59

5
Why Is Long-Term
Chapter Care a Women’s Issue?
by Eileen Hamm

As a woman and a registered nurse, I know that the

person who provides the care is generally the female.
“We” usually means “she,” especially when it
comes to taking care of a spouse,
parents of a spouse, or one’s own parents.
— Eileen Hamm

H aving a written plan for long-term care is important for

every  family in America, but this is particularly true for
women. Almost always, the female takes ultimate respon­sibility for
the day-to-day care of a family member who is ill or disabled. This
is not sexist. This is not whin­ing. It’s a fact. In our years of working
with financial professionals to assist families with LTC Plan­ning, I
have personally listened to the stories of women whose lives have
been completely altered due to the long-term care needs of a loved
one. Similar stories involving men are also becoming more com-
mon, but the majority of informal caregivers in our country—almost
72% of the estimated 7 million providers of care—are female.
When I talk with couples about planning for long-term care, they
often ex­change glances and say, “Oh, we’ll take care of one another
when the time comes.” This pledge of mutual aid between spouses is
touching and undoubtedly sincere, but it usually comes from those
who have yet to observe someone in their personal circle move from
independence to a need for sustained care. Those who have closely
observed others struggling with a long-term care need are typically
driven to develop a realistic plan for long-term care, and that plan
rarely includes the option of deliberately relying on family.
My paternal grandmother, Nana, is a good example of how long-
term care affects women. After my grandfather passed away, my
father made sure Nana was safe and received the attention she
60 Chapter 5: Why Is Long-Term Care a Woman’s Issue?

needed. During the many years she was healthy, he took the place
of his father by being “on call” to help her with day-to-day living.
He accompanied her to doctor visits, took her shopping, and called
her every day. But when Nana’s health declined and she needed
assistance with personal care, my father’s involvement lessened
and my mother took over the major responsibilities of Nana’s care.
It was my mother, Nana’s daughter-in-law, who handled the intimate
tasks of helping her in and out of bed, bathing her, and dressing her.
This is a very typical pattern: As the level of care required grows
more personal and intimate, the male caregivers in the family begin
to feel uncomfortable, and the women take over the primary role
of caregiver. Women tend to be more comfortable and skilled in
this role, especially if they’ve also had children. But providing care
comes with a heavy price; with the accompanying emotional and
physical stress of being a caregiver, a woman has a 63% higher risk
of dying earlier than a woman of the same age who does not become
a caregiver.
Women often sacrifice their social network and sense of well-
being to care for a loved one. It seems that every time I talk with my
mother, who is now in her late 70s, she tells me about a sister or a
friend “having an awful time” taking care of a spouse. These women
tell her about the pure physical exhaustion they experience from
caring for an adult on a daily basis. They suffer from the depression
that comes from shouldering the responsibility alone, and they feel
guilty for not being able to “do more.”
But the prospect of becoming a caregiver is not the only reason
women should ask their financial professional about LTC Planning for
their family—it’s also vital that they plan for their own care. Women
make up the largest percentage of residents in all types of long-term
care facilities, with the majority being widowed or divorced. Because
we usually marry men at least a few years older than ourselves, and
we live about seven years longer than men, only 13% of women are
still married by age 85.
By contrast, men make up the majority of people being taken
care of at home. A wife or daughter usually helps her husband and
parents through to the end, but then her resources are limited when
 Chapter 5: Why Is Long-Term Care a Woman’s Issue? 61

she needs long-term care. Unable to rely on informal, unpaid care

from relatives at home, women are usually forced to rely on more
formal and costly solutions, such as entering a nursing home.
For example, although both my grandfathers lived to a ripe old
age, neither of them spent time in a nursing home or any other
type of care facility. As both grandfathers became weaker and more
debilitated due to old age and illness, my grandmothers once again
found themselves in a mothering role, this time responsible for their
husbands’ daily care at home. By contrast, both my grandmothers
spent their last years in care facilities, progressing from senior
apartments to assisted living communities, and finally to nursing
homes. This is the typical trend: A husband can generally count on
receiving good care provided by his spouse in his own home. If his
wife can’t provide the care personally, she will use their assets to
hire and supervise full or part-time caregivers.
Could I be a caregiver for my husband? Sure I could. Do I want
to? No. Does this mean I care less for my spouse? That I’m a selfish
person? No. It means I care enough to plan and make sure my family
and I have choices if someone we love requires long-term care.
Choices for women were limited in earlier generations. Thank­
fully, we now have access to the knowledge and resources required
to actively participate in planning ahead for our family’s well-being.
We will always be “caretakers,” but our role today includes careful
advanced planning for the potential long-term care of our loved
ones and ourselves. If we don’t proactively plan ahead, the comfort-
able and financially secure retirement we envision could be greatly
altered or even cut short by the consequences of providing or
receiving long-term care.
62 Chapter 5: Why Is Long-Term Care a Woman’s Issue?

Why Is
key Long-Term Care
points a Women’s Issue?

➤ The majority of informal caregivers in our

country—almost 72% of the estimated
7 million providers of care—are female.
➤ Women make up the largest percentage
of residents in all types of long-term care
facilities.
➤ Men make up the largest percentage of
people receiving care at home because
a spouse, daughter, or daughter-in-law
normally provides care for as long as
possible.
➤ A female caregiver has a 63% higher risk
of dying earlier than a woman of the same
age who does not become a caregiver.