May 26, 2009

The Voice of the Denver Waldorf High School Volume 1, Issue 6

Illustration by Meril Shane

Chronicles Of Waldorfia
Contents ‘Smart Charging’ for Electric Cars
Smart Charging 1 By Mac Connolly
Love Metaphors 1 A common question when smart charging equipment, Charging technology, utilities
From Afar 2 producing today's electric cars allows users to schedule would need to build more
is how and when to charge when the charger charges the power plants to meet the spike
Dumpster Bible 2
them. Will today’s old and car battery. For example, a in demand for electric vehi-
BBB 3 creaky power grid be able to user could schedule the cles. GM is preparing smart-
Yes! 3 handle charging millions of charger to charge the car’s charging technology, to be
power-hungry car batteries? battery at off peak hours like part of the Chevy Volt electric
Internets? 3 The Pacific Northwest 2AM. car due in showrooms in 2010.
“As Time Goes By” 4 laboratory (PNNL) said on It also has wireless inter- A huge amount of electric
Quantum Physics 4 Thursday that it has devel- net capabilities so it can de- cars are scheduled to come out
oped a smart charger control- termine the best time to in 2011, which should deliver
Broncos Blunders 5 ler designed specifically for charge the battery! "Using a jump in fuel efficiency. But
Twelve Virtues 5 charging cars at off peak times smart charging a user could if millions of drivers charged
to get the lowest price and save $150 a year," said a their electric cars during peak
Cow Jokes 5
ease the strain on the power PNNL engineer Michel Kent- time utilities could strain to
Gladys and Gregg 6 grid. ner-Meyer. meet the demand.
Thank You Seniors 6 T h e P N N L 's S mart Researchers have pro- Will this be the solution?
Charger Controller, like other jected that without Smart
Sidewalk Closed 7
Report from Abroad 8
Oddness Everywhere 8 Love Metaphors
Swine Flu 9 By Emma Franklin
Importance of Music 9 People often compare ing my dogs and contemplat- one hundred percent there
love to fire. I believe the ex- ing this, I decided that love is and, if it isn't, we're screwed.
Cow Summer 9 pression is something along not only like fire, but also like We can go for a short period
Urban Farm 10 the lines of “love is like fire air, earth and water, as well as of time without air but it is
but the fire to be desired is not all the elements as a whole. never comfortable and can
Slaughterhouse 5K 10 the passionate yet brief flare The way that I would compare rarely be prolonged. Also, air
Horoscopes 11 of a candle being lit, but in- a relationship to the concept of can span an infinite space; it
stead the warm and steady the elements is thus so: many is the essential never ending.
Comic and Puzzle 11
glow of a hearth fire on a cold faceted, made up of opposites, Air also fills our voids. Just
Puzzles, Comics 12 night.” I would go so far as to combustible, stable, breezy, as breath rushes in to fill our
say that both are desirable. A fluid, beautiful, natural, and all lungs and a breeze blows
Contact the C.O.W. couple should have the won- consuming, meaning there is through a canyon to fill the
derful passion of the flare of no escape from the inevitable space, love rushes in, some-
Denver Waldorf School fireworks but also the warm and controlling forces of times unexpectedly,to fill the
940 Fillmore Street and steady glow to keep going mother nature. On to the indi- caverns of our heart.
Denver CO 80206 through the cold winter. vidual elements: Earth: steady, solid,
This makes me think, Air: Air is always present. comforting. Earth is prone to
303-777-0531 x162 however, what about the other Through thick and thin, long periods of sitting ex-
dwhsnews@gmail.com elements? When I was walk- through good and bad, air is (Continued on page 2)
 Chronicles of Waldorfia
Page 2
From Afar
By Foreign Correspondents
A report from Mr. Johnson’s desk
On my recent trip to the ex-
otic land of Mr. Johnson’s desk I
made several interesting observa-
tions. The tremendous stacks of
paper that increase with every
class play continue to ascend. I
am beginning to think they are
taking on a life of their own. And,
as of yet, the “organization” of
these heaps remains a mystery.
That week-old ham sandwich
under the latest edition of Romeo
and Juliet has attracted a mouse,
who by now has read Shake-
speare’s complete works numer-
ous times. He has sent frequent
messages via students’ math
homework asking for more food,
but all his writing has been misin-
terpreted as instructions about said
math. Is anyone else having prob-
lems figuring out their math
homework recently?
Prison log from Combinatoria
Week four: I’m still here in
Combinatoria. Every passing day
brings more dread about the test to
come. As I am currently up to my
eyeballs in combinations or per-
mutations, or whatever they’re
called, I cannot write anything
lengthy. Hopefully they’ll let me
go soon so I can do something
aside from permute numbers or
roll dice. At least my Combinato-
rian captors left me with a dia-
gram of Pascal’s triangle, a mon-
key, and a deck of cards. In the
beginning the monkey was beat-
ing me hands down in poker, but
as of the beginning of this week I
have calculated a plot for his de-
mise. After I won the first time,
the monkey gave a resounding
screech of “NO!” I’m hoping to
compile a portfolio of various
works to impress my captors so I
can escape.
Volume 1, Issue 6
Love
(Continued from page 1) love is comparable to the cycle of water.
actly still. Nonetheless, it is actually Occasionally love is tempestuous, while
constantly moving and changing. at other times it falls softly as snow or
Though infinitesimal in its movements rains steadily and reassuringly like a good
- slower than watching grass grow - summer squall. Once the “water-love”
earth, like a good relationship, is reas- has reconnected with the earth, it once
suring in its solid- again can take on
ity and presence, “[I]nfinitesimal in its movements - different aspects.
but accommodat- slower than watching grass grow - Water may have the
ing in its eventual earth, like a good relationship, is reas- content flow of a
shifts. Mean- suring in its solidity and presence. . .” brook, or the dis-
while, earth can combobulated mut-
sometimes change inexplicably in an terings of the rapids, or even the placid,
abrupt and shocking movement that is happy depths of a lake. And lastly, in the
not necessarily good but not necessar- stage of evaporation, love is not always
ily bad. And, regardless of the change, obviously present but it is so much a pro-
earth remains earth. found part of our beings and such a grand
Water (my personal favorite, not part of a relationship.
of the elements but of the metaphors):
A Dumpster Diver’s Bible
By John Reinhart
Many people love digging through Diver is Wearing,” and “Diving Tech-
someone else’s garage sale goodies, or niques Illustrated.” Hoffman explains that
finding thrift store deals, or discovering he began dumpster diving when he was a
a chance treasure on the sidewalk. In this child. Diving equaled what family experts
culture of treasure seeker today call “quality family
there is yet another group: time.” Not only did his fam-
dumpster divers. ily bond over tossed treas-
The Art and Science of ures, – “we had birthday par-
Dumpster Diving by John ties that were the envy of the
Hoffman is a glance behind whole neighborhood” – they
the curtain into this adven- found enough food to trade it
turous culture. The book is with neighbors for other ne-
informative, lighthearted, cessities.
and illustrated throughout, Hoffman’s writing does not
including original comics by make great literature, but
Ace Backwards. The Art what he lacks in prose he
and Science of Dumpster recoups in practical advice,
Diving is part manual, part anecdotes, and attitude.
Hoffman’s cover, by Ace
cultural critique, part autobi- Backwards, speaks volumes. While many divers share
ography, and part adventure their goods, Hoffman is un-
story. In short, if there were a course on questionably out for himself. This makes
dumpster diving, this book would be the book sound a bit like urban Survivor.
required introductory reading. Hoffman wants to capitalize on his diving
The table of contents reveals chap- in any way possible – which is also why
ters on “A Realistic Path to Self- he wrote this book.
Sufficiency,” “What the Well-Dressed (Continued on page 3)
Chronicles of Waldorfia Volume 1, Issue 6
Page 3

