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ZORCH Has made a few CHanges in tHis issue, but dOnt wORRy. yOu will still enjOy tHe fantastiC pHOtOgRapHy, satiRe, pRetty giRls, gReat aRt wORk, unbelievable stORies, pRetty giRls, mistakes, and OtHeR tHings yOu Have COme tO lOve and enjOy. ZORCH will COntinue tO OffeR tHe mOst HOnest, insigHtful, and enteRtaining COveRage Of tHe CentRal valley. wHat tHen aRe tHe CHanges? ZORCH Has finally numbeRed tHe pages CORReCtly! it was diffiCult tO make tHis CHange, but we did it anyway. nO CReative endeavOR suCCeeds OveR tHe lOng Run by Remaining statiC. ZORCH is nOt, OR will eveR be, statiC. deaR ZORCH: ive neveR wOn a tHing in my life until i fOund all seven mistakes in yOuR may issue and yOu sent me tHat bOx full Of ZORCH tHings. i lOve tHe COffee Cup, but tHe ZORCH univeRsity sweatsHiRt and student bOdy CaRd just made me quiveR. ive always wanted tO gO tO a univeRsity and am nOw a pROud membeR Of a gReat student bOdy. tHanks again. my bOyfRiend, bOb, wanted tO knOw, did tHe piCtuRe Of me in a bikini Have anytHing tO dO witH me winning? gina, meRCed ZORCH: gina, Of COuRse nOt! deaR ZORCH: ZORCH lOOks like a newspapeR, but yOu yOuRself Call it a magaZine. wHy? geORge samsOn, mOdestO ZORCH: geORge, ZORCH neveR pRints any news sO we Cant Call ZORCH a newspapeR. we Call ZORCH a magaZine beCause it Has lOts Of pRetty giRls in it. sad stORy: adRienne bankeRt Has left CHannel tHRee, wHeRe tHe news COmes fiRst in saCRamentO. adRienne is nOw gigging at CHannel ii in dallas, fORt wORtH. fiRst gaRy geRald leaves CHannel tHRee and nOw adRienne. gOOd stORy: tHe mama awaRds will RetuRn tHis yeaR tO tHe state On tuesday, OCtObeR 23. last yeaR, tHe pRestigiOus awaRds weRe Held at tHe dOubletRee. tHe dOubletRee is niCe, but tHe state tHeatRe is Really mOdestO.

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Wolfman Jack Day

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Teddy Bear Day

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Swap IdeasDay

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Make Your Bed Day

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Read A Book Day

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Neither Rain nor Snow Day

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Pardon Day

Larry Grebils Skyscraper Newspaper Cheese Pizza Day Carrier Day Day Birthday

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Chocolate Milkshake Day

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Fortune Cookie Day

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Cream-Filled Donut Day

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Make A Hat Day

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Collect Rock Day

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Apple Cheeseburger Butterschoth Banta Inn Dumpling Day Pudding Day Day Day

Miniature Elephant Golf Day Appreciation Day

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Mud Pack Day

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Johnny Appleseed Day

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Crush A Can Day

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Cherries Comic Book Dog In Day Politics Day Jubilee Day

Ask A Stupid Confucius Question Day Day

American Chevrolet
4742 McHenry Ave. Modesto, 209.575.1606 www.americanchevrolet.com

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CEO

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Delta exploration starts at Windmill Cove By Capt Ron Posey

