Self assesment

First
• Are you more direct or indirect?
• Are you more supporting or controlling?
Second
• Think of a “difficult” person with whom
would like to communicate better.
• Source of the difficulty is the differency of
personal styles.
1
 Being open to different styles
• Knowing which personal style best
describes you and the other people you need
to communicate with is an important step
in analyzing and improving your
communication skills.
• Each personal type has a different way of
perceiving the world, behaving and
communicating.Learn to reach them..
2
 Four Behavioural Styles
Supporting
(relationship-oriented)

the relater the socializer

style style Direct
Indirect
(slowpace) (fast-paced)
the thinker the director
style style

Controlling
(task oriented)
3
 The Socializer I
• Socializers are direct and supportive
• Friendly,enthusiastic, action people
• Like applause, admiration, compliments
• Tend to place more priority to relations than
tasks, like to have fun and enjoy life
• They influence others with great
persuasion.
4
 The Socializer II
• Need interaction and contact with people
• Are risk taker and based on more intuition.
• Act and decide spontaneously
• Are concerned with approval and appearences
• Think emotionally
• Think about the “big picture”, get bored with
details
5
 The Socializer III
• Like changes and innovations
• Needs help in getting organized
• Dislike conflict
• Maintain a positive, optimistic orientation
to life
• Exaggerate and generalize
• Tend to dream and get others caught up in
the dreams
6
 The Socializer IV
• Jump from one activity to another
• Work quickly and excitedly with others
• Seek esteem and acknowledgement from others
• Disorganised, touchers, motivational
• For balance they need to control their time, and
emotions, be more objective, concentrate on the
task, take more logical approach to projects, spend
more time with checking, verifying, specifying

7
 The Director I
• Directors are direct and controlling
• They are driven by an inner need to take
charge of situations
• Are firm in their relationships with others,
oriented toward productivity and goals and
concerned with bottomline results
• They may seem tough, impatient, stubborn

8
 The Director II
• Need to be in charge, dislike action
• Act quickly and decisively
• Think logically, power oriented
• Want facts and highlights
• Strive for results, sometimes workholic
• Need personal freedom to manage self and
others
9
 The Director III
• Like changes
• Prefer to delegate details
• Cool, independent and competetive
• Low tolerance for feelings, attitudes and
advise of others
• Work quickly and impressively alone
• Want to be recognized for their
accomplishment
10
 The Director IV
• Have a tendency to engage in arguments and
conflict, decisive, precise, efficient
• Have good administrative skills
• Always in a hurry and talk business shortly
• For more balance they need to learn active
listening, patience, sensitivity, humility,
respect to rules, team work, to show concern
to others, project more relaxed image
11
 The Thinker I
• Thinkers are both indirect and controlling.
• Analytical, persistent, problem-solver
• Security conscious, in high need to be right
• Slow to reach a decision but decisive
• Uncomfortable with illogical people
• Are non-contact people, not touchers

12
 The Thinker II
• Think logically and analytically
• Need data
• Need to be right
• Like organization and structure
• Ask many questions about specific details
• Prefer objective, task oriented intellectual
work environment
13
 The Thinker III
• Need to understand the process
• Are cautious decision-makers
• Prefer to do things themselves
• Work slowly and precisely alone
• Like to be admired for their accuracy
• Avoid conflict
• Like to contemplate
14
 The Thinker IV
• Disciplined about time, rigid, like charts&graphics
• Critical for their own performance
• Tend to be accountants, engineers, computer
programmers, system analysts, architects,
chemists, physician, maths.
• For balance they need to improve timely
decisionmaking, initiation of new projects, to
show concern for others, try timesavers&shortcuts
• Adjust more disorganization and change,

15
 The Relater I
• Relaters are supporting and indirect.
• They are the most people-oriented of all 4
• Having close, friendly, personal relations
with others is one of the their most
important objectives, and dislike conflict.
• Have good counselling skills and supportive
• Excellent listenners and like good listeners
16
 The Relater II
• Concerned with stability
• Think logically
• Want documentation and facts
• Need personal involvement
• Take action and make decisions slowly
• Need to know step by step sequence
• Avoid risks and changes
17
 The Relater III
• Work slowly with others
• Try to accomodate others
• Want tranquility and peace
• Seek security and belongingness
• Enjoy teamwork
• Want to know they are appreciated

18
 The Relater IV
• Have strong networks of people like them
• Unassertive, warm, reliable, soft-hearted
• Compliant, slow in taking action, avoid risk
• Good trust builders, good team players
• Thet are irritated by pushy, agressive people
• Ideal occupations are counselling,teaching,
social work, nursing, human resources,
19
 The Relater V
• Primary strenghts of Relaters are caring for
and loving others
• They like others to be friendly, courteous,
genuine, responsible and sensitive
• For more balance need to learn to say “no” ,
to be more task-oriented and less sensetive
for others, be willing to reach from comfort
zone to set goals and to delegate it to others.

20
 The Four Style in Business Life
• The Socializers like other-people to be risk-
takers and act quickly, and decisively
• The Directors like others to be decisive,
efficient, receptive and intelligent
• The Thinkers like others to be credible,
professional, sincere and courteous
• The Relaters like others to be courteous and
friendly with sharing responsibilities
21
 The Four Style in Social Life
• The Socializers like others to be unhibited,
spontaneous and entertaining
• The Directors like others to be assertive,
clever and has sense of humour
• The Thinker like others to be pleasant and
sincere
• The Relaters like others to be with real
personalities and friendly
22
 The Four Style At Glance
Relater • Socializer
• Relationship-oriented • Relationship-oriented
• Moves, act and speaks • Moves, acts, speak quickly
slowly • Risk- taker
• Wants tranquility peace • Wants excitement &change
• Enjoys teamwork • Enjoy spotlight
• Good counselling skills • Good persuasive skills

23
 The Four Style At Glance
Thinker Director
• Task-oriented • Task-oriented
• Moves, acts and speaks • Moves, acts and speaks
slowly quickly
• Wants to be accurate • Wants to be in charge
• Enjoys solitary, • Gets results through others
intellectual work • Makes decisions quickly
• Cautious decision-makers • Good administrative skills
• Good problem-solving
skills
24
 Adapting Yourself I
If you are a Director
Lower your emphasis Develop and
on demonstrate more
Control of other people Supportive skills and
actions such as
listening, questioning,
and positive
reinforcement

25
 Adapting Yourself II
If you are a Socializer
Lower your emphasis Develop and
on demonstrate more
Need for approval from Directive skills and
other people or groups actions such as self-
assertion, conflict-
resolution, negotiations

26
 Adapting Yourself III
If you are a Relater
Lower your emphasis Develop and
on demonstrate more
Resistance to try new or Directive skills and
different opportunities actions such as
negotiation and
divergent thinking

