Black screen, white letters in the center: June 9, 934 A.R. Fade to Hero in town square.

Guy Foxx runs up. Guy: Hey, Hero! Here.

Watch center screen. Guy: Think of it as an early birthday present.

Hero: Guy, My birthday was four months ago. Guy: So put it on, buddy. Ive got one, too.

Hero: Oh, boy. Well be the synchronized watches brigade. Guy: Wheres your sense of wonder, Hero?

Hero: Wonder? Its a watch. Guy: Tut, tut, tut. A watch you say? You cut me to the quick. Do you really think I would really give you, my best friend

Hero: And only. Guy: my amigo, my compadre, a meager timepiece?

Hero: So this watch is not a watch? Guy: Well, it is a watch.

Hero: Guy: A special watch.

Hero: Special.

Guy:

Cast your gaze upon it. It has, not just the time, but also the day and year.

Hero: Oh, good. Id almost forgotten what year it was. Guy: You might soon. Try pressing that plus button.

Game: (Press the up button on the keyboard for plus.) The world distorts slightly and then snaps back. Hero: What in the? Guy: Hero! Check your watch!

Hero: The year changed. Guy: Yeah!

Hero: Great. Now, my watch is wrong. What a good friend you are. Guy: Is it wrong?

Hero: Oh, of course. You have not only managed to invent time travel, you have miniaturized it so it fits in a small digital watch, and the two of us have just made history as the first people to violate non-Newtonian physics. What a fool Ive been. Its so obvious. Guy: Yeah, basically.

Hero: Wait, what? Guy: We have traveled one year into the future.

Hero: Guy, weve been friends for a long time. But youre lying. Guy: Oh, am I? Keep pressing the button, its only been a year, nothings changed yet.

Forward six more years. Guy: Hey, look!

(Runs over) Guy: They built a pub!

Hero: {Stunned} Guy: Want to stop in for a pint?

Hero: Guy: Maybe later.

Hero: Guy Guy: Yes?

Hero: You invented a time machine. Guy: Yes.

Hero: How? Guy: Gosh, Hero, youre makin me blush.

Hero: So We have absolute power. Guy: What?

Hero: You know Find out who won the Kentucky Derby, see how the stock market did. Wed get rich and become petty despots and rename the town after us. That always works out in the movies, right? Guy: (My God, Im going to have to kill my best friend.)

Hero: What!? Guy: There are laws about these kinds of things, Hero!

Hero: There are? Guy: Of course! Otherwise we could end up, I dont know, making out with our grandmothers or something. Hero: You have a dirty mind.

Guy:

Im serious, Hero. We must use this power for good and not evil.

Hero: Oh, Okay. Guy: Sign the charter.

Piece of paper, center screen. Hero: What? Guy: I have drafted the Time Travelers Manifesto! It has the laws and mores for time travelers.

Hero: One: Thou shalt not travel into the past. Two: Thou shalt not reveal a fellow time traveler for what he is. Three: Thine mother Guy: Just sign it.

Hero: Alright, alright Guy: Good. Now just take this dagger and prick your finger

Hero: What? Guy: Kidding. So wanna look around the future a bit more?

(The player can go back and forward, but cant go into any buildings: if you do Guy says: Too bad its National Lock Your Doors and Board Up Your Windows Day. Otherwise we could have partied down with all the future people. Hero: Couldnt we just go to a different day of the year? I mean, were years in the future. Cant we go just one more day? Guy: No. The game wouldnt be any fun that way. Hero: Game?) 12ish years in the future: Guy: Um Hero?

Hero: Yeah? Guy: Have you noticed that you look a little bit older?

Hero: No Guy: Could you go back a few years? With the minus button?

(Press down on the keyboard for minus) (If the player presses up Guy: No, seriously, Hero.) The player goes back a few years. Guy: Youre younger again! Phew, for a second there, I thought I had committed a horrible atrocity.

Hero: So as you go back and forward your age is what it would be in the year youre in. Guy: I guess so

Hero: You guess so. Guy: Yup.

Hero: How many more things are we going to figure out as we go along? Guy: A lot.

Once the player goes 20 years into the future, every thing is in ruins, all the buildings are burnt out and the grass is gone. Hero: What the Hero runs around, looking in doors. Hero: What happened? Guy: It looks like some kind of Armageddon.

Hero: But it was fine. A year ago. It was fine. Guy:

Hero: We have to do something.

Guy:

Hero: RIGHT?! Guy: Yeah. Something. We need to go home.

Hero: Huh? Guy: We need to think. Something. We need to think

Hero: Alright Back to the first year. Guy: Hero, I

Hero: Ill see you tomorrow, Guy. Hero walks off. Fade to black, white letters in the center: June 10, 934 A.R. Fade to Hero and Grandpa at a table. Hero: Twenty years. Ffft. Gone. Grandpa: What are you babbling about Hero? Hero: Guy took me on a jolly excursion yesterday. Grandpa: Where? Hero: Nowhere in particular, but he did invent a time machine. Grandpa: Well, good for him. Hero: You seemed to take that in stride rather easily. Grandpa: Hey, I thought computers seemed absurd. Why, you wouldnt believe it. When I was a kid it was stick and hoop or sit in the corner. Hero: Right.

Grandpa: So, did you like the future? Hero: Some parts. The ending sucked, though. Grandpa: What happened? Hero: Some kind of apocalypse. Grandpa: Thats a shame. I liked this town. Hero: Once again, you seemed to take that in stride rather easily. Grandpa: Well, Its not like Ill be alive to suffer through it. Hero: Hmm Maybe you will be. Ill be back in a minute, Grandpa. Cut to outside. Hero: (Guys House is just north of mine.) (You know, its odd. Why did I think that? I knew where his house was without thinking it.) (Its as if theres some omniscient being who can read my thoughts but has no notion of the local topography.) (Creepy.) (The player can now go in any building and talk to any character, but if he tries to go forward in time Hero says: (I should talk to Guy first.) (And why do I keep talking in my head?)) Once in Guys house. Hero: Hey Guy, this might seem like a funny question, but would you happen to have any additional watches? Guy: Well If by that you mean Did you make a full set of watches for all our family and friends with the eventual plan of forming a Time Travelers Brigade, Then yes, yes I did. Hero: Guy: So heres that watch you were looking for.

Watch, center screen.

Hero: Just how many watches did you make? Guy: Seven.

Hero: Pretty small brigade. Barely a detachment, really. Guy: Well, I was going to make more, but I ran into some logistical issues.

Hero: Judging from the fact that this looks eerily like the watch I gave you last Christmas, Id say you ran out of watches to retrofit. Guy: Why did you want that one anyway?

Hero: To show Grandpa the future. Guy: This Ive got to see.