My first experiences in nautical navigation were on the waters of the great San Joaquin Delta. Back in the mid to late 60s, I worked as a member of a design engineering team with the Department of Water Resources. It was during that time that I had the opportunity to explore the one-thousand miles of inland waterways that make up what we simple call today, The Delta. It was during those days, under the guise of a daily work routine, that I explored every cove and cranny; stream and slough; bay and deep water passage of the Delta. Deep within the walls of the Delta levees...its a totally different world...you lose all since that youre piloting the waterways amidst the vast agricultural plots of asparagus, corn, safflower, alfalfa, wheat, and wine grapes. Crops that are being grown in the richest of rich soils, peat dirt....dirt that is so organic, if you start a fire on the peat it could burn deep and smolder for months. For the most part the land is below sea-level...8 to 16 feet below sea-level. Cruising on the Delta waterways, theres another richness to experience...one of incredible ports-ofcall, each one with a history to share. From little marinas to very expansive marinas with gated communities and with them come the bars, restaurants, resorts, and points of interest. Historic artifacts can be found throughout the Delta, sometimes in the form of old riverboats, old loading dock pilings, plus many old stories of the early Delta days that stretch all the way back to the 1870s when the first levees were built in a effort to reclaim the first of 140 acres of submerged land. One such place of historic value that has gone through many metamorphoses is Windmill Cove. A great advantage of this Delta watering hole is that it is also easily reached by car or boat. Perched atop the south levee of the Stockton deep-water channel, the two story structure features a large bar and grill on the top floor which allows an unobstructed view of the adjacent waterway that is packed on the weekends with jet-skis, wave runners, ski boats, high speed tunnel boats and of course the hundreds of bathing suit clad sun worshipers. On our mid-week visit, we were encouraged to try the famous Windmill Burger which consisted of two thick and juicy 1/3 pound beef patties, bacon, onion rings, and BBQ sauce...served with fries and a cold beer, it was enough to induce an afternoon nap in a vacant lounge chair on the grassy picnic area. Fish & Chips is another popular favorite as are the Windmill Club Sandwich, Patty Melt, Ribeye Steak and Philly Cheese Steak sandwiches. All during the summer months Tuesday is a day to experience...its Taco Tuesday. (I think Taco Tuesday is featured everywhere on the Delta...sort of a Delta tradition.) Its all you can eat tacos! Starting at 4pm and usually running to around 10pm, the $8 per person feast features soft or hard shell tacos filled with ground beef and finished off at a taco bar with all the fixings. Beer and Mai Tais are the usual drinks of choice and the deck is full of taco munching patrons that are mixing and enjoying the DJ or live music. So whats the big deal? Some say its the Tacos, others say is the weekly party where you can count on meeting

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some new interesting friends. Windmill Cove has it all...camping, cabins, marina, RV Park, private beach, lagoon with easy access by land or water. If you are cruising on the Delta, Windmill Cove is between Marker 34 & 36... that would be the Red Triangle/Red Light markers on the south side of the deep water channel. By land, take Highway 4 west of Stockton 6 miles to Inland Drive, right on Inland straight to McDonald, right on Holt and right on Windmill Cove Road. Dont overdress...youll standout like a wet muskrat.

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teddy ballgame
the day dawned glorious. why shouldnt it? even though there was fog on them thar hills, i was headed to at&t park for a saturday day game featuring the giants and Reds. the baRt ride was great, but i suggest you skip the muni ride and walk to the park from the embarcadero. walk along the waterfront from the ferry building, under the bay bridge to giants land; all that is well worth the effort. it was bobble head day and the orange and black line of people stretched all the way out to townsend. it wasnt even 10:00am and the game didnt start until 1:00pm. Once inside the park most people headed for the doggie diner concessions for a sheboygan sausage. this came highly recommended by the natives, but i was saving room for later. after the game i was lead on a peerless gastronomic tour of north beach. we began at Caffee puccini on Columbus. Owner, graziano lucchesi started us with wild bison ceveche, followed by italian sausage and fresh morel mushrooms on penne pasta. we pressed on to Caf maria on pine for a libation. next, off to brindis to meet pino, the second most interesting man in the world. i had a fresh spinach salad with mozzarella, tomatoes and asparagus with absolutely the best pesto sauce i have ever tasted. We finished with tiramisu at the Caf Pizzia. It was a great way to the end the best time i have ever had at a giants game, which they lost. Off to baRt to make my way home. anyone need an unused muni ticket?

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CLASSIFIEDS
Bonanza Books & Comics
2308 mcHenry ave. modesto www.bonanzabooks.net Open monday saturday, 10a.m.-6p.m.