27
 Adapting Yourself IV
If you are a Thinker
Lower your emphasis Develop and
on demonstrate more
Unnecessary Supportive skills and
perfectionism and the actions such as
emphatic listening,
tendency to focus on positive reinforcement
weakness of others, involvement
with others with
complementary
strengths
28
 Communicating with
Socializers I
Direct &Supporting people who talk, move
and make-decision quickly and they are
relation oriented:
• Support their opinions
• Allow the discussion to flow, even go on far
• Be entertaining and fast moving

29
 Communicating with
Socializers II
• Avoid conflict and arguments
• Agree and make notes of the specifies of
any agreement
• Compliment their appearance, creative
ideas, persuasiveness, and charisma
• Allow them to “get things off their chest”

30
 Communicating with
Directors I
Direct &Controlling People, who talk, move
and make decisions quickly, and they are
task-oriented
• Support their goals and objectives
• Talk about the desired results
• Keep your communication businesslike

31
 Communicating with
Directors II
• Recognize their ideas rather than them
personally
• Be precise, efficient, well-organised
• Provide them clearly described options with
supporting analysis
• Arguing on facts, not feelings when
disagreements occur
32
 Communicating with
Thinkers I
Indirect &Controlling people who move and
make decisions more slowly. They are task-
oriented.
• Be thorough and well prepared
• Support their organized, thoughtful approach
• Support their need to be accurate and logical
• Demonstrate through actions rather than
words
33
 Communicating with
Thinkers II
• Compliment their efficiency, thought
process and organization
• Be systematic, exact, organised and
prepared
• Describe a process in detail and explain
how it will produce results
• Ask questions and let them show you how
much they know
34
 Communicating with
Thinkers III
• Allow time for deliberation and analysis
• Answer questions and provide details and
analysis
• List advantages and disadvantages of any
plan
• Provide solid, tangible, factual evidence

35
 Communicating with
Relaters I
• Be warm and sincere
• Support their feelings by showing personal
interest
• Assume that they will take everythink
personally
• Allow them time to develop trust in you
• Move along in an informal and slow manner

36
 Communicating with
Relaters II
• Actively listen
• Discuss personal feelings in the event of a
disagreement
• Discuss and support relationship
• Compliment their teamwork, their
relationships with others and their ability to
“get along”
37
 One-Dimensional Adapting
Sometimes you may want to adapt your style
but you may be not sure what style the other
person has. If you recognised one
dimension, you may adapt yourself in that
way and this may be enough.

38
 Increasing Directness I
If the person is Direct (moves and speaks
quickly; readily expresses thoughts and
feelings) you can increase the directness of
your conversation by the following:
• Speaking in a faster pace
• Initiating conversations and decisions
• Giving recommendations and not asking for
opinions
39
 Increasing Directness I
• Using direct statements rather than
roundabout questions
• Communicating with a strong, confident voice
• Challenging and tactfully disagreeing when
appropriate
• Facing conflict openly but not initiating it
• Increasing eye contact
40
 Increasing Indirectedness I
If the person is Indirect (moves and speaks
more slowly, is cautious in expressing
personal thoughts and feelings,and in making
decisions) you can increase your
Indirectedness by the following:
• Talking and making decisions more slowly
• Seeking and acknowledgin the opinions of
others
• Sharing decision-making and leadership
41
 Increasing Indirectness II
• Showing less energy, Being more mellow.
• Not interrupting
• Providing pauses to allow other person
speak
• Refraining from criticizing, challenging, or
acting pushy
• Choosing words carefully when disagreeing
42
 Increasing Supportingness I
If the person is Supporting( motivated by
relationships and feelings), you can increase
your Supportingness by the following:
• Sharing your feelings and letting your
emotions show
• Responding to the expression of other’s
feeling

43
 Increasing Supportingness II
• Paying personal compliments
• Taking time to develop relationship
• Using friendly language
• Communicating more, loosening up, and
standing closer
• Be willing to digress from the agenda,
going with the flow
44
 Increasing Controllingness I
If the person is Controlling (motivated by the
task at hand and accomplishing goals) you
can increase your controllingness by
following:
• Getting right to the task or the bottom line
• Maintaining more of a logical, factual
orientation

45
 Increasing Controllingness I
• Keeping to the agenda
• Leaving when the work is done; not wasting
time
• Not initiating physical contact
• Downplaying enthusiasm and body
movement
• Using businesslike language
46
 We learned that
Dynamic communication that persuades influences
requires a speaker and a listener who are on the
same wavelenght
• By understanding 4 styles, you have the basis for
expanding your communication potential
• People are different in communication
• It is possible to avoid from pitfalls
• It is possible to be speaking as multistyle

47
 Next Lesson
We will work on
Verbal and Nonverbal Communication

48
 Lesson II
We will learn
Verbal Communication
• Active listening
• Art of Asking Questions
• Using Feedback
• Conflict resolution(1.part)

49
 Verbal Communication

• Sending the messages verbally.

We may use 4 styles for efficient sending.

• Receiving the messages accurately.

We need active listening, asking questions
and giving feedback

50
 Listening
The most important skill of a manager is ...?..
Ineffective or poor listening is the most
frequent causes of misunderstandings,
mistakes, unhappy customers, low morale
emloyee, missed sales, in private life
divorces and parent-child conflicts.
Poor listeners seem disinterested, self-centered

51
 Reasons of Poor Listening I

Reasons of poor listening are as follows:

• Listening is hard work: requires
concentration
• Competition:competition of taking our
attention by advertisements, radio, TV etc.
• The rush to action: we think that we know
what someone is going to say and interrupt.
52
 Reasons of Poor Listening II
• Speed Difference: The difference between
speech speed and thought speed listening
gap. Average person speaks at about 135-
175 words a minute, but can listen to 400-
500 words a minute. The gap time spent
jumping into conclusions, daydreaming,
planning a reply or mentally arguing with
the speaker.
53
 Reasons of Poor Listening III
Lack of training: we do more listening than
speaking, reading or writing but we
receive no formal education for good
listening.
The average employee spends about 3
quarters of each working day in verbal
communications. Nearly half of it is spent
on listening.
54
 Reasons of Poor Listening
The typical employee’s listening effectiveness is
only 25 percent.
Three-fourths of everything that employee hears is
distorted or quickly forgotten.
The normal untrained listener is likely to
understand only about 50% of a conversation
After 48 hours it drops to 25%.
That means it is normal forgetting the discussion.
55
 Benefits of Better Listening
It improves relationships:
Listening to someone makes them feel good
about you which leads to increased trust and
credibility and an increased willingness
toward cooperation

56
 Benefits of Better Listening
There are fewer Misunderstandings
Fewer errors result in lower costs, better
products and services and higher profits
Better Understanding
Better listening improves the transfer of
information, improves teamwork, builds
morale and leads to higher productivity
57
 Four Levels of Listening
People typically listen at one of four basic
levels of attentiveness. Each category
requires a particular depth of concentration
and sensitivity on the part of listener. As
you move from the first, to the next level,
listeners potential for understanding, trust
and effective communication increases.

