Introducing NLP The Keys To Success

Manual and Transcript

Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2011 New Zealand Free phone/fax 0800-FOR-NLP (0800-367-657) E-mail learn@transformations.net.nz Home Page http://www.transformations.net.nz PO Box 35111, Browns Bay, New Zealand

Contents
2 NLP is... 3 Presuppositions of NLP 4 5 Keys To Success 5 An NLP Model Of Communication 6 Wellformedness Conditions For Outcomes (SPECIFY) 7 Sensory Acuity (Calibration) 8 Sensory Acuity Exercises 9 Rapport Exercises 10 Mirroring 11 Dimensions of Rapport 12 Building Rapport: Options 13 Eye Accessing Cues 14 Anchoring 15 Setting A Resource Anchor 16 Love Strategies 17 Predicates Sorted By Sensory System 18 Some keys to Learning 19 Research on Neuro Linguistic Programming 30 Inner Smile
Successful completion of the Keys to Success Training, run by a Certified NLP Trainer entitles you to a discounted enrolment in the NLP Practitioner certification course, with the developers of this seminar, Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd. Your training will cover the above material and be at least 12 hours in length.

Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2011 New Zealand Free phone/fax 0800-FOR-NLP (0800-367-657) E-mail learn@transformations.net.nz Home Page http://www.transformations.net.nz PO Box 35111, Browns Bay, New Zealand

NLP is...
1. An attitude (of curiosity and experimentation) 2. A method (of Modelling) 3. A collection of Techniques developed by Modelling Neuro Linguistic a) b) c) d) e) f)

Programming

Presuppositions of NLP
The effective use of NLP is based on two assumptions: 1. The Map is Not The Territory
Each person has their own map of the world. No map is more real than any other. Whatever you intended, the important thing to understand about your

communication is what response it gets from the other person, due to their map of the world. Resistance is only a lack of rapport with another persons map. Maps which have more choices are more useful. People make the best choices available within their maps of the world. People have all the resources they need to succeed. Change is a result of enriching a persons maps so they can have more choices and use more of their own resources.

2. Life and Mind Are Systems

The processes inside a person, and between a person and their

environment, are systemic (linked together in one system). Mind and body are one system. All changes can only be evaluated in terms of the ecology of the whole system. All results (whether what you wanted or not) are feedback for the system. Behaviours give the most useful information about a system. A system (eg a person) is more than the systems behaviours. All behaviours have an original intention appropriate for the system at that time. There is an optimal level of flexibility for any particular system. The subsystem with the most flexibility controls the system.

The Five Keys To Success.

1. 2. 3. 4. Know your outcome (Page 6). Take action. Have sensory acuity to notice your results (Page 7). Have behavioural flexibility to adjust what you do next, based on those results (Page 9). Operate from a Physiology & Psychology of Excellence (Page 14).

5.

An NLP Model Of Communication

External Event

Filt ers Delete, distort and generalise information Language Memories Values Beliefs Metaprogr

Int ern al Representations

State

Physiology

Behaviour

Setting A Well-formed Outcome (SPECIFY)

1. Sensory Specific
(a) What date do you intend to have this outcome by? (b) Put yourself in the situation of having it. Step into your body at that time. What do you see, what do you hear, what do you feel when you have it?

2.

Positive Language
This question need only be asked if the person says I DONT want or I want it NOT to be like at any time. In that case, ask: If you dont have that [ie the thing they dont want], what is it that you will have instead?

3.

Ecological
(a) What will you gain if you have this outcome? What will you lose if you have this outcome? (If there are things they will lose and which they would regret losing, ask How can you create new ways to get what is important to you AND reach this goal?) (b) What situations do you want this outcome in? Are there any situations do you not want it to affect?

4. 5. 6. 7.

Choice Increases
How can this outcome increase your life choices?

Initiated By Self
What do you personally need to do to achieve this?

First Step Identified

What is a first small step which you could take in the next 24 hours?

Your Resources Identified

In your first practice of SPECIFYing an outcome, do not use this question. We will learn more about this tomorrow. What resources do you have to achieve this outcome? (This includes external resources such as time, money, and people to support you. Even more importantly, it includes internal resources such as the feeling of confidence from past experiences where you achieved goals which had a similar challenge. Internal resources can be anchored, as we will learn tomorrow.) Goal:__________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________

Sensory Acuity (Calibration)

VEGES
1. Voice
-speed -volume -tone -timbre -words used -movements -pupil dilation

2.

Eyes

3. 4.

Gestures and General Posture. Expiration/Inspiration

-rate of breathing -amount of breathing -pauses -location in body

5.

Skin

-colour -muscle tone -size of areas (e.g. lips) -shiny?

Sensory Acuity Exercises

Visual Sensory Acuity 1. In a pair, one person sits with their eyes closed and is asked to: "think of someone you really like..... See their face in front of you, listen to the sound of their voice saying something they commonly say, and feel what it would feel like if they were sitting beside you now. Keep doing that for a few seconds more." As they do this, the second person observes their face and body carefully. Then tell them to open their eyes and take a deep breath. 2. Next the same person closes their eyes again and is asked to "Now think of someone else. Someone it's okay for you to think of, but who - at least at the time you're thinking of you really don't like. See that person's face in front of you, listen to the sound of their voice saying something they'd commonly say, and feel what it would feel like it they were beside you now. Just continue with that a few seconds more. "If the person has difficulty finding an example for this part, suggest politicians or figures from TV programmes. Once they are remembering the person, again observe their face and body carefully. Then have them open their eyes and take a deep breath. 3. Finally the person will close their eyes once more and choose one of the two people to think of (randomly, and without telling the observer). As they, with eyes closed, see, hear and feel that person, the observer will make a guess as to which person it is. Repeat this until the observer can recognise the subtle changes in breathing, head position, skin colour etc. Then reverse roles and repeat. Auditory Sensory Acuity 1. In a pair, one person sits with their eyes closed. The other person chooses two people to describe. One is someone they like; one is someone its okay for them to think about, but who at least at the time they are thinking of- they dont like. Choose two people of the same sex. Describe each person in turn, saying a few sentences about them. The listener pays attention to the changes in their voice between the two people. 2. Next the speaker chooses one of the two people they thought of, at random, and without telling the listener which one. They describe a specific aspect of that persons life (making up details where needed), without using words which reveal the identity of the person. The listener will make a guess as to which person it is. Repeat with the second person, so you get to hear the difference again. Then reverse roles and repeat the exercise. Examples of aspects of the persons life which could be described are: What are their hobbies? What kind of clothes do they wear? What kind of job do they do? What kind of childhood did they have? What is their house/apartment like?

Rapport Exercises
1. Auditory Rapport. In a group of three, one person states a simple sentence, such as "Matching your voice can enhance rapport." A second person restates this sentence, aiming to, use exactly the same tone, speed, loudness, emphasis and timbre (voice quality) as the original person. The third persons job is to detect any subtle differences and give feedback to the second person on how they can change their voice to sound identical to the first one. Then, the first person again says the sentence and the second person again copies it. After four times, change roles and repeat so each person gets practise with this. 2. Visual Rapport. In the group of three, one person talks for four minutes about how they could use the skills of rapport in their daily life. This person should change their body position at least twice in the four minutes. A second person will listen, and may offer their own comments briefly. The second person's task is to mirror the posture of the speaker fully, and to use the same gestures when they speak, as the first person uses while speaking. Meanwhile the third person sits back further and observes, giving feedback to the listener at the end. Change roles and repeat so each person practises mirroring. 3. Kinesthetic Rapport. This time in the group of three, the first person simply sits, breathing normally, with their eyes closed. The second person, assuming a mirroring posture, breathes in time with them. This person will watch for subtle movements of the shoulders and abdomen to detect breathing. After breathing in time for two minutes (as measured by the third person), the second person will gently slow down their breathing rate, and see if the first person follows. [This exercise may be combined with the Visual Rapport exercise] Two important points about this last exercise are: 1) People breathe at different rates. If you're copying a fast breather, take smaller "sips" of breath than usual. If you're copying a slow breather, take bigger, deeper breaths. 2) At the end, before reversing roles, stand up and stretch, noticing that you can return to your own style of breathing.

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Mirroring
When my colleagues and I analysed the seemingly magical therapeutic interactions achieved by such wizards as Virgina Satir and Milton Erickson, we discovered certain common behavioural patterns. One of these patterns is mirroring. Mirroring is the process of offering back to the client portions of their own nonverbal behaviour - just as a mirror does. Mirroring is a way to imitate the high context messages the client is giving without attaching meaning for the client. You are already familiar with macro types of mirroring in your ongoing experience. An example of mirroring on this scale is behaving suitably - like not swearing in church or in front of Aunt Milly, whereas you might swear when with a peer group, knowing it will make some of your friends more comfortable with you. Another example of mirroring on this scale is dressing appropriately for a particular occasion. As a more refined example, we tend to match our table manners and body postures to the level of formality we perceive to be congruent with the place and people with whom we are dining. Mirroring on its various levels is the behavioural equivalent of agreeing with someone verbally. To mirror effectively you must be able to make refined visual and auditory distinctions regarding your own, as well as your clients, behaviour. The portions of your clients behaviour that are worthwhile mirroring include body postures, specific gestures, breathing rhythms, facial expressions, and voice tone, tempo, and intonation patterns. Matching some or all of these will assist you in achieving a harmonious interaction. In fact, by mirroring it is possible to disagree with the content portion of a persons communication (what they are saying) and remain in complete rapport. To begin learning how to mirror, take the time to watch other people interact. Watch children playing; observe in restaurants, meetings, and cocktail parties. Anytime you are near people who are interacting, notice how much mirroring is going on. Also, notice the quality of interaction that occurs when mirroring is absent. After a short period of time in an observers position, you will know that people instinctively mirror each other. You can now begin to do so deliberately to achieve specific outcomes. Start by mirroring just one aspect of another persons behaviour while talking to them. When this is easy, add another discreet piece - like their voice tempo - and another, and then another, until you are mirroring without thinking about it, but you can consistently observe it in your behaviour in retrospect. The more you practice, the more aware you will become of the rhythms that you and others generate with gestures and breathing patterns, and in voice tones, tempo, and intonation patterns. Be sure to notice the degree to which couples are out of sync when they are miscommunicating, in contrast to how they are in sync when doing well with one another. The difference in degree to which a couple is mirroring before and after you work with them is an important indicator of change. Many therapists think that mirroring is the same as mimicking, and they are reluctant to mirror because they are afraid they will offend their clients. We have very strong cultural restraints with regard to mimicking others. These cultural restraints are so strong that this tremendous means of learning is often denied us from a young age. Dont be a copycat! we are chided. If we detect someone mimicking us we feel that they are likely to be making fun of us and we often are offended. However, mirroring is not mimicry. Mimicry is usually characterised by some exaggeration of a behavioural feature. Mirroring is the subtle, behavioural reflection of those meaningful, unconscious communications each of us offers to the attentive receiver. Though mirroring might feel awkward to the novice, its value in achieving and maintaining rapport makes it worth doing whatever is necessary to become skilled. It requires effort to learn how to mirror effectively: You need to tune your perceptions to portions of your own and others behaviour of which you were previously unaware. From Solutions by Leslie Cameron-Bandler, Futurepace, 1985.

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Dimensions of Rapport
VEGES
1. Voice
-speed -volume -tone -timbre -predicate words -key metaphors used -movements -blink

2. 3. 4.

Eyes

Gestures and General Posture. Expiration/Inspiration

-rate of breathing -type of breathing

5.

Skin

-facial expression -pulse rate

Indicators Of Rapport
FLOW
1. 2. 3. 4. Feeling of oneness. Leading occurs. Observable colour change in skin. Words e.g. I feel very close to you - optional.

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Building Rapport: Options

1. Simultaneous match action as the person does it. (eg body posture) Direct match behaviour with the same behaviour of yours. (eg breathe in time with them) Sequential vs match action after they do it . (eg speech, gestures) Crossover vs match behaviour with a different behaviour of yours (eg your foot moves in time to their breathing). Use when direct matching is unsafe for your body (eg asthma) Mirroring vs Mirror image position (eg your left leg crossed over right; their right leg crossed over left). More intense; makes you seem like a reflection of their own experience.

2.

3.

Matching Same position as the other person (eg both cross right leg over left). Less intense; makes you seem similar so they can decide separate from you, eg in sales to avoid buyers remorse; at decision points in counselling. Individual match/mirror/pace one person

4.

Group vs a) Identify the rapport leader (the person others unconsciously copy) and match them. d) Build rapport with previous group leaders who had rapport. c) ask the group to do something , and do it with them.

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Eye Accessing Cues

While most people lump all of their internal information processing together and call it thinking, Bandler and Grinder have noted that it can be very useful to divide thinking into the different sensory modalities in which it occurs. When we process information internally, we can do it visually, auditorily, kinesthetically, olfactorily, or gustatorily. As you read the word circus, you may know what it means by seeing images of circus rings, elephants, or trapeze artists; by hearing carnival music; by feeling excited; or by smelling and tasting popcorn or cotton candy. It is possible to access the meaning of a word in any one, or any combination, of the five sensory channels. Bandler and Grinder have observed that people move their eyes in systematic directions, depending upon the kind of thinking they are doing. These movements are called eye accessing cues. The chart (above) indicates the kind of processing most people do when moving their eyes in a particular direction. A small percentage of individuals are reversed, that is, they move their eyes in a mirror image of this chart.

This chart is easiest to use if you simply superimpose it over someones face, so that as you see her looking in a particular direction you can also visualise the label for that eye accessing-cue.

Persons Right
Vr

Persons Left

Visual remembered (Up Left): seeing of things seen before, in the way they were seen before. Sample questions that usually elicit this kind of processing include: What colour are your best friends eyes? What does your coat look like? Visual constructed (Up Right): seeing images of things never seen before, or seeing things differently that they were seen before. Questions that usually elicit this kind of processing include: What would an orange hippopotamus with purple spots look like? What would you look like from the other side of the room? Auditory remembered (Across Left): remembering sounds heard before. Questions that usually elicit this kind of processing include: What is the last thing I said? What does your alarm clock sound like? Auditory constructed (Across Right): hearing sounds not heard before. Questions that tend to elicit this kind of process include: What would the sound of birds singing a rock song sound like? What would your name sound like backwards? Auditory digital (Down Left): talking to oneself. Questions that tend to elicit this kind of processing include: Say something to yourself that you often say to yourself. Recite a memorised quote. Kinesthetic (Down Right): feeling emotions, tactile sensations (sense of touch), or proprioceptive feelings (feelings of muscle movement). Questions to elicit this kind of processing include: What does it feel like to be happy? What is the feeling of touching a pine cone? How does it feel to run? Adapted from Tranceformations by J. Grinder & R. Bandler, Real People Press, 1981.

Vc

Ar

Ac

Ad

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Anchoring
In each experience, there are things you see, hear, feel, taste and smell. All these parts of the experience are connected or anchored together in your mind. Any one part of the experience can be used to recreate the state of mind you were in at that time. Seeing Hearing Feeling Tasting Smelling a picture of an old friend may remind you of your friendship. music you enjoyed years ago may remind you of how you felt then. your body in a position you use to relax in can help you relax now. food cooked just the way your parent did may remind you of childhood. popcorn & candyfloss may remind you of the excitement of a fair.

We are consistently being anchored into states of mind, in this way. Even words (like these) are anchors. The word anchor reminds you of the way an anchor looks and of the things youve heard about anchors. You can use anchoring to help move yourself or someone else into the state of mind and physiology you want. Obviously, most of the changes people seek to make in counselling or psychotherapy can be understood as changing negative anchors. Many of the powerful change techniques of NLP are applications of this simple principle. Resource anchors can be used (see next page). A strong resource anchor can also be collapsed with an anchor for an unwanted response, so that the resources are connected to the situation they are needed in. A new strategy can be anchored into place, so that the situation that once triggered an unresourceful response now triggers the new strategy.

Setting an Anchor (SPUR)

There are four simple things to make sure of when you set an anchor: 1. State Intensity and Congruity. The person must be in the state of mind you want, not half in that state and half in another. 2. Precise Timing. You must time the anchor to happen while the person is in that state, not before or after it. 3. Uniqueness. The anchor must be something that is not going to happen by accident at other times. It should be unique. 4. Replicable. The anchor must be something you can repeat in exactly the same way, whenever you want to recreate that state of mind.

Examples
1. While someone is remembering a time that they were curious and eager to learn, you might make a special hand gesture, that you do not usually make. Next time you want them to feel curious and eager to learn, you can recreate that state by making that gesture again. Changing students anchored responses to learning situations is the key to successful teaching. 2. While someone is feeling very relaxed and remembering a time when they were on holiday, they might say to themselves the phrase Calm and relaxed. Next time they are in an challenging business situation, they can say to themselves Calm and relaxed in that same tone of voice, and they will then relax. Note that most advertising is simple anchoring (reminding someone of a pleasant experience and then flashing on the brand name of the product). 3. Research on the use of Pavlovian conditioning (anchoring) with rats indicates that allergic responses can be anchored to a normally pleasant smell, so that whenever the rats smell camphor (for example) they become allergic. Reversing this logic, the NLP Allergy cure uses an anchor for the nonallergic response, and associates that with the thing the person used to be allergic to. The result, reported by Dr Vida Barron MD is 80% success in fully resolving the allergic response.

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Setting a Resource Anchor

1. The Practitioner establishes rapport with the person setting the anchor. 2. The practitioner explains the nature of anchors (assume its done in the class example). Have the person choose a hand gesture to make with the non-dominant hand, as a resource anchor. Have the person think of a time they would like to feel more confident (not a full phobia or traumatic event; just a less comfortable or anxious time. Say Notice what that feels like when you think of that time now. Youd know if that feeling changed wouldnt you. 3. Ask the person to remember a time when they had the state of Confidence (be aware that the easiest way to remember this state may be by remembering times when they were doing something they enjoy doing, rather than what they describe as confidence). Once they remember a time when they had that state intensely and purely, have them Associate into that memory. To assist, Experience the state of confidence yourself as you talk to them. Say Step into your own body in that memory, seeing through your eyes, hearing through your ears, and feeling fully that feeling of confidence. Tell the person Adjust your body now, so that youre sitting the way you sit when you feel that confidence. Notice the kind of voice you use as you feel that confidence. Use your sensory acuity to check that the state looks congruent! 4. Tell the person When you feel that confidence fully, just make that gesture with your hand, so that the feeling becomes totally associated with that gesture. If the feeling isnt as strong at some time, just release the hand and wait till you can feel it fully again, Have the person stand up and walk round, feeling that state of confidence and noticing how they stand and walk in that state. Tell them again to make the hand gesture once they know that the state is strong. 5. Tell the person to release the gesture, and sit down again. Now have them stretch and eg look out the window, to break state. 6. Now tell them Now make that gesture again with that hand, and feel how that gesture now causes the state of confidence. Check that this works, using your sensory acuity. This is testing the anchor. Afterwards, break state (for example by having them release the anchor, take a breath, and think of something theyre looking forward to later). If the anchor is working go to step 7. Otherwise repeat steps 3-6. 7. Tell the person Now, using that anchor, and feeling those resourceful feelings [have them make the hand gesture] think of a future time when youd like to use that anchor; a time when in the past you would have found it a little challenging to feel resourceful. Notice as you think of it, how thats changed now!

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Love Strategy
1. Think of a time that is comfortable to think of now, when you really felt totally loved, or if those words don't fit, a time when you felt highly valued by someone. Take the time to fully remember a specific time, a specific moment when you felt that way. If you haven't found one easily in 5 minutes, invent a memory (it will work perfectly anyway). 2. As you remember that time seeing what you saw, hearing what you heard, feeling physically your body at that time check: In order for you to feel loved or valued in that way, is it absolutely necessary for a person to a) Show you they love you (look at you with a certain look, buy you certain things, take you certain places)? b) Tell you they love you in a certain tone of voice or with certain words? c) Touch you in a certain way? Which of these three things is absolutely necessary for you to feel loved? Which one is so important that even if the other two weren't happening, you'd feel loved just with that? 3. Usually feeling loved is a one step strategy. Some sight/sound/touch triggers the internal kinesthetic feeling of being loved. When you know this about yourself and your partner, you can ensure each of you is able to send the message when you need it most. To identify someone elses strategy, ask them the questions exactly as written here.

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Predicates (words the person uses to describe their subject)

Sorted by Sensory System Unspecified (Ad) attitude consider persevere demonstrate emit absent plain ostentatious attend to ignore display understand identify conceive fully perceive remind one of reconsider teach refer to attend to insensitive imitate equalised perceive/think intensity motivate decide unperceptive require awareness innovative can be perceived energy frequency significance meet with considering that.. suggestions of she has ability representation influence indirectly attend to... rapport Visual view/perspective look over see through show/illustrate radiate/sparkle blank lacklustre/dull flashy/showy look after overlook show off get the picture point out imagine get an eyeful look familiar review/reflect illuminate point out/focus on look at/focus on blind reflect/mirror symmetry see brightness add sparkle/flash up see the options blind make someone see state of the art clear -as day/crystal blue/violetred bigsmall see in the light of... glimmers of she has vision image/symbol/map give the wink look at... seeing eye to eye Auditory opinion/comment sound out hear out explain resonate silent muted loud/screaming listen in on tune out sound off tune in/click in to call attention to call up get an earful ring a bell repeat/recall instruct
allude/call attention to

Kinesthetic position/stance feel out carry through walk through vibrate/pulsate numb dull striking care for/support pass over/let slide put on parade catch on/grasp put the finger on get a hold of get a handful/gutful strike as familiar rerun lead through touch on/contact get a feel for unfeeling bounce off/pace balance feel pressure move/get into gear weigh the options numb hammer home up with the play solid/concrete hotcold heavylight touch base with bearing in mind... touches of she has guts model/structure pull some strings get a load of... connected/contact

tune into deaf echo/play back harmony hear volume tune up hear the options deaf convince last word clear -as a bell highlow pitch long lastingbrief talk to on that theme... undertones of ...the gift of the gab
figure of speech/metaphor

put a word in listen to... harmonised/tuned

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The A-H Of Learning

1. Ask questions; Permission to not know. 2. Be willing to make mistakes 3. Chunk the information into sections with 7 2 pieces 4. Determine which sensory system combination works for you best 5. Easy, relaxed state of mind 6. First and last pieces are leaned more easily 7. Go through the information several times 8. Hang information on memory peg systems (eg mnemonics)

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A Summary Dr Richard Bolstad NLP Trainer, 2011 E-mail learn@transformations.net.nz PO Box 35111, Browns Bay, Auckland, New Zealand, Freephone 0800-FOR-NLP Overview Research on NLP is in its infancy. The term NLP was first coined in 1976 (based on the term neuro-linguistics used by Alfred Korzybski in 1930), so that the entire field is currently only 30 years old, and some of the most significant techniques were developed within the last decade. Richard Bandler was a fourth year student in Dr John Grinders linguistics class at the University of California in Santa Cruz, in 1972 when the two of them began the development of NLP. The richness of NLP owes much to the network of people that this association focused. Their network of professional contacts, whose ideas contributed to the development of NLP, included: Virginia Satir (the family therapist from whom Bandler initially developed the language patterns that became the metamodel), Gregory Bateson (systems theorist and psychotherapist, whose partner Margaret Mead had studied trancework with Dr Milton Erickson), George Miller (the theorist who proposed the TOTE model for strategies), Noam Chomsky (linguist), Robert Spitzer (head of Science and Behaviour Books, who edited Fritz Perls work for publication).

Research on Neuro Linguistic Programming

Grinder and Bandlers friends in the initial NLP group included Judith DeLozier, Robert Dilts, Leslie Cameron, David Gordon, Mary Beth Megus, Terry McClendon and others. The Structure of Magic Volume I was the first book jointly published by Bandler and Grinder, in 1975. Most NLP Practitioners trust the empirical evidence that what they are doing works, but the following article collects some of the scant research data currently available to support their experience. Some NLP techniques are simply modelled on techniques used and researched in other fields (Ericksonian Hypnosis and Classical Conditioning being the two main examples) and in these fields NLP is an accelerated methodology for learning these techniques, rather than the originator of them. In other cases research from the field of Psychology supports the theoretical basis of NLP techniques which in themselves have not been fully researched yet (a key example being the phenomenon called Submodalities in NLP). Finally some specific research on NLPs own developed techniques does exist. The NLP Model Of Sensory System Use And The NLP Spelling Strategy One of the most important claims made by NLP is that people think in specific sensory languages, and these types of thought can be accessed by changing the direction the subjects eyes look to. The following experiment supports this notion, and its application to memorising the spelling of words. F. Loiselle at the University of Moncton in New Brunswick, Canada (1985) selected 44 average spellers, as determined by their pretest on memorising nonsense words. Instructions in the experiment, where the 44 were required to memorise another set of nonsense words, were given on a computer screen. The 44 were divided into four subgroups for the experiment. Group One were told to visualise each word in the test, while looking up to the left. Group Two were told to visualise each word while looking down to the right. Group Three were told to visualise each word (no reference to eye position). Group Four were simply told to study the word in order to learn it. The results on testing immediately after were that Group One (who did actually look up left more than the others, but took the same amount of time) increased their success in spelling by 25%, Group Two worsened their spelling by 15%, Group Three increased their success by 10%, and Group Four scored the same as previously. This strongly suggests that looking up left (Visual Recall in NLP terms) enhances spelling, and is twice as effective as simply teaching students to picture the words. Furthermore, looking down right (Kinesthetic in NLP terms) damages the ability to visualise the words. Interestingly, in a final test some time later (testing retention), the scores of Group One remained constant, while the scores of the control group, Group Four, plummeted a further 15%, a drop which was consistent with standard learning studies. The resultant difference in memory of

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the words for these two groups was 61% . Thomas Malloy at the University of Utah Department of Psychology completed a study with three groups of spellers, again pretested to find average spellers. One group were taught the NLP spelling strategy of looking up and to the left, one group were taught a strategy of sounding out by phonetics and auditory rules, and one were given no new information. In this study the tests involved actual words. Again, the visual recall spellers improved 25%, and had near 100% retention one week later. The group taught the auditory strategies improved 15% but this score dropped 5% in the following week. The control group showed no improvement. These studies support the NLP Spelling Strategy specifically, and the NLP notion of Eye Accessing Cues, Sensory system use, and Strategies in general. They are reported in: Dilts, R. and Epstein, T., Dynamic Learning, Meta, Capitola, California,1995 The NLP Model of Sensory Representational System Use The claim that which sensory system you talk in makes a difference to your results with specific clients was tested by Michael Yapko. He had 30 graduate students in counselling, and had them listen to three separate taped trance inductions. Each induction used language from one of the main sensory systems (visual, auditory and kinesthetic). Subjects were assessed before to identify their preference for words from these sensory systems. After each induction, their depth of trance was measured by electromyograph and by asking them how relaxed they felt. On both measures, subjects achieved greater relaxation when their preferred sensory system was used. Yapko. M., The Effects of Matching Primary Representational System Predicates on Hypnotic Relaxation. in the American Journal of Clinical Hypnosis, 23, p169-175, 1981 Mirroring and Rapport In 1995 a remarkable type of neuron was discovered by researchers working at the University of Palma in Italy (Rizzolatti et alia, 1996; Rizzolatti and Arbib, 1998). The cells, now called mirror neurons, are found in the pre-motor cortex of monkeys and apes as well as humans. In humans they form part of the specific area called Brocas area, which is also involved in the creation of speech. Although the cells are related to motor activity (ie they are part of the system by which we make kinaesthetic responses such as moving an arm), they seem to be activated by visual input. When a monkey observes another monkey (or even a human) making a body movement, the mirror neurons light up. As they do, the monkey appears to involuntarily copy the same movement it has observed visually. Often this involuntary movement is inhibited by the brain (otherwise the poor monkey would be constantly copying every other monkey), but the resulting mimickery is clearly the source of the saying monkey see, monkey do. In human subjects, when this area of the brain is exposed to the magnetic field of transcranial magnetic stimulation (TMS), thus reducing conscious control, then merely showing a movie of a person picking up an object will cause the subject to involuntarily copy the exact action with their hand (Fadiga et alia, 1995). This ability to copy a fellow creatures actions as they do them has obviously been very important in the development of primate social intelligence. It enables us to identify with the person we are observing. When this area of the brain is damaged in a stroke, copying anothers actions becomes almost impossible. The development of speech has clearly been a result of this copying skill. Furthermore, there is increasing evidence that autism and Aspergers syndrome are related to unusual activity of the mirror neurons. This unusual activity results in a difficulty the autistic person has understanding the inner world of others, as well as a tendency to echo speech parrot-fashion and to randomly copy others movements. Mirror neurons respond to the facial expressions associated with emotions as well, so that they enable the person to directly experience the emotions of those they observe. William Condon has meticulously studied videotapes of conversations, confirming these patterns. He found that in a successful conversation, movements such as a smile or a head nod are involuntarily matched by the other person within 1/15 of a second. Within minutes of beginning the conversation, the volume, pitch and speech rate (number of sounds per minute) of the peoples voices match each other. This is correlated with a synchronising of the type and rate of breathing. Even general body posture is adjusted over the conversation so that the people appear to match or mirror each other (Condon 1982, p 53-76). As a person adjusts their facial expression and other nonverbal behaviour to match others they actually use the same pattern of brain activation that the other person is using. When their mirror neurons respond and they copy the persons actions, they thus feel what that person is feeling. This results in what

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researchers call emotional contagion what NLP calls rapport (Hatfield et alia, 1994). Bandler, R. and Grinder, J. Frogs Into Princes, Real People Press, Moab, Utah, 1979 Bolstad, R. RESOLVE: A New Model Of Therapy Crown House, Bancyfelin, Wales, 2002 Condon, W. S. "Cultural Microrhythms" p 53-76 in Davis, M. (ed) Interactional Rhythms:Periodicity in Communicative Behaviour Human Sciences Press, New York, 1982 Fadiga, L., Fogassi, G., Pavesi, G. and Rizzolatti, G. Motor Facilitation during action observation: a magnetic stimulation study p 2608-2611 in Journal of Neurophysiology, No. 73, 1995 Hatfield, E., Cacioppo, J. and Rapson, R. Emotional Contagion Cambridge University Press, Cambridge, 1994 Palubeckas, A.J. Rapport in the therapeutic relationship and its relationship to pacing Dissertation Abstracts International 42(6), 2543-B 2544-B, Boston University School of Education, 127pp, Order = 8126743 Rizzolatti, G., Fadiga, L., Gallese, V. and Fogassi, L. Premotor cortex and the recognition of motor actions p 131-141 in Cognitive Brain Research, No. 3, 1996 Rizzolatti,G. and Arbib, M.A. Language within our grasp p 188-194 in Trends in Neuroscience, No. 21, 1998 Sandhu, D.S., Reeves, T.G. and Portes, P.R. Cross-cultural counseling and neurolinguistic mirroring with Native American adolescents p 106-118 in Journal of Multicultural Counselling and Development, Vol 21, No. 2, April, 1993 The NLP Model Of Association-Dissociation And The NLP Phobia/Trauma Process Several small scale studies support the success of the NLP Phobia cure, which is based on the NLP model of Dissociation. Here are a collection. In this case the treatment, which takes about 10 minutes, is the standard one taught on NLP Practitioner courses. Denholtz M.S., and Mann, E.T., "An automated audiovisual treatment of phobias administered by nonprofessionals" in the Journal of Behaviour Therapy and Experimental Psychiatry (6, p 111-115), 1975. The first report of the use of the technique, suggesting it may have some merits. Allen, K., "An Investigation of the Effectiveness of Neuro Linguistic Programming Procedures in treating Snake Phobias" (in Dissertation Abstracts International 43, 861B), 1982. This study of 36 undergraduate students with snake phobias found the NLP process behaviourally as successful as far longer behaviourist Massed Systemic Desensitisation regimes, and more convincing subjectively to the participants. Einspruch, E. Neurolinguistic Programming in the Treatment of Phobias in Psychotherapy in Private Practice, 6(1): 91-100, 1988 In this study from the University of Miami Phobia Trauma Clinic, 31 phobic clients were seen in group therapy, and 17 in individual therapy. The subjects were given questionnaires before and after therapy, and these suggest that the technique is successful for symptoms of both anxiety and depression in clients with phobias. Koziey, P., and McLeod, G., Visual kinesthetic Dissociation in Treatment of Victims of Rape in Professional Psychology; Research and Practice, 18(3); 276-282,1987 The study, from the University of Alberta, showed the reduction of anxiety in teenage rape victims, and recommends the use of the process in cases of trauma. Dr David Muss did a pilot study on this method, with 70 members of the British West Midlands Police Force, all of whom had witnessed major disasters such as the Lockerbie air crash. Of these 19 qualified as having PTSD. The time between trauma and treatment varied from six weeks to ten years. All participants reported that after an average of three sessions they were completely free of intrusive memories and other PTSD symptoms. For most, one session was enough to solve the problem. Followup ranged from 3 months to 2 years, and all gains were sustained over that time (Muss, 1991). This kind of success is almost unprecedented in the field of psychotherapy. Even more important, it can be achieved by anyone with a basic understanding of NLP, and does not depend on the magical talents of a rare expert. Muss, D. A New Technique For Treating Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder in British Journal of Clinical Psychology, 30, p 91-92, 1991 Muss, Dr D. The Trauma Trap. Doubleday, London, 1991 The Use Of Submodalities Many NLP techniques are based on the changing of specific qualities (called submodalities) of the internal pictures, sounds and body responses a subject uses. Research on these was occuring before NLP developed, and is summarised in the back of the book Gordon, D., Therapeutic Metaphors, Meta, Cupertino, California, 1978 Studies show, for example, that the submodalities in which a client views a placebo (how colourful the pill packaging is, say) will affect the result. Other studies show that changes in the submodalities in one sensory

