mall just
like Charlottesville. I went and laid out cards. A mall cop came over to me. Before he had
a chance to say anything I said,” Sir! Are you aware that tarot cards have been defined in
courts of law as performance art and as such are protected by the first amendment and as
long as I do not charge a fee, I have a constitutional right to do them?” and I stared at
him. After a few seconds, he waved his hands indicating no desire to battle, and went
away.

I had a reading where a woman said she was done with men. After reading and talking
to her I realized and said, “Oh lord, you’re one of these women who get in a relationship
and throw your whole heart on the kitchen table!” She shrugged and said of course as if it
was the only way to do it. I said, “You don’t realize that there are women who would cut
off their arms to know the feeling of love you get! Most of them pick with their heads,
hate the guy and get off by watching ‘dirty dancing.’” She was a woman who choose with
her heart.

The next morning I felt off, so I went to the clinic and told them how I felt and my health
history. They brought me to the hospital, checked me and told me it was probably
blockage, or a mini stroke.

That afternoon I went back to the mall. I saw a mall cop and a man in a shirt and tie
standing together twenty feet away and staring at me. Then a man appeared to my right.

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He asked my name. When I told him he said, “Well Ed; it’s illegal to have blankets on the
mall.” I said, “I don’t have a blanket.” He pointed to the fabric and said that was a
blanket. I offered to pull the fabric up, but he told me I still couldn’t have the cards there.
At first I thought to fight the issue, but then decided why bother. At this point the mall
cop and the man came up. The man was a social worker and he kindly asked me if there
was anything I needed. He went on to say repeatedly about the mall, “You got to
understand, this is all we got. We got nothing else.”

I left and drove back to Charlottesville in June 3rd. There was no change I could see, no
effect I could notice from the “shift”. My paranoia was unfounded.

Back in Charlottesville I met David and Jim. I said good morning to them in passing.
Then later, we ran into each other again at the Mudhouse patio and start talking. Asking
about my situation the divorce comes up which I openly discuss. After asking pointed
questions, David came out and said, “Let’s do a reading!” It turned out that David was
going through a bad divorce and was weighing his options. We did several layouts as the
three of us discussed openly our experiences. Jim was David’s father. He was visiting for
support. Apparently this meeting met with David’s approval; He paid me with a fifty. I
thanked them and told them I now had enough to go back to Savannah.

Georgia

Back in Savannah, I continued to do cards on River Street. I went back to my car one
afternoon and three policemen surrounded me. They thought I was trying to break into
the car. I have a pack like a homeless person so I show them my New York ID and
Georgia registration. They can’t understand how I’m homeless with a N.Y. license and
yet managed to get registered in Georgia. They concluded that my car was a home and let
me go.

One night a born-again woman and a Baptist minister came with a permit saying they
had the platform we were on. We moved, but I’m talking to the minister and the woman.
Seeing my cards they were trying to make me see the error of my ways. I found myself
repeatedly saying to them, “ Do you honestly believe the beauty, the magnificence, the
wonder of Jesus Christ is so vain that he is sitting at the gates of heaven going’ uh, uh.
You didn’t call my name; you can’t join the club’. Do you honestly believe that God
makes seven billion people; of which christens are only one billion, and he says to the
other six billion “Ha Ha; You go to hell” The minister started trying to convert me, but
got frustrated and finally said “you believe in Jesus, or you go to hell and that is that” The
woman ran over and passionately hugged me. She apparently got turned on by the
religious talk.

Then came the day I was arrested for Fortune telling. I was all set to fight for my rights
and inmates would say, “No, no! You don’t understand Savannah justice! If you plead
innocent they send you back to jail three to four months waiting for trial and then

34
dismiss. If you plead guilty they say ‘time served’ and let you go” I sat 19 days in jail for
fortune telling. Guards and inmates would ask me what I was in for and I would say,
“Fortune telling” and they would crack up laughing. An inmate facing state time
challenged me to do his reading. I read with the playing cards and told the past to which
friends would say, “aw yea. You told me about that”. I told the present which fit and he
stopped me and said that was enough. After 19 days I went to the preliminary hearing and
said, “Your Honor; in order to expedite matters; I plead guilty, but do understand: I had a
constitutional right!” The Judge said, “I don’t care; case dismissed” and I was released.

I got out and saw that all the venders were being hassled and threatened. Some were
talking of a lawyer, some of moving. I thought of moving myself. I asked the cards. They
said yes to Charlottesville, no to others. So I got in my car and headed north.

Virginia

When I got in Charlottesville; many people came up to say hello, happy to see me
again. I Met David and Jim again and we started having coffee at the Mudhouse in the
morning discussing relationships and over things.

One day this twenty something girl came to me and asked if I minded if she did tarot
cards too. I asked why she should care and welcomed her. She started doing cards close
to me. At the same time these teenagers were curious about the cards and I gave them
definitions. One night some of them wanted to come out and do cards on the street. This
caused other friends who knew the cards to join us. On that night, we had a line of seven
people next to each other reading people’s cards.

I went to get my insurance paid and discovered that my license had been suspended. I
was expecting this and planned to travel without the car.

I was walking up to the Salvation Army to take a shower when this girl by the Omni
started talking to me. She could feel me. We were holding hands and she said she wanted
to take the sadness out.

David’s divorce was very stressful and he was at a point where he was considering
many options, including mine of travel. He was sitting by me one day and a twenty year
old started talking to us in conversation. He mentioned that he was planning a trip by bus
through the south to Mexico. I had entertained thoughts of going to Mesathian in Mexico
so I expressed an interest. David was likewise intrigued and said so. The kid liked the
idea of us going and said he would think about it.

There was this kid who worked at subways. He agreed with me when I talked about a
world collapse. He said he had felt this too and he had been given a job. He was a
Destroyer! He was to wait about twenty years and start killing people. He said that
heaven had two Gods and thirteen angels under him. I asked him if one of them were

35
female and he looked surprised and said, “Yea! How did you know?” I said Kabala says
God is both male and female.

I had the cards out one afternoon and a girl comes to sit down by me. She is psychic.
She can feel me and can see the spirits behind me. She describes them as others have. As
She’s holding my hands, telling me things, I say, “Why crows?” She said, “Because you
are the crow! You travel and give knowledge.” I had been researching crows on the
Internet for over a year, but found nothing except, “If they fly from the north” it means
something. After she said this I went down to the Mudhouse and checked their computer.
This time when I checked the net I found a page that said, “Crow Medicine” that talked
all about the crow and people who notice them. It fit my life and travels.

Later, she said that she felt a demon that was made up of issues about my relationship
with my ex-wife. After she said that I went to the library and typed up a letter to my ex-
wife to basically put my issues aside.

I would say in conversation to some people, make a list of everything, every skill, every
job, every hobby, every interest that you have ever had. Somewhere in that list are at least
ten things that you could make a living on the street doing (besides peddling your ass.).

There was a day when many people seemed stressed. Two times guys came to me, not
angry at me, saying, “I’m So Fuckin Fed Up at…” And I would try to calm them down.
That night I got a homeless man wanting a free reading and telling me he was going to
“off” himself; and I am giving my best plea not to give up the light. The next day, the girl,
Brook, came and sat down and said how stressful the day before was. She said the
vibrations were very chaotic. I went up to a woman who ran a crystal shop and said, “You
can feel vibrations, right?” She said yes and I asked her how they were yesterday. She
responded, “Very unstable!” I asked why I hadn’t felt anything and she said they weren’t
my issues!

All is vibrations! Issues are chaotic vibrations; love is a smooth vibration. The Hindu’s
believe Vishnu (God) is bringing man from the Iron Age to the Golden Age; a time when
mind and body are one. Likewise; psychics and sensitives say we are all being raised to a
higher consciousness. According to the Hindu’s, Vishnu first made man perfect like God,
but man’s ego got in the way. So he brought man through the other ages so man could
learn wisdom. In this guise, God is raising everyone up, but he don’t want no issues up
there. So he/she is making everyone work through their issues and either settle them, or
step out of the picture and die. But there is no death for it is all God! Psychics talk of
reincarnating and coming to earth to learn, or settle something. They talk of old souls ad
such. If that is true then some people are unable to settle and “manifest” their own death’s
so as to come back later; others work through their miseries and gain wisdom.

It is analogous to a line in the movie The Third Man with Orson Wells. The line of
Harry Lime, “Italy had four hundred years of bloody civil war and produced the likes of
Migalangalo, Botticelli and DeVinci. Switzerland had five hundred years of peace,
unending peace and what did they produce? The cuckoo clock.” Wisdom; whether we’re

36
talking of civilizations, or individuals; only comes through hardships and choosing
wisdom over bitterness. We all have a little room in our head where we go to rage, or
sulk, “How dare they!” It leads to the line, “And I will never forget!!” and issues of
bitterness we review again and again. It hurts us more than the person we have the issue
with! This is why wise men and psychics say it’s all a matter of perspective. We’re not
looking at things right.

Existence is a classroom, God is the teacher and we be two year olds and he wants us to play nicely
in the sandbox! What is the mantra of the two year old? “If it looks like mine it’s mine, if it used to be
mine it’s mine, if you got it it’s mine, etcetera ad nusium.” Look at any behavior you see on the street;
it’s more refined, it’s more polished, but it’s still a two year old, “I want!” The man in the bar sees the
girlfriend he dumped two months earlier. She’s dressed to town with a new date and all of a sudden he
wants her back! We’re two year olds! We attempt to posture ourselves up (or try to lower someone else
down). We act and label as selling points. If we lose our selling points then we have less chance to get
what we want…..Except it is all illusion.

But this leads to another point; if a two year old is learning to walk, he doesn’t get up
and “bebop” down the hall! He gets up, falls down, gets up, falls down not once, but
several times. It is how you learn. Saint Augustine said, “I’ve learned nothing from my
achievements, but everything from my failures.” Nobody looks at a two year old and
says, “What an asshole!” because it’s assumed that’s how you learn. But; from two to
adulthood we get this idea that we dare not make a mistake and we make all these issues
from feelings about our mistakes, or someone else’s. But we can’t learn without making
mistakes. So it goes like this, “I am an Asshole! I worked very hard to become one! It
took many years of practice! I will proudly tell you that I am an Asshole! I couldn’t have
learned any other way, nor could anyone else!

Somewhere; there is this gorgeous little two-year-old girl; and out there is a gorgeous
little two-year-old boy who would simply adore climbing in her sandbox and playing
with her toy trucks. But; sooner, or later she’ll have an accident in the sandbox and curl
up into a ball and form issues about it. But; If she was a proper two year old she would
go, “ Oppsee! No big deal! Mommy can clean it up.” And forgive herself for being an
asshole because we all make mistakes. Likewise; sooner, or later he’ll make a mistake.
She can either go, “how dare you!”, or she can take it as a two year old and go, “that’s
ok! I had an accident last week” If she can, she comes very close to what Christ said in
the christen bible.” Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against
us.”

Little kids are gorgeous to watch. Little boys run into walls fifty million times, before
they learn to walk around; little girls learn right off to walk around, but there is a trade-
off. When the boy becomes a teenager, he will walk right up to his mother and say, “Ma;
I’m going to go do something stupid.”, and you have time to turn him around. A teenage
girl will look at you sincerely and say, “Oh no! I’d never do that!”, and you know that
you will have to watch her for the next twenty years!

37
 I read for this woman after she shuffled and said, “You had a problem in your past.”
She said, “I had no problems!” I had her shuffle again and again I said she had problems
to which she assured me she didn’t. I said, “You mean you never had anything bad
happen?” To which she replied, “Oh yes! The roof fell in last year!” I was asking, “You
don’t consider that a problem?” “No!” She said, “That was something that I had to fix!”

Psychics in twenty-five states have been telling me that everything that happens to us
we manifest ourselves. The same is true in Charlottesville. They say; my heart attack,
year and a half contemplating suicide, 82 days in jail and everything I manifested myself
because I could not leave any other way and still look at myself in the mirror. The year
has been strange enough that I believe it.

My friend Burt brought this woman to me one night for a reading. She was from Brazil
and I’m laying out the cards and reading them. I came to the seven of cups reversed and
said, “You had to stop your daydreaming and focus on goals.” And added in jest, “either
that, or you were not psychic anymore.” At this the woman slammed her hand down on
the card and said loudly, “Yes! That is what happened!” She said that she did cards in
Brazil and was psychic, but when she went up to New York, she couldn’t feel anything.
She said that God had told her that she had to come to America to get people and bring
them to Mexico, “to open them up”, but couldn’t feel anything now. I had Burt, the girl
and I hold hands in a circle. We sat; Burt and I aware and the girl with her eyes closed
and a serene smile on her face. After ten, or fifteen minutes the girl opened her eyes and
let go saying, “That was wonderful! I hadn’t felt that in over three weeks.” She said she
felt that she was in the wrong place and was upset with herself. I said she was meant to
come here first! I told how I was meant to get lost in New Mexico for sixty miles so I
could meet up at a rest stop with a girl from Vancouver. I told her the other people might
not be at the right spot if she showed up early. The next day the girl came back to finish
the reading. She said that she was in the wrong place and was off to California.

I did a reading for a woman who was psychic. She saw the symbol of the starman on my
bag and said she had seen it in Mexico at the temple. She said the guide told her it meant
“Shape Changer” She also told me that I would be going to some place with an “m” and
go north. The destroyer kid told me he would see me in Las Vegas and said he just knew.
Another man told me he would see me in Laughton, Nevada, right next to Las Vegas. I
thought that this meant I would go to Mesathian and go north to Las Vegas.

An old man came and looked at my layout. He said his wife belonged to the “White
Brotherhood” I thought it was a racist group, but he assured me it wasn’t. I checked on
the Internet and it said it was a group of “Ascended Masters” communicating with
earth.(?)

