Advanced Clinical Practice Simmons School of Social Work

A.

The Psychological Development of Shame

How Shame Scenes Become Internalized Our memories store affect scenes, drive scenes and interpersonal- need scenes and these determine development of the self-image and the self of personality. These scenes have 3 aspects: 1. Affect-belief component- cognitive label with a feeling component gets stored in memory- stupid, irresponsible, whore. Although the scene recedes, the feeling remains. AFFECT- we feel it. 2. Image of interaction patterns- interactions get mentally stored as a scene with all people present. A child being told, it was your own fault- you should never have gotten yourself into this, with others looking on and saying nothing, will internalize the image of the blaming parent and others, and respond similarly to himself or herself in later situations. SCENE/ IMAGERY- we see it. 3. Identification images or internalized other - usually based on one or both parents; scene is lost but the shaming voice remains. (the scene is retrievable but the voice is prominent). It is the voice of a particular face who, in addition to speaking, is angry, shocked, disgusted or disappointed. Voice and face of other is adopted and incorporated as me. VOICE/ LANGUAGE- we hear it and it becomes us.

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Stage: III

Character Shame

II

Body Shame

Relationship Shame

Competence Shame

I Shame

Affect-Shame Scenes Affect-Shame

Drive-Shame Scenes Drive-Shame Binds: SexualityShame HungerShame

Interpersonal Need-Shame Scenes Interpersonal Need-Shame Binds: RelationshipShame Touching/Holding -Shame IdentificationShame DifferentiationShame Nurture-Shame AffirmationShame Power-Shame Men Fear Distress Touching/Holding Identification

PurposeScenes PurposeBinds: Variable

Shame Binds: Excitement-Shame Enjoyment-Shame Surprise-Shame Anger-Shame Fear-Shame Distress-Shame Shame-Shame Dissmell-Shame Disgust-Shame

Differential shaming for women and men: Women Anger Power Differentiation

Figure 4.1 Shame profile: stages in psychological magnification

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*Taken from Gershen Kaufman, Ph.D., The Psychology of Shame: Theory and Treatment of Shame-Based Syndromes, Springer Publishing Co., New York, 1989, pp. 100-112.

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Defensive Reactions of Defending Scripts* ways we insulate ourselves fro the full intensity of experience of shame Rage: appears in the form of generalized hostility, bitterness and cynicism, volatile angry eruptions, chronic hatred Contempt: appears as anger and disgust; person distances self from others by elevating self above others. Associate with arrogance, superiority, fault-finding and judgmental attitude Transfer of Blame: person directs anger in accusatory, fault-finding way. When responsibility can be attached to others, one can be freed of being at fault. One remains pure and blameless. (Intensity and chronicity makes it pathological). Internal Withdrawal: helps person reduce exposure and avoid futher shame. Person hides from shame (positive) but reduces opportunity for recreating interpersonal bridge (negative). May develop a public persona that is superficial and without deep feeling. Striving for Perfection: effort to erase every perceived blemish. Person organizes and controls self to excel in every area. Attempt to compensate for feeling of never being good enough Shame scenes are anticipated in everyday life and at every juncture, so extreme efforts are made to avoid this certain fate. Since standards are impossibly high, shame is repeatedly reexperienced in new situations. Striving for Power: appears in form of gaining control over others in interpersonal situations, competing for elevated positions in social groups. Power is means for enhancing self-esteem. When combined with rage or contempt, revenge is likely, i.e., reversal of roles where humiliated one will now humiliate the other. Denial: when other attempts to avoid shame become blocked, denial operates at the level of perceptionexcludes shame from awareness. Identity Scripts: Internalized ways we see ourselves. Scripts actively maintained in the present, undermining even the most positive of new experiences by reinterpreting them in the framework of shame. Self-Blame: precipitant is mishap, mistake or failure. Anger is directed inward in self-accusation. Comparison-making: precipitant is awareness of ways we are different from others. Parents compare siblings, teachers compare students until child begins to compare self with others. Often devaluation of others occurs so child learns language of devaluation to apply to self. Our culture does not value uniqueness this contributes to early messages of comparison. Self-Contempt: differences are translated into deficiencies. Self is rejected. Intense punitive quality coupled with permanent repudiation of self. Self is divided with

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one side persecuting and abusing the other. Scenes are relived resulting in enduring self-hatred, pervasive inferiority. *Taken from Gershen Kaufman, Ph.D., The Psychology of Shame: Theory and Treatment of Shame-Based Syndromes, Springer Publishing Co., New York, 1989, pp. 100-112. (Notes prepared by A. Amodeo, 1999)

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