Business Communication

Dr. Meltem Yaman 2003

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Objective of the Course
• understanding the importance and the difference of Business Communication • To increase
– Listening – Speaking – Writing effectiveness in business communication.
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Basic Communication Model
Speaker encoding message decoding listener

in successfull communication sent =received

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3 V of Communication
• Verbal:What you say:the message • Vocal: How you say: music of your voice • Visual: How you seem&who are you Most powerful element of communication is: Visual ! Give importance to visual self, as much as the knowledge and experience.
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Common Problem Areas
Sending: Lack of gestures, tone of voice, ambigious words !: Convey the importance of the message. Environment: Noise.Physical obstacles, inadequency of the channels, Receiving: Misinterpretion of any word or behaviour, perceptual filter which reflect all our past experinces and learning
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Problems in Sending
• using technical words for communication to nontechnical people • forgetting that the visual and vocal elements are the most important, words less. • Ignoring the situation, expectencies and interests of the listener according to their expertise.
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Noise in the environment
• Noise creates distortions of the message and prevents it from being understoood the way was intended • Noises may be ringing telephones, honking horns, messy, chaotic surroundings etc. • Time, inapropriate time may be an obstacle to give message clearly.Friday afternoon is not proper for a heavy meeting.
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Perception Problems
• Listeners ability to understand. • Lack of attention, inattentive or bored listeners • Emotional state, stress, fear, anxiety, anger, • Financial pressures • Prejudgements • Be sure that the receiver is “on”
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The importance &difference of business communication
• • • • • • Time is money&time has a cost Time is limited with project D/L,workhours Businesspeople are not our family or friends Business is not a game or joke but serious It is a half-diplomatic environment We may need any person in our career path with the nice memories about us.
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Business Comm. must be
• • • • • • • brief Well-designed precise specific Short Net&clear Understandable&comprehensive
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Four Personal Types
• Beside necessity of being briefly and precise • There are different types of people in businessworld. • They seem different, behave different • They expect to be communicated differently • Described by Carl Jung in 1920.
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Two Dimensions of the Model
directness

supporting

controlling

indirectness

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Dimension 1: Directness versus Indirectness:
• Describes the person’s observable behaviour • Means the tendency to move forward by expressing, thoughts, feelings, expectations in order to influence others
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Dimension 2: Supporting versus Controlling:
• Explains the motivating goal behind our observable actions • Supporting people tend to put relationships with others as their chief priority • Controlling people prioritize the accomplishment of the task at hand

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Typical Direct People I
• Fast-paced, assertive, take charge • Forceful, type A personality who confront conflict, change, risk and decision making head on • Outspoken communicators who often dominate • Competetive, impatient, confrontational, they bulldoze their way through life, often arguing for the sake of arguing
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Typical Direct People II
• Confident; maintain strong eye contact and have firm handshakes • People who thrive on accomplishment and are not concerned with rules and policies • Tend to think “It is easier to beg forgiveness than to take permission” • Speak quickly in loud, aggressive tones and presents a bold visual appearence
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Typical Direct People III
• Direct people may seem hasty, combative, has lower awareness of others’ needs, impatient, dominant, manipulative and talkative • They may seem dedicated, determined, energetic, risk-taker, active, action-people also
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Typical Indirect People I
• Cautious in their approach to risk, decisionmaking and change • Slow-paced, low-key, meek, harmonious • Slow to take initiatives at social gatherings • Tentative,reserved communicators who hesitate to contribute in meetings, • Conflict avoiders.Diplomatic, patient, cooperative.
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Typical Indirect People II
• On unimportant issues prefer to conform, rather then argue. When they have strong convictions about an issue, however, they will stand their ground. • Low-profile, reserved and gentle. Handshakes are are gentle and and they speak in slowerpace and lower volume • Generally conservative and reserved in their visual appearence, making indirect qualified statements
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Briefly direct-indirect-Verbal
Indirect • Asks (Would you like to sit down?) • Listens • Reserves Opinions • Low quantity of verbal communication Direct • Tells( Have a sit or sit down) • Talks • Expresses opinions readily • Lots of verbal communications
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Briefly direct-indirect-Vocal
Indirect • Steady, even delivery • Less forceful • Lower volume • Slower speech patterns Direct • More voice variety • More forceful • Higher volume • Faster speech patterns

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Briefly direct-indirect-Visual
Indirect • Gently handshake • Intermitten eyecontact • Limited gestures to empasize points • Exhibits patience Direct • Firmly handshake • Steady eye contact • Gestures to emphasize points • Displays impatience

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Typical Supporting People I
• Are emotionally open, with animated facial expressions and physical gestures • Feel comfortable expressing joy, sadness, confusion • Maintain closer physical proximity; end to be huggers, handshakers, and touchers • Are informal and prefer to be relaxed, warm relationships
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Typical Supporting People II
• Enjoy loose, amusing conversations, frequently tell stories, often embarrassing incidents • Prefer unstructured time and are seldom disturbed when other people waste their time • Supporting people are more accepting about time usage and arrange their schedules according to the needs of people first and tasks later.Flexible about others time also.
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Typical Supporting People III
• Supporting people are motivated by their relationships and feelings • They want to get to know people and they tend to make decisions based on feelings, experiences and relationships • Emotionally open and show it by using body language, more vocal inflections, making continual eye contact, and communicating in terms of feelings like their joy, sadness, confusion etc.
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Typical Supporting People IV
• They like to make conversations enjoyable, so they often willingly stray from the subject to discuss personal interests and experiences • They may seem not dependant, weak, inattention, concentrated poorly according to the controlling people.
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Typical Controlling People I
• Emotionally reserved-called pokerfaces • More rigid, physically, and less expressive than Supporting people. • Tend to keep physically distant from others • Guarded and controlled physically, mentally and emotionally, seldom loose control • Task-oriented; dislike digressions from their agendas
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Typical Controlling People II
• Fact-oriented decisionmakers. Want to see statistics or hard evidence. • People who prefer working alone and put little value on opinions and feelings • More comfortable operating in an entellectual mode. • Champions of time management. They are the efficiency experts of the world who create and follow rigid plans and schedules.
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Typical Controlling People III
• Controlling types are motivated by the task at hand and want to accomplish their goals. • Usually keep their distance, both physically and mentally.Tend to stay away from others. • Have strong sense of personal space and territory and hate it whensomeone invades it. • Have restricted range of verbal, vocal and visual expression.Controlled hand and body movement.
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Typical Controlling People IV
• Controlling people adhere to a more time disciplined agenda. • Concentrate on business, keep their personal feelings private. • They prefer working with things or through people rather than with them or for them. • They may seem restrictive, coercive or resultoriented, interested in with mostly not feeling but time usage of others.
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Self assesment
First • Are you more direct or indirect? • Are you more supporting or controlling? Second • Think of a “difficult” person with whom would like to communicate better. • Source of the difficulty is the differency of personal styles.
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Being open to different styles
• Knowing which personal style best describes you and the other people you need to communicate with is an important step in analyzing and improving your communication skills. • Each personal type has a different way of perceiving the world, behaving and communicating.Learn to reach them..
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Four Behavioural Styles
Supporting (relationship-oriented) the relater style the socializer style