A friend told me how his parents saved for a nest egg and bought a house in Sun City.
After a month they hated it. They felt like they were in a gilded cage. All of their friends
had RVs and were traveling. They had gone with the safe path and felt trapped. We all
have a choice between freedom and safety. There are people I have met in 25 states
saying, “I hate this!” and I say, “Then leave.” They say they can’t because they can’t lose

38
their apartment, or their job. Even the homeless ones will say they don’t want to lose the
food pantry. We all yield to our fears of the unknown and stay in a miserable situation
rather than try something new. It’s safe! It’s tied to our memories of the past and how we
perceive it. It is tied to our anticipations of our hopes and our fears. It is what you want,
but more especially what you settle for. But there is no safety! The job can disappear, or
the pantry closes. People who assume anything end up whining. It is the people who can
face the unknown who do well. Because there is only freedom and it is our perceptions
that make us slaves.

I had a back-up plan of getting a bus to Key West. The twenty year old with a bus
called me to say I wouldn’t be chosen. So I planned on Key West. I was talking to this
successful businessman one night. I was going into my strangeness, and he starts going
into his. His strangeness was stranger than my strangeness. He said there is no past, there
is no future, there is only now; be happy. I was manifesting (praying) to get one hundred
more dollars for the trip. Mike comes up and asks for a reading and pays me one hundred
dollars for it. I think he “felt” my call.

Before I left Charlottesville, I gave my journal to David to hold, along with my

teaching papers. I sold my car to a friend for ten dollars and ued it until I got the Florida
bus.

Florida

I traveled by bus to Key West. It was three days of sitting on a bus. I got there at ten
thirty at night and was told that they’re hard on their homeless because of the last
hurricane so I spent the night at the sheriff’s shelter. I had my belongings in three bags,
but I knew I couldn’t handle the weight and size. So in the morning at the shelter I gave
away my sleeping bag, my butane burner, all but two pair of clothes and anything else not
essential. I walked to the town.

I was told they wouldn’t allow venders on the street without a permit so checked into a
permit and was told that it was 100 dollars and a wait of a month while someone decided.
However; there was an urban park where they would rent out space to buskers for ten
dollars a day .The whole feel of Key West I did not like. Then I heard a rooster and
stiffened! The last time I heard a rooster was in Tijuana and I saw no way to do business.
I had the same feeling this time! I started walking out of the town. A bus came by and
stopped for me as I was walking. The driver said there was no charge that day; it was the
hurricane bus. He drove me to the end of the route. I was all set to get off and walk, but
he stopped me and told me to stay there. He said the next bus was coming to bring me the
rest of the way to Miami.

The next bus came. On the way a man got on. He was dressed like a maintenance man
and we started talking. In the middle of the conversation, out of the blue, he said, “Bad
things are coming to the world.” I said I believed that there would be a collapse as well

39
and we talked of it. He had been homeless for several years and living at the bus terminal.
Only recently had he gone to a program to get a life and a job. I have had other people
say they believe a collapse is coming, but with most it is just a belief. Only certain people
came to that knowledge by feeling it! In my case, my “gut”; he just knew it, it came to
him. The bus arrived at a terminal in Miami. We got off and walked to the seats. He said
somewhat nostalgically, “This is where I used to sleep. No one will bother you here. The
guards patrol it.” He asked if I was hungry and I said I was good, whereupon he bid good
luck and went home. There were about four other people there laying down. I slept with
the other homeless.

The next morning I got up intending to see the sunrise over Miami and took the bus. I
met Uri. He was Russian, formerly a professor of Western History, now a homeless man.
He left his wife to go with this younger woman, but he became so disenchanted with her
that he left his house and was homeless and alcoholic. He would sit on Lincoln Road’s
access to the beach saying to women, in a Russian accent, “Pret-ty Woman. Do you have
a quart-ter?” As they walked by he would curse, “CUNT!”

Miami Beach has got to be the most pretentious place in the world! Many there
lovingly call it the sixth borough of New York. Even many of the cops have Manhattan
accents! Sadly I see New York City attitude without New York City heart. You go to
McDonalds and you’re not sure if they are waiting on you, or doing you a favor. The big
attraction is Lincoln Road. It is a pedestrian mall. It leads to the beach and it is big
money! Because of that many things are inflated. I bought a third-rate back pack for
$90.00 A friend went to an electronic store and was told $150 for a radio. He said no and
started walking to the door. They started haggling the price down. By the time he got to
the door, they lowered the price to $50.

Every place I go I pick out one coffee house that does good business that is pleasant
and I make myself a regular customer. So if it is raining, they won’t mind if I sit inside
and do cards. On Lincoln Road it is the middle Starbucks. There are five of them on
Lincoln. Most are as pretentious. The Middle one had a gay manager and gay staff and
they actually acted happy to see you!

I set up outside of the first Starbucks. I give a reading to a greedy woman who is
studying the Kabala. She says that Madonna and Demi Moore are Kabala and she wants
to be rich like them! She pays three dollars and the mall police come and tell me to leave.
The street people call them rent-a-cops. I go to the beach and do a reading. The rent-a-
cops come and tell me I can’t. They suggest I try Bayside. I go there and get booted; they
say it is private property. I get back to Lincoln Road at seven in the evening. I walk up to
a real cop and say I do cards and work by contribution. I asked if he minded if I sat down.
He said he didn’t care, but if he has complaints; I’m out. So I sit down and do business.

I had slept sixteen months in a car and was apprehensive about sleeping outside. As it
turned out, my fears were unfounded. I slept on the beach under the stars to the sound of
ocean waves and woke up content.

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 One night I get a reading that started as a joke. They thought it would be mindless
entertainment. When it started fitting their lives they became truly impressed. I gave a
reading to this psychic woman who could feel me. At one point she said, “The map is not
the territory” I asked what she meant and she said she was told to tell me. She could talk
with spirits. The statement is actually a quote from a mapmaker named Alfred Kobel, but
where it fit in my life I couldn’t tell you.

I would find myself saying often in a reading, “Old time nuns would draw a see-saw on
the board and say, ‘Life is not like a see-saw. You cannot raise yourself up by putting
someone else down.’ And now you think about anybody who ‘cracked’, or put you down
and ask yourself, were they at the top, or bottom of the status heap? More than likely they
were near the bottom. Their like drowning men and you cannot blame them for their
comments. The sin is not that they said it! Its that you believed them!”

I had issues with my divorce that psychics in 25 states were telling me to resolve. I
finally resolved it in Miami with brandy. Brandy brings up all the issues with me. After
the fifth day of spiking brandy I came up with a resolution: We All Screwed Up!
Psychologists say if you are unhappy, really unhappy; there comes a point where you
subconsciously start sabotaging things; anything to get away! You hurt without realizing,
but you just don’t feel guilty about it. So I would sabotage then she would sabotage back
and forth until things became overt and then the fun really began! That was my divorce!

I went and did cards all day, but felt burned out at ten at night and went to the beach
and slept. I woke up in the morning strangely content, as if some issue had been resolved.
I went to Starbucks to get coffee and talked with an astrologer. He said a “transit” was
coming that would shake up some lives. He also said that Quantum mechanics ends
where the Hindu Vedas begin. I checked into it and he was basically right.

I got breakfast at the McDonalds on Lincoln Road. I would see homeless men searching
through the trash for an empty McDonalds coffee cup. This they would bring in the
McDonalds and demand their free refill. The McDonalds was giving free refills if you
bought a coffee. Because they presented “their” cup, they were given a free refill. This
gave them the right to sit inside at a table and to use the bathroom to clean up.
McDonalds kept the bathroom locked for any but costumers because they had too many
incidents of vandalism.

Practicing my tithing, I walked to a woman off Lincoln with two dollars. As I’m going
to her she says, “Oh please don’t give me money!” I put the money away and start to
walk away. She says, “What am I saying! Give me the money!” Was she crazy? Was she
going by her honor, but then realized her situation? I don’t know!

One morning; I was sitting outside Starbucks and a man went by and said, “God Bless
You.” I called him back and said, “That is not what you mean because you believe all the
Hindus and Islams go to hell!” He knelt by me and said that was not what he believed. He
said he had been a Jew and Jesus had come to him and he did not look at things that way.
At this I was profusely saying how sorry I was and I was wrong. When leaving he said,

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“Build God’s Temple on rock because on sand it will fly away! Build his temple on
rock!”

That same day; I ordered take-out wings from Next; a restaurant on the mall. The waiter
followed me out and said, “The manager wants you to know the price.” and showed me a
slip. I walked back to the place and said, “Since there seems to be some question about
me paying, perhaps I should pay first.” and held out a twenty. The waiter smiled at this
and the manager brought them out. However; someone called the cops on me because as
I’m sitting outside eating, the rent-a-cop comes up and tells me to move on.

A psychic I talked with said I would go to the hospital for something and meet a woman
who would help me. Three days later I had a bad boil on an unreachable spot on my
backside and I did indeed go to Jackson Hospital. I sat in the waiting room from two
o’clock until twelve being seen only by the business department. They kept on asking me
for my next-of-kin saying they would be concerned. I finally said, “Why would I give
you that so that you could send them a bill?” So I sat until twelve and had a nurse lance
the boil.

Anytime you wonder about three dollar aspirins, blame me (not just me). In the 60’s
there was a reported case of a pregnant woman being turned away from the hospital for
no money. There was a public outcry such that congress passed a law making it illegal to
refuse treatment, but they never said where the money was to come from. As a result
hospitals get no shortage of ill homeless and they pass the cost on to all. This is the
present Healthcare.

While at the hospital, I met Chinni who was getting treated for something else. We left
together to 8th street where I read her cards. This reminded me of the psychic in
Charlottesville who said I would go to a place with an “m” and go north. I thought
Mesatheon, but I’m in Miami. I slept on the beach at 8th. In the morning I hear a crow
cawing loudly. I open my eyes to see a crow diving repeatedly into flocks of seagulls on
the beach. He would then brazenly stand there in the middle of them as they scatter,
looking for a fight.

I read for this girl from Moscow. She was working as a Mon Pare (baby sitter), looking
for a rich husband. During the reading I said, “What will you do if you pick with your
head, but your heart won’t accept it?” She said, “Well, My heart will just have to!” But
she came from Moscow and saw tough times. Most women from poorer areas don’t look
at a relationship as choosing love. It is only in more affluent countries where women
want to pick with their heart.

In regards to that; an Eastern diplomat once said, “You in the West start out with
lust and hope it evolves into love. We, in the East start out with trust and it does evolve
into love.” I knew a teacher in America who was from India. One Friday he stopped in
where we were gathered to say, “I’m sorry I can’t stay. I got to go pick up my wife.”
Everyone cried in amazement, “Your married?!” He said yes, he got married when he was
three. No doubt, he picked his wife up from the airport from a photo, brought her home

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where one, or both would make dinner. From there they would go to the bedroom. If
either of them, he, or she were to say, “I don’t feel like it.” Then the other would say,
“Uh, uh. This is your job! Get in here!” Two years later; as the wife is walking home
from her job; wondering why she allowed herself to get married to a middle-aged, bald,
plump man; she enters the house where she sees him in the rocking chair, rocking the
baby. At that moment, she feels the deepest, most abiding love for him that she could ever
feel for another human being! What is love?

A man in Canada 200 years ago went up to a woman coming off a ship and said,
“Will you marry me?” and the woman said yes and they stayed together for the rest of
their lives. My Ex-wife had among her ancestors a German family with six sons going to
America to avoid WWI. On the same boat was a family with six daughters from Ireland;
Coming to escape the many blights there. On the boat, the six German sons married the
six Irish Daughters, despite different languages and different cultures. People are amazed
by that and ask why? The answer is easy. When you have trouble getting food on the
table, you don’t fuss over the eating habits of the person across the table. When there is
trouble getting shelter, you don’t quibble about the size of the doors. It is only among the
middle class that they play ego games saying, “Well they did this to me, so I’m going to
do this…” But if things got bad, then you would see a lot of iffy relationships get rock
solid; because everything else would become unimportant.

I met more and more people who could feel other people’s emotions and they knew
something was coming. A guy sits for a reading and in the middle of it he interrupts
blurting out that he believes that bad things are coming. I tell him that I agree and this
seems to reassure him. He asks what happens if nothing happens. I say to him,”Then find
me in 2012; I will by you a drink and you’re welcome to laugh at me.”

A girl came to me and said she wanted a reading, but not on the ground. We went to a
table in Starbucks. She said she could “feel” me. As I was reading I felt more and more
punch-drunk. I asked her if she was giving me energy. She said she knew that she put out
energy, but didn’t know how to control it.

One night three young teenagers came and asked, “Are you real?” I was surprised by
this and said, “I know the cards, but if you want, you can go down to a girl doing cards
down there.” They scoffed, “Oh, she’s not real!” I said, “How do you know?” “Because
she’s gypsy!” they answered. I said, “So?” “Because we’re gypsy!” they responded.

Then there was this guy named Mark. He would always come by, smile and say hello.
He could “feel” me. Mark was an alchemist, though he’d never call himself one; People
who do call themselves one never are! He called himself a douser, but he doused for
money and was good at it. He had been to all these psychic schools and felt things and all
that. He would visit me periodically. He would pick up one of my pennies and toss it to
get meaning from how it fell. Once I had this strange dream about a flood and asked
Mark to interpret it. He grabbed my notebook, drew a line down the middle. On the left
he wrote details of the dream; on the right he would say, “Okay. How did it make you

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feel? Give me adjectives!” When he was done, everything he wrote on the right were the
same things I had written in my journal three years before I became homeless; my
deepest darkest feelings!

If a two-year-old kicks a dog, is he evil? Or; do we say that he just hasn’t learned to
handle his feelings? It is a very relevant question! We have a tendency to label and
personify. The holocaust was horrible, but Adolph Hitler a one lone racist, no different
than any racist on your block! The sin of the Holocaust was not Hitler, but all the people
who agreed with him and not just in Germany. The Tuskegee experiment happened at this
time. American scientists gave (and left untreated) syphilis to six black men to see the
effects. Mental hospitals and wards for the retarded had experiments that would rival
Mengelas work in the Nazi death camps. There was throughout world the view that there
were those who counted and those who didn’t. Indeed; If Hitler had won, we wouldn’t be
talking about the holocaust, but rather Roosevelt’s treatment of the American-Japanese.
It’s all quite relative. What is good? What is bad? St. Augustine said he learned nothing
from his achievements, but everything from his failures, nothing from the easy times, but
everything from the hard. The movie Konan the Barbarian shows a little kid see his
parents killed, be put in horrible slavery doing hard work and from that get giant muscles
and kill his enemy! To his enemies he was evil; to his friends he was good. Would currant
world opinion be as it is if we as a people did not get sickened over what they saw in
WWII.