THE BARBER SHOP

1132 n. CaRpenteR ROad mOdestO tRaditiOnal full seRviCe baRbeR sHOp Open tues-sat 9am-5:30pm

COnveRt yOuR ReCORds and Cassette tapes tO Cd! digital RemasteRing witH pRestigiOus sOnnOx RestORe (a suite Of tHRee plug-ins-OxfORd deCliCkeR, OxfORd debuZZeR and OxfORd denOiseR-designed tO aCCuRately RestORe audiO ReCORdings) at mOdestsOund, Call 573-0533 fOR mORe infORmatiOn. mOdestO sOund at gRegORia HigH

MODESTO SOUND

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Long before there were McDonalds, Burger Kings, and Taco Bells, there were Giant Orange stands up and down the valley from Bakersfield to Redding to San Jose. The chain was the brainchild of Bay Areas, Frank Pohl of Menlo Park. Franks first venture into the restaurant business was a lemonade stand in Menlo Park shaped as a big lemon. Another one followed in Menlo Park and then Frank moved to Tracy where, in 1926, he opened his first Giant Orange on 11th Street where he served fresh orange juice, lemonade, grapefruit juice and cold keg beer. At that time, Highway 50 passed right through Tracy on 11th Street and Frank had what you call, location, location and location. With success, Frank built another one on the corner of Grant Line and Highway 50 near Banta. As business was good, he franchised the Giant Orange name and midway through the 30s there were Giant Oranges everywhere linking Highway 99 and 50. One of the main reasons for the success of the Giant Orange was that travel was becoming a popular pastime for many people and they needed somewhere to stop for some refreshments. In the 50s, business declined as highways were converted to freeways making it more difficult to pull over for a glass of orange juice. Also, air conditioning had been introduced in cars and travelers werent as thirsty. Sadly enough, the Giant Orange stands started disappearing. To date, I only know one restaurant shaped like a giant orange that is open; its in San Jose at 38 S. Capitol Avenue and its called, Marks Hot Dogs. Originally located in downtown San Jose, it was first moved to Alum Rock Blvd. and more recently to Capitol Avenue. Marks Hot Dogs are great, but they dont serve any orange juice. Gone, but not forgotten, are the old school roadside diners; the Giant Orange stands.

Giant Orange Stands

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With the economy being in the shape its in, we find ourselves looking ever closer to home for activities that used to take us out of our area were looking for quality and value and when it comes to golf, emerald lakes golf Course offers just that. if you have never had the opportunity to play there i know that you have more than likely seen it as you travel north on Highway 99 on your right just as you are entering the city of elk grove. the golf course itself has been there for over twenty years and i know it sounds hokey but you will use every club in the bag. it is nine holes of well thought out golf course architecture that is challenging enough for the skilled player and easy enough for a beginner. it is elk groves only public golf course and was purchased by the Consumnes Community services district in july of 2006. pga professional, matt Holm became the courses general manager in july of 2007. i recently took advantage of an invitation to play the course with matt. i looked forward to that friday morning with excitement. what i discovered that day as we played was a golf course that is pleasing to the eye, fun to play, and greens that are amazing. ill put our greens up against anyones in the region, matt told me and i have to agree. matt also explained to me the improvements in design and maintenance that have taken place over the years. He credits the care of these undulating, firm and challenging greens to course superintendent, gilbert urbano whom i also met that day. they both were quick to point out to me recent upgrades around the eighth hole that definitely add to the appeal of the entire course. urbano and his crew laid down about one and one half acres of sod combined with some wood chips then cut a creek bed from the courses north pond and the middle pond to run along the hole. tongue in cheek, matt said, ive always said to take the ugliest part of your golf course and do something with it to make it look beautiful, and we have. i can readily agree that they accomplished that mission. in fact, it is hole number eight that you first see from Highway 99 so Matt naturally wanted that to be something nice to look at.

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Golf course amenities include a snack bar, so you can fill up before or after a round and a covered outdoor patio that holds up to 80, complete with a barbeque that can be fired up for special events. last month about 15 or 16 charities held events there. add a wellstocked pro shop, a lighted driving range with 24,000 new range ball recently purchased, and youve got emerald lakes golf Course. for more information check out www.golfemeraldlakes.com pat kelley is a writer and a broadcaster and host of the golf guys Radio show heard every saturday morning on am 970 espn Radio