The Bovine Bounty of Brilliance Internets?

By Emma Franklin
Dear Cow,
I noticed that in your fifth issue the
issue number is incorrect on all but the
first page. Thank you.
Pig
“Four legs good,
Two legs bad.”
Dear Peremptory Pig,
Thank you for pointing that out.
Upon receiving this memo we briefly
considered recalling the offending
newspaper and reprinting and redistrib-
uting the entire edition. Needless to
say, we discarded that idea as sheer
madness. But we will, in the future, try
to be more diligent in our numbering.
BBB
Dear B. B. of B.
I have the most difficult time stay-
ing focused in Mr. Reinhart’s classes. I
mean, his shirts and ties are so atro-
ciously bright and they never seem to
match! What can I do?
Sincerely,
Dazzled, Deranged, Disconcerted and
Dizzy
Dear Deranged,
I know exactly what you mean; I
oftentimes have difficulties staying
focused on the human sounds issuing
from his mouth when there are such
astonishingly resplendent colors on
hand. Living in a field, as I do, I hardly
ever get to see such amazingly artifi-
(Continued from page 2) the uninitiated. Whether you
Dumpster diving is defi- read this as a guide for future
nitely not for the weak willed excursions, a sociological
or the
weak Dumpster diving is definitely for pure
cial, unnatural and neon colors. The only
thing I can recommend is acquiring a
burlap sack and casually draping it over
his shirt when he’s not paying attention.
The brown hue of the sack will quickly
leave you disinterested and able to focus
on his lessons.
Good luck!
BBB
Dear Bovine Bounty of Brilliance,
Recently I’ve found myself con-
fronted with nearly impossible math
homework sheets. My brain is about to
explode! Nothing makes sense any-
more… I see my life flashing before my
eyes! Help me get through this difficult
time.
Mentally Melted Mathematician
Dear Mentally Melted,
I can certainly sympathize with your
situation; out here in my field I rarely
have to worry about anything mathier Seriously? Whats goin on with the
than how many advice letters I’ve re- internet...
ceived. So when encountering difficult
math problems, try distraction tech-
niques. Calmly ask Mrs. Heberton if it is
possible to divide by zero. When the
shrieks have subsided, pronounce with a
straight face that you heard it was achiev-
able. Then sit back and relax while Mrs.
Heberton madly attempts to persuade you
otherwise.
BBB
What do cow shamans
practice?
Moo-doo.
study, or
By Phil Carter
Dear Bovine Bounty of Brilliance:
The internet in the school, is al-
ways going down.
Times like this I need it, it makes
me want to frown.
Try again, try again, says the but-
ton on the Firefox,
To no avail, again, again! It makes
me want to tear my locks.
Oh internet, what shall we do,
Without thy wise and worldly
view?
Shall we go outside and take a
look?
Or maybe read a science book?
Do homework or another chore?
No, things like that are such a bore.
Oh internet, oh internet, we shall
just sit and wait,
Try again, try again, until the prob-
lem does abate.
What do you call a funny cow?
A cown.
Yes!
By Connor Gallagher
Chicken pancakes, hot.
One foreign word spoken softly.
A priceless painting.
Broken musical instruments.
A fleeting dreamscape.
Bart Simpson © Matt Groening