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system will automatically result in changes in the other sensory systems and in emotional changes (so if you change the way your internal picture looks, youll feel different). As an example, office workers in a room repainted blue will complain of the cold, even though the thermostat is constant, but will stop complaining if it is repainted yellow. These responses are physiological, so that sounds of about 80 decibels produce a 37% decrease in stomach contractions (similar to the result of fear, and likely to be perceived as such, as the writers of scores for thriller movies know). These examples come from: Buckalew, L.W., and Ross, S. ,Relationship of Perceptual Characteristics to Efficacy of Placebos in Psychological Reports 49, p955-961, 1981 Berry, P. Effect of Coloured Illumination Upon Perceived Temperature in Journal of Applied Psychology, 45(4) p248-250 Smith, E.L. and Laird, D.A., The Loudness of Auditory Stimuli Which Affect Stomach Contractions In Healthy Human Beings in Journal of the Acoustic Society of America, 2, p94-98, 1930 The swish is a submodality technique with a wide range of applications. It has been used successfully to resolve compulsive behaviours such as nail biting (Wilhelm, 1991) or explosive violence (Masters et alia, 1991), as well as to deal with anxiety conditions (Andreas and Andreas, 1992). Wilhelm, F.A. "Submodality change and nail chewing. Empirical test of an imaginative method ('Swish')" Masters, B.J., Rawlins, M.E., Rawlins, L.D. and Weidner, J. "The NLP Swish Pattern: An innovative visualising technique" p 79-90 in Journal of Mental Healthy Counselling, Volume 13, No 1, January 1991 Andreas, S. and Andreas, C. Neuro-Linguistic Programming p 14-35 in Budman, S.H., Hoyt, M.F. and Friedman, S. The First Session In Brief Therapy Guildford Press, New York, 1992 Anchoring In orthodox psychological literature, the NLP technique of Anchoring is known as Classical Conditioning, as developed 100 years ago by Ivan Pavlov (who induced dogs to salivate by ringing a bell just before feeding them, and then ringing the bell alone). In one of the earliest studies of classical conditioning, an eleven month old boy (Albert) was introduced to a white rat. Initially, Albert liked the rat and wanted to play with it. However, each time he reached for it, the experimenter made a loud noise behind him, frightening him. After five such noises, Albert had anchored fear to the rat, and panicked whenever he saw it. Having induced this phobia by anchoring, the experimenters were then able to remove it similarly (though this is clearly an ethically dubious study both for Albert and the rat!). Research from p 40 in : Davison, G.C., and Neale, J.M., Abnormal Psychology, John Wiley & Sons, New York, 1986 In a controlled research study published in Germany (Reckert, 1994), Horst Reckert describes how in one session he was able to remove students' test anxiety using this simple technique, described below. In another study, John Craldell discusses the use of anchoring to access a "self-caring-state" useful for adult children of alcoholics (Craldell, 1989), and in a third study, Mary Thalgott discusses the use of anchors to support children with learning disabilities (Thalgott, 1986). Craldell, J.S. "Brief treatment for adult children of alcoholics: Accessing resources for self care"p 510-513 in Psychotherapy, Volume 26, No 4, Winter, 1989 Thalgott, M.R. "Anchoring: A "Cure" For Epy" p 347-352 in Academic Therapy, Volume 21, No 3, January 1986 Reckert, H.W. "Test anxiety removed by anchoring in just one session?" in Multimind, NLP Aktuell, No 6, November/December 1994 Of the hundreds of examples of anchoring principles applied in an innovative way, without the name Anchoring, one stands out for me. It is Ellen Langers study of two groups of elderly men (aged 75-80 years), at Harvard University. For 5 days, these two comparable groups of men lived in a closely supervised retreat centre out in the country. One group was engaged in a series of tasks encouraging them to think about the past (to write an autobiography, to discuss the past etc). The other group was engaged in a series of tasks which actually anchored them back into a past time (1959). They wrote an autobiography only up to 1959, describing that time as now, watched 1959 movies, had 1959 music playing on the radios, and lived with only the artifacts available in 1951. Before and after the 5 days, both groups were studied on a number of criteria associated with aging. While the first group stayed constant or actually deteriorated on these criteria, the second group dramatically improved on physical health measures such as joint flexibility, vision, and muscle breadth, as well as on IQ tests. They were anchored back to being 50 years old, by the sights and sounds of 1959. Langer, E.J. Mindfulness, Addison Wesley, Reading, Massachusetts, 1989 The NLP Allergy Process, described below, is an example of a researched NLP technique using this anchoring

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principle. The NLP Allergy Process Here a research base exists outside of NLP. Several studies suggest that allergic responses can be generated (and thus removed) by classical conditioning (which in NLP is called Anchoring). In these studies, an allergy inducing chemical is given to mice, for example, at the same time as a camphor smell is released. In following sessions, the smell of camphor will induce an allergic response. See as an example: Pavlovian Conditioning of Rat Mucosal Mast Cells to Secrete Rat Mast Cell Protease II in Science, 6 January 1989, p83-85 Small studies on the NLP technique itself are also supportive. Dr Judith Swack studied ten people who had a variety of allergies (cats, dust, flowers, cigarette smoke etc). Seven of the ten responded to the ten minute allergy process by become completely response-free. Over two years, the results reduced, as three of the seven regained some allergic response. Interestingly, of the three who initially got no success with the allergy process, two became allergy free once Swack used other NLP techniques (Time Line Therapy, the Compulsion Blowout and the Trauma Process) with them. The overall success of NLP in treating allergies may be close to 100%, but the success of the 10 minute process itself, with no other interventions, is initially 70% and on long term followup is 40%. Swack, J.A., A Study of Initial Response and Reversion Rates of Subjects Treated With The Allergy technique, in Anchor Point, Vol 6, No2, Feb 1992 Language Pattern Use Dr Thomas Macroy at Utah State University did a detailed study of 31 families, members of which were asked to rate their level of satisfaction with the family. Next, a family session was held for each family and recorded on audiotape. The audiotapes were analysed for the occurrence of 150 specific metamodel patterns. In those families where people were less satisfied, substantially more metamodel patterns were being used, especially deletions and unspecified nouns. This study supports the notion that challenging metamodel patterns is an important way to enhance the ability to achieve satisfaction socially (Macroy, 1978). Macroy, T.D. "Linguistic surface structures in family interaction" in Dissertation Abstracts International, 40 (2) 926-B, Utah State University, 133 pp, Order = 7917967, 1978 Donald Moine at the University of Oregon studied 45 minute long audiocassette recordings of insurance salespeople. His sample included top producers from their companies, as well as "average" producers of sales. The highly successful salespeople used far more embedded suggestions, complex equivalents, mind reading, metaphors, pacing, and modal operators of possibility. This artfully vague and suggestive language was part of their skill in enabling others to change (Moines, 1981). Moine, D. "A psycholinguistic study of the patterns of persuasion used by successful salespeople" in Dissertation Abstracts International, 42 (5), 2135-B, University of Oregon, 271pp, Order = 8123499, 1981 Dr Lewis Baxter (1994) showed that clients with obsessive compulsive disorder had raised activity in neural networks inside the caudate nucleus of the brain (demonstrated on PET scans of the brain). Drugs such as Prozac raise serotonin levels and the caudate nucleus activity is thus reduced. Baxter found that when clients repeated a simple reframe to themselves, the PET scan showed the same raising of serotonin levels and the same lowering of activity in the caudate nucleus. Baxter L. R. Positron emission tomography studies of cerebral glucose metabolism in obsessive compulsive disorder. Journal of Clinical Psychiatry, 1994, 55 Supplement: p 54-9. Hypnosis And Communication With The Unconscious Mind The research on the results of Hypnosis in general, and Ericksonian Hypnosis in particular amounts to many volumes. NLP Practitioners have contributed to that research, as for example in the study done by Lynn Timpany (of Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, New Zealand) into the use of a one session hypnosis treatment for morning sickness and anxiety in 12 women who were pregnant. Of those 12 women, two had sleeping problems which disappeared as a result of the session, five of the eight who were vomiting noticed a significant improvement, and two went from being nauseous virtually 100% of the time to feeling ill less than 20% of the time. Timpany, L., A Study of The Effectiveness of Single Session NLP Treatment For Pregnancy Treatment in

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Anchor Point, June 1996, p18-19 The literature about hypnosis documents some remarkable successes with its use in a variety of fields. As a reference, see: Crasilneck, H.B. and Hall, J.A. , Clinical Hypnosis: Principles and Applications, Allyn and Bacon, Boston, 1985 Studies show that hypnosis can over-ride what would have been considered incurable congenital conditions. For example, the British Medical Journal in 1952 published a study of a 16 year old boy with congenital ichthyosis erythroderma, whose skin was covered in a horny layer which wept fluid at the joints. In a week following hypnosis, small areas of the body were clear, and the results spread to the rest of the body over the second week. (above text, p376). In one of the clearest demonstrations of the ability to communicate with a persons (literally) unconscious mind, D. Cheek induced 3000 fully anaesthetised patients to produce hand movements as signals for yes and no, obviously without their conscious knowledge. Cheek, D., Awareness of Meaningful Sounds Under General Anaesthesia. in Theoretical and Clinical aspects of Hypnosis, Symposium Specialists, 1981 Time Line Therapy And Treatment Of Medical Conditions Such As Asthma A one year research study (May 1993-May 1994) into the treatment of asthmatics, using NLP, was done in Denmark. Results have already been presented at a number of European conferences, including the Danish Society of Allergology Conference (August 1994), and the European Respiratory Society Conference (Nice, France, October 1994). The study was run by General Practitioner Jorgen Lund and NLP Master Practitioner Hanne Lund, from Herning, Denmark. Patients were selected from 8 general practices. 30 were included in the NLP Intervention group, and 16 in the control group. All received basic medical care including being supplied with medication. Most had never heard of NLP before, and many were completely unbelieving in it, or terrified of it. Their motivation to do NLP was generally low. The intervention group had an initial day introduction to NLP and Time Line Therapy, and then 3-36 hours (average 13) of NLP intervention. The NLP focus was not mainly on the asthma; it was on how the people lived their daily lives. The interventions used were: Clear anger, sadness, fear, hurt, guilt and any limiting decisions using T.L.Therapy Use the NLP Trauma cure on the origin of the asthma. Use the NLP allergy cure. The results affected both the peoples general lives, and their asthma. Patients tended to describe their change subjectively as enabling them to be "more open", get "colossal strength and self confidence" "a new life" etc. The lung capacity of adult asthmatics tends to decrease by 50ml a year average. This occurred in the control group. Meanwhile the NLP group increased their lung capacity by an average of 200ml (like reversing four years of damage in a year!). Daily variations in peak flow (an indicator of unstable lung function) began at 30%40%. In the control group they reduced to 25% but in the NLP group they fell to below 10% . Sleep disorders in the control group began at 70% and dropped to 30%. In the NLP group they began at 50% and dropped to ZERO. Use of asthma inhalers and acute medication in the NLP group fell to near ZERO. Hanne Lund points out that the implications of this project reach far beyond asthma management. She says "We consider the principles of this integrated work valuable in treatment of patients with any disease, and the next step will be to train medical staff in this model." Hanne Lund can be reached at: NLP Creative Kommunikationa, Bredgade 11, DK 7400 Herning, Denmark Use Of NLP In Psychotherapy A study of NLP use in Psychotherapy was organised by Martina Genser-Medlitsch and Peter Schtz in Vienna, Austria in 1996. The test sample of 55 therapy clients and the control group of 60 clients on a waiting list were matched by pattern of symptoms, age, family circumstances, education level, therapy experience etc. The test group were seen by members of a group of 37 NLP Master Practitioners (22 men and 15 women) who used a full range of NLP techniques (reframing, setting outcomes, parts work, metamodel, metaphor, trance, time line work, anchoring, belief changes, submodality shifts, strategies, and trauma-phobia process). Clients were assessed with a number of questionnaires before therapy, after therapy, and at 6 month followup. The assessments checked occurrence of individual discomforts, clinical psychological symptoms, coping strategies used for stress management, locus of control (whether the people felt in control of their lives), and subjective evaluation of the therapy by the client and the therapist. Diagnoses (ICD9) ranged from schizo-affective and other psychotic disorders, through alcohol dependence, endogenous depressions, psychosomatic disorders, and

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other issues to post traumatic stress disorders. These disorders were more severe initially in the test group than in the control group on all scales, and their use of psychiatric drugs was higher. On average, treatments lasted 12 sessions (1-48) over a period averaging 20 weeks. After treatment 1.9% of clients who had had NLP therapy felt no different, 38,9% felt better and 59.3% felt considerably better. None of those treated felt worse. In the control group meanwhile, 47.5% felt no different, 29.5% felt better and 6.6% felt considerably better. 9.8% of the controls felt worse and 4.9% felt considerably worse. At 6 month followup, 52% of clients who had had therapy felt considerably better, 28% felt better, 12% felt there was no change, and 8% felt worse. Meanwhile, the therapists rated 49% of their treatments as having met objectives well, 47% as having somewhat met objectives, and 4% as of little or no success. After therapy, the clients who received NLP scored higher in their perception of themselves as in control of their lives (with a difference at 10% significance level), reduced their use of drugs, used more successful coping methods to respond to stressful situations, and reduced symptoms such as anxiety, aggression, paranoid thinking, social insecurity, compulsive behaviours, and depression. the research showed that some positive changes also occurred in the control group and could not be accounted for by the therapy, including some of the reduction in psychosomatic symptoms, social isolation and some paranoid thinking. Altogether, positive changes in 25 of 33 symptom areas (76%) occurred as a result of the therapy, positive changes in 3 areas occurred in both groups, and no significant changes occurred in 5 areas. Amongst the group who received therapy, there were some interesting differences. On 63.15% of the symptom scales, changes were more pronounced in those under 36 years than those over 35 years old. On 40% of the symptom dimensions, men improved more than women (especially in the areas of feeling more in control of life, and reducing paranoid thoughts, aggression, depression and anxiety). Clients receiving longer durations of therapy (11-48 sessions, as compared to 1-10 sessions) had more gains (especially in relief from compulsive and psychotic behaviours) at the end of therapy, but also accounted for more of the loss of success at the 6 month followup. Use of NLP in Business Coaching A study of NLP use in business coaching was done by Dr Trygve Roos in 2002. He followed up business clients 6-24 months after (usually single session) coaching and found that the gains they had made in work performance, personal behaviour and perceived life quality were dramatic and sustained over that time. Dr Roos points out that management research consistently emphasises the interrelatedness of these three types of outcomes. Many business clients, he found, chose to work on what would be seen as personal issues, which none-the-less had a profound effect on their business achievement. He gives examples (Roos, 2002, p 4) of a client with a phobia of flying which had altered all his career choices, and a client with a phobia of pigeons who had structured all his business meetings to avoid the need to walk past public parks. As an example of the efficiency of his work with specific issues, he worked with 25 clients who wanted to give up smoking cigarettes (Roos, 2002, p 91). 19 ceased smoking after a single 45 minute session, and another one after two sessions. At follow-up 24 months later, only 5 of the original 25 had started smoking again, a success rate of 75%, over twice the usual best results of longer aversion and other therapies for smoking. Roos, T. Mental Coaching, Trafford Publishing, Victoria, Canada, 2002 Effects of NLP Training In 1990 and 1992 Psychological Reports published research on the effects of NLP Practitioner training showing that those attending increase their sense of being in control of their lives, reduce the level of anxiety in their life, and demonstrate higher self actualisation. What this means in practice is shown by follow-up of NLP Practitioners 6-9 months after their training in New Zealand with Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd. Having had time to realistically assess the results of their training, 8 out of 10 Practitioners rated the training as one of their lifes most rewarding experiences. This is a powerful statement from a group of highly educated graduates. 95% said it had improved their ability to reach career goals, and 90% said it had helped them cope with a particular challenge or problem. 100% in the study rated it as well worth the investment of time and money. Here are some of the reports from various settings: Educators A truly transforming experience. Learning is effortless. All aspects of the course thoroughly planned and

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delivered with excellence and flair. Trish Murfitt, Secondary school teacher, Auckland Ive had such good results with these techniques that students began coming to learn them out of class time. Im now involved in sharing the skills in training sessions with staff. Julie McCracken, teacher, Christchurch Health Professionals This was the integrating principle I had been searching for all my life. Dr Janine Bailey, GP, Nelson Life changing choices suitable to anyone in all walks of life. Mavis-Jean Beynon, Reg. Nurse, Christchurch NLP offers the modern medical practitioner a range of important skills for communication, essential for effective health care. Dr Susanna Kent, Emergency Medicine Registrar, Christchurch Public Hospital Managers and Salespeople I had spent 25 years in corporate life in the computer industry. After my NLP training I established what has proven to be a successful vocational rehabilitation business with 12 colleagues working for me in six different locations. I could not have achieved this success without the outstanding NLP strategies. Stu Macann, Manager, Wellington, New Zealand These skills are just too valuable to put a price on. Anthony Wightman, Medical sales rep., Wellington Sportspeople A big thanks for the NLP work we did before the Coast to Coast race. It totally turned my thinking around 180 degrees to a resolved and determined attitude. Race day was incredibly enjoyable and was just a breeze. Steve Gurney, top New Zealand triathlete, Christchurch Counsellors & Psychotherapists After the NLP training I feel confident in coping with many situations I previously was not confident with. Dr Azra Mulaomerovic, Psychiatrist, Sarajevo, Bosnia-Herzegovina Professionally my work has just taken off. What a gift it is to be able to remove a persons phobia, relieve a past trauma, halt an eating disorder, obliterate a sense of abandonment, enhance self-esteem, instil a sense of purpose in someones life, and much more. Jeff Saunders, Psychotherapist, Christchurch Summary None of the above studies are large enough to constitute scientific proof (with the possible exception of D. Cheeks 3000 unconscious patients giving hand signals). What they do is give us reason to research further, and grounds for using NLP in an experimental way. The situation remains only a little improved from the way Eric Einspruch and Bruce Foreman saw it in their 1985 review of research on NLP; Many skilled NLP Practitioners have a wealth of clinical data indicating that this model is highly effective. Clearly these Practitioners would provide a service to the field by presenting their data in the literature so they may be critically evaluated. Einspruch, E.L., and Forman, B.D., Observations Concerning Research Literature on Neuro-Linguistic Programming, in Journal of Counselling Psychology, Vol 32, 4, p589-596, 1985 Research On SPECIFYing Goals and The Secret Dr Richard Bolstad 2009 In developing NLP, we have studied hundreds of people who have achieved success in many fields through history, and the way they set goals is central to their success. The purpose of goal-setting is to motivate you to actually achieve what you want in life. It is not to motivate you to avoid problems, and it is not to distract you so you avoid thinking about the problems. It is to motivate you to act! Almost everyone believes that they use goals to some extent, but what is different about the way that the most successful change agents set goals? The answer is that they SPECIFY them. What does that mean? It means to make them: Sensory specific and timed Positive Ecological Choice increasing Initiated by you... with First step identified Your resources identified

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Outside of the field of NLP, most people understand the importance of goals, but not many of them actually use this SPECIFY process. Recently, there has been some dramatic new research about what enables goals to work. That is what this article is about. This research suggests that the two most common unsuccessful choices people make in goal-setting are: 1) Paying attention to what they dont want all the time, instead of what they do want. 2) Fantasising about having achieved what they want, instead of planning action. Unsuccessful Choice 1: Focus on the Problem. Focusing on problems and what we dont want is paying attention to the past. It feels very different to focusing on the goal, outcome or solution to those problems, and it has very different results. In 2000, Dr Denise Beike and Deirdre Slavik at the University of Arkansas conducted an interesting study of what they called counterfactual thoughts. These are thoughts about what has gone wrong, along with what they could have done differently. Dr. Beike enlisted two groups of University of Arkansas students to record their thoughts each day in a diary in order to "look at counterfactual thoughts as they occur in peoples day-to-day lives." In the first group, graduate students recorded their counterfactual thoughts, their mood, and their motivation to change their behavior as a result of their thoughts. After recording two thoughts per day for 14 days, the students reported that negative thoughts depressed their mood but increased their motivation to change their behavior. They believed that the negative thoughts were painful but would help them in the long term. To test out this hope, the researchers then enlisted a group of students to keep similar diaries for 21 days, to determine if any change in behavior would result from counterfactual thinking. Three weeks after completing their diaries the undergraduate students were asked to review their diary data and indicate whether their counterfactual thinking actually caused any change in behavior. "No self-perceived change in behavior was noted," Dr. Beike told Reuters Health. Counterfactual thoughts about negative events in everyday life cause us to feel that we "should have done better or more," Dr. Beike said. "These thoughts make us feel bad, which motivates us to sit around and to feel sorry for ourselves." So what does work? The study found that "credittaking thoughts, in which individuals reflect on success and congratulate themselves, serve to reinforce appropriate behavior and help people "feel more in control of themselves and their circumstances." (Slavik, 2003). Unsuccessful Choice 2: Fantasise About The Solution. Although focusing on the problem you have had does not lead to success, neither does merely fantasising about the future success. Lien Pham and Shelley Taylor at the University of California did a study where a group of students were asked to visualise themselves getting high grades in a mid-term exam that was coming up soon. They were taught to form clear visual images and imagine how good it will feel, and to repeat this for several minutes each day. A control group was also followed up, and the study times of each student as well as their grades in the exam were monitored. The group who were visualising should, according to proponents of The Secret DVD and the Law of Attraction, have a clear advantage. In fact, they did much less study, and consequently got much lower marks in the exam (Pham and Taylor, 1999). This result is very consistent. There are now a large number of research studies showing that The secret or The law of attraction (visualising your outcome and then letting go and trusting that the universe will provide it) impedes success. Gabrielle Oettingen at the University of Pennsylvania has done a number of studies showing the same result. In one study, women in a weight-reduction program were asked to describe what would happen if they were offered a tempting situation with food. The more positive their fantasies of how well they would cope with these situations, the less work they did on weight reduction. A year later, those women who consistently fantasised positive results lost on average 12 kilos less than those who anticipated negative challenges and thus put in more effort (Oettingen and Wadden, 1991). Oettingen followed up final year students to find out how much they fantasised getting their dream job after leaving university. The students who fantasised more reported two years later that they did less searching for jobs, had fewer offers of jobs, and had significantly smaller salaries than their classmates (Oettingen and Mayer, 2002). In another study, she investigated a group of students who had a secret romantic attraction, a crush, on another student. She asked them to imagine what would happen if they were to accidentally find themselves alone with that person. The more vivid and positive the fantasies they made, the less likely they were to take any action and to be any closer to a relationship with the person 5 months later. The result is consistent in career success, in love and attraction, and in dealing with addictions and health challenges (Oettingen, Pak and Schnetter, 2001; Oettingen, 2000; Oettingen and Gollwitzer, 2002).

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Richard Wiseman (2009, p 88-93) did a very large study showing the same result. He tracked 5000 people who had some significant goal they wanted to achieve (everything from starting a new relationship to beginning a new career, from stopping smoking to gaining a qualification. He followed people up over the next year, and found firstly that only 10% ever achieved their goal. Dramatic and consistent differences in the psychological techniques they used made those 10% stand out from the rest. Those who failed tended either to think about all the bad things that would happen or continue to happen if they did not reach their goal (what NLP calls away from motivation, and what other research calls counterfactual thought) or to fantasise about achieving their goal and how great life would be. They also tried to achieve their goal by willpower and attempts to suppress unhelpful thoughts. Finally, they spent time thinking about role models who had achieved their goal, often putting pictures of the role model on their fridge or other prominent places, to remind them to fantasise. These techniques did not work! And the most successful people did not waste their time doing them. Wiseman warns that visualising what it will be like to have achieved your goal has become a popular tactic. This type of exercise has been promoted by the self-help industry for years, with claims that it can help people lose weight, stop smoking, find their perfect partner, and enjoy increased career success. Unfortunately, a large body of research now suggests that although it might make you feel good, the technique is, at best, ineffective. (Wiseman, 2009, p 84). This is because, as Wiseman notes, whether you achieve your goals is primarily a question of motivation; of getting yourself to do certain things. Fantasising that everything has already been done reduces motivation. It is fantasising that you are doing and achieving things that works! (see Gen Rippingales article on rehearsal, in this issue of Trancescript) for more on this). Goal-setting - What Works? The complete inventory of successful strategies that Richard Wisemans research found fits neatly into our NLPbased SPECIFY model. Sensory Specific: Firstly, the most successful people did imagine achieving their goal, and were able to list concrete, specific benefits they would get from it, rather than just say that they would feel happy. They had what Wiseman calls an objective checklist of benefits and made these as concrete as possible, often by writing them down. He notes although many people said they aimed to enjoy life more, it was the successful people who explained how they intended to spend two evenings each week with friends and visit one new country each year. (Wiseman, 2009, p 91- 93) Positive: Secondly, they described their goal positively. Wiseman says For example, when asked to list the benefits of getting a new job, successful participants might reflect on finding more fulfilling and well-paid employment, whereas their unsuccessful counterparts might focus on a failure leaving them trapped and unhappy. (Wiseman, 2009, p 92) Ecological: Heres a surprising result of the research by both Gabriellle Oettingen and Richard Wiseman. After thinking about the positive benefits of achieving their goal, the most successful participants would spend another few moments reflecting on the type of barriers and problems they are likely to encounter if they attempt to fulfil their ambition. focusing on what they would do if they encountered the difficulty. (Wiseman, 2009, p 101) Oettingen trained people to do this process, which she calls doublethink and was able to increase their success dramatically just with this step. Choice Increasing: Related to this NLP concept is the fact that successful goal setters made sure that they felt as if their progress was bringing them rewards rather than limiting their choices and creating work. They achieved this largely through the following: As part of their planning, successful participants ensured that each of their sub-goals had a reward attached to it so that it gave them something to look forward to and provided a sense of achievement. (Wiseman, 2009, p 93) Initiated by Self: Successful goal setters have a plan. They do not leave their goal up to the law of attraction or to someone else who will save them. Wiseman notes Whereas successful and unsuccessful participants might have stated that their aim was to find a new job, it was the successful people who quickly went on to describe how they intended to rewrite their CV in week one, and then apply for one new job every two weeks for the next six months. (Wiseman, 2009, p 91) First Step Identified: Wiseman found that it was particularly important to break the goal down into small steps and manage one step at a time. Successful participants broke their overall goal into a series of sub-goals, and thereby created a step-by-step process that helped remove the fear and hesitation often associated with trying to achieve a major life change. (Wiseman, 2009, p 90-91) Your Resources Identified: In NLP, we list both internal and external resources here. Wisemans research studied only external resources, most especially friends, colleagues and family. Successful participants were far

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more likely than others to tell their friends, family and colleagues about their goals. Telling others about your aims helps you achieve them, in part, because friends and family often provide much needed support when the going gets tough. (Wiseman, 2009, p 91) Deciding Which Goal To Choose Another important issue comes up whenever people set goals, and whenever they make decisions to purchase something. It is related to what NLP calls a convincer metaprogram, a personality trait that determines how easily people make decisions. In research, the two extremes of metaprogram (personality trait) are called maximisers and satisficers. Richard Wiseman explains: Extreme maximisers tend to check all available options constantly to make sure they have picked the best one. In contrast extreme satisficers only look until they have found something that fulfils their needs. The result, from research, is that maximisers actually do get better quality and more for their money, but they cannot turn off their maximising, so they are never satisfied. In one study, 500 students from 11 universities were categorised as either maximisers or satisficers, and then followed up as they sought employment. The maximisers got jobs earning them 20% more money, but they were less satisfied with their jobs and more prone to regret, pessimism and anxiety. (Monterosso et alia, 2002). Wiseman recommends that if you are a maximiser, you may want to set limits around each major decision, so that you know when to let go of the decision. Bibliography: Monterosso, S., Lyubomirsky, K., White, K. and Lehman, D.R. Maximising Versus Satisficing: Happiness Is A Matter Of Choice p 1178-1197 in Personality and Social Psychology, No 83 (5), 2002 Zeigarnik, A.V. ber das behalten von erledigten und unerledigten Handlungen (The retention of completed and uncompleted actions) p 1-85 in Psychologische Forschung, No. 9, 1927 Pham, L.B. and Taylor, S.E. From Thought to Action: Effects of Process Versus Outcome Based Mental Simulations on Performance. P 250-260 in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, No. 25, 1999 Oettingen, G. Pak, H. and Schnetter, K. Self-Regulation of Goal-setting: Turning Free Fantasies About the Future Into Binding Goals p 736-753 in Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, No 80, 2001 Oettingen, G. and Mayer, D. The Motivating Function of Thinking About The Future: Expectations Versus Fantasies p 1198-1212 in Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, No. 83, 2002 Oettingen, G. and Gollwitzer, P.M. Self-Regulation of Goal Pursuit: Turning Hope Thoughts into Behaviour p 304-307 in Psychological Inquirer, No 13, 2002 Oettingen, G. Expectancy Effects on Behaviour Depend on Self-Regulatory Thought p 101-129 in Social Cognition, No. 18, 2000 Oettingen, G. and Wadden, T.A. Expectation, Fantasy, and Weight Loss: Is The Impact of Positive Thinking Aways Positive? p 167-175 in Cognitive Therapy and Research, No. 15, 1991 Slavik, D.J. Keeping your eyes on the prize: outcome versus process focused social comparisons and counterfactual thinking Thesis (Ph. D.), University of Arkansas, Fayetteville, 2003 Wiseman, R., 59 Seconds: Think A Little, Change A Lot, Macmillan, London, 2009 Inner Smile Script 1. This Chi Kung exercise is usually done sitting on a chair. Sit on the edge of the chair with your feet flat on the floor. Your back needs to be straight but relaxed; an effect which you'll get by imagining that your head is suspended by a cord from the crown up to the ceiling. Close your eyes and gently press your tongue against the top of your mouth. Clasp your hands together gently. 2. Remember a time that you can feel comfortable recalling, when you felt caring or loving. Perhaps a time when you were caring for a plant, or an animal, or for a child. Imagine that you can see this time, and the gentle smile of caring it brings, as a picture about three feet in front of your eyes. Allow your forehead to relax, and draw the energy of caring into the place between your eyes. Experience it as a limitless source of caring energy flowing to this place, and from there flooding through your body as a smile. 3. Allow the smiling energy to flow across your face, relaxing it. Smile into the neck and throat, through the thyroid and parathyroid glands, which control your metabolic rate and keep your bone tissue balanced. Smile down to the thymus gland in the upper central chest area; the gland which co-ordinates your immune system. From there spread the smile back to the heart, allowing it to relax and blossom in a shining red light, transforming hastiness and irritation to joy and love. Flow the smile out on each side to the lungs, filling them

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with white light, transforming sadness and grief into the ability to discriminate whats right for you, and enhancing their ability to take in energy from the air.On the right, flow the smile down through the liver, filling it with leaf green light, enhancing its hundreds of cleaning and organising functions, and transforming resentment and anger into an assertive kindness to yourself and others. On the left flow the smile through the pancreas, which assists in digestion and regulation of blood sugar. The far left is the position of the spleen which forms and stores blood cells, and here rigidity and stuck thinking are transformed to openness. Fill the pancreas and spleen with yellow light. On each side the smile now flows to the back at waist level, flooding through the kidneys which filter the blood, and the adrenal glands atop them which give your body the energy burst of adrenalin. As these glands relax, fill the kidneys with dark blue light, and feel fear transformed into a gentleness. Finally, flow the smiling energy down through the urinary bladder, and through the sexual organs, including the glands (ovaries or testes) which balance the cycles of your life. Conclude by flowing the smile to a place just below the navel and a couple of centimetres in from the front. Feel the energy spiral into this centre, called Dan Tien in China, as a storage for the day. As you flow this smile, check for the "feeling" that each organ is smiling back. Take the time it needs to allow this to happen. 4. Draw the smile again into the place between your eyes. This second time, flow the smile down your nose and mouth into the digestive tract; swallowing as you do, and imagining that the saliva you swallow is also full of smiling energy. Smile through the stomach, just below the ribs, and through the intestines. Having flowed the smile down through the whole digestive system, draw the energy back to the Dan Tien centre below the navel. 5. The third time, draw the smile into the centre between your eyes (actually called "upper Dan Tien") and circle your eyes nine times clockwise (as if watching a speeded up clock face right in front of your eyes) and nine times counter-clockwise. Draw the smile back through the brain itself, smiling deep into the brain tissue, where the glands which co-ordinate your entire hormonal system reside. Flow the smile down the spinal column, and through the neurons (nerve cells) out to every part of the body. As you continue to draw the smile into your body from an infinite source of love and healing, imagine the smile flowing out from your body into the air around you, and across the entire room. The smile, remaining infinite, flows out beyond the room across the whole area, across the whole country, into the oceans and across the continents, until the entire planet is filled with the smile. As the smile continues to expand, just check back in your body in the room. Check if there is anywhere in your body where there was an excess of energy (perhaps an area where there was some tension -just an indication of energy not flowing on easily yet) and draw the energy back to lower Dan Tien, feeling it spiral in there as a store for the day.