58
 Nonlistening I
The nonlistener does not hear the speaker at all.
In fact, no effort is made to hear the speaker.
Recognized by her blank stare and nervous
mannerism and gestures
Non listener wants to do all or most of the
speaking, constantly interrupts, always has
to have the last word.
59
 Nonlistening II

The nonlistener is usually considered a social

boor and know-it-all, perceived as
insensitive and nonunderstanding.

The nonlistener is typically disliked or merely

“tolerated”
60
 Marginal Listening I
Hears the sounds and the words but not the
meaning and intent. The message is not
really heard. Just stays on the surface of the
argument or problem, never risking to go
deeper.Try to find noises to have an excuse
for not deeply listening. Prefer to listen only
for the data, bottom line instead of main
ideas.
61
 Marginal Listening II
Marginal listening is hazardous, because
misunderstanding are possible. In 1st level
speaker may notice the non-listener but may
not notice the marginal listeners level of
understanding. In workplace, it is a source
of low morale, misunderstandings, errors
and problems.

62
 Evaluative Listening I
More concentration and attention are required
at this level. The evaluative listener is
actively try to hear what the speaker is
saying but is not making An effort to
understand the speakers intent. Tends to be
a logical listener, more concentrated about
the content than feelings.

63
 Evaluative Listening II
Evaluative listener tends to stay away
emotionally from the conversation.
Evaluates the message strictly on the basis
of words delivered, totally ignoring that part
of the message carried in the speakers vocal
intonation, body language and facial
expressions. Thinks that she understand but
the speaker does not think so.Critizes
speaker’s dressing or count the buzzy words
64
 Active Listening I
Unquestionably the most comprehensive and
powerfull level of listening. Demanding and
tiring because it requires the deepest level of
concentration, attention and mental as well a
emotional processing effort.
Active listener refrains from coming to
judgement about the speaker’s message,
instead focusing on understanding her point
of view.
65
 Active Listening II
Attention is concentrated on the thoughts and
the feelings of other person as well as the
spoken word.
To listen in this manner requires our initial
suspension of our own thoughts and the
feelings in order to give attention solely to
the message and intent of the speaker.
“emphaty”. It requires listener give
verbal&nonverbal feedback to the speaker
what is totally being understood. 66
Developing Listening Proficiency
You should develop 6 separate skills:CARESS
Concentrate
Acknowledge
Research
Exercise Emotional Control
Sense the nonverbals
Structure
67
 The CARESS Model I
Concentrate:
Focus your attention on the speaker and only
on the speaker. That will help you to
eliminate environmental “noise” and help
you “receive” the message clearly.

There are 3 major categories of barriers/noise

68
 The CARESS Model I
Concentrate
External Environmental Barriers:
Noises in the room, other people talking, poor
acoustics, uncomfortable, cold, hot room,
visitors, outside traffic, TV, radio, telephone
External Speaker-Related Bariers:
Speakers dressing style, accent or speaking
style, disturbing behaviours,

69
 The CARESS Model I
Concentrate
Internal Listener-Related Barriers are 2 types:
Internal Physical Barriers:Bad timing like times
close to quitting or lunch times. Pain,
discomfort, stress, fatigue prevent attention
Internal Phychological Barriers:Inner voice,
boredom, daydreaming, personal values and
beliefs, past experiences, future expectations.

70
 The CARESS Model I
Concentrate
All of this barriers create incredible distractions
which prevent the communication.
To begin lowering these barriers we have to
assess whether they are in our control or not.
Try to control and overcome the barriers.Then,
for concentrating,do deep breathing, decide to
listen with attention for learning, mentally
paraphrase the info, maintain eye contact
71
 The CARESS Model II
Acknowledge:
When you acknowledge your speaker, you
demonstrate your interest and attention.
Your acknowledgement encourages the
speaker and actually helps the speaker send
a clearer message. If it is acceptable do not
hesitate to show acceptance for avoiding to
stop the communication.
72
 The CARESS Model II
Acnowledge
Think about how you like to be listened to:
• eye contact
• Verbal responses and participation like
asking questions an vocal prompts: “hmm”,
• Gestures like smiling, leaning forward with
interest, smiling, nodding of the head,
sitting directly facing with speaker
• Clarifying points by asking questions or
restating the point to be sure about message
73
 The CARESS Model III
Research:
Gather information about your speaker, his
interests and objectives. This will help you
understand the message, ask questions for a
more in-depth conversation and respond to
the speaker in a way that promotes
communication.

74
 The CARESS Model III
Research
As Listening skill, research allows you to
clarify the message, go to deeper topic.
As research tools asking questions and giving
feedback let the communication flow easier.
If only speaker is talking listeners only listen,
this can create tension and suspicion on the
part of speaker. Skillfull research help
listener to reveal inner feelings, motives,
needs, goals an desires.
Another technique is emphathy statements. 75
 The CARESS Model III
Research
There are 3 parts of emphathy statements:
Tentative Statement
Defining the feeling
Putting it into its situational context
“It seems to me,
me you’re very frustrated
because you can’t get the product to work
the way you want it to work
76
 The CARESS Model III
Research
Emphathy statements proves your attention.
Encourage speaker to share feelings. It is a good
way to get people open up and share thoughts
with you.
Gives opportunity to the speaker refine, expand
or correct message
By affirming the speaker’s feelings, build an
emotional bound between the speaker &the
listener.
77
 The CARESS Model IV

Exercise Emotional Control:

Deal with highly charged messages in a
thoughtful manner and wait until the entire
message is received before reacting.
Regardless of how provocative the message
is, you must concentrate on understanding it
first.

78
 The CARESS Model IV
Exercise Emotional Control
What causes an emotional overreaction? Often
differences in values, beliefs, attitudes,
education, image etc. can cause...
Dressing style, too casual or to high-powered..
Speaker’s accent, regional differences.
Looded words as religious, ethnic, racial or
political words or humor may cause reaction
These blocks the meaning of the message.
79
 The CARESS Model IV
Exercise Emotional Control
Do emotional control by recognizing and
redirecting your negative emotional
reactions.
Recognize by increased heartbeat, respiration
or facial flush that you are getting upset.
Redirect your reaction by pause, common
ground and visualizing calm

80
 The CARESS Model IV
Exercise Emotional Control
Pause: or delay of action with taking deep breath, or
counting till ten and try to calm down
Common ground: Try to think about what you have in
common with the speaker, rather than focusing on
what is different
Visualize calm: Imagine yourself calm and relaxed.
Think of a time in your past when you we feeling
laid back, calm, on the top of the world, and feeling
increadibly great. Construct a mental picture in detail
81
 The CARESS Model V
Sense the Nonverbal Message:
What is the speaker saying with his body
language and gestures. Try to understand
the vocal and the visual messages as well as
the words being spoken.