stom- enjoy-
ached.
not for the weak willed. ment,
Hoffman’s book is rife with The Art and Science of
Write for the C.O.W., man!
tales of stale foods, close en- Dumpster Diving offers a
counters with the police, and little something for everyone DWHSNews@gmail.com
strained conversations with – a bit like a dumpster.
 Chronicles of Waldorfia Volume 1, Issue 6
Page 4

Quantum Physics “As Time Goes By”

By Gautam Webb By Emma Reinhart
Quantum mechanics, like relativity, quanta, of mass and energy are both Can two people still be in love even
is a theory that irrevocably altered our waves and particles simultaneously. if they haven't seen each other in years,
view of the universe when it was intro- This quality is called particle-wave maybe decades?
duced in the nineteenth century. But duality. This duality leads to some That is the question posed in the TV
while relativity sometimes seems in- interesting conclusions, including the show “As Time Goes By,” the British
comprehensible, quantum mechanics is effects of an observer on a system. TV show which ran from 1992 to 2005.
far more difficult to grasp. The world Quantum physicists have found that Jean Pargetter played by Judy Dench, a
of quantum physics gives many observation alone can alter a system widower who runs a secretary agency,
counter-intuitive results. Richard so that different results are obtained. and Lionel Hardcastle played by Geof-
Feynman, a famous quantum physicist, The Heisenberg uncertainty prin- frey Palmer who'd had a coffee planta-
once wrote, “I think I can safely say ciple says that one cannot know both a tion in Kenya, found love during the
that nobody under- particle’s velocity and Korean War, but when Lionel was sent
stands quantum me- “. . . Nobody knows position with cer- off to serve they soon lost touch. Now,
chanics.” how it can be like tainty. If either char- 38 years later they meet again by chance
Quantum mechan- acteristic is known to and realize that though they have aged,
ics concerns the very that.” a high degree of accu- they are still much the same and are still
tiny. The main conclu- racy, the other can be in love with each other.
sions of quantum theory are the quanti- known only to an inversely propor- T h e
zation of energy, the particle-wave na- tionally low degree of precision. This story deals
ture of mass and energy, the uncer- principle can also be applied to other with several
tainty principle, and the existence of pairs of properties. characters
quantum tunneling, entanglement and Quantum entanglement is the re- besides Jean
and Lionel:
superposition. I will not attempt to sult that two particles can become in-
J e a n ' s
explain all these phenomena. How- extricably linked in such a way that
daught er,
ever, a few are fairly easily understand- one cannot be fully described without
Judith, has (left to right) Sandy, Jean,
able on a very basic level. the other. For example, if two parti-
been mar- Lionel, Alistair, Judy
The quantization of energy was cles are entangled and one is meas-
ried twice,
first concluded to be real by Max ured to have a certain property, the
and can be quite like her mother in tem-
Planck. He was a thermodynamicist. other would have the opposite prop-
per. Alistair Deacon is Lionel's ener-
In particular, he studied black body erty. Entanglement contributes to getic publishing agent for Lionel's book,
radiation. In his attempt to solve a di- some very odd results, including “My Life in Kenya” though all admit
lemma of the time, which was that, ac- quantum teleportation and computa- Lionel's book is a dull read, Alistair is
cording to theory, the energy in an tion. determined to make it a “smashing suc-
oven should be infinite, Planck found Once again in the words of Rich- cess.” Sandy is one of Jean's best secre-
that he needed to introduce the concept ard Feynman, “Do not keep saying to taries, and eventually a housemate.
of discrete amounts of energy, called yourself, if you can possibly avoid it, “As Time Goes By” is a witty and
quanta. A quantum cannot be divided ‘But how can it be like that?’ because bright British comedy with gentle hu-
into smaller measurements. Quanta you will get ‘down the drain,’ into a mor, as Jean and Lionel find their lives
provide part of the basis for modern blind alley from which nobody has yet together through many humorous times,
quantum physics. escaped. Nobody knows how it can good and bad; Lionel often badgers
The fundamental packets, or be like that.” Jean on how the dishwasher should be
stacked, Jean often frets, and when put
on the spot can come up with what be-
Have a question about something? come elaborate, amusing lies that get
out of hand.
Write to the Bovine Bounty of Bril- All through this there is a definite,
though sometimes slightly exaggerated
liance, the C.O.W.’s advice column! reality, drama, comedy, and light-
heartedness.
Chronicles of Waldorfia Volume 1, Issue 6
Page 5