Indirect (slowpace)

Direct (fast-paced)

the thinker style

the director style Controlling

(task oriented)
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The Socializer I
• • • • Socializers are direct and supportive Friendly,enthusiastic, action people Like applause, admiration, compliments Tend to place more priority to relations than tasks, like to have fun and enjoy life • They influence others with great persuasion.
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The Socializer II
• • • • • • Need interaction and contact with people Are risk taker and based on more intuition. Act and decide spontaneously Are concerned with approval and appearences Think emotionally Think about the “big picture”, get bored with details
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The Socializer III
• • • • Like changes and innovations Needs help in getting organized Dislike conflict Maintain a positive, optimistic orientation to life • Exaggerate and generalize • Tend to dream and get others caught up in the dreams
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The Socializer IV
• • • • • Jump from one activity to another Work quickly and excitedly with others Seek esteem and acknowledgement from others Disorganised, touchers, motivational For balance they need to control their time, and emotions, be more objective, concentrate on the task, take more logical approach to projects, spend more time with checking, verifying, specifying
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The Director I
• Directors are direct and controlling • They are driven by an inner need to take charge of situations • Are firm in their relationships with others, oriented toward productivity and goals and concerned with bottomline results • They may seem tough, impatient, stubborn
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The Director II
• • • • • • Need to be in charge, dislike action Act quickly and decisively Think logically, power oriented Want facts and highlights Strive for results, sometimes workholic Need personal freedom to manage self and others
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The Director III
• • • • Like changes Prefer to delegate details Cool, independent and competetive Low tolerance for feelings, attitudes and advise of others • Work quickly and impressively alone • Want to be recognized for their accomplishment
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The Director IV
• Have a tendency to engage in arguments and conflict, decisive, precise, efficient • Have good administrative skills • Always in a hurry and talk business shortly • For more balance they need to learn active listening, patience, sensitivity, humility, respect to rules, team work, to show concern to others, project more relaxed image
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The Thinker I
• • • • • • Thinkers are both indirect and controlling. Analytical, persistent, problem-solver Security conscious, in high need to be right Slow to reach a decision but decisive Uncomfortable with illogical people Are non-contact people, not touchers
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The Thinker II
• • • • • • Think logically and analytically Need data Need to be right Like organization and structure Ask many questions about specific details Prefer objective, task oriented intellectual work environment
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The Thinker III
• • • • • • • Need to understand the process Are cautious decision-makers Prefer to do things themselves Work slowly and precisely alone Like to be admired for their accuracy Avoid conflict Like to contemplate
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The Thinker IV
• Disciplined about time, rigid, like charts&graphics • Critical for their own performance • Tend to be accountants, engineers, computer programmers, system analysts, architects, chemists, physician, maths. • For balance they need to improve timely decisionmaking, initiation of new projects, to show concern for others, try timesavers&shortcuts • Adjust more disorganization and change,
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The Relater I
• Relaters are supporting and indirect. • They are the most people-oriented of all 4 • Having close, friendly, personal relations with others is one of the their most important objectives, and dislike conflict. • Have good counselling skills and supportive • Excellent listenners and like good listeners
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The Relater II
• • • • • • • Concerned with stability Think logically Want documentation and facts Need personal involvement Take action and make decisions slowly Need to know step by step sequence Avoid risks and changes
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The Relater III
• • • • • • Work slowly with others Try to accomodate others Want tranquility and peace Seek security and belongingness Enjoy teamwork Want to know they are appreciated
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The Relater IV
• • • • • • Have strong networks of people like them Unassertive, warm, reliable, soft-hearted Compliant, slow in taking action, avoid risk Good trust builders, good team players Thet are irritated by pushy, agressive people Ideal occupations are counselling,teaching, social work, nursing, human resources,
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The Relater V
• Primary strenghts of Relaters are caring for and loving others • They like others to be friendly, courteous, genuine, responsible and sensitive • For more balance need to learn to say “no” , to be more task-oriented and less sensetive for others, be willing to reach from comfort zone to set goals and to delegate it to others.
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The Four Style in Business Life
• The Socializers like other-people to be risktakers and act quickly, and decisively • The Directors like others to be decisive, efficient, receptive and intelligent • The Thinkers like others to be credible, professional, sincere and courteous • The Relaters like others to be courteous and friendly with sharing responsibilities
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The Four Style in Social Life
• The Socializers like others to be unhibited, spontaneous and entertaining • The Directors like others to be assertive, clever and has sense of humour • The Thinker like others to be pleasant and sincere • The Relaters like others to be with real personalities and friendly
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The Four Style At Glance
Relater • Relationship-oriented • Moves, act and speaks slowly • Wants tranquility peace • Enjoys teamwork • Good counselling skills • • • • • • • Socializer Relationship-oriented Moves, acts, speak quickly Risk- taker Wants excitement &change Enjoy spotlight Good persuasive skills
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The Four Style At Glance
Thinker • Task-oriented • Moves, acts and speaks slowly • Wants to be accurate • Enjoys solitary, intellectual work • Cautious decision-makers • Good problem-solving skills Director • Task-oriented • Moves, acts and speaks quickly • Wants to be in charge • Gets results through others • Makes decisions quickly • Good administrative skills
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Adapting Yourself I If you are a Director
Lower your emphasis on Control of other people Develop and demonstrate more Supportive skills and actions such as listening, questioning, and positive reinforcement

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Adapting Yourself II If you are a Socializer
Lower your emphasis on Need for approval from other people or groups Develop and demonstrate more Directive skills and actions such as self-assertion, conflict-resolution, negotiations

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Adapting Yourself III If you are a Relater
Lower your emphasis on Resistance to try new or different opportunities Develop and demonstrate more Directive skills and actions such as negotiation and divergent thinking

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Adapting Yourself IV If you are a Thinker
Lower your emphasis on Unnecessary perfectionism and the tendency to focus on weakness Develop and demonstrate more Supportive skills and actions such as emphatic listening, positive reinforcement of others, involvement with others with complementary strengths
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Communicating with Socializers I
Direct &Supporting people who talk, move and make-decision quickly and they are relation oriented: • Support their opinions • Allow the discussion to flow, even go on far • Be entertaining and fast moving

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Communicating with Socializers II
• Avoid conflict and arguments • Agree and make notes of the specifies of any agreement • Compliment their appearance, creative ideas, persuasiveness, and charisma • Allow them to “get things off their chest”

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Communicating with Directors I
Direct &Controlling People, who talk, move and make decisions quickly, and they are task-oriented • Support their goals and objectives • Talk about the desired results • Keep your communication businesslike

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Communicating with Directors II
• Recognize their ideas rather than them personally • Be precise, efficient, well-organised • Provide them clearly described options with supporting analysis • Arguing on facts, not feelings when disagreements occur
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Communicating with Thinkers I
Indirect &Controlling people who move and make decisions more slowly. They are taskoriented. • Be thorough and well prepared • Support their organized, thoughtful approach • Support their need to be accurate and logical • Demonstrate through actions rather than words
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Communicating with Thinkers II
• Compliment their efficiency, thought process and organization • Be systematic, exact, organised and prepared • Describe a process in detail and explain how it will produce results • Ask questions and let them show you how much they know
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Communicating with Thinkers III
• Allow time for deliberation and analysis • Answer questions and provide details and analysis • List advantages and disadvantages of any plan • Provide solid, tangible, factual evidence

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Communicating with Relaters I
• Be warm and sincere • Support their feelings by showing personal interest • Assume that they will take everythink personally • Allow them time to develop trust in you • Move along in an informal and slow manner
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Communicating with Relaters II
• Actively listen • Discuss personal feelings in the event of a disagreement • Discuss and support relationship • Compliment their teamwork, their relationships with others and their ability to “get along”
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One-Dimensional Adapting
Sometimes you may want to adapt your style but you may be not sure what style the other person has. If you recognised one dimension, you may adapt yourself in that way and this may be enough.