Game: Guy is now tagging along with you. Its actually a little creepy. Once in Heros house. Hero: Hey Grandpa, put this on. Grandpa: What is this? Hero: Its Grandpa: Oh, God, youre trying to kill me, arent you? Hero: What? N Grandpa: Oh I feed you and clothe you and work my fingers to the bone for you and this is the thanks I get? Why, it just goes to show you: kids these days will do anything for a few dollars inheritance. Well, the jokes on you, Sonny Boy, youre not gettin one red cent. I blew all my money on lottery tickets and heroin. Ha, HA! Hero: Actually its that time machine. Grandpa: Oh. Oh, dear. Hero:

Grandpa: Guy: Cmon guys, lets go to the future!

Grandpa: Yes, I want to see this apocalypse Ive heard so much about. You cant leave the room. Once in the last year: Hero: Well, here we are Grandpa, the future. I guess you never thought youd see it, eh? Grandpa? Guy: Hero! He died! Remember? We age when we go into the future! Grandpa must die sometime during the last year.

Hero: What? Guy: Do so. Grandpa: What just happened? Hero: You died. Grandpa: Oh really? I should cancel my life insurance. Guy: Ignoring the rampant fraud in our midst, This is really useful. Go back a year Hero.

Hero: Useful? How? Guy: Well, Just suppose we do some thing ridiculously dangerous and stupid. If one of us died the rest of us could just go back a year and wed all be alive.

Hero: Hmm but wouldnt we still die in that future? I mean Grandpa is still going to die, isnt he? Guy: Yeah But thats going to happen no matter how he lives his life, right? Its not because of anything he does, its just old age. So if we die and then go back a year, and live that year without hopping around in time,

And that time around we dont do the ridiculously stupid thing, We wouldnt die would we? Hero: Hmm I suppose But I really dont want to test it. Guy: I suppose not

Grandpa: This might just sound like the half-senile ramblings of an old man, But Id be interested in finding out how this apocalypse happened. Hero: So would I, but How? Its a complete wasteland in the future. I dont think theres anyone around to tell us what happened. Grandpa: Rome wasnt destroyed in a day, Sonny. The foundations of this apocalypse were surely laid down at least a decade before its fruition. Hero: Thats a good point. We should do some reconnaissance. Guy: Yes!

Hero: Oh, yes Id forgotten that strange high that reconnoitering gives you. Weirdo. Guy: What are you talking about? I hate reconnaissance. But everyone knows that the best place to find info Is the pub!

Hero: Guy, we have to stay sober for this. Guy: Aww

Hero: But that pub idea is a good one. We should go there in several different years to see what people say. In the eleventh year Grant is in the bar. Grant: Guy: Hey, Hero, I think this guy might be important.

Hero: Why?

Guy:

He got his own portrait thingy.

Hero: Huh? Guy: You know, that portrait that appears whenever an important character is talking. I mean, our creator couldnt draw one for everybody, could he? Hero: But the barmaid has a portrait, too. Does that mean shes an important character? Guy: Hmm I think shes just something to look at. I mean, unless she packing heat under the counter, I cant see how shed be much use to us. Hero: Alright So, what do we say to this guy? Guy: Er Lets just wing it.

Hero: Guy, I dont think thats a good Guy: Hi!

Grant: {hard look} Hello yourself. Guy: Nice day were having!

Hero: {facepalm} Grant: I dont see whats so darn nice about it. Guy: It is a trifle cloud

Grandpa: What my crude friend is tying so say is: do you have any news fresh from the grapevine? Grant: Heard the Witchll be annexing brahmbourg next. Hero: The Witch? Grant: Yeah, the Witch. You Deaf? Grandpa: Im afraid we have just returned from an extended journey to the, uh, Himalayas. We found enlightenment, but were rather out of touch with current events.

Hero: (Thats some impressive on-the-spot lying.) (We clearly have much to learn from our elders) Grant: Well I dont know why you fed me that cock-and-bull story Hero: {shocked} Grant: But I feel like venting anyway. It was almost a year ago right? Mary: Itll be a year three days from now. Grant: Right Ill have to celebrate that anniversary. Anyway this chick comes flying in outa nowhere n decimates the entire army. Mary: Yeah, all twelve of them. Grant: Well, yeah But we coulda raised more. It was the way she did it that killed us. I mean she just points a finger and poof! dead. Whos gonna enlist after that, huh? Hero: Thats like magic. Grant: Who knows what it is? All I know is it works. Hero: {shocked} Guy: But who is this Witch character?

Grant: Who knows? Shes certainly not one of my friends. Hero: What, shes just a complete mystery? SOMEONE must know her! Mary: There was that one girl You know, the magician? She comes in here every few weeks. Seems to have a history with the Witch. At least, thats the way she talks. Hero: Do you know where we can find her? Mary: I think she lives in that old, abandoned theme park. Dont know how she gets there, the ferries stopped years ago.

Hero: Thats alr Guy: ABANDONED?! Islewild was abandoned?!

Mary: About four years ago, yeah. Guy: How could this have happened {Slumped}

Grandpa: Why, I remember when I first went to Islewild. I rode that rickety old wooden coasterthe whatcha-call-it? The Whiplash! Why, I thought I was done for on each turn, the way it was squeaking and rattling. I was one of the last to ever ride it. Whole thing collapsed not thirty minutes after I got off. Such death as I have never seen. Hero: Right, well, well try to get there somehow. Grant: No use. She got taken by the Witchs guard last week. Once they go in, they never come out. Mary: What! Another one! Thereve been so many. Hero: {depressed} Grant: Gosh, now you got me all depressed. I need another round, Mary. Mary: I think youve had more than enough, Grant. Grant: Oh, dont give me that. My Ma died years ago, are you trying to channel her spirit? Mary: {gun} I said youve had enough. Guy:
I think we should go.

Grant: Sorry, Mary No need to go all half cocked Mary: *sigh* Im sorry, Grant, Im just on edge these days. Grant: Tsalright. Were all on edge these days.

Mary: Still, I shouldnt take it out on you. Come on. On the house. Grant: Heh heh heh She always sees it my way. You have to go to one of the first six years and take the ferry. Once on the island, there is a huge crowd that makes an impassable wall. Guy: Wow.

Hero: Its so crowded Grandpa: Well kids, theres only when way to get through a crowd like this CHARGE! He runs at the crowd and bounces off. Grandpa: Its too powerful! Guy: Do so. Guy: Oh, man Islewild. What have they done to you? Well, I suppose we might as well go into the future. It shouldnt be so crowded when its abandoned.

Hero: Im sorry, Guy. The dream is over. Guy: It was such a beautiful dream.

