RELINQUISHING THE POWER OF THE TRANSIT AUTHORITY - BY IAN STROUD INT. AIRPORT SECURITY Its the year 2030.

Airport security has only gotten more thorough. Then, a tipping point. Congress realizes the old dangers are no more, and relinquishes the power of the TSA. TSA AGENT is directing passengers through security. MIKE is next in line. MIKE Alright, I know the deal. Mike has his shoes off before TSA Agent can blink, and is in the process of removing his belt. TSA AGENT Sir, you dont need to do that anymore. The TSA has drastically reduced its requirements for security. You dont need to take your shoes and belt off anymore. MIKE No no, its for the safety of the crew and passengers. It makes me feel safe to know that everyone has been searched so thoroughly. TSA AGENT I hate to put it this way, one is being searched like anymore. We researched the enough to determine it was longer necessary. but no this issue no

Mike chuckles. TSA Agent directs him through the metal detector. It does not go off. Mike stops short on the other side. MIKE Oop! Forgot to take off my watch! TSA AGENT Just collect your luggage, sir. Youve already made it through. Mike tries to go back.

2. TSA AGENT (CONTD) I insist. Theres still a line behind you. The next person in line is OLD LADY. She makes a beeline for the high-security private pat-down area. TSA AGENT (CONTD) Miss, we dont use that area anymore. Its just for storage. OLD LADY Nonsense. My name is the same as someone on the terrorist watch list. Mohammad Sumbarak. TSA AGENT Well the ID checker let you past, so I think youre good. Weve really tried to loosen restrictions and make flying more humane. OLD LADY (answering an unasked question) I was born in 1945, I have never been out of the country. My parents named me Mohammad when they thought I was going to be a boy. TSA AGENT Thats wonderful, maam. And irrelevant. Youre cleared to go. Were just checking for major weapons at this point. OLD LADY Mohammad is the most common name in the world. TSA AGENT Yup. Youre right. And its not a big deal. OLD LADY Im willing to pay you off to let me through. Its what Ive had to do for the past two decades. TSA AGENT I dont want a bribe. Just get to your flight.

3. OLD LADY Im 4 hours early. TSA Agent shoves her through. Next is MIDDLE EASTERN MAN. Middle Eastern Man slowly walks trough, like a man walking to a firing squad. He looks TSA Agent in the eye solemnly, bends forward, drops his pants, and spreads his butt cheeks. TSA Agent immediately tries to stop this. TSA AGENT Sir! Stop that right now! Youre demeaning yourself. MIDDLE EASTERN MAN Ive come to accept the reality of my life. Search my anal cavity and be done with it! BLACKOUT.