Broncos’ Blunders Cow Jokes

By Hunter Curtis By John Reinhart

In the first of many mistakes this
off-season, the Denver Broncos fired
longtime coach Mike Shanahan. The
next was hiring new coach Josh
McDaniels. McDaniels, who was the
longtime offensive coordinator for
the powerhouse New England Patri-
ots, looked like a good choice to con-
tinue to help the very strong Broncos
offense.
McDaniels came in right away
and made a big impact by acquiring
free agents. Big names like LaMont
Jordan and Jabar Gaffney soon
signed with the Broncos. Then ru-
mors came out that McDaniels was
trying to acquire Matt Cassel, a Patri-
ots quarterback who came in for Tom
Brady and had a breakout season.
This was apparently a three-team
trade that included franchise quarter-
back Jay Cutler.
That’s when things turned sour
for McDaniels. A series of events led
to the trade of Cutler to the Chicago Where do cows go on their night off?
Bears. Then came the draft where The moo-vies
McDaniels did not address the Bron-
cos’ need for defense. He took a run- Where do cow explorers dream of go-
ning back as the Broncos’ first pick ing?
and only got one player to help the The moo-n.
Broncos’ depleted defensive line.
To Broncos fans it seems that What do you call a cow after an earth-
McDaniels is running the Broncos quake?
straight into the ground. People are A milkshake.
now picking the Broncos to be one of
the worst teams in the league. Maybe What is a cow’s favorite color?
Moo-roon.
McDaniels did not
Where do cows get the grapes they use
address the Broncos’ for wine?
need for defense From bo-vines.
What do you call a racing cow?
McDaniels has a plan though. Fans Veal fast.
will have to wait until the season to
find out. What do you call a racing cow with
three legs?
Veal slow.

The Twelve Virtues What do you call a cow social worker?

Hamburger helper.
By Emma Franklin
The Twelve Virtues of Knighthood VII. The Ability to be Ashamed In which famous battle of the Texas
I. Pure Discipline VIII. Consistency Revolution did many cows die?
II. Modesty IX. Patience The Battle of the Alamoo.
III. Gentleness X. Piousness
IV. Faithfulness XI. Humbleness What kind of moo-sic band play at the
V. Balance in all Things XII. True Love cow dance?
VI. Attention to all Things Rhythm and moos.

Which cow led the great Indian nation to

independence?
Moo-hatma Gandhi.

The Twelve Virtuous 11th Graders VII. Dylan What did the newspaper report call two
I. Gautam VIII. Meril reckless cows who tried to rob a bank
II. Ana IX. Laney but forgot their disguises?
III. Chloe X. Nathan Moo-rons.
IV. Teddy XI. Alexis
V. Max XII. Phil What do you call a blushing cow?
VI. Sam Strawberry milk.
 Chronicles of Waldorfia Volume 1, Issue 6
Page 6

Gladys and Gregg Get Grumpy

Gossip Group here, your one and
only (reliable) source into the scandal-
ous lives of Waldorf’s elite.
So we left you, dear readers, in
suspense, awaiting the fate of our be-
loved two gossiping goons. We are
pleased to inform you all that Gladys
and Gregg will, in fact, LIVE! They
are presently dining on hospital jell-o,
reading the latest scandal on the show
Jon and Kate Plus Eight.
Gladys: Apparently Jon has a
case of wandering… I just don’t feel
good about this. I used to love that
show!
Gregg: (with tears streaming
into the jell-o) My faith in humanity
has been diminished!
Gladys: Sweetheart! That jell-o
is already flavored lime! I don’t think
he’s really as … as they say. I mean what
about that WOMAN! Kate is the devil! I
don’t like her tone, always complaining
about something or other. Plus, could she
have a more disproportional front tooth?
And that hair!!
Gregg: (too distraught to actually
listen to his wife, is going off in a rage,
banging his fist on the TV tray, knocking
the jell-o onto the floor) All I know is that
they were the cutest family I’ve seen since
The Brady Bunch, and now it’s all RU-
INED!
Gladys: (also not paying attention to
her spouse) I’m so outraged!!! I just want
to punch something…
Gregg:
OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
WWWW!
Gladys: You shut up, you nincom-
poop! I only know of one thing that will
make me feel better!
Gregg: A full body massage and fa-
cial? Mani/Pedi??
Gladys: NO! The only thing that
would make me feel the smallest bit of
hope and joy would be the immediate re-
lease of the junior class at the Denver
Waldorf School! If they are freed from
that pit of despair, I will once again be
happy.
Gregg: (sniffling) I will help organ-
ize a Junior Ditch Day if our cry goes un-
answered. Those sweet, innocent children
must be saved!
Gladys: SAVE THE CHILDREN,
SAVE THE WORLD!