I’m doing cards on Collins Avenue and this crack head girl is sitting next to me. She
tells me she can “feel” me. I hold her hands and she starts crying. I’m saying,” I did not
mean to make you cry”. She’s reassuring me, “No! It’s a good thing. It’s a good thing.”
Later in the day she walks up to me and passionately hugs me and tells me she is going
into treatment.

I was sleeping on the beach. One night I wake up to this guy massaging my backside
under my pants! I spin around, not sure what to do and the guy is standing there smiling.
Getting the haze from my head, I point at him and ask, “ Homosexual?” He nods his
head. I say pointing at myself, “Heterosexual.” He says, “Oh.” and walks away. I got a
tarp after that. After that I wake up to some guy walking on my tarp, while I’m sleeping
in it. I jump up and he jumps back saying, “I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” He was a crack head
scavenging. He thought he could grab my bag wedged by me. Sadly that’s common.
Street people refer to them as sand-snakes; people who comb the beach at night seeing
who they can roll.

I was sleeping on the beach another time and wake up to a crows cawing. I notice the
crow standing fifteen feet from me. When he sees me looking, he flies high and dives
repeatedly into flocks of gulls, scattering them. He stands among them looking
challengingly.

Somebody stole my tarp and I took it as a message from God to get a tent! One night a
guy is trying to get in my tent; I wire it shut. I say, “What are you doing?” He says, “Can
I come in? I tell him no and he asks, “Well; can I jerk-off in front of you’re tent?” I tell

44
him I’m calling the cops and he says, “You’re no fun!!” Another time a crack head is
trying to force his way into my tent. Because I wire the zipper shut, all he could do was
unzip the screen cover and look in. He isn’t bothered by the knife I have against his throat
because, if he gets cut, he can still buy crack. As soon as I turn my cell phone on he
immediately gets up and leaves. If I call the cops then he is caught and unable to buy
crack. On the flip side; one morning this pretty woman I read for came down. She called
my name, gave me a cappuccino and an invitation to a party.

I still get booted by the rent-a-cops periodically. In 2002 the cops arrested a guitar
player and he and the ACLU fought it. Miami was told they couldn’t stop performance
art. Now the police don’t touch you. The rent-a-cops tell you to move and if you refuse
they have the real cops arrest you; not for performing, but for not listening to the rent-a-
cops.

I got a message to call my daughter. I called her and she told me was pregnant. It wasn’t
a bad thing, but it bothered me immensely. She was 19 and I hoped she would be older. It
bothered me the whole day, so much so, that I got a large bottle of wine and downed it. I
didn’t resolve the issue until about twelve the next day. It was a Tuesday, the slowest day
of the week. I laid out the cards and pulled in a hundred and twelve dollars; people left
and right wanting a reading. One of the last people I saw was Samuel, a jeweler; he’s on
the same path as me. I’m saying to him how I had a personal problem and howled to
myself, “I didn’t mean to call the soul of the world!” He said, “Well they felt your pain.”

One night I have the cards out and am reading Conversations With God by Neil Donald
Walsh. There is a part that bothered me a lot. I pray to God asking that He gives me a clue
to understand. Thirty minutes later a couple walks by and notices the cards. They don’t
want a reading, but they see my book out and say, “Hey! We read that.” I say how I am
reading it, but am bothered by one part. They said they had a problem with that idea as
well. They ended up sitting down discussing that part of the book with me. Another guy
walks past, overhears our conversation and walks back and joins us. So the four of us are
having a group discussion on that part of the book.

There is another idea from the book; whether you want to call it channeling from God
himself, or good writing. It says “What do you think brought you to this material? How
does it pass that you are holding it in your hands? Do you think I do not know what I am
doing? There are no coincidences!” I believe in this. I believe in predestination. While
traveling I have followed three on a loop. If I hear of a book from three people then I go
out and read it. This is why I got Conversations With God and was reading it. There was
another book called The Great Divorce by C. S. Lewis. Four people had mentioned it to
me and I didn’t get it. Then one day I get into a conversation with this guy who said he
had to return a book that he didn’t like. As we’re talking he relates The Great Divorce to
our topic. I say that’s funny because he’s the fifth person to mention it, but I’ve not read it
yet. He looked at me funny, then reached into his bag and took out the book he had to
return. It was the Great Divorce. He told me to read it and get it back to him.

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 Miami Beach in 2005 was recovering from the effects of Hurricane Katrina. They had a
lot of smaller hotels damaged beyond occupancy. There were five homeless men with
questionable habits who had moved into an empty hotel. It still had electricity and water.
Three of the men carried large pipe cutters to cut locks; they stole bicycles They lived for
booze and drugs. I was invited in to one of these empty hotels by them; they told me I
was cool. Buying a locking door knob, I moved into one of the apartments and replaced
the door knob with my own. I don’t stay in a room that I can’t lock! In another room were
a teenage boy and girl. They spent their time there drinking beer and loudly fighting with
the windows open. Periodically he would go to the window and shout, “Party! Party!
Party!” Needless to say, they were not good at being discreet while on someone else’s
private property without permission! Because of the habits of all involved I stayed
periodically, but always kept my stuff with me. The cops booted them out after a while.

I was talking with Mark about kundaleni and people giving it off. Mark said everyone
puts energy out with their right and takes in with their left. I thought about a girl in
Ashville. When I held her hand with my right she said it hurt, but when I held her hand
with my left she claimed the pain went away.

There were psychics telling me I had to “wake up.” They agreed with my “gut” that a
hunger was coming, but they said I had a job to do and had to wake up. I had seen and
heard enough strange things since being homeless that I didn’t discount them as crazy
(though I am). I was told that it was either ego, or fear that kept me from waking up.

As I’m laying out cards one morning, something told me I had to go. I can’t explain it!
It is my “gut”. I went to two friends at Starbucks and simply said, “I have to go.” And I
started walking up route A1A north. I thought my walk would allow me to wake-up. As it
turned out, it was to conquer my fears of the unknown. I walked with my backpack, no
money and no cigarettes. I’d be picking butts up off the ground as I went. I walked to
Haulover Park and slept. The next morning I woke up very sore and limped over to a guy
to ask for a cigarette. The guy turned around and he was Marco; one of the street people.
He had a woman with him who gave me a pack of cigarettes, brought me to Hollywood,
Florida, fed me and let me take a shower. From Hollywood I walked the next day to Fort
Lauderdale and slept on the beach. The cops booted me and I was walking down the city
street when a guy calls from his car, “hey! Do you know a good place to eat here?” I said
I was a homeless man from New York and didn’t know anything. He offered me a place
to stay and said to get in the car. It was two happily gay guys who brought me to Pollo
Tropical, bought a dinner for each of us and brought us to a cottage. We had great
conversation whereupon they gave me the master bedroom and happily went into the side
bedroom themselves. No they didn’t touch me.

I continued walking and saw Deerfield Park. There were magnificent, big houses with
canals and yachts and cars. It almost seemed the height of opulence. I walked on to
Ocean Ridge that seemed to have private beaches. I walked up to this Well-dressed
woman to ask if there were any free beaches. Instead of being scared of a scraggy man
with a backpack, she warmly tells me of the county beach and leads me down to it. Once
there I see three people getting stoned out of their mind. One of the three, a woman, takes

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one look at me and invites me to sleep in her house. She is a “healer”. I sleep on her
couch and in the morning she said she could feel a trauma I went through in May of
2003. I walk up to Palm Springs and run into “Zero”, a homeless man from Miami. He
brings me to the food pantry to get fed and I continue walking. Seven miles outside of St.
Augustine, I’m hitching and get a ride from a man who said he’s just going a few miles. I
say how I’m traveling and he announces that he is from the Edgar Cayce Society and he
thinks he better bring me to the Savannah entrance in Jacksonville. He drops me right off
at the entrance.

I hitch to Savannah and lay out the cards. Officer Tupac sees me and arrests me. The
paddy wagon brings me to jail and after twenty minutes the guard tells me that they will
check me for priors and release me. I get out, get back to town and lay out cards again in
a different spot. Officer Tupac arrests me again! As the paddy wagon cop brings me into
the jail, the guard looks at him funny and he said, “I know. I know. It wouldn’t have been
my call.” The jail releases me again; I get back to town and walk over the bridge that
connects Savannah and South Carolina. At the end of the bridge there is a car waiting for
me. The guy motions to me and says that he was going the opposite way, but saw me
walking the bridge and didn’t want me hit. He was an ex-con who had just gotten out of
prison. He insisted on driving me to Hardeeville saying how dangerous the road is.

I hitch north in three rides, the last from South Carolina to the entrance ramp for
Charlottesville. It was a fascinating five hours discussing mysteries of the world.

Virginia

I got back into Charlottesville on the 16th of March. It is still cold nights. I do a reading
for a girl at the Mudhouse who can see spirits and said she saw so many energies around
me. She said I was so protected. After sleeping outside for four nights I go to “Pacem”. It
is a group run by the churches for the homeless. I slept in a church basement. I went back
to sleeping in a tent in April.

I woke up in the tent at 3 am, scared and cold. I had drunk 2 wine glasses of wine
before bed and I was reluctant to have the leftover wine. I didn’t want to get into the
habit. It was cold, dark and miserable. Then I said screw it and decided to be bohemian
and have a glass of wine. As soon as I did that I realized it wasn’t that cold and I
unzipped my tent and sat with a cigarette, the wine and no coat on! Because I woke up
scared and anxious, it magnified everything that could be bad. I had a similar experience
in Florida. I was cold and miserable, but when I saw a destination, I realized that it wasn’t
really cold. It is all perception. Mystics and marines say the same thing: There is no cold,
there is no heat, there is no pain: it’s all your perspective. They point out how a person
can fight and feel nothing, but after they’re saying, “Ow! I hurt my hand!” When your
mind is occupied, you don’t notice the temperature as much.

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 I bought an 8x9 tent and an air mattress. I set it up in the woods and every morning I
lowered it and camouflaged it. I bought a new bag. Using a sharpie marker, I put the
“Star man” symbol and other symbols on my bag. Among them “the traveler.” It is a
hexagram from the I Ching. It is made of two halves: “standing still” and “brightness.”

You may wonder what that has to do with traveling. Confucius was a traveler; But when
he stood still, God did he shine! I also put the Chinese character for traveler.

I’ve been getting a lot of readings where they “want” a partner, but, when questioned,
they have needs. They must have a job, or a status. Maslow said there is a hierarchy of
needs of survival, food and shelter, love and belonging, self-esteem and self actualization.
If you’re being chased by a bear, you don’t think about eating. Once you get away you
look for shelter, or to eat. Then you’re in a cave with food but you don’t want to be alone.
You get friends, but you want good standing among them. Finally; you have self- esteem
and you go out into the night and ask,” Who am I?” So we have survival: The eight-year-
old girl, being made to walk to school by herself. Older boys will follow, teasing and
taunting. By the time that girl becomes a teenager, she goes with the mean kid, who may
beat her, but he’ll keep the others away. Likewise; there is the prisoner who will submit
sexually to the mean inmate to escape others. Love and Belonging: The teenager writing
in her journal, “he’s cute! He’s so- o –o cute!” Food and Shelter: But she makes the
wrong choices and now she is twenty, or thirty, with two kids, welfare died out, she’s
working two jobs and desperately, DESPERATELY looking for someone, anyone,
Quasimodo with a paycheck will do; anything to make her life easier! Or; the homeless
man, charming women that he doesn’t want, but who have a house. Self-Esteem: Ladies
in their thirties scared of their eggs getting old, going to bars where doctors, or lawyers
hang out because they must marry right! But all of them; every man and woman looking,
will tell you that they are looking for love.
Women talk of choosing with their heads, not their hearts and for good reason! A
hundred years ago, a mother would notice her daughter staring aimlessly at boys and
would plan a trip to town. She would make sure they pass an alley where they would see
some woman in rags with sores all over her body and clutching a dead baby in her arms.
The daughter would stare in horror and gasp, “Oh my God! What happened?” The mother
would simply say, “There, but for the grace of God go I. That poor woman didn’t choose
wisely in picking a husband.” and nothing else. Guaranteed, that daughter went back
home with her knees nailed shut!

I left New York with a multitude of issues about marriage, females and relationships.
This makes me no different than millions of other people. Then we get into love…there is
no answer. A cartoon I saw thirty years ago showed two silhouettes, of a man and a
woman. They were toasting each other, poised, confident, calm. Inside each silhouette
were shivering, shriveling little creatures, wanting to reach out yet afraid. We are two-

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year-olds in the sandbox; easily hurt, self doubting, filled with wants; but we hide it self
assured. What do we want?

Paul Coelho said in one of his books that true love was an absolute surrender. Perhaps a
woman that I read for in Vermont was like that; she laid her heart on the kitchen table
letting her self to get hurt. Therein lies the problem; if the surrender is one sided.

I’m manifesting (praying) as hard as I can. I’m asking for a soul who wants me as I am
and that I want. Not a relationship necessarily, but someone to play in the sandbox! About
a month later I meet these two women with a twelve-year-old boy. I can “feel” the one
woman. I, who can’t feel anyone, can feel this woman so strongly that, I, a jaded divorced
man, am hugging her saying I love you! We make out that day; arrange a night together
and then I moved into her bus. We lasted a week, but then our issues came out and the
poor mattress couldn’t bear the load. I emailed her two weeks later and wrote that I still
loved her eyes and mouth, but the demon of issues got in the way. She wrote back,
“Demons my ass! You just don’t know how to deal with a real woman!” I let the matter
drop.