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Exciting Prospects for Both The Giants and As

it has been since 2004 that both the san francisco giants and the Oakland as have been relevant. ultimately, neither squad made the playoffs, but playoff fever was at a high pitch in northern California. In 2004, the Giants finished in second place two games behind the Dodgers and the As finished just a game behind the Angels. Both squads also just missed out on the Wild Card. earlier in the year i wrote that the giants have just as good a shot to win the west as anyone. the giants are on pace to win that division. their pitching has been incredible even with lincecum struggling and the injury to brian wilson. it is the offense that has been the difference. they are still near the bottom in team batting, but at least this year, there is a heartbeat. a healthy buster posey has made a difference. at press time, he is on a tear. melky Cabrera has been a pleasant surprise as he has rededicated himself to the game, and it shows. the giants will move on. However, my words for the as were not as complimentary. the last two years the as were atrocious to watch. as an as fan, i was simply frustrated. the top players would be dealt for prospects and the beat went on. my sons knew that we were not allowed to purchase an as jersey. Oakland gm billy beane, once known for his shrewd moves as documented by his book and eventual movie moneyball, was losing his luster. i protested the viewing of the movie moneyball for this reason. why should beane be propped up as a martyr? what have you done for us lately? as the old adage goes, even a blind squirrel will find a nut and that squirrel has stocked up. The signing of yoenis Cespedes was brilliant. Cespedes contract might have been the best ever conjured up by beane. trading away gio gonzalez, trevor Cahill, and andrew bailey irked fans once again. yet, the players the As got in return have paid dividends. Gonzalez has been magnificent for the Nationals, but the as did get in return tommy milone and the new starting catcher, derek norris who actually has some pop in his bat along with a potential starter in brad peacock. Cahill was shipped to arizona and in return, the as received uber-stud starter jarrod parker as well as Ryan Cook, the new closer who went to the all-star game. Cahill has been ordinary with the diamondbacks. andrew bailey was shipped off to the Red sox as well as Ryan sweeney and the as received among others, josh Reddick. Reddick only leads the as in home runs with 22. bailey has not seen the field yet in 2012 with an injury. the as lead the american league in team e.R.a, and that is without the aforementioned Cahill, gonzalez, bailey, and injuries to brandon mcCarthy, brent anderson, and dallas braden. the staff of Bartolo Colon, Jarred Parker, Tommy Milone, Travis Blackley, and AJ Griffin is getting it done. with that said, the as have the worst team batting average. they are exciting with guys like Cespedes, Reddick, seth smith, and Chris Carter, but the bats of pendleton, weeks, inge, and Crisp have to get better to compete against the Rangers and angels. at least this year, the as will be buyers in the next week as opposed to sellers when it comes to the trade deadline. this is the second coming of moneyball, and i may even have to watch the movie now.

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Crawdads River Cantina if youre in the mood for an escape to something different and refreshing this summer, a trip to Crawdads River Cantina in sacramento is sure to satisfy. Crawdads is on sacramentos picturesque garden Highway, a road that hugs the sacramento River northwest of the city. Considered by many to be the best outdoor dining experience in the region, the restaurant floats directly on the river, nestled in an attractive marina. Outdoor diners relax just a few feet from the river, and enjoy a variety of boats passing by, including those that stop to dock at Crawdads own dock along its patio. a California/Bayou style grilled menu offers diners a variety of food, including grilled fish, steak, chicken, as well as pasta, sandwiches, and salads. and as expected, crawdads are highlighted as well. for me the highlight of Crawdads is the energy of the outdoor patio, which puts patrons closer to the river than any other venue i know of. in fact, Crawdads is actually a floating barge, so you are not dining near the river, but on the river. As you walk onto the patio, you know youre part the river, with water splashing up just a few feet away, the smell of the water, the boats cruising by, while being cooled down by the delta breeze. On occasion, ducks with take a break from the river, climb the steps that lead down to it and hang out on patio for a bit. few venues provide more of an escape than Crawdads patio, where you feel like you could be on vacation on the bayou. in spring and summer, many people travel by boat to Crawdads, which offers a dock for such diners. with the dock adjacent to the patio, diners regularly enjoy watching struggling boaters try to position and tie their boats up. also fun is watching the array of boats travel the river, from vintage wood boats, paddlewheel riverboats, exotic speedboats, and yachts, to ski boats and old school fishing boats. There is a water speed limit in front of the Crawdads, eliminating excessive noise and ruckus. while Crawdads can be relaxing in the morning and afternoon, when its live bands perform, usually several days a week, it has been called a party of the river. sometimes the festivities spill over to the boats docked at Crawdads, often encouraged by scantly clothed drunk women. One of the most memorable night happened several years back during a Wonder Bread 5 concert when so many people were dancing on the floating platform, it actually began sinking into the river, taking the connected stage, band and equipment with it. the news video coverage is priceless! please youtube. the event is now legend with the band proudly declaring, yes we sink clubs! Any discussion of the menu must begin with crawfish, which are in season now and are featured in several dishes. for the more daring there is Crawdads by the pail, which includes whole crawdads boiled then sauted in a Cajun spice butter sauce. Other crawdad dishes include the Crawfish Jambalaya, a spicy rice dish with