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Increasing Directness I
If the person is Direct (moves and speaks quickly; readily expresses thoughts and feelings) you can increase the directness of your conversation by the following: • Speaking in a faster pace • Initiating conversations and decisions • Giving recommendations and not asking for opinions
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Increasing Directness I
• Using direct statements rather than roundabout questions • Communicating with a strong, confident voice • Challenging and tactfully disagreeing when appropriate • Facing conflict openly but not initiating it • Increasing eye contact
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Increasing Indirectedness I
If the person is Indirect (moves and speaks more slowly, is cautious in expressing personal thoughts and feelings,and in making decisions) you can increase your Indirectedness by the following: • Talking and making decisions more slowly • Seeking and acknowledgin the opinions of others • Sharing decision-making and leadership
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Increasing Indirectness II
• Showing less energy, Being more mellow. • Not interrupting • Providing pauses to allow other person speak • Refraining from criticizing, challenging, or acting pushy • Choosing words carefully when disagreeing
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Increasing Supportingness I
If the person is Supporting( motivated by relationships and feelings), you can increase your Supportingness by the following: • Sharing your feelings and letting your emotions show • Responding to the expression of other’s feeling
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Increasing Supportingness II
• • • • Paying personal compliments Taking time to develop relationship Using friendly language Communicating more, loosening up, and standing closer • Be willing to digress from the agenda, going with the flow
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Increasing Controllingness I
If the person is Controlling (motivated by the task at hand and accomplishing goals) you can increase your controllingness by following: • Getting right to the task or the bottom line • Maintaining more of a logical, factual orientation
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Increasing Controllingness I
• Keeping to the agenda • Leaving when the work is done; not wasting time • Not initiating physical contact • Downplaying enthusiasm and body movement • Using businesslike language
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We learned that
Dynamic communication that persuades influences requires a speaker and a listener who are on the same wavelenght • By understanding 4 styles, you have the basis for expanding your communication potential • People are different in communication • It is possible to avoid from pitfalls • It is possible to be speaking as multistyle
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Next Lesson
We will work on Verbal and Nonverbal Communication

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Lesson II We will learn
Verbal Communication • Active listening • Art of Asking Questions • Using Feedback • Conflict resolution(1.part)

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Verbal Communication
• Sending the messages verbally. We may use 4 styles for efficient sending. • Receiving the messages accurately. We need active listening, asking questions and giving feedback
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Listening
The most important skill of a manager is ...?.. Ineffective or poor listening is the most frequent causes of misunderstandings, mistakes, unhappy customers, low morale emloyee, missed sales, in private life divorces and parent-child conflicts. Poor listeners seem disinterested, self-centered
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Reasons of Poor Listening I
Reasons of poor listening are as follows: • Listening is hard work: requires concentration • Competition:competition of taking our attention by advertisements, radio, TV etc. • The rush to action: we think that we know what someone is going to say and interrupt.
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Reasons of Poor Listening II
• Speed Difference: The difference between speech speed and thought speed listening gap. Average person speaks at about 135175 words a minute, but can listen to 400500 words a minute. The gap time spent jumping into conclusions, daydreaming, planning a reply or mentally arguing with the speaker.
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Reasons of Poor Listening III
Lack of training: we do more listening than speaking, reading or writing but we receive no formal education for good listening. The average employee spends about 3 quarters of each working day in verbal communications. Nearly half of it is spent on listening.
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Reasons of Poor Listening
The typical employee’s listening effectiveness is only 25 percent. Three-fourths of everything that employee hears is distorted or quickly forgotten. The normal untrained listener is likely to understand only about 50% of a conversation After 48 hours it drops to 25%. That means it is normal forgetting the discussion.
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Benefits of Better Listening
It improves relationships: Listening to someone makes them feel good about you which leads to increased trust and credibility and an increased willingness toward cooperation

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Benefits of Better Listening
There are fewer Misunderstandings Fewer errors result in lower costs, better products and services and higher profits Better Understanding Better listening improves the transfer of information, improves teamwork, builds morale and leads to higher productivity
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Four Levels of Listening
People typically listen at one of four basic levels of attentiveness. Each category requires a particular depth of concentration and sensitivity on the part of listener. As you move from the first, to the next level, listeners potential for understanding, trust and effective communication increases.
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Nonlistening I
The nonlistener does not hear the speaker at all. In fact, no effort is made to hear the speaker. Recognized by her blank stare and nervous mannerism and gestures Non listener wants to do all or most of the speaking, constantly interrupts, always has to have the last word.
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Nonlistening II
The nonlistener is usually considered a social boor and know-it-all, perceived as insensitive and nonunderstanding. The nonlistener is typically disliked or merely “tolerated”
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Marginal Listening I
Hears the sounds and the words but not the meaning and intent. The message is not really heard. Just stays on the surface of the argument or problem, never risking to go deeper.Try to find noises to have an excuse for not deeply listening. Prefer to listen only for the data, bottom line instead of main ideas.
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Marginal Listening II
Marginal listening is hazardous, because misunderstanding are possible. In 1st level speaker may notice the non-listener but may not notice the marginal listeners level of understanding. In workplace, it is a source of low morale, misunderstandings, errors and problems.
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Evaluative Listening I
More concentration and attention are required at this level. The evaluative listener is actively try to hear what the speaker is saying but is not making An effort to understand the speakers intent. Tends to be a logical listener, more concentrated about the content than feelings.
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Evaluative Listening II
Evaluative listener tends to stay away emotionally from the conversation. Evaluates the message strictly on the basis of words delivered, totally ignoring that part of the message carried in the speakers vocal intonation, body language and facial expressions. Thinks that she understand but the speaker does not think so.Critizes speaker’s dressing or count the buzzy words
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Active Listening I
Unquestionably the most comprehensive and powerfull level of listening. Demanding and tiring because it requires the deepest level of concentration, attention and mental as well a emotional processing effort. Active listener refrains from coming to judgement about the speaker’s message, instead focusing on understanding her point of view.
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Active Listening II
Attention is concentrated on the thoughts and the feelings of other person as well as the spoken word. To listen in this manner requires our initial suspension of our own thoughts and the feelings in order to give attention solely to the message and intent of the speaker. “emphaty”. It requires listener give verbal&nonverbal feedback to the speaker what is totally being understood. 96