Grandpa: Somethings moving up ahead. Hero: What?! Enemy comes up and a battle starts. Guy: Hey, Hero, do you think you might need to brush up on your battle skills? Because this battle seems like the perfect place for a tutorial. Why dont you just go ahead and select the attack panel

Hero: What kind of idiot do you take me for? Its a simple turn-based RPG. We attack, they attack, we attack, they attack.

You dont need to hold my hand. Guy: B-but there are intricacies. Like, you select the panel with the letter on the upper left of the panel. No more D-pad! Its radical!

Hero: Oh, come on. Letters? I think I can roll with it. Now, would you shut up and let me senselessly slaughter these creatures who happened to stray across my path? Fight that battle. Guy: So youre sure you dont need even the slightest bit of tutorial?

Hero: Guy: So, anyway Isnt it kind of odd that that thing just up and attacked us? I mean, how did it even get here?

Hero: Well, it looks like well have to fight a number of them to get through here. Why its practically a fully-fledged dungeon! Grandpa: And the player only had to slog through fifteen pages of text to get here! Guy: Heres a tip for the dyslexic among you: Just keep hammering the space bar! Things should work out eventually!

Hero: Or, better yet, just stop playing. And go away. Grandpa: You know dyslexic people probably arent reading this So we could just insult them with impunityright? Hero: Yeah! We totally could! Guy? Guy: Why do you immediately look my way?

Hero: I think you know why.

Guy:

Yeah Well let me see I think dyslexic people Can be impolite! At times.

Grandpa: Youre really slipping. Give me a crack. Ahem! Black screen, white letters: Im afraid the following scene has been cut. For public relations purposes I would like to humbly apologize to the dyslexically inclined community. My lawyers have told me that I am deeply offended on their behalf. Not that they can read this. No, on a serious note, I hold nothing against dyslexic people and know that they can read this. Im just trying to make people laugh. Grandpa: So thats what I think about dyslexic people. Hero: Wow. That was really deep and nuanced. Guy: I sure hope everyone was paying attention, because that was something you just cant replicate. Hero: Yes it was. Now, let us continue on our quest. Guy: Um What was our quest again? Its been a long digression.

Hero: Erm Im sure well remember as we go along. At the end of this long dungeon you get to a stage theater. Guy: Oh, now I remember!

Litagano: Who goes there? Hero: Who goes THERE? Litagano: You tell me first. Guy: No, YOU tell ME first.

Black screen, white letters: Some time later Guy: O.K., well tell you first. Im Guy Foxx.

Hero: Im Hero. Grandpa: I dont even remember my name! Hah. The look on your faces. The names Grandpa. Litagano: And I go by Litagano Motscoud. Hero: Is that really your name? Litagano: No. But my stage name will function. Hero: {Giving her an appraising look} We came here for information. Litagano: I cant frankly see any use in any information I could divulge But go ahead. Shoot. Hero: What do you know about a woman called Well, I dont know her name Litagano: {withering look} Hero: But everyone seemed to call her the Witch. Litagano: I would guess youre referring to my erstwhile partner? Hero: What was her name? Litagano: I know as much about her real name as you know about mine. She went by a series of pseudonyms. I doubt even her own mother knew her name. Guy: could? This might seem like a funny question, but Does she seem like the kind of person who would perform a putsch if she

Litagano: Yeah, thats a pretty good description.

Hero: How do you think she might attempt such a thing? Litagano: Are you saying she has attempted this? Hero: Im afraid she succeeded. Litagano: WHAT?! Grandpa: Or rather She will succeed. Litagano: Im a magician by trade. {Predicting the future is impossible.} I read the audiences mind and predict their future. {I know.} So I know it cant be done. {I do it every weekday at noon, three, and six.} Hero: Mister Big Brain over there invented a time machine. Litagano: Ah. Well that changes things. Guy: Youre rather gullible.

Litagano: You can easily prove it to me later. Presuming youre telling the truth You must have been through quite a lot. A place run by her The Witch you called her? Its a good name. It must be awful. Hero: Not for long. Ten years after she takes over, the whole town is burnt to the ground. Heck, it could be the whole world for all I know. Litagano: ! I should have killed her when I had the chance. When does this Armageddon occur? Hero: 953. I asked how she would do this. From what Ive been told, she could kill people with a sharp look. Whered that come from? Litagano: Hmph. So she actually did it. *sigh* Many years ago Well twelve years ago, when I was just starting out in the industry

I met her. She was just like me. Obsessed with magic. But she thought it was real. I mean all we were doing was smoke and mirrors But she thought there was a real thing out there somewhere, And she was obsessed with finding it. I just humored her and we became partners in our little travelling show. I guess I became the best friend shed ever had Not that shed ever really had any. She eventually confided in me on the specifics. She believedand from what youve said, I guess she was rightthat there was an artifact. And that it would give someone magic beyond comprehension if they committed a horrible ritual. I think it was when she offered me a Caribbean island in exchange for unswerving obedience that I broke off our partnership. Hmm if she takes power by 943, then she must get the artifact by 938. Guy: Why?

Litagano: {shrug} She said there was a five year incubation period. She seems to have been right about everything else. Why not that, too? Guy: Did she happen to mention a foolproof way of defeating her?

Litagano: Actually Hero: Youre kidding! Litagano: She said the process creates a sort of, you know, wooden-stake-on-avampire kind of thing. She was implying that if I kept it safe, Id get the Cayman Islands. Hero: A silver bullet? That seems awfully Deus ex Machina. Grandpa: Dont complain, Hero. If not for that, this game would be so long, it wouldnt even be finished yet. Guy: Woah! I forgot you were here, Grandpa. Its been ages since you had a line.

Grandpa: Yeah well, Im comedic relief and this has been a very serious scene. Litagano: Im afraid it might not be such a Deus ex Machina. No doubt she guards this silver bullet jealously, So wed probably have to kill her to get the thing that kills her.

Hero: Oh How hard do you think it would be to kill her without the silver bullet? Litagano: given her vivid descriptions I think wed all die. She really did spill her guts, though. She also talked about these two talismans. One was supposed to protect you from magic. And the other was supposed to cut through all protective charms. I think if we could find them her defenses. Wed have a fighting chance against her. Hero: Alright Litagano: But make no mistake, most of us would still probably die. If we could beat her at all. Hero: Well What if we killed her, got the silver bullet Went back in time, and killed her with it. Litagano: ! Thats a good idea. Hero: We could even go back to when she was what did you say? Incubating? Litagano: Think of a butterfly in its chrysalis. Hero: Well, we could go back to this point and kill her then, so she never comes to power. Litagano: The only problem with that is I dont know where she would be. Im sure she hid herself well while she was most vulnerable. Hero: Well We could find out somehow Guy: We could just ask her.