Thank You to the Amazing Eight

By Leigh Rhysling
I had the honor of attending dent discovering something new about work with animal training; feeling em-
this year’s Senior Project presen- themselves, and being opened to a powered and a little intimidated by
tations last Saturday, May 2. Hav- future of new possibilities. Through Michaela Luna’s fierce martial arts
ing had the opportunity to speak music, art, math, marketing, animal training; seeing the confidence and
with the Senior class many times training, ballroom dancing, martial beauty of Tyler Cunnigham’s ballroom
arts, and farming, we all witnessed the dancing; sharing Max Badham’s tri-
throughout the year during Visitor
courage, passion, umph in his personal journey through
Mornings, I
pain, beauty, wis- his powerful artwork; being moved by
was prepared to What I did not expect was to be dom, and inspiration Solomon St. John’s compositions for the
be impressed moved to tears, to belly laugh, that lives so deeply piano and the expressive way he plays;
and inspired by and to be completely awed. in each of these stu- and laughing until we cried over Nick
all of their hard dents, as well as Anthony’s farmyard stories and cele-
work and enthusiasm for their within ourselves. brating his discovery of the infinite pos-
projects. What I did not expect Throughout the evening, my son sibilities that live out beyond the hori-
was to be moved to tears, to belly Liam, 6th Grade, and I would ex- zon – my inner farm girl was applauding
laugh, and to be completely awed change looks – the whole time!
by this amazing class of unique, whether it was over We all witnessed the cour- Many thanks to Eliza-
yet deeply connected individuals. having our minds age, passion, pain, beauty, beth Luna and Kate
I did not expect to leave the Sen- boggled by Connor Johnson, High School
wisdom, and inspiration
ior Projects as a different human Gallagher’s presen- that lives so deeply in each Coordinators, for their
tation on Pascal’s hard work in organizing
being, but this was indeed what
Theorem 5; de- this event. To every one
happened for me, and I imagine lighting in Minji Kim’s thoughtful and of the Seniors – Max, Tyler, Nick,
what happened for everyone else inspired marketing presentation Michaela, Connor, Mirjam, Soloman,
in the room. (“Click”); learning how we can work and Minji – I say thank you. You hum-
The stories the students shared better with our own crazy dog through ble me, you inspire me, and you have
were about transformation, each stu- Mirjam Neyrinck’s compassionate changed me.
Chronicles of Waldorfia Volume 1, Issue 6
Page 7