Developing Listening Proficiency
You should develop 6 separate skills:CARESS Concentrate Acknowledge Research Exercise Emotional Control Sense the nonverbals Structure
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The CARESS Model I
Concentrate: Focus your attention on the speaker and only on the speaker. That will help you to eliminate environmental “noise” and help you “receive” the message clearly. There are 3 major categories of barriers/noise
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The CARESS Model I Concentrate
External Environmental Barriers: Noises in the room, other people talking, poor acoustics, uncomfortable, cold, hot room, visitors, outside traffic, TV, radio, telephone External Speaker-Related Bariers: Speakers dressing style, accent or speaking style, disturbing behaviours,
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The CARESS Model I Concentrate
Internal Listener-Related Barriers are 2 types: Internal Physical Barriers:Bad timing like times close to quitting or lunch times. Pain, discomfort, stress, fatigue prevent attention Internal Phychological Barriers:Inner voice, boredom, daydreaming, personal values and beliefs, past experiences, future expectations.
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The CARESS Model I Concentrate
All of this barriers create incredible distractions which prevent the communication. To begin lowering these barriers we have to assess whether they are in our control or not. Try to control and overcome the barriers.Then, for concentrating,do deep breathing, decide to listen with attention for learning, mentally paraphrase the info, maintain eye contact
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The CARESS Model II
Acknowledge: When you acknowledge your speaker, you demonstrate your interest and attention. Your acknowledgement encourages the speaker and actually helps the speaker send a clearer message. If it is acceptable do not hesitate to show acceptance for avoiding to stop the communication.
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The CARESS Model II Acnowledge
Think about how you like to be listened to: • eye contact • Verbal responses and participation like asking questions an vocal prompts: “hmm”, • Gestures like smiling, leaning forward with interest, smiling, nodding of the head, sitting directly facing with speaker • Clarifying points by asking questions or restating the point to be sure about message
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The CARESS Model III
Research: Gather information about your speaker, his interests and objectives. This will help you understand the message, ask questions for a more in-depth conversation and respond to the speaker in a way that promotes communication.
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As Listening skill, research allows you to clarify the message, go to deeper topic. As research tools asking questions and giving feedback let the communication flow easier. If only speaker is talking listeners only listen, this can create tension and suspicion on the part of speaker. Skillfull research help listener to reveal inner feelings, motives, needs, goals an desires. Another technique is emphathy statements. 105

The CARESS Model III Research

The CARESS Model III Research
There are 3 parts of emphathy statements: Tentative Statement Defining the feeling Putting it into its situational context “It seems to me, you’re very frustrated me because you can’t get the product to work the way you want it to work
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Emphathy statements proves your attention. Encourage speaker to share feelings. It is a good way to get people open up and share thoughts with you. Gives opportunity to the speaker refine, expand or correct message By affirming the speaker’s feelings, build an emotional bound between the speaker &the listener.
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The CARESS Model III Research

The CARESS Model IV
Exercise Emotional Control: Deal with highly charged messages in a thoughtful manner and wait until the entire message is received before reacting. Regardless of how provocative the message is, you must concentrate on understanding it first.
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The CARESS Model IV Exercise Emotional Control
What causes an emotional overreaction? Often differences in values, beliefs, attitudes, education, image etc. can cause... Dressing style, too casual or to high-powered.. Speaker’s accent, regional differences. Looded words as religious, ethnic, racial or political words or humor may cause reaction These blocks the meaning of the message.
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The CARESS Model IV Exercise Emotional Control
Do emotional control by recognizing and redirecting your negative emotional reactions. Recognize by increased heartbeat, respiration or facial flush that you are getting upset. Redirect your reaction by pause, common ground and visualizing calm
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The CARESS Model IV Exercise Emotional Control
Pause: or delay of action with taking deep breath, or counting till ten and try to calm down Common ground: Try to think about what you have in common with the speaker, rather than focusing on what is different Visualize calm: Imagine yourself calm and relaxed. Think of a time in your past when you we feeling laid back, calm, on the top of the world, and feeling increadibly great. Construct a mental picture in detail
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The CARESS Model V
Sense the Nonverbal Message: What is the speaker saying with his body language and gestures. Try to understand the vocal and the visual messages as well as the words being spoken.

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The CARESS Model V Sense the Nonverbal Message
According to Dr. Mehrabian, author of Silent Messages, about %90 of the message is carried through visual and vocal channels. Only 7-10 % is verbal, through actual words. It is critical that we learn to recognize the nonverbal and vocal messages in both receiving messages and sending messages
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The CARESS Model VI
Structure: Structure and organize the information as you receive it. This is what you should do with the time generated by the gap between speaking and the hearing speeds. By organizing the information as you received it, you will improve your retention and understanding of the material.
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The CARESS Model VI Structure
There is a time gap between the listening and the speaking speeds. The gap time can be used by structuring. Structuring revolves around three primary activities as: 1. indexing 2. sequencing 3. comparing
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The CARESS Model VI Structure
1.Indexing: is taking mental or written notes of 1. the topic or the major idea, 2. the key points being discussed, and 3. the reasons, subpoints and supporting points Indexing is made easier by listening for transitional words like “what I want to talk to you today is(main idea), for example (a supporting point), first(keypoint one)
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The CARESS Model VI Structure
2. Sequencing: is listening for order or priority. Sometimes someone tells you something in which the order is very important, you are given instructions or directions where the order is crucial. Like indexing you need to follow the numbers as first, second etc. If you have any doubt you may check it with the speaker as asking “let me make sure I understand the order you are describing”
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The CARESS Model VI Structure
3. Comparing: is trying to discriminate between what is fact and what is assumption, discriminate between advantages and disadvantages and discriminate between positives and negatives.You also listen for consistency. Another method is taking notes on what the speaker is saying. With mindmapping also.
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ACTIVE LISTENING ATTITUDE
The skills needed to improve listening are relatively simple to learn and implement. Perhaps the harder task is developing the active listening attitude.Understand that: 1. Attitude: Listening is as powerful as speech: What someone says to you is just as critical as what you have to say to them.
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ACTIVE LISTENING ATTITUDE
2. Attitude: Listening saves time: People who listen actively find that they experience fewer mistakes, fewer interpersonal misunderstandings, less employee and customer turnover. 3. Attitude: Listening is important and worthwhile with everyone:When you believe that you can learn something from everyone you meet, you will approach listening with a new enthusiasm. 120

The Art of Asking Questions
The word is full of questions: Good, silly, important and offensive questions. Questions can built rapport and trust or foster suspicion and dislike. Questions can open up a conversation or weaken&closed. Questions generate information or loose main topic of the conversation. Are heart of the conversation which pump fresh life to the conversations.
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The Art of Asking Questions
Asking good questions is particularly important in organizations where working together to achieve a common purpose depends upon the members of the organizations understanding each other clearly.Asking questions about how things are done, why they are done, who is responsible for that, what is the budget etc.
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The Art of Asking Questions
We ask questions a lot since our childhood. But the point is being able to ask right question at the right time for communication. Why Do We Ask Questions? 1. To gain information: Information transfer depends on questions. Who, what, where, when, why, how, how much are are questioning words for gathering information.
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Why do we ask questions?
2. To stimulate conversation: For socializing. How are you? Have you heard? Did you see? Can you believe? What do you think? Etc.. 3. To gain the other’s views: When you need to know what someone else is thinking, ask. What do you think about...? Can you tell me how you feel about...?
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Why do we ask questions?
4. To check agreement: What does other person think about what you have discussed? Do you think we are on the right track? Can you support this decision? Are we in agreement, Do you have any objections? How does this sound to you? 5. To verify information: Sometimes what you hear is not what you were meant. Asking for feedback is a critical part of the communication process. Did I understand you to mean..? Can I summarize it as...? 125