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Keys to Success: Dr Richard Bolstad

Transcribed by Melody Taylor, Edited by Richard Bolstad This Version Transformations International Consulting & Training Original CD/MP3 Set and Trainings available from www.transformations.net.nz Keys to Success CD 1A. Nau mai, haere mai, which is to say welcome, welcome to this group, haere mai ki tenei ropu, haere mai ki tenei whare, welcome to this place. And I'm Richard and this is first of all the Keys to Success, which is an introductory weekend. And secondly the Strategies of Success which is the first half of the NLP Practitioner training. So the NLP Practitioner training is an international certification. And this first two days and this first week is part of that, so what youre actually getting is either a glimpse of the international course or the whole course. We are going to be doing some of the things that are my main hobby over this weekend and I'll be introducing you to NLP, but I think a lot more than that. NLP is a little hard to explain and so I'm going to explain it mostly by getting you to do some things. NLP is sometimes called the study of success, which means is the study of how people achieve the things they achieve. And I like to think that on the Keys to Success we're not just learning about success but also about something that there's only been research about out in the last few years ...and that is Happiness. So just to explain those two things, so if I define NLP as being about happiness and success then it's useful to know what those two things are as well. So what I mean by success is 'getting what you want', right...and what I mean by happiness is 'wanting what you get...so that's a little different...so they overlap. And we have a reasonable amount of research showing that when people are (it especially goes one way) when people are happy then they are more successful but not everyone who is successful is happy...and that's an important thing. Like I don't know if you noticed, but on the way here today none of you would have been preoccupied with where your food for the day would come from or whether youre going to get shot at. And this is an extraordinary thing in history to know, to know for sure that your going to have enough food and that your not going to get shot at. It's not common in the history of this world. And I don't know if you've thought about that recently but it's an extraordinary life that you live if you get to come to one of these trainings...not about the trainings you understand, it's just living here and so on. And so there are many, many things that are going to happen today that don't happen for most of the people living on this planet today. You're going to eat and be in a place that's comfortable to be in...we do actually have a heating system...I know some of you come from different places, if you come from Christchurch which is where I first came from that's where then of course it's sweltering up here but if you came from some parts of the world well then it's kind of a cool day. So ah...so what I mean by happiness has a lot to do with gratitude, like feeling grateful for what's here. So, over this weekend though we're also going to learn about this thing success ...which is there are some people who are just really good at getting the results they want. And over the last few years for the very first time we have very thorough research about how this happens. Now when I first started teaching which was um let's... say a few decades ago, then what 32

actually I noticed was that I was teaching things that seemed to work but there wasn't a lot of research about it. Its kind of like We know it works in practice, but does it work in theory? Now one of the main things that I teach is relationship stuff...you know...how to have a loving relationship with someone else, how to get along with the people that you work with, how to not to end up in the situation like Chechnya or Bosnia in the 1990's. And one of the things that's really important about that is this feeling of trust and mutual cooperation between people. But it's only in the last ten to fifteen years we have good research about how that happens and how it doesn't happen. One of the guys who has researched this and I'll mention his name a little over this weekend is a guy named John Gottman. And John Gottman mainly studies close relationships, marriages and intimate partnerships. And what he does...(it sounds a bit weird) he gets two people who are living together to stay in one of his apartments for about three days and he video tapes them 24 hrs a day. And then he not only studies the video tapes...he also follows them up for 12 years. And what he learned after the first couple of decades of doing that is that he can predict whether the people will be together at the end of the 12 years from any 5min of them talking together. So in 5 minutes of video them talking together he can predict with 96% certainty will this couple will be together or not at the end the next decade. And he can predict with 80% certainty which year they will split up. Now that's real precision and that wasn't available when I started teaching this. And I'm going to show you on this weekend how he does that stuff. Does this sound interesting in itself?See we don't have to guess about this thing...like JG has studied 100's or even 1000's of couples...we don't have to guess. And so, in the same way I want to show you how people achieve success when they achieve goals that actually work...instead of just having goals. From the research there was a large study done in just the last couple of years, about goal-setting, and Richard Wiseman, a psychologist, followed up 5000 people who had major goals. So this is and most of the things Im teaching you Ill base on research that comes from way outside the field of NLP from the main field of Psychology so following up 5000 people whove got big goals in their life, and finding out what happens over the next year; do they achieve their goals and how do they achieve them? And heres one of the interesting things: only 10% of the 5000 people actually achieved their goal. So most people just dont get what they want. They dont know how to, because there's a huge difference between what the people who achieve their goals do and what the people who don't achieve. So if we study those who achieved their goals.. and this is what NLP is about...we can find out exactly what they did and then teach it to the other 90%. That's what I'm doing this weekend. So I'm going to tell you that on this weekend I'm going to teach you how to set goals...and every single one of you knows how to set goals, I mean that just sounds stupid, but I'm going to show you how the 10% do it. I'm going to show you how to set goals so theyre pretty much guaranteed to work. And there are 2 main things that the people who achieved their goals didn't do...and one of the things the people who got their goals didn't do was they didn't think a lot about the problems that they've got already...so, you probably knew that already, but they didn't think gee I hope it doesn't carry on being the way it is, and things have been so bad in my life...they didn't spend much time doing that at all. And those people who did...did not achieve their goal. And even though they thought that the more they thought about how bad it was because they thought that was going to help them, you know like it was going to motivate them like if I think about how awful it is it'll really 33

get me going and all it did was get them depressed. So that doesn't work, it simply doesn't work there's no point wasting your time with it. If you want to achieve things there's one other thing that doesn't work, the biggest other thing that people who didn't achieve their goals did (and this may surprise you) is they fantasized about having had their goal. And they spent a lot of time each day about how cool it's going to be...and the more they fantasized...the less they did. That's really important to know because there's some DVD's going around in the last couple of years saying that if you fantasize about your goal, wow then the universe will give it to you...just like that. Its like a genie. And actually the research shows the exact opposite...it shows the more you fantasize the less likely you are to get it. That's really important to know. So what's the difference...there must be some truth in the (has anybody heard about The Secret)? How many people have heard about The Secret DVD by the way? Ok so you must know there's going to be a bit of an overlap between that and what your going to learn here and um because I already said that I'm going to show you how not to think about the problem and to think about what you want. But I also want to show you how not to get caught up in fantasizing. Because you know people (not yourself) you know other people who have had problems because they just wish all the time. They fantasize how wonderful it will be to achieve their goal. And so what we find in the research is, the more people do that, the more they imagine that maybe it's just going to happen magically the more they just don't do anything. That's what happens in the research rather than in the video. So there are some things that's worth you knowing about how some of the most successful people in the world do things. And I'm going to show you how to achieve goals, how to build what I would call rapport, that feeling in a relationship of trust, I'm going to show you some things about learning, how to learn things quickly and efficiently, I'll show you for example a process that will take approximately 5 minute, maybe less than that, maybe 1 minute, from the research, how you can (unless of course your using it already) increase your memory by 61%...and it'll take less than 5 minutes. As long as I can remember how to do it.I'll show you it. What I'm going to show you here is the structure of how people change rapidly as well. Because some people have the idea that well if Im not good at learning already then I'm probably never really going to be good at it and I've just got to cope with that. Teachers at school told me, well do the best you can but we don't hope too high. So actually that's not true...the truth is whatever you really want to learn to do better, you can just go ahead and learn it...you just go out and find people who can do it and you can learn how to do it. So I'm going to show you how to change very quickly. I'm going to show you the core ideas that makes all of this possible...I'm going to show you the core of NLP on this weekend. I'm going to show you the thing that NLP is most famous for which is how to use the different sensory systems in the brain. I'm going to show you how the most successful people use their brain and how they use very specific areas of the brain. Because the brain is not all one thing, it's got several different kinds of modules or different languages we might say. That's why it's called Neuro Linguistic Programming...Neuro means the brain...Linguistic = languages...Neuro Linguistic means languages of the brain...Programming means = you get to run the show. So, in doing that, what really successful people do is they get themselves in the state of mind that they want...see you can go to endless trainings and learn new skills and one of the things that people notice is (cause I train in a lot of places and I mean not just a lot of places around the world: Asia, Europe, the Americas and here in Australasia of course) and one of the things that people tell me a lot is went to this training and I learned these fantastic skills but the times when I need them the most is when I'm least able to use them 34

because I'm really annoyed and distressed you know. And at those times I'm not in the state of mind where I can use the damn stuff, I can hardly remember what it was. So if you don't know how to change your state very quickly you don't get to use what you learn and I want to show you how you can do that. How to get confident when you want to be confident, how to relax...see a lot of the people that I teach are managers of government organizations here in NZ large corporations here and in Japan and so I do a lot of that sort of teaching, and one of the things that I notice is that the most successful managers are able to change state their state of mind very quickly. So they go into one meeting and their motivating a team of people and their dynamic and enthusiastic and then they go into another situation and very quickly they're talking to someone about a personal issue so they calm down and they're very understanding and supportive. Then they go into another situation and they've got to be creative and there thinking up new ideas, like how do we deal with this economic situation, what kinds of things could we do that would make a resource out of this situation we've got ourselves in. So they change quickly from one thing to another and I'm going to show you how they do that. Now I'm hoping that this sounds like something you'd be interested in. Because it's my hobby, so it would be a lot of fun if I could do this with you. Another thing is we tried to warn you that this was going to happen on the advertising, so if youre here...that ought to be why your here. If you were just wandering around Wellington and noticed that the door was open...boy is this going to surprise you. So the 1st thing is there's people from lots of different places here, some are from NZ, some have come to NZ for this and they come from different backgrounds so and of course some of the people here are managers, there will be people here who are education people who are teachers/trainers. There will be people here who are medical practitioners. I have a variety of trainings myself: I manage a company of course, I'm a trained teacher and I'm a trained nurse, I have a health professional background. And I started of being interested in how peoples body's work and then I noticed how your brain has a lot to do with how your body works. And then I got kinda interested in...There's so much research about how your brain works and hardly anyone is using it yet. You know what it's like when you get a users manual, like maybe it came with one of those DVD recorders or something like that and it's got a users manual and it's got million different functions. Or what about cell phones, you've got a cell phone probably and it's got all these fancy functions, and you don't use of them at the most. If you use of them then you think your pretty cool right? I mean cause you worked out how to use of the stuff on the phone and mostly people just answer it when it rings and try to figure out how to turn it off when they're finished ya know... See that's ok when it's a cell phone cause after a few years youre going to get a new one but with your brain your kind of going to be with it for a while so you really do want to use the users manual. Now as a heath professional it kind of intrigued me that you could show someone for example how to get rid of an allergy in 5 min. See it's just a matter of knowing where it works in the brain. And that's interesting isn't it? Like what people do is....[ah we haven't started yet but I'm just telling you where we're going.] See what people do is, they come to me with as if they've got a watch...are you old enough to remember digital watches when they 1st came out? By golly I sure do, see they looked like this, they all had a face like this and when you get them they would kind of flash 12:00...so it's like someone comes to me with one of these watches and says My watch is broken, and I say Well have you got the users manual? And they 35

say It's no point looking at the users manual cause look it's broken, look it flashes 12:00 all day and it's only supposed to do that twice a day. And I say No look it's working perfectly but you do need to know...see here on the side it's got buttons and you need to know when to press them. And they say Please don't patronize me. This watch didn't just break now, it's been flashing 1200 for a very long time and you can't change it in 5minutes. And I say Yeah but you see if you know where the buttons are... And they say This watch came out of the factory flashing 1200...you think you can just press a button and it will change? You know like it's pre programmed and it's broken. And I say No Really... and they say Look I'm not going to discuss this with you, I've talked to an expert about this and they said that this is one of a long line of watches that have been coming out of the factory and they've been coming out of the factory flashing 12:00...so it's broken you see. Now you know it's not broken, it works perfectly it's meant to flash 12:00 and of course whats happening is their just not using it. That's why on this weekend it's the start of a users manual but for your brain. See one of the things about your brain is...it doesn't always [I know you do] but your brain doesn't know the difference between what's real and whats imagined. See I come from Auckland, I live in Auckland now and my partner and I have a lemon tree and ah I just tried one of the lemons from it the other day. And lemon trees have lemons on them quite a lot of the year in Auckland anyway and there's a time, a certain time in the year when they're really ripe and they look really shiny kind like they've been waxed or something ah it's awesome...and anyway we had this lemon and when you cut into it the juice kind of sprays out in a fine mist...have you ever done this? And it's got this intense lemon smell. Wow it's intense and then if you cut into it again and you take off a slice of it and you put it in your mouth and you bite down on it...it squirts to the back of your tongue, mmm it's so intense, it's so much more intense than those ones that you buy at the shop and it's really really intense right on the back of your tongue there that you get that taste. Now I've just been talking about a lemon for 30 seconds...there's no lemon here right? But your mouth is watering and the reason why your mouth is watering is because your brain was listening about the lemon and it doesn't know the difference. Your brain mostly is quite happy to imagine the lemon, pretend it's there and know at the same time that it can't be there because there's nothing here. Are you starting to see the importance of this? You see it's meant to do that but if someone comes to me and they say Look I've got a medical problem..my mouth keeps watering. And I say well, lets find out what you been think about. And they say What do mean you want to know what I think about... What's that got to do with my mouth? Can you give me some pills that will fix my mouth? And I say No no let's have a check here at what you think about? And they say Lemons...so what! See their brain is working perfectly, your mouth is meant to water if you sit there thinking about lemons all day. You only have to do it for 30 seconds and it starts. See some people come to me and they say I'm not sure if this NLP is going to work on me because my Dr. says I've got a clinical condition...and the balance of chemicals in my body is wrong. And I say well thats going to take us 30 seconds longer right there. I'm going to have to charge you extra for that. Because it only takes 30 seconds to change the chemicals in your body...right? And it doesn't really matter that it's set to make you dribble or not...it depends on what happens next. This is 36

really important to know. So when I was in Bosnia I talked to people who were having nightmares and panic attacks and so I ask them What do you think about all day? And they say ...the war...the worst pieces...people being blown to bits around me...stuff like that. Well this means that their brains working perfectly. See what people do is...once they decide to see someone and fix this and if they go to a psychotherapist (I'm trained as a psychotherapist myself) so I think its ok to say this...and the therapist, what they sometimes do is they kind of help them to re-experience it...in the hope that they'll understand it. And people somehow get the idea that they can think about horrible experiences and they'll feel better. This is nuts...because if you think about a lemon and your mouth doesn't water...there's something wrong. It's meant to water... this is how you digest stuff. So if you think about the war..it's not meant to feel good. The happy people in the world are not the people who go around thinking about all the horrible stuff that happened and still smiling. Those people they lock away ...that's just nuts! This is really important to know because people over the last 100 years or so people have been confused about this. They think you should be able to think about all the worst stuff that's happened and still be happy! And that that would be a test to of whether you've healed it, resolved it. Thats a test to see if you've broken the system.. When people are happy they think about the enjoyable things... and they let go of the other stuff. So what I want to do is show you how to run your brain the way happy people do and how to run your brain the way successful people do. This is going to be useful for you if you have an interest in the body and medicine and things...And it's going to be useful if you have an interest in learning. It's going to be useful if you've got an interest in people, management, teams, things like that. Now what I'm going to do next is to get you to find someone who has come here for a different purpose than you. That'll be anyone in the room by the way. And youre going to find out 2 things from that person a) name b) purpose for being here. Now I have a friend in Christchurch and he has an answer-phone, and when you phone him up it says Who are you and what do you want? Most people spend their whole life answering these questions, and you will have thirty seconds after the beep. And so thats what I want you to do here; just the thirty second version, not the whole life story. Be quick. Next part: after meeting 3 people chances are youcan you remember the name of one person in this group. Now if you remembered one name easier than the others, that's very Interesting. Like how did that happen? Was it the first person that you talked to? Did you repeat their name a few times? Because if you can learn one name then you can learn all the rest of the names right? You just repeat the same process for learning the others that you used for the first one. Because part of how you learn things is to repeat them...your brain goes aah we better remember this one if it happens again. This is an important thing to know! Another really important thing for you to know is that maybe you have a very specific way of remembering someones name. Like you think...ah I know someone who's got that name or I saw a movie with somebody who had the same name...See how this happens...so if you want to remember someones name you just need to think of some other person who's got the same 37

name...right? And then remember it that way. Some people remember names because the name sounds like the right name for the person. They say you know it just clicked, it just sounded like the kind of name they would have. And so once you know how to do that, then you listen carefully when people say their name, for the sound of it, to check that it sounds like ...Some people say...it just felt right you know like this person just feels like a Richard or a John...so if you know that you do it that way then... pay attention to how it feels when you meet someone and learn their name. People do it in different ways and it's really interesting to find that out. So what were going to do before you sit down is I want to show you a little bit; you know I said when I show you what NLP is and I explain to you what we are going to do over this week, its mostly easy for me to explain it by getting you to do some stuff. And what I want to do now is very briefly do something with you that makes sense of all those things I was talking about. So can you move so that you have a bit of space around you, so you want to be somewhere in the room where you have some space behind you as well as in front of you. Now I know some of you will have done this exercise; were going to do a very simple thing. Through this exercise you need to keep your feet in the same place. (Theyre on the end of your legs there just checking, I know). And, now Im going to get you in a moment to take your left hand now this is my right hand, I do know what Im doing but Im going to get you to take your left hand and to turn around like this. Now, I said before that Im trained as a nurse, but Im not planning to do any nursing here today, so Id like you to be careful when you turn around. If theres someones head in the way then just move up over their head is the best way. Dont try and go under it because never mind. So anyway, and also be careful of yourself, and just go round to where it gets tight. When it gets tight, see where your arm is pointed, see where youre pointing on the wall, and then, remembering where that is, come back to the front. OK, so lift up your left hand, turn around to where it gets tight, see what youre pointing at when its tightened, and remember that place, and then come back to the front. Now, Im going to ask you now to do something very simple. Id like you to imagine something. See when I tell people that Im trained as a psychotherapist often people say Ha, so you help people to stop imagining things? and well, I used to do that but it got boring, so mostly what I do is I help people to imagine more things, but more interesting things. So Id like you to imagine that when you turned around your hand went about 10 centimetres further; is that easy enough? So then youd be pointing at a slightly different place on the wall. Now if you can imagine 10 then you can imagine 30 centimetres further; for people in the place in the world and the time where I grew up thats about one foot. And so imagine that you went around and you went around 30 centimetres further and it was easy, and your body just flowed around. Imagine what that would feel like, and now youre seeing a completely different place on the wall, and youd hear everyone else moving further of course and I dont know what youd be saying to yourself. You might be surprised, you might say Ah, I thought hed be doing something like that. And if you can imagine 30 you can imagine 50. Right. Imagine when you turned around you went 50 centimetres further and it was easy; your body just flowed around and now youre looking at a completely different place. And now you might even be hearing other people going Wow stuff like that. Can you imagine that. So now Id like you to take that same hand and find out how far you go NOW. (laughs) Thats right! Now, can I just check first of all; how many people went further? Now this is very interesting not just because you went further, because of course we could have done that with some exercise. But whats interesting is it was easy it was easy to go past the place where it got 38

tight the first time. And of course this is important because a lot of the people I work with if Im teaching managers, if Im teaching sportspeople, one of the people I can talk about because hes now an NLP trainer is Steve Gurney and he is a New Zealand sportsperson, and hes written a book Lucky Legs partly about our work together and what he was doing is when he was 40 years old, he was racing against people who were 20 years old and winning. Now thats very interesting because theres no way he could build up his body to be as fit as a 20 year olds so his advantage came from somewhere else. And so what it came from is that he was incredibly good at doing this stuff where you get your body and your brain to function together, which is this is the secret the way they were meant to. And so by doing that he would get this competitive edge. Now if I showed him how to work harder that would be crazy because sports people they really push; some of you are sportspeople probably and you know that theyre really pushing themselves already. Its no use me showing them how to work harder. I need to show them how to work easier and get better results. Thats what I want to show you and thats what you did with that pointing exercise. Now, of course when I got you to go around I told you a couple of things to imagine. I said Imagine what youd see. and when I got you to imagine what you'd see... the visual area at the back of the brain is active. The Visual area is where you make pictures in your brain, so that area was lighting up when I had you make pictures in your brain. And then at the top here is the kinesthetic area which is where you feel body sensations and do movement stuff so when I had you imagine feeling like it flowed easily... the kinesthetic part up here at the top of your brain lights up...in order to understand what I'm saying. And on the side here is an Auditory area which is where when I had you imagine hearing people moving or saying things...this area lights up. Ok now here's the 3 areas and they're all connected Now there's an area where you talk to yourself...by the way it's ok to talk to yourself...it's actually ok to answer back as well and a we've done the research and it's only when someone is having a long standing unresolved argument that it's a problem...and then they need couples counselling. So what I did anyway was I had you activate several areas in the brain and so whats happening is it's like switching on all the engines. And so if you were trying to get some result with only a little part of your brain working then of course you don't get the same effect...it would be like trying to run an airplane with only one of the engines going. So when we switch on all the engines a lot more is possible. And of course you have certain goals in your life, certain things you'd like to achieve...now my question to you is...When you think about those goals do you think about them in this way? Do you make pictures of achieving it? Do you talk to yourself about what it's going to be like? Do you feel what it will feel like to get there? And not just to be there but to actually get there to flow easily there. Not just fantasizing about being there ...Do you get the difference between the two? That's real important it turns out from the research. Not just to imagine being there because people who do that, just sit home and imagine it. But to imagine getting there which means doing the things... wow it's going to be so cool and I'm just going to flow around to that goal. And do you even hear the things you would hear if you were to achieve that? Because to the extent that you do that is the extent you'll reach goals. And of course most of you will have an idea how long for example that you're going to live a long and healthy life. You know you'll 39

think well in my family, my mom lived to __ my grandparents lived to__ And so you've got a kind of a date possibly but why not move it on 10 years further on? You just have to imagine doing the stuff that will get you 10 years further along. You know, like you keep yourself moving and you do some kind of exercise that keeps your flexibility...and you eat the kind of foods that help you keep going and so on. So what we're going to do on this training is...a few things I've found that make it work more effectively and one of them is to have permission to be learning stuff. Now that means, you know those people you were talking to before...it means...you don't have to remember their names..you can ask them again. It means it's ok not to know some things...thats what learning is ok means alright? If learning is ok then it's ok to check. And that's how your brain actually learns things so when people are very good at learning things, they are very good at allowing themselves to check things. And theyre very good at allowing themselves to make mistakes. Mistakes is how you get feedback. Theres a piece of research published just 2 weeks ago showing that when people make mistakes when theyre learning...they learn better and faster. So we know when people are making mistakes while their learning, they learn faster. I'm a parent and a grandparent and when my son and I were first learning one new skill; Ice Skating. He was seven years old and so I'd never done it before...so I took us to this ice skating rink and they put these things on our feet...It's hard to believe youre on this tiny piece of metal...can you imagine the craziness of this thing and youre supposed to stand up...well you know I could only just do that and so luckily around the sides of the rink there was a kind of a hand rail, so I went to the hand rail and went around like that. Now my son...he had a whole different learning style...he just kind of ran into the centre and then he fell over...he laughed and got up and ran again and fell over laughed and got up. So about an hour later he was ice skating, he could swirl around and he could do the whole thing...and I was getting a little faster around the edge there. So the difference is he allowed himself to make mistakes. Now I must say in my defense..he only had the distance to fall than me and I had a lot more to lose if I made that same mistake but allowing yourself to make mistakes is how you learn quicker. No mistakes=slow learning. So thats what I mean by Learning is OK. The other side of it is the how far you fall thing... so to protect your safety you'll notice that if you imagine something you get different results, not in 10 years or a year of therapy or something but very, very quick. And so knowing that, you'll need to be a little careful about how you do these things. I mentioned to you before we have this 5 minute allergy cure process...and it really is a party trick you know like sometimes when I tell people well we have this really quick process for curing phobias and stuff and if you read in the books they say it takes about 5-10 minutes and that's a bit of an exaggeration...I found when I was working in Bosnia and near Chechnya they have some really good phobias and it would usually take us about 20 minutes. So we've got to be a little careful not to exaggerate these things. But with the allergy cure it is only 5 minutes. And so ah you know there I am at a party and someone will say What do you do? And I'll say NLP and they'll say can you show us some of that? And I'll say yeah let me show you this party trick...got an allergy? One time I had this client and she said I read about this allergy cure in a book and I used to have an allergy to milk and now I've got an allergy to milk and to soy milk. And it's because she read through the allergy process and at one point it says to think of something similar to the thing you have an allergy of and she thought I like this step better here and she swapped the steps around and instead of getting rid of her first allergy...she added another one. So really, what I 40

mean by the safety thing is...When I give you an exercise to do...you need to do it pretty much like in the manual there or in the notes I gave you for this weekend. So that is really quite important, to do things pretty much as you can in the way that they're described there, because we know that way works. The time to be inventive and creative is when you've done it a few times. So the timing thing is useful to know as well and we're going to start at 10;00am each day and lunch will be from 1.30 to 2.30 and there'll be a break way through the morning and way through the afternoon and we will finish at 6 each day. And I will start at 10am each day so if you have to arrive later well just know that we will have started. And if you were here at 10 this morning...you'll know that some of the most interesting stuff is said right at the beginning so you would be missing out. Now this is a training where people are going to be thinking about how do you get results in your life and I've already told you from the research we can reliably predict from any 5 minutes of conversation in a couple...we can reliably predict with 96% accuracy if they're going to be together in 10 years or 12 years and 80% we can predict what year they are going to split up (if they are going to). What that means is your going to be learning things that will enhance your relationships...so I'll show you how to do something different in each of those 5 minutes. One of the things by the way, it turns out that in relationships that are going to survive...they say positive things to each other..like how was your day and thank you for doing such n such...they say more positive stuff to each other. Like not gee youre the most amazing person in the world but just the simple stuff...and actually as it turns out they say about 100 more words like that per day...which takes about 30 seconds at this speed of talking. It's a hell of an investment but you know but what are you going to do if you want the thing to survive you know I guess you just gotta put in the time. So yeah it takes about 30 seconds per day extra...to make it work. If we're going to talk about things like that though, someone might want to say something like hey this happens with my boss and I and that happens with my friend and I etc...and usually people don't tell you personal information like that in a large group yeah? You don't usually walk up to a stranger on the street and say excuse me I've got this challenge with communicating with my father and ah...so if somebody does it here then you need to remember ah ok they're doing it because it's here and it's kinda like talking to a friend. So if it's like talking to a close friend...with close friends you have a sort of an understanding that if they tell you something about personal information...you won't go out and pass it on...you'll check with them...otherwise they wouldn't be your friend for long. So, thats called confidentiality in fancy terms. So what I mean by that is treat the people here the same way you treat any good friend and if they tell you some personal information then respect that they just told you and you even need to check with them before you mention it a group here and certainly before you mention it somewhere else. Now what I find is that if people follow these 4 things..then we have a lot more fun and it works better. So I guess there's some other things that's useful to know like it's good to keep your cell phone on silent.. is it on silent? So turn to the person beside you and check...is there anything else I need like that...that you wanted clarified or that it's important for you to have added to this list so that you can relax and enjoy learning. Just turn to the person beside you and check...Is that clear? Is there anything else we'd need to add. So, we're going to be learning somethings about NLP and I want to explain a little more about what NLP is...Now in your notes and I'm going to be using the notes in this blue folder 41

and the stuff that says NLP The Key's to Success...and right here on page 2 is the first thing where you know I haven't written everything in the notes and. And look down the page and you'll see I missed out some really important bits... and if you could just fill in these parts...So the Neuro part ... means the brain...but I forgot to add these parts so if you could just add Linguistic refers to language and Programming just refers to change. NLP started being developed in the 1970's when everyone thought programming was totally a cool word because it was new you know. So the language part refers most of all to the languages of the brain. And there are several different areas of the brain that understand different things as I mentioned when I drew that diagram before so there's the visual area, the auditory area, the kinesthetic area and then there's the area where you have speech. And the area where you actually construct speech is on a specific side of the brain...I'm right handed so it's on the left side of my brain mostly. And some of you will know that if someone has a stroke on the left side of the brain in that area then it can affect their speech. So it's a very specific area that handles speech. And thats another whole language apart from kinesthetic, visual and auditory. And of course a little deeper in the brain there are some languages taste and smell...taste has a fancy name as well; gustatory and smell; olfactory. So the languages of the brain: the winners are visual, auditory, kinesthetic, olfactory which is smell, gustatory which is taste and speech which for some reason or other we call auditory digital. So thats the 6 languages. And what happens is every experience you have is translated in your brain into these 6 senses. So of course there's much more happening in the world than these 6 senses, like bats can fly around a room using their entirely different sense by detecting the echo's and dolphins and whales use the same kind of sense. So there's all sorts of other possible pieces of information around us but our human brain translates everything into these sensory systems. So every experience when you think about it is one of these. And so when people have one of those profound experiences...like a profound spiritual experience often they don't know how to explain it because the only thing you can explain is this stuff. So they say there was heavenly music playing...but they don't quite mean that...there was light everywhere..not ordinary light etc...It's because they can only explain it in those terms. Your brain understands the world in these 6 ways. So when people achieve success they use these different areas in the brain in different ways. Now these are not the only important areas in the brain ...and when I'm drawing pictures of the brain it's the entertainment section ...you're not going to have to learn this you know...you're going to be a neuro surgeon or something...you're not going to operate on someones brain and find all these things... So just treat it as being fun. Do you see there's an area of auditory digital or self talk that's right between V A K it's got a fancy name technically in English it's called the angular gyrus but we'll just call it the bit in the middle and it's really important I'll show you why...now there's an experiment and it's been done in many different cultures around the world and what they do is they show people these 2 pictures and they tell them a funny story about it...they tell them these are 2 letters of the alphabet from the planet Mars wooo...what people often don't realize is thousands of years ago the Martian people came here to earth and they left their alphabet hidden in our DNA so if you're really intuitive you can contact this Martian alphabet again. Now one of these letters in the M alphabet is called Booba and one of them is called Kiki So I want you to go inside and access your intuition and check inside would you be able to tell which one is Booba and which one might be Kiki? Ok now theres no wrong or 42

right answers here cause we're just experimenting here. How many people here think this one is Booba? Ok now how many people think this one is Booba? See this one is a very popular choice... and it doesn't really matter which one you chose. The result in every culture we do this in is 95% of people think this one is Booba and that one is Kiki and 5% think it's the other way around. But what's interesting is that you were able to answer this ridiculous question because the sounds Booba and Kiki have nothing to do with the pictures here. The only reason that they can have something to do with the pictures here is because you have a functioning area of the brain here between VAK and it looks at the picture and it translates it into auditory or it hears the sound and translates it into visual. It's like a transformer changing one form of electricity into another. My little computer over there comes with me all over the world and I can use it because that that little black thing on the side there is a transformer and it converts to what ever power I'm using. This area does it for your brain it translates from one to the other; and why is that important for talk - you see it's one of the areas that produces speech. And why it's important is this now listen to these 2 words in English one of them is a word for something small and one of them is a word for something very large so...teeny weeny do you hear what it sounds like? enormous can you hear what that sounds like? Now listen to these words in French un petit peu...enorme grande can you hear the difference? One of them sounds big and one of them sounds small. Listen to these 2 words in Russian malinki...agromoni Can you hear which one of them is going to be big? It's obvious. So you not only speak Martian, hehe you speak French and Russian. I mean the whole world is like this have a listen to this in a Pacific Island language very small iti iti can you hear? Roa nui - can you hear it it's bigger than iti iti. They sound like it when you've got this functioning area of the brain translating from one to the other. So this has been very important in the production of language. All human languages use this area in the brain...so you can see something and you have a word come to your mind for it....so you've gotta be able to see something and translate it into a word. And that happens in the bit in the middle so it often happens due to things like this the Booba and Kiki phenomena. So this area it turns out is incredibly important for all communication as well cause when your communicating and I'll show you this tomorrow...when you're communicating this area of the brain that gets you to know what's actually going on with someone else...that's why it was used first used by your brain for language even before you knew all the words. Let me show you what I mean, I travel around the world a lot in my job [sigh] yeah, I really love the airports...it's great being stuck in a airport for 8 hrs [note: R say's this very slow and dragged out. R back to normal asks] Now 93% of the information you just got was that I hate being stuck in the airport...right? And it doesn't matter that I said in technical words that I love it because all the other kinds of information the tone of voice and the body language etc. what happens is you see me going like this and you translate it into a feeling inside your body...what would it feel like if you were going like this?.. and when you feel that inside your body...thats the understanding you get from what I said...Does that make sense? So this area is crucial for communication. And here's what happens, do you remember I said John Gottman would study any 5 min. of a conversation between 2 people and when one person went like this [facial expression ] the other person would be showing signs that they were feeling what it felt like... even if they were having an argument. So they would also start shaking their head or they would also touch their head like this...And when he checked their heart rate and blood pressure, and measure their brain waves then he would see that they would be experiencing what the other one was also describing. And when that area isn't working..this area in the middle here, then the other person couldn't understand...so one person could be really annoyed really upset and they say I really hate this...this has got to change and the other person would be [ sigh ] you know just kinda look'n around at something else...and this 43

doesn't work...this isn't good for a relationship. It's a 96% predictor that the relationship is going to be over. I'm going to show you something else in a minute...because Gottman found out not only could he predict...by the way it took him 30 years to work out all this stuff...he then found out 1000's of couples altogether...he not only found that out but he found out that he could show people what works...then they would just do it. They didn't complain and say ah no I've got some deep seated problem that prohibits me from having close relationships with people...they'd just go ah ok so if I just nod in time with the other person, what a funny idea, ah ok if you say so...and then they'd do it and then their relationship would survive. It's freaky...you just need to know how to run your brain. So this area is really important and I'm going to come back to this is a lot on the weekend. And another area that's pretty important here in the front is the area that people set goals. And when this area gets damaged they can get all kinds of ideas but they don't actually do them, they don't set goals. It doesn't stop them from fantasizing, it stops them from actually doing stuff. This is really important to understand when people achieve things they don't just fantasize. They imagine doing the things to get there...and that's makes it work. This was the 1st area of the brain that was understood, and it was understood because of a curious thing in America. There was this poor guy in America, Phineas Gage was his name and he was working on the railways in America and there was an accident with an explosion...they used to use dynamite to blow up places where they were putting the railways through and a piece of metal went through the front of his brain and he survived ok like he was pretty much able to do all the things he usually could do except he'd suddenly lost the ability to plan and to get things happening in his life. So he had all kinds of fantasies about what he was going to do...yeah I'm going to save my money, I'm going to buy a house, all sorts of fantasies but no goal achievement. And it was this part here in his brain that was damaged. Before the accident he was a regular planning sort of a guy and he went ahead and could get things done. So this is an incredibly important part of the brain. So I'm gonna show you how to run each of these areas. Now, there is another way of defining NLP and it's the way that's at the start of that page 2...and that NLP is about being curious about what works. And when the developers of NLP when they were first developing NLP they studied a lot of famous communicators and people who were good at communicating with other people and one of the things they noticed was these people were very curious about other human beings...that these people did not have the attitude of ...I know everything there is to know. They actually would always be interested like every new person that came in they'd be like wow how did you do that? See some people have phobias you know... now when someone has a phobia about something, lets say spiders then every time they see a picture of spiders then their heart starts pounding and stuff like that and they remember to do this every time...Now this is very impressive cause well you know...I mean you can ask my partner Julia cause I have trouble remembering to put the rubbish out and that's only once a week. So for someone to remember every time they see a spider to have a panic attack...that is impressive memory! And the developers of NLP would be curious like how do you do that? How do they remember? What if they forgot and one time they saw a spider and thought it looked cute or something? Cause they kinda are and last year we went to the Amazon and the guy who was taking us through the forest there stopped by the trunk of a tree and he started tapping on it with a stick and out crawls this spider the size of my hand you know and he started stroking it...and I'm like what the? Yeah he said their very cute their kinda like pussy cats actually, they're all fluffy... tarantulas So what if someone forgot their phobia and actually did something like that and thought it was like a 44