I called my kids and discovered that my daughter Sarah was in the Hospital. I was
going to hitch, but something told me to try the Salvation Army. I talked to Kimberly, and
told her about my daughter. Without hesitation, she wrote me a check saying, impressed,
that I had never asked for anything before. So I took a bus to Albany on Friday and got to
her the next morning, on Saturday. She was fine; she had my grand daughter. I stayed the
night at the hospital and the next day I saw my other two as well! I visited until five in the
afternoon. From there, I jumped to my sister in Binghamton (I’m very good at jumping!)
and went on to Ithaca, New York.

Ithaca has a pedestrian mall just like Charlottesville; in fact they were made at the same
time. I read cards in Ithaca. Another soul stops by me telling me I have to wake up. This
girl saw me; said she could feel me and insisted that I spent the night on her floor. She fed
me in the morning and I went to lay out cards. A cop booted me. I went to City Hall, cited
constitutional law and they gave me a free permit.

My “permit” location had no business. I said screw it and jumped down to

Charlottesville; I hitched.

I was camping on Pantops right outside of Charlottesville. There were four, or five
bums who hung there, panhandling at the mall there. They would each pull in $135.00 a
day. They never had any money in the morning because they would pool their money for
a room and a lot of alcohol.

There was this woman who was homeless and staying at the Salvation Army. She came
for a reading; I told her I don’t charge the homeless. Her reading told of relationship
issues. Because of this, she started reviewing her options. She was reviewing guys as
options saying, “ I could go with….” Then She said, “I like John, but he’s out of my
league.” Later that evening John, homeless as well, asked for a reading. During the

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reading, he kept talking about this same woman; how he really liked her, but didn’t think
he had a chance. I choose not to discuss other people readings, but because of what they
both said, I told him that she thought he was out of her league. This made him happily
agitated and he left saying he had to talk to her. Later they came to tell me that they were
now together and were moving in together.

A woman was getting a reading and saying how she didn’t know why she couldn’t
keep a man. Between the cards and her conversation it became evident. She would be
close and nurturing to him until he got close and then her “ego” would say, “Hey wait!
I’m an assertive woman!” and be distant; uncomfortable with the closeness. The guy
wouldn’t know what to think so he’d distance himself. But then she gets close, not to lose
him so she is close than distant then close. He feels like a fish on a hook being pulled in
and let out. It’s like Bill Cosby’s line, ”Here’s is woman:.commer, commer; get away, get
away”

There were four separate times when I am reading a person’s cards and the person
sitting next to them said, “Wait a second! Those are my cards, not hers!” I had the other
person walk away for a minute and have the woman reshuffle. The cards came out right.
Like a woman in Tempe who left issues on the cards, these four people apparently had
issues such that they were “putting out” their vibrations.

Ken; a friend brought a girl to me to read. As I was reading her; She, Ken and I were
discussing what the cards were saying. As the reading went further I got more and more
punch-drunk until I couldn’t talk. I finally begged off and said I had to leave. I sincerely
believe in God. I believe she was meant to be discussing the issue and getting advice, but
not from me, but rather from Ken. I went and saw a movie.

In August to September of 2006; I seem to be getting a lot of readings of people who

have been married, or working the same situation for twenty to thirty years suddenly
saying, “I can’t do this anymore!” They would either leave their mate, or their job and
move on. It was almost like they were living to be “proper”, but reached a point where
they had to think of themselves. It was the issue that God was working through at that
time and making people decide.

I’m camping with some friends one night. A friend can feel energy and he’s holding my
hands. He holds on for about a minute then he let go seeming somewhat disconcerted and
said he knew what my issue was! It was the same as his; it was a tightly coiled issue that
drove me. He felt the need to leave after that. I had been trying to find and resolve my
issues for the past year. I had read tons of spiritual books, searching, probing. I’m trying
to “wake up”. We talked a day later and he said the tightly coiled issue was the pain of
not being accepted, followed by frustration, anger and pain. James Thurber had a great
line. He said, “Every man should learn, before he dies, what he is running to, and from,
and why. I accomplished many things! I’ve sold art pieces, rebuilt cars, built and fixed
computers, taught science as well as raised three beautiful children. Most of the things I
accomplished were not running to a goal, but running away from; I Am A Somebody.

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Jessie Jackson’s line at the 1980 convention: “Everybody sees what Jessie’s running
towards, nobody sees what he’s running from!”

At that same night camping; my friend Charlie started weaving this story. Charlie is
interesting. He feels and sees ghosts and all that. He was telling about being a paramedic
and finding a dead infant in a car crash. Upon hearing this I lost it! I started crying and
wanted to hit him. The strange part is that I have never had a child die (I DON”T WANT
ONE TO!). Charlie said he could feel this sadness around me and it related to a child.

This Doctor who worked at UVA would come to talk to me periodically. He comes with
his wife this time and we’re talking. The wife waved at a woman I knew. She’s a psychic
and I called her over. His wife thought she was someone else, but they hit it off. Their
talking about going to Paris and the psychic mentions how sprint doesn’t work in Europe.
The doctor became very animated and says how they were planning to go to sprint to
extend their service later, but now they knew they had to go elsewhere. Then his wife
says to me how interesting a passing man looked so I called him over. They all hit it off
and I suggested they leave for coffee. They did and three hours later I’m walking to the
bathroom and see them still sitting talking. The next day the doctor returned to give me a
book about UFO’s.

North Carolina

In September of 2006 I got a ride with a friend down to Chapple Hill, North Carolina.
The business strip of Chapple Hill is right across from the University. As a whole, it
seemed more conservative than Charlottesville. Someone who came from there said it
used to be more liberal, but more conservative people moved in. I slept in a hidden spot
by the train tracks. I did business for a week, but I didn’t like it. The night before I left I
sat in a yard with a lawn next to this whole food store. A girl there could “feel” me and
asked me for wisdom. I had none. Then I got into a great conversation with this Sufi
businessman. He, his colleagues and I went through three bottles of wine talking the night
away. Sufi’s are the mystical ones of Islam. They dance to find the ecstasy of God! They
are what the British referred to as “Whirling Dervishes.” The story goes; that when the
Islams invaded India, the Sufis were the ones who found the Hindu Vedas and protected
them. They are a fascinating people.

I left the next day. I took a bus to Raleigh and went to the greyhound station. At the bus
station in Raleigh I met a man who said he was gypsy and was getting a bus to “winter”
in Alaska. I told him I do Tarot cards. He immediately said, “Incense and candles.” I
looked at him funny and he said that is how you sell it. When leaving he said, “I can read
tea leaves, coffee grounds, dominoes” he went on with the list. He closed by saying, “I
may not be right, but I can make it sound real!” I took a greyhound to Wilmington, South
Carolina and hitched down the coast. I stopped at biker bars on the way down doing cards
to make money. It doesn’t matter if you live, or die. As long as you do it in style!

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 Florida
I got to Fort Worth and took local buses to Miami Beach. On the bus I met a retired sea
captain who could feel me. He knew things were coming and he was going to die.

On Lincoln Road There were about twenty, or thirty venders laying out blankets selling
their wares. “Music in the cafes at night and revolution in the air” There was a woman
hanging around the vender next to me. She apparently could feel and give off energy. She
was proudly holding her right hand out to them, as if she were giving energy. (I can’t feel
anything.) I met another reader who had come from New Orleans.

In talking with my middle daughter, she said the teacher recommended a graphing
calculator for a math class, she said she was doing good without it though. I told her I
would try to get her one. I was praying and praying that I could make enough to buy one
for her. I wanted to be able to say that I got it for her because I was her father. They start
at $160.00. I made up to $130.00, but could not get past it. One night something told me
to go to the beach early. I went down and saw a traveler with a pack. I started talking with
him and found myself going into how my daughter needed a graphing calculator and that
I wanted to get it for her. At the end of this spiel I found myself asking, “I don’t suppose
you have one?’ He said, “As a matter of fact, I do.” Surprised I asked, “Would you
consider selling it?” He said, “As a matter of fact I would.” He showed it to me. It was
one over two hundred dollars. He said five, or ten dollars for it, but I gave him forty
dollars and showed him a safe camping spot. Everything you do comes back to you. If I
was cheap, then something would come back cheap to me.

One night the code people came and booted me off. This is the new way. In 2002 the
police would hassle buskers, then the Supreme Court said they couldn’t. So they had the
rent-a-cops harass them, but then they were told they couldn’t. Now they had code kick
you off and if you refuse then you’re arrested for not obeying code. All it meant was I
would get up and find another spot.
Lincoln Road seems to have the highest number of homeless women who loudly argue
to no one while getting food from the trash..

On a lark; I went to Key West for “Fantasy Fest”. I wasn’t impressed; it was a poor
man’s version of Marde Gras. The street peddlers and buskers had a required permit for
the occasion; I sat on the street without one avoiding police. I made money, but left after
one night. The trip back to Miami was in two stages. One bus brought you to a mid point
and a second went from there to Miami. I talked to a man at the stop who had traveled the
world taking cruise ships. He said he just waited for a sale then went on a cruise. When it
got to a particular place he told the guy at the gate that he would be gone for a few days
and would find his own way back He would work at the area until another sale came up
and repeat the process.

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 I didn’t feel like waiting for the next bus and so I went out on the road and hitched.
Five minutes later a state trooper showed up and said he got a call that someone was
hitching. He very nicely told me not to do it. It does, however, sum up how closely Key
West is controlled and regulated.

Back in Miami Beach; two car cops came to me, ordered me up and brought me to their
car. The one cop checked my N.Y. State driver’s license. He started asking me questions
in rapid fire; name, age. Then he said, “How long have you been out?” It is a common
tactic. You ask a series of questions quickly, and then throw the iffy one in. He assumed I
was an ex-convict recently released. I choose not to buy into that game. I said, “I was a
school teacher. I’m homeless because I went through a divorce. I stood up in court and
said, ‘I’m not going to pay her temporary alimony’.” At this the other cop, a beefy black
guy, shouted emphatically,”Good for you!!” He had his fists chest high and clenched.
Everything I said about my divorce after that, he cheered me on. The other cop realized it
was a losing battle and told me to “go about my business.”

One morning I’m having eggs and sausage at Balin’s on the mall. A man at a table next
to me could feel me and asked for a reading. He agreed with me that a change was
coming and said that he would be the one in charge. I commended him and assured him
that I wouldn’t be in charge of anything. Another time a rich guy was passing out twenty
dollar bills to the homeless and he tried to give me one. I told him that I don’t take
charity. He drew back, looked me up and down and said, “Then you’re not homeless!” He
too could feel me and said that he too knew a change was coming. He also claimed he
was going to be the one in charge. I told him I wasn’t.

There was a stabbing of a homeless man on the beach one night. Because of that; the
police were blocking the pathway to my sleeping spot. They confront me and tell me I
can’t go there. They take my name. One of the cops sees the small metal heart I have on
my necklace and laughingly calls out, “Hey! He has a dog tag on his neck!!” I say, “It has
the names of my children. They’re in my heart; they damn well better be on my neck!” At
this the laughing dies down. Why is it always the smallest cop who has to make the
cracks? Never the less; I slept by the river.

I read for a psychic who said she could feel my pain. She put her hand on my heart and
said it dealt with my family.

I came down with a tooth abscess so bad that I had to go to the hospital to be filled with
antibiotics. The right side of my face swelled up. I looked ready for Halloween, which
was the next night. The night was slow, but two days later I ran into my friend Mark, the
alchemist. I asked him what an abscess means. He said, “The right side of the body is
releasing issues. Teeth mean decisions. Upper jaw is usually family and an abscess is
decisions that you haven’t come to terms with!” I went to the library’s Internet and, on a
google search, typed “teeth + decisions.” It brought up a web page listing body parts and
ailments. The list’s source was Louise Hay. It said things like biting the nails meant
denying the self; trying to eat the self up. I printed up the list, put an “x” in front of any
ailment I had and wrote down the meanings. When I was done, it said the same things I

53
had written in a notebook in 2003 and the same things written when Mark interpreted a
dream the year before! All three sources spoke of feelings of inadequacy.

Based on what the psychic said about family, the feelings reflected from the three lists
and just my gut; I decide it was time to go back.

New York
The next day I got local buses to above Palm Springs and hitched north. I was at the
entrance ramp in Jacksonville, Florida at the sign for Savannah going North on a very
windy morning. Three hawks flew above me and all landed on this light, twenty feet
high. Then they all took off and floated above me in a triangular formation with their
wings not moving in the wind. Somehow; I knew that the message was “Go with the
flow.” At the end of the day I am dropped off in the beginning of Georgia. It is still very
windy. There are a whole bunch of crows in the distance. Three break off from them and
fly towards me. Like the hawks, they are floating above me, at the same height in a
triangular formation with their wings still. Again, the message, “Go with the flow.”

The next day I got a ride with a man who was going up to Pennsylvania. He dropped
me off at the Raleigh exit. I called a friend in Raleigh who came and brought me to his
house. The next day he brought me up to Charlottesville. He went up every weekend to
see his daughter. In Charlottesville, I laid out cards and made one hundred and sixteen
dollars. This allowed me to get greyhounds up to New York City. From there I got the
subway from 32nd street to 205th and a local bus to the throughway. I hitched from there
to Schenectady N.Y.

There I saw My Children and told them I planned on getting reestablished. I stayed at
the City Mission and signed up to substitute schools. It is the only way to get into as
school. I brought my kids to my sister’s house for Thanksgiving, which was magnificent.

There after I went to Social Services to get a place while I subbed and was promptly
arrested. I was brought before the Family Court Judge who said I was avoiding Child
support and alimony. I said I had been homeless because they were taking 65% plus 20%
taxes. My ex-wife and her lawyer were there as well. I never paid her lawyer his bill, as I
had been ordered. He was the most incensed! He was saying to the judge, “Your Honor. I
demand you make his bail $41,000.00.” The judge looked at him funny and said, “You do
know that he is homeless?” I was sent to jail for 73 days. I was in a jail cell two miles
from my kid’s house. When I was released the judge said I couldn’t sub school. He
wanted me to get a “regular” job. He told me he would call the City Mission for me and
he let me go. Bureaucrats spend their days building paper monuments to their own
mediocrity!