Why do we ask questions?
6.To build rapport and trust: Rapport and trust are built by showing support for the other person’s goals and objectives. How can I help you? What can I do to help you to meet your objectives? What would you like to accomplish? Tell me about your goals/dreams/objectives?
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The Two Major Types of Questions-Closed
There are two types of questions: 1. Closed:generally simple, information gathering questions. Response to a closed question is usually “yes”, “no” or a very brief answer. Typical closed questions are: What time is it?, Did you finish the project? Are you going to the meeting, can you work overtime tonight? When did you first discovered the problem?
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The Two Major Types of Questions-Closed
Closed question perform the following functions: 1. They allow specific facts to be gathered. What colour do you prefer? 2. They are easy to answer. Will you be finished, by 5.00 p.m.? 3. They are useful in the feedback process where someone wants to check the accuracy or completeness of the communication. Have I got the information right? 128

The Two Major Types of Questions-Closed
4. They can be used to gain commitment to a position. Does this seem right so far? 5. They can be used to reinforce positive statements. This seems like a good plan, doesn’t it? 6. This can be used to direct the conversation to a desired topic or concern. Do you have time to talk the budget?
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The Two Major Types of Questions-Open
Open questions are generally more deep and require longer, more complex answers. Are used to draw out a wide range of responses on a broad topic. Often ask for opinions, thoughts and feelings. • How did you feel about the meeting? • What could we do to make this project better? • How can we meet our objectives? • What is your opinion on the new marketing plan?
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The Two Major Types of Questions-Open
Open questions have the following characteristics: 1. They can not be answered by a simple yes or no. How do you think we could make this process work better? 2. They usually begin with “what or “how”.What do you think about the new benefits policy? 3. They do not lead the answer:What could we make improvements in the new marketing plan
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The Two Major Types of Questions-Open
4. They draw out ideas and feelings. How do you feel about the reorganization of the department? 5. They encourage elaboration on objectives, needs, wants and problems. What do you think about the new employee review system? 6. They promote self-discovery. How do you think the new process will work for your group?
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The Two Major Types of Questions-Open
7.They stimulate thinking about your ideas. Where do you think we might run into problems with this idea? 8.They allow a broad range of responses and styles. How would you change the policy? It is important to know which kind of questionopen or closed- to use to achieve your goals. Both are useful and can help you to achieve several different purposes including:
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The Two Major Types of Questions-Goals
1.Fact-Finding: If you are looking for specific information and data, use closed questions that ask for the detail you need. “What did you accomplish on the project?” will generate more detail than “Did you get a lot done?. Take notes and verify that you understood the information correctly.
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The Two Major Types of Questions-Goals
2.Feeling-finding:to understand a person’s feeling about a subject generally requires open questions.“Are you happy about the project?” Does not get the same response as the open-ended question “How do you feel about the project?”Used properly, feelingfinding questions generate a lot of information about attitudes, convictions and motivations. This type of questions are very powerful, because too seldom asked&listened carefully. 135

The Two Major Types of Questions-Goals
3. Clarifying: Closed questions are used to verify your understanding of a conversation. Do I understand you correctly? Are you referring to ..? Do you mean..? are examples of questions which you may ask to make sure you understand the information being given to you.
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The Two Major Types of Questions-Goals
4. Expanding: Open questions are used to draw out further information on a topic. Can you give me an example? Would you tell me more about that point? What else might be causing a problem? are questions that continue to generate information about the subject.
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The Two Major Types of Questions-Goals
5. Directing: Directing questions are generally closed and point the conversation toward a particular goal. What was the other point you wanted to make? Can we go back and talk about your first item? Could’nt we postpone the decision for a week? With these questions, you want to direct the conversation to a different topic or to lead the person to a particular decision.
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Questioning Strategies I
All forms of communication are improved by planning and understanding the focus of the communication. Questioning is similar. In questioning, or for starting a conversation, you may start with an open, broad question and you may go deeper by choosing any information you received.”Tell me about..”, “How”, “what” or “why” could be show your interest to the other person’s situation.
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Questioning Strategies II Some General Strategies
1. Have a plan: Know what you want to accomplish and what type of questions you will need to use. You do not have the questions written but in advance you should be clear about your objectives. 2. Keep the question simple: It is best to ask for one answer at a time. If there are two or three parts in a question people will tend to answer the last or first or the part which they feel safe.
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Questioning Strategies III Some General Strategies
3. Stay focused: Keep the questions on track and follow a topic to its conclusion. Any question that starts with “By the way..” is probably means that the subject has changed. Hold the question for later. 4. Avoid Ambiguity: Ambiguous questions generate ambiguous answers.
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Questioning Strategies IV Some General Strategies
6. Stay nonthreatening: Trust is a key essential in communication. The wrong question can quickly destroy trust and the relationship. “Why didn’t you...?”, “How could you..?”, Aren’t you...” are the questions which generally make people defensive. Once someone throws up a wall of defense, the opportunity for exchanging information and building a relationship goes away.
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Questioning Strategies V Some General Strategies
7. Ask Permission: If the ares of questioning is sensitive, explain the need for the questions and ask permission before questioning. “The application requires some detail about your financial condition. Woud you mind answering...?”