pussy cat and cute? But no they don't...they remember. So it's always really interesting to find out how do people do the things they do? You know having a phobia is a skill just as much as having a winning company around the world or something, it's just a matter of knowing how you do it. Now I want you to know... after the break I'm going to tell you how NLP began. So we're going to have a break fairly soon. And when I tell you about that...the thing is that ah...there's something thats really important to know about when I'm talking, I know I said it was entertainment but I'm kinda choosing the words I use. Let me give you an example of how I'm choosing what I say...We have a thing in NLP that we know about the brain...the brain apart from the goal setting part...of course the brain doesn't know whats real or isn't real...remember at the start of the morning I was describing a lemon and I said ah we had a lemon tree and if you cut open a lemon...do you remember this? And you know it shoots this fine mist of juice and if you bite into a slice of lemon it squirts right into the back of your tongue...and as I describe that your mouth starts to water. And so of course most of your brain, it just listens to what I'm saying and embodies it. And it's only the goal setting part that says wait a minute has this really happened yet? See do you see why thats really important...because other wise you'd just fantasize lemons and they'd think they had one...They'd fantasize dinner and they'd think they'd eaten it. And the human species would die out very quickly. So the goal setting part is there to make sure that you actually do the things to get you the food. That's a very useful thing. And this part is what we call our conscious mind. And the rest of it is kinda unconscious. Now the unconscious mind doesn't really make a distinction in the same way as the conscious mind. For example if I say to you...Don't think of a blue tree...this is very important...Keep not thinking of a blue tree..Oh and especially don't think of a big bright blue tree...don't see that...And what ever you do don't see it flashing...What are you thinking of by the way? A blue tree? Yeah thats because as far as your unconscious mind is concerned in order to understand what I'm saying, it has to think about it...and then to not think about it, it has to cross it out, change the color, something like that. So once I know your brain works like that...I can use it. But see that's interesting because in your childhood not everyone knew how to run your brain. Your parents didn't get the users manual. You know they unpacked you from the box...where ever babies come from and said wow I wonder how it works? and you were so entertaining that they forgot to read the book. And so you see part of the users manual says...If you tell children not to do this and that...they tend to do it...because they've got very little functioning at the front of the brain here. It's actually around age 14 that this starts being functional at the front. So kids...have you noticed this...like 3 year olds have a great difficulty with goal setting You know...what's wrong with them? It's called (myalinisation) of the brain...it just means fixing of all the connections in the front of the brain, it hasn't happened yet. So this is kind of interesting cause sometimes people were speaking to you and they said don't make mistakes which is crazy anyway because mistakes are how you learn stuff. You know like how could you have a school system that worked if you didn't.....don't let me go there! Or they said things like...Don't be stupid. And of course what they meant was...Be intelligent. Don't break that! And what they meant was...Be careful, look after that. Do you remember that? Of course what that means is you can go back and change all those child hood memories...So now you understand what they meant, right? It's never too late to have a happy childhood. See this is a really interesting thing to understand this little thing about language about...Don't do this....Then you can use it. For example...In front of that... you know that blue tree...Don't think of that...And don't think of the white fence in front of it. Oh and especially don't think of the man thats walking in front of the fence, you know the man with the sign. The sign that 45

says...You are an excellent learner now. See when I understand that you unconscious mind does it in order to understand what I'm saying, then I can say something like that, your unconscious mind will do it and your conscious mind knows that I'm only kidding. And thats the way I'd like it...so your conscious mind can relax and your unconscious mind can go ahead and do stuff...And learn...Easily...Now So I will, I just need to warn you especially sometimes Richard will sit down there and he will be talking about how NLP was developed and stuff like that and he's already doing things...and he's choosing his words very carefully...sounds like he's just rambling and of course sometimes he is...but he's rambling in a rather precise way. I record myself teaching by the way because I'm interested in finding out what I said. And sometimes I listen through them and sometimes I listen through the CD's at the back of the room there and I think gee that was a good idea to say that... I must remember to say that next time...and I hope I can remember to say of this stuff next time. Because mostly what I'm doing is not planned...consciously. And thats true when your doing something that you know how to do easily...right? Like if you know how to drive your car you don't plan when your going to change gear or when your going to turn a corner or when your going to brake etc. It's just happening because you know how to do it. And so what I want to do is show you how to get that level of fluency with a lot of things. So you don't need to think about...cause there's much more interesting things to think about. When I'm running a training I'm mostly thinking about the people in the training room by the way. That's much more interesting than just the content of what I'm saying. And in order to do that I need to know the content of course...so I can put my attention on what youre doing. Otherwise have you noticed sometimes teachers...they're really interested in what their saying and everyone else is falling asleep. This is not such a good thing...I mean it's fine for teaching but it's not a good sign for learning. So learning...now the development of NLP began in the 1970's officially. The term Neurolinguistic comes from the 1930's. Comes from a man named Albert Korzybski and he was studying language and the effect on the brain back in the 1930's...Polish guy. So in the 1970's some people in America John Grinder, Richard Bandler, Leslie Cameron, Judith Delozier, Robert Dilts,...a whole group of people started developing this thing. And at first they were interested in studying people who were successful. They first of all studied people who were psychotherapists because that was really popular thing in California at that time and they were at the University of California at this time. So, there was a guy there they studied whose name was Fritz Perls and he was the developer of a kind of therapy called Gestalt. And it was really new and people would come and see him and within an hour something would really change in their life and the people would say Wow everything seems really different. And then they studied a woman called Virginia Satir. Now Virginia was the developer of what would now be called Family Therapy...and so she is often referred to as the Grandmother of Family Therapy. And so they studied what she was doing and families would be arguing with each other and they'd come and see Virginia and she would help them clarify what they were saying and within an hour they'd be saying...Wow we didn't realize that there is so much love in this family and we were always talking about what was wrong. and so it would change very quickly. And then they studied a guy named Milton Erickson and Milton was a Medical Practitioner and a he would work mainly by talking to people and he would work mainly using something he would call Hypnotherapy. But he didn't do any official trance type thing...so you know he 46

didn't use words like Youre getting sleepy or anything like that. He just talked so it affected their unconscious mind. So when I say Hypnotherapy...I have a Doctorate in Hypnotherapy but I don't mean that I say stuff like... Your getting sleepy or wave watches in front of people, I don't do stuff like that. I just talk so their unconscious understands. The brain is extraordinary...when I described the lemon...it responds without you having to consciously plan it. Your brain organizes how you breathe...right now your breathing is slower than if you walked up those stairs back there...You don't have to think about it...it just happens for you all by its self, you don't have to think about it. And of course when people want to change things in their life...when they want to enjoy their life more...when they want to achieve things more easily...when they want to let go of old unhelpful patterns...then that kind of change doesn't happen easily...consciously. Otherwise if you've ever known somebody who you didn't like the way they were doing things, you could just say...Don't be such a jerk and they would change you know,. But it doesn't happen quite that way. Because the part of the brain you need to communicate with, the part of the brain that generates the kind of behavior that makes you call them a jerk...That part is not conscious and thats why it happens so automatically. So they say stuff and they don't even know they're going to say it. So thats the same whether your being an NLP Practitioner or a jerk....thats a whole other profession. And so it's important for you to understand that if you want to help someone change (and that means you) it's not your conscious brain that you want to communicate with. Now your conscious brain is...we have a term we use in NZ jargon I'm going to use...your conscious mind is what we call a Bullshit Detector. Now this means it detects lie's and that's all it does. You remember that when I describe lemons and your mouth just goes ahead and it waters...so as far as most of your brain is concerned you've already got the lemon, it's already happening. But your conscious mind does this thing it's called Bullshit Detecting it checks...Is there really a lemon here or did we just get fooled into thinking about it. And this is a very important skill. It's just not the skill that creates relationships...right? When people in relationships have their Bullshit Detector turned on all the time...They don't have good relationships and they don't have long relationships because they're constantly thinking is this right or is this wrong and they're disagreeing with the other person all the time. And it turns out that isn't the best way to build relationships. And so what actually works in a relationship is to trust your unconscious way of doing things. Now if you've got a very well developed conscious mind...a very developed Bullshit Detector then this is going to take a bit of getting use to turning it off again. See it's really important if youre planning something if youre planning to achieve something in your life that you detect whether you've got it or not...right? Like planning a meal or planning to earn $100,000.00 this year or whatever then it's really good to have this conscious mind functioning. But to enjoy a really beautiful sunset it's not a smart idea to have that thing turned on...you know that Bullshit Detection thing. To enjoy a bath and just relax and enjoy lying in the bath and listen to beautiful music...it's not smart to have it turned on. And this is actually something by the way that musicians find specifically about music...They find they get their Bullshit Detector turned on when they're listening to music...and they'll be unpacking it and thinking ah that was a little bit fast there and ah that instrument there I'd replace it with ---I'd just tweak it about there and stuff like that so they don't enjoy music anymore. And they actually need to learn how to do it again. So theres somethings in life that work consciously and some things that work unconsciously. And Milton Erickson...remember I came into this when I was saying that Milton Erickson was a guy who works with the unconscious mind as a Dr. Cause a lot of things that happen in 47

your body of course happen because your unconscious mind thinks thats supposed to be happening. And so after studying these therapists the developers of NLP looked for where are other people being successful in their lives and they studied Sales People. They studied a guy who had been working at IBM and at that time IBM was the worlds largest computer company and this guy had sold more computers for IBM than anyone else for 5 years running. So they studied how he did it. And it turns out that sales people who are successful ...like I've trained sales people before like I teach with the NZ Retailers Association and Sales organizations overseas and one of the interesting things we find from the research is that...Sales people who are really successful don't think so much about whether they're going to sell this thing...as they do about whether they can meet the needs of the person who their talking to. We just know this from the research. So good Sales People think...How is what I've got going to help this person? And if it's not...then they go and find someone else. Because why waste their time trying to get somebody to want something they don't want to get. Like there are over 6 billion of us on this planet and so theres a lot of other alternatives. So...anyway...they studied Sales People and then they studied Managers and they studied Teachers and in each case they could identify what do people do when they're successful in this field. But then they noticed something else...They noticed that people who were successful in any field had some things that they all do...And one of the things that they all do is that they all have this immense curiosity. And another thing that they all do is that they all tell stories. Now that sounds very strange! Right? Literally they tell stories. So good Sales People tell stories... they'll say...You know I had a customer who came in last week and they bought this and they came in the other day and their telling us they use it every day etc. And that story would work much better than just giving the facts. And this is not just in Sales...it's true in all the great Religious and Spiritual practices around the world. If you look at everything from the parables of Jesus and the teaching stories of Sufi and the stories in Zen Buddhism and everywhere I go around the world there are stories used to teach profound spiritual truths. And the reason for that is quite simple because as you listen to the story...your Bullshit Detector has difficulty because ...The story isn't telling you...to do this...It's just a story. And in order to understand the story...your unconscious mind rehearses through the story and it thinks it's real. This is why you go to movies and ...Have you ever watched a movie and some person is about to walk out and...your thinking oh no! Something bad is about to happen...and your thinking no, no don't go there! And your heart is pounding!...But youre not in the story at all and your Bullshit Detector is turned off for a minute. I mean your heart pounds even though you say to yourself...it's ok I'm just in a movie theatre...it's ok I could walk outside at any time ...But your heart is still pounding. And that means your Bullshit detector is not adequately assessing is this real or this just a movie. Now if you've ever had that experience then you've had the experience the people who tell stories wanted to give. And that is...that when you listen to the story...you get into it. And so to give you an example from here...One time Jesus was teaching and some guy says...How come you always teach in stories? And he quoted something from an older prophet, he said...Well I teach in stories that those with eyes to see will see (watch the diagram) those who have ears to hear will hear and those who have a heart will turn. So basically what he said was...I teach in pictures for the visual people and the auditory people will get the sounds and the kinesthetic people get the feelings in their 48

body. Keys to Success CD 1B Now Milton Erickson used to tell stories when he was helping people change. And he said stories create curiosity. When youre listening to a story you want to find out what happens next. Right? And he said one time when he was a child a good example of this curiosity happened. And he was living in the country and so they were living in America in the country and he had to walk a long way to school each day and he was coming home from school one day and he saw a horse beside the road. And so he immediately was thinking I wonder whose horse this is and it had been tied up and it had a halter around its neck and so it had broken loose from where it had been tied up. And so he didn't know the horse and so he knew it didn't come from one of his immediate neighbors. So he climbed on the horse and pulled it out onto the road. Now as soon as the horse got out on the road...it started walking down the road in one direction and then it came to a corner. When it came to the corner it turned right. So the horse seemed to know where it was going. And every so often the horse would wander off to the side of the road cause it spotted some grass and it would wonder off the road and start eating. And Milton would pull it back onto the road. And so the next corner it turned left and after about 3 miles (5 kilometers or something) they eventually came to a place where instead of walking down the road the horse actually turned onto a pathway and into a driveway and it followed the driveway to the back of a house. Now Milton thought wow now I'm going to learn something. And this is what I mean by curiosity...I mean like really wanting to know. You know? And a guy came out of the house and Milton thought wow...I wonder whats going to happen next. And when Milton told stories it was this sort of thing that was really important because to learn...Your brain needs to be curious. If your brain thinks it knows everything...Then it kind of switches off learning a bit. So if I want you to learn stuff then I need you to get curios about some of the stories. And Milton...he would sometimes not quite finish stories because he knew it would keep people curios...so their brain was still learning. You know the kind of curiosity I mean...I don't just mean a little bit of curiosity...I mean the sort of curiosity that ...Do you remember when you were young and was there a time when people gave presents in your family? Around the world this happens at different times of the year and where I come from in NZ there was Christmas time and we do this Christmas tree thing and under the tree would be these presents but you weren't allowed to open them for some reason until December 25th...it was a rule. And there would be some presents under there with my name on them and man I wanted to know what was in them and I'd be in there feeling them and shaking them and trying to work out what was in them...but we weren't allowed to open them until December 25th. And man that feeling of curiosity !@#$%^&!!! That's what I mean by curiosity...that feeling, to have that feeling again. You see NLP is all about (opening the present) finding out what's inside...Now. Now actually...this curiosity... there's this really cool story about it in one of the earlier NLP books. There's this guy and he and he's working for a company and the company moves to a larger city. It would be kind of like living in Palmerston North and moving to Wellington...something like that. For those of you who don't know, Palmerston North is smaller than Wellington. So lets say he lives in Palmerston North and he was offered the 49

choice to move with the Company to Wellington and have his job or stay and find another one. So he decided to move and the Company gives the staff one of those serviced apartments to live in temporarily until they can find something they like. So he's living in one of those serviced apartments in the city here and he arrived by taxi of course - do you fly from PN ? No. So he arrived from the airport here in the taxi and he was talking with the taxi driver on the way in (taxi drivers are very interesting people to talk to anyway) to find out a little bit about the place and (taxi drivers are often new to the place also, have you noticed that?) So this guy was talking to the taxi driver and he says to the driver, I'm from Palmerston North what are the people like in Wellington? And the driver said well what are the people like in Palmerston North? And he says haa, sigh, well Palmerston North it's kind of small enough place and there aren't so many people so after a while you start to feel like you know a lot of the people. And well you know what it's like when people get to know you they start to sigh talk behind peoples back and stuff like that. I didn't have many friends really and sigh I don't know...it just didn't seem like a very friendly place. Oh thats a shame, sigh, said the taxi driver cause thats the way I think you'll probably find Wellington as well. So the guy's a bit disappointed with this and he goes into the little apartment there. Anyway he's looking out the window the next morning and he sees a taxi pulling up and he sees 2 people getting out of the taxi. One of them is woman who's working for the same Company and she's staying in an apartment and she's moved to Wellington as well, and the other one is the taxi driver, and it was the same taxi driver...so he thinks, I'll go down and say hello to this woman, he doesn't really know her that well but politeness and all...So he goes down and as he's walking over to her and as he gets closer he can hear her talking to the driver...and she says What are people like in Wellington? And immediately the guy gets has this feeling... he thinks I know what he said to me...but I wonder what he's going to say to her? - you know I wonder if he's got one story for me and one story for her, you know? Sort of thing? He really wants to know. And thats what I mean by curiosity. Like not just expecting because it was a certain way one time that its always going to be the same way. Now in NLP...the basic idea then, is that NLP is not just a set of techniques, Like a technique for curing phobias and a technique for fixing allergies ah a technique for this and that like for remembering things easier, stuff like that. What NLP is more...is this attitude of curiosity. And from that comes this comes the process of finding out how does someone do something, whats going on in someone else? And being able to understand that...being able to then work out how you could do things that you want to do yourself. And so...you need to know that in any field that you study, there are some basic principles. [speed ^] Like in mathematics for example there are some basic principles that make mathematics work and if you wanted to understand mathematics you really gotta understand them. In Western logic (I knew some of you thought that was the only kind of logic) but, ha ha, Like I teach a bit in China a Japan like about a 1/3 of the year and ah...it's a very interesting thing...see in Western logic there is this a basic presupposition...that either A=B...you know if there is 2 things whatever they are like eg. Numbers...either A is the same as B or A does not = B...But A cant both at the same time =B and not = B at the same time. And this is very important when youre working something out mathematically. Because if you find that A=B then you now it doesn't not = it...do you get that...it's so fundamentally obvious that you just took it for granted but it's the complete opposite of the East Asian way of thinking...the complete opposite. And here's why...you see this belt here 50

this is the symbol used in East Asia to symbolize the exact opposite of that theory (a belt with a yin-yang symbol ). And here's what it's like ok...right now it's day time right? Now in Western terms we'd say it's day time...now=day time therefore it can't =night ... But actually right now by my watch it's about 12:12 which means - I don't know when the middle of the day is exactly - but it's not quite the middle of the day, and so it's got a little bit of night time in it right? And there was only this infinitesimally moment when it was on the edge. So always the day has some night time in it. The only time when this is true is in your theories...this is what they say in East Asia. And in your theory it is distinct; either it's black or it's white. But in reality...it's never like that. In reality things always have a little of their opposite in them...(the little black bit in the middle of the white and the little white bit in the middle of the black) one always has a little bit of the other thing inside of it. And that way of thinking says this is just a way of doing mathematics...don't confuse it with reality. Because in reality when youre working with people...they've always got a little bit of the other going on inside of them. So yeah theyre enthusiastic and a little bit cautious or yeah theyre cautious and a little bit curious. So this is an important presupposition if you're using mathematics...but it's not very useful in relationships. Otherwise you'd think when someone's annoyed with you that they don't love you anymore. And actually it might be they love you so much that they'd be willing to say stuff that otherwise they'd be frightened to tell you...do you get that? See I told you before that mostly in relationships agreeing with people is important but if you only agree with other people without a little bit of this other thing in it...well that doesn't work either. So now why I'm saying this is because in NLP as well, there are some things that are presupposed...I'm not saying that they're real...I'm saying that they make NLP work. The same way as this A either equals B or doesnt equal B principle makes mathematics work. If you don't have this understanding...you can't make mathematics work. And in the same way if you want to use NLP then you need to know the presuppositions it's built on. Now the 1st basic presupposition in NLP...it's written like this... The Map Is Not The Territory. And thats the way that famous man Alfred Korzybski wrote it. It goes kinda like this...Information comes into your brain through the senses...from the outside world or the territory around you and what you do inside is make a map of it, you make a model of whats going on in the outside world. So inside your head you are going to have a map...or another fancy term we use in NLP is...you make internal representations, pictures, sounds, feelings, about whats going on. But see there's something going on in the middle [this diagram is in your book by the way] And the thing in the middle is called filtering. The filters have got to be there cause otherwise there's too much information coming in to your brain. See I mentioned before that your unconscious mind knows when to change your breathing but you haven't been thinking about it since I mentioned it. And so whats been happening is your breathings been carrying on and you can pay attention to it but that would be a waste of valuable real estate up there so whats actually happening is your thinking about other things. And so your brain filters it out..it deletes things. Like you can pay attention to the temperature of your hands...if it was too cold like before, you could be aware of it however if it's a more comfortable temperature you just pay attention to something else. Does this make 51

sense? So one of the filters is deleting things. Now another filter that you have is generalizing things...it's almost the opposite. Like you see this object here...well if you saw one of these when you came in the room you...you knew immediately that you could do this [chair/sit] demo. So the way that you do that though is you generalize cause you've seen a lot of these things in the past so you don't need to look at it and go [demo testing out the chair] son of a gun...I wonder what this thing is [chair]. figuring out what it is and what you can do with it. You don't need to do all that right? And thats what we mean by generalizing and sometimes that's not such a good thing to do all the time right? Cause occasionally you have sat down in one of these things and it has fallen over right? So in the same way, deleting isn't always a good idea either. There are some people who delete the fact that other people love them. Sometimes because they've generalized that if they're annoyed at them then that must mean they must not love them. So that's quite important to notice that deleting and generalizing are filters and have advantages that are important and that they are not always useful. Now there's another type of filter and it's called Distorting and it's when you kinda alter the meaning of something. An example of distorting I showed you in the brain is that you listen to what someone is saying and you think this is what it must feel like inside them. So you think you now know how it feels inside. But all you know actually is what you heard. Your brain altered it, distorted it, and changed it into another form. So you may not be exactly right....So the filters do all these 3 things. (you don't have to learn this you know...its just entertainment). So this is something that happens so regularly that you may not have noticed how much it has been happening. What I'm going to do is I'm going to give you an example of it...and we're going to take the English word education...now what we're doing here is the process of education right? And you know what I mean by the word education right? So what I'd like you to do somewhere in your book where you've got a little space...I'm going to get you to write down between 3-6 words that means something similar to the word education (since you know what it means) Your aim is to not show anyone else what it is that your writing 3-6 words that are similar. Now in a minute I'm going to get you into a group of 6 people...OK now this is going to be the only time in the course where we're going to have a little bit of a competition. Your group is going to give itself one point for every word that every member in the group has the same, got that? OK so lets see how many points you got. [The groups report 1 or 0 points results: shocked laughs etc.] You do know what education means don't you? OK so most of the groups either got 0 or 1 right? And we can pretty much predict the same result where ever we go...and I can pretty safely guess the one word you got 6 times was Learning right? This is an interesting thing isn't it? Because each of you think you know the meaning of education. And you do but...what you think is different than everyone else in this room...it's not quite the same. And so the map you have inside your head of this one word education is different to each other persons. And of course I've said many words this morning...and each of them you've taken slightly differently. And so you are in your own training...I hope you appreciate how much work I've put into this training for you because no one else is getting quite the same thing as your getting...you 52

know. So, your map is never quite the same as the territory. Let's all come back to the main group. Now this is quite important as a presupposition of NLP. And this is even true by the way where you know how people sometimes say 'But there is an absolute truth.' like some people believe there is an absolute truth in the universe and some don't...and it doesn't really matter because 'The Map is still Never the Same as The Absolute Truth'. I had a Christian guy who was on one of my trainings and he said But I do have a map thats an absolute map; you know I've got The Book: The Bible, and the Bible is the absolute truth. And so I said if you brought in a 1000 Christian teachers...would they all agree with your interpretation of the Bible? And he said of course they would if they were all real Christians. Which of course means they'd all agree if they all agreed with me. Just because you've got a book doesn't mean that you've got a map because your map of the book is going to be different than everyone else's map of the book. So THE MAP IS NOT THE SAME AS THE TERRITORY! Now this idea is pretty important in NLP and here are some of the implications of it. When you talk to someone else and they don't respond the way you'd expect...it's useful to understand they have a different map. What I mean by a map is...let's say I'm going to a large city...lets say Tokyo - when I'm there I use 2 maps. One is a street map and one is a subway map. They are not the same at all. Things are in different places; like they don't match up at all. They're both useful but they get you different results. If you want to get across from one side of Tokyo to the other...then the street map is almost useless...You really want the subway map cause it would take just so long to get there by streets and you'd have to work out ...it's too complex! So the subway map is the one you want. But if you want to find a particular building then you really want to use a street map. And so it's the same as the maps that individual human beings have, each persons map gets them specific results. I'm not saying that every map is as good as every other map...it depends on what result you want. If you want to get across the city...then the street map is not as good as the subway map. But lets not confuse it, I'm not saying that one map is more real...because they're not...they are both just maps. And so with responses it's like this...the way the person responds tells me what their map of what I did was. There's a trainer in Australia his name is Marvin Oka and he's a Japanese guy originally, and he tells the story about a woman who's a friend of his and she bought a kitten. And she says to him I bought this kitten 2 weeks ago and the 1st day was fine...I was putting some jelly meat in its dish and the kitten came over and it ate the meat which is what I expected. But the 2nd day I was putting the meat into its dish and the cat rushed over and it put its head under the spoon and it got the sticky stuff off the spoon all through its fur. Can you imagine what it's like to clean a kittens hair you know scratching and biting? and it was terrible and it took ages and I couldn't get some of it out and it was really upsetting. And she said you know what...this cat is soooo dumb; it keeps doing the same thing every day since then! The response that you get tells you what the other persons, or cats, map of the world is. It's good to change the things that you do to get the response that you want. You see sometimes if I'm coaching a couple - couples counseling - and let's say for example she's saying he's always angry with me.' And so I'd ask the guy...Are you getting angry at that time she's describing? And he says No...I found when I'm trying to figure out something that'll work for us that I'll just frown like that and that's what she's seeing. I say to him...well have you noticed that when you wear a frown like that she thinks that youre angry? 53

So I said well one of the things we could change is that we could change that...like if you could remember not to frown like that when you are thinking.... He said 'Why should I have to do that? And I'll tell you why...if you want to win!...if you want to get the things that you want in life...its worth doing the things that get the response that you intended to get. Otherwise people just keep doing the same things and hoping the other person will finally understand them...or finally believe their map. Another thing thats interesting is that the problems that people have in achieving their goals are not mostly that the world doesn't have the things they need - sometimes thats true and it is that way - but mostly they are because they have the resources that they need but they don't have a map that shows them how to get there. Happiness is a good example...now lets just think about happiness for a minute...there's some research that compares 2 groups of people, people who win Lotto and people who have been severely injured in a road accident and are paralyzed from the waist down and also from the neck down (tetraplegic or quadriplegic) and they follow them up over the next 2 years. And one of the questions they are asking in the questionnaire is How happy are you in your life? Who do you think is Happier? The people who were in the road accident and were paralyzed from the neck down! Now I'm not recommending road accidents by the way. What I'm recommending is find out what those people do that enables them to be happier than Lotto winners. And what they do is they realize I'll need to make my own happiness. So they start thinking... I'll have to develop the map to happiness. The people who win Lotto...they think...Here's the map...buy a lotto ticket. And actually thats not the map to happiness because it's only very rarely the person gets to win Lotto. And so in fact people have the resources to be happy but they don't always have a good map. And what the people who are paralyzed did, is they set about making the best map they could cause they realize wow I'm not going to be able to find my way there from a lot of the things I used to do that used to get me happy. So they make a new map. So what you can learn from it is...you can start making your own map and wow if you've already got all 4 limbs well you're way ahead of the game with this... Like this is very cool. You can easily, quickly make a map that gets you happier than those people who had the road accident. So, you've got the resources. Most of what I do with people isn't giving them... anything, like here take this pill ...It's showing them a map or how to find a map that gets them to the resources they already have. By the way, rapport...you know I mentioned this before that when I'm working with someone else... I need to understand what they're map of the world is...not what my map is most of all. To get them to cooperate with me. What leadership is...is the ability to get other people to do stuff and to inspire other people to do stuff for example when I work with managers . And how you inspire someone else to do something... is you need to understand their map of the world. Otherwise you don't why it would make sense for them to do anything. So great leaders are people who are good at rapport. This is a very important thing to know. Rapport is not only the basis for this feeling of understanding, it's not only the basis of long term relationships, it's also the basis for working in teams, leading and stuff like that. Ok so finally another implication of the fact that the map is not the territory is that, not every map gives as many choices. And in NLP we have a strong valuing of maps that give better choices...that give you more choices about how to get where you want to go. So these are all 54

implications of this basic idea. Now the 2nd basic idea in NLP is that everything is connected. So my internal representations deeper in my brain relate to the state of mind, the emotional state that I'm in. And deeper in my brain than that, this relates to my body, my physiology, (the way my body works). And so what this means is that when I change my internal map then my state of mind changes... and then my body changes. Let me show you that...I'll get you to stand up...and I'm going to ask you just for a few seconds here...to close your eyes...and with your eyes closed I'd like you to imagine something and I promise it's just for a few seconds. I'd like to imagine for a second that you felt really, really depressed [R slower and lower Voice]...like ah what's the point in anything...it's really hopeless...that feeling. And I'd like you now to adjust your body so it's the way it would be if you were standing there feeling depressed. Where would your shoulders be, where would your head be, how would your breathing be....sigh how would you be standing there, where would your legs be if you were feeling really depressed. Now what I'd like you to do is...I'd like you to very gently open your eyes...and have a look around the room. Have a look around and try to keep your head in the same place...which is hard to do and the reason why it is hard to do is because almost everyone in the room has their head down and their shoulders forward. Now this is important to know because this is the depressed position. And so if someone wants to be depressed they need to know this position, so if you didn't fully get into it then you haven't done this enough. And so the depressed position is the position depressed people learn how to do. Now can you imagine what it would happen if you stayed in this position for an hour? You would start feeling depressed. See when the shoulders are forward and the head is down, what happens is breathing gets shallow, it's hard to breath in there...like theres not as much room and the back starts to hurt. And so a lot of stuff starts to happen in the body as a result of this. But see the depressed person doesn't just do this for an hour...oh no...They do it for hours each day...they practice. Everything you practice you get good at. Like I do these Chinese exercises and you know...the more you practice the better you get. Depression; see if you practice it for days and days...you get better and better at it. And so of course then they come into my office and they want me to fix depression, see. So they come into my office and they sit there like [demo head hung down] sigh, can you fix my depression? Now this is like an alcoholic coming into my office with a drink and drinking...and saying Can you stop me drinking? The 1st thing I'm going to have to say is...Put your drink down mate. And it's the same with this depression thing...The 1st thing you're gonna have to do is change your body position. What I'm going to do now is ask you to lift your shoulders back, look up a little, lift up the corners of your mouth....this is a very special NLP process that we're trying to get a patent on and we're going to call it The Smile; and so you lift up the corners of your mouth and now as you look up... Try and feel sad. And what most people will notice is...This is the wrong position...It's difficult to feel sad when you breath deeply, look up and smile. Go ahead and sit down. Your physiology affects your state of mind and that relates to your map of the world. So what they've done is they get people to lift up the corners of their mouth with this process called the smile and then they ask them after they've been doing this for a couple of minutes...and then they ask them, tell me what sorts of things have been happening to you over the last 24 55

hours? Now if they've got the corners of their mouth lifted up...they remember more enjoyable things. Their map of the world changes. See the depressed person; it's not just that they have bad things happen to them...they can't remember the good things, because their body is not in the right kind of position for that kind of memory. Your map of the world changes when your physiology is different. Even to the extent that a fake smile...see what they've done is...they have 2 groups of people...One group of people they have hold a pen in their mouth between their teeth...now this causes a artificial smile [demo] like this you see...and they get the other group of people hold the pen in their mouth between their lips [demo] and this causes an artificial frown...kind of a sad face...and so then they wait 5 minutes...and then they ask them what their experiences have been over the last 24 hrs? And they get the same result...the people with the artificial smile remembered more enjoyable experiences and the the people with the artificial frown remembered unpleasant stuff. So if you've got someone at home who is always complaining about how bad things are in the world...now you know where to put the pen. So this is pretty important...physiology affects the map. Now as you know, when I describe the lemon, the map affects your body as well...affects your physiology. I talk about the lemon and your whole physiology is set up so that it affects the other thing. Now this kind of set up where each thing affects the other is called a system. A system is an arrangement where all of the bits interrelate with each other. Do you get that? It's a technical term. And so the other basic assumption of NLP is The Whole World Is Made up of Systems. And this is a big surprise to Western Science...because Western Science comes out of the idea that...you know... you can just go in a straight line for something...And so Europe was built on this theory that if we just keep expanding and going in a straight line and everything will work out fine. And this is really the century where we are discovering oops.. with this theory. Because it's a system...and if you push something too far in one direction...then you suddenly discover that you're loosing the planet. And so you actually have to know what else changes in what way, when you do something...does this make sense? So it's a basic idea in NLP that if we change one thing then other things in a persons life are going to change. Now I told you there's a 5 minute allergy process...well here's what actually happens...sometimes people have more than 1 allergy. Like anything, if you practice then you become good. So they have several allergies you see. Milk is popular...your gluten that's a very popular thing and of course there's certain chemicals that it's easier for your body to have allergies too...right? But see when people have lots of allergies...then...I'm not criticizing...I know it can be really annoying. One of the things though is when someone has lots of allergies...what happens is when they meet someone, one of the 1st things they need to do is to explain to the other person about their allergies. E.g. How do you do, I have an allergy to wheat so we need to be careful what we're eating here today. e.g. Hi I've got an allergy to peanuts so I could die if I eat some so you know ah like even traces could do it so ah so can I just check all the labels in here. So now it seems strange but if someone does this for about 10 years...it's always one of the 1st topics in conversation. And it's a winner because people usually say oh wow is that right so ah how long has it always been like that? No no it happened when I was about 21... and so they get to talk about something. And it becomes one of their 1st topics of conversation. Now if you cure their allergy in 5 minutes they have to come up with a new topic of conversation... otherwise they won't have any friends...they'll wonder how to meet people. It sounds funny but it's really important. Because if they can't meet people then they'll go back to fabricating their allergy in order to make sure they can have friends. Which after all is much more important than the nuisance of having to check packets and so forth... 56

