A lesson learned A lesson learned I wonder, is it at all possible to learn harsh lessons of our life?

Indeed, in most spheres of human activity we can hope to take our previous mistakes into consideration and avoid them in the future. But concerning human feelings, is it right to blame ourselves if it turns out that we had made a mistake by sincerely investing a part of us into a wrong person who has lead us into the devastating emotional state? And can we avoid such mistakes in the future without becoming desensitized? Confusion over these questions constitutes the kaleidoscope of my memory of Kim, the relationship with whom ended with the shattering argument over one of the most important questions what is the nature of commitment between man and woman? How fitting was her glowing red pullover when she blazed up in response to my question about whether she had spent the Saturday`s night at the Chicago Blues Club and had left with Craig: You better care about your own leisure as mine is definitely much cuter! This phrase was the last one between us as a couple, and, truly, care about your own whatever is probably the epitome of the fundamental problem that any couple face in one way or another. I am even grateful to Kim for such an exact formulation. Despite the great time that we had together, this ending of our relationship was in no need of talk. Earlier, when we had petty quarrels words channeled negative emotions, but this time words suddenly turned into the irreversible verdict. I only could respond in my mind: How funny, here we have two people who cannot in principle understand each other. The realization of this killed in me all desire to engage into mutual accusations, and made me feel fully implicated in this unpleasant situation. Now that time has passed, I of course remember well the emotional turmoil that accompanied me after our break-up. But while being perhaps less naive now, I am no longer too pessimistic. Yes, as I have said before, it is a daunting task to learn all lessons of our life because we tend to forget them. But if we manage to leave a trace of our emotional experiences, then probably we can overcome even arguments without the principal solution. Well, this is exactly what I have tried to do, and while I think that ordering of human emotions may dissolve the essence of human experience, I believe that it is necessary to turn our experiences into words that represent them as close as possible, so that we and others could relive them upon reading.

Space Mountain It was a scorching hot sunny day, when I finally took my kids to the Disney Land. My son Matthew and my daughter Audra endlessly asked me to show them the dream land of many children with Mickey Mouse and Snow-white walking by and arousing a huge portion of emotions. Somehow these fairy tale creatures can make children happy without such small presents as $100 Lego or a Barbys house in 6 rooms and garden furniture. Therefore, I thought that Disney Land was a good invention for loving parents. However, I can ensure anybody that Disney can turn out to be a remarkable place for adults too. Two years have already passed, but I still cannot forget my experience at the roller coaster with a mysterious name Space Mountain. Tired of the smell of sweet popcorn and heroically washing the ice-cream off Audras pink dress, I decided to change the settings. Along with Audra, Mathew pleaded to go to the roller coaster, and, having no other better idea, I finally had to give up. I thought that my wife would be proud of me. Besides, I have never had such an experience before, and thought of having such a ride was quite intriguing. However, when I saw this big Mountain, the first signs of doubt started to appear in my confused conscience. A man at the age of 30, I felt terrified by the thought that we have to ride down. It is inhuman, suicidal experience I would have felt much better if we set down in the caf and ate ice-cream. I thought about my children and looked at Mat. To my surprise, he was too preoccupied with Space Mountain to be worried about life safety. I also took a moment to appreciate the courage of Audra, who light-heartedly followed Mat. Finally, I rejected all doubt and climbed into this killing machine, where well qualified Disney personnel checked the safety belts, encouraged the suicides, I mean all who wanted to increase their adrenaline level, and wished a pleasant ride. At that moment, the only person that looked exited was Matthew. As for Audra, her eyes were full of fear, and once again I could not decide for myself whether I did right or not. The only thing that I new for sure was that my blood turned cold and I could not stop thinking that this entire mechanism could break in a second. So, there was nothing a man could do but close his eyes and quickly leave the place of torture. I heard other people scream and even laugh, but could not make a sound myself. When I opened my eyes, I understood that Audra fully shared my feelings. And unfortunately even more. In several minutes, looking at my poor daughter, I thought that pop corn and ice cream was far not the worst thing. Especially, if kept inside I was somehow no longer proud of myself as I could not get rid of the thought that I did something wrong again.