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Questioning Strategies VI Some General Strategies
7. Avoid manipulation: Keep the relationship as a primary focus. Tricking someone into giving you an answer you want destroys trust and rapport. Would you prefer to work overtime tonight or tomorrow night? Does not give a person the chance to say that he does not want to work overtime at all. Explaining the need for the overtime and asking if he is available has a totally different feel. Manipulation is an attempt to take away a person’s control.
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Making sure with feedback
“It isn’t very far.” “I need it very quickly.” “That will cost a lot of money.” “It will not cost you too much..” These are ambigious words:not clear&net “Call me later and we’ll discuss it.” When? One hour later, today, tomorrow, next week?
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Making sure with feedback II
These kinds of statements which we use very frequently in our daily life, needs to be clarified and confirmed with the other part of the communication. Unless, there may be misunderstandings and lack of information. Feedback and clearification can take the ambiguity out of promises, agreements, schedules, policies and procedures.
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Types of Feedback
Feedback comes in a number of forms. There is verbal, nonverbal, fact and feeling types. Each serves a specific purpose in the communication process. • Verbal Feedback: It is the type which we are most frequenty aware of and most often use.With verbal feedback, you can accomplish a number of favorable objectives such as:
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Types of Feedback-Verbal I
1. to ask for clarification of a message. 2. To give positive and/or negative strokes to the other person. 3. To determine how to structure a presentation that will be meaningful and effective for the other person. 1. to ask for clarification of a message. To improve the accuracy and clarity of a message during a conversation, use clarifying feedback statements such as the following:
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Types of Feedback-Verbal II
• Let me be sure I understand what you’ve said • Let’s see if I can review the key points we’ve discussed. • I hear you saying..... • I think I hear you saying that your central concern is... • As I understand it, your major objectives are..
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Types of Feedback-Verbal III
Clearifying feedback statements can also end with the following: • ...Did I understand you properly? • ...Did I hear you correctly? • ...Was I on target with what you mean? • ..Were those our major concerns? • ...Can you add anything to my summary?
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Types of Feedback-Verbal IV
Using feedback is mostly very critical in the workplace. There is only one way to know if the message you are receiving is the same as the message being sent.That is by asking for clarification, or restating the message with your own words and asking for verification of your understanding.
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Types of Feedback-Verbal V
2. To give positive and/or negative strokes to the other person. When a person does something positive that behaviour needs to be positively reinforcement. Simple statements are in order such as: “The project report you did was clear and concise. Nice job”, “You made it really easy for the for the comittee to understand the issues”, “I really appreciate the extra effort you put in.” and
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Types of Feedback-Verbal VI
“You are doing an excellent job staying with budget”.These statements tell the person specifically what you recognize and appreciate. Given in a timely and consistent manner, this type of feedback lets the person know what kind of performance is required. It encourages them to continue with similar performance.
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Types of Feedback-Verbal VII
On the other hand, when behaviour requires negative feedback, offer it in a private, constructive environment. Ignoring inappropriate performance tends to prolonge it, as silence has been meant as tacit approval. No one likes to be critized, so negative feedback should be directed only at the performance. If possible it must be sandwiched between positive feedback.
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Types of Feedback-Verbal VIII
For example:, use phrases such as: “It’s obvious that you put in a lot of effort on this report. The issues are so complex that it would help if we had a one page summary.”,”Your work is extremely accurate but when you come in late, it puts us all behind schedule.”,”I appreciate your help folding the brochures. Since they will be going to customers, it’s important that they are extremely neat.”
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Types of Feedback-Verbal IX
It is important to make sure you give the person enough specific information so that he can correct his performance in the future. 3. During presentation: By asking simple questions, you can determine whether a presentation is working, whether to proceed in the current direction or modify the approach.
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Types of Feedback-Verbal X
For example in a project planing presentation you may ask, after general brief summary as “Would you like me go into the details of this project, or do you have some other questions that you’d like to ask me first?” allows you to determine the persons present state of mind or level of receptivity. “I sometimes move along so quickly. Is it proper or would you prefer if we go on more slowly for your better understanding?”
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Types of Feedback-Nonverbal I
Nonverbal means the message of positive or negative attitudes, feelings, opinions that you give by using our bodies, eyes, faces, postures and senses. You do this consiously or unconsciously, just as others do with you. The sensitive, perceptive communicator uses the nonverbal feedback he or she is getting from the other person to structure the content and direction of the message.
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Types of Feedback-Nonverbal II
The result is a positive continuance of the interaction and increased trust and credibility in the relationship. The # of the nonverbal feedback is not as important as how you interpret it and react to it. These signals help you realize when you are loosing the other person’s interest. You can react by changing your pace, topic or style to recapture the person’s interest or trust
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Types of Feedback-Nonverbal III
Nonverbal feedback is very important in manager/employee relations.Too often ineffective communications between managers and employees result in “mixed messages” This means that while one message is being verbalized, something totally different is being stated through vocal intonation and body language.
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Types of Feedback-Nonverbal IV
Mixed messages create tension, distrust. Rightly and wrongly, the person feels that you are purposely hiding something. It is extremely important to keep your verbal and nonverbal messages syncronized. As we mentioned in listening “acknowledgement” is very important. People do not want to speak to people who do not respond or show any emotion. They want to see feedback to feel safe.
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Types of Feedback-Fact I
Like fact-finding questions, fact feedback is about specific data and information. Fact feedback is asking a spesific, closed question or making a spesific statement of the facts as you know it and asking for clarification. When you are depending on the other people’s facts and they are depending on yours, it is critical to get and give the information exactly. Fact feedback is also used in words.
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Types of Feedback-Fact II
• Due to recent layoffs, all employees are expected to work harder. • There will be a short wait for a table. • Don’t spend too much time on that job. • In this company, we are liberal and democratic. • Major credit cards are excepted • We will be visiting NY&Chicago . We expect to open our first unit there.
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Types of Feedback-Fact III
• What exactly do you mean by “working harder” How much hours may be the overtime? • How long is the wait? Will we wait 15 mnt or .? • How much time should I spent on the job? Is there a deadline? • Whatdo you mean by liberal and democratic? • Which major credit cards? Do you accept visa? • Which city will have the first unit?
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Types of Feedback-Feeling I
What are the underlying causes and motivations behind her message and her facts? How much personal feelings does her message carry for her? How does she really feel about what she is saying to you? Does she know whether her message is really getting through to you, at feeling level? All these questions underscore the importance of feeling feedback. 165

Types of Feedback-Feeling II
Feeling feedback is especially important in organizations.. Perhaps because it is so seldom requested. The old school of business etiquette believed that feelings had no place at work. Personal lives, feelings and emotional involvements were to be left in entrance of the work. We know today that this is impossible and not useful also.
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Types of Feedback-Feeling III
Research has shown that one of the most effective ways to handle organizational change is to let people “chat” about how they feel about the change. Just the process of talking about how they feel helps them adapt to the change.