82
 The CARESS Model V
Sense the Nonverbal Message
According to Dr. Mehrabian, author of Silent
Messages, about %90 of the message is
carried through visual and vocal channels.
Only 7-10 % is verbal, through actual words.
It is critical that we learn to recognize the
nonverbal and vocal messages in both
receiving messages and sending messages

83
 The CARESS Model VI
Structure:
Structure and organize the information as you
receive it. This is what you should do with
the time generated by the gap between
speaking and the hearing speeds. By
organizing the information as you received
it, you will improve your retention and
understanding of the material.
84
 The CARESS Model VI
Structure
There is a time gap between the listening and
the speaking speeds. The gap time can be
used by structuring.
Structuring revolves around three primary
activities as:
1. indexing
2. sequencing
3. comparing
85
 The CARESS Model VI
Structure
1.Indexing: is taking mental or written notes of
1. the topic or the major idea,
2. the key points being discussed, and
3. the reasons, subpoints and supporting points
Indexing is made easier by listening for
transitional words like “what I want to talk to
you today is(main idea), for example (a
supporting point), first(keypoint one)
86
 The CARESS Model VI
Structure
2. Sequencing: is listening for order or priority.
Sometimes someone tells you something in
which the order is very important, you are
given instructions or directions where the
order is crucial. Like indexing you need to
follow the numbers as first, second etc. If
you have any doubt you may check it with
the speaker as asking “let me make sure I
understand the order you are describing”
87
 The CARESS Model VI
Structure
3. Comparing: is trying to discriminate
between what is fact and what is
assumption, discriminate between
advantages and disadvantages and
discriminate between positives and
negatives.You also listen for consistency.
Another method is taking notes on what the
speaker is saying. With mindmapping also.
88
 ACTIVE LISTENING
ATTITUDE
The skills needed to improve listening are
relatively simple to learn and implement.
Perhaps the harder task is developing the
active listening attitude.Understand that:
1. Attitude: Listening is as powerful as
speech: What someone says to you is just
as critical as what you have to say to them.

89
 ACTIVE LISTENING
ATTITUDE
2. Attitude: Listening saves time: People who
listen actively find that they experience fewer
mistakes, fewer interpersonal
misunderstandings, less employee and
customer turnover.
3. Attitude: Listening is important and
worthwhile with everyone:When you believe
that you can learn something from everyone
you meet, you will approach listening with a
new enthusiasm. 90
 The Art of Asking Questions
The word is full of questions:
Good, silly, important and offensive questions.
Questions can built rapport and trust or
foster suspicion and dislike. Questions can
open up a conversation or weaken&closed.
Questions generate information or loose
main topic of the conversation. Are heart
of the conversation which pump fresh life
to the conversations.
91
 The Art of Asking Questions
Asking good questions is particularly
important in organizations where working
together to achieve a common purpose
depends upon the members of the
organizations understanding each other
clearly.Asking questions about how things
are done, why they are done, who is
responsible for that, what is the budget etc.
92
 The Art of Asking Questions
We ask questions a lot since our childhood.
But the point is being able to ask right question
at the right time for communication.
Why Do We Ask Questions?
1. To gain information: Information transfer
depends on questions. Who, what, where,
when, why, how, how much are are
questioning words for gathering information.
93
 Why do we ask questions?
2. To stimulate conversation: For socializing.
How are you? Have you heard? Did you see?
Can you believe? What do you think? Etc..
3. To gain the other’s views: When you need
to know what someone else is thinking, ask.
What do you think about...? Can you tell me
how you feel about...?

94
 Why do we ask questions?
4. To check agreement: What does other person
think about what you have discussed? Do you
think we are on the right track? Can you
support this decision? Are we in agreement,
Do you have any objections? How does this
sound to you?
5. To verify information: Sometimes what you
hear is not what you were meant. Asking for
feedback is a critical part of the
communication process. Did I understand you
to mean..? Can I summarize it as...?
95
 Why do we ask questions?
6.To build rapport and trust: Rapport and
trust are built by showing support for the
other person’s goals and objectives. How
can I help you? What can I do to help you
to meet your objectives? What would you
like to accomplish? Tell me about your
goals/dreams/objectives?

96
 The Two Major Types of
Questions-Closed
There are two types of questions:
1. Closed:generally simple, information
gathering questions. Response to a closed
question is usually “yes”, “no” or a very
brief answer.
Typical closed questions are: What time is it?,
Did you finish the project? Are you going to
the meeting, can you work overtime tonight?
When did you first discovered the problem?
97
 The Two Major Types of
Questions-Closed
Closed question perform the following functions:
1. They allow specific facts to be gathered. What
colour do you prefer?
2. They are easy to answer. Will you be finished,
by 5.00 p.m.?
3. They are useful in the feedback process where
someone wants to check the accuracy or
completeness of the communication. Have I got
the information right?
98
 The Two Major Types of
Questions-Closed
4. They can be used to gain commitment to a
position. Does this seem right so far?
5. They can be used to reinforce positive
statements. This seems like a good plan,
doesn’t it?
6. This can be used to direct the conversation
to a desired topic or concern. Do you have
time to talk the budget?

99
 The Two Major Types of
Questions-Open
Open questions are generally more deep and require
longer, more complex answers. Are used to draw
out a wide range of responses on a broad topic.
Often ask for opinions, thoughts and feelings.
• How did you feel about the meeting?
• What could we do to make this project better?
• How can we meet our objectives?
• What is your opinion on the new marketing plan?

100
 The Two Major Types of
Questions-Open
Open questions have the following characteristics:
1. They can not be answered by a simple yes or
no. How do you think we could make this
process work better?
2. They usually begin with “what or “how”.What
do you think about the new benefits policy?
3. They do not lead the answer:What could we
make improvements in the new marketing plan
101
 The Two Major Types of
Questions-Open
4. They draw out ideas and feelings. How do you
feel about the reorganization of the department?
5. They encourage elaboration on objectives,
needs, wants and problems. What do you think
about the new employee review system?
6. They promote self-discovery. How do you think
the new process will work for your group?
102
 The Two Major Types of
Questions-Open
7.They stimulate thinking about your ideas.
Where do you think we might run into
problems with this idea?
8.They allow a broad range of responses and
styles. How would you change the policy?
It is important to know which kind of question-
open or closed- to use to achieve your goals.
Both are useful and can help you to achieve
several different purposes including:
103
 The Two Major Types of
Questions-Goals
1.Fact-Finding: If you are looking for
specific information and data, use closed
questions that ask for the detail you need.
“What did you accomplish on the project?”
will generate more detail than “Did you get
a lot done?. Take notes and verify that you
understood the information correctly.

104
 The Two Major Types of
Questions-Goals
2.Feeling-finding:to understand a person’s
feeling about a subject generally requires
open questions.“Are you happy about the
project?” Does not get the same response as
the open-ended question “How do you feel
about the project?”Used properly, feeling-
finding questions generate a lot of information
about attitudes, convictions and motivations.
This type of questions are very powerful,
because too seldom asked&listened carefully.
105
 The Two Major Types of
Questions-Goals
3. Clarifying: Closed questions are used to
verify your understanding of a conversation.
Do I understand you correctly? Are you
referring to ..? Do you mean..? are examples
of questions which you may ask to make
sure you understand the information being
given to you.