Hero: What? Guy: Like, when were killing her and all. We could just mention it I mean, why would she hide it then?

Litagano: Well She likes to plan against contingencies, but I dont see how she could predict time travel. It might be worth a shot. Hero: O.K., so first we need to find these talismans. Where would they be? Litagano: I havent the slightest idea. But, Im sure shes found them. She must have them heavily guarded. If we could find out where her men are, We should be able to find the talismans. Hero: Clever, but How would we find out where her men are? It seems like thats just shunting the problem sideways. Litagano: There must be an underground movement. There always is. Hero: (Have you done this before?) Litagano: And no, I havent done this before. Ive just read history. Grandpa: Well, I for one think this is an excellent plan. Well done, team. But Its getting pretty late and Im old and infirm. I think its time we went home for the night. Hero: But Litagano: Hes right, Hero. We should pace ourselves. This might seem urgent, but weve got all the time in the world. With this time machine, that is. Guy: That reminds me. Here.

Watch, center screen. Guy: You can come with us. That will prove to you that we traveled in time. Im sure we can work out a kip for you at my house.

Litagano: Ill be fine in my hammock. Fade to black, white letters in the center: June 11, 934 A.R.

Heros house. Grandpa is sitting at the table on the left. Hero has pushed his chair away from the table down and right. Litagano is sitting cross-legged on the floor, upper right. Guy is leaning against the upper wall. Litagano: So how do we go about this? Hero: I say we go back to the pub. Guy: Yes!

Hero: Sober, Guy! Guy: Aww

Litagano: How trustworthy did they seem? Hero: The barmaid was the one who mentioned you, so Id trust her. The Soldier I dont know. But he seemed pretty tuned in. Litagano: Of course, he might not even be there. Hero: He seemed like a regular. The way he was knockin em back Go there and then. Mary: Youre alive! Litagano: Indeed I am. I never thought I died. Hero: While this may seem miraculous, we have more important things to do. Are we being watched? Grant: Of course. But I think I know what youre asking. Come with me. Mary: Im coming, too. Mike! Man the store. Grant leads the crew to the clock shop. Clock Man: Ahoy, Grant. I have a fine grandfather just in. Grant: I would love to see it.

Walks to a clock in the back. Grant: It seems to be a few minutes slow. Clock Man: Well, sometimes the currents of time need a little shove. Grant fiddles with the clock and it slides aside. Grant: Come on. Down the stairs, there is a room with a large table and four people sitting around it. Grant: Hey, Mack! Newbies. Mack: Well done Grant, Mary. The names Earl MacEarey. Call me Mack. This heres Tommy Jones. Tommy: Hey. Mack: Gene Schnieder. Gene: Arr. Mack: And Smokey Roberts. Smokey: Hi. Hero: Im Hero. Guy: Guy Foxx.

Tommy: Like the ballplayer? Guy: No. I wish people would stop asking that.

Grandpa: Shut up Guy. I go by Grandpa. Litagano: Litagano Motscoud. Gene: Gesundheight. Litagano: {Withering look}

Grant: And just to make introductions complete Im Grant OKelly. Mary: And Im Mary Stuart. Grant: You can speak freely here, Hero. Hero: It was your idea, Litagano. Litagano: Do you know where the Witch has stationed her men? Mack: Hmm why? Litagano: We think shes guarding something two somethings. Where her men are the things will be. Mack: Treasure or weapons? Litagano: Weapons. Mack: Alright. Most of her men are always stationed in the big field south-west of town. As for a second place Gene? Smokey? See what you can find out. Gene and Smokey exit. Hero: Thanks. Mack: Think nothing of it. Not that I really think youll succeed. But Ill just keep chasing dead ends until the Witch is dead. Hero: Once you go out to the clock shop. Mary: Im coming with you. Grant: And me. Hero: ? Grant: If you can bring the dead back to life I want to hitch my cart to your wagon. Hero, Guy, Grandpa, and Litagano pull back.

Guy:

Do you think we can trust them Hero?

Hero: Yeah. You? Guy: Yup.

Litagano: I trust them if you do. Grandpa: I dont trust anyone. Hero: Alright, guys, youre in. Mary: Good, but I think you should provide sufficient backstory before we go any farther. Black screen, White letters. Do you really want me to show it? Mary: Ah, I understand everything fully now. Guy: Here.

Watch, center screen. You can now proceed to the field southwest of town, or just have fun around town (as usual). The field is a bit different from a standard linear dungeon. Its a perfect square and to beat it, you just have to find the boss. Hes roughly in the upper left, but you can get behind him. If you go off the beaten path, you can get some items. At the beginning of the dungeon: Litagano: So this is where her troops are. Mary: Yeah, its pretty weird being here. This place is generally a no-go zone. Guy: So how do we find the talisman?

Grant: Shes probably left it with her general. Ive heard of him, hes apparently the body of one of the soldiers she killed. Reanimated into her puppet. Hero: So I guess hes somewhere in here. Once you find the boss: Guy: You must have the talisman!

Hero: How do you know? Guy: Just look at him! He has that end-of-dungeon boss feel.

Hero: This isnt a dungeon; its a field. Guy: Well, thats just because this games so avant-garde.

The Forgotten Soldier: You are right, one who wears purple. Guy: About the avant-garde or the talisman?

The Forgotten Soldier: Well, both. But I was referring to the talisman. En garde! Once you defeat the boss he sinks to his knees and flings the talisman at you. The Forgotten Soldier: Thank you Game: You got the Talisman of Destruction. Litagano: Well done. Grant: Poor bloke Hero: We can save him. He wont have ever died if we kill the Witch. Grandpa: Alright kids, lets call it a day. We can get the second talisman tomorrow. You must go back in time now. Once in the first year: Mary: ! Im younger. Hero: Oh, yeah. I forgot to mention that. Mary: Forgot. Just slipped youre mind. Grant! Youre arm! Its back. Grant: Arr so it is. Hero: Itll go again. When we go back into the future.

Grant: Guy: Come on, weve got to figure out a way to squeeze you two in to our houses for the night. Fade to black, white letters in the center: June 12, 938 A.R. Thats right, I said 938. Were goin all omniscient. Its dawn. A shadowy figure approaches the door of a house. It shatters, and she goes in. Inside, the figure stands for a few seconds, then knocks over a vase, intentionally. A figure comes down the stairs. Billys Dad: Muhhhh? The Witch: Where is it? Billys Dad: I dont know what youre talking about. Another figure comes down the stairs. Billys Mom: Whats going on, dear? The Witch: Youre just in time to tell me where it is, Or die under torture. Billy Mom: Im sure I dont know what youre Billys Dad pulls a knife and charges the Witch. Suddenly he freezes. The Witch: That was foolish. Cut to an exterior shot, ?: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIEEEEEE!