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Types of Feedback-Feeling IV
Organizations are a complex web of people working to achieve a common purpose. As organizational life becomes more complex and more demanding, it requires the full commitment of each member to achieve the organizational goals. Full commitment requires an environment of trust that allows each person to express his or her thoughts and feelings openly.
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Types of Feedback-Feeling V
Organizations that request and provide a high level of feeling feedback understand that the feelings of each person are critical part of the communication process. It is as important to understand the feelings inherent in a message, as it is to understand the facts of the message.
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Types of Feedback-Feeling VI
Feeling Feedback should be two-directional: You need to make effort to understand the feelings, emotions and attitudes that underlie the messages that come to you. In addition, you should clearly project feeling feedback to the other person to let her know that her message has gotten through to you, at feeling level.
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Types of Feedback-Feeling VII
Followings are candidates for feeling feedback questions: • I am tired of all the politics around here. • My last review was a joke • Quality is just another management fashion • No one cares about my problems • Another organisation.. Nothing will change.
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Types of Feedback-Feeling VIII
Examples of requests for feeling feedback would be: • How are the “politics” here affecting you? • What’s bothering you about your last review? • Whay do you feel that management isn’nt committed to the quality program? • What would make you feel like the organization cared about your problems? • How do you feel about the reorganization?
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Types of Feedback-Feeling IX
Fact feedback is meeting of minds, feeling feedback is meeting of hearts. It is just effective use of empathy.When you can really experience the other person’s true feelings and understand where she is coming from and project this emotional awareness to her, it serves to reinforce rapport, lower interpersonal tension, and significantly increase trust. Supporting behaviours and nonverbal signals are important in feeling feedback process.
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The Keys to Effective Feedback I
Through the effective use of feedback skills, you can create a good communication climate. Give and Get Definitions: The meanings and the interpretations of the words and phrases may differ according to the different people, group, region and society. There are many many different meanings of the words, in addition to the loaded meanings. So we need definitions.
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The Keys to Effective Feedback II
Do Not Assume: Because it is dangerous. Do not assume anything in communications. Do not assume that you and the other part are talking about the same thing. Do not assume that the words has the same meaning or automatically understood. Use more feedback and fewer assumptions, to be more accurate and be sure everone is unique and has a different frame of reference.
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The Keys to Effective Feedback III
Ask Questions: Rule is This: “If there is a doubt, check it out”. Questioning is a method for checking. Clarifying questions, expansion questions, direction questions, fact-finding questions, feeling-finding questions and open questions can be used for effective feedback
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The Keys to Effective Feedback IV
Speak The Same Language: Avoid from using technical and ambiguous words. If the people do not understand you, this may increase suspect and distrust. Stay Tuned In: Observe the other person. Be sensitive to the feelings and related nonverbal signals to perceive and accord the management of the conversation.
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The Keys to Effective Feedback V
Give Feedback On The Behaviour, Not The Person This is about positive and negative strokes. Relate the feedback with the action or behaviour to be praised or punished. Never direct it to personality of the person. Indicating specificaly, the behaviour and action, give the person the chance to understand and work on for better performance. Many ineffective managers loose employees who has correctable mistakes.
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The Keys to Effective Feedback VI
Track The Good Timing: There are times when it is best not to give feedback. Take a deep breath, close your mouth and restrain your body language and facial expressions in these situations. When the person was more sensitive it is much better to postpone the process. Effective feedback can decrease interpersonal tension and build trust and credibility if used properly.
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Conflict Resolution
People naturally disagree about what to do, how to do, and when to do it. That interaction of ideas and opinions sparks new ideas and leads to better solutios and plans of action. However when differences of opinion are accompanied by too much emotional committment, the resulting conflict can be damaging.
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Nature of Conflict
Conflict does not need to be destroying. Open communication without emotional explosions is the key method for resolution. Thre are three components of conflict: 1. Two or more persons are involved 2. There are different perceptions of ideas, actions, beliefs or goals. 3. The opposing sides see their way as the only way.
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Common Sources Of Conflict I
• Ambigious Responsibility Levels: Clear job descriptions and and organization charts can help prevent these conflicts. • Limited Resources: Generally every department require to extend their share in limited sources and maximize its own results. • Conflict of Interest: Each individual in an organization needs to know how his own goals and efforts fit within the organization’s. Individuals may conflict for their own targets.
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Common Sources Of Conflict II
• Communication Barriers: Differing perceptions, language, ineffective listening, “style” differences, power and status barriers. Communication training is the solution for this. • Interdependency: Increasingly our ability to accomplish our goals and objectives depends on the cooperation and asistance for others. This interdependency increases conflict.
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Common Sources Of Conflict III
Increased Interaction:The more people interact, the more potential there is for conflict. The trend toward increasing levels of participation and teamwork indicates a higher level of conflict and a greater need for conflict resolution skills. Competition: For rewards such as promotions, recognition conflict is natural. If the organization rewards the person who has no rules or values for the success, or if someone promote, conflict appear.
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The Four Phases of Conflict
Conflict may occur between individuals, groups and organizations. Phase are the same. 1. First:Appears in change.A budget cutback, a new project, change of manager or value etc. 2. Perceived: The point at which members are becoming aware of the problem& the tension. 3. Felt: Internal tensions and frustrations begin to be defined and people begin to built emotions. 4. Last: Opposing parties try to frustrate one 185 another. Conflict is very obvious at this point.

Strategies For Managing Conflict I
Each strategy has advantages&disadvantages. In any case, familiarize yourself with them. Avoidance:Rarely work, ostrich approach. Accommodation:Someone sacrifies or say OK Domination:Someone imposes a solution. Negotiation:Involves moderate levels of cooperation and assertiveness. Partly win &loose
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Strategies For Managing Conflict II
Collaboration:Requires a high level of cooperation and assertiveness. Takes time& effort, probe for the real needs and creative, longlasting solutions. Through open communication, it takes time but efficient. There are 4 components of collaboration:
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4 Components of Collaboration I
1. Understanding&Respecting: Collaboration assumes an equality for all parties.The goals and objectives of each person are presented equally regardless the positions. All of the goals and objectives need to be ranked and evaluated logically with participation of all the parties. Each member tries to stay focused on the organization’s goals rather than on individual objectives. Tone of voice
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4 Components of Collaboration II
2. Assertiveness:For a collaboration to succeed, each person must feel safe in expressing his ideas and opinions. Each position needs to be presented as powerfully possible. People often confuse assertiveness with agression. Agression is assertiveness without regard for the needs of the other person. Assertiveness says: Here’s my position..What’s yours.? Agression is: Here’s my position..Take it or leave it.
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4 Components of Collaboration III
3. Creative Problem-Solving: Good creative problem-solving skills can help define a solution that results in a win for each person. It is important to focus on the problem rather then specific solutions. Spend time identifying as many potential solutions as possible before proceeding with evaluation. Avoid dwelling on the history of the problem which often involves placing blame.
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Strategies For Managing Conflict VI
4. Confrontation: This is a specific communication strategy, a way to change behaviour through constructive feedback During an emotionally charged conflict resolution session, it is often necessary to use confrontation to break through a communication barrier. To tell the other one what his behaviour creates as a problem
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Details of Confrontation
Confrontation process allows you to get at the root causes of the conflict in a productive manner. You are indirectly trying to say. “Let’s exchange ideas-pleasantly and comfortably. I will try to hear you will take your opinion into account before I state mine. Than I want you hear my opinions and them into account. Once we have exchanged our opinions, we will decide on the best option. This is not a contest for superiority.”
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Levels of Confrontation I
There are levels of confrontation which starts with understanding till behavioural change. 1. Reflection: Demonstrate your sincere desire to understand the person’s feelings and needs. You gather data and build rapport with the person. By reflecting the feelings you hear the person expressing, you give him a chance to correct your impression ant to work on your comment. An example:
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Levels of Confrontation II
“I understand that you feel/think___________ because________________.” “I understand that you feel unappreciated because you are not invited to the weekly staff meetings.”

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Levels of Confrontation III
2. I Statement: With I statements you reveal your feelings, asserting your own needs and objectives in a nonjudgemental fashion. You want the other person to understand your feelings and reasons. A general form: “I feel_______when you______because___” “I feel angry when you ignore the safety rules because you and others may get hurt.”
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Levels of Confrontation IV
3. Diplomatic Disagreement: In the diplomatic disagreement stage you try to achieve understanding in a gentle, tactful manner. You want the other person to understand your reasoning and you try to understand his. You want the person to know that you value the relationship. The format for this stage includes reflection & I statement.
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Levels of Confrontation V
“You feel/think________________.” “I appreciate your position and understand that __________.” “I understand that you think we need a new computer.” “I appreciate your position and realize that you think it will improve our productivity.” “ I believe we should wait because a new model is about to be released.”
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Levels of Confrontation VI
4. Gentle Confrontation: In gentle confrontation you try to cause a change in behaviour and built the relationship at the same time. You want to suggest the change in a tactful manner. The format includes reflection, an indication that other person is valued, an I statement and indication od consequences. Format and the example:
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Levels of Confrontation VII
“You feel/think_______.” “I appreciate your position and I understand that_____________.” “I feel____________because.” “If this continues it will cause__________”
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Levels of Confrontation VIII
“You think the accounting department should pay our vendors immediately.” “I appreciate your position and understand that it helps you negotiate better prices.” I feel frustrated, however, because I am trying to manage our cash flow as well as our profits. If you continue to pressure the accounting dept., it will make it much more difficult for me to manage the cash flow and the investments. That could result in vendors going unpaid and a reduction in profits which could impact our 200 profit sharing.