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sparkys Hot Rod garage is as unique and exciting as its designer and owner, joe sparky bullock. sparkys success in business is only surpassed by his success in enjoying his life to the fullest. not only is he passionate about Hot Rods and participating and displaying his cars throughout California car shows, but hes also an avid wild game and duck hunter, as well as a storied fisherman. during his teen years, sparky could be found cruising drive-ins downtown. He has been a proficient driver since he bought his first car, a 1940 coupe at the age of 12, and sharpened his skills on the family property. sparkys love of machinery was a must for a young hot rod enthusiasts who enjoyed modifying cars. since then, he has accumulated a collection of over 20 custom built hot rods and street rods, not including a couple of race cars and bikes. sparky grew his collection well beyond the capacity of his previous garage so when he moved his company headquarters to san Carlos, he created a special place to house his collection, now known as sparkys Hot Rod garage. its a museum like environment, complete with period artifacts, including a gas station, 50s type diner, juke box, and vintage coke machines. even if you spend a few hours in sparkys garage, you may still not have enough time to take in everything. although his collection and garage are private, sparky hosts numerous parties for friends and charitable events. He began his annual summer fundraiser with his Rodders Bar-B-Que several years ago, which has now benefited a diverse number of non-profit organizations. it began with a couple hundred guests and has since grown to a couple thousand in recent years. sparkys garage has been a place where his friends and family have enjoyed many fun and memorable times. However, you can see in his smile that his most prized possession has always been the company of friends and loved ones. sparky wouldnt enjoy his garage as much if it werent for the people he shares the garage with. thats just the kind of person he is, he finds happiness in making those he loves happy, and in return he is always surrounded by people that love him. When you first meet Sparky, you are immediately enthralled by his jolly personality and his contagious laugh, and there is an authenticity about him thats welcoming. His pride and joy has always been his three sons, but his six grandchildren are not far behind, and he already has his youngest grandson following in his footsteps. although sparkys garage is a place to envy, the way he lives his life is much more coveted.

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sparkys Hot Rod garage 975 industrial Road suite a san Carlos, Ca, 94070 650-400-5810

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Beach Party Kickball

A one-day kickball event to raise attention for the need of grafti abatement in our beautiful city of Modesto!

Yes, we are combining kickball with slip n slides! Too much fun!
This ONE day Kickball event will be held on Sunday, August 19th at Enslen Park in Modesto. Coed teams 21 and over (8-12 players) - $200 per team Each player receives a sponsors T-shirt! Proceeds go to Modestos Partners In Paint
- Educate the community about the importance of grafti prevention and abatement - Provide communities with tools and resources to respond to grafti and vandalism - Help foster partnerships that will encourage involvement from all members of the community addressing grafti vandalism - Help communities establish ant-grafti programs that get results, creating healthier, safer and more livable communities.

JustAGameEvents.com or Call 209-996-1881

For more info and contact info log onto:

Partnersinpaint.org

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finding a sports bar near at&t park in san Francisco is no more difficult than finding a walgreens in modesto. my pretty good friend from wesley, juan valdez, suggested that the next time i was in the city with a former best girlfriend, i should check out Zekes. located at 600 3rd street, between brannan and townsend and next door to the monkey Car, i checked it out with former best girlfriend, shy sheryl. juan said Zekes was unusual and it was. Zekes is the only sports bar ive ever been to that served Oriental food along with the typical sports bar menu. i tried their chili and the 49er dog; both were great. shy sheryl had the jambalaya and said it was ok but not as good as the jambalaya at tresettis in modesto. Zekes is a good unusual sports bar. 20 televisions and the price of beer was really good, but dont take it too seriously. Only problem; i went there to see a giants game and found out they were out of town. but the price of beer was great!

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