A shadowy figure leaves the house. ?: Mom?

Fade to black, white letters in the center: June 12, 934 A.R. Dawn breaks on an exterior shot of Guys and Heros houses. Litagano is sleeping in her hammock.

Fade to black. In Heros house everyone is arranged as before, with Mary sitting at the top of the table, her chair turned around facing to the right, and Grant has pulled up an arm chair in the lower right. Grant: As far as I can see, we see if Mack has found out anything, if not we look around our selves. Hero: Everyone agreed? Alright. When you go to 938: ?: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Mary: What was that? Litagano: It came from over there. They run to the left. And enter Billys house. Billy is kneeling on the floor, between his parents bodies. Mary: Oh, my Mary runs over to Billy. Billy: Theyre theyre Litagano walks over to one of the bodies. Grant slumps into a chair. Guy walks to the far upper right and faces the wall. Mary: There, there. Grandpa: Did we really need a murder? Im not gonna have a line for days. Billy: DEAD! Guy:

Litagano: This was the Witchs doing. Grant: WHAT?! Litagano: Not a mark on them. Magic. Besides, I recognize them. She had a picture of them all those years ago Id always assumed they were her parents.

Hero: Why would she have a picture of them? Pause. Billy: Theyre guardians. Mary: ? Billy: They always said that they were guarding something from bad people. Litagano: ! They must have been guarding the artifact. This is how she got it. Pause. Billy: Who got it? Grant: The Witch. Billy: Where is she? Mary: Should we tell him everything? Hero: Yeah. Black screen, White letters. Once again, do you really want me to show it? Billy: So we could go back and kill her before she hurt anyone? Hero: Well, only if we could find her. When shes in stasis, sure But I dont know if we could prevent this. Billy: Im coming with you. Mary: What? You cant. Billy: You cant stop me. Mary: Shouldnt you Bury them before you go on a quest? Billy: Im going to save them with or without your help.

Mary: But Grant: Hes right, Mary. You cant stop him. {Hes twelve. Cant stop em once they get to twelve.} Mary: Yeah. Guy: Here.

Watch, center screen. Hero: Lets go. Once you go into the eleventh year and into the clock shop: Grant: Found anything yet Mack? Mack: No. And no kids allowed. Billy: ! Mack: No offense, kid, but I dont want any underage martyrs. Outside: Guy: Hero, why dont we just go to the last year before the Armageddon? He should be plenty old enough, and if theres any information to find, He should have found it by then.

Hero: Thats a good idea. Do so. Mack: ! I thought you were dead. Grant: Thats quite a hello. Hero: It might be later than when you were expecting, But have you found out anything? Mack: About where her troops are? Uh Gene? Gene: There was something odd going on in the train station. But we never found out what it was. Besides, that was six years ago.

Guy:

Six? Good to know.

Mack: ? Getting back to the present Will you guys be in town tomorrow? Hero I guess. Mack: Sgonna be quite a show. Grant: What Is? Mack: If everything goes to plan, The Witchs end. Grant: Really?! Mack: Sbeen nine long years Ive been amassing ammo. Recruiting men. Got almost 600. Grant: Wow Whered they all come from? Mack: Mostly other towns shes conquered. Been a lot of those recently. Most of em dont expect to live out the day. But theyre hopin to bring the Witch down with em. Litagano: Mary: I wish you all luck. Mack: Hah Were gonna need it, sister. Outside: Litagano: Hey I dont think they can do it. Not without the talismans. Grant: I dont think it really matters. Litagano: ! Grant: They know how unlikely it is.

Theyre happy just to try. Litagano: But Grant: We could tell them that its futile and that they should just live out the rest of their lives in calm obscurity But they wouldnt take our advice. If any did, theyd soon wish they were dead. Live free or die. They believe it. Litagano: Hero: Even if they do die We can save them. Litagano: Yeah. Go back to 946 and go to the train station. Inside: Mary: Its deserted. Guy walks up to a ticket sellers window. Guy: Anyone Home? Hero: Lets see if we can get to the train. They walk to the right, onto a platform. Guy walks up to the train door. Guy: Its open. Everyone files in. Inside the train: Mary: This is so eerie. Grandpa: This reminds me of the time I took the Ariantal Express. Hero: Yes, yes. Everyone died. Im too creeped out to hear another one of your horror stories. Grandpa: Actually, I was going to talk about the high quality of the refreshments Music begins to play. Mary: Weve started moving!

Grant: Where is it taking us? Hero: I-I dont know. The rails split off in several directions. Guy: Well, look out a window.

Billy: Theyre all blacked out! Grandpa: The doors wont open. Grant: If we could get to the front car, we could stop the train. Hero: Lets go then! Yep its a very linear dungeon. In the last car: Grant: The conductor! The conductor swivels his chair around. Conductor: Enjoying the ride? Billy: No. Conductor: Aww Well, show your ticket to a representative at the next station, and hell give you a voucher for five geldmarks off your next ticket. If you ever get to the next station. The fight begins. At the end: Conductor: Well done. Please wait for the train to come to a complete stop before opening the doors. Please mind your step as you depart the train. Thank you, and we hope you choose National Rails the next time you want to senselessly slaughter your smiling conductor. Game: You got the Talisman of Preservation. Grandpa: Well he was a weirdo. Guy: You one to talk.

Hero: Same to you, Guy. Mary: Come on, lets get off this freaky train.

They open the door and exit. Mary: This is the platform we started on! Grant: What?! Litagano: The Witch is just toying with us. Billy: Im never gonna be able to ride a train again. Hero: Emotional scars aside, Mission accomplished. We got the second talisman. That means we storm the Bastille tomorrow, right? Litagano: Yeah. Grandpa: I thought we were storming the palace. Hero: Yeah, we are Grandpa: Then why did you say the Bastille? Hero: It was just a meta Grandpa: It was just very confusing. Hero: Are you done? Grandpa: Yes. Grant: Err I was thinking, Theres something Ive got to do. Could you meet me in a few minutes in 936 at the town square? Mary: Sure. Grant leaves. When you go to 936: Hero: So, what was it that you were doing? Mary: Grant! Your arm! Guy: Didnt you notice that yesterday?

Mary: No He lost it in 935.

Guy:

So !

Grant: Yeah I relived the last year. And this time I didnt screw up. Hero: ! Guy: Well, Hero I hate to say I told you so, but

Hero: What? Guy: You know, I said it, like, three dungeons ago. If we mess up, we can go back and do it again.

Hero: Congratulations. Guy: Thank you.

Hero: Lets call it a night. Fade to black, white letters in the center: June 13, 934 A.R. Heros house, same as before, but with Billy sitting at Marys feet, leaning against her shins. Hero: Well, this is it. Guy: Yep.