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 When I first left New York, I told the kids, over the phone, that if I stayed, I’d be
arrested. My ex-wife would tell them (I was told), “No, no! He’s making it up! He won’t
get arrested!” I came back, tried to get reestablished and got arrested!

The City Mission was filled up and they said nobody called. All my belongings from
before jail were thrown out. Social Services put me in a motel until the mission had room.
I was sitting in a motel room planning and getting frantic. I was getting more and more
worried. At eight o’clock I was going to read a book to go to sleep. The book was A
Course in Miracles. I had read it in 2005, but didn’t buy into the second half. Someone
had put a stickum note on one of the pages so when I opened the book, it opened on that
page. On that page started “This is not being done to me, but I am doing this.” I knew
this, but I had forgotten it as I was jailed and threatened. I agree with the psychics that we
manifest everything that happens to us. The wise man steps back and asks, “Why the hell
did I ask for this?”

Once back in the mission, I spent two weeks reacquiring clothes, redoing resumes and
looking for a job. I would spend mornings at the employment agency, or filling out
applications. In the afternoon I would visit my kids

One day I went to the bus stop to go see my kids. I was waiting at a bus stop and it was
bitter cold and the bus was late. I found myself saying “God is there a noble soul who
would stop for me?” Immediately a woman in a white van pulled over and she opened the
door and said, “Oh, I am sorry. I thought I knew you.” I awkwardly said I’m sorry and
she hesitated and said, “Do you need a ride?” I said if your offering and I got in and she
gave me a ride up the hill. To the Kabalists this is perfectly natural. My cry was so
sincere that it rose up from my imagination to my inspirational soul; which is connected
to all the souls of the universe and it filtered down to this woman’s mind. But; her
rational mind could not conceive of stopping for some strange homeless man she did not
know, so she changed her perception and saw me as someone she knew.

After two weeks I enter the Mission from visiting my kids and was told it was my last
day. I said I thought I had thirty days. They answered that I had been there in November
so I only had two weeks. I looked at my options; I could see none! Welfare would have
sent me to another county and I faced more jail if I didn’t find a job. I emailed an
explanation of what happened to my middle daughter so she could tell the other two.
Sooner, or later, necessity makes a hypocrite of us all. I jumped from Schenectady back
to Charlottesville, Virginia.

Virginia

55
 Back in Charlottesville I called my kids, explained the situation to them and said I
would try to get reestablished down here. Jobs all required three references. I asked four
people for recommendations. I started checking into jobs. While waiting I still read tarot
cards.

A friend had a hidden camp site and invited me on. I got an 8x 9 foot tent, a large air
mattress and a storage container that doubled as a coffee table. I left the tent up and kept
my clothes and things in the container. It allowed me to travel with a lighter load. At
night, I would comfortably lay on my mattress with a cigarette and put it out in the
ashtray on my coffee table. I basically had a small apartment with no indoor plumbing.

One morning, in March, I was at the bus stop, by my tent, and I saw a man jump up and
start swearing profusely at a passing plane. As it passed, I see him fall onto the bench and
look at me as he pointed at the plane. He said, “If I had been given knowledge, I could be
flying that!!!” Later in the day a friend sits by me and tells me of a dream he had where
his father is throwing shit at him. Another friend joins us and upon hearing the one dream
tells about his dream of chasing a villain, but not able to get him. During readings; I see
many people dealing with issues of inadequacy. That seems to be the issue that God is
ironing out now. A reoccurring theme I see painted again and again; the feeling of, “not
good enough.”

My friend Burt was telling me about a “New Age” health fair at the Omni. He said it
was only Five dollars. I told him that if I could “manifest” it, I would go. Five minutes
later a woman came for a reading and paid me five bucks, so I went to the Omni’s health
fair. I was seeing “real” and what I consider “not real.” I consider myself Kabala so I
don’t believe in demons (Because it is all God!). Nevertheless; I saw a “Wiccan” Woman
selling these copper snake-like bracelets, saying that they would keep away demons. My
only problem with this is that I have seen in 25 states, these people who don’t even
believe in mystical things, but have had their lives turned upside-down and are
desperately grasping at anything that can give them hope. They would come sit by me
and tell me their problem and I would get rational and try to give suggestions. A woman
who told me one year about her husband leaving, the next year said she paid this woman
who said demons took her husband, but if she paid, the woman could get him back. I
would wager that at this fair;, there was, no doubt, someone were had their life turned
around. There, they would find this woman saying,” But of course the problem is
demons, but if you buy these bracelets at $99.99 it will keep the demons away!”

At the same fair I saw this woman at one of the displays. Talking to her, my “gut”, I
said you had something bad happen to you. She said she saw her infant son run over by a
truck as he was coming to hug her. At this I lost it and left quickly crying. Talking with a
friend a few days later, he and I came to the conclusion that it was a sadness not of this
life, but a previous one. A sadness of guilt.

In March, it seemed like every third, or fourth person passing by could feel others
emotions. I asked one kid what it was he was feeling and he said, “It feels like the
thoughts and feelings of everybody in the universe.” I asked if they were coming

56
together, or going apart; he said, “A little bit of both.” And there it is. Some people like
an old Navaho chant translated, “There will come a point where everyone will become
aware of each other and start unifying into one. Others; unable to let go of their bitterness
start throwing their issues out there, “And I will never forget” and “The Jews killed
Jesus.”

Some friends were driving to Virginia Beach. I was bored so I asked them if I could go.
They welcomed me and I read cards there. Coming back they were low on gas and they
went to a shopping mall to panhandle (I didn’t). As we enter the mall, I see a crow sitting
on the roof above the door and it caws. I said to John that there might be trouble. As I
sitting, I see security walk up to them and kick them out. Driving down the road they pull
into a gas station out of gas. They panhandle there and the owner called the cops. Then I
see six crows land around the van and I freaked. I got my bag and left them and hitched
down the road. They told me later that the cops came and checked IDs and gave them
gas. I apparently wasn’t supposed to be there.

I had a star man drawing on my bag that I had got from a kid coming up from Mexico.
He didn’t know what it meant. A retired art professor said it was the lost soul, man in
transition, an Aztec symbol. A psychic woman who had been to the Mexican temples said
she was told it meant shape-shifter. Looking up the Aztec gods, the only one who seemed
to fit was Xolotl (Jo-lo-tol). He was the twin brother of Quetzalcoatl. He transported the
dead; he was a shape-shifter and the first shaman. He kept the sun safe when it was in the
darkness. He also dragged Venus across the sky at night. The strangeness of this that
these same traits also fit the Greek god Hermes and the Egyptian god Horus. They too
had ties to Venus, as did the Knights Templar’s who worshiped her. A friend who is “out
there” says Venus is where supposedly the “star people” come from.

There were musicians playing on the mall. One of them, Zeb, broke his guitar string
and another musician named Gary gave him a replacement. I immediately butted in and
told Zeb he had to give him something for it. Gary was saying, “No, no man. Don’t worry
about it.” I countered, “No! It’s karma! He can pay up front for it, or have something else
come back and bit him in the ass down the road, but either way he pays!” Zeb gave him
something. It is a sincere belief, “Everything you do comes back to you, everything you
say comes back to lay, every lie you tell comes back to dwell!”

I got two recommendations and was waiting on the third when I had a stroke. For about
a month before I had been having dizzy spells and nausea. I spent five days in UVA
hospital and 20 days in a rehabilitation center and returned to my tent with a cane. At first
I would show people how to clean the tarot deck (my left hand didn’t work well), I could
only write ten lines on paper, the coffee house had to bring my coffee out and a girl had
to put a ponytail in my hair. Over a period I relearned how to shuffle, could write a page,
bring the coffee out myself and just recently do my own ponytail and go without the
cane.

In August to September the issue seemed to be being appreciated. A fourteen-year-old

sat down for advice. He said he had anger-management problems. He said there were

57
certain people walking all over him and there was a girl, but she didn’t notice him. At this
point I said, “You mean that you’re not being appreciated?” and he loudly said, “That’s
it!!” At which I pointed out that they were not mind readers and he really should tell
people what he feeling. Many people were discussing issues about being appreciated.

I had promised myself I would wait until November 1st trying to get established. After
that I was going to jump to Miami, but something was telling me not to. Then a friend
came up from Miami and said not to go there. They were arresting all the homeless. I
checked into it and it was true. I planned instead to go to St. Petersburg; I even had a ride.
Then; in the middle of December a writer I knew was nagging me to start writing a book.
I thought about it and decide to stay and type. This book is the result. My life continues,
but I decided to end the story at this point.

“If you saw Atlas, the giant who holds the world on his shoulders, if you
saw that he stood, blood running down his chest, his knees buckling, his
arms trembling but still trying to hold the world aloft with the last of his
strength, and the greater his efforts the heavier the world bore down on his
shoulders- what would you tell him to do?”
“I….don’t know. What…. Could he do? What would you tell him?”
“To shrug.”
Ayn Rand- Atlas Shrugged

What is and what is

(Are not the same thing)

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When Martin Luther posted his 95 theses on the Württemberg church door complaining
of indulgences, it was only because people had read the bible that they agreed. Earlier
Guttenberg had invented the printing press. Forty years before a cheap method of making
paper came about. The first thing printed were bibles in the common tongue. The church
was aghast! The common man wasn’t fit to read the bible! They wanted them to go to the
church to hear the priests read it to them. If they had not read the bibles, they would have
gone to their priests to ask what Luther meant and the priest would have said he was
crazy and not to worry about it. Because they had read the bibles it became the seed of
the reformation. Everything connects to everything connects to everything else! Before
paper people used expensive parchment. It would have been economically unfeasible to
produce bibles. Guttenberg wasn’t thinking of paper or bibles when he produced the
printing press. The people producing the bibles had no intention of changing the world,
but the new technology allowed a vision to go forward. All the pieces came together at
the right time to cause a change in the world!

Arch Duke Ferdinand of Austria was shot dead by a Serbian as his car went past. It
sparked off World War One. However; Ferdinand was never meant to be on that street.
An Aid got sick and in an act of nobility, Ferdinand insisted on bringing him to the
hospital. The Serbian had no way of planning, but saw him and reacted. The odds of it
happening are astronomical, but it fell in place.

These two events lead to two points. The first you can argue, the second one you can’t.
The one you can’t argue is that great change occurs not because of thunderous noise, but
because of little tiny whispers! You’re walking down the street. You pass a man
contemplating suicide. All he needs to make up his mind is a smile, or a sneer from you!
That man could go on to invent something great; he could go on to get a gun and shoot up
a store; all depending on your facial expression. Change your brand of toilet paper and
there is a good chance that yours is enough to cause someone to get laid off. Everything
you do have tremendous effects on the world. There is a description of Chaos Theory that
says a butterfly flapping its wings in Peking today can cause a thunderstorm in New York
two months from now. Every breath you take can be enough to tip the scales to
dramatically alter the level of gases like carbon Dioxide, or Oxygen, or change the flow
of air currents resulting in a storm.

The second point is a question that has no resolution. Was it chance, or was it meant to
be. If all existence is an ocean with currents, streams of movements and tsunamis; do we
say it is all random, or planned? Chaos Theory would say that the randomness has an
order even though we can’t see it. If that is so; then is it free will, or predermination?
And; if it is predetermination this would imply that somewhere there is something
predetermining; a game master!

There is a story called Appointment at Samara. It a servant telling his master that he
saw death in the marketplace and he goes into hiding in Samara. The master goes and

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confronts death and asks him about it. Death says he’s sorry, but he was just surprised to
see him; He had an appointment with him tonight in Samara.

I believe everything is meant to be! This is not a new idea. It has been argued since
before the Greeks. It has been argued by St. Augustine and John Calvin. Ralph Waldo
Emerson in “Self Reliance” wrote, “The eye was placed where one ray should fall where
it might testify of that particular ray. The concept that everything happens for a reason
and fits so nicely together.

Consider: Thomas Edison, if he were a child today, would be classified as learning

disabled. His mother was a sufferette at a time when that was quite odd. His father was a
Swedenborg Mystic. He himself skipped school and jumped freight trains. If he were a
child today, they would take him out of the house; place him, by the courts, in a school
where they would take one look at him at say “My God! That there boy is hyper!” and
load him up on Ritalin. The same is true of others. Einstein if a child today would be
labeled Aspergers. Churchill would be listed as Bi-polar; as would George Washington
(that’s why he kept pot plants), Abraham Lincoln (though if I had his wife I’d be bi-polar
too), Martin Luther and Aristotle. When they were down they were miserable, but when
they were up, God did they shine. Most of history’s achievers would be labeled as
disabled today.

It leads to an interesting idea. Jean Piaget, the psychologist, said that a child learns by
assimilation (taking in ideas) and accommodating (changing ideas). A little boy points to
a tree and says what’s that. The father says tree. The little boy goes pointing at anything
green saying tree and the father says no, that’s grass and the boy has to change his
thinking. This taking in of information and changing ideas is not only true of individuals,
but civilizations as well. Pick out any journal and go through the articles over time. You’ll
see most of the articles are by people who make micro-steps in advancement saying this
is the way it is. They are the assimilators. They do not discover anything new; only refine
what is considered as fact. Then; you’ll see those making quantum leaps in understanding
and proving it. They are the accommodators. They change the thinking of what is
possible. When Tesla invented the AC Motor, everyone said before, it couldn’t be done.
When Einstein proved light could travel as a particle it upset the beliefs of the day. Most
of the great actions were made by people who were surrounded by people who said it
couldn’t be done. When Churchill took charge of England, everyone assumed that
England’s situation was hopeless. The people like Churchill followed Shaw’s Axiom;”
some men see things that are and ask why. I see things that never were and ask why not.”
They saw dragons where others saw windmills. And more than likely, they would be
labeled learning disabled. There was a book in the 1980’s called Indigo Children where
the author said we have many children labeled ADHD. She said perhaps there is a reason
we are seeing so many. There are many psychics and sensitives on the Internet saying that
vibrations are changing, the earth is going to change and the “indigo children” are being
sent here to help us accommodate down the road. To help us conceive of new
possibilities.