106
 The Two Major Types of
Questions-Goals
4. Expanding: Open questions are used to
draw out further information on a topic.
Can you give me an example? Would you
tell me more about that point? What else
might be causing a problem? are questions
that continue to generate information about
the subject.

107
 The Two Major Types of
Questions-Goals
5. Directing: Directing questions are generally
closed and point the conversation toward a
particular goal. What was the other point
you wanted to make? Can we go back and
talk about your first item? Could’nt we
postpone the decision for a week? With
these questions, you want to direct the
conversation to a different topic or to lead
the person to a particular decision.
108
 Questioning Strategies I
All forms of communication are improved by
planning and understanding the focus of the
communication. Questioning is similar.
In questioning, or for starting a conversation,
you may start with an open, broad question
and you may go deeper by choosing any
information you received.”Tell me about..”,
“How”, “what” or “why” could be show
your interest to the other person’s situation.
109
 Questioning Strategies II
Some General Strategies
1. Have a plan: Know what you want to
accomplish and what type of questions you will
need to use. You do not have the questions
written but in advance you should be clear about
your objectives.
2. Keep the question simple: It is best to ask for
one answer at a time. If there are two or three
parts in a question people will tend to answer the
last or first or the part which they feel safe.
110
 Questioning Strategies III
Some General Strategies
3. Stay focused: Keep the questions on track
and follow a topic to its conclusion. Any
question that starts with “By the way..” is
probably means that the subject has
changed. Hold the question for later.
4. Avoid Ambiguity: Ambiguous questions
generate ambiguous answers.

111
 Questioning Strategies IV
Some General Strategies
6. Stay nonthreatening: Trust is a key essential
in communication. The wrong question can
quickly destroy trust and the relationship.
“Why didn’t you...?”, “How could you..?”,
Aren’t you...” are the questions which
generally make people defensive. Once
someone throws up a wall of defense, the
opportunity for exchanging information and
building a relationship goes away.
112
 Questioning Strategies V
Some General Strategies
7. Ask Permission: If the ares of questioning
is sensitive, explain the need for the
questions and ask permission before
questioning. “The application requires
some detail about your financial condition.
Woud you mind answering...?”

113
 Questioning Strategies VI
Some General Strategies
7. Avoid manipulation: Keep the relationship as a
primary focus. Tricking someone into giving you
an answer you want destroys trust and rapport.
Would you prefer to work overtime tonight or
tomorrow night? Does not give a person the
chance to say that he does not want to work
overtime at all. Explaining the need for the
overtime and asking if he is available has a totally
different feel. Manipulation is an attempt to take
away a person’s control.
114
 Making sure with feedback
“It isn’t very far.”
“I need it very quickly.”
“That will cost a lot of money.”
“It will not cost you too much..”
These are ambigious words:not clear&net
“Call me later and we’ll discuss it.” When?
One hour later, today, tomorrow, next week?
115
 Making sure with feedback II
These kinds of statements which we use very
frequently in our daily life, needs to be
clarified and confirmed with the other part
of the communication. Unless, there may be
misunderstandings and lack of information.
Feedback and clearification can take the
ambiguity out of promises, agreements,
schedules, policies and procedures.
116
 Types of Feedback
Feedback comes in a number of forms. There is
verbal, nonverbal, fact and feeling types.
Each serves a specific purpose in the
communication process.
• Verbal Feedback:
It is the type which we are most frequenty aware
of and most often use.With verbal feedback,
you can accomplish a number of favorable
objectives such as:
117
 Types of Feedback-Verbal I
1. to ask for clarification of a message.
2. To give positive and/or negative strokes to the
other person.
3. To determine how to structure a presentation that
will be meaningful and effective for the other
person.
1. to ask for clarification of a message.
To improve the accuracy and clarity of a message
during a conversation, use clarifying feedback
statements such as the following:
118
 Types of Feedback-Verbal II
• Let me be sure I understand what you’ve said
• Let’s see if I can review the key points we’ve
discussed.
• I hear you saying.....
• I think I hear you saying that your central
concern is...
• As I understand it, your major objectives are..
119
 Types of Feedback-Verbal III
Clearifying feedback statements can also end
with the following:
• ...Did I understand you properly?
• ...Did I hear you correctly?
• ...Was I on target with what you mean?
• ..Were those our major concerns?
• ...Can you add anything to my summary?
120
 Types of Feedback-Verbal IV
Using feedback is mostly very critical in the
workplace. There is only one way to know
if the message you are receiving is the same
as the message being sent.That is by asking
for clarification, or restating the message
with your own words and asking for
verification of your understanding.

121
 Types of Feedback-Verbal V
2. To give positive and/or negative strokes to the
other person.
When a person does something positive that
behaviour needs to be positively reinforcement.
Simple statements are in order such as: “The
project report you did was clear and concise.
Nice job”, “You made it really easy for the for
the comittee to understand the issues”, “I really
appreciate the extra effort you put in.” and
122
 Types of Feedback-Verbal VI
“You are doing an excellent job staying with
budget”.These statements tell the person
specifically what you recognize and appreciate.
Given in a timely and consistent manner, this type
of feedback lets the person know what kind of
performance is required. It encourages them to
continue with similar performance.

123
 Types of Feedback-Verbal VII
On the other hand, when behaviour requires
negative feedback, offer it in a private,
constructive environment. Ignoring
inappropriate performance tends to prolonge
it, as silence has been meant as tacit
approval. No one likes to be critized, so
negative feedback should be directed only at
the performance. If possible it must be
sandwiched between positive feedback.
124
 Types of Feedback-Verbal VIII
For example:, use phrases such as: “It’s obvious
that you put in a lot of effort on this report.
The issues are so complex that it would help
if we had a one page summary.”,”Your work
is extremely accurate but when you come in
late, it puts us all behind schedule.”,”I
appreciate your help folding the brochures.
Since they will be going to customers, it’s
important that they are extremely neat.”
125
 Types of Feedback-Verbal IX
It is important to make sure you give the
person enough specific information so that
he can correct his performance in the future.
3. During presentation:
By asking simple questions, you can
determine whether a presentation is
working, whether to proceed in the current
direction or modify the approach.

