Qualities of Effective Communication

Communication is not easy. The many challenges associated with this seemingly simple task have
provided fodder for books (think "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"), movies such as
"Lost in Translation" and numerous sitcoms. While problems with communication might look funny
from the outside, we all know they can lead to very not-so funny breakdowns in relationships. It's
worth your while to learn the qualities of effective communication.

1. The Purpose
o Good communication is a vital tool for building better relationships. In order to
communicate effectively, you need to understand what are the goals for your communication.
Sometimes, people talk just to talk, to connect, to engage in verbal play with your loved one,
friend or co-worker. But other times, the goal is more specific, such as to plan a future
activity or to discuss a problem.

Listening 101
o Listening is an essential quality of effective communication. Active listening is a skill
that requires the listener to pay close attention to not only the words the speaker is saying,
but the emotions the speaker expresses through his facial expressions and body language.
When you engage in active listening, you reflect back what you've heard the other person
say, ask open-ended questions to help you get a deeper understanding of what he is saying,
and offer a brief summary of what you've heard him say.
You can offer your opinion, but don't be offended if he is not interested. The goal of active
listening is not for you to solve someone else's problems, but to help him get clear enough
on the issue to solve it himself. Of course, if it's a problem or issue that affects both of you,
you have every right to express yourself fully--and to expect the other person to actively
listen.

When to Speak
o When you're the one talking, use "I" statements to express your feelings and needs.
This helps avoid putting the other person in a defensive posture. For example, instead of
saying, "You always interrupt me before I'm done talking and try to tell me what I'm doing
wrong," explain how the other person's behavior is affecting you. Say, "I need to know that
you are listening to me, and I don't like when you try to solve my problems. I need to know
you believe I'm capable of doing that myself." Try to separate the problem from the person
and stay calm. People listen better when they don't feel threatened.