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 I believe the earth is going to change! I always taught inner city. There comes a point
where you can stand outside the school in the morning and “feel” a fight in the air. I
called it my “gut”. I’m told that cops who handle crowd control can do the same thing.
My gut was always right; I would be on the right floor of the right wing, see a fight and
do my Tarzan dive. In October of 1999 my gut said a “hunger” would come and the
closest I could put it into words was the line from the movie NETWORK where a
Howard Beale would say “I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take it anymore” Because
of that I have believed since then that there would be a collapse of some kind. I would
say it in 25 states and most would say I was crazy, until January of 2006. Then; everyone,
including cops in Miami, would say, “You know, I think you’re right”. Of course, what
happened by then? Pakistan had new real estate because of earthquakes; Guatemala had
cemeteries where once they had cities because of mudslides; New Orleans got a real good
washing. I worked New Orleans; it needed a good washing! Since then we have had a
tornado in Kansas ten times the normal size.

Because of this feeling; I have researched everything. The Mayan calendar says that
December 21st on 2012 we are going to go from the 5th world to the 6th; a time of
humanity. The Hindu calendar said that there are four ages; a golden age, a silver age, a
Bronze Age and the lowest and dirtiest age that we’re in now, the Iron Age. However;
from 2007 to 2010 we are going to cycle back to the golden age; a time when mind and
body are one; a time of humanity. Astrologers have spoke for 30 years about the Age of
Aquarius. You’ve heard the songs. We are leaving the age of Pisces; an age where people
tell you what to do and are entering the Age of Aquarius; a time of humanity. We will be
firmly in Aquarius in 2013. Funny how all the dates are so near each other. The Hopis are
saying that we are leaving the 4th age and entering the 5th; The Buddhists are saying the
wheel of Dharma is about to turn; The Islamic have all these prophesies about a leader
who will fight the infidels and the Christians have all these prophesies that are coming
true.

In 2004, as I traveled, every 2 months, someone would come past me doing cards and
give me this deer in the headlights look. Trusting my intuition, I would say, “your
psychic, you can feel me”; they would say yes and we would talk. In 2005 it would be
every month; in 2006, every 2 weeks; in 2007, in March, every third, or four person could
feel me. I asked one kid what he could feel. He said the feelings of everyone. I asked if
the feelings are coming together, or going apart and he said a little bit of both. So there
we have it. Some people are starting to “feel”, like the old Navaho chant that translated
says that there will come a point when men become aware of each other and start
unifying into one. Others, unable to lose their issues start putting them out there, “And I
will never forget!”, or “The Jews killed Jesus.” This is similar to the Hindu prophecy; that
we will cycle to an age when mind and body are one, a time of humanity. Perhaps there
are people who you know who will confide that they are aware of other’s feelings.

From what I have written so far, I would say that the Earth is “mad as hell and not
going to take it anymore”. Bush has us in Afghanistan, Iraq, he wants to go to Iran (my
God; He can’t get along with anybody). People all around the world are “mad as hell and

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not going to take it anymore”. I still believe that things are about to change. I believe that
Centuries before, God talked to everyone and said something is going to happen. The
Islamics heard it and said “I understand God” and twisted it to fit their religion as did the
Christians who twisted it to fit their religion as did all the religions twist the message to
fit their ideology and I suspect that none of them got the message right. Listening to the
“sensitives” I get the feeling that God is raising everyone to a higher level, where it is a
time of humanity, but God doesn’t want any issues up there. So he is having everyone
work through their issues.

There is a line in Emerson’s Self Reliance “Have you ever had the shame of reading
something and saying I thought of that”. I would wager that for every idea, there are
maybe a million people who think of it. A thousand who look into it. A hundred who
really look into it and ten who beat it to death and one who comes up with the answer.
Tesla almost died of a fever as a teenager, but he survived. If he had died would we still
his magnificent work? Yes we would because there were nine other guys in the wings
working on the same thing. Edison almost died as a child falling off a freight train, but he
was caught. If he died, would we not have his 6000 inventions? Yes we would because of
nine other guys.

Why do we see always nine other guys, because of information. When I was in school,
they talked of the Fertile Crescent. Man went from hunting to farming and so had time to
make hisself a civilization. The more currant view is crossroads. It is not what they did,
but where they were. There were people going through from every direction, each leaving
an idea. Over time, hundreds of years, two ideas are put together to make a new idea. It
starts with a need, a question and an idea from a new source to get an idea of a solution,
an answer. The time it takes to answer a question may be centuries, Guttenberg invents
the printing press and new ideas are shared, the time gets shorter. As radio comes, then
TV and the Internet, the space between asking a question and the answer gets shorter. In
1978 a science book was good for 15 years before it was out of date; in the 1990’s it was
5.years. Now; as soon as it comes out it is out it is old. It has been called the Information
singularity. If we graph the time it takes to ask a question and get an answer, we would
see a graph that is almost horizontal in ancient times, but rises with every innovation in
communication. In current times this graph is almost vertical. What happens when it is
vertical, when you get an answer as soon as you ask a question? This is called the
information singularity. There are those who claim it will be in 2012.

There was a man named Terrence McKenna who was fascinated, among other things,
with computers and the I Ching. The I Ching has been called Chinese fortune telling. It is
made up of 64 possible arrangements of six yin (submissive), or yang (strength) lines. He
wrote a computer program using the 64 arrangements. It formed a long graph that
abruptly ended. Where the graph went down was “novelty”, or change such as war, or
inventions. Where it went up was going back to routine. He claimed that, using the graph,
He could accurately show historical events such as World War II, or a glacial retreat, or
such. Before his death, he was told of the Mayan Calendar and went back and checked

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the graph. The time ratios seemed to fit, so where it ended, he put December 21st, 2012;
the same as the Mayan Calendar.

Is civilization’s mind having things placed at the right time and place almost as a
curriculum so we advance a certain way and we are now nearing graduation?

What is and what is are not the same thing! It is all a matter of perspective! Go on any
street. The meanest dog is not the one barking. The meanest is sitting quietly; he knows
he can eat you for lunch. The dog barking is the tiny Chihuahua, striking out before
someone strikes at him. Apply this to people. A kid goes down the street being loud. All
the onlookers think that is the mean kid. They don’t understand that the mean kid is
walking five steps behind, laughing at his friend’s stupid behavior. The loud kid is
actually someone small trying to feel bigger by being loud. The woman who is proud of
her attitude is someone striking out so as to not get hurt. See things as they are! You’re in
the woods and see a shadow. Because it is late, your mind conjures up everything and you
leave. Thereafter, anytime you go to that spot in the woods you have fear. A little child
sees a man with a moustache come quickly and it frightens him. Thereafter; anytime he
sees a man with a moustache he gets scared. This is true with all of our fears.

We do this with all of our fears and not just of the tangible. Our harshest critic is
ourselves. We worry about what others think. We have a fear of being judged because of
situations in the past that bred envy, or bitterness. We appraise ourselves by how others
look at us. Rate our status by our accolades (job, smiles, bedding a partner), climb behind
labels (teacher)..At the base of it who are we?

Then there are those who call their fear; ladies who feel ugly are more likely to criticize
other ladies negatively; men who feel that their not smart referring to others as stupid. On
the other side; the beautiful woman who has issues keeping a man because she is never
sure if he loves her, or just wants a pretty girl. The guy who is a good fighter, but is never
sure if his friend is only around because he can fight.

It causes us to remember some things and forget others; to change our memory. If you
doubt this ask a friend you shared a memory with to write the memory down. It will
sound different from yours. We do this with all our memories; twist them. We make
assumptions on our memories and make decisions from our assumptions and then wonder
why our decisions lead to error. There was a TV show in the nineties called “Thirty
Something.” There was an episode where two couples go to dinner and one couple has a
fight at the restaurant. The whole rest of the show they replay the scene from everyone’s
memory. With the stable couple, the husband remembers the waitress as old and plump
and the husband being polite. The wife remembers the waitress as young, voluptuous and
the husband openly flirting. They both changed their memories to fit their assumptions.

The Tibetans say there are no demons except of our own making. They are talking
about issues. They have a person meditate and say let the memories come up, but realize

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they are only memories they cannot hurt you and to look at them without emotion. If you
can do this then you will see the memory transform into what it really is. It is like the
four-year-old boy terrified of the monster in the closet. Until the day that he decides to
confront the monster and throws open the door. To his shock, he realizes that the monster
he feared so much is nothing, but the shadow of the hanger moving back and forth. It is
all illusion. There was a fifty-year-old woman who told me how she had an older brother
who always teased her. Even as an adult when she went to visit her mother he would
answer the door and say “oh God, it’s you” and it would ruin her feelings for the week. It
wasn’t until I said, “don’t you wonder about some guy over fifty and still living with his
mother? Don’t you wonder about an older brother who feels so small that he has to hit his
sister?” She looked at me like she was in shock. She had never looked at him that way.
His abuse from a young age caused her to look at him with terror. Such it is with many of
our misconceptions and fears. It is all an illusion.

You cannot trust the past, nor can you trust the future. You cannot know the future; you
can only anticipate. But I guarantee you that nothing that comes your way is ever as good
as you hope, or as bad as you feared. Which is worse? A soldier going straight into battle,
or having three days to think about it. Having time to think about it will allow his
imagination to think the worst. Which is better? A planned-for party or a spontaneous
one. There are people who say if only I can get this, but when they get it, it is never as
good as what they were hoping for. They have it for 20 minutes and then say, “Oh, this
isn’t it “It is all wants and perceptions and anticipations. We put ourselves down because
we anticipate something that we want, but. nothing we get is ever as good as what we
anticipated.

Psychics say there is no past, there is no future. There is only now; be happy! In more
logical terms, you cannot trust the past, it is twisted. You cannot trust the future, you
always anticipate wrong. All you have is now! People spend half of their time dwelling
on the past, the other half worrying about the future. The more we worry about
consequence the less we’re happy. If they just focus on now then they will indeed be
happy!

************
If you want to know where you are going, look where you have been. Everything you
have been through has been preparing you for what you are to go through. Every lessen,
every person for good and bad, has been training you; preparing you for the future;
shaping you to react a certain way. And every person you have met has been trained and
shaped to react a certain way to you, for good, or bad to train you to handle a situation a
certain way as they have been trained and shaped by their experiences you a certain way.
And the people who trained and shaped them were trained and shaped by others. It
becomes like a wave insidiously moving and penetrating through a group causing the
spread of a certain emotion a man is in a good mood. Someone swears at him which puts
him in a bad mood. He goes to the next person and gives a bad mood to them because he
is feeling anger.

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 Likewise; if you want to know where someone is going reason where they are coming
from. Everybody you deal with has been dealing with countless other personalities;
countless other issues.

Two sides of the brain handle speech. One side handles talking; the other side handles
automatic phrases like “I’m fine.” and swearing. This is why you see brain damaged
people who can’t talk, but can swear. Watch people going down the street and listen to
them. They walk focused on their issues, using their peripheral vision to identify and
having automatic responses to conversation. You say, “Good Morning.” They respond,
“Good Morning.” If you’re dressed well you get one response; if you look like a bum you
get another. They assume what you are, draw subconscious evaluations and give
automatic responses; all while dwelling on their issues. For that reason, do not buy into
anyone’s assumptions. The book The Four Agreements by Miguel Ruiz tells of warriors
who live by four agreements; be impeccable with your word, don’t assume, don’t take it
personal and do your best. Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius said, “The happiness of
your life depends on the quality of your thoughts” ”You have power over your mind, not
outside events” “your life is what your thoughts make it.” You never play someone else’s
game. If they give you an attitude and you give one back, then they own you. You cannot
control what someone else says, or think; you can only control what you say and think.

Kabala

Even the atheist, in the closet of his soul, calls out to something when disturbed. When
I say this to people most say, “Well yea, but I don’t call it God.” What it boils down to is
that they believe in something, but they have been so turned off by the institution of
religion that they abhor the use of the name “God”.

I was raised Roman Catholic, but I never believed that God was some guy sitting on a
cloud looking down on us. Rather, I believed that God was an energy, either both male
and female, or neither and that God was spirit and everywhere. I read everything and
come across the Kabala. The Kabala points out that in the bible, in the original Hebrew,
where it says, “I am that I am”; the first I am is masculine, the second is feminine. God is
both, but the idea of attaching testicles and vagina to God is ludicrous. Rather it is a
feminine energy, a masculine energy. The Kabala says that you are God! Lest you think
that you are all that; understand the brick is God, the air is God, The crap in the toilet is
God. Lest you think you are better than anybody else, understand that the guy near you is
God, as is the woman, as is everybody and everything is God. A girl said upon hearing
this that it would make you rather self-centered. To this I said the established view seems
to say to people “Put your head down. You think that you are special?’ Kabala says that
you are special, but so is everything else, because it is God!

And God is learning! In the Book Conversations with God by Neal Donald Walsh, it is
perhaps phrased best; He said that God knew everything conceptually, but wanted to

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understand everything experientially. God wanted to know what it is to drive a sword into
a man’s body; God wanted to know the pain of it going in. And when it is all done they
go back to God where he says, “That was one hell of a performance you both gave! What
did you learn?” God wanted to know what it was to be a reprehensible pedophile
violently raping an infant child, God wanted to know the abject horror that child felt; and
when it is all done they go back to God where he says, “I know you suffered. What did
you learn?” Twenty-five years ago, a Jewish friend asked the rhetorical question that
every Jew has asked since the end of World War II. How can God be a loving God and let
six million Jews die in the concentration camps? The answer I would give now that I
didn’t have then is that he/she had to show us how despicable we can be and as to the
people who died…They didn’t die, their bodies died, but they went back to God. “Good
Job!”