Sidewalk Closed: Senior Prank Madness

By Phil Carter

Impressive, really, the hall- added later on that he wished that they is nowhere to be found.
way wasn’t even penetrable. Al- would leave his desk in place in the fu- Creativity is always growing, and
most every square inch of the ture. “It’s just so heavy!” he said, seniors worldwide are coming up with
floor space was so covered in “Every thing else is fine, but just not the more and more ideas to baffle their
traffic cones and music stands, desk.” schoolmates and teachers on this infa-
that it was nearly impossible to High Schools all over the United mous day. Speaking of creativity, how-
make ones way through. As if States have senior prank day. Pranks ever, McHenry needs some help. “I
that weren’t enough, the spaces range from simple chalk in the chalk thought the desks on the roof was very
that would have been big enough erasers and Vaseline on door handles, to creative he said, but I am still looking for
to move through, were rigged balloons and popcorn waist high in the some volunteers to help me get them
with string and toilet paper. hallways, all the way to taking two pigs, back down.” Maybe Mr. McHenry could
But this is where this and on one writing the number “one” offer a free A+ pass to anyone who offers
senior prank/ditch day really and on the other writing “three.” Thus to take down a few desks?
stands out from the rest. Each of the day is spent looking for the assumed
the strings led to a prize for each pig number “two,” but of course, “two”
class, but quick! Get to
them before the Reinhart
Rampage clears his path!
Then down towards the
end of the hallway, was a
big dartboard of balloons.
This section was dedicated
to the juniors. Each of the
balloons had a picture of
one of the juniors, and
inside the balloons, was a
personal nickname given
to them by the seniors.
Did they stop there?
No. On top of the roof of
Mr. Baker’s woodwork
studio, there was almost a
full classrooms’ worth of
desks and chairs set up in
a very orderly fashion. In
the hallway, Mr.
McHenry’s office was
taken apart, piece-by-
piece, and wrapped in
cling wrap before being
dragged out into the hall- Mirjam, Connor, Minji, Solomon, Nick, Tyler, Max, and Michaela, the DWHS’s class of 2009, bid a
way to mingle with the fond farewell to the high school hallway Monday, May 18. The south end of the hall was littered with
large orange traffic cones. traffic cones, Mr. Reinhart’s classroom was relocated to the roof of the woodwork room, Dr. Heberton’s
“At least it gives me a room took on a tropical theme, complete with wading pool and beach ball, Mrs. Jaehnig appeared in
chance to clean my office white statue form, wielding a sword, Mr. McHenry’s office was moved to the hall, and the entire hall-
while it’s all out of the way was webbed with toilet paper and yarn. Yes, yes, the senior class will be missed. Before being
way!” said McHenry opti- loosed to the world, the class must yet pass the Australian trip with Mrs. Jaehnig and Mr. McHenry
mistically, though he gauntlet. Graduation is on June 10, at the Colfax Events Center (1477 Columbine St) from 7-10pm.
 Chronicles of Waldorfia
Page 8
From Abroad
By Nick Anthony
Hello, Jim Stentix here. First off,
let me say that Mrs. Penchicha's rose-
bush is on fire again! Hahaha... no?
Oh well. Maybe that's before your
time.
Well, what can I say? Timbuktu
is progressing much as one would
expect from a country in the continent
that we're part of. The weather has
been fairly standard for this time of
year and last harvest of Timbuktu's
prize export was predictably average.
I suppose there's not much else to
report as far as the general state of
affairs is concerned.
Hmm.
Oh! Big news on the sports front.
The Winging Whiners won the na-
tional little league Futbol competi-
tion, setting their place in history as
the country's shortest team ever. Also,
the Johnsonville Cheapskates won the
national youth Football competition
in overtime by a meager sixty-seven
points. While their victory is still be-
ing disputed (illegal drug use has
been implied), this does mean that
next week in the Sea-Level Center,
the two teams will compete in the
annual Cocky and Hurling competi-
tions. We'll just have to see what hap-
pens on that front.
War? What war? There's a war?
Oh. Riiiiight. That war. Experts here
say that the war is having a similar
effect on the economy as one would
expect from our proximity to the vio-
lence. However, I can speak on behalf
of the Timbuktu government when I
say this: We neither condone nor con-
demn the actions taken by the United
States in this matter. However, I
would like to take this opportunity to
refute the criticisms of foreign politi-
cians about the neutral stance that this
country has taken: The decision was
entirely political, not moral. It's the
logical decision when you consider
this country's location.
Anyway, that's all I can think of
that's going on over here. I hope
things are going well for all of our
immediate neighbors. Stentix
out.
Volume 1, Issue 6
Oddness Occurs Everywhere
By Taylor Cornelius and John Reinhart
From the Attic kneading and stirring and calm once more
The exorcist. Really? Does descends. Still, the treat of a breakaway
that have to be the first thing that nation the boys call First Grade seems
comes to mind when mentioning the increasingly possible. Perhaps a two state
attic? But, sadly for most, it most cer- solution where all can live autonomously
tainly is (either that or back spasms and live in cooperative harmony is for the
and pulley ropes). best.
Climbing up Climbing up the ladder to the Worried Citizen,
the ladder to the trapdoor in the ceiling there is a Kindergarten
trapdoor in the cold draft that penetrates your
ceiling there is a Mr. Quinn’s ball
cold draft that
bones. box is increasingly
penetrates your bones. When you turn smelly these days. This reporter was
your head and look into the darkness nearly asphyxiated when he opened the
all is lost. Only the slats of the boards lid. The odor of squishy foam combined
are faintly glowing. And then there’s with sweaty residue forms a toxin not
the danger of a spider dropping on unlike World War I nerve gas. Anony-
your head as you walk in the darkness. mous reports suggested the smells origi-
Nothing nated from rotting
really happens Mr. Quinn’s ball box is increas- food left over from
in the attic. ingly smelly these days. This re- Mr. Quinn’s lunch.
Maybe some of Though there was no
Roy’s long for- porter was nearly asphyxiated evidence of moldy
gotten cleaning when he opened the lid. parsnips, three toenail
tools or Mr. clippings, a block
Reinhart’s thumbscrews and calligra- beeswax crayon, and an old issue of the
phy pens hide there. But, all in all, Lunchbox Express were found.
everything is silently waiting to be of - Gym Class Junkie
use or remembered. But still the fear
of the exorcist has been firmly planted High School Science Room
in your head. Mr. Matuszewicz has The high school science room,
long ago instilled fear in the hearts of though not technically a foreign location,
his students by mentioning certain merits an update. Eerie bones began ap-
dark shadows in the attic. So next time pearing in the science room a few weeks
you visit, try not to think of ex any- ago. Though some of the skulls were re-
things, particularly orcisms. (Taylor portedly from students who lost their
Cornelius) heads during main lesson book week, Ms.
Luna confirmed that all students and their
Dear C.O.W., heads are accounted for.
Life in Kindergarten is currently Peculiar hieroglyphs appeared with
tumultuous. Six-year-old boys daily the bones: N+CO2, echinoderms, bilat-
threaten the ruling junta, Teachers. eral, nephron, CaCO3, and spicules. Per-
Just six months ago those same gangs haps strange rituals take place there after
of boys were content to accept their hours. Local residents suspect the fish are
lot at the top of the social heap, hap- to blame. The blue fish in particular often
pily playing tag and pushing each wears a knowing smirk, but has refused
other. Now the average citizen yearns comment.
for bread day, when the boys are busy
Chronicles of Waldorfia Volume 1, Issue 6
Page 9