So this is very important...if I change one thing in their body now I'm going to have to pay attention to what else is going to happen in their way of relating to people. Sometimes people have a problem like anxiety or depression and they talk about that early on when they meet someone. E.g. they say...sigh, I get nervous and I need to go outside and have a breath of...and it becomes an interesting topic of conversation. And people respond by feeling sorry for them...wow thats rough you know and so they get a lot of support from that. And if we take it away then we've got to think about how they're going to create friendships without having to reveal...well I'm not very good...can you help me? Stuff like that. So this idea that when you change one thing...other things change...This idea is called Ecology...You know what; 40 years ago I had to explain this term Ecology on my trainings. But everyone knows what it means now right? In a system theres this thing called Ecology ...when you change 1 thing in the system you've got to check what else changes. The Mind And Body Are A System. This is all implications of this idea. Now in a system when you do something, then you get results but the results are feedback. So for example right now, is it warm enough for people in here? Is anyone too hot? You're ok? Cool So if we're too hot, then what would we do? Yes, we could change something right? Like open the windows, lower the thermostat for the heating system etc. And thats the sort of thing we do like if it's too cold like it was this morning we turn the heaters on etc...well our body's are doing this all the time of course. So if your body's too cold, your body contracts in the skin and ah and eventually it gets you to moving in a vibration (shiver) in order to keep warm. So when your body is cold...it knows what to do next. It doesn't think oh-oh this is colder than the ideal body temperature so I've failed ...and shut down. If it did we wouldn't be here now. It takes everything as feedback. It doesn't have the concept of failure. If it gets too hot it starts perspiring in order to cool down your skin. So if your perspiring now then it means your body is hotter than it wants to be and it's releasing liquid in order to cool you down. So everything that happens is feedback. Your body doesn't think; oh it's too hot, so it's failed, and shut down. It has no idea of failure...it's meaningless in nature. There is no such thing as failure in nature... it's a human idea. In nature everything is feedback that tells your body what to do next. Right up to the point when it stops functioning as a body by the way. Right up to the point of death your body is constantly adjusting based on the feedback that it's getting.....thats life. Now this is very interesting cause sometimes humans get this idea...and it's the conscious mind...I mean it's a wonderful thing but it's got it's limitations. And one of it's limitations is the idea... that since I've set this goal, if I don't get there, like if I'm not heading directly towards it then this must mean I've failed. And of course human beings, they aren't built that way and they weren't built that way right from the very beginning; when you have little babies learning things. Children learn things very fast in the first 5 years and one of the reasons is that parents are very good at teaching them and they understand the idea of feedback. So when a little kid and I remember when my son said one of his 1st words and it was Da Da, and I was just so proud. But you know here's what I didn't do... NO Dear the actual word in English is Father...let's try that again:-( Like I'm sorry but I'm going to have to fail you on that one :-( haha not funny though) have another go tomorrow...there'll be a retest at 5pm :-( So ah, I don't do that. What I do is say Wow Thats Great! Listen to this he's on his way to saying Father...listen this listen this he's on his way to saying Daddy...He said Da Da. So what I do is treat it as feedback and I know it's that it's constantly adjusting. Only human beings and only after a certain age have the idea of failure, and success being a black and white thing. So when a plane is flying (you've heard this story?) that when a plane is 57

flying it's mostly off course: 95% of the time it's flying the wrong way and they just constantly adjust. It's a little bit scary cause I travel a lot flying internationally - I always wonder where I'm going to get off...But there you go, they just keep adjusting. I often say like if I was sailing on a boat...and if I was sailing from NZ and I was planning to go to Brisbane lets say...and I'm way across the Tasman and I realize that I'm actually headed for Sydney...Would I sink the boat?... pause... Well it's wrong?! ...Of course not...I'd adjust the course right? So now I'm further along and I discover that I'm headed for The Gold Coast instead of Brisbane...Will I sink the boat now? No? Because I've already been wrong twice now. So I'm sailing further on and I adjust the course again and I'm sailing on and I realize I'm on the wrong side of the harbor in Brisbane... Sink the boat now?...It's been wrong 3 times now you know...I mean 3 strikes you know...youre out. NO I won't sink the boat because I know that theres this constant feedback process and everything every time I check it gives me useful feedback about what to do next. Including the information about when to stop doing things. When I'm teaching with Sales people, one of the things you sometimes need to tell Sales People to do...is to shut up...is to stop selling. Because they need to get the feed back that they've succeeded. Cause sometimes they fail because they don't know that they've succeeded. They sell something and the person is nodding and saying they'll buy it and the Sales person keeps telling them about it until the person gets frustrated and walks away cause they can't get out of the shop. It's Feedback. Ok so one of the basic ideas that I have in a system is that everything that happens inside a system happens inside that system...so it has it's own intention. Let me show you what I mean. Ah every behavior inside a system has an intention related to the system. I'm going to create a system...I'm going to get you to stand up and come and stand around the edge of circle or oval in the front here. Ok now what we're going to do in a moment is create a system here. And what I'm going to get you to do is to choose 2 other people in the room (randomly) but you'd need to be able to recognize them if they moved. So choose 2 other people in the circle (and not me) cause I'm going to keep track of time while we do it. Ok so any 2 people...thats 1st You won't need to tell them who they are mostly. Pause Got 2 people? Thats a great thing that happens on all trainings like these where your learning communication skills and stuff...they tell you...Now I'm going to give you a task to do and it's really simple...until you go out in the real world and you try it. Ok so heres the simple task that I'm going to get you to do here. I'm going to get you in a moment to move so that you are standing in a equilateral triangle with those 2 people. Now that means you are standing an equal distance from them as they are from each other. [Note: R now uses 2 students to demo equilateral triangle position.] Now sometimes there'll be a 2nd place that I can stand...but I can see right now theres a table there so I won't be able to do that. So sometimes there'll be 2 choices...sometimes just 1 choice...there'll always be 1 choice at least. And thats the task...Oh but there is one more thing...When you go to do this...The other people might move. Now if they move....you've got to see where they've got to now. Thats why I said make sure you can recognize them, like know what color clothes their wearing or something. So if they move...you work out where they've got to and adjust yourself accordingly so your in a equilateral triangle. Got that? Oh and one more final thing...What I want you to is to do this... without talking. So just nonverbally by just seeing where they are and moving. Ok so lets do that now...and I'll keep track of time by the way. Thats 8 minutes. Now heres an interesting thing...who at some time thought...this will never 58

happen? This will never work? And who thought at some point...it would work if only I hadn't picked that damn person? Now this is very important because this happens in any system. So an organization is a system, a family is a system and its easy for people to think at some point...in this place we're never going to be able to get agreement around here, it's never going to work. And so in this place, we would agree...if it wasn't for that person. These are just 2 non-system-based ways to think about it. The 1st is to think...It doesn't matter what feedback we get... we can never sort this out. The 2nd is to think...There is one thing in the system...thats causing the problem. Now you understand that in a system, it does not make sense to work out who is causing the problem. Because if you think...That bloody person...why did they move? They moved because somebody else moved. They moved because they had a need of their own, they had an outcome that wasn't being met. Now that other person moved because someone else moved, and that person moved because someone else moved, and you might have been part of that whole process right? So it doesn't make any sense to work out who's fault that this is. It's just a non-system way of thinking about it. I'm not saying you shouldn't work out who's fault that it is...I'm saying that there is no meaning to that question, in a system. It's much more complex than that. And so the only question that is useful is...What do we do next? Whats going to work best next...based on the feedback we've got. Thats the way that the system resolves its challenges. Thats why your body is doing it all the time. If your body thought...It's that damn blood stream, its not providing us with enough..you know...it would be fighting itself. Actually what your body does is it constantly works out what do we adjust next to make this work...for all of us. Now in the real world of course there's another thing that happens and inside your body the other thing that happens is called your...conscious mind. And inside an organization it's called...The Manager. Ok so now I'm going to play this role...I'm The Manager ok.... so I'm going to fix this [R gets Phillip to volunteer] Right so Phillip who were your 2 people? Ok can you please come over here and stand by Phillip - I'm going to sort this for you Phillip. Now, did anyone else have these 3 people? Ok, who did you have? Good so if you could stand here. Who else had either of these 3 guys they were following? [People who had 1 of the original 3 to come up and R positions them]. See how good this is see it's a system...this is what managers do...[R goes through asking who had who and getting them all positioned in relation to each other. Starts to get more and more funny as people see who was following them. R jokes every so often about who someone picked and jokes about how good he's doing as a manager creating a system and jokingly telling some that they are trouble makers upsetting his system. Eventually it becomes clear that almost everyone else not organized yet will not be able to be fitted into his scheme.] This is really important because it looks so good...and thats what fools everyone. To me as the manager it looks so good..I'm organizing the system and it's working like a dream! Until we discover what the implications of it are...And suddenly whats obvious is not that theres just one problem, but that the whole system has been constructed from the beginning in a way that won't work. Do you see? Now the tricky thing is, this is what your conscious mind does... with the best intentions as an organizer it's trying to put everything in it's place inside you/inside your brain...and of course it all looks perfect Except for that damned habit...like what is it with those damn cigarettes or what ever it is. And what is it with getting up late in the morning! How come I can't? That kind of thing... you know. And It's kind of like that 59

person in this system here who, when it finally comes to the crunch are obviously not quite in the right place in fact. So here's the other thing that happens in a system as well of course... in an organization say...Is that while I'm doing this, someone is watching me and their saying...He's doing it the wrong way... Sometimes he asks people who had this person? And sometimes he asks who did you have? Thats not right, you've got to stick to one. And then someone else says something different. In Poland they say, you've got 20 people in the room...theres 40 opinions right there. So this is really important to understand...that the complexity of the system is too much for any one person to sort out. And as soon as there are several people trying to sort it out...it becomes impossible. So instead of it taking 7-8 minutes to sort out...it will take forever...it just won't happen...And that would be correct. And thats why people get the impression in a organization that it isn't going to happen. Now what that means though is that the traditional way in which you'd expect a manager to operate doesn't work very well here. In management theory what I was trying to do would be called micro-management. So what I did was, I tried to work out where everyone should stand... I'll meet your needs...I'll keep everyone happy. And this is the same problem in a family...Micro-management in a family is where one person in the family...thinks they can make everyone happy. And they take on the role of trying to keep everyone happy. So if one person needs something they'll go and talk to the other family member to help out the other family...etc...And this doesn't work either. So micromanagement doesn't work. But that doesn't mean that a manager can't do anything of course...because the 1st time when you sorted it out in 8 minutes...There actually were some things I did, that made it work. And those are what I think of as useful management in a system. Now the 1st thing I did, I set a ground rule about how we would do it. I didn't say...you'll stand there and you'll stand there...But I set a ground rule about how we'd do it. And the ground rule was... that we would do it non verbally. Now you understand why I did it that way...Because if I let you talk about it...It would never happen. It would go on forever. Because each person would have their own theory about how we should do it. It would just go on forever. And so the ground rule made that work. And the 2nd thing I did...was I set a boundary around the system. So there are 2 things you can do in a system, you can set ground rules about how things happen in the system and 2nd you can set a kind of a perimeter literally around the system. And I did of course, without you probably even noticing it. Because we were doing it inside the building. And it took slightly longer once you broke through the perimeter interestingly when you broke through this line of chairs here. And so at first you were headed for a decision in probably about 5 minutes...and then when it shifted out beyond the chairs there (because it seemed easier of course) and thats when it shifted out to be 8 minutes. And if we did it outside, it would never work. We would get further and further away... Because it always would be easier. And it's the same thing in a system, it's always going to be easier to have nothing to do with the other person you know. Like if I'm in a relationship or in a family and they won't let me smoke cigarettes, then I'll just go outside and now I don't talk to them in the evenings anymore...because I'm smoking outside. You know. And the same thing happens in a organization when people go outside to smoke and so their decisions can only be made by the smokers or the non smokers. And so the system goes further and further apart. So what I did was I set a boundary around the system. 60

And those 2 things of course are what I did at the start of this training. Because training is a system. And so because it is a system, at the start I kind of summarized what the boundary of what we're doing on this weekend is. See this is where we're headed and then I said and here are the set of ground rules that I would ask you to have about how we do it. Thats like that ground rule of Do It Non Verbally. Thats what makes it run. All the behaviors that happen in a system...happen for an intention that was generated inside the system. So when someone moves...they move because they have some intention. And when I'm working with someone helping them to change...rather than thinking well this strange behavior that they do...is just a nuisance. It's a habit that they've gotten into and it's a bad thing. Instead, often what I'm interested in is...What was the behavior trying to get the person? So this person has this behavior where they get angry or they overeat or something like that. So what I want to find out is... What was it trying to do for them? And is there some other way that we can meet that intention?...that would actually work for the whole system.Thats what you did. The person moves...What did they move for? Well lets find a way that we can get them what they needed...which was to be in that triangle with that person. The more flexibility you have...then the more in charge you are of the system. The 1st people who moved across there to the other part of the room quickly took control of what was happening in their part of the system. Because they had the flexibility to move over there and people hadn't thought about it before. So flexibility is useful inside a system for getting in charge of the system. If your too flexible in one direction of course the system would break as I said ...if we were outside it would go on and on and break the system. So again this is something I notice in terms of Western Science. That Western Science has enormous flexibility in how it deals with the world. And too much flexibility at times and that it breaks the system. So it just expands, expands, expands and it works out a way that......For example in traditional agriculture around the world...You put plants in the ground and every so often, you leave the ground and you let other things happen there, so it gets nitrogen back in it. Are you familiar with this? It's called in English fallow; you let the field lay fallow for 1 year in 7. And so what we did in Western Science was...We had the idea that ah well we don't really want to leave the field fallow for a year so we'll just cram some nitrogen into it. Like we'll just artificially produce fertilizer that has nitrogen in it and we'll ram it into the soil and keep churning food out each year. But it doesn't work after a while. Other things happen as a result of it. And so in that sense, we had a little too much flexibility for our own good. There's an optimal level of flexibility for a system. And you do get more control by having more choices...but you need to know where they go. So when I talk about a system, I talk about behaviors and their intentions. I think it's more useful for me to talk about a person in terms of what they did and their intention...rather than in terms of some kind of label. So ah, before, I used some labels that I learned as a psychotherapist...like depression and anxiety. These are not so useful as descriptions of a whole system. It's more useful for me to know...what a person does. Like when someone is depressed... usually what they do involves a lot of thinking about whats gone wrong...and whats gone wrong in the past. And a lot of self criticism. You know, they tell themselves off for stuff. And when they do that for long enough, then it doesn't feel very nice. And that not feeling very nice and the things that happen when they don't feel very good inside their body...those clusters of behaviors get called depression. But they're just behaviors and they had an intention. When that person was telling themselves off, they were trying to get their life to work better and to enjoy life. And it's just that it's not the best way to do it. 61

Now what I've just done is taken you through the basic ideas of NLP. And these are assumptions that I make. Now I want to emphasize I'm not saying these things are true. I'm not saying that life really is a system. I'm not saying that everything that someone does has a positive intention, I'm just saying that this is a working model that makes NLP function. When I'm working with a client I assume that each thing they do has a positive intention. I have no idea theoretically whether it always does, it might be a random accident...it's just a model. Do you get it? Like the most basic of these 2 ideas is the one 'The Map Is Not The Territory' and that includes NLP. NLP is not life...NLP is not what generates the universe...NLP is just a map...[Pause]...clear about that? ...This is real important because people sometimes talk about...will NLP work?... Maps don't work...People work...They work really well...And maps just help you get around with them...thats all. So were coming up to lunchtime, and one of the things that happens when you go on trainings like this of course is that you get all these new ideas and you move around a lot and it gets kind of exciting. Well, for me anyway, because as I mentioned this is my hobby. And its one of two hobbies I have. Tomorrow Im going to show you a little bit of my other main hobby which is traditional Chinese Exercise or chi kung. Very simple exercise, by the way. And I find that really useful because a lot of what we do in NLP is kind of thinking about things. And as you know its a system in there so if we do some things with your body that helps the thinking to go better. When it comes time for lunchtime its time for your body to digest things, and if youre going to digest your body will want to relax a little. Relaxation is an interesting thing...I want to show you how you do it...of course you all know how to relax...You fall asleep sometimes right?...is this right? Some people don't by the way...some people don't sleep for months on end. This is usually considered not to be right...so they don't usually like it. So my recommendation is...Keep on with the sleeping business. Sleeping means that you know how to relax already. And have you noticed that even when you know something...when it's the time that you need it most...then sometimes it doesn't run on automatic? Like the time when you've got an important meeting the next day and you know thats the time that you really need to sleep and yet thats the night you'll be laying there thinking about all the things that could happen. So this is why it could be useful to learn how your body naturally does things. And honestly thats all I do in NLP...In NLP I'm not teaching you new stuff at all...what I'm doing mostly in NLP is I'm showing you how things work...that already work. That I didn't design at all...that is part of life...that is part of being human. Now this is extraordinary, this means that your body already has all of these resources and this includes being able to relax. Now when a people relax...they do specific things but they don't consciously remember what they're doing often. See one of the things people do when they relax...is they defocus their eyes. Oh you know how I said when I described a lemon...that your body responds as if it was a lemon...do you remember that? You know when you slice into it and the juice squirts in a fine mist, and when you bite into it...do you remember this? So, in the same way, when I was teaching in the University and Polytechnic system here...after lunch was a great time to see people relax. So I'd watch my students and they'd be like this [demo falling asleep in class, eyes defocused and head nodding] And I'd look and I'd think to myself...now there's somebody who knows how to relax. Cause you see what they do at the start there, they defocus their eyes, they relax their jaw...so this is all part of relaxing right?...You relax your jaw...you defocus your eyes... Because you don't need to look at anything in particular...when your relaxing...and so your vision gets a little blurry. Now if you notice...even as I describe it... have a look...it gets blurry around the edges... already...and as you relax of course...your internal voice 62

changes....it slows down.....and the sentences connect together with words like.....and.....and so....and in the same way.....as your eyes defocus...... your ears defocus........and the sounds...sound a little different......occasional noises in the background start to remind you of how quiet it is around here......the sound of my voice gets a little echo-y...and your ears....we don't have a word for it in English...that sometimes the voice sounds a little further away...sometimes a little closer...sounds a little echo-y inside......and as you relax...it's not only that your breathing slows down but it also becomes more regular or even. And as I mention it...you wouldn't even have been noticing your breathing consciously....until I mention it again...now...and you don't need to think about your breathing...think about that......because as you relax...those things happen naturally...and another thing that happens is, you tend to remember times....you've relaxed before. Cause you know the experience where you sleep in your own bed and sometimes people notice when you sleep in your own bed the feeling of the softness or firmness of your own bed is just right. It reminds you of relaxing there before...and sounds and the quietness of the places where you usually sleep remind you of relaxing....and its funny how a sound...even if it's a familiar sound can remind you to relax...even hearing the sound in the background as I said....reminds you of how quiet it is here now...as you relax...and in the same way...you've had many times when you relax each day, that youre reminded of as you relax right now...for example those times when you drive to work may seem very usual but if you go to work by the same route each day, sometimes you arrive at work and you realize...I don't even remember the journey...I'm not sure what happened...Sometimes people say to me: Is there something wrong?...is this Alzheimer's that I drifted into this And I say no, no...your brain is working fine and it just went into a relaxed state. And you can be very safe in that state...your brain can return control to your conscious mind when ever it needs to.....as you relax like that...its the same experience you have sometimes when your waiting in a queue and then someone taps you on the shoulder and says..ehem it's your turn next...and you'd drifted somewhere else....and sometimes people say... oh Richard I know you were describing relaxation and I'm not sure if I was relaxing, I think I was more monitoring what you were doing...you know I was wondering what NLP things you were doing...and I say youre right...your mind is wandering...it's wondering about the things that I'm doing..whether they are NLP processes or what it means you know. (note: the zip is singing in the background and lunch is getting close) and thats how it happens when you relax...because you know...........[R speeds up suddenly very fast] this is the speed I was speaking with at the start...this is my usual teaching speed by the way. It sounds like one of those records you know, like one of those records with Chipmunks on it where they speed up the record too much and sounds like wooooooowhats happening there? Because actually... [R says med.speed]..you were in a different state....[R slower]...you've slowed down...your breathings slowed down...your internal voice has slowed down...and now as it happens again...you feel it more...that there really is a change that happens as you relax...and it's just knowing what things happen as you relax...now....inside...[R back up to medium)...So we're going to come back in an hours time and play with NLP a little more and tomorrow I'm going to show you a little more about relaxing and you can relax more...And as you do that...youre learning how to relax quickly..not in 7 minutes because 7 minutes is waaay too long to relax...and you want to be able to relax in 1 minute... or 30 seconds... or 20 seconds...10 seconds...even in just 2 seconds or 1.....that's right... [R back to normal speed] Now of course if you are driving [R claps] during the lunch time 63

you want to be wide awake...This is important. Usually what people find is if your driving [R claps] then either you point one of those remote control things at your car and you press the button and it goes beep, beep...or else you put the key in the lock and you turn it [R claps] and either of those 2 things make you wide awake. And that means you can drive safely and when you come back this afternoon you can relax even more because from the research we know... When..You..Relax..You Learn More. And just 5 minutes Relaxation Means That You Learn 25% More...Of The Information From A Training. CD 1 C Keys to Success So when the developers of NLP studied people who where highly successful, then they found there were 5 things they were always doing: And one of them was they knew their outcome their goal. And so I want to say a little more about this and get you to practice with this process of setting goals the way the most successful people in the world do it. To give you an idea about what I mean by that... There's this guy named Conrad Hilton and you may not know of Conrad Hilton but you probably know of his grand-daughter...who has the name of some European city hmm was it Rome?...no...so if you've heard of Paris Hilton... Her Grandfather Conrad Hilton was in his own time rather well known...And so he ran a chain of Hotels known as the And so the interesting thing is, one day there was a reporter interviewing him...Now Mr. Hilton, I understand...I've looked on the Internet and I understand that you began your career by working as a Bell-Boy in a Hotel...(so you know the Bell-Boy is the guy who comes running when you ring the bell and they bring things for you and they bring you bags for you...and you give them tips and things)... So...what was it like only being a Bell-Boy...when now your in charge of a chain of Hotels? And Conrad Hilton looked confused...and he said... But I was never only a Bell-Boy. Oh the reporter's looking at his notes...and he says... I'm sorry sir, I thought I found on the Internet that you began as a Bell-Boy? And Conrad Hilton said... No, no. I began as a Bell-Boy...But I was never only a Bell-Boy. I was always in charge of a chain of Hotels...theres just some stuff you've got to do 1st. Now this sounds like a play on words but let me show you how it's not. It's about how successful people think of their goals. So, this morning I knew there was going to be a NLP training here...and so...I did some things to get ready. And at one time this morning I was eating my breakfast. Now if you happened to see me eating my breakfast and then you met me now...you might say to me...Wow Richard, what was it like being a guy who is only eating his breakfast, when now you're an NLP Trainer? And I would be completely puzzled...like I would say...What are you talking about?...I was never only a person eating their breakfast, I was always an NLP Trainer, it's just theres some things you've got to do 1st , otherwise you'll pass out if you don't eat at some time. So ah, do you understand? And so because I knew that this training was here, then I actually drove down from Auckland to Wellington a couple of days ago. See I didn't lay around in bed thinking...Well if the training is meant to manifest then it will manifest you know...its all up to the Universe..... I actually drove down because otherwise I knew that you guys would arrive and the doors would be locked see. And so, in the same way of course, I put some information about this when this training was going to be on the Internet a couple of years ago. Do you understand? Because I knew, well if there was going to be a training here now...then ah people are going to need to know about when it is...do you see. So all of those things were a part of my setting the goal to be here at this training. And being an NLP Trainer at this training is something that I experienced myself as...all of that time. But theres some things that you need to do 1st. And that is the way that the most 64

successful people think of their goals. So that's a very different to way to the way many people think about their goals...Where they kind of shift away from the usual experience where they don't have the thing and they kind of fantasize about wouldn't it be great...wouldn't it be great if I did this...(but they don't)...If you expect something to happen then you do the things you need to do to get there. The reason why Conrad Hilton was a Bell-Boy was because he knew he was in charge of a chain of Hotels and there were some things that he needed to do 1st. Do you get the difference? And I hope you get the...I hope you get whats the same in this as in 'The Secret DVD' and also whats different. Whats the same between this and 'The Secret DVD (I'm sure more people will now see it as a result of me explaining it) But a lot of people come to NLP Training after having watched 'The Secret' And what I'm wanting to do is to say...Here's whats similar about it is...If you set a goal...then you imagine that goal and you expect it to happen. But here's whats different about it...If you expect it to happen then you do the things that lead to it. You don't just sit around waiting and saying...Well I sent my message to the Universe and so now the Universe will manifest it...it's kind of like a Genie that appears...for those of you who've seen it. So the people who are most successful it turns out...don't really quite use 'The Secret' the way that it is in that film. And in fact of course...if you read around you can see on the Internet or read one of my articles about 'The Secret' on the Internet (email R if you want more info) But the thing is...most of the people who appeared on the film 'The Secret' don't believe it either. They've said since then; actually I feel uncomfortable with the way I was presented on the film and furthermore...the people who were quoted from history mostly didn't believe it... Some of them very much not! For example Winston Churchill was quoted as saying...If you imagine things... they just come into being. Actually that is part of a larger statement in which he said...If you imagine things they just come into being...this is the kind of stupidity thats stopping people from getting anywhere. He really didn't believe it. So it is important, I like to make to make sure the stuff I'm teaching has actually been checked out. And really if you want to achieve things it's necessary to do stuff. And sometimes when people aren't achieving things it's because they spend a lot of their time fantasizing as if they have done. And so there's research about this and it's all in your information in your notes at the back of your manual. People spend a lot of time sometimes imagining that something has already happened and when we check people who are trying to change their body weight then we find that changing your body weight depends on doing things. And when people fantasize that they have reached their ideal body weight already...then they actually don't pay attention to the things they need to do as fully...So they don't treat it seriously. They think ahh it'll happen anyway cause I've imagined it...And thats not such a smart idea. So if we look at someone who is highly successful then...we see them going through a series of kind of steps almost naturally. One of the things is they get really, really clear about what their goal will be. (and here is the same as 'The Secret') Get really clear about what you'll...See and Hear. Let me give you a couple of examples: One is a guy who has had a lot to do with NLP: Steven Spielberg, have you heard of Steven Spielberg?...he makes movies and things. So Steven decided when he was 13 that he wanted to be a movie director and like most successful people then he starts out planning what he's going to do. Now when he's 17 his father knew someone who worked down in Universal Studios and so he's 17 and he went on a tour of Universal Studios and he went to visit his fathers friend. So he broke away from the usual tour party, went to visit his 65

fathers friend and had a look around the Universal Studios on his own. He went out to the back of the Studios to where the actors live in Caravans/Trailers in the back there. (Roseanne Barr complained that she grew up in a Trailer Park and then she became a famous actress...and lo and behold ends up living in a Trailer Park at the back of Universal Studios)...So he had a look at these and many of the Trailers are empty of course. He talked to the guy who was the guard at the gate...you know the guy who let people in and out of Universal Studios, he saw where they were making films and then he went home. Now thats what most people do when they do a tour of Universal Studios...they go and look around and go home. The next day Steven Spielberg came back, he was carrying a briefcase, and he walked through the gate and he said Hi to the man at the gate who waved him on through, cause he'd talked to him the day before so he knew he must work in there somewhere. Spielberg went around to the back of Universal Studios, goes to where the Trailers/Caravans are, and he went up to an empty one and opened his briefcase, took out a sign that he'd had painted...it said: Steven Spielberg director...and he put it up on the door of the Trailer. And he moved in for the summer holidays (from school this is) And thats how he became a director. In his briefcase he also had the script for a movie...The first movie that he ever Directed. And it took him 2 years to convince Universal Studios to make this movie...even though he was hanging out for a lot of that time in their property. Now this is a quite an interesting thing because when we track what did Steven Spielberg need to do in his head in order to get this to happen for him and we find out that 1st of all...he needed to think through very thoroughly What Will I See-Hear and Feel...when I'm a Movie Director?...Who do I talk to in the morning?... Who do I walk past?...What does my office look like?...What will it say on the door?...What kind of things do I need to have ready to convince somebody to let me make a movie? Thats what I mean by sensory specific...What will I See?...What will I Hear?...What will I Feel? Now here's the research - remember the 5000 people who had a major goal - now here's one of the main differences between the 2 groups...the 10% who achieved their goal and the 90% who didn't. The 90% who didn't achieve things...Their goal would be something like...I want to be happier...or ah I want to have better relationships...or I want a great job...Now do you hear the problem with these? Thats not really clear about whats going to happen. And when someone asks them... So you know, when you've got a great job, what will you see and hear? They would say...Everything will look brighter...ah what will I hear? Ah well...Good things. It's too general...So their brain and body doesn't know what to do to get there. And knowing what to do to get there is the point of goals. Let me say this really really clearly...The point of having goals...Is to do things. The point of having goals...is to motivate you to get to where you want to get...No More & No Less. That is so important...Goals are not magic...And here I'm parting company again from the famous DVD. Goals are not in themselves...the magic that makes everything work. They are a way of motivating you to do things...to get to where you want to be...thats all. And so Spielberg needed to be really clear about that and he needed to be really clear about When he was going to be a Director. People who are very successful they actually plan a time by which they're going to achieve something. They don't just say...Well some time it'll happen...it'll happen cause I put it out there. That's not enough for a person who's successful...they want to know when...When will it happen. Now quite often, it will take them a little longer or a little less. In fact when we do research mostly peoples estimate of how long something is going to take...is not big enough. When we check with University 66

students...How long they expect it to take to write a unit?... (some of you will know this yourself from your own experience)...so we ask them how long do you think it will take you to write this University paper?...And their estimate is usually way shorter than the time it actually takes. And the time it takes, is usually much longer...than their worst possible estimate. So if you say to them...What would be the worst case?...And they say aaah it would take me 5 weeks at worst, but I should get it done in 2....It's going to take 6...Thats what they mean...thats on average. So this is important to know...that getting good at estimating how long somethings going to take is part of succeeding. Because when people don't have a realistic estimate then sometimes it's true that they get kind of depressed just because they think they should have achieved it by now so they give up...They don't get that thats feedback that tells you it takes longer than that. And a really good example is being an NLP Practitioner...for those of you who are wanting to be fully Certified NLP Practitioners and then...Certified NLP Master Practitioners...and running a Coaching Business or something...you know...Coaching/Counseling Mostly when people don't succeed with something like that...It's because they expect they can just put up a notice outside the door of an office somewhere and the next week they'll be earning lots of money. And actually...Keep your day job is the answer. Because you do actually need a bit of time to build up clientele. And building up clientele is something that as people get to know that you're there...then they start to coming to see you. So the biggest mistake people usually make is thinking that it's going to happen real quick and then giving up. So... The time...Now how do you know if something is realistic time? Well what you do 1st of all...Is you imagine that someone who is really good at setting goals...like Steven Spielberg...came into your body and they've got your resources...They need to do the things that you need to do to stay alive (cause their in your body right?)...And they have your amount of money...And they have your friends and contacts...But they're really enthusiastic about achieving their goals!...So how long would it take them? That's a realistic time. Then we only have to work out...How you do it. Do you understand? See its useful to know...Whats a realistic time for anyone to achieve this...and then...Next thing is... How would they do it....So that You Know the How of how to do it...Which is different than The Secret. So, *Sensory Specific *Timed Now if Steven Spielberg had said...My goal is to Not to end up in a dead end job...It wouldn't work. And so thats the Positive thing... like... What do you want? ...It's different to the Blue Tree. What do you want instead of the Blue Tree? And there are questions that I ask when I'm guiding someone to think through this process...I ask them a series of questions...(these are in your notes actually)...and that is on pg.6 in these notes. So I ask this person... When do you want to have this outcome?...Put yourself in the situation of having it...step into your body...what do you see what do you hear what do you feel when you have it? If the person says...Well I don't feel anxious...Then I say...Well if you don't have anxiety...What do you have instead? And thats the question for...2) State in Positive language...If you don't have that...What is it that you will have? But I don't need to ask that Number 2) question if they've said all positive things. So Steven Spielberg of course um also needed to pay attention to number 3) to something else about achieving this goal...and that is...In order to become a Director, he was choosing to 67

hang out at Universal Studios through the day...All through summer...when he's 17...In LA. Which means his friends are at the beach...Thats not a problem but sometimes it will be. That what you need to do in order to achieve a goal is going to effect the whole system that you have in your life. And you need to think about how will I deal with these other effects? Thats the questions that are listed as Ecological here. And in the research about the 5000 people...One of the clearest differences as well was that...The people who succeeded...considered what things might go wrong?...So they didn't just think positively...they thought...If, I do this...what challenges might happen in my life?...What else might change...as a result in me doing this that I might need to take care of? Pause That is important as well. Pause So, for example... They researched people who were trying to loose weight...And what they found is that...If they ask the person at the start of their goal setting...So imagine that your invited to a social event and there's a lot of really nice food there and someone asks you...Come on, have one of these yummy cakes...Then how would that be? Now the people who thought oh that would be totally easy...No problem at all... These people were at risk. So you'd think that those people are being really positive but what they're being is really naive. Because its a complex situation, it's not as simple as that and the people who were successful are the people who actually thought their way though. They thought...How will I deal with the social situation where someone asks me to eat something...perhaps they've actually cooked it and they want me to experience this and I'm trying to avoid that kind of food? And when they said... Well that would be difficult and I'll have to think more about how I'm going to do that...They were going to succeed. And thats Ecology. I ask a couple of questions here: What will you gain if you have this outcome?......thats the good stuff What will you loose if you have this outcome?......what will the risks be...what will the challenges be? Now if the person says...well actually that would be difficult because I would not be able to compliment peoples cooking by eating it all time...like sometimes I'd have to say no. So that means I'd loose the ability to just enjoy appreciating their food. Then I say...How can you create new ways to get whats important to you and reach the goal? So how can you find new ways to compliment their food and still reach your goal? So I don't tell them...I just ask them...so what do you reckon how can you have both things? Ecology is about the consequences. It's a metaphorical use of the word, it's the same as...If we cut down all the trees then thats good because we've got all this wood...But on the other hand...what are the consequences? Ok so what would happen if we cut down all the trees? Well, hillsides will run down into the rivers and flow out to the sea and then we can't plant stuff and we don't get any rain if we don't have rain forests... stuff like that. So how can you create new ways to get what you do want? Like some times a person will say...Well my goal is to give up smoking. So the 1st thing I ask them is...If you don't have smoking...what will you have? Because I want them to think about having healthy lungs rather than have them thinking about stopping the Blue Tree (which is stopping smoking) So if you have healthy lungs...is there anything you'd loose? And I've actually talked with people who say...well the people at my work they hang out together and they smoke. And thats where all the important planning is done and then you go back into the office and then you just do the kind of technical details with stuff. And they actually need to think through...how you get what you want...like to be a part of that planning without ending up smoking yourself? Its a realistic issue. 68