Reading about the Kabala, it was not the case of embracing the Kabala. Rather, it was
feeling that it was what I already believed and taking the labels off of it and using it
myself.

The Kabala says that your soul is in four parts. The lowest part of your soul is reality,
which doesn’t exist. If you talk to a physicist, he’ll tell you that if you stop the electrons
moving, you’ll will not see a building, or chair, or anything. It is only the electrons
moving that creates the impression of substance because the space between the nucleus
and the electron is so vast that if the electrons aren’t moving then all you’ll see is space.
You would walk through walls because the space between your atoms and the wall’s
atoms is so vast. Above reality is your imagination; so much more real and rich. Above
that is your inspirational soul where ideas seem to come from nowhere, or you know a
loved one is sick miles away. It is what Paul Coelho in the Alchemist referred to “the soul
of the world”; a place where all the souls are connected. We get into the writings of Carl
Jung with Synchronicity or collective conscienceless. We get into the work on the
paranormal done at Stanford, or Duke University. Above this is God because you’re a
part of God and God is part of you.

To the Kabalist, reality is an illusion. In the bible; when an angel comes and gets a man
out of jail with no one seeing, is it because the angel shows him the truth? There is no
jail!

I was in Schenectady, NY in February of 2007. I was waiting at a bus stop and it was
bitter cold and the bus was late. I found myself saying “God is there a noble soul who
would stop for me?” Immediately a woman in a white van pulled over and she opened the
door and said, “Oh, I am sorry. I thought I knew you.” I awkwardly said I’m sorry and
she hesitated and said, “Do you need a ride?” I said if your offering and I got in and she
gave me a ride up the hill. To the Kabalists this is perfectly natural. My cry was so
sincere that it rose up from my imagination to my inspirational soul; which is connected
to all the souls of the universe and it filtered down to this woman’s mind. But; her
rational mind could not conceive of stopping for some strange homeless man she did not
know, so she changed her perception and saw me as someone she knew.

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 I still believe in Jesus; quite sincerely, but I don’t see him as the established church sees
him. Rather I see him as a man who discovered God within himself. There is an
interesting book called The Changing Faces Of Jesus. Where he makes an interesting
point. He said that if you went to a Jew at the time of Jesus, or Moses, Or Abraham, or
now and said “are you the son of God?” They would have said “Of course! I am the son
of God, She is the daughter of God, we are the children of God!” It was the Greeks who
had this idea of Zeus coming down the mountain and diddling with a woman and making
Apollo. But; Zeus was out there and Apollo is out there so you could never be an Apollo
because Apollo is out there. The earliest copies of the New Testament were Greek. I can
almost hear Paul saying” Look; it’s no different from Zeus and Apollo; God comes down
and diddles with Mary and makes Jesus, but Jesus is out there” If the Jews were to accept
a messiah they wouldn’t see him as someone who comes from out there because the Jews
believe God is everywhere. One of their holidays, Sukkut, even says that; where they
wave reeds saying God is everywhere. I contend that if the Jews were to accept a messiah
they would see him as someone who discovered God within himself; what the psychics
call a “Christ- consciousness”. Indeed; the Gospel of Thomas says, “The kingdom of God
is not found in buildings of brick and stone, but within you.” This is one of the Gospels
not found in the New Testament. In 325 Bishop Clement of Alexandria went through all
the Gospels and picked out the four that best supported the ideas of the Christen church at
that time. This is what was presented to the council of Nicene and approved and that was
what became the New Testament. There were other christen beliefs. The pelagians
believed that every man could talk to God; The Essense and Gnostic groups believed in a
more mystical concept. These and others were stomped out by the church.

The Cards

The earliest evidence of Tarot cards is in Florence, Italy in 1395. Europe, in certain
cities, felt the effects of the Crusades, of Guttenberg with his printing press and of new
learning. Florence, the southern part of France and Jerusalem became hotbeds of
discussion. It is like a line in a Bob Dylan song: “there was music in the cafes at night
and revolution in the air”. They saw the birth of the Priory of Scion, The Knights
Templar, the Kabala and the tarot. At first; it was speculated that the Gypsies brought the
tarot, but that was discounted. Around the 1900s it was noted that the cards seem to have
a great deal of Kabala in them and that part of them seem to follow the tree of life, the
backbone of Kabala. The Kabala has been called Jewish Mysticism (but many faiths
studied it).

I believe the Knights Templers made the Tarot. Only because I can’t imagine some
rabbi sitting in his study thinking King, Queen, Knight, and Page. I can imagine a knights
Templar thinking King, Queen Knight, page. Besides; they were fascinated by the
Kabala. They were soldiers, hence swords. They were the first bankers, hence pentacles.
They quietly ran many projects (wands) and they were men of passion, which are cups.
This makes the cards become logical: Ace of Swords- To declare war; Two- it could go

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either way; three- stormy weather for the emotions; four- someone dies (but death is but
in between lives); Five- a struggle to win; Six-(after a war go home) a journey.

Cards are in two groups; the major arcana and miner arcana. Arcana means secret.
Playing cards come from the miner arcana. Instead of King, Queen, Jack, and ten down to
Ace; it goes King, Queen, Knight, Page and ten down to Ace. Where playing cards use
spades; tarot cards have swords; Clubs become wands; hearts become cups and diamonds
are coins, or pentacles. The major arcana are 22 cards, the same number of as in the
letters of the Hebrew alphabet. Looking at the Tree of life, the major arcana seem the
follow its sequence. The fool (0) is to make a choice; The Magician (1) is to see the
possibilities and so on ending with the World (21) to get everything you wanted. But; we
never get everything we want so let’s just say your wish is fulfilled.

My favorite card is The Magician. I like Eden Gray’s definition the best. To see
doorways where others see walls, to see pathways where others see obstacles because the
Magician knows that obstacles are made to be overcome! We should all be a Magician!

My second favorite is The Devil. It means a bondage to the material, but this makes
perfect sense if you believe in any kind of afterlife at all because; you take nothing with
you. Like the lady who got buried in her Cadillac. I bet you we can dig the car up and
find the car, her dead body and the dead dog; you take nothing with you! So, if you spent
your life thinking only about the fast car, or 700 dollar clothes and never learn to reach to
another human being with your heart, then when you die; you have no eyes to see, no
ears to hear, or skin to touch, or be touched, perhaps surrounded by countless beings and
having no means to communicate with them, or they you; because you have never
learned the skill. When Jesus Christ in the Christen bible says “: love thy neighbor as you
love thyself”, he isn’t saying it for your neighbor’s sake. He is saying for your own!

My third favorite is the fool. To explain it we have to define faith. When Jesus said, “If
you have the faith of a mustard seed,” he meant to believe. The way we use faith today is
we say have faith, plan religiously, wring our hands and whine when it doesn’t work out.
To believe is like walking across the ground, we know it’s solid. Faith is like walking
across a rickety bridge, people tell us it’s solid, but we still take each step gingerly. We
have faith in God and believe in Black Holes. However; Black Holes are a Mathematical
construct to explain errors in relativity, we have no absolute proof that they exist. Far
better to say that we believe in God and have faith in Black Holes. Thus enters The Fool.
It is a description that I read on the Internet. It describes the fool, standing on a cliff with
one foot hanging over the cliff about to jump. There is a dog barking to his left. He has a
bag on a stick over his shoulder. The description says the dog is his rational mind saying
“What are you doing, get away from there!!!” The bag is all of his knowledge tucked
safely behind him as he jumps because he believes he won’t fall. This is what Jesus was
talking about. It is what Wiccan’s mean when they “manifest”. It is what Christen
Scientists meant when they say you can pray yourself to health and wealth. To believe
strong enough to have it come so.

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 The ten of swords means a total defeat, however; there is no such thing as a total defeat.
St. Augustine said I learn nothing from my achievements, everything from my failures;
nothing from the easy times, everything from the hard. Everything is a learning
experience. The pain a soldier has dying on the battlefield is in actuality no different that
the pain felt by a two year old stubbing his toe; there is no point in comparison. It is all
your perspective.

The Ace of Wands means to start a new project, but I tell Ladies that ladies consider
men as a project; it is what they mean by workable materials.

The Queen of Pentacles reversed seems to be loved by many black and Hispanic
women. It means to be sexy, sensuous, earthy, and materialistic with an attitude.

The Hanged man means a change in life style. Something that I have been though three
times

Below I give Superficial meanings of the cards. It is by no means anywhere complete.

For a better source I would recommend the writings of Eden Gray. What follows is
somewhat like the meanings I found myself giving to fit the flow of the reading. Included
as well is a very superficial explanation of the I Ching.

Definitions:

MINOR ARCANA (Arcana means secrets)

SWORDS - Communication, or conflict. (But, good

communication is conflict. Pride and Prejudice, good verbal
battle.) Swords also mean change.

Ace ­ To go on a new direction, rev ­ the beginning of trouble.

Two ­ Things could go either way, rev ­ and go the wrong way.

Three ­ Stormy weather for the emotions, rev ­ sadness.

Four ­ To be in between, either relationships, literally death, but death is nothing 
but between life, jobs, rev ­ to see new directions are possible.

Five ­ To be in a struggle that you win. Rev ­ that you lose.

Six ­ To take a journey, of the mind or body. Rev ­ To feel stuck in one place and 

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to be going in circles.

Seven ­ To steal. To do the impossible, something everyone else says that can't 
be done and to succeed. To steal success from the jaws of defeat. Rev ­ To do 
the impossible, and not succeed. Beating a dead horse.

Eight ­ To be held in bondage. Anything confining. Rev ­ to be released from 
bondage.

Nine ­ Sadness and misery. Rev ­ sadness.

Ten ­ A total defeat. (There's no such thing as a total defeat. St. Augustus line: I 
learn nothing from my achievements, everything from my failures, nothing from 
the easy times, everything from the heart.)

Page ­ Can mean, a child, or a messenger, a message really. A message of 
change. Rev ­ a message about a problem or negative change.

Knight ­ Knights deal with things. To deal with. Can also be a young child or 
man. Not often but can be. To deal with change. You are going on a magnificent 
adventure. Rev ­ To deal with negative change, or a nightmare.

Queen ­ A woman whose quick, very smart, very good at talking. Rev ­ all of the 
above with an attitude.

King ­ Same exact thing, a man who is very smart, very quick and good at 
talking. Rev ­ and he'll do anything he has to to get what he needs.

RODS - Rods mean growth.

Ace ­ The beginning of a new project. (Keep in mind, women look at guys as a 
project.) Rev ­ obstacles in starting a new project.

Two ­ Working a project. Rev ­ obstacles in working on a project.

Three ­ Almost done with the project. You can see you ship coming in. Rev ­ 

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obstacles in a project that is almost done.

Four ­ Festival. Party. Because your ship has come in. Rev ­ good, not as good 
as it could be, but good.

Five ­ What happens when you have a party, because you have all this stuff that 
other's don't. You have a struggle. Anything worthwhile is a struggle. College, 
work. etc. Rev ­ A bad struggle.

Six ­ You completed your project magnificently. Rev ­ you have obstacles and 
completed a project.

Seven ­ You have everything you need to overcome every obstacle and achieve 
every goal. Rev ­ but you hesitate. (Because you're unsure of yourself or because 
you're waiting for the opportune moment.)

Eight ­ You're achieving all your goals. Rev ­ you have obstacles in achieving 
your goals.

Nine ­ You are prepared for anything. Because you've battled everything he's 
prepared. Rev ­ You're not prepared for everything coming your way.

Ten ­ As soon as you've accomplished everything, what do you have? A heavy 
load. Habits, issues, or responsibilities. Rev ­ to drop a load, habits, etc... (You 
throw your hands up and say enough already and drop a load.)

Page ­ A message of growth. A message of a new doorway. A message of a 
new opportunity. Rev ­ A message that an opportunity may disappear or close 
up.

Knight ­ Dealing with growth. You are involved in many things. Either that or 
you're running around with your head cut off. Rev ­ Dealing with problems. 
They're not problems, you deal with them every day but they're becoming 
problems.

Queen ­ Very organized. She has all her priorities in row. Rev ­ with an attitude.

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King ­ Very organized, he has all his priorities in a row. Rev ­ Either arrogant or 
self assures. So organized that you think you're all that.

CUPS - Cups mean emotion.

Ace ­ to begin something you love. Rev ­ You can't begin something you love.

Two ­ Dealing with a friend, either dealing or making a friend. Rev ­ issues within 
a friendship.

Three ­ A gathering. A formal gathering, school or work, or informal, like with 
friends. Rev ­ Issues within a gathering.

Four ­ You don't know what you want. Rev ­ You look at all your options and pick 
one and aim for it.

Five ­ Sadness and regret over something lost. Rev ­ You're looking for things 
that make you happy.

Six ­ Thinking of family. Or dealing with family. Rev ­ Looking in new directions.
(WITH ALOT OF THE SUITS, FOUR FIVE AND SIX, USUALLY ARE GOING TO 
BE ONE CHOICE THAT HAPPENS AND ANOTHER CHOICE THAT HAPPENS 
AND THE CONSEQUENCES FOR EACH.)
Seven ­ After you're looking in new directions, there's coming a point where you 
aren't satisfied. You let your imagination go wild, or you become psychic. The fine 
line. Rev ­ You stop your daydreaming, and focus on goals. Or stop being 
psychic.

Eight ­ After you have the girl, the family and daydreaming. Eight is that you 
seek a deeper level of happiness. Rev ­ You're settling.

Nine ­ After you get all this and see a deeper level of happiness. Nine is to be 
content. Rev ­ To be in excess, to be doing something too much. Or obsessing or 
worrying, anything that is too much.

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Ten ­ A happy family. Rev ­ issues within the family.

Page ­ A message of love. Could be a person or a thing, anything that makes 
you happy. Rev ­ A message that says you cannot have something that you 
would love.

Knight ­ To be dealing within a matter of love. Anything that makes you happy. 
Rev ­ to have problems in dealing within a matter of love.

Queen ­ A very loving woman. Rev ­ a sad woman. A woman who is a little sad, 
ditzy and potentially unfaithful.

