“Trader, Trader”

Synopsis:​ Pre-Covid, day trader ROB is having a roll and he’s celebrating in a bar along Wall Street.

At rise: ​Rob nurses a glass of liquid and gives the googly eye to an attractive patron at the other end of the
bar.

(​Chuckles, fidgeting a pen in his hand​) I have that special feeling, you know, (​excitedly) ​like, things gonna
come my way, baby. (​Takes a drink) ​You may say, “What are you doing drinking in a bar before noon?”
What, this? It's just water, I can’t have anything stronger than that, not even coffee, no, no. You see, (​points
to head)​ I need a clear head. I’m a trader, on the (​loudly)​ ​wall​ street. (​Gives the end of the bar an
enthusiastic wink). ​(​A beat) ​I just like The Floor, you know, I walk on Wall Street smelling that air of ​money​.
Every day I go to work, and as long as I still have a red cent, I will play the odds. You see, I have a system,
(​Points to head, again) ​here, no one can steal that away. And let me tell you, (​whispers) p
​ eople have tried to
steal my money, so many times, I don’t bother counting any more. (​Leaning towards the patron) ​See? I am
​ eeeah. In this country, money is everything. (​Looks at the patron) ​Well, love, don’t give me that look,
rich. Y
you know what I’m talking about. See, you smile, and it’s beautiful. I was born rich, and let me clue you in, it
was hard work! It was! Only instead of earning money, I had to learn to keep it.

(​Takes a sip of water) ​At first, it was not so bad, when you are thirteen and you realize that you have enough
money to last a hundred lifetimes, it’s almost like you are walking on the clouds. Everyone’s nice to you, you
can do no wrong. Then one day, I thought to myself, “Wait a minute, why is no one talking to me about my
money?”. ​My money. ​Mine. ​That’s when I learned, on my 16th birthday, that I was no longer ​filthy​ rich.
(Looks to the patron) ​Oh, love, stay awhile longer, I’m still rich, see? By an American mile! The trouble was,
my relatives, 2 uncles and 1 auntie, deemed it fits to divest my inheritance to their investments. It was
gradual, you see, and they did it expertly, I have to say. (​Takes a sip, smacks lips)​ Every year, on my
birthday, they’d make transfers to their offshore accounts for ​“Rob’s future fund”​, only ​I​ was not the
beneficiary, their children are. These are the same people who comforted me when my parents died when I
was six! (​A beat) I​ t was an accident. Only, was it really?
(​Puts back happy face) ​So, what choice do I have? I started working hard​.​ (​To the patron) ​You should see
me pouring through the legal documents and suing each and every last one of their sorry asses. That’s how I
got my money back. (​A twinkle) ​And I learned a few tricks of my own. You see, I’m not drunk, I’m not high,
well, a different kinda high, perhaps, on the knowledge that I have so much money I can buy all the bars on
this block if I want to. There is no such thing as having too much money, because people will be ​so ​NICE
when you are rich, even when you are just messing with them. (​To the patron) ​You know what I’m talking
​ ee?
about, don’t you, love? (​Laughs) S
(​Signs)
(A beat) I​ ’m addicted, I want more.
(​Puts down the glass, stands up to leave)
​ ee you around, love.
(To the patron) S
(​Leaves)​ Everyone wants more.