Levels of Confrontation IX
5. Firm Confrontation: In the firm confrontation you try to clear up disagreements and cause a definite change in behaviour. The change in behaviour is your primary objective. The added statement is in the format: “I would appreciate it in the future if you would__________.” “In the future I would appreciate it if you would come to me for any special early payment requests.”
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Some Basic Guidelines on Confrontation I
There are some guidelines for more productive confrontation process. Timing:Is the person ready to listen? About coming late it is the worst time to discuss it while he was check in. He knows he is late. Wait for a positive something to say and add how his lateness affect his overall perception of his commitment and performance.
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Some Basic Guidelines on Confrontation II
Focus on Current Specifics: Talk about behaviour that is happening today, not something happened last week or last month. State Your Feelings:When you tell someone how you feel, you are keeping the conversation open rather than focusing it only on the other person.”When you come to work late, I feel really angry because the rest of us have to wait for you before we can start on the project.”
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Confrontation
It is a powerful conflict resolution strategy which requires a great deal of skill and practice. When it applies # of conflicts can be resolved more productively. It is also important to remember that people only change when it is in their best interest to do so. You can not change anyone but canmotivate someone to change.
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Strategies to AVOIDNot to do list I
Minimization: Sometimes we do not recognize the seriousness of an action or perception, we response with through humor or sarcasm. When this happens on the other person feels unvalued or belittled. Often the person takes your minimization as a personal attack. When someone brings a problem to us, first acknowledge it.
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Strategies to AVOIDNot to do list-II
Example for minimization: Engineer: I’m afraid the O-ring might fail at low temperatures. Manager 1: That’s not your problem. Worry about how we’re going to meet our next deadline. Manager 2: I appreciate your concern. What makes you think that?
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Strategies to AVOIDNot to do list-III
Blame: While blame can often be attached to the last person who touched a situation, most problems are too complex to be totally caused by one person or one factor. The focus should be on preventing future problems rather than placing blame. Salesperson:We didn’t get the Smith account. Manager 1:What did you do wrong? Manager 2:What could we have done better?
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Strategies to AVOIDNot to do list-IV
Unloading: When people have worked together for a long time, there are often numerous small injuries which have gone unmentioned. When a larger problem sparks a conflict, all the past baggage come to the mind. While it might make the person unloading feel better, this is not a productive solution strategy. The other person might say “You should say these before, when the problem occured.”
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Strategies to AVOIDNot to do list-V
Example for Unloading: Employee arrives at work late. Manager 1: Not only you are late but last week there was an addition error in the report you submitted and you never have turned in the Murphy proposal that was due over a month ago. Manager 2: Is everything ok? I know you were only a few minutes late but you normally seem so committed and recently you’ve seemed to be distracted. Is there anything I can do?
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Strategies to AVOIDNot to do list-VI
Hitting touchy areas: As we work with people, we begin to understand their sensitivities. Hitting one of those touchy areas can escalate a conflict out of control and make it very difficult to regain the lost ground.

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Strategies to AVOIDNot to do list-VII
Situation: Employee misses a meeting. Coworker 1: No wonder you were fired from your last job. Obviously you’re incapable of managing your time Coworker 2: I really needed your support in this morning’s meeting. You know I took a time management course that really seemed to help me get organized. May be you should take it next time it’s offered.
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Strategies to AVOIDNot to do list-VIII
Manipulation: Using personal charm or approval to get someone to do something you want done without regard to the other person’s needs or objectives. This also includes witholding approval or rewards in order to get the desired action.
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Strategies to AVOIDNot to do list-IX
Example for Manipulasyon:Manager wants an employee to work overtime. Manager 1: If you’ll work overtime tonight, I’ll remember it when review time comes up Manager 2: I am sorry to ask you at the last minute, but we have a crisis with ABC project. If we don’t get it finished tonight, the company may loose the whole project.Could you possibly work tonight? 213

Strategies to AVOIDNot to do list-X
Force: This is the “I don’t care what you want, do it my way now!”approach. If all you want is to get an immediate action, it works. And if it’s only used on extremely rare occasion, it’s an effective way to get something done immediately. But it’s demoralising to the other person because it does not acknowledge his worth or his ideas.
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Strategies to AVOIDNot to do list-XI
Example of Force: Manager wants to change the work schedule. Manager 1: From now on our hours are 10.00 a.m. to 7.00 p.m. Manager 2: Studies show that the prime hours for our customers are 10.00 a.m. To 7 p.m. We need to develop a system that will allow us to give the best possible service to our customers during those hours. Do you have any suggestions? 215

Conflict Resolution Behaviours I
There are 5 basic behaviours which will help you resolve conflict in almost any sitution you encounter. They will allow you to benefit from positive disagreement without having those disagreements escalate into out-ofcontrol personality conflicts that damage the morale and productivity of the organization. These basics are:
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Conflict Resolution Behaviours II
Openness: State your feelings and thoughts openly, directly and honestly without trying to hide or disguise the real object of your disagreement. Don’t atribute negative statements about the other person to unknown others. Use I statements and talk about how you feel and what you want. Focus on current problems& on identifying problems.
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Conflict Resolution Behaviours III
Emphaty: Listen with emphaty. Try to understand and feel what the other person is feeling and to see the situation from others point of view. Demonstrate your understanding and validate the other person’s feelings. Comments such as I appreciate how you feel..I understand your feelings.. I’m sorry I made you feel that way.. Let the other person know that you are sincere in understanding her views.
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Conflict Resolution Behaviours IV
Supportiveness: Describe the behaviours you have difficulty with rather than evaluating them. Express your concern for and support of the other person. Let him know, you want to find a solution that benefits both of you. State your position with a willingness to change your opinion if appropriate reasons are given. Be willing to support the other’s position if it makes sense to do so.
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Conflict Resolution Behaviours V
Positiveness: • Try to identify areas of agreement and emphasize those. • Look at the conflict as a way to better understand ing the entire situation and possibly find a new and better solution. • Be positive about the other person and your relationship. • Express your commitment for finding a resolution that works for everyone. 220

Conflict Resolution Behaviours VI
Equality: • Treat the other person and his ideas and opinions as equal. • Give the person the time and space to completely express his ideas. • Evaluate all ideas and positions logically and without regard to ownership.
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Benefits of Conflict Resolution I
• Conflict resolution offer many benefits if we can resolve them productively. • Healthy disagreement can have a positive, generating effect. • As people are forced to work through a problem to its solution, they get a chance to better understanding the point of view of others.
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Benefits of Conflict Resolution II
Successfull resolution of small conflicts can diffuse the possibility of more serious conflicts and result in better working relationship. The process of exploring problems collaboratively can lead us to acquire more information, new perceptions, new ideas and determine key issues under the surface.
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