Hero: This pause is getting awkward. In the eleventh year: Litagano: I know we could just go kill her But Id like to see how Mack is doing. Grant: Yeah. Once you go to the second to last year, the town is in flames, bodies strew the ground, the monument in town square is broken, and many of the buildings have collapsed.

Hero: ! {Shocked} Mary: What Happened? Grant: Mack! Grant runs over to a body on the ground. Grant: What happened, Mack? Mack: *cough* Heh she got me good. I had no idea. We couldnt even dent her. This is her idea of a slap on the wrist. Shes gonna burn the crops and salt the fields. Metaphorically, of course. Litagano: Why would she destroy her kingdom? Mack: Kingdom? Sister, this is just a backwater compared to the rest of her conquests. I dont know why she kept her base of operations here. Sentiment, I guess. She movin on to bigger and better things. As am I. Grant: Come on, Mack. Get up. Well help you recover. Mack: Recover? I dont know if youve noticed, given all the corpses on top a me, But Im afraid Ive lost my leg. Mary: What! Mack: Im bleeding out as we speak. I reckon Ive got Two minutes before I lose consciousness. Grant: Mack: Grant, Mary and Ive forgotten the rest of your names When you remember this, pretend I gave a really eloquent deathbed speech. I should have composed it beforehand, but You know, where can you find the time? Mary: You really killed the moment there, Mack.

Mack: Arr Im just killin everythin these days, aint I? Meself, the moment, And you, too, if you dont get out of here quick. Witch could be back here lookin for survivors any minute. Mary: But Mack: Go on, get. Go back a year. Litagano: Mary: Grant: Billy: None of those people are going to die. Mary: ! Billy: Were going to save them all. Believe me we will. Hero: Yes, we will. Grandpa: This is the worst day of my life. Hero: I didnt think that would effect you so much. Grandpa: Well, its not as bad as the coaster, But I do have a long, backstory-related reason why this triggers various psychological scars. Hero: Sorry, Grandpa, this games running long in the script department already. Guy: Why, its already a three to one word to gameplay ratio! Congratulations! You just bought a book! We were only pretending this was a game, but now we can through off this flimsy faade, and revel in our true identity. Ahem Grandpa: Stop stealing my bit. If you go up to the palace: Hero: Its locked.

Guy:

Oh, no! After all this, we get defeated by a locked door.

Hero: Theres a note: The key is in the cathedral. This is the stupidest side quest ever. Grandpa: Come on, Hero. They needed to pad the length just a little. Hero: But why dont we just knock down the door? Its just wood. Litagano: Im afraid that would be impossible. In my professional opinion, this door has been, er Enchanted. Yeah, totally impervious. Hero: You, too? Fine. Mary: I dont know my Im saying this, since we all know it already, but the cathedral is due west. At the cathedral: Hero: Oh great, this ones locked, too. Wheres the key now, in an Easter egg? Billy: Actually I think its blocked from the inside. Grant: Yeah, the roof collapsed. Its probably barricading the door. Hero: Oh, so now we must go on a quest to find the most affordable handyman company. Truly this is a quest befitting the most epic of quests. Guy: Calm down Hero. Just go back to before the roof collapsed.

Hero: Oh. Once you do: Litagano: And now go back to the future.

Do so. The cathedral is strewn with rubble, and stripped of carpeting and wallpaper. Guy: Wow, I can see why we couldnt get through before.

Mary: Theres a door back here, guys. Once you go through, you go down stairs and though a hallway, which is blocked by rubble. Litagano: And back again. Once you do, the rubble is gone, but the door behind you is gone. Hero: Hey, now we cant go back. Grant: I think the Witch must have carved a path through here, placed the key, and then caved it in. So, we might have to back and forth in time to get to the end. Hero: Thats tedious. At the end: Priestess: Hello. Hero: Hi. Priestess: Excuse me, I must pray before we duel. Hero: Be my guest. Priestess: Oh, Goddess who has placed me here to guard her most precious key Hero: (Does she really think the Witch is God?) Litagano: (I know the Witch thinks the Witch is God.) Priestess: ?: Please grant me the strength to overcome these infidels.

Granted.

Hero: What!? The priestess transforms into a monster. Fight. Afterwards: Priestess: How could these heathens defeat me? Even with all your power?

Guy:

That was weird!

Hero: Well said, Guy. Lets get out of here. When you exit the door, it takes you through a secret passage that brings you back to the beginning. Grandpa: Burned another day. Oh, well. Its fun! Heightens the tension. Fade to black, white letters in the center: June 14, 934 A.R. Everyones sitting in Heros house. Hero: Why are we even talking this over? Lets go kill her. On your way to the eleventh year, in the tenth, there are screams and several soldiers lying dead. Hero: Whats going on?! Mary: Oh! This is the day, Hero! The day she takes over. Hero: What? Grant: That horrible day Litagano: There she is. The camera pans up and left and we see the Witch flying over the palace. Hero: Come back here! Litagano: Its no good. Shes gone. Hero: No Grant: Come on, lets get out of here. We can use the key like we intended. In the eleventh year, go up to the palace.

Hero: It opened. Inside: Hero: Oh, goody were inside. Now we can babysit the Witchs nephew for a week. Or reorganize her medicine cabinet. ?: No. But you will meet you doom.

Grant: Who goes there? A giant crab falls from the ceiling. Guy: Its an enormous villain crustacean!

Giant Enemy Crab: Enemy Crab! Giant Enemy Crab! Im quite famous, so get my name right. Grandpa: Really? This meme is so 2006. Giant Enemy Crab: Youd better not hold back because I have real-time weapon change. Fight begins. He only has one health point. Giant Enemy Crab: And I never got to see ancient Japan Hero: Id just like to say, This battle actually took place. Guy: You really handled him, Hero.

Hero: Well, I did attack its weak point for massive damage. Which, fortunately, was its entire body. Continue through the dungeon until you get to the throne room. Litagano: Where is she? Mary: Theres a note. Hero: What is it with her and notes?!

Grant: What is it? Mary: B flat. Guy: Duh dun chink.

Mary: No really, it says: To any who reads this (though I doubt anyone ever will), Congratulations, you have earned the right to come to my island. You will, perhaps, have the honor of being killed by me personally. Step onto the red platform, worm. Hugs and kisses, your overlord. Litagano: Yeah, thats her. Hero: Well, lets go. Everyone steps onto the platform. The throne room fades out and a different room fades in. Guy: Well, half a league on, men. Into the valley of death and all that.

Mary: Death? Guy: Er, well, not death, per se. Valley of smiles. Thats what I meant to say.