So the other thing about ecology is...Is there anything in your life that you don't want to be affected by it? Are there any situations you don't want this goal to affect? So ah, sometimes a person tells me their goal is to make this huge amount of money. And I ask them is there any area in your life you don't want it to affect? And they realize, well I don't want it to affect my time with my family like this is really important to me...I don't want to lose my family in order to make all this money. Sometimes people say...No I'm really happy with my goal all the time. I need to check this carefully because for example...Someone might say...my goal is to be energized and enthusiastic; like I'm not dynamic enough and I really want to be dynamic. So I say...is there any situation in your life that you don't want to be effected by being dynamic...where you don't want to be dynamic?...and they say...No, no I want to be dynamic all the time. (these people haven't yet had insomnia). Lying in bed and being dynamic all night...isn't so smart. Sometimes people say to me...I want to be assertive...And I say ok well Sensory Specific...what will you See and Hear when your assertive? (do you hear assertive is a very general idea) So then they say ok well, I want; If someone asks me to do something and I don't want to do it...I'll say no. So now we have a description of what they want...I know saying no doesn't sound very positive but it is actually what they'll do...they'll say no if someone asks. So I say is there any situations you don't want this to affect? No; I'd like that goal all the time. These people have never been stopped by the traffic police. So it depends where you come from but in NZ if a traffic cop stops you and they say...Excuse me but that was a red traffic light back there that you just drove through and...then it's not a good time to say...No I'm sorry this isn't a good time to discuss this right now and I have somewhere really important that I need to get to.....This is the wrong time...This the time to be really polite, apologetic, unassertive. Part of assertiveness training is to know when to be assertive and when to just be quiet. So. Its not always true that a persons goal is to effect everything in their life...You do want to check...is there anywhere you want to leave alone? OK thats all Ecology. Now the next thing I ask the person is, and its just a check to check that their brain understands this... I ask them ok what about if you get this goal...does it have a feeling like it increases your choices? Sometimes a person tells me...I have a part of my life that I don't like. Like they tell me I want to give up...I'm over using alcohol...I've been told I'm probably alcoholic. And I want to give up alcohol. So they say...there's a bad part of me, could you cut it out? Like your an NLP Practitioner...make it go away. This is the... I have a friend Steven Gilligan and he says this is the Mafia Don model of NLP Once people know that you do Hypnosis or NLP they come and see you and say [note:R uses Mafia imitation]... I just want you to get rid of thisYa know I don't even care...I don't want to know how you do it. It's just business, right...Just get it out...take it away, I don't want to have it And so, it's really not like that I'm afraid...I have to say sorry, I don't do that stuff, talk to the people next door at Mafia Incorporated...Cause if we go ahead and take it out, this is what we're going to find...What we're going to find is that the piece (like the alcohol and drinking) is connected to other pieces... It's connected to how they relax, cause they drink to relax in the evening. Just a couple of drinks before I ...have the next couple of drinks before I.....fall asleep. They use it to deal with conflict...So the way that they deal with conflict without screaming and stuff is they go and have a drink. And they use it to go and build friendship because they drink with their friends. And so there's all sorts of things in their life that are connected to this...And if we take it out...They are going to end up with a drastically diminished life style. And their brain knows it and it won't let it go. So this way of changing just does not work. Here's how change works much better. The person comes to me and says I've got this problem with drinking. And so what I do is I work with them to add more and 69

more choices. I work with them to find more ways to relax. More ways to resolve conflict. More ways to create friendship. Now when they have all these things, they could still drink...But why would they bother? They don't need it to relax in the evening. They don't need it to resolve conflict...They don't need it to make friends. So what I'm doing is I'm adding more choices...Instead of trying to take them away. Your brain doesn't like taking away choices... Its built to keep adding more neural networks through your life time. This is why as people get older they have so many neural networks... they have lots of choice at each decision point. Have you noticed this? They think its something is going wrong. It's a funny thing like people get more and more information and so when they go to make a decision it takes them a little longer because they cross connect it with other stuff. And this used to be called wisdom. And now its called...a senior moment. Like can you hear the difference in the kinda cultural attitude here. Like wisdom means being able to connect each moment to all these other moments and understand its significance in terms of the whole. And this is a very smart thing and most cultures have through history have understood that. There are some tasks, for example flying a fighter jet where you want to make some quick decisions or it appears that way in the movies anyway. So mostly what I'm aiming to do here is...to do what your brain does best and keep adding choices for a person. So that they have more and more ability in their map to use other methods. And in fact from the research we know that this is the most effective way that someone does something like give up alcohol. So the way that people stop addictions, smoking, drugs, alcohol and so on...when we actually research people who have successfully stopped using an addictive substance...on their own...then here's what we find...We find that the most effective way to give up an addiction...Is to Fall In Love...This is very, very successful!! And we know why actually...In the brain when someone falls in love...then the chemical balance in the body changes...And theres a chemical you may have heard of called oxytocin. And oxytocin is a chemical that is produced in massive quantities when you fall in love. And it kind of cleanses the brain and leaves it open to new possibilities. And so it allows you to fall in love. And so this is a very effective thing...when it clears the brain it leaves it open to new possibilities...It Accidentally Clears Addictions. And the 2nd most successful way...in the research on Self Change by Prochaska & diClemente... and they are now well known the field of addictions counseling, did an NLP style thing... They studied people who actually gave up successfully and they wanted to find out what they did that was different. And what they found was that they didn't go to AA programs, they didn't go to 12 step programs or anything like that...They did some very simple stuff. So, they often fell in love, they often changed their job and found a job that was very fulfilling that they really enjoyed doing... Those are real successful ways of giving up addictions.....And you can see why...Because they add choices...They add choices...And the person feels like they could use that old choice...But Why Would They?...Why would they drink when they've got this wonderful thing happening? So when I'm helping someone set a goal, I just want them to check, do you notice that this goal is going to increase your choices because if they say no, then I want them to think about it more and I want them to tell me more. It's just to remind their brain that... Hey, This Goal Is going to give you Heaps More Things To Do In Your Life. It's going to give you new ways to get this thing and new ways to get that thing. Thats what I mean by choice. The next thing I do is I want to check that the person knows that they will have to do something. That it's not a Magic Genie. So I ask them what will you need to do in order to 70

achieve this? Now when people are not used to setting goals, there's a couple of interesting things that happens. One of the things that happens is that they get scared about which goal they should set. So when people are not used to setting goals...so I say ok we're going to practice setting goals - successful people do it - and they say yes...So I say...So what kind of goal would you like to set? And they say oh um well I'm not really good at setting goals. So this is the 1st thing, when theyre not used to setting goals...it's like any muscle when it's not used...then it feels a little strange when you 1st start using it. But if you keep practicing with it, it keeps getting stronger and stronger and easier and easier to move. This is really important to know and I would recommend to people who have not set goals before is.... Just Do Something & Play With It.....Like it will get stronger and if you don't like it...then you're allowed to throw it away tomorrow...You really are...It's in the rules...I've checked... So you're actually allowed to change your mind. And so when I'm with someone who is not used to setting goals...and when I ask them...So what will you do to achieve this? Often they don't know...and thats alright...That doesn't mean something terrible has happened. It just means wow this is so interesting...so it would be worth thinking... so what are some of the things you could do? And here's why...because I want them to think...What is the very 1st little thing that I will do? When people successfully set a goal...they work out what's the 1st tiny thing I could do in the next 24 hours? Think Steven Spielberg...so what he does is...he works out not only what he could do in the next 5 years or sort of thing but...What could I do today? And I guess with him it's a little extreme. Now let me give you another example of this...Most people in NZ have heard of Kate Shephard... how many people have heard of Kate Shephard? Ok, so let me tell you who she is. She is the woman who was the kind of central organizer in the movement to get women the vote in NZ...alright? And NZ was the 1st country in the world where women got the right to vote. Now imagine what it was like to have as a goal... to achieve something that has never been achieved in world history. Can you imagine? Like to get a democratic vote in a large scale country...ah for women. So she can't say...Hey they're doing it in America so lets do it here..or something like that. It's just a New Idea. And so what happened was that...NZ women got the vote...actually took the vote...like they didn't just get it handed to them or something...NZ women got the vote...And it was about 30 years before British women got the vote. Very similar culture...So Kate Shepherd soon after NZ changed...Kate Shepherd was in Britain and an interviewer asked her...So what do think is the cultural difference between NZ and Britain? And she said I don't think its a cultural difference at all...She said I think its that we got really clear about our goal. And so at the time in fact, In 'The Womens Movement in NZ' people had lots of different ideas about what their goal should be and so there was an idea...well to improve a womens condition well one of the things we could do...Is to stop the use of alcohol...you know because the idea was...that men get drunk and then they beat up women...you know... So that lead to The Prohibition Movement...you know?... So that was a movement to ban the use of alcohol and make it illegal in NZ and America, for example where it was successful for a while ...And so of course then... When women tried to get the vote, they would present it to the parliament and the parliament would say...You think we're going to give you the vote so you can make drink illegal...We all drink in the evening so are you kidding? And so, they ah They wouldn't do it, they wouldn't do it!... And Kate Shepherd understood that it was useful for them to work out...What's the 1st thing we need here? And if women get the vote...then women will be able to work out the differences that they want to make more effectively after that... So she got really clear about the goal. So she said, thats what enabled them to succeed and it was a matter of 71

thinking ...Whats my goal and What am I going to do to make this happen? There's one more thing that people who are good at achieving goals do...and that is...That they work out what things they've got inside, that would enable them to do this. And I'm going to show you more about this tomorrow. So when it says your resources ..um..it doesn't just mean external resources like money and things like that. It means inside you...what things have you got that would help you to help you achieve this? And let me give you an example of this, what I mean by a resource in this way. How many people have traveled overseas at some time in your life...from the country you where born?...A lot of people ok... Now the 1st time you travel overseas it seems like a Big Deal. Its like a massive thing...Its like will I have the money...and when I get to this place will I be able to do the things I normally do? Like if its a place that speaks a different language. How will I be able to order a cup of tea or something like that? Ok, so theres a whole lot of things to work out like that. And it seems like a enormously, risky, challenging thing to do...But once you've done it once...It's easy. So when you go overseas next time...it's nothing..right? Because you know what its going to be like. And so what it means is that ...the 2nd time... Here's whats different...The 2nd time you go overseas...you have in your mind a clear idea of whats going to happen. And so its as though you've already done it. Now...successful people never ever do something for the 1st time.......They always have a clear idea of whats going to happen.....Do you get how thats working? And so how do they do that? They're sneaky ...What they do is transfer it from one place to another. So they take the feeling and the skills that they used in one part of their life ...like I achieved this goal in my life and I did this and this and this and it really worked. So they take it over here and they do the same kind of stuff. And thats what I mean by a resource...They take the ability they had in one place and they say I've got that...I can do that here...They use that resource over here. So I'll show you this...when you set a goal with someone...because thats what I'm going to ask you to do. I'm going to get you to work just up to here because we're going to deal a lot with resources tomorrow. I'm going to show you how to do this piece in detail tomorrow...It's going to be called a resource anchor. For now though, what I want you to do though is to....Choose a goal that you could play with, with someone. And so to choose something like this ...remember: If you are new to kind of consciously setting goals...that this is something that you will improve with time. I find that with people who are familiar with setting goals...sometimes whats happened is that early on in their life, they got the idea that it wasn't a good idea to set individual goals. So it wasn't as if someone stopped them...It was more like they just got a lot more approval when they tried to workout what everyone else wants. And so ah...like in Japan ... Culturally this is different from place to place. So when I'm working in Japan...thats really common...and its really common especially for women...And ah probably its a cross cultural thing... that its more common for women that they're going to pick up this idea that their going to get a lot of approval if they do what everyone else wants...rather than if they work out what they want. And so theres nothing going wrong...its just worth noticing...Oh yeah thats the idea I picked up when I was young.... And now I could re-decide because there might be some places where it might be useful to have some goals. Some people have an idea about goals that .. if I set a goal I'm kind of limiting the universe...you know like...Who am I to tell god what we should do..kind of thing...and ah.. There's this really cool quote about this that I usually use when I'm explaining this to people who say this...And its from Mahatma Gandhi said...you 72

know. His goal by the way was to take the biggest empire in the world... and take it's largest colony... and break them apart. It's an extreme kind of goal..you know...And again something that hadn't happened in history...And to do it without killing people. So this...... is an outrageous idea...and people asked him don't you think that's a bit arrogant to think that you could achieve this in history? And the way he described it is he said ...Well, God gives us all sorts of things. He gives us hands, he gives us a brain, and this brain has the ability to plan.. And he doesn't give us all these things just thinking that we'll leave them to waste...you know. He gives us these things expecting that we will do things with them. So the power behind the universe...wants you to do things. And Mahatma Gandhi said his way of thinking about it was...He used this ability that he was given...and then...He leaves it to the universe..what actually happens...So he leaves it to god what actually happens...do you get the idea of... how this happens? In India...In Hinduism this would be called Karma Yoga...So it's the idea that... You do things...and ah ...and then...you know... it's up to God what happens. Of course as you do stuff then you get feedback which gives you a better ability to set goals. And if you have that kind of belief system. A better ability to understand where the universe or God wants you to be. Ok so I'm just offering that because I know some people are cautious about goals...like who am I to set a goal...I should just leave it to God or the universe or fate or something. Now I'm going to get you to think of some goals that you would like achieve. And heres another thing about it that I think is quite important...Is that when we ask people what goals they have for the next year...they usually over estimate what they can achieve in a year. When we ask people what their goals are for the next 5 years...they grossly underestimate what they could achieve. So if you try and achieve everything you want in your life in the next year...then it doesn't work very well. But if you plan for the next 5 years, ah then you'd be amazed at what you could achieve. So for example: since when I 1st did my Practitioner Training, from where you are now, on the 1st day of NLP Practitioner Training...5 years later I was Training on 3 Continents every year...as an NLP Trainer. And so that was my whole new lifestyle. So at the time I was doing this (NLP Training) I was working as a teacher at the Polytechnic in the University system here in NZ...And I shifted career entirely. And in 5 years I had this kind of lifestyle I have now of traveling around the world and stopping off at Tropical Islands (well you gotta rest somewhere). So what I'm going to ask you to do is to take 5 minutes to start writing down some goals. Now I want to reassure you that you are allowed to continue doing this in your own time afterwards. So don't worry that you won't be able to get it all written down...Because it turns out that you can keep planning for the rest of your life.. it's in the rules.. And so as you think about this...of course one of the things that people often associate goals with..is earning money. And in popular culture like in 'The Secret' thats kind of encouraged a little bit in some ways. Of course earning more money is something you might set as a goal. Of course its also true that you might set goals for your relationships. When people look back at the end of their life...Relationships are often pretty important. And so setting a goal - remember the most successful people, and this was one of the examples that the researchers used, when theyre setting a goal for a relationship...the most successful people would say something like...My goal is that I want to be able to with this person spend such and such hours per week doing such and such type of activity. That kind of really detailed stuff...rather than We'll be happy together. So very specific things. You are allowed to set goals for Relationships, You are allowed to set goals for your sense of Spirituality...for your sense of relationship with everything that is. It is in the rules..really. So your allowed to say right now I feel disconnected from the Universe and...Here is what would be happening that would let me 73

know that I'm on track Spiritually....Like want to do these things and these things and these things. Like in the history of Europe people kind of...you know that in the history of Europe religion became uncool for quite some time..right? Because they had a lot of wars about religion and so people kind of lost.....When I teach in Europe if I speak about Spirituality people immediately say... You understand you are in Europe...so we don't have Spirituality here in Europe. So its kind of interesting. One of the things that happened in Spirituality that people thinks a little odd in the West now is...Pilgrimages..you know where you go on a journey to somewhere, and ah one of the things about Pilgrimages thats really interesting, I think is like..It's a Goal.. and it enables you to focus your energy. And so instead of just saying I will be more Spiritual..it gives you something that you are aiming for. And a there are still religions where..I am on a major Pilgrimage.. is still a powerful goal and has a really strong meaning in the religion. And one of the advantages of that, is it gives you a kind of a focus for all of the things that are hard to measure. In the West we think ah whats the difference, one place or another place its all the same planet. But I don't think thats the point..I think its this feeling of having a goal. So I'm saying, Spirituality, Career, Money, Relationships and you're allowed to have goals about Your Body. Your allowed to decide that you want Your Body to become more flexible, that you want to be able to do such and such activities each day. You know its such a fascinating thing, like when I was 30 when I woke up and noticed that my body didn't feel good anymore. And I thought wow, I'm getting old. It turns out that thats a mistake..It turns out that when I was a kid, I used my body a lot. You know when you watch parents taking kids around town and the parent walks like this [demo walking in a line] and the kid walks like this [demo running around] They run around and climb walls and jump and so on. Now if you don't move a muscle for 10 years...it doesn't work very well...thats all. It doesn't matter whether your 5 years old, or 50 years old, or 90 years old, if you don't use something for 10 years it doesn't work very well...its as simple as that. So of course, eye sight is one of those things and I have a friend Leo Ankhart and he's a NLP Trainer who specializes in changing peoples eye sight. So he takes people who have massively incorrect vision problems and he shows them how to (in a very short period of time, in a couple of weeks ) they can shift their vision so they can see at least within the normal range and often much better. And mostly what he's doing isn't magical at all. I used to be short sighted and I used to have to wear glasses all the time... ...mostly what he's doing is showing people how to exercise their eye muscles...cause there's these little eye muscles that are supposed to shift in and out to allow you to focus. And when people don't use them...see in our culture right now...see one of the things I do a lot each day is look at a screen [demo] that sits right about here...And thats all I do...I look at it for ages...There is no way in the natural world that any animal would do something like that. Like if you live in a forest or you work outside your constantly looking out at the horizon and looking back so your using those muscles, constantly shifting your focus...and it keeps your eyes flexible. But if you don't use them for 10 years then they don't work as well. And its not age, it has nothing to do with age. This is important to know...So age related body challenges...If you talk with someone who is 90 notice how their tongue works...cause they use it every day, it works really well because they use it every day so it gets exercise. When their legs don't work so well...its probably because they don't use them as much. Ok. And people in sports understand this. You can set a goal for your body of what you want to be able to achieve. Sometimes people who are in other fields don't get this...It's just as easy to set goals for your body. Now people who are into sports...its just as easy to set goals for your relationship. People who are in coaching and counseling, they already get that, ...they just got to get that about the body. So what I want you to do is to 74

think very widely about these goals. So what I want you to do over the next 5 minutes or so is to write down some of those goals you have. Keys to Success CD 1D So what I'm going to do now, is to demonstrate this with someone who has a goal, that they would like to achieve, and when they think about it now...it seems fairly doubtful...you know it seems like, yeah I'd like to achieve this but I'm not sure if I can. And it needs to be something that you feel ok talking about. But the secret to what I'm going to be doing here is, I'm not going to ask any difficult questions. The only questions that I'm going to ask you are the questions that are written down in your notes. So you know what I'm going to say. Who's got an example? That means youre going to get to do 2 today by the way. [Demo] R So whats your goal...what would you like to achieve? P I'm going to go overseas and do some voluntary work. R Right wow!...ok that sounds cool. So ah do you know what sort of voluntary work your going to do? P Either teaching or community work. R Right, right, so the thing thats in common with that is that you'll be...between those 2 things is you'll be teaching and the community work is that you'll be working with people...And ah tell me a little bit more about what you will hear and see that will tell you that your doing the right stuff. P It's going to be total immersion in a community, working mainly with people who I'll get to know on a personal level.. R right, right yeah so you saw them in your mind then didn't you? P yeah yeah etc. P Also I know that I'll be replacing somebody in the project and that someone else will be replacing me in the program afterwards R yeah, yeah right etc. So you'll feel like your a part of this whole... P organic thing...And ah just to make a difference in someone else's life...and it would also help me appreciate what I have here.. R yeah yeah P. which I don't think I always appreciate. R So you can imagine yourself as your kind of working over there..almost looking back to your life here and realizing.... P . possibly or maybe when I get back here cause when I'm there I'll be so immersed in what I'm doing and the people I'm working with and what ever difference I can make .. R right got it.. yeah that reminds me a lot of what it felt like when I came back from Bosnia actually. Like people over there are traumatized from 3 years of war and come back here and someone comes up and says I've got a phobia of spiders - this is easy. ok So now I'm going to ask you when you'd like to achieve this by? And so let me explain whats kind of realistic about this...Realistic means that you might not know how exactly you're going to do this yet but it's possible for someone to do it...The way I usually say it is...you know how you hear about someone like Steven Spielberg or Kate Shepherd or someone who is really good at achieving goals...If they came into your body, and they are going to have your resources: they have the people you know, they have the money you have, they have the time you have 75

available and they've got this incredible ability to achieve goals...How long would it take someone like that..to do this?..Cause then we just need to work out how. What do you reckon.. how long? P ah I think you could probably do it in a couple of months. R right wow..So now that you know that...and it doesn't mean you have to do it that way. So when would you like to do this by? P By next winter. R alright winter ok so what month is that? P June/July R. ok so by August next year 2010 you would be in some other place seeing those faces and doing that stuff/.. P yeah R Great ok. So if you do this - I know you already said some of this - but if you have this..What will you gain? P I'm trying to think of it as giving rather than gaining... R right and so paradoxically in a way what you'll gain is the ability to give.. P yeah R Is there anything that you'll lose as a result of doing this? P um Well I guess there is inherent dangers so you could lose your health..could contract an exotic disease. I could find myself in a war torn dangerous situation. I could put myself in a place where there is a natural disaster...those are the only possible losses. R yeah right and they're all over there..is there nothing you would loose over here? P yes I would loose 3 months salary. R ok right so ah the salary..is it alright to lose then? P yes R Is there anyway you can achieve your goal And preserve your safety? P Well yes I can take all practical preventions R Ok good, so do you think that through the whole process of achieving this goal...Does it feel like you will you increase your choices? P Yes. R And between now and then..What do you need to do to make this happen? P I'll need to enroll in the program and pay the money and then as soon as that is done I can start fund raising for the trip. I'm a little apprehensive about the fund raising, it's going to cost $1000's of dollars and I'm not sure how to do it, they give us assistance but it's new to me. R yeah so thats another piece you'll need to learn about... So thats what you're going to do then...Your going to enroll in the program, your going to work out how to raise the funds, and those are the main pieces to it. P yes R Now you've done some things already because you know how to get into the program so you've already checked some stuff ..What else is there thats a small thing you can do within the next few days that would move you towards that? P Well I could pay my deposit and I could talk with a person who has already been to the place I'm intending to go and learn more from hearing their experience and any advice they have (I have their contact details already) So I could contact the person and arrange to meet sometime. R yeah right...so these are things you could actually do over the next few days? P Yes R And you are going to be here over the next week or so, so you could even talk to some of 76

the other people here about what you've done etc. P Yes R now I'm going to ask you the question I'm not going to ask the rest of you to ask when your working together on this. Now I know you've done some pretty big things in your life as in major goals that took a lot of organizing and didn't just happen over night, that when you thought about before you would have thought wow this is a really big thing to do and its going to be really hard work - like I know you've traveled around the world as an example but you managed to do it and feel really good about it afterwards right? Ok, So you don't even have to tell us what it is but choose a really good one. Choose one that when you think about it you think...that was a really big to do, it took a lot of energy, it took a lot of time...Have you got one? P Yep. R And you knew how it felt when you had achieved it? P Yep R And you know what its like when you achieve it...I've done this...I'm here...I've made it...You know what that feeling is like? And now imagine that good feeling when your over there..doing this work that you want to do... P yes. R. Ok thats all for that little piece... and we'll do more of that in detail tomorrow. Now here's the thing, over there when I asked you to find a goal that when you think about it, it seems like a challenging thing to do...Think about this goal now and notice how does it feel now compared to how it felt when you were over there? P I feel excited...happy...all positive feelings R yeah, yeah so thats more so than when you were over here? Isn't that cool? Cause it really only took a few moments... P yeah it feels great almost like I've already done it. R Awesome thank you very much. [Clap clap] Ok so this is what your going to do with someone, you are going to sit down in a pair with someone and ask them the questions on page 6. And ah let me just go through these questions so you know what it is that you're asking them. The 1st thing is, you can say, so that you understand this, is you can ask them what date they intend to have this by. And if you were doing this with someone else outside of this course..you could use the little story I told you about imagining someone that is really good at goal setting who had an incredible belief about this, who had all your resources and imagining how long it would take them to achieve this goal...and use this to measure whether it's realistic or not. Because if they couldn't then it probably wouldn't be realistic. And then put yourself in the situation of having it, step into your body and What do you see..What do you hear..What does it feel like actually being in that situation. And then the next part 'the positive language'...I didn't need to ask this in the demonstration and you will only have to ask this if they say something like.... It won't be like this So if they say something like: When I imagine what I'll see... I won't be afraid. Then I would say something like...If you are not afraid...What are you instead? And then I went on to say..What will you gain and What will you lose? And if there are things they will lose that they'll regret losing, then I'll say: So how can you create new ways to get what is important And reach this goal? I didn't ask this in the demo by the way but the next question is... Is there any situation in your life that you don't want this outcome to affect? 77

I asked does this outcome increase your choices? And I asked what do you personally need to do...to make this happen? And then I asked what is a small step that you can take over the next few days? It doesn't have to be big, it just has to feel like something is moving. And when your brain knows that you're already doing stuff then it has the feeling well it might as well carry on. Tomorrow we're going to learn more about that last question I asked...All I did was I said...Think of a time when you've achieved something like this...And you know what it felt like when you'd achieved that and you now realize this is what its going to feel like to achieve this. Like I said when you've been overseas once..it's nothing the 2nd time. So, this whole process only takes about of an hour. And thats quite important and here's why... If you were asking someone these questions and they were good at thinking about blue trees...If you give them too much time, they'll actually tell you stuff that isn't useful. Like they can start getting into their doubts and fears and stuff and we're just not dealing with that stuff right now. Going through this fairly quickly speeds the person through with this way of thinking. And thats quite useful. It stops them slipping back into their old way of thinking about it..by just tracking this way of thinking that successful people use. The next part of this process then after doing some things...and the aim of goal setting is to get people to start doing some things...The next thing is to notice what results your getting. And in NLP the sort of fancy name for that is Sensory Acuity. So sensory acuity means... having the sensory acuity to notice...whats the result of what your doing? And in terms of working with people which is what I'm going to focus on this afternoon with this...sensory acuity means actually paying attention to...when I'm doing this,..how is the other person responding. So sales people who are really good at selling things...can notice as they're saying something...how the other person is reacting. And they change what their saying in the middle of the sentence to make it work for the other person. And teachers who are good at teaching, do that as well. They pay attention to what is going on with their students..and they adjust what their saying so that they the response they're expecting from their students. Like as an example of that with teaching..some of you have had the experience of teaching a group and sometimes someone in the group has a question...and they don't always ask the question immediately.....but when they have a question they kinda go like this...[demo]...and what that means is.. they've started the process of asking a question. But then they realize oh yeah I'm in a group..so they don't quite complete it. And its a useful thing for a teacher to notice it. Now then, sometimes if you just look at the person.. then they'll ask the question..because then it suddenly feels like oh I'm actually talking to a human being..I'm not in the group, I'm just talking to a person. And then, when a teacher responds to that...by the way I don't usually respond to questions by just answering them..but you'll get used to this...and anyway when a teacher responds to that though...there's a point where the person feels like they got their question answered..or they answered their question for themselves. So they say What happens with such and such?...and I say something...and go like this...[demo-sigh, sit back]...And its like their little light turned off. It's like on a airplane they have these little lights that you press to get someone to come and talk to you..you know and the little light goes on..and when they finish, they usually press the little button for you.. and turn it off. And so its like...their little light goes off and they sit back in their chair..and their question is answered. Now if they're still sitting up here then its useful for me to know that as a teacher..as a trainer....that their light hasn't gone off yet and they haven't had their question answered. And I may not decide to do it..but I just need to know that...its really helpful. So 78

those are tiny little things and ah to be successful as a teacher..means to notice those little things. And they sound little but inside a student..they feel big. Because what its like..its like..to look around the room and see that 75% of the people are falling asleep...This is really important to know but its amazing that teachers don't always notice it. Have you discovered this? Cause they just get off on teaching I suppose and their really enjoying it...so they don't notice that no one is learning. When I did teacher training you know and one of the people at the College of Education who was teaching us at the time...he was a real character, his name was John and he had a really strong NZ accent and um he was talking to us and then he went out of the room and someone else came in the room - one of the teachers from the teachers college...and he said...I had a interesting experience with John...one day I came in, in the morning and he was in the lecture theater...(so this guy John was in the lecture theater)...and he was teaching. And he was teaching enthusiastically and passionately you know like he had something really important to teach. And this guy looked around the whole lecture theater and there was No One there! And I thought oh dear, like something has gone really wrong with this guy. So at morning tea I went up to him and I said...John, I saw you teaching in the lecture theater this morning...and John said... Yes thats right..[strong accent]..I had a class scheduled so I taught this morning. So ah well John, I noticed you were teaching and No One was there. And John said No, no one turned up this morning. So he said, Well John why did you teach? And John said, Well thats what they pay me for...thats what I did. Now what this reminds you though...Is there is a difference between teaching and learning.....And the difference is...Noticing what goes on. Like so you can learn how to teach... but you also have to notice what results you get...when you do it. And its the same with selling. You can teach sales people how to sell stuff...but if they can't notice whats happening with the other person then it doesn't work...they don't sell stuff. Sometimes they keep on selling when the other person has already agreed. Really, I've watched this in shops...(its just so cool to watch people) One of the groups I teach around the country is The Retailers Association. So this is people who are managers or people who work in large shops around the country. And its just such a fascinating thing to walk in shops after that and watch what actually happens...and sometimes their selling things to people and the person has been trying to buy it for the last 5 minutes. And the person is saying yeah, yeah etc. and the sales person is still saying...And there's another thing you can do with this...and they are still selling because they haven't used the sensory acuity thing. Or sometimes the person totally doesn't want it and they keep on selling it cause they haven't noticed it yet. So, um what I'm going to do is I'm going to get you to practice a very simple process. We're going to do this visually and auditorily which means I'm going to get you to pay attention to the results your getting with someone else visually by seeing and then by listening. Now, to do this I'm going to ask someone to come and sit here and I'm going to get them to think...thats all your going to have to do... you don't have to say anything. And I'm going to get you to think about 2 people. Someone that you like, is one, and the other person is someone that at the time your thinking of, you didn't like but its ok to think about them still... (thats important). So often when I suggest this on NLP trainings people are often nice and they say...well there's nobody I actually don't like so...I say, ah let me just go through some categories and something may come into your mind. Ah, Bosses, Teachers, In law's, Politicians, and they say ahh I've someone...I've got someone. I don't know why it works but there you go. So what we want is someone who you can think of...and when you think of 79

them you can remember a time when you didn't like them..you didn't feel good about them. And then the other person is someone you really like. And what I'm going to do is I'm going to get you to think about each of these people..and the rest of us are just going to watch and watch what happens. So can I have someone to volunteer 1st of all. [Erika volunteers] So ah the rest of us are going to move around so that we can see. And you can close your eyes actually if thats alright, because otherwise there's other information that they get. Ok so now the 1st thing I'd like you to do is to think of someone you really like...and see that persons face in front of you there... and hear the kind of thing that person would say, that you really like...hear the sort of voice they would use...and feel what it would like if they were sitting beside you and saying those kind of things... Thats a nice feeling isn't it? [Erika says yes]. And you can see what this looks like. This is Erika thinking of someone she really likes......Excellent, now you can put that person gently to the side. Ok now, what I want you to do next is...to remember this person that its ok to think of..but at the time, you didn't really like...And see their face in front of you...and hear the sort of thing they would of said...the kind of voice they would have used...thats right...and feel what it would be like if they were beside you saying those things......And the rest of you...This is a different picture...right. Whew now you can put this person aside. Pause relax a second to clear the space a bit. Now without telling us which one it is...Is one of the 2 people taller than the other? [Erika: Yes] Ok so what I'd like you to do is close your eyes...And think of that person who's taller...And see their face in front of you...And feel what it would feel like if they were there beside you... saying the kind of things they might say and listen to the things they might say....Ok and as she does this...What I'd like you to do, is I'd like you to guess and I'd like to put your thumb up...if you think its the person that she likes...and put your thumb down if you think its the person that she doesn't like. Ok so you can watch if you want to just out of curiosity...and you can put that person to the side now. And so now have a guess, just out of memory, now we're just guessing like we're just playing...Whats your guess? Those people who thought it was the person she didn't like...if I can ask you and we can model it...So what did you see?...How did you know it was the person she didn't like? a) Her lips went kind of tight b) tense c) her hands moved kind of tighter etc. This is really interesting to play with. So what we're going to do is I'm going to get you to be in 3's. And 1 person is going to do what Erica did...and think of each person in turn..with their eyes closed... and then you're going to get them to think of the 2 people randomly, and just choose without telling you...And the other 2 are going to guess. And its just a guess...we're just having fun. Now you know how to do this because...ah this is something that...as the guy I mentioned before, who did all the studies of facial expressions and emotions, Dr Paul Ekman, said... Emotions are intended to leak information...thats what they're for...They are a communication...They're not just inside a person...Emotions are a message to other people around them. And so of course when you were a child you noticed this...And some times when you noticed emotions,...you would mention it and some people around you would say Shhh ! Don't do that...don't talk about that. And they were trying to help you cause socially there are times when it isn't a good idea to comment on it...But its still a good idea to notice it. Do you see the difference? Your parents probably didn't know to tell you the difference. They may have meant to say, Hey we don't comment on this thing in public sometimes...but its really interesting to notice isn't it? Thanks very much [to Erica..clap clap] So, find another 2 human beings and remember what you're going to do... each time you're going to 80

ask them to... See the person,..Hear what they said,...And Feel what it would be like if they were beside you,..um doing those things. Cause that activates those different areas of the brain. [Post activity:] Ok lets check...When you're getting it right...What sorts of things are you noticing? a) ok the mouth, whether its thin or whether it turns up at the corners yes...b) the eye brows whether they go up or down. This is interesting because we teach in Japan as well and in English cultures a smiley face looks like this... [ :-) ] right? In Japan...thats not a smile. And the reason why is because, in Japan people don't move their mouths as much. They learn to control to control that movement and in Japan a smiley face looks like this... [ (^_^) ] thats a smile; Interesting eh? ...culture eh? It means they are paying attention to different things. What else did you notice then? Yeah right right, so they get relaxed or tight...And there is a color change with that, do you notice that? Like if these muscles are tight...then the color starts to go out...like the face gets whiter. And when the muscles relax...then it becomes more flushed. And the corner of their eyes crinkle when a person smiles in a certain way..............so yeah there's a special term for that a Duchenne smile - which was first recognized by the French physician Guillaume Duchenne.... but that kind of smile is very significant. The kind of smile where the eye muscles are moved is significant enough so that you can...they've done a very large research study where they look at High School Year Books that have photos of people. They're all smiling cause they're asked to smile and some of them are just smiling with their mouth... and some of them are smiling with their eyes, so their eyes are smiling. And the ones who are smiling with their eyes ...When they follow them up 10 years later say they're dramatically different,...They're much happier in their life...They have all sorts of other successes......Most of all they are most likely to be in a relationship their very happy with. So they have that ability to smile with their eyes. Yeah, what else did you notice? The hands, right so whether the hands were still and relaxed or tight...yeah yeah. The nostrils...Yeah, when someone....? sometimes their nostrils...[faded voices. And laughter] What else? Breathing yeah sometimes a persons breathing can shift from low breathing to high breathing and be tighter and be shaky...yeah yeah and shorter.... Sometimes the person will position their body differently like they'll actually ah sometimes when they think of the person they don't like...they'll actually pull their head back and its not so easy to see from the front but from the side you can see they've actually pulled back as if they've tried to avoid it...And with the other person they actually move forward. Ok the usual way that I demonstrate this Auditory Sensory Acuity: is that Julia does some talking in one of the other languages that she speaks which is Russian. Ok so I'm going to invite Elena (Kostyugova) to come up here and say some things...so do you want to come up here and I'll tell you what to say.........And what we're going to do is.......We are going to listen to her. And so Elena is going to talk about 2 people...and they need to be 2 people who are the same gender...ah like they have to be 2 men or 2 women. And one of them she (Elena) actually really likes...and the other one... (at the time she's talking about)...she didn't like. And by her talking in Russian about them...all except one of you...will be able to concentrate entirely on...What the sound of the talking is like. And so your task is to...kind of ignore the words and just listen to...What is the difference in the way that she talks between the 2 people. And so it can actually help for you to keep your eyes closed while you listen to the talking. 81

