Gain Confidence and Boost Self Esteem in 5 Simple Steps

By Peter Murphy

We all want to become more confident and feel good about ourselves so
we can live our very best life. Here are some ways to gain confidence
and raise self-esteem:

1. Do something that requires a decision and a follow-through

Have you been putting off writing that letter to aunt Martha? Is there a
friend you've been meaning to call? Wash the car, tidy the garden or
clean the house. You'll gain confidence by setting goals (even small
ones) and following through on them.

2. Enjoy something you do well

Do you have any hobbies or sports that you enjoy playing? Some things
like going swimming, painting or writing can hold your attention and get
you into a state of 'flow'. While you are in the flow you forget about
everything else.

Afterwards, you'll feel competent and capable. It's a great way to boost
your self-esteem. If you don't have any particular hobbies or pastimes
that you enjoy make an effort to try something you've always wanted to
try.

Picture yourself doing it, and then give it a try! It doesn't have to be
something big - it can be as simple as joining a walking club.

You'll find that you are more centered and happier if you do something
that puts you in that flow at least once a week.

3. Shift the focus

It's been shown that low self-esteem develops hand-in-hand with

individuals who put too much focus on themselves. You can gain
confidence by doing something that focuses on someone else or even
something else.

You'll find that when you are in a situation where you are meeting new
people, you immediately become less nervous when you focus on the
person you are meeting.

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At the end of the day, you've interacted with others and will notice that
you feel much lighter.

4. Relax, already!

Learning to become more relaxed is a great life enhancer. People who

are more relaxed have fewer problems with their memories and are more
likely to take the bumps in the road of life in stride.

The practice of meditation has gained popularity for this reason. You
might want to look into Tai Chi, which involves physical relaxation
techniques.

Whatever method you decide on, take relaxation seriously. The benefits
are just too great to ignore. If you've never considered relaxation
important, think of it this way: if you can attend to something that results
in feeling good, how can you not gain confidence in your personal
abilities?

5. Make a list of everything you've ever accomplished

Think small. An accomplishment is an accomplishment! Some things you

could put on your list: passed my driver's test and got my license, scored
a goal when I played hockey, managed to save enough money to go on
a trip and so on.

These are just a few ideas you can use to gain confidence and boost
your self-esteem. Use these ideas as a base point and add these things
permanently in your life.

Keep in mind, people are not born with good self-esteem, most of
us have to work at it. It develops from your thinking and the things you
do daily to make yourself feel good.

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently produced a very

popular free report: 10 Simple Steps to Developing Communication
Confidence. Apply now because it is available only at: confidence
building

Article Source: http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Peter_Murphy

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How to Gain Confidence by Ron Kurtus (revised 6 October 2000)

Confidence is the feeling that you are sure you can complete a difficult or
even dangerous task. You ask yourself, "Can I do it?" and then answer,
"I sure can."

Feeling confident means you are sure of your skills and ability to
succeed in a task. It is an internal determination or judgment of how sure
you are of your skills. Lack of confidence means you aren't sure that you
can complete an activity successfully.

Your confidence in being able to do something is based on your track

record of succeeding in various similar tasks. The feeling of self-
confidence is learned and can be passed from one task to another.

Questions about confidence that you may have are:

 Why aren't people confident?

 How do you get self-confidence?
 What are some examples?

This lesson will answer those questions. There is a mini-quiz near the
end of the lesson.

Why people aren't confident

A person gets confidence by successfully doing something or completing

a task and acknowledging that achievement. The internal
acknowledgment is recorded in the mind as, "I can do this again."

Don't acknowledge success

One reason people aren't confident after successfully completing a task

or achieving difficult goal is because they often don't acknowledge their
achievement and may even demean what they have done. They put their
achievement down by saying something like, "Oh, I was just lucky" or "It
wasn't all that good."

Too large a task

Another reason some people aren't confident is because they look at a

task or a goal as a large entity. Success or failure is determined by
the outcome, which may come after days or months of toiling.

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Too difficult a task

Some people purposely take on tasks that are way over their head, such
that they are assured of failure. They do this to re-enforce their
perceived lack of self-confidence. There is some strange psychology
involved in this situation.

How to gain confidence

The way to gain confidence is to:

1. Break tasks into smaller units,

2. Acknowledge your success for each step, and
3. Learn from your mistakes to re-enforce your confidence.

1. Break task into smaller steps

Before you set out to perform a task or try to achieve a goal, you must
realize that the activity is really a series of smaller steps. This is a basic
concept in any type of project planning. Thus, instead of waiting until the
end to determine if you are successful, you have a series of successes,
leading up to the finish.

2. Acknowledge success for each step

For each one of these steps or mini-tasks, you must acknowledge your
success. Congratulate yourself each time you succeed. If you don't
do well, correct your error. Take care about admonishing yourself, except
in extreme cases.

3. Re-enforce overall confidence

This self-talk will re-enforce your acknowledgment of your abilities and

increase your confidence as you go along on achieving the greater goal.

Examples of gaining confidence

The better illustrate how to apply the 3 steps in gaining confidence,

consider the examples of playing a game of tennis, managing a program
at work, and experiments with a mouse.

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Playing tennis

For example, your goal may be to win a tennis match. Each time you hit
the ball, you are performing a mini-task or small step necessary to
complete your final goal of winning the game.

Each time you hit the ball solidly, say to yourself, "Good shot." Each time
you miss, note what to correct. Perhaps say, "Follow through next time."

Throughout the game, your confidence will build, such that even if you
lose the match to a better player, you will feel sure of your overall ability
to play well.

Managing a program

In another example, a project manager can celebrate small milestones in

a major program with his workers in order to build their confidence to
effectively achieve this greater goal.

The mouse that couldn't lose

In an experiment on animal behaviour at the University of Wisconsin

about 20 years ago, the scientist would put a mouse with its front feet
tied together into the cage of another mouse. The mouse whose area
was being trespassed would then easily beat up the poor mouse with the
feet tied together.

After a number of victories, the scientist started to put mice in the cage
without their feet tied. But our mouse was so confident that he would
take on and defeat mice even larger than himself. Normally he would
have run away from these larger mice, but he felt he just couldn't lose.
And he didn't.

Summary

You can build your confidence by acknowledging your successes for

each step along the way to trying to achieve a goal. The self-
congratulations will build and re-enforce your confidence along the way
to feeling like a champion.