After walking though some dungeon corridors, you come outside and see that you are on a floating island, hanging above the town. The moon is hanging in the sky. Mary: Woah Litagano: She always did have a flair for the dramatic. Guy: Cool! Hero, can I have a floating island for Christmas?

Hero: No, youd never use it. Guy: Aww

Billy: Its getting late. Probably past midnight. Hero: Yeah I guess that means its:

Fade to black, white letters in the center: June 15, 944 A.R. Hero: Thank you. ?: Youre welcome.

Continue up the island. You come upon a castle. Theres a large block of pixilation in front of you. Guy: Oh, my gosh. Its a giant enemy crucifix?

Grandpa: No, Im sorry, this is too insensitive. It will have to be reprogrammed. SFX: Guy: Bwum, bwum, bwum. Its the giant enemy crab again.

Grandpa: Sorry, Guy. Its the only enemy we had to substitute. Hes harder this time. After the battle, everyone is about to walk into the castle when Hero walks ahead of them and turns around to face them. Hero: Guys, At this point in the game, Id normally give an inspiring speech. Id say that things looked grim. That everyone was counting us out. That the odds against us were some-made-up-number-to-one. Like a jillion. Or fantasticatrillion. But then Id say that we have a power. The power of friendship. And loyalty. And can-do spirit. Id say that with a bit of luck and a lot of heart, we can do anything. You. Youd say that you were willing to toss the dice. Grant: *nods* Youd give a complex metaphor based on your pre-established backstory. Litagano: *nods* You guys would mouth empty platitudes.

Mary: *nods* And you, comic relief, would say something so horrible and inappropriate that in normal life the rest of us would toss you of this floating island. But this is a videogame, and we wouldnt think its strange at all. And Id take off my hat, look you right in the eye, and deliver some beautiful dialog. But I cant. Because I left my notes in a different time period. So cmon, guys. Lets just go. FOR SOME REASON! All: YEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Everyone charges into the castle. Go through the castle. At the end, in a throne room, the Witch is facing away from our plucky band. Hero: Weve come for you, Witch. The Witch: Indeed. Its so amusing. She turns around. The Witch: Litagano I certainly never expected you would do something so foolish as this. Rest assured that the Caymans are forfeit. Litagano: I never thought you would execute your little coup. Im afraid thats something I just cant condone. The Witch: Too bad I always was fond of you. But it cant be helped. But Im ignoring our other guests! How very rude of me. Billy, was it? Why you were just so high when I last saw you. How IS orphanhood treating you. Billy: Rrr The Witch: Im afraid I dont know the rest of you Billy charges at her. She disappears and reappears at the other side of the room. The Witch: Now, now, Billy. Good things will come to those who wait. As I was saying before we were so rudely interrupted

I cant fathom why the rest of you would want to hurt me. Hero: Really? No idea? The Witch: None. Not that it matters. I know nothing of the thoughts of ants. I just squash them. Guy: Erm, excuse me.

The Witch: Yes, Guy? Guy: I was just kind of curious. That, uh, chrysalis thing. Its kind of freaky.

The Witch: You could call it that, if it pleases you. Guy: I was just wondering where you would DO such a thing. I mean, what if someone came across you? Disaster!

The Witch: Yes, but Im much too clever to be tripped up by something like that. Thats why I built this floating island just for that purpose. Hero: {Shocked} (Well done, Guy.) Guy: Oh, well, that explains a lot.

The Witch: Im glad your mind is at ease. Guy: Really?

The Witch: No. Now if there are no more questions... Grandpa: I have a question. The Witch: I dont care. Im going to kill you now. The fight begins. Once you win: The Witch: This feeling its so exhilarating. What is it? Its a challenge. I havent had one of those in soooooo long. I can finally do it. I can release my true potential.

Mary: What is she talking about!? The Witch: Of course, a sacrifice will be needed. She grabs Grandpa. The Witch: RrrrrrRRAAAGGGHHH! The screen dissolves in a flash of white. When you can see again, the Witch is ~20 feet tall, the roof has come off the building, and you can see lighting. Grandpa is on the ground. Hero: Grandpa?! The Witch: The power.

You insects. You cannot even fathom it.

Hero: You will pay! The fight recommences. When you win. The Witch: Hah.

Hah. Hahah. Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

The room starts shaking. Grant: Shes collapsing the cliff side! Boulders start falling. One falls right on Billy. Mary: BILLY! The Witch: Fight me.

This shall be your grave.

Grant: RUN! Ill hold her off. Get outside, or youll all be crushed while she keeps us busy. Mary: But Grant: Just get the silver bullet! Hero: Come on!

Hero, Guy, Mary, and Litagano run out, down a steep, rocky hill. A huge crash is heard, and the Witch appears before them, near the edge of the floating island. The Witch: Im impressed youve pushed me this far.

But it ends.

The ground begins to crumble beneath your feet. Guy is the closest to the edge and cant get back before the chunk of rock hes on breaks off. So he jumps at the Witch and grabs her neck. (stabby, stabby) The Witch: Nooo Hero: Guy! The Witch swats at Guy, and he tumbles off into the void. The Witch: How could such weaklings? She collapses in on herself. Mary: Is she dead? ?:

Hah.

The Witch appears as a swirling void. The Witch: Do you think mere mortals can destroy a God? The fight re-recommences, but the Witch is invulnerable. After a turn. Hero: I cant scratch her! Mary: No! Weve come too far! Litagano: *sigh* I guess I have no choice. Litagano glows white and disintegrates. The Witch is struck by lightning and jerks spasmodically. The Witch: How dare you

The battle re-re-recommences. (Last one, I promise) You can now damage the Witch. Once, you win: The Witch: How

I am INVINCIBLE!

The Witch lurches around spasmodically, sucking up parts of the ground like a black hole. Hero: Run, Mary! They start running north, with Hero slightly ahead. The island is getting quite small. Mary: Hero You know you dont have to outrun her. Hero: WHAT!? Mary: You just have to outrun me. Hero: No Mary veers off to the right. The Witch swerves to follow her. It finally gobbles her up and turns around to get Hero, who is now on the only five by five foot patch of rock left. The Witch lurches toward him, slower and slower until she makes one last lurch, stops at his feet, and implodes. The Silver Bullet pops out. Game: You got the Silver Bullet. (But its a knife) If you go back a year, the island is back to just how it was before (youre inside the throne room) and your teammates are lying on the ground around you. Hero: Youre alive Guy: Yeah! What just happened?