126
 Types of Feedback-Verbal X
For example in a project planing presentation you
may ask, after general brief summary as “Would
you like me go into the details of this project, or
do you have some other questions that you’d like
to ask me first?” allows you to determine the
persons present state of mind or level of
receptivity. “I sometimes move along so quickly.
Is it proper or would you prefer if we go on more
slowly for your better understanding?”
127
 Types of Feedback-Nonverbal I
Nonverbal means the message of positive or
negative attitudes, feelings, opinions that
you give by using our bodies, eyes, faces,
postures and senses. You do this consiously
or unconsciously, just as others do with you.
The sensitive, perceptive communicator uses
the nonverbal feedback he or she is getting
from the other person to structure the
content and direction of the message.
128
Types of Feedback-Nonverbal II
The result is a positive continuance of the
interaction and increased trust and credibility
in the relationship.
The # of the nonverbal feedback is not as
important as how you interpret it and react to
it. These signals help you realize when you
are loosing the other person’s interest. You
can react by changing your pace, topic or
style to recapture the person’s interest or trust
129
Types of Feedback-Nonverbal III
Nonverbal feedback is very important in
manager/employee relations.Too often
ineffective communications between
managers and employees result in “mixed
messages” This means that while one
message is being verbalized, something
totally different is being stated through
vocal intonation and body language.
130
 Types of Feedback-Nonverbal IV
Mixed messages create tension, distrust. Rightly
and wrongly, the person feels that you are
purposely hiding something. It is extremely
important to keep your verbal and nonverbal
messages syncronized.
As we mentioned in listening “acknowledgement”
is very important. People do not want to speak
to people who do not respond or show any
emotion. They want to see feedback to feel safe.
131
 Types of Feedback-Fact I
Like fact-finding questions, fact feedback is
about specific data and information. Fact
feedback is asking a spesific, closed question
or making a spesific statement of the facts as
you know it and asking for clarification.
When you are depending on the other people’s
facts and they are depending on yours, it is
critical to get and give the information
exactly. Fact feedback is also used in words.
132
 Types of Feedback-Fact II
• Due to recent layoffs, all employees are
expected to work harder.
• There will be a short wait for a table.
• Don’t spend too much time on that job.
• In this company, we are liberal and democratic.
• Major credit cards are excepted
• We will be visiting NY&Chicago . We expect to
open our first unit there.
133
 Types of Feedback-Fact III
• What exactly do you mean by “working harder”
How much hours may be the overtime?
• How long is the wait? Will we wait 15 mnt or .?
• How much time should I spent on the job? Is
there a deadline?
• Whatdo you mean by liberal and democratic?
• Which major credit cards? Do you accept visa?
• Which city will have the first unit?
134
 Types of Feedback-Feeling I
What are the underlying causes and
motivations behind her message and her
facts? How much personal feelings does her
message carry for her? How does she really
feel about what she is saying to you? Does
she know whether her message is really
getting through to you, at feeling level?
All these questions underscore the importance
of feeling feedback. 135
 Types of Feedback-Feeling II
Feeling feedback is especially important in
organizations.. Perhaps because it is so
seldom requested. The old school of
business etiquette believed that feelings had
no place at work. Personal lives, feelings
and emotional involvements were to be left
in entrance of the work. We know today
that this is impossible and not useful also.
136
 Types of Feedback-Feeling III
Research has shown that one of the most
effective ways to handle organizational
change is to let people “chat” about how
they feel about the change. Just the process
of talking about how they feel helps them
adapt to the change.

137
 Types of Feedback-Feeling IV
Organizations are a complex web of people
working to achieve a common purpose.
As organizational life becomes more complex
and more demanding, it requires the full
commitment of each member to achieve the
organizational goals. Full commitment
requires an environment of trust that allows
each person to express his or her thoughts
and feelings openly.
138
 Types of Feedback-Feeling V
Organizations that request and provide a high
level of feeling feedback understand that
the feelings of each person are critical part
of the communication process.
It is as important to understand the feelings
inherent in a message, as it is to understand
the facts of the message.

139
 Types of Feedback-Feeling VI
Feeling Feedback should be two-directional:
You need to make effort to understand the
feelings, emotions and attitudes that underlie
the messages that come to you.
In addition, you should clearly project feeling
feedback to the other person to let her know
that her message has gotten through to you,
at feeling level.
140
 Types of Feedback-Feeling VII
Followings are candidates for feeling
feedback questions:
• I am tired of all the politics around here.
• My last review was a joke
• Quality is just another management fashion
• No one cares about my problems
• Another organisation.. Nothing will change.
141
 Types of Feedback-Feeling VIII
Examples of requests for feeling feedback would
be:
• How are the “politics” here affecting you?
• What’s bothering you about your last review?
• Whay do you feel that management isn’nt
committed to the quality program?
• What would make you feel like the
organization cared about your problems?
• How do you feel about the reorganization?
142
 Types of Feedback-Feeling IX
Fact feedback is meeting of minds, feeling
feedback is meeting of hearts. It is just effective
use of empathy.When you can really experience
the other person’s true feelings and understand
where she is coming from and project this
emotional awareness to her, it serves to
reinforce rapport, lower interpersonal tension,
and significantly increase trust. Supporting
behaviours and nonverbal signals are important
in feeling feedback process.
143
The Keys to Effective Feedback I
Through the effective use of feedback skills, you
can create a good communication climate.
Give and Get Definitions: The meanings and
the interpretations of the words and phrases
may differ according to the different people,
group, region and society. There are many
many different meanings of the words, in
addition to the loaded meanings. So we need
definitions.
144
The Keys to Effective Feedback II
Do Not Assume: Because it is dangerous.
Do not assume anything in communications.
Do not assume that you and the other part are
talking about the same thing.
Do not assume that the words has the same
meaning or automatically understood.
Use more feedback and fewer assumptions, to
be more accurate and be sure everone is
unique and has a different frame of reference.
145
The Keys to Effective Feedback III
Ask Questions: Rule is This:
“If there is a doubt, check it out”. Questioning
is a method for checking.
Clarifying questions, expansion questions,
direction questions, fact-finding questions,
feeling-finding questions and open
questions can be used for effective feedback