Swine Flu: When Pigs Fly A Cow Summer

By Teddy Oja By John Reinhart
All of us have heard of Swine Flue. It diarrhea. There you have it! Everything The C.O.W. has been a wonder-
has been splashed across newspaper that you need to have a truly horrible day ful presence in the high school this
headlines in bold print for weeks, but spent groaning in bed. Still, why all of spring. Shortly after the Rocky
why? the fuss? It goes away after about a week, Mountain News closed, the 11th
Swine Flu has become a and there has only been one death Grade enthusiastically grabbed the
deadly epidemic in Mexico, one that chalked up to it in the United States. The baton, and have been running ever
has claimed hundreds of lives. The main worry of health officials is that the since.
Center for virus will mutate From humble beginnings in a
Disease Con- Swine Flu has become a and become much journalism track class, the C.O.W.
trol fears the worse. Their pre- turned into a student-run newspa-
same situation deadly epidemic in Mexico,
sent goal is to kill per. A determined staff represent-
off as much of it as ing three of the high school’s four
will occur one that has claimed hun- possible, mainly
here. This is grades worked together during
by quarantining
why the CDC dreds of lives. the infected. The
lunch times and after school to or-
ganize and lay out the C.O.W. It
has raised the only precautions was exciting to see contributions
pandemic alert from four to five. To that we, the people, have been given is to come in from other students too.
give you an idea of what this signi- have at least two weeks of food stored in The C.O.W. now has an elec-
fies, if the pandemic alert reaches our houses, and to wash our hands more tronic home at the DWS webpage:
six, all schools and non-essential often. http://www.denverwaldorf.org/
businesses will be shut down and In short, those of us in the U.S. do index.php/News/The-C.O.W.html.
we will be asked to remain indoors not have to worry too much about Swine You can read the latest C.O.W. and
as much as possible. So there is a Flu becoming everything the media all the back issues there.
silver lining to this sickly cloud, but (COW notwithstanding) has built it up to The C.O.W. now also grazes at
be. With the best medical personnel in Facebook, the popular social net-
what exactly is Swine Flu?
the world, we are very well prepared to working site.
Swine Flu is a cocktail of a few
handle this disease. We of the Waldorf Where will the C.O.W. go next?
different kinds of flu, including the
School just have to change our class trip Naturally, the C.O.W. will vacation
well-known Avian Flu. The symptoms
plans to avoid Mexico. I know that it will this summer, but there are plans
include vomiting, rash, fever, muscle
be a sacrifice on our part, but it’s for the ahoof to bring it back next year.
aches, coughing, and in some cases
good of us all. The rest depends on you.
I’d like to take a moment to
thank the 11th Grade for their en-
Music is Integral to Humanity thusiasm as journalism lab rats,
By Niko Pappas Emma Franklin for overseeing the
last two issues, Gautam Webb,
Music has been a part human- iPod, or flip on the radio, listen Teddy Oja, Emma Reinhart, Max
ity since the dawn of our existence. very carefully and you will hear the Fleischer, Phil Carter, Nathan Palo,
It can express every many voices and emotions of mu- and Nick Anthony for their excel-
emotion, and yet sic calling out lent work as C.O.W. staff, and of
it can be as indi- “Music could cure racism to you in words course all our contributors.
vidual as a finger
print. Bob Mar- and hate.” ~ Bob Marley of love and
passion, or in
Remember, the C.O.W. may
slumber until September, but you
ley is quoted as words of anger can still send submissions to
saying that he “believes music and hate, and all the other voices of dwhsnews@gmail.com any time.
could cure racism and hate.” Music music struggling to be notes Have a great summer. See you
may also be used to express anger but most importantly, struggling to next fall.
and violence. be heard.
Next time you turn on your
Chronicles of Waldorfia
Urban Farm Bucks Stereotypes
By Nick Anthony
Imagine a farm—an aging farmer
sitting on a tractor in the middle of a
corn field, his straw hat low over his
face to protect his eyes from the rays
of an afternoon sun, his worn denim
overalls muddy and patched. Perhaps
he gazes out across a field to a red-
brick farmhouse, where his equally
elderly wife has just finished whipping
up a dozen or so biscuits, which she
lovingly places on a plate to cool. In a
quarter of an hour or so, the dog who
is currently curled up on the doormat
will find a couple biscuits when no
one's looking. No matter what you just
imagined, the Urban Farm of Denver
is not that.
You wouldn't expect a farm to be
hidden away in the corner of industrial
Denver, but it's there, just off I-70 on
Smith road. It doesn't look like much
when you first see it—a squat, gray
building gracing a property comprised
mostly of dirt. It's only when you enter
the premises that the true charm of the
Urban Farm strikes you.
“My partner and I started the farm
about seventeen years ago,” said
Donna Garnett, farm manager. “Our
goal was to get inner-city kids in-
volved in farm life... we started out
with a couple of horses and 15 kids.
But now look at us.”
From its humble origins, the Ur-
ban Farm has grown magnificently. In
addition to more than a score of
First Annual Slaughterhouse 5K
Reuters
A cow escaped death when it
fled a New York City slaughter-
house Wednesday [May 6], running
through the streets before being cor-
ralled by mounted police.
The escape appears to have
earned the cow a free pass – it will
be turned over to an animal care
Volume 1, Issue 6
horses, a casual visitor can find cows,
pigs, chickens, goats, miniature horses,
donkeys, mules, turkeys, rabbits,
sheep, a lama and an alpaca, among
other animals living around the farm.
Within the somewhat run-down fence
that surrounds the property there exists
a world unlike any other in the city.
Over the years, the Urban Farm
has become one of the largest and
most successful horse riding schools
for people of all ages in Colorado. It is
also a major partner of 4-H (a national
youth education program) and the Na-
tional Western Stock Show. The farm
is a veritable gold mine of informa-
tion. If you dig around a little; many of
the workers at the farm are profes-
sional biologists or trained veterinari-
ans. Moreover, most days are open to
visitors, so the farm offers an excellent
alternative to the Denver Zoo when it
comes to “family time.”
Unfortunately, the Urban Farm
isn't easy to maintain. In recent years,
non-profit organizations have been hit
hard by government budget adjust-
ments. “When we first started the
farm,” said Donna, “the classes were
all free, because we were entirely
funded by grants. But now grants only
cover about a third of what it costs.
The rest comes from donations and
class tuition.”
Indeed, it's not uncommon for the
farm staff to forgo their paychecks to
agency rather than sent back to the
slaughterhouse in the New York City
borough of Queens, police said.
Editor’s Note:
Brigitte Williams-James of the
New York Post furnished this reaction.
“I was chilling in the yard when a
Page 10
help buy food for the animals. “It's not
an ideal situation, but it has to be
done; the animals always come first.”
Donna herself spends most of every
day running and managing the farm,
dealing with sick animals, juggling the
finances, and keeping the farm's vol-
unteers organized. When asked what
keeps her going throughout it all,
Donna said, “As you get older, you
start getting more interested in what
your legacy will be, you know, what
you'll leave behind. I just see this as
my way of helping people.” Added
Donna, “And, on the selfish side of
things, I really love animals and the
farm is a great opportunity to work
with them.”
No matter what your backgrounds,
interests or work schedules are, the
Urban Farm of Denver holds a nigh-
limitless supply of enjoyment and ful-
fillment. Whether you have a free
weekend or a couple hours left open
for a rainy day, you won’t regret
spending them at the farm. And even
though the farm has fallen on hard
economic times, that’s no reason for
you to avoid it. According to Donna,
“The biggest way people can help the
farm right now is to enroll in classes.
Of course, donations are welcome,
too.” So go ahead. Learn to ride, care
for goats or shear sheep. And, in so
doing, help keep the dream of the Ur-
ban Farm alive.
cow came out of nowhere,” said Adam
Kahn, 20, who lives in the home where
the fugitive black heifer was finally
cornered.
“I just said, 'Wow! a cow in South
Jamaica.' I've seen raccoons and stuff,
but never a cow. That was crazy.”
Chronicles of Waldorfia Volume 1, Issue 6
Page 11