So to do this exercise, you're going to be in the same group of 3. And you just need 2 people this time they need to be both women or both men. (they can be the same 2 people as before..if they were both men or both women) One who you like and one who you didn't like at the time but its ok to talk about.You got 2 people like that? [Elena 1st talks (in Russian) about the person she likes. Then she talks about the person she doesn't like....Students listen to voice only.... and compare the sound with 1st example of the person she likes. Richard then has Elena talk about the way one of the same two people...and talk about the way they dress or the way they look without letting the group know which one she chooses. So just by listening to Elena's voice...the group tries to guess which one she talked about. Most people in the group guess that Elena was describing the person she likes. Asked why by R they refer to the...brisker speed, lighter tone, continuous flow. R mentions that he noticed that when she had been talking about the person she didn't like...she paused more often and there were more um's. Which is probably due to the fact Elena (like most of us) try not to say critical things about those people we don't like and don't fully express our true feelings about them...hence the pauses and um's whilst we think of nicer words but not our true thoughts of that person. Richard notes that] These are similar indicators of telling lies...as in...when people lie they more likely pause and um than when we tell the truth which comes out more fluent...according to Paul Ekmans research. So your going to be in the same group...and its a simple thing just like this again... you choose 2 people ... one that you like... and one that its ok to talk about, and has the same gender, but you didn't like. And the other people just listen...eyes closed. And person A talks about each of them... and then chooses one of them at random and describes either what they look like, or what their home is like. And while your listening, you are guessing which person their talking about. Got the Game? Ok so find those people and have fun. Anyway, there was this guy who's just moved to the large city.... Yeah so he's moved to the large city and of course he has heard from the taxi driver that its going to be the same as where he came from - You know like people are unfriendly and talk about each other behind their back and so on. And then he hears this woman from his office talking to the same taxi driver...(do you remember this?)...And she says what are people like in this part of the town? And the taxi driver said...What were the people like in the town you came from? And she said...Oh, thats why it was so hard to leave...I had such good friends there. You know in a small town people are so close there, support each other, always there for each other. And you know I just got on so well with people there...and it was such a big risk to come here to the city. And the taxi driver said, Well I've got some really good news for you...That's the way you'll find it is here. It's not about what is..out there...It's about the map you've got in your head..right? It's about the presuppositions. So there's Milton on his horse...remember?...And he came around the back of the house. And there is this guy who walks out of the back of the house (the farmer) and he looks at Milton with astonishment. And he doesn't recognize Milton so he knows he must have come from a reasonable distance away. So he says...That's my horse...How did you know to bring it back here? And Milton said...I didn't know, but the horse knew...And I just knew how to keep him on the road. And Milton said...You know, That's the way that you work with people...I mean thats the way you manage a team. You don't need to know where every person is supposed to stand...You just need to know how to keep them on the road. He said thats the way you do teaching...I don't have to know as a teacher, exactly what you want to learn out of this 82

training...I don't have to know as a teacher, exactly what things your learning and what things your letting go of. I just need to know how to keep you on the road. And he said, Thats how you do psychotherapy and coaching...You don't have to know which way your clients going...You don't have to know the war stories of where they've been. You just need to know how to keep them on the road. Thats the way you do parenting...You don't have to know exactly where your kids are going to end up in the world...You just need to know how to keep them on the road. And he said...But there's a much deeper meaning to this story....But you know we're right at the end of time...so.....I'll come back to that tomorrow. But anyway......Thanks for playing folks and thats the end of todays session and I'll see you tomorrow. [Clap clap] END OF DAY 1 / START OF DAY 2 Keys to Success CD 2A Ok, Welcome back. So today I want to carry on introducing you to The Keys to Success. And the other thing I want to do is give you an introduction to the whole field of NLP and Change. So that is to the field of using NLP processes to help someone make changes in their life. And to do that I want to give you a kind of overview of the types of change process there are in NLP. And one of my aims with this is for those people who are here for the weekend, that when you read NLP books after just doing this weekend...You would have a sense of understanding of whats going on and some experience of that. So mostly I'm kind of trying to think...even if someone just comes for the weekend ...How could they go away with something that enables them to keep learning on their own about NLP. Now if you're here for the week...or for the 3 weeks...Then whats going to happen over this day is that your going to get an introduction to this whole variety of things your going to learning over that period of time..of course. So to introduce these techniques to you, what I want to do is do something that is very simple, that incorporates all of the main NLP techniques. And something I said yesterday is that there's nothing new in NLP. So NLP is a way of describing things that have been happening all of your life. And NLP is a way of describing techniques that people used in every culture around the world. So since I also teach Traditional Chinese Exercise, I'm going to use a little process which is usually taught in Traditional Chinese Exercise and use it as a way of introducing NLP. So the process I'm going to introduce you to comes from my second hobby...(I have 2 hobbies and I haven't had a real job for years)..I just have hobbies..So its the best I can do to look professional is tell you about my hobbies. So my 1st hobby is NLP. And my 2nd hobby is usually called in China Chi Kung. Chi actually just means Energy you know like Physical Energy. And Kung means Work or Exercise. So it means Energy Exercises. Now I want to give you a simple scientific way of understanding what the Chinese are meaning when they say Chi Kung...So to do that can I get you to stand up...And the people from the back come into the front here and we'll stand around in a circle. Now can you put up your hand if you've never done anything that would be called :Energy Work or Chi Kung or anything like that...I just want a couple of people like that beside each other...Can I just get you to hold this little ball so that you're touching that little metal piece there with your right hand...and can you hold it with your left hand so that you're not touching her...you're touching the metal...[ball starts buzzing]...yeah its kind of tricky isn't it. Now can I get you to join hands around the 83

group...[ball buzzes]..., So now could someone who has never done this sort of thing before let go...somewhere across the group [buzz stops] Ok cool...Now join up again [buzz starts again]...Let go [buzz stops] Join up...[buzz starts]. Ok now this is something very simple of course...what is happening is that electricity is flying around the group. And the reason why electricity is flying around the group...is that your body runs on electricity. Now this is quite useful to know...But I just want to caution you before you go home and try it out...that not just any electricity...Like its not just anything works...Otherwise we could just plug into the mains and GOOD MORNING!!! and off we'd be for the day!!! But your body runs on electricity and there are 3 main areas in the body that generate this electricity. Now the brain is one of them. So all the cells in the brain generate this electricity. And ah when we scan the brain we can see the electricity going across there...its called Brain Waves. And if there are none of them by the way, if there is no electricity generated in the brain...What do we call that? [Death] Yeah its a bad sign medically. Now there's another place in the chest that generates electricity called the heart. And the heart over the last 2 years its interesting how fast our ideas change..um in the West -...over the last 2 years they've discovered that most of the cells that generate electricity in the heart are not actually heart muscle which is where they've thought it must be generated...Its that the heart is actually filled with nerve cells...So a lot of the tissue in the heart is nerve cells and thats why its generating the pulse...generating the activity. And thats why the heart is functionally, kind of like a brain. So it stores information just like the brain does. Which is why...I'm sure you've heard...that when people get heart transplants..then they seem to have some of the memories from the other person whose heart it was. Sort of freaky stuff. If you take someones old heart and plug it into a computer and get some of their stuff... So anyway the heart generates electricity...and if there is no electricity generated in the heart...in NZ we call that?...Dead.. thats right, in NZ we call that dead...So thats not a good sign either. Now the other place that generates electricity is in the abdomen. And the large area of nerve cells here was only discovered.. 1st in the West.. I think in about 1992. And so there are more brain cells, more nerve cells in the abdomen than in the whole lower brain and spinal cord combined. So its a very large brain in the abdomen. And its called the mesenteric brain. And in English we sometimes say I've got a gut feeling that something or other is happening. And this is actually true...The brain in your gut ..the brain in your abdomen..actually functions independently from the brain the head. So it doesn't follow orders from the brain in the head. They are 2 separate thinking systems and again this generates electricity here and stores information electrically as well. So if there is no electricity in the body..the cells in the body are still alive of course...right? Most people have heard of that...Like if we turn off the electricity in someones body, then the cells will stay alive for several days (for about 3 days at least). So you knew that? The nails and the hair still keep growing..everything functions but after a while it runs out of raw materials. Because without the heart pumping blood around..of course then you can't get new materials to the cells..so they die from of lack of materials. So they don't die because the person died. So the person and the cells are different things...Are you clear about that?... If there's no electricity, there's no person in there. It doesn't matter that all the cells are alive. This is very important to understand...see because most people think...What I am is my cells but thats not true at all...if someone dies, all of their cells are still perfectly alive...But you are the flow of electricity around your body and the information thats on that electricity. So you are something much more interesting in a way than just the cells. Now, this is just standard western science but you'll notice that its a little surprising to hear 84

because we don't talk about it in the west. Usually you think well I'm a physical body. But yes, you have a physical body, but of course if there's no electricity running around it then its not actually you...It's just a body. Ok so we've got that clear, so the next thing is...what is flowing around on the electricity is kind of important...So its not just electricity...The electricity carries informationso this is why just plugging you into the wall..won't do it, because the electricity flowing across your brain is carrying information...thoughts, emotions, interesting stuff, you know. And so we wouldn't want to delete that and just have electricity there...that wouldn't do it...do you get that? So thoughts and feelings are carried electrically through the body. Now theres a tricky thing about electricity...and that is...that its untidy stuff...it doesn't stay neatly in one place...and it expands out into what we call...A Field. So for those of you who know physics, you know that a field phenomenon like electricity produces a field. This is why we can measure the brain waves without drilling into the head. Something I'm sure many people who have been checked out medically are very thankful for. So without drilling into the head we can just stick something on the outside of the head and measure brain waves. Why? because the brain waves expand out from the head..right? Now if we have a good enough instrument...and there are certainly plenty of these available...we can measure the waves out here [demo] or out here [demo arms further out]... is this right? Now if you know physics, how far out does a field like this go? It goes infinitely. Do you understand that? It goes across the universe. It is centered in a certain place but technically speaking it goes out across the universe. It just gets more and more hard to measure...Like impossible with our current technology to measure it.. from even as far as the moon which isn't very far in universal terms. But as a field..it goes across the universe. So what you are in standard western science, what you are is a field phenomenon.. that spans the universe. Is this right?..like this is trippy kind of weird stuff. And so we just don't talk about it much in the west...right? But every culture has understood this for a long, long time. So you are a field, and the thoughts and the emotions running around you right now as you think...What the hell is he saying?..Can this be right?..This sounds a bit... So those thoughts are of course available all around you. They expand out from your body because they are going through you as electricity...as electrical information. Everything in your body depends on this electricity flow. So when I move my hand, it depends on the electricity flowing down there...right? Because otherwise I couldn't get that to happen...right? And so, how do I get the electricity to move around my body? Well you just saw me do it...Look watch me do it...so there you go...I just thought...And it moved my body, right? So how do you get electricity to move around your body? You just think...And it goes. By the way...That means The Secret DVD works a treat..in your own body. So, in your own body..what you imagine..Does tend to happen...this is why you can walk. You just think..I'm going to walk across the room...and watch this..[demo]..and then you can do it.. see this is how it happens. So ah The other thing is of course,[demo with Search n Stim Acupressure device for detecting body acupressure points electrically] .. that the electricity doesn't flow evenly through the body. So ah could you put up your hand again if you're someone who has never done something like this before...I just want someone who's what I would call a naive subject and doesn't know what I'm going to do. Now what I'm going to do is move this around on your hand.. [demo with Search n Stim ringing]...Lets just see... [as R moves Search n Stim the ring response changes radically from slow low tone to suddenly rapid and higher pitch sound]...tThere now can you hear the differences?...... Now you might think that its because I'm holding it near the center of the hand...... But see this... [demo R goes to the finger tip of the volunteer and gets a high pitch response].....So you can 85

see, that its very different in different places....,right? And these places are of course......, where the electricity flows better.....And thats because there is less resistance....So, the electricity doesn't flow evenly through the body because....some of your body tissue causes a resistance......And where it has less resistance......Then electricity flows a little stronger. And if we mark those points out of course......Then we will get the points that in several different cultures around the world ......have already been mapped out. And even before they had these little instruments......They had people who could feel where the points were.....And of course as you know... In some parts of Asia some people put little needles in certain points to stimulate the electrical flow. And the needles need to be made from something that is actually magnetizable, they need to be made of metal. Which is why they work..... they stimulate electrical flow. So ah this is kind of interesting. Now the reason why its not so easy to demonstrate on myself is......I do some exercises each morning which are designed to generate a little more of this..[demo with gizmo on Rs own hand makes continuous high pitched response]... And so where ever I'm moving it around on my hand (unfortunately this instrument is not set at the correct setting for my hand)...so its the same across my hand. Well it takes 1 hours of exercise each morning...in case you're wondering. So its very easy to generate more of this stuff. Now why would you want to do that?......Because it's You...It carries You. So this energy is....LIFE....What I'm saying here is pretty much normal understanding around most of the places where I teach around the world. But in the European Cultures its pretty much a mystery..... Why?......Because everyone who knew about this......We burned them all about 500 years ago.... Big mistake as it turns out...... Big mistake because they had such important information. So now people like me need to go to places like China and train to get back the information that was always there in Europe. So you'll notice that I haven't used the word .. aura .. at all while I've been explaining this. And so its not necessary to have any particular beliefs about this. It's just a simple matter of fact about human beings...right?...I don't have to explain this when I'm teaching in China and Japan you understand.....They say Its common; get on with the real stuff....Its just in the west that people go...Like what?...er ah er ah OK.. So you know how I told you about NLP Party Tricks...well...Chi Kung Party Tricks... work just a treat. When I'm training in China in Beijing the teachers there sometimes they do a trick where they take one of these florescent (a smaller one I must say)...they take one of these florescent light bulbs...and they hold it in their hands and they make it glow...they make it light up. They only use a small one because actually to make it light up....they have to generate twice as much electricity in their body as usual....And lets face it...there's not much use for this because everybody can get electricity pretty much anywhere around the world....like there's the national grid... you know..its not like people have to generate their own electricity in the evening...So it is really an entertainment. And the teachers there have other tricks too of course...I remember when I was 1st learning....I was a complete skeptic at 1st of course...you know...like I trained as a nurse as you know and I've trained in the body and how it works you know....and its all matter, of course...its physical stuff. So anyway my teacher in China was telling me that his teacher was very good at generating more electricity. He could do things like he could create a magnetic pulse and there could be a metal cup like they have in China..there could be a metal cup on a table and he could and he could put his hand out... and he could make it move towards his hands, so he didn't have to reach across the table...Again completely useless......you know because all you have to do is reach...right? So, when he.. (my teacher) .. told me this..., I went [demo; raising eyebrows]... which is NZ for...bullshit detector now activated. And he says alright I'll show you something. Have you 86

got some one yuan coins? (one yuan is slightly bigger than a NZ 50cent coin). In China, they are made of iron. So he puts one on his forehead and it sticks there but thats no big deal because your forehead is a little sticky in case you haven't noticed...like I wasn't impressed. But then he put another one on top of that and it stayed there as well ...and then I thought...Son of a gun...And then he said, Pull it away...So I pull this coin away from his head and out to about here [demo 2-3 centimetres] and I could feel it was like a magnet and when I let go of it ... it went straight back to his head. Again, completely useless...but just an interesting demonstration. Unless your a pick pocket and I'm sure there's easier ways to earn a living. Again, completely useless but a really interesting demonstration of whats going on in human beings. That you've got this electrical field and this electrical field is essential for life. So I just want to explain this. When I say Chi Kung...the Chi means Energy and people go..Oh Dear! But its just a science thing. Ok have a seat. In this little process we're going to do...the Chi Kung process we're going to do then...Is just imagining something in your body. So we're not going to have to move around and do any exercises. Right now we're just going to imagine something...because as I've just mentioned...if you imagine things in your body, then the electricity flows where you're imagining it. And in order to make this work we are going to do something physically though because one of the key things we would use in NLP to help people change.....is to change the way they use their body...their physiology. And in this exercise one of the things that we're going to do is I'm going to get you to do is...I'm going to get you to sit with your back straight. Which again...is very easy to explain in Japan...but not so simple in NZ. So in Japan people have developed this fascinating ability where they can sit with their back straight...and they don't have to lean. And what happens in NZ of course, is that by the end of the day...mostly people are sitting in this kind of position [demo slouching] you see. If you've come from some where else you've noticed this position in NZ. Now the problem with this position is that the back is bent...and so the electricity flow...meets resistance. And so if we check...there's 50% less electricity getting to the feet when I'm sitting like this. [demo slouching] And so when you sit like this.. [demo straight back].. you have 50% more intelligent feet. And I mean...this has got to be good for you...right? Ok so for this exercise, I promise its going to take less than 10 minutes, So its not really going to be that big of a challenge for you to sit straight for that length of time. So we're going to sit with our backs straight and...then what we're going to do is we're going to place the hands together. And so there's no magic in this... you saw whats happening... there's electricity kind of flowing out everywhere. So if you put your hands together it creates a little circuit for it. And my recommendation in the same way when we do this...Is to place your tongue on the roof of your mouth. Now I want to tell you why we're doing this......We're doing it to give you a bit of energy for the day and we're also doing it because its a 5 minute relaxation. I mentioned yesterday that if we do 5 minutes of relaxation when you're doing a learning process...you'll remember 25 % more. Is this useful? Like this turns out to be about a 9-10 hour training that you can pack in you see. And so that's one of the main reasons why we're going to do this is..relaxation. Now we're going to sit with our body like this...and the one other thing we're going to do with our body that is very useful for your energy levels is...I'm going to get you to lift up the corners of your mouth...which you'll remember from yesterday..is a secret NLP process..that we call...The Smile :-) Thats right....So we're going to do The Smile... And then we're going to do an NLP process we call anchoring. Now I'm not teaching it yet, 87

I'm going to be teaching it this afternoon. But just to explain what it is......Anchoring is where you step back into an experience that you've had before...into a resource experience. Do you remember I used that term yesterday. So remember a time when you had a feeling...and step back into it. Now you all know how that happens...Sometimes you'll have been listening to a song on the radio...that you heard years ago...when the song 1st came out...And that song reminds you of that time...and all the things that were happening in your life at that time.....and ah, you know that sort of thing?...And all the whole feeling comes back to you...and the memory of peoples voices and things like that...And that process is called anchoring. In western psychology it was called classic conditioning originally. I don't know for you...but...classical conditioning doesn't sound good...you know...like it doesn't sound like something you're meant to do...to people...And Anchoring is something that happens all the time. Anchoring, like its not just when you hear the song on the radio......The way you're understanding these words I'm saying is because they anchor you back into experiences. When I say the word anchor...for some of you an image of a anchor comes into your mind. If you've ever been in a boat where they have an anchor...then actually you can feel it...the weight of it...and you can hear that clinking sound as its let out. And so, anchoring is a fundamental part of how living things respond. And what it means is that ... When you remember an experience that you've had before...Your body re-experiences it. Now why would this be an advantage? What we're going to do in the Inner Smile is we're going to remember a time when you had the feeling of love...A time that is enjoyable to remember. So we have a lot of research as I started mentioning yesterday....about the feeling of love... It turns out that its very good for you. So the universe has done a very smart thing here...Because, you know...... love is actually very good for other people as well...have you noticed this? So ah, since it keeps.... You Alive....Then its an advantage to You ......To be nice to other people.....This is what the research shows. I only do it because of the research..you know. And so the research shows that......Here's an example of the research thats quite interesting.....They had people watching some movies. And they had them ah watching a gardening movie for example. And before they watch the movie..they take off some blood..and they check their blood for the level of immunity...,the level of protection against disease. And then they check them after the movie. And after the gardening movie...nothing much happened...so it was a disappointing gardening movie. And then they showed them a political broadcast. Now I thought that might crash their immune system but luckily..it was the same after the political movie. And then they showed them a movie about Mother Theresa, who is this person working in Calcutta. And in this film..she's talking a lot about love. And at the end they check their blood again and it turns out that their level of immunity has suddenly risen. Now the most interesting thing about this though.....Is that, then they hand out a questionnaire and they ask...So what did you think of the films? And about 1/3 of the people said I didn't like Mother Theresa at all.....She's an apologist..she's apologizing for the Roman Catholic Church. And she's against womens rights....And she's got all sorts of beliefs that I don't have and I didn't like it. And ah, but you see...their body immunity rose anyway. You see, your body doesn't mind...That's the...you know what I'm going to call it...right? Thats that part of your brain at the front..that analyses: is this real or not?...thats what minds.... But your body just em-bodies what you are experiencing. So if you listen to someone talking about love....Then your body starts to create this feeling of love. Even though your conscious mind might be thinking....No this isn't working for me...This is really important to understand...because you don't have to believe...that this is working...for it to be working. Only your conscious mind functions like that. You can be quite sure there's no lemons here...,but it'll still happen. So this is quite important...especially 88

when people have this feeling of being in love. It produces a profound change in your body. And one of the things that happens is your immunity is boosted. One of the things that happens is that your vision and your hearing gets clearer. All of your senses get clearer. You know..the birds sound nicer and the flowers they smell sweeter and they look more beautiful and the color is more intense and ....Thats real....thats not imagined...thats actually happening in your body. So this is a very useful feeling and what we're going to do as we do this little relaxation is to get you to remember a time when you had that feeling. It could be a time when you had that feeling of being in love.....It could be from a time when you were feeling love for a child....An animal....Or a plant...it could have been a time when you were feeling devotional love, like gratitude to the universe, the power behind the universe sort of thing. Any of that will do. And the advantage is.. your body gets those kinds of benefits. So the next thing we're going to do is an NLP process of course and its a process that unconsciously highly successful people are using all the time. So they get themselves into the state of mind they want to be in. So when they are going to a meeting and they need to be dynamic...just walking into the meeting gets them pumped up. Do you see whats happening here? They don't have to think how the heck am I going to get my myself excited here? They walk into the meeting...when they see that, when they hear the people talking they feel excited. When they sit down with someone who is upset about something and they want to listen to them...they feel empathetic. They automatically feel compassionate. So they don't have to work at it...they're anchored in to each feeling that they need for each situation. I'm going to show you how to do that. Now this is happening automatically. And ah thats a way for example that people have problems like addictions, because addictions are pure anchoring. If you can do an addiction then you can do anchoring. Cause its like people see something...and they've got to eat it...thats anchoring. They see something...and they've got to drink it...thats just anchoring. Its an anchored response. So we can use this instead to create this feeling of love. Now the next thing that we're going to do in this simple 5 minute process is use what NLP refers to as submodalities. Do you remember that yesterday I was saying that there's a kinesthetic area at the top of the brain, and an auditory area on the sides, and a visual area at the back? But its a little more detailed than that. These areas are what European psychology would call modalities. So the sensory systems are modalities. Inside each sensory system, there are little areas inside the brain that we call sub-modalities. So theres a little area inside the visual area which controls color, and that is a submodality. Now if that area is damaged...if its damaged on one side of my visual cortex...then when I look out here across the room...then one side of my vision will be black/white and the other side color, its freaky stuff . So there have been some people who have had that happen...there has been some artists unfortunately who have had the very specific little piece of brain damaged that cause their color area to get damaged. One of them actually is a very famous case where the guy committed suicide. It wasn't just that he couldn't see colors to paint anymore...He couldn't remember colors. Do you see, when you remember, you have to use the same part of the brain of course. Thats why when someone is depressed...They don't remember being happy. Because they use their depressed brain to run through memories. So ah they'll tell you..I've never really been happy...I thought I was but I wasn't. Because when they think of it now...they run it through their depression. So the person who has their color part damaged would have difficulty seeing color. There's another area here that produces movement...because your eyes can't see movement. Your eyes can only take still photos. And the visual area that produces movement joins them together exactly like a movie camera does...and it makes it look like a movie. Now if that area is damaged on one side of the 89

persons brain...when a car drives across in front of them...they'll see...still photo..still photo...still photo of the moving car. So, this is quite interesting these little submodality areas. Now remember I said yesterday that a lot of NLP happens in the bit in the middle? And here's how thats important in terms of submodalities...When we change the submodalities in one sense...very specific changes will happen to the submodalities in the other senses. So if we paint this room red...you will think that its 2 degrees warmer. If we paint this room blue...you will think this room is 2 degrees colder. Its very precise. So do you get that the submodalities of the colors visually are directly correlated with the submodalities of kinesthetic..the experience of warmth. So if we have certain kinds of noise then you will experience them physically as certain kinds of emotions. So a loud screeching noise..at a certain decibel will be experienced as fear. Which is why the movie directors use it. So when they want you to feel fear at a certain point in the movie..they don't even have to show you anything thats happening thats frightening, they just have to produce this noise that we know is correlated with the submodalities that causes the feeling of fear. Do you get how this could be useful though? Cause if you could understand the links...you could create the emotional state that you want. And people who are really good at it.. they do that.. they change the submodalities. All around the world, people in their languages describe things in submodality terms. In English I can say...My life has been very gloomy..dark. Now you know what emotion I'm talking about right? Because you know the submodality correlation. But everything brightened up yesterday. Now you know what I mean right? I just said something visually but you understand that when I said brightened up, what I mean is that I'm feeling better. Because the submodality link is absolute. If I brighten things up...it feels better. And of course this happens when I think of a memory as well. So when people feel sad...they darken all their memories. (especially their fun ones) And then when they look at them they're not as much fun. You gotta know how to do those things you see. Otherwise they'd brighten them up by accident...and that would spoil it cause they'd have to feel happy through the day.... Nah, I'm only kidding. So you understand the idea of submodalities. We're going to use it in this process. We're going to Smile and we're going to just check through your body, and just imagine that its got all nice colors in it. Because when people don't feel well they think of their body in unhelpful colors. Dark, gloomy, murky. And so this little process came from China and they have a color scheme for the body. I don't know if it really means anything at all..but you know its one way of thinking about it. So they have various colors for the various bits and pieces. Like the heart is red...and things like that. It may just be their color scheme..its not important...But the fact that its in nice colors is..Thats important because it changes how your body feels. And you don't have to believe in it, thats the great thing. Einstein, you know Albert Einstein (he was a scientist right?) and one day he...There was a guy came in to see hima reporter...in his home. And he noticed that Einstein had a horse shoe on his wall. Now in Europe and sometimes in Asia as well..people used to put a horse shoe on their wall (this way up, like a cup)..And the idea was that it somehow caught luck. - Lucky Horse Shoe - And the reporter says to Einstein..Dr Einstein you've got a horse shoe on your wall. Yes says Dr Einstein. So the reporter says, Well surely you're a scientist...you don't believe in superstitions like that. Oh no I don't believe in that says Einstein. So the reporter says, If I can ask you then...why do you have it on the wall? And Einstein said, ah well you see that is 90

the interesting thing,..It works whether you believe in it or not. What Einstein was trying to say is...There's a part of your brain that detects whether it works rationally...whether it believes in it rationally...But thats not what makes things like this work. We know for example that most of the effect when you go to a medical practitioner, and they give you pills, most of the effect is whats called placebo..right? And we know that because they do research on placebos. See what they do is they do research and they give the people a placebo (which is a pretend pill) and they give the other of the people the real pill. Now here's what happens, placebos reliably have between 40-70% of the effectiveness of the real pill. Now what does that tell you? It tells you that 40-70% of the effectiveness of every pill...is made up...its not true. But that doesn't matter....that doesn't matter....It doesn't even matter when I tell you that. Aspirins will still work..Even when I tell you..look..its 70% made up. Here's a funny thing..If we give someone a placebo aspirinwe tell them its an aspirin but its not...it will have 60% of the effectiveness of aspirin. If we give someone an injection of morphinethats actually just water...it has 60% of the effectiveness of morphine. Which by the way is a little stronger than aspirin. So This is very interesting to know because...This works even when your mind knows...ah no, this is just a placebo. Your body doesn't mind. Now what this emphasizes..is its very important for you to get clear when its good for you to do reality testing...and when its not. If someone has severe pain..then they need to learn to stop reality testing. Do you see why? Because if they could stop reality testing then they can take placebos and then their pain will go away. So I have a DVD of me working with woman who has severe pain and she's been taking morphine like drugs for 10 months..she's had the pain everyday..And it takes us about a an hour and the pain disappears totally. And she was a very skeptical person...so I needed to do quite a lot of work..you know.. and it took a whole hour to make it totally go away...before she'd let it go. Because she was sooo skeptical (she was trained as a psychologist...you see the problem right?) So she had this kind of...Ah, so whats the research on this...thing going on. But you see, it doesn't really matter inside your body..if you imagine a result inside your body and you get that result, then thats what you're after...that produces the changes in the chemicals. So anyway, now what I'm doing is... I'm pre teaching a whole lot of NLP. Physiology changes.. Anchoring.. Submodalities. And there's one other basic kind of NLP change process and its called Reframing. You know how pictures look different in different frames. And so the Chinese had this idea that if you understand your emotions in a different way...it makes a difference to your experience of them. And let me explain what I mean. Now mostly, people around the world understand that anger is not a very pleasant emotion to have..it's not enjoyable..and actually its not really good for your body as well...to be angry. But it has a survival value..doesn't it? Like when people get angry..then they have a lot of energy in their body...and their much more able to protect themselves. And if you watch a cat that gets into a corner...have you ever seen this happen?...the dog gets the cat backed into a corner and the cat lifts itself up and it hisses and snarls and it looks really angry..and it gives it this enormous amount of energy to fight back. So what the Chinese said is...Anger is a kind of a signal...And it tells you...that its time to be kind to yourself as well as to others. It doesn't tell you to punch someone else.. It says to look after your own needs as well as looking after others needs. Now this is an understanding that we have in NLP by the way. And I mentioned yesterday that one of the women who was studied by the developers of NLP right at the start..a woman called Virginia Satir...and she was really the developer of family therapy...and she said...People don't understand often what emotions are. And they sometimes have this idea that anger and sadness are not very nice emotions. And its kind of like she said...Emotions are like the little red lights in your car...where if your running out of 91

petrol this little red light comes on...stuff like that...Now anger is a warning...it lets you know that something is getting low in there...you need to look after something. And of course what happens is that when people get annoyed with these little lights...they think..I don't like that and they do something like .. cut the wires to the lights.....so they don't feel anger and they don't feel sad.....and their car falls to pieces quick...Do you see the risk? But then of course what has happened in the west over the last 100 years...is something different. When people have anger and sadness...they go to therapists. And sometimes they get the idea from their therapy that...anger and sadness in themselves are good things. So what they do is they run their car so that its almost out of petrol, almost out of oil, almost out of water, so all the red lights are showing...and then they think... Now I'm Alive! And they feel angry, they feel sad, and they feel frustrated all the time and they think see I'm alive now! Before I couldn't feel these things. But thats not the point of it...The point of the little red lights...Is to change..to do something. The reason why babies cry...isn't because its good for their lungs. Despite the fact that we believed that in the west for many, many years..you know this idea of Let them cry its good for their lungs. The reasons why babies cry is because they want something to change...Its a signal...And emotions are like that..they are signals that something needs to happen. And so they're neither good nor bad. Do you get that? They're not like lets be angry and punch pillows and stuff like that...or lets be sad and cry all day and somehow think that will get it out. It doesn't get it out. If you leave the red light on in the car....it doesn't release the redness somehow....You've got to fill up the oil, or what ever it is. It doesn't matter how long you leave the red light on...it doesn't fix it. This is really important to know. Cause there's people who get the idea if they're angry for long enough...it'll some how fix it. And from the research we know..that this is simply not true. The more people practice anger...the angrier they get The more people practice sadness...the sadder they get.....It doesn't ever stop....from the research. So the research is very, very thorough about this! And we just had a whole generation who thought the opposite...in the west. And so they had this idea that if you cry enough...somehow it releases the tears which I mean it does physically release the tears...but its very stressful for the body...and the more hours a person spends crying..then the more physical health problems they get. Its the opposite of the love thing. So the Chinese say anger is a signal to be kind to yourself as well as others and its just one way of looking at it, so reframe means put it in another frame. So anger isn't a bad thing...but its not a good thing...It's a signal...It says be kind to yourself as well as others. Now here's the twist on it...The Chinese have the idea..(as all cultures tended to at one time)..that anger is transformed into kindness in a certain place in the body...that its associated more with a certain place in the body...the liver. I'll show you were that is...the liver is on the right hand side of the body..even if you are left handed. So the liver is this thing on the right side here...you can see I've drawn it in green. Now in most languages the liver and the gall bladder are associated with anger. In English the word ( livid ) means angry. In English the word ( galled ) from gall bladder...means angry. And in every language across Europe thats true...Most languages around the world..most Asian languages..thats true. So ah American Indian languages..thats true. So across the world there is a very long standing understanding that the liver is associated with anger. See its still there in the language even though we burned all the people who knew why... we still say livid. And the Chinese idea is that the liver when its working well..transforms anger into Being Kind To Yourself and Others...You don't have to believe ityour clear about this right...Its just an idea that everyones had around the world. Now the heart..the Chinese say transforms hastiness into the feeling of love and gratitude. I'll explain why, When someone is rushing around...you know how I said yesterday that success and happiness 92