146
The Keys to Effective Feedback IV
Speak The Same Language: Avoid from
using technical and ambiguous words. If the
people do not understand you, this may
increase suspect and distrust.
Stay Tuned In: Observe the other person. Be
sensitive to the feelings and related
nonverbal signals to perceive and accord
the management of the conversation.
147
 The Keys to Effective Feedback V
Give Feedback On The Behaviour, Not The
Person
This is about positive and negative strokes. Relate
the feedback with the action or behaviour to be
praised or punished. Never direct it to personality
of the person. Indicating specificaly, the
behaviour and action, give the person the chance
to understand and work on for better
performance. Many ineffective managers loose
employees who has correctable mistakes.
148
The Keys to Effective Feedback VI
Track The Good Timing: There are times
when it is best not to give feedback. Take a
deep breath, close your mouth and restrain
your body language and facial expressions
in these situations. When the person was
more sensitive it is much better to postpone
the process. Effective feedback can
decrease interpersonal tension and build
trust and credibility if used properly.
149
 Conflict Resolution
People naturally disagree about what to do,
how to do, and when to do it.
That interaction of ideas and opinions sparks
new ideas and leads to better solutios and
plans of action.
However when differences of opinion are
accompanied by too much emotional
committment, the resulting conflict can be
damaging.
150
 Nature of Conflict
Conflict does not need to be destroying. Open
communication without emotional
explosions is the key method for resolution.
Thre are three components of conflict:
1. Two or more persons are involved
2. There are different perceptions of ideas,
actions, beliefs or goals.
3. The opposing sides see their way as the only
way.
151
 Common Sources Of Conflict I
• Ambigious Responsibility Levels: Clear job
descriptions and and organization charts can
help prevent these conflicts.
• Limited Resources: Generally every
department require to extend their share in
limited sources and maximize its own results.
• Conflict of Interest: Each individual in an
organization needs to know how his own
goals and efforts fit within the organization’s.
Individuals may conflict for their own targets.
152
 Common Sources Of Conflict II
• Communication Barriers: Differing
perceptions, language, ineffective listening,
“style” differences, power and status barriers.
Communication training is the solution for this.
• Interdependency: Increasingly our ability to
accomplish our goals and objectives depends
on the cooperation and asistance for others.
This interdependency increases conflict.
153
 Common Sources Of Conflict III
Increased Interaction:The more people interact, the
more potential there is for conflict. The trend toward
increasing levels of participation and teamwork
indicates a higher level of conflict and a greater need
for conflict resolution skills.
Competition: For rewards such as promotions,
recognition conflict is natural. If the organization
rewards the person who has no rules or values for the
success, or if someone promote, conflict appear.
154
 The Four Phases of Conflict
Conflict may occur between individuals, groups
and organizations. Phase are the same.
1. First:Appears in change.A budget cutback, a
new project, change of manager or value etc.
2. Perceived: The point at which members are
becoming aware of the problem& the tension.
3. Felt: Internal tensions and frustrations begin to
be defined and people begin to built emotions.
4. Last: Opposing parties try to frustrate one
another. Conflict is very obvious at this point.
155
 Strategies For Managing Conflict I
Each strategy has advantages&disadvantages.
In any case, familiarize yourself with them.
Avoidance:Rarely work, ostrich approach.
Accommodation:Someone sacrifies or say OK
Domination:Someone imposes a solution.
Negotiation:Involves moderate levels of
cooperation and assertiveness. Partly win &loose
156
Strategies For Managing Conflict II
Collaboration:Requires a high level of
cooperation and assertiveness. Takes
time& effort, probe for the real needs and
creative, longlasting solutions. Through
open communication, it takes time but
efficient.
There are 4 components of collaboration:

157
4 Components of Collaboration I
1. Understanding&Respecting: Collaboration
assumes an equality for all parties.The goals
and objectives of each person are presented
equally regardless the positions. All of the
goals and objectives need to be ranked and
evaluated logically with participation of all
the parties. Each member tries to stay
focused on the organization’s goals rather
than on individual objectives. Tone of voice
158
 4 Components of Collaboration II
2. Assertiveness:For a collaboration to succeed,
each person must feel safe in expressing his
ideas and opinions. Each position needs to be
presented as powerfully possible. People often
confuse assertiveness with agression.
Agression is assertiveness without regard for
the needs of the other person. Assertiveness
says: Here’s my position..What’s yours.?
Agression is: Here’s my position..Take it or
leave it.
159
4 Components of Collaboration III
3. Creative Problem-Solving: Good creative
problem-solving skills can help define a
solution that results in a win for each person.
It is important to focus on the problem rather
then specific solutions. Spend time
identifying as many potential solutions as
possible before proceeding with evaluation.
Avoid dwelling on the history of the problem
which often involves placing blame.
160
Strategies For Managing Conflict VI
4. Confrontation: This is a specific
communication strategy, a way to change
behaviour through constructive feedback
During an emotionally charged conflict
resolution session, it is often necessary to
use confrontation to break through a
communication barrier. To tell the other
one what his behaviour creates as a problem
161
 Details of Confrontation
Confrontation process allows you to get at the
root causes of the conflict in a productive
manner. You are indirectly trying to say. “Let’s
exchange ideas-pleasantly and comfortably. I
will try to hear you will take your opinion into
account before I state mine. Than I want you
hear my opinions and them into account. Once
we have exchanged our opinions, we will
decide on the best option. This is not a contest
for superiority.”
162
 Levels of Confrontation I
There are levels of confrontation which starts
with understanding till behavioural change.
1. Reflection: Demonstrate your sincere desire
to understand the person’s feelings and
needs. You gather data and build rapport
with the person. By reflecting the feelings
you hear the person expressing, you give
him a chance to correct your impression ant
to work on your comment. An example:
163
 Levels of Confrontation II
“I understand that you feel/think___________
because________________.”

“I understand that you feel unappreciated

because you are not invited to the weekly
staff meetings.”

164
 Levels of Confrontation III
2. I Statement: With I statements you reveal
your feelings, asserting your own needs and
objectives in a nonjudgemental fashion.
You want the other person to understand
your feelings and reasons. A general form:
“I feel_______when you______because___”
“I feel angry when you ignore the safety rules
because you and others may get hurt.”

165
 Levels of Confrontation IV
3. Diplomatic Disagreement: In the
diplomatic disagreement stage you try to
achieve understanding in a gentle, tactful
manner. You want the other person to
understand your reasoning and you try to
understand his. You want the person to
know that you value the relationship. The
format for this stage includes reflection & I
statement.
166
 Levels of Confrontation V
“You feel/think________________.”
“I appreciate your position and understand that
__________.”
“I understand that you think we need a new
computer.”
“I appreciate your position and realize that you
think it will improve our productivity.”
“ I believe we should wait because a new
model is about to be released.”
167
 Levels of Confrontation VI
4. Gentle Confrontation: In gentle
confrontation you try to cause a change in
behaviour and built the relationship at the
same time. You want to suggest the change
in a tactful manner. The format includes
reflection, an indication that other person is
valued, an I statement and indication od
consequences. Format and the example:
168
 Levels of Confrontation VII
“You feel/think_______.”

“I appreciate your position and I understand

that_____________.”

“I feel____________because.”