Hero collapses. Litagano checks his pulse. Litagano: Just fainted. I can imagine, given what must have happened. The camera starts to pan up and fade to white. Mary: Got that right. Lets see, starting at when you died, Grandpa

Grandpa: Well, they DO say life begins with getting killed The fade to white completes. Black letters: A few hours later Hero is lying on his back with Mary sitting next to him. Guy, Grandpa, Grant, and Billy are playing bridge at the Witchs erstwhile table. Litagano is sitting crosslegged to the side. Hero: Hmm Mary: Hey! Heros waking up! Grandpa: Great! Ill deal you in, Hero. Hero: Mrph. Is it hearts or bridge? Billy: Bridge. Hero: Oh, forget it then. Mary: Hero! Hero: Sor-ry So correct me if Im wrong, but we won, right? Grant: Yup. Litagano: Well We still have to use this Silver Bullet. I took it off you for safekeeping. Hope you dont mind, I was afraid youd roll over and stab yourself. Which would have been a pity after all we went through. Hero: Err, thanks. So, to use this, we just go back a few years on this very spot, right. Guy: Yep. Thanks to my information. But wait a minute, Ive almost got Grant cleaned out. Come on Queen of diamonds!

Billy: King of diamonds.

Guy:

We can go now.

If you go back a year, Instead of the throne, the Witch is standing in a clearish yellow ovaly thing, in suspended animation. Litagano: Here, Hero. The Silver Bullet, center screen. A brief pause, then Hero thrusts the knife in. There is a shattering sound, the ovaloid explodes and the Witch slumps to the ground, dead. Cut to a wide shot of the island, which starts to sink tailing off to the right, until it crashes into the ground. It is dawn. Cut to the gang jumping down (about three feet high) from the edge of island, which has landed in the field. Mary: I can hardly believe its over Hero: Yeah Grandpa: Come on, guys. Lets go home. Ill crack open the keg Ive been saving. Grant: Now youre speaking my language. The camera pans up and fades to white. Then it fades to black, white letters in the center: May 17, 935 A.R. Everyone is sitting in Heros house. Litagano: Were going to have to go now. Mary: What? Grant: Weve formulated a plan. To rescue Billys parents. Billy: Litagano: His parents are going to be killed in 26 days. And three years. Not that it matters. Grant: So, I figured out a way to save them and still give the Witch the artifact. Not that Id have been able to do it without Litaganos invaluable expertise. Litagano: If she gets it, it shouldnt effect the time line.

Shell still die. Hero: That makes sense. I wish Id thought of it. Mary: So youll be back June 13th? Grant: Yeah Billy: But Im not going to. Im gonna stay with my parents. And Im not gonna see you guys again. Mary: But we can see you in three years. Billy: ! Hero: And to you, that will just be a month. Billy: ! So that means I hardly have to say goodbye! YAY! Mary: Hah Grandpa: Well kid, before you go Id like to impart my wisdom gathered through the decades. Billy: Yeah? Grandpa: Always cut the cards when someone else is dealing. Billy: Especially when youre dealing. Grandpa: Yes, well Billy: Cause you always hide those cards in your sleeve. Grandpa: Get out of my sight kid. Guy: Huh I was going to give you my sage advice But Grandpa already said it. Well just remember to work on your timing, kid.

Billy: Right.

Grant: Well, Goodbye. Billy: Bye! Litagano: Bye. Hero: See ya! Billy, Grant, and Litagano disappear. Fade to black, white letters in the center: Ahem, these are the closing credits Everything:

ME!!!!!

Special Thanks: Thomas Berry, for quality assurance William, Roberta, and Jonathan Berry, for moral support Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, Scott Joplin, and Johann Pachelbel, for helping to write my soundtrack Shu Takumi and Koki Kinoshita, for artistic advice from afar Pixel (Daisuke Amaya), for inspiration Gunpei Yokoi, and all the other perfectionists who died too young So. Thats the end. Right? You are booted back to the title screen. If you continue the game: Fade to black, white letters in the center: June 1, 938 A.R. Grant, Litagano, and Billy are in an Aztec jungle. Grant: Are you sure the stuff will be here? Litagano: Positive. Go through a dungeon. At the end: Billy: What IS that thing? Acolnahuacatl: I am the demon god Acolnahuacatl. I guard the underworld. And you shall not find what you seek.

Billy: Well, Acqua kwuckle hackquatotle Acolnahuacatl: Acolnahuacatl. Come on, its pronounced just like its spelled. Litagano: You dont look like Acolnahuacatl. Acolnahuacatl: Yeah, well Litagano: If anything, you look more like Coatlicue. Acolnahuacatl: What? Im one hundred percent Acol Litagano: Though, if youre supposed to be Coatlicue, someone needs to learn how to draw. Acolnahuacatl: SHUT UP! You shall pay for this insolence! Battle. At the end: Acolnahuacatl: I am a million percent Ackquacknahuacklecattle Aukcuockna Oh, forget it. Grant: Come on. It should just ahead, right? Litagano: Yes. Ahead: Billy: There they are! Grant: Mmm Cupcakes. Litagano: The Worlds BEST Cupcakes. Billy: Om, nom, nom. Its true. These are the Worlds Best Cupcakes. Litagano: Theyre called the Quantum Doughnuts. Its a pretty funny story, actually.

Grant: Alright, so now we execute the plan. Are you sure it will work? Litagano: So long as we dont lose our heads, it cant fail. Grant: Good. Pass the cupcakes. Fade to black, white letters in the center: June 12, 938 A.R. Woah, Dj vu. Cut to Billys parents in their bedroom. Billys Dad: *sniff* *sniff* Do you smell that? Billys Mom: Yeah Billys Dad: It smells really good. Billys Mom: Yeah. Come on! They run out of the room. Cut to an exterior shot of their house. They run out of the door and into the woods. Litagano sneaks in and, after a few seconds, sneaks back out. The Witch comes, just like last time, but this time stops at the open door. The Witch: Fools. Leaving their home unprotected. She goes in. Inside, she pauses and, just like last time, knocks over a vase. Something shiny appears amidst the broken shards. The Witch: They hid it in a flowerpot? How clich. Cut to a wide shot of the house. She walks out, stops, and turns to look at the house. The Witch: That was easier than I thought.

She leaves. Litagano and Grant come up dragging corpse dummies that look like Billys parents. Grant: Come on, come on, come on They drag them in, run back out, and Grant disappears while Litagano runs toward the center of town. After a few seconds: Billy: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Hero, Guy, Grandpa, Litagano, Grant, and Mary run up and into the house. After a few more seconds: Billy:
DEAD!

After a little while they all come out and bury the corpses in the backyard (very quickly) and leave. Billys parents saunter in from the forest. Billys Dad: That was a really good cupcake. Billys Mom: Yeah. They walk into the house. A few seconds later: Billys Dad: Did you move the, uh you-know-what? Billys Mom: No Billys Dad: Oh, dear Fade to black, white letters in the center: So, now its really over. I hope you liked it. If you didnt, screw you.