King ­ A man who is very smart. He thinks before he opens his mouth. 
Choosing wisdom over bitterness. Rev ­ With a scandal in his past.

PENTACLES - Pentacles mean possessions, i.e. money. Can also

mean fulfillment. Spiritual possessions.

Ace ­ The beginning of money coming in. Or fulfillment. Rev ­ No money coming 
in or fulfillment.

Two ­ Balancing your finances, or your affairs. You do not get things out of 
control. Rev ­ you have trouble balancing your finances or your affairs.

Three ­ You're working a job or a skill. Rev ­ Mediocre work. (You're working a 
job, but your heart is not in it. You're just working through the motions.)

Four ­ Saving money. Or emotionally holding yourself back. Rev ­ Spending too 
fast. Or giving too much of yourself.

Five ­ Homelessness. (A spiritual homelessness. Empty inside.) Rev ­ Money 
troubles.

Six ­ Receiving gifts. (Could be giving.) Rev ­ Giving a gift not as a gift but as a 
bribe. With strings attached.

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Seven ­ To be evaluating something again, and again and again. Rev ­ To such 
a degree that you're second guessing yourself and maybe make a wrong 
decision.

Eight ­ To learn a new skill. Rev ­ but your heart is not in it, you're just going 
through the motions. Or, it could be too hard for you.

Nine ­ To be financially secure. Or emotionally fulfilled. Rev ­ To not have as 
much money as you would like or not as emotionally fulfilled as you would like.

Ten ­ Family protection. Not love, or lack of love. Material protection or fulfillment. 
Rev ­ You got some issues within the family, over money or fulfillment.

Page ­ A message about money or fulfillment coming in. Rev ­ A message about 
problems with money or fulfillment.

Knight ­ To be dealing with fulfillment or money. Rev ­ To have problems 
dealing with money or fulfillment.

Queen ­ Sexy, sensuous, earthy, a little bit materialistic. Rev ­ With an (wee bit) 
attitude.

King ­ A good business man. Very methodical. Step by step. Earthy, a little bit 
materialistic. Rev ­ Too materialistic.

MAJOR ARCANA (Arcana means secrets.)

0 The Fool ­ A choice is offered. Rev ­ The wrong choice.

1 The Magician ­ 1. To look at things in a different way to find a solution other's 
didn't realize, to see doorways where other men see walls. Rev ­ Same thing, 
only to do it in the wrong way or for the wrong reason. Scheming.

2 The High Priestess ­ Hidden influences. Things totally out of your control. Rev ­ 
Working against you.

3 The Empress ­ Fertility. Fertile times, ideas, exciting times, babies. Potential. 

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Rev ­ No fertility.

4 The Emperor ­ To take charge of your life. Rev ­ To float with the situation.

5 The Hierophant ­ To conform. To a person or go into an institution that makes 
you conform. Rev ­ To not conform. Or to have issues with an institution. Could 
be a job as well.

6 The Lovers ­ To be in a relationship. Rev ­ To have issues in a relationship.

7 The Chariot ­ To go on a conquest or a mission. Rev ­ With obstacles.

8 Strength ­ To have a balance with the spiritual and material. Rev ­ To either be 
too materialistic or spiritual. (Keep in mind if you have money problems you will 
be materialistic, is it a good or bad thing?)

9 The Hermit ­ Silent counsel is offered. You see something that makes things 
just click. Could also be advice. Rev ­ But you don't want to take it.

10 Wheel of Fortune ­ Luck is with you. Rev ­ Luck is not with you.

11 Justice ­ Either you're dealing with the legal system or karma. Or things will 
be fair. Rev ­ An injustice of some kind or a bad ruling against you.

12 The Hanged Man ­ A total change in lifestyle. You go from being the 
caterpillar to the butterfly. (IF ­ R. KIPLING) Rev ­ You're trying to change your 
lifestyle but you don't know how to go about it.

13 Death ­ Destruction of the old to make way for the new. Rev ­ Unable or 
unwilling to make changes. Stagnation.

14 Temperance ­ To practice self restraint. You don't drink, or loose your temper. 
Rev ­ A lack of self restraint, you either loose your temper or do something 
stupid.

15 The Devil ­ A bondage to the material. Rev ­ You care about nothing 

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materialistic.

16 The Tower ­ Selfish ambitions come to naught. Risky behavior. Like the little 
kid who sticks his hands in the cookie jar knowing his hand is going to get 
slapped. Rev ­ Not as risky, not as selfish.

17 The Star ­ Hope. Rev ­ Hopelessness. (Where there be God, there always be 
hope.) Let us say overwhelmed or despair.

18 The Moon ­ Things go crazy. Rev ­ Things go a little bit crazy. Not as crazy 
but a little.

19 The Sun ­ No problems. Clear skies, everything is going good. Rev ­ Clouds 
in your sky, you're dealing with some problems.

20 Judgement ­ Means rebirth. Renewal. A new perspective in looking at things. 
Rev ­ You're trying to get a new birth or a new perspective but nothing is coming 
to you.

21 The World ­ You get everything you could ever want or desire. But we never 
get what we want or desire. Let's say you get everything you need. Rev ­ You 
don't get what you wish or what you need.
LAYOUTS
                                    21
                               20    19
                       18   17     16   15
               14   13   12     11   10   9
          8    7     6      5       4     3     2    1
             PRESENT                    PAST

[3] [2] [1] PAST [ ]   you
[6] [5] [4] PRESENT         [ ]      [ ]   2 issues
[9] [8] [7] FUTURE [ ]   inner state
[12] [11] [10] HOPES + DREAMS
[15] [14] [13] EMOTIONS
[18] [17] [16] FINAL RESULT

76
PROBLEM
    [ ] Energy involved
                        [ ]    [ ] what you see
                        [ ]    [ ] what you want
                        [ ]    [ ] what you need
                        [ ]    [ ] what you need to do
                            [ ] Energy involved
YES/NO
[ ]   [ ]   [ ]   [ ]   [ ]   <­­­ Turn whole stack over
right side up is yes
upside down is no
4­5 yeses = yes
4­5 no's = no
3­2 = maybe
Celtic Cross

[6]   could happen [ ] answer
[ ] hopes
[5] you [1] [2] mood [7] will happen [ ] other 
people's
past or passing           [3] influence
opposing forces (may help or hurt)
­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­
[ ] fears
[4]
heart of the matter

77
 You do the I Ching by thinking of a question while shaking three pennies in your hand and tossing them
on the ground. Heads is two points, tails is three. You add the points up and if it comes out to an odd
number then it is a yang (---); if it comes out to an even number then it is a yin (- -). You repeat this process
six times while thinking of the same question.

78
 Overview of I Ching
1. Power and Power. Is called the Beginning, or the Force. The beginning is logical if
you keep in mind the proverb that the longest journey starts with one step!

2. Submissive and Submissive. Is called the Receptive. The story goes that when King
Wen started his journey, all the other tribes came to join him and he accepted them; hence
being receptive, or submissive to their offer.

3. Moving into Danger. Is called Birth Pangs, or Sprouting. It is like the plant forcing
itself up through the soil; it is hard, but expected.

4. Seeing Danger and Standing Still. Is called the Adolesent. It is seeing danger and
needing advice.

5. Power facing Danger. Is called Waiting. Basically put, you’re facing adversity, but
you’re ready for it.

6. Danger within the Power. Is called the Conflict, or Arguing. It is fighting within the
group.
7. Danger causing Submissiveness to a leader.. Is called the Army. Submissive in this
sense because they are accommodating to a leader because of danger.
8. Submissive because of Danger. Is called Grouping. People yielding to each other
because of danger.
9. Power Penetrating. Is called Accumulating. Your power is penetrating to others.
Though you may be weak, you are controlling others more powerful.
10. Pleasure being part of Strength. Is called Treading. The image is of stepping on a
tigers tail and getting away with it. Succeeding because of respect for others.

11. Power supporting the Submissive. Is called Peace. The whole image of the strong
foundation supporting the submissive is the message.

12. The Submissive supporting the Power. Is called Obstruction. The weak trying to
hold up the strong will quite obviously lead to collapse.
13.Brightness within the Power. Is called Fellowship. A group that is glowing.

14. Power becoming Bright. Is called Great Possessing. It is when power shines.

15. Standing Still and being Submissive. Is called Modesty. You’re doing good by
having a low profile.

16. Being Submissive and Moving. Is called Enthusiasm. You’re succeeding because
you’re going with the flow of things. A good time to try something new.

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17. Moving with Pleasure. Is called Following. You should go with the flow of things
with pleasure.

18. Penetrating while Standing Still. Is called Corrupting. You’re stopping to clean
house and fix things.
19. Having Pleasure while able to be Submissive. Is called the Approach. Good
progress, motivating, Success.
20. Submissively Penetrating. Is called Contemplation. To be evaluating the situation.
21. Moving Brightly. Is called Biting Through. The action of justice and punishment. It
is called Biting through because the hexagram looks like an upper jaw and lower jaw
biting through the fourth line.
22. Brightly Standing Still. Is called Adorning. Seeing Beauty is no guarantee that there
is anything worthwhile beneath it.

23. Submissively Standing Still. Is called Splitting Apart. Splitting from the bottom up.
Being held only at the top. A feeble structure being unable to support weight.

24. Moving Submissively. Is called Returning. Moving without obstacles.

25. Moving with Strength. Is called Innocence. Honest and earnest effort will bring
success.
26. Strength Standing Still. Is called the Great Taming. Having great strength and
getting more, rebuilding.

27. Moving while Standing Still. Is called Swallowing. It means the mouth moving,
getting nourishment.
28. Penetrating Pleasure. Is called Internal Decay. It is searching for pleasure (but not
finding it) until you destroy yourself.

29. Danger upon Danger. Is called the Abysmal. It is self-explanatory; however a friend
had that come up asking about a girl. He went with her and is still okay.
30. Brightness upon Brightness. Is called Radiance. The brilliance of character and
success because of it.

31. Standing Still with Pleasure. Is called Conjoining. The forming of relationships
without games.

32. Penetrating and moving. Is called Persevering. The continuing of a good

relationship.

33. Standing Still with Power. Is called Retreat. It is not time for attacking; just keep
yourself secure and strong.

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34. Power Moving. Is called Great Power. The great becoming stronger.

35. Submissively being Bright. Is called Prospering. Recognition and reward for work.

36. Brightness getting Submissive, or weaker. Is called The Darkening of the Light.
Doing actions that lower your standing.
37. Bright Penetrating. Is called The Family. Peace and harmony between the clan, or
family.
38. Pleasures within the Brightness cause problems. Is called Opposition. Great
bickering within the group.
39. Standing Still facing Danger. Is called Limping. Having difficulties because some
issue is restraining you.
40. Danger Moving away. Is called Deliverance. Self-explanatory: The danger is
moving away.
41. Pleasure while Standing Still. Is called Diminishing. Setting aside issues and
sacrificing for the good of all.

42. Moving and Penetrating. Is called Augmenting. You’re doing good because reaping
benefits.

43. Power with Pleasure. Is called Breakthrough. Discovering and acting to remove
corruption.

44. Penetrating with Power. Is called Coupling. Having the restraint to avoid
temptations that could cause problems.

45. Being Submissive with Pleasure. Is called Clustering. Working together as one for a
common goal.

46. Penetrating Submissively (without obstacles). Is called Ascending. Luck with rising
and advancement.

47. Danger Coming to the Pleasure. Is called Oppression. Difficulties coming from
exhaustion.

48. Penetrating the Danger. Is called The Well. It is called the well because it speaks of
the source of wisdom coming to explain the danger.
49. Getting Bright with their Pleasure. Is called Revolution. Getting rid of the old to
make way for the new.
50. Penetrating Brightly. Is called The Cauldron. Bringing new energy to a situation.
51. Moving upon Moving. Is called Arousing. Situations being put back in order like a
steamroller.

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52. Standing Still and Standing Still. Is called The Bound. Stopping and being still at
the right time.
53. Standing Still and Penetrating. Is called Development. Gradual success when done
right.
54. Getting Pleasure while Moving. Is called The Marrying Maiden. Refers to
marrying the younger sister. Having incorrect goals that lead to problems
55. Brightly Moving. Is called Abundance. Things are at their greatest.

56. Standing Still Brightly. Is called The Wanderer. Confucius was a wanderer, but
when he stood still, God, did he shine. To wander; but to carry with it wisdom; somewhat
like the Taoist priest.

57. Penetrating upon Penetrating. Is called The Gentle. Subtle, wise, noninvasive ways
of getting things done; behind the scene, as it were.

58. Pleasure upon Pleasure. Is called The Joyous. There is an enthusiasm that motivates
groups.

59. Danger being Penetrated. Is called Dispersing. Seeking, finding and dispersing
unfavorable elements.

60. Pleasure becoming a Danger. Is called Limiting. The need to put limits on the affair.
61. Pleasure Penetrating. Is called Inner Truth. Sincere and truthful motivations
enhance relationships.
62. Standing Still while Moving. Is called Small Exceeding. A time to stop moving and
attend to matters at home.
63. Brightly facing the Danger. Is called After Completion. All your work is done. Yes;
there is still danger, but you have put everything in place.
64. Danger threatening the Bright. Is called Before Completion. Your work never seems
to be done. There is still work to do.

Many people who study the I Ching do not look at power, or movement, but rather at
one of the many attributes of the trigraph. For that reason I include the other traits. I left it
out of the above to avoid confusion

Trigraph Family Nature Animal Body part Element

Power Father Heavens Horse Head Metal
Submissive Mother Earth Mare Stomach Metal
Movement Eldest Son Thunder Dragon Foot Wood
Danger Middle Son Rain Pig Ear, Hand Water

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Standing Still Youngest Son Mountain Dog Fingers Earth
Penetrating Eldest Daughter Wind Rooster Thigh Wood
Brightness Middle Daughter Sun Pheasant Eye Metal
Pleasure Youngest Daughter Lake Sheep Mouth Metal

83