“If this continues it will cause__________”

169
 Levels of Confrontation VIII
“You think the accounting department should pay
our vendors immediately.”
“I appreciate your position and understand that it
helps you negotiate better prices.”
I feel frustrated, however, because I am trying to
manage our cash flow as well as our profits.
If you continue to pressure the accounting dept., it
will make it much more difficult for me to manage
the cash flow and the investments. That could
result in vendors going unpaid and a reduction in
profits which could impact our profit sharing.
170
 Levels of Confrontation IX
5. Firm Confrontation: In the firm confrontation
you try to clear up disagreements and cause a
definite change in behaviour. The change in
behaviour is your primary objective. The added
statement is in the format:
“I would appreciate it in the future if you
would__________.”
“In the future I would appreciate it if you would
come to me for any special early payment
requests.”
171
 Some Basic Guidelines on
Confrontation I
There are some guidelines for more productive
confrontation process.
Timing:Is the person ready to listen? About
coming late it is the worst time to discuss it
while he was check in. He knows he is late.
Wait for a positive something to say and add
how his lateness affect his overall perception
of his commitment and performance.
172
 Some Basic Guidelines on
Confrontation II
Focus on Current Specifics: Talk about
behaviour that is happening today, not
something happened last week or last month.
State Your Feelings:When you tell someone
how you feel, you are keeping the conversation
open rather than focusing it only on the other
person.”When you come to work late, I feel
really angry because the rest of us have to wait
for you before we can start on the project.”
173
 Confrontation
It is a powerful conflict resolution strategy
which requires a great deal of skill and
practice. When it applies # of conflicts can
be resolved more productively.
It is also important to remember that people
only change when it is in their best interest
to do so. You can not change anyone but
canmotivate someone to change.
174
 Strategies to AVOID-
Not to do list I
Minimization: Sometimes we do not
recognize the seriousness of an action or
perception, we response with through
humor or sarcasm. When this happens on
the other person feels unvalued or belittled.
Often the person takes your minimization as
a personal attack. When someone brings a
problem to us, first acknowledge it.
175
 Strategies to AVOID-
Not to do list-II
Example for minimization:
Engineer: I’m afraid the O-ring might fail at
low temperatures.
Manager 1: That’s not your problem. Worry
about how we’re going to meet our next
deadline.
Manager 2: I appreciate your concern. What
makes you think that?
176
 Strategies to AVOID-
Not to do list-III
Blame: While blame can often be attached to
the last person who touched a situation,
most problems are too complex to be totally
caused by one person or one factor. The
focus should be on preventing future
problems rather than placing blame.
Salesperson:We didn’t get the Smith account.
Manager 1:What did you do wrong?
Manager 2:What could we have done better?
177
 Strategies to AVOID-
Not to do list-IV
Unloading: When people have worked together
for a long time, there are often numerous
small injuries which have gone unmentioned.
When a larger problem sparks a conflict, all
the past baggage come to the mind. While it
might make the person unloading feel better,
this is not a productive solution strategy. The
other person might say “You should say these
before, when the problem occured.”
178
 Strategies to AVOID-
Not to do list-V
Example for Unloading:
Employee arrives at work late.
Manager 1: Not only you are late but last week
there was an addition error in the report you
submitted and you never have turned in the
Murphy proposal that was due over a month ago.
Manager 2: Is everything ok? I know you were only
a few minutes late but you normally seem so
committed and recently you’ve seemed to be
distracted. Is there anything I can do?
179
 Strategies to AVOID-
Not to do list-VI
Hitting touchy areas:
As we work with people, we begin to
understand their sensitivities. Hitting one of
those touchy areas can escalate a conflict
out of control and make it very difficult to
regain the lost ground.

180
 Strategies to AVOID-
Not to do list-VII
Situation: Employee misses a meeting.
Coworker 1: No wonder you were fired from
your last job. Obviously you’re incapable of
managing your time
Coworker 2: I really needed your support in this
morning’s meeting. You know I took a time
management course that really seemed to help
me get organized. May be you should take it
next time it’s offered.
181
 Strategies to AVOID-
Not to do list-VIII
Manipulation:
Using personal charm
or approval to get someone to do something
you want done without regard to the other
person’s needs or objectives.
This also includes witholding approval or
rewards in order to get the desired action.

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 Strategies to AVOID-
Not to do list-IX
Example for Manipulasyon:Manager wants an
employee to work overtime.
Manager 1: If you’ll work overtime tonight, I’ll
remember it when review time comes up
Manager 2: I am sorry to ask you at the last
minute, but we have a crisis with ABC
project. If we don’t get it finished tonight, the
company may loose the whole project.Could
you possibly work tonight? 183
 Strategies to AVOID-
Not to do list-X
Force: This is the “I don’t care what you want,
do it my way now!”approach. If all you want
is to get an immediate action, it works. And if
it’s only used on extremely rare occasion, it’s
an effective way to get something done
immediately. But it’s demoralising to the
other person because it does not acknowledge
his worth or his ideas.
184
 Strategies to AVOID-
Not to do list-XI
Example of Force: Manager wants to change the
work schedule.
Manager 1: From now on our hours are 10.00
a.m. to 7.00 p.m.
Manager 2: Studies show that the prime hours
for our customers are 10.00 a.m. To 7 p.m.
We need to develop a system that will allow
us to give the best possible service to our
customers during those hours. Do you have
any suggestions? 185
Conflict Resolution Behaviours I
There are 5 basic behaviours which will help
you resolve conflict in almost any sitution
you encounter. They will allow you to benefit
from positive disagreement without having
those disagreements escalate into out-of-
control personality conflicts that damage the
morale and productivity of the organization.
These basics are:
186
Conflict Resolution Behaviours II
Openness: State your feelings and thoughts
openly, directly and honestly without trying to
hide or disguise the real object of your
disagreement. Don’t atribute negative
statements about the other person to unknown
others. Use I statements and talk about how
you feel and what you want. Focus on current
problems& on identifying problems.
187
Conflict Resolution Behaviours III
Emphaty: Listen with emphaty. Try to
understand and feel what the other person is
feeling and to see the situation from others
point of view. Demonstrate your understanding
and validate the other person’s feelings.
Comments such as I appreciate how you feel..I
understand your feelings.. I’m sorry I made you
feel that way.. Let the other person know that
you are sincere in understanding her views.
188
Conflict Resolution Behaviours IV
Supportiveness: Describe the behaviours you
have difficulty with rather than evaluating
them. Express your concern for and support
of the other person. Let him know, you
want to find a solution that benefits both of
you. State your position with a willingness
to change your opinion if appropriate
reasons are given. Be willing to support the
other’s position if it makes sense to do so.
189
Conflict Resolution Behaviours V
Positiveness:
• Try to identify areas of agreement and
emphasize those.
• Look at the conflict as a way to better
understand ing the entire situation and
possibly find a new and better solution.
• Be positive about the other person and your
relationship.
• Express your commitment for finding a
resolution that works for everyone. 190
Conflict Resolution Behaviours
VI
Equality:
• Treat the other person and his ideas and
opinions as equal.
• Give the person the time and space to
completely express his ideas.
• Evaluate all ideas and positions logically and
without regard to ownership.
191
Benefits of Conflict Resolution I
• Conflict resolution offer many benefits if we
can resolve them productively.
• Healthy disagreement can have a positive,
generating effect.
• As people are forced to work through a
problem to its solution, they get a chance to
better understanding the point of view of
others.
192
Benefits of Conflict Resolution II
Successfull resolution of small conflicts can
diffuse the possibility of more serious
conflicts and result in better working
relationship.
The process of exploring problems
collaboratively can lead us to acquire more
information, new perceptions, new ideas
and determine key issues under the surface.
193