Starry-Eyed Predictions for the Summer

By Laney Harden and John Reinhart
Aires: You have been such a ing around in a haze recently. that waffle iron!
Capricorn: Earthquakes
loyal friend lately that now is Now it is time to really open happen. Volcanoes erupt.
the time for it to pay off. your eyes and live your life!
Scorpio: There is only one Tornadoes wreak havoc.
Good karma is coming your word for the upcoming But you don’t have to eat so
way! Leo: Your passionate energy months for you: pineapple. much pizza that you puke
has been filling the fire inside Yes, this fruit is sweet, your brains out.
Taurus: You have been you, and now it is time to ex- sticky, and oh, so yellow,
working very hard all year plode with wild ambition! but don’t forget that the Aquarius: Life has been a
long, and now it’s time to take outside is covered with little tough for you recently.
a break. Do something for Virgo: Life has been going too nasty, poky spines. The summer is unlikely to
yourself! fast for you lately. Breathe in, change any of that. Keep
breathe out, close your eyes, Sagittarius: Remember your head down and try to
Gemini: Life has been a little and take a short nap. It will that when somene yells, avoid the shrapnel.
tough for you recently. But help you focus. “Duck!” they’re not
don’t worry, blue skies are suggesting you should Pices: Bananna peels will
coming your way! Libra: Summer is an view the quackers in the prove perilous for you -
opportunity for you to explore pond. again and again.
Cancer: You have been walk- your secret passions. Break out

Math Squares Cows' favorite play throughout all of history, written

by that drunk old pig Willy Ham Shakes Beer, is called
By Hunter Curtis “Ham: A Lot,” and is mostly known for the line “To beef,
or not to beef.”
Unfortunately, the most recent production received a
poor reception and all the players were mooed off the
stage. "It was an udder fiasco," ranted one theatregoer.
"They should have staged “The Taming of the Moo.”
Coca-Cola once tried to market its
soda to cows. The plan failed mis-
erably. While reviewing the mar-
keting plan, Coca-Cola executives
agreed that the slogan was at fault:
“Coca-Cola: It’s the veal thing!”

The Chronicles of Waldorfia is

published by the Denver Waldorf
High School. This publication is
under the supervision of Emma
Franklin. The C.O.W. welcomes
your feedback. Please direct your
Instructions correspondence to the address be-
Try to fill in the missing numbers.
low. The C.O.W. does not neces-
Use the number 1 through 9 to com- sarily represent the views of the
plete the equations. Denver Waldorf School or its com-
Each number is used only once. munity.
DWHSNews@gmail.com
Each row is a math equation. Each col-
umn is a math equation. Remember that
multiplication and division are per- Thank you for your support
formed before addition and subtraction. and enthusiasm this semester.
See you next year!
Good luck!
__ __ __ __ __ __ __ __
By John Reinhart
 Chronicles of Waldorfia Volume 1, Issue 6
Page 12

A Maze
By Hunter Curtis

Cow Tipping
By John Reinhart

What do you What is a cow’s How do you kill a

call a sullen favorite track and cow vampire?
cow? field event?
With a steak
Sour milk. The curdles. through the heart.

The Chromicles of Waldorfia

Cryptogram Volume 1, Issue 6, May 26, 2009
Editor-in-Chief:
By Nathan Palo Emma Franklin
Staff:
Nick Anthony
Phil Carter
Max Fleischer
Teddy Oja
Nathan Palo
Emma Reinhart
John Reinhart
Gautam Webb
Contributors:
Mac Connelly
Taylor Cornelius
Hunter Curtis
Connor Gallagher
Niko Pappas
Cassidy Schultz
A cryptogram is a word puzzle that requires you to solve a substitution cipher. Each Layout:
Phil Carter
letter is assigned a different letter number or symbol, and the phrase or quote is
Max Fleischer
written using the substitute letters. Some letters are given at the beginning, use re- Nathan Palo
peated letters and small words to help solve. John Reinhart
Gautam Webb