overlap but they are not the same thing?...Success means getting what you want...and Happiness means wanting what you get. Now when someone is rushing... stressed is what we call it in the west...when they're stressed and rushing around trying to achieve everything..trying to be successful all the time...that is a signal and its a signal to shift to the other side and feel happy...feel gratitude for what you have already. Instead of rushing after the future. Do you get the reframe...? So people say...why am I so stressed..why am I so stressed? Because your rushing after that instead of appreciating this It's obvious, but what the Chinese are saying is...Treat this as a signal don't take pills for it. don't go to therapists for it. Treat it as a simple signal that says..when you're rushing when you feel under pressure when you're stressed That is a signal that you are not allowing yourself enough time to feel gratitude like What a wonderful life you've been given how extraordinary this is If you're rushing around you must have an abundance of something. Cause there's people who wake up and they don't know what to do with their day. So if you're rushing...Feel this sense of ..Love, Gratitude, Appreciation. Do you get how this...It changes the meaning of it...Thats What Reframing is. Now here's another one...The Chinese say... Stuckness is transformed by the Spleen. Now we had the same understanding in Europe. So in English its like this that...When someone is stuck...If they then release their stuckness.., this is called Venting the Spleen. No one knows what it means anymore..cause we burned all the people who knew. So, the spleen is over here on the other side (even if you're left handed its on your left) And it stores red blood cells. And the spleen and pancreas in this way of traditional medicine way of thinking are connected together. The pancreas produces insulin..you know..This is a good example of how thinking changes things in the body by the way. You've heard of people who have split personalities. Well split personalities is where one day they wake up as one person and the next day they wake up as someone else. And ah so this is usually a nuisance. Here's one of the most interesting things about it...and again I have lots of research about this, often the person has a disease in their body when they are one of their personalities and they don't have that disease when they are the other personality. And Diabetes is an example in many cases of it. The person in one of their personalities has diabetes and they need injections of insulin...and in the other personality their pancreas functions perfectly. It's very common for the person when they are one personality to have perfect eye sight, and when they are the other personality for them to have severely bad eye sight...Very common...And when we measure...it takes them about 30 seconds to change from one personality to the other. [Note: a class participant asks the question... How does this happen?] YES See there is the NLP attitude of curiosity...All we need to do is find out...How they do that...and model that...Without the personality changes...of course. So the pancreas is connected to the spleen in Chinese thinking, and it transforms stuckness. They say stuckness is a signal...if you feel like your thinking over and over and you can't move with something. Then what they say...Thats a signal...to do something different...don't keep doing the same thing. So the basic idea is...if your doing something and its ..not working..not working...not working..and they keep thinking about it and it goes no where...and they think...If I just keep doing this...it will fix it somehowYou know..like more of the same will work..(not) Thats why people when they are depressed, they keep thinking about the past. Thats what depression is right? So you know who they go to, in order to get that fixed.........Of Course...it immediately occurs to them....I need to think more about my past....So they go to therapists and talk about their past. Which is exactly the problem. So they talk more and more about it and they think more 93

and more about it and they get more and more depressed. And then they think I've got to get in touch with my past even more than I can with this therapist. You know? More of the same doesn't work. If your stuck...Do something different. Thats what the Chinese say...Its a signal. So stuckness is a signal to be open to new ways. Sadness: Now sadness the Chinese say is transformed in the lungs. [R breathes in and sighs out]...like getting something off your lungs,..getting off your chest. And the Chinese say sadness is like this, its kind of like this, when someone is sad-grieving, theyre holding onto something that need to be let go of. Does this make sense? But its like holding in a breath... [demo] I'm not going to let go of this breath its my favorite breath..I really like it and I'll never get another one like it. Unfortunately this is not conducive to life. You've actually got to let it go. bye-bye breath And then breath again. So the Chinese say...Your lungs transform sadness into the courage to know whats right to let go of and whats right to hold on to. Sometimes people don't get that.....When you let go of something from your life, you actually do hold on to the things that were precious in there to you, just as when you breathe out, the oxygen from the air you let go of is still there and becomes part of your body. People who grieve effectively, have good memories of the thing they've let go of, or the person they've let go of. They don't spend their life remembering all the bad things that have happened. And they don't spend their life thinking..I'll never get that experience again. They know that they have it forever. And they know that they have life now, where they will find those kinds of things in other ways as well. So thats the signal of sadness, the Chinese say.....Have the courage to let go of whats good to let go of and hold on to what is good for you to hold on to. Now the final thing the Chinese have one of these reframes for is: They say the kidneys transform fear. Now you may know that on top of the kidneys in simple western terms are the adrenal glands. And the adrenals produce adrenalin when your either angry or afraid in fact, and so the kidneys actually do have a lot to do functionally with fear. But the Chinese say that fear is a signal that....You're pushing to hard....You're pushing yourself too hard and its time to be gentle with yourself, lighten up. Its like when people get frightened when I ask them to do an exercise in a training...And I say, how many times have you done this? You know, lighten up. This is your 1st time doing this...goodness gracious do you expect to be an expert at it? So, fear means be gentle with yourself. Now what I've just done with you here, is offer you some of the most fundamental re frames I think in NLP. Because these emotions here by the way, because if you worked as a coach these are the problems that people come to you with. And this list comes from China but its pretty much the same in NZ as it is in China. And its pretty much the same where ever I go around the world....that if people could deal with anger, stress, sadness, and fear, and effectively transform them into these positive qualities, they'd feel really good. And I'd be out of a job. So, we're going to do this little process....Is this cool? And you've got the basic idea here, you don't have to believe in this, its just a relaxation process. You check your back is straight. And what I'm going to do is get you to have your hands connected together. You can sort of have them in any position you like, what ever feels right for you, but having them connected relaxes the front of your body, and if we check with that little instrument..the energy flows around. And then remember a time when you had this feeling of love. A time thats enjoyable to remember when you had the feeling of love. And step back into your body and feel what it feels like. Remember what you were seeing at that enjoyable time, what you 94

were hearing. And feel what its like to have that feeling of love. And imagine you can draw it into the brain and flow it across your face so your face smiles...and just so you know thats where the corners of your mouth...thats right...this is an important part of it. And so as you lift up the corners of your mouth smile down through your body...1st of all smile through your neck. In the neck there is the thyroid and the parathyroid glands that keep you going at the right speed and strengthen your body.... Nice Job...and appreciate what theyre doing. And in the upper chest theres the thymus gland that sends healthy T cells around your body and keeps you healthy and well...Its doing a great job there. And smile to your heart. The heart sends the blood easily and comfortably through your body. And of course in the heart as well, any hastiness or rushing that was there is changed into that sense of joy, love, gratitude, as you fill the heart with shining red light.....(its just a color scheme . whatever you like) And then flow the smile out to the lungs...Good Morning Lungs. Taking air in from the air around you and breathing out whats right to breath out....and transforming any sadness into that ability to know whats right to hold onto and whats right to let go of. Filling the lungs with shining white light. And smiling down on the right hand side through the liver....as the liver stores and performs 100's of functions actually. And in the liver as well, any anger that was there, is transformed into that kindness to yourself as well as others. Filling the liver with shining green lightif you want a color scheme... And smiling on the left through the pancreas as it balances your blood sugar and helps your digestion...Nice job. And through the spleen as it stores red blood cells. And in the pancreas and spleen, any stuckness, thoughts that were going round and round are transformed into an openness to new ways...new ideas. And smile around to the back at waist height... on top of the kidneys, the adrenals give you a burst of energy for the day...and then relax. As the kidneys filter the blood and balance the fluids in your body. Fill the kidneys with shining deep blue light....and transform any fear that was there into gentleness. Thats all it was signaling...be gentle with yourself as well as others. And flow the smile...down through the sexual organs....urinary system....and through those glands that balance the cycles of life....the cycle of each day....the cycle of each month. And then imagine you can kind of spiral the smile into the lower brain....thats in the abdomen there, in China they call it Dan-tien. to be a kind of store of energy for the day. (a gut feeling of something good) And that means you can find the smile again between your eyes and this time flow it to the mouth. And imagine you could swallow the smile...down through the stomach....the gall bladder....the small and large intestines....appreciating the whole process of digestion. And while youre there, appreciate all the food thats available today....a sense of gratitude for all of the food. May the food that you eat today be good for your body.... your mind.... your spirit. And then spiral the smile into that place called Dantien to be a store of energy. And then you find it again between your eyes. And this time we're going to connect both sides of the brain and its a really simple little exercise we do with our eyes. So you can still have your eyes closed if you like. Look up towards the ceiling....and then look across to the right side..right across to the right....and then down to the floor....and then look right across to the left....and up to the ceiling again. So thats a circle. And now circle them again, and this connects the 2 sides of the brain and so around a 2nd time...and then circle around a 3rd time down the right and up the left....4....5....6....7....8....9 times. And then we're going to circle down the left and up the right....so around once....2....3....4....5....6....7....8....9 times. And then flow the smile back into the brain where all those learnings that support your excellence are stored. And smile through the areas of the brain where you understand those basic presuppositions of NLP. You know, *The map is not the territory *That life is built of systems...everything is connected. And then appreciate your ability to set goals that are: *Sensory Specific 95

*Positive *Ecological *Choice Increasing *Initiated by You *With Your 1st step Identified *Your Internal Resources Identified. And flow the smile down through the areas of the brain that balance your body. And down through the spinal cord and out through the nerve cells to reach every cell in your body. And since its a field, flow that smile into you from the infinite source of love behind the universe. (I'm just presupposing there is one for the exercise) And flow it out of Your entire body And out across the entire room And beyond the room and out across all of the city Out across all of the country Out across the other Islands...Continents Out across the whole world Sending that feeling of Love and Gratitude out across the world. And then just check back in your body, in this room. And if there's anywhere there was more energy than you needed, spiral it into that place.. Dan-tien to be a store of energy for the day. And gently come back to being here in the room. Took a bit to explain....But there you go. Five minutes to Relaxation: 25% more Learning. I only do it for the information you know. So, today we're going to be doing some things which are about flexibility. To be successful, I set goals, I do things, I check what information I get back from doing those things, And then I adjust, based on that. And if I'm working with people...that means I adjust what I'm doing so that it fits for them. And the reason is not just to help them, its helps me as well. Everything I do depends on this ability to adjust. So that what I'm saying and doing makes sense in other peoples map of the world. Inspiring other people depends on that...Convincing other people of things depends on that...Cooperating with other people depends on that...And helping them depends on that as well. So all the things we call communication depends on my ability to understand whats going on inside someone else and adjust what I do so that it fits with them. Now the developers of NLP, remember I mentioned this guy named Milton Erickson.. (remember the guy with the horse).. Milton Erickson was a psychiatrist so sometimes he worked in psychiatric hospitals. And one time he was working in a psychiatric hospital there and they had this guy named George. And thats all they knew about this guy, was that his name was George. Now George had this real kind of condition; he had a problem because he spoke in this thing called Word Salad. Now I can't really demonstrate this Word salad for you because its really a skillful thing to do. I did see when I was working in psychiatric hospitals myself, I did see 1 or 2 people who could do it. And what it is, is they say words but they don't connect them into sentences. So that they sometimes have a phrase or a couple of words connected together but thats all. But if I start doing it..then it starts making sense like I can say [demo shows that even trying to say a few words that don't connect to make sense R can't do because it because it starts to join together into ideas.] And the person who's really good at speaking in Word Salad they just chop it all up like a salad of words..you know..all chopped up and mixed together. And George could do this. And so what he did all day, was he sat out in a place, just kind of staring at a wall and on the wall was a clock..and thats how he knew it was time for his lunch and for his dinner. And thats all he did all day was he sat there, and if someone spoke to him he would speak back in word salad. Now there is a problem with word salad...Its not a good way to win friends and influence people. And so George had no friends, very little influence, and ah not so much fun in his life. And no one had been able to communicate with George and he'd lived there for 5 years. Now Milton Erickson sat down near George and he watched him through the day. And he noticed that George paid attention to the clock, he always got up immediately when it was time for his meals and so on. And Milton also noticed the rate at which he was breathing. And he noticed when someone spoke to him what kind of words George would use. And he made notes, 96

and he had extensive notes of Georges word salad. And then he went away and practiced speaking in Georges style of word salad, until he could do it really well. And then he came back and he sat down next to George and he said Hello George I'm Milton Erickson, I'm a Dr. here. And of course George looked at him in shock because no one from the staff really spoke to George. And George spoke back in word salad for 2 minutes. Now Milton listened really carefully..noticing on the clock it had been about 2 minutes, and then he spoke back to George for 2 minutes in word salad. And this time George was really shocked you know...he listened in astonishment. Well at the end of that 2 minutes George spoke in word salad for 2 hours!! And Milton listened very carefully. And at the end of that 2 hours..Milton spoke back in that same kind of word salad for 2 hours!! And all that time George listened in astonishment... (they missed lunch of course) And so, that was enough for one day so the next day Milton came back.. (even a little worse..by now the staff are filling out forms to commit Milton).. And so the next day George spoke to Milton in word salad for 4 hours!!!!..like straight through lunch..Milton listened very carefully....and then Milton spoke back in the same word salad for 4 hours!!!!..right through dinner]. And at the end of that..8 hours solid of word salad....George turned to Milton and said.. Talk some sense Dr.!! And Milton said Alright I will. My name is Milton Erickson, I'm a Dr. and whats your name? My name is George O' Donahugh and I've been in this place for 5 years and not a single person has known how to speak to me. So over the next few days George spoke in word salad less and less. And by 3 weeks later he couldn't speak in word salad anymore. Now its a basic rule of psychiatric hospitals, that you have to have at least 1 unusual and interesting thing that you can do to be allowed to stay there. It's not like a hotel where you can just pay the money and you get in...You've really got to be able to do something unusual. And when George lost the ability to speak word salad..he had to go out into the worldhe would have to find something else to do, he lost his hobby. And so, he left the hospital and he went out. And it was about 3 months before Milton got a letter from him. And the letter he got was quite interesting and it said George had found a job, he'd started dating a young woman and ah it seemed like he'd been enjoying his life out there. And about way through the letter there was something a little scary...there was a sentence of word salad. And Milton read it and thought Hmm maybe this is a message? Maybe George is going crazy again and this is a warning letter. And it wasn't until he got to the end of the letter that Milton understood why George had put the word salad sentence there..........But you understand that what Milton has done with George..Is something no one else has been able to do. Because everyone thought..to change George..we have to be different to him. Do you get it? Its such a basic misunderstanding. To get someone to change..Its not so important to be different to them as it is to start off by being similar enough so that they'll come with youthats the trick...If you want someone to change..you've got to start off near where they areso they know who to follow....And there's just no other way around it. I know its frustrating and you'd rather be off somewhere talking normal....Hopefully you don't have too many people in your life who speak word salad...Cause that could take a couple of days to fix. So what Milton was really good at was ..he was really good at paying attention to what was going on with people..and adjusting so that he matched them. I want to show you an example before you go away for a break..I want to show you an example of what Milton noticed....that no one had really noticed very much..in ah..western psychology until then. And in order to do this, I need 3 people..I need 3 naive subjects. Which means 3 people who don't know much about NLP. So if you've been reading all the NLP books this isn't for you. Because I want to show you that you don't have to know NLP for this to happen. So what I want is 3 people and all I'm going to do is ask you to think. You're not even going to have to 97

even say anything..just let me know when you've thought about what I've asked you to think about...and its a bit like yesterday when I asked you to think of somebody you like and somebody you don't like. Can I have 3 volunteers...to think, youre just going to think, (you'll get to see what happens afterwards) Cool thanks very much. Now can I check 1st..are any of you left handed? Ok so if you just stay there and look in this direction.. and the other people can you just move so you can see both sides of these peoples faces. Because I'm going to give them some instructions..and I'll let you see the instructions afterwards. But for now if you could just look this way, and I'm going to show them the instructions up here. The instruction I'd like you to follow is this... [ R places notice on the board instructing people to watch the 3 peoples eye movements as they think about his questions]. Ok so I'm going to talk to them in a moment and thats the deal...got that? Ok, so the 1st thing I want you to think about is...You know how in this room theres some windows and theres several pieces of glass in the windows right? I'd like you to have a check here and in the main room of the place that you live..apartment or house..in that main room, How many pieces of glass are there in the windows? (make sure you know)..Can I check, none of you are left handed?..right..right ok cool. Ok here's another question then, What about if ..um.. you know often people say..I wish there was more window space in here you know...If we were going to put more window space in that room, where would you put it?...Do you know?..have you got that? Ok so now here's another kind of question...Often in the place that you live...one or other of the doors makes a noise when you close it... So what I'd like you to check is...Which door makes the most noise in the house youre living at present. You got that?..sure?..ok Alright, so here's another question..um..Sometimes if you oil the hinges, then that stops the noise..it depends on what the kind of noise is...If we oiled the hinges on that door, would it sound any different, would it solve...do you? yeah check that...do you think that would help? Ok here's another kind of question.....In my home, and in other homes in other cultures around the world like Russia, Japan, etc. they have this custom of taking off their shoes. We take our shoes off in our home and I'm sure you've walked around your house without your shoes on...so you know that linoleum floors feel much different to soft carpet..right? And what I'd like you to check is...If you check back through your life....What is the softest floor you've ever walked on? And what did it feel like to walk on it....Whats the softest carpet or the softest floor? Ok now here's another question...When I was growing up, at school one of the ways they taught us to learn things...was that they showed us you can remember stuff by saying little sayings to yourself sometimes. And I remember one of them for example...There was one for how many days has each month of the year got?..Cause its so untidy like...its not like theres 28 in each or something. 30 days has September, April, June and November All the rest have 31 except February which has 28 or 29. And so we used to say that little saying...Now what I want you to do...is I'd like you to find a saying like that you used to remember things...if you learned music there were several little sayings that you learned to remember where the notes are....And say one of those sayings to yourself...Say one of those little sayings to yourself. And as your saying it to yourself..check..What is the 5th word?..pause..Cool...Excellent...[clap clap]...thank you very much. Now of course what we were doing....(the secret instruction by the way was to watch your eyes as they were moving)....did you notice that people were watching your eyes?..No?..Good...Excellent...And there was a bit of a system to what you saw, now the 1st thing you'll notice is that...When you watch peoples eyes...as they go to get information they're not sure of...their eyes move. Now their eyes don't move if they know the answers straight away. so if you asked me right now what my name is...if I moved my eyes like this [demo..Richard moves eyes in several directions] You would know there is something really 98

wrong here...you know like this is one of those personality disorder things right? Because people when they know some information...they don't search their eyes around for it. And the other thing though...Is when I asked them certain questions...I can't be sure when I ask a question how they will get the information in their brain....But if they do.. the same thing in their brain..their eyes will move in the same direction. And if you watched .. you saw that sometimes. Like sometimes I'd ask something and all 3 of them had their eyes move in the same direction. And its because they are all 3 of them are using the same part of the brain. And it wasn't so obvious in the 1st question actually because you all had slightly different ways of seeing the windows. And Rebecca's eyes went the opposite way in the 1st question. And both the others eyes went up here [up left] and Rebecca's eyes went the opposite way [up right] So I asked if anyone was left handed...because it would be reversed if someone was left handed. So upwards and both directions is Visual and Rebecca went up and to the Right which would usually be for a Right handed person Visual Construct V/C ....where as Visual Recall V/R is over here on the Left. So it meant that she did this task in a different way. Because I saw afterwards that her eye movement patterns were pretty standard. It's probable that what you did was you somehow made up the picture of the windows...rather than just seeing what you've seen through your eyes. So she constructed a picture. This is why its a little risky....You know I have at home the work book that they used to teach this to the NZ Police. And of course one of the reasons the Police are wanting to learn it...Is that V/R means I'm remembering what I saw through my eyes. And V/C means I'm making up the picture. But it doesn't always mean that I'm lying. What else it could mean is...I'm just recreating a picture thats different than what I actually saw. And so this is quite important and thats the 1st reason why I worry when the Police are using it (as long as they check; its OK) Is because it doesn't mean lying. However I used to have a little fun when I was a teacher at the Polytechnic. Sometimes the students would come to me and they said....Look could I have another day to hand in that assignment because I've done it...I've done it on time...but I left it at home...So you know its totally done but its at home. So then I would say to them....How many pages has it got?...Now when you've done something and you've printed it out...you saw through your eyes..the last page. So for you get that the easiest way to get that information .. is to go up to V/R So if they go up to V/C I know that they had to construct what they would see on the last page. Keys to Success CD 2B Now about of L handed people and some R handed people will have the pattern reversed. And that fact about some Right handed people is interesting because......We had a couple years ago in this room actually we had someone who was doing the demonstration...and they were Right handed and all of their answers were around on the other side. And so I said them them..Have you ever been Left handed? And they said..No no I've always been Right handed. Now they came back the next day and said...I had a strange thing happen last night, I rang up my parents and I said, Mom I was never Left handed was I? And she said there was this long pause on the phone..........And her mother said, .Not exactly Dear...You always reached for things with your Left hand .. but we fixed it quickly. So you see there was a time when Left handedness was considered very bad..you know like a sign of evil....And so it was fixed.... and so the challenge is it wasn't fixed in the brain...it was only fixed in the hands. And so her brain was functionally Left handed. And so even if you just had this information...you know something rather powerful. So for example here's a research study that was done on this. It was done in a university in Canada called Moncton University. Now what they do is they take 4 groups of students. All the students have about the 99

equivalent ability to spell English words. Now something you need to know about the spelling of English words is that English is pretty much the hardest language in the world to learn to spell. And English speakers take a year longer than any other speakers across Europe to learn how to write their own language ..( in the school system).. And its purely because..You can't predict the spelling of a word. You look at a word and it doesn't look like.....You've noticed this right? And so ah, like living with Julia, like you know when she spells in Russian, when she spells out a Russian word to someone over the phone...she doesn't even spell the letters...She just spells the syllables and they know how to write it. But in English you couldn't do that or goodness knows what you'd come up with. So anyway they test these 4 groups....and the 4 groups are all equivalent in skill with spelling in English....Now this study is done at the University of Moncton in Canada. Now I don't know if you know anything about this area where the University is in Canada but it has a lot of French speakers...so thats the interesting thing about it. And um, So the thing they were interested in..was....Will it make a difference which way someones eyes go when theyre learning to spell a language? Ah learning English? So these people are all equally good at spelling English words. And what they do then is, they give them separate instructions and they give them some new English words to learn. One group they instruct them...just learn to spell these the same way you normally do. And this is what we call the control group...and surprise, surprise...they did exactly the same as they did the 1st time. Now the next group are told... As you learn these words...kind of make a picture in your mind...so visualize the word. Now this increases, if their told to visualize...this increases their ability by 10% by just telling them to make a picture. Its a very useful instruction to learn English words. Now another group are told to...Make a picture of the word and look up to your Left. So for 95% of people in NLP terms that is going to mean looking up into your V/R and see the word the way it was written. Now those people...their success increases by 20%...So it doubles the effectiveness of visualization. Because its a feedback system in the brain it triggers the area in the brain that people look up to when they are visualizing. Now the 4th group are told something interesting...They are told to visualize...which should increase ability by 10% ..right? Visualize and look down to your Right ..(completely the wrong place) .. And their ability drops immediately by 15% They're looking the wrong way. So it makes a real difference. Now the next thing is, they then follow them up a week later. Now what happens in learning if you've ever done any studies about learning, is that gradually over time people tend to forget stuff. If you think of the calculus and things that you learned at school then you know what I mean...unless of course you use it for your job of course. So this tends to happen with these groups a week later..they have forgotten some of these words. It happens for all these 3 groups. But for the group that looked up Left and visualized...a week later their memory is essentially the same...As if they had taken a photograph and stored it. Now whats important here is that the difference between this group here a week later and the control group is ....61% And that..the researchers pointed out would be the difference between the worst speller in an un-streamed class at school and the best speller in that class. So you could take the worst speller in the class ... and by showing them where to look and what to do to visualize to make a picture of the word in their mind ...You could get them to be the best speller in the class in 5 minutes. Now that doesn't mean that looking up and to the Left is the best way to learn everything ... It just means that looking up and to your Left is the best way to remember pictures. So I can 100

get someone with so called Dyslexia... Dyslexia just means not knowing how to use that part of the brain..in the visual area..And so it doesn't matter why that is..whether its genetic or whatever...Its just a matter of knowing how to trigger it. This research was done for the purposes of research with all of the people being told to look up to the Left. And that is important. 95% of them will therefore be using their V/R and so thats the most effective thing.. but if they are Left handed and Left brained .. Left handed - brained.. then actually the best place for them to look will be up here. So this is really, really useful information for you to have in a number of ways and there's more to it which I'm going to show you after the break. And so the information enables you to do certain things. It enables you for example to know.. How a person is thinking...Not what they are thinking of...but...How are they thinking. And it enables you to explain something in a way, that will make sense to them. Because when someone is making pictures in their brain .... they are actually living in the back of their brain at that moment....And there's no use talking to them about the way it feels....Or what it sounds like...thats somewhere else and they have to be able to shift into that part of the brain to understand what you're saying. So the 1st thing you can do with this ...Is you can adjust the way they think about the world. The 2nd thing you can do..is you can show them how to use their brain best. Because what we are Not Saying in NLP and this is very important...What we are not saying is that well some people are more visual...so just do visual stuff with them. That wouldn't make sense..because honestly.. to learn English spelling visual works best. And it doesn't matter that mainly you do auditory or you do kinesthetic best..to learn English Spelling; Visual works better. And you will not get better results just because you feel better doing kinesthetic things and moving around...you will not get better results doing it...You get better results if you learn how to visualize. On the other hand, if you want to learn a new language for example ... It doesn't help for you to make pictures of the words...Even though you are a very strongly visual person and believe it does. You see when people who are very strongly visual... they try to learn another language ... they make pictures of the words... and of course it confuses the hell out of them if they come to a language thats written in another script. You know like they're trying to use visual to learn Japanese or Arabic or something. The auditory method of reading works fine for reading. And so thats a phonetic method. Thats where like in English you sound it out...like it is useful cause it gives you an idea of what the sound of the word might be. But for actually going the other way and spelling the word to write it down ... its pretty useless. So these have different uses. If you're learning another language... like in order to speak a little Russian ...... I need to listen carefully to what people are saying. For example they have sounds that you don't have in English..for example the sound [Richard makes the Russian sound which is like an ee sound but made at the back of the throat and has no English equivalent] so like just to say something as simple as [Richard says which is like vee but with the new sound] which is you I need to make a sound I dont usually make and it doesnt help to see it written down. Its not even an English letter. So this is a really important thing to know..... To learn certain things, its useful to know which part of the brain will help you learn them best. And this is why, when Japanese people learn English they know the English alphabet because they learned at school...from writing Japanese....they learn 4 different alphabets....But ah, that doesn't mean that they can speak English because To Speak English...You have to Listen....And this is why the L and the R get swapped around....people from Japan or China often swap around the L and R Because the sound is in the middle..in those languages. And to do that they need to look across to auditory 101

recall. Is to listen to what you say and look across to her left... level across...to get the auditory. Because when I asked these people about their door....then what they did was they looked across here... A very unusual place in ordinary terms to look, to listen for the sound of the door. And when I asked them if we oil it, actually what they tended to do was ..[demo flickering eyes side-side] ..So they look across here and listen to what the door sounds like now....And then check what it would sound like oiled. If you have a look in your notes...this diagram is actually on page 13. And look I've forgotten to put in the little things on the diagram ... could you just write them in..like the V/C and the A/R...Just a mistake. No its to help you remember it. I would write it this way (as if facing the person)...because you are going to use it while watching someone else. And the way it is drawn is the way it would be if you were looking at someone else. And thats the easiest way to remember it. And so, Visual is up at the top and I'm using the Back of the brain...my Eyes are pulled Up and to each side. When I'm using the Auditory areas on each side of the Brain...my Eyes are Level with ears and pulled to the sides. And when I'm feeling / feelings Kinesthetically .. which is at the Top of the Brain ..(paradoxically) .. I'm going to look Down. And the place that I'm going to look is down here to my right. So that is when I asked people to remember What is the softest floor covering they remember .. that they walked on. Now this is very interesting because in order to remember the softest floor covering ..what people ..(and you saw this in fact) .. what people usually do 1st is .. (they look) .. So they go visually and they look through their file of pictures of floor coverings, until they find one that looks soft .. and then once they've found one.. then they check how soft it feels. So I needed to wait for a while .. while they do this other kind of checking. So they look .. construct what it must have looked like if you looked closely at it ..look..look..look and then they feel what it feels like..and then yeah I know what it feels like. So Kinesthetic means Body Sensation. Although someone might look down here when they are paying attention to their emotions .. Kinesthetic is not the same as emotion. So the Kinesthetic area of the brain is the area at the top of the brain here. Thats where the body sensations are. Emotions are generated in quite different places in the brain. The emotions like fear and anger and so on .. are generated very deep in the brain. And the emotion of happiness is actually associated with dramatic activity in the front of the brain .. (in the goal setting area) What we call happiness is when someone has the sense that they are in charge of their life basically. To be happy ..is to choose ..what you actually are doing .. what you actually feel. So this is so reliable by the way (this is on the side but this is so reliable ...that we can predict how happy someone will say they are just by scanning their brain) And the research on happiness has only been done in the last 10 years. So they've studied 1000s of people; they've scanned their brain and then they answer a questionnaire.. How Happy Are You? And from that they can reliably predict from a scan exactly: Its a 100% prediction. And then if you train them to do what happy people do for a few weeks ... they come back and their brain scan will be different. So the activity in the front of the brain is strongly associated with happiness. And this the area of where people have a sense of what I'm doing, being in charge of their life. And of course when someone is depressed there's hardly any activity in the front. So the person has difficulty setting goals. So depression and not having a sense of choosing what I'm doing in my life is a pretty closely correlated thing. So when they did this research, they did it 1st in Europe. And they studied one guy he's actually from Belgium... and he's sort of the happiest guy in Europe. Its a very interesting thing cause he was like way off the scale. Every one else is like ..[here..here..and here].. and there was a big group of people in the middle here who are reasonably happy, and then here's 102

this guy who's way, way Up Happier. But its not a coincidence; he's someone quite interesting. His name is Matthieu Rickard and he has an interesting job...he works as a translator for the Dalai Lama. And he does a form of meditation each day. And in this form of meditation he does ... he meditates for 6 hours per day, you know like quite a reasonable amount. And in his meditation he sends love and compassion to all living beings. What a job eh? you know like rough job ..but I suppose someone's got to do it. When we scan prisoners brains, then they have very poor functioning in the frontal lobe ..and ah actual areas where there's very little brain cells there. And its purely a matter of not using it. If you use an area of your brain .. it builds more, it gets more brain cells and it creates more connections. And so much so, this is really important thing to understand, when I'm talking about the brain and say this happens here and this happens here its not as simple as saying...So this happens here so, if you haven't got much happening there ..then your brain doesn't work. Its not like that. See I can tell you that in the K area .. there's an area in the K area that specifically controls my R hand and an area that controls my R hand ok. So we can map it out .. there's a little person in there ..(here I'll just map it out for you).. some of you will have seen this diagram ..I'll just draw it for you here.. So, inside the Kinesthetic area of the brain .. there is a little person there with a big hand, a big head and a teeny, weeny body.. and its like this.. so there's exact areas. Have you seen this? ..some of you will have seen this picture, if you look at anatomy and physiology books. And so its actually this part of the brain here runs the hand and this part of the brain here runs the foot.. and when you connect them all together its a little diagram of a person. So your brain has a map of a person inside the K area. And the Head is big and the hands are big. Why are the hands big and the head is big, is because you use them more than your feet. If someone uses their feet because their hands are paralyzed or something, in this area with the feet becomes bigger. So, its not set, that's important to understand. So much so that if we take someones Left hand and we tie it up for 24 hours so they can't move it.. after 24 hours half of the area that was running their Left hand will be apportioned to their Right hand. So the Right will now have 1 pieces of the area and their Left hand will have only . So this is happening every day, even if we don't tie it up the area thats running each hand will be slightly different from one day to the next. So different cells are running it. So its like a computer, where the computer can store the same information on different parts of the disc. And it habitually does that, it reassesses what areas of its disc.. (hard drive space)... it should give to each program. It assesses it on an ongoing basis. So your brain is just constantly changing what it does. Its not just that your brain can heal if there's brain damage.. its that your brain is in the constant process of healing and changing itself. Its reassessing everyday how much you need to put into.. which things. So if someone is depressed, its 24 hours away from completely changing how much is apportioned to being in charge of their life and feeling happy. Its really, really fast, that things are happening in the brain. Thats important to know isn't it.. cause I draw these diagrams and I say this happens here and this happens here....You need to understand that there's a lot of flexibility with it. So if you have some area of the brain that you want to develop, you just use it more and within 24 hours your brain will start shifting activity there...start giving you more space to do things with..what you want. Kinesthetic means body sensation. Just because someone is more aware of their body sensation doesn't mean they are more aware of their emotions. Those are 2 separate things. And, so whats over on the other side here though you would expect it goes... Visual.. [top] Auditory [level] Kinesthetic [bottom] right? The eye movements....But whats actually over on the other side here, is the specialized area that deals with language. So this is the area.. here.. here.. and here.. [on diagram of brain Ad areas] that is on one side of the brain 103

only..(well mostly on one side of the brain).. and that deals with language, which is symbolic processing. So if someone understands a sign language then they will use the same areas of the brain that process spoken language. So it is a symbolic area. We call it Auditory Digital in NLP. But its actually a symbolic thinking area. And so it processes words, not just the sound. The sound is processed in A/R and A/C....But the meaning of the words is processed in A/D. So each word has a specific meaning. And those meanings are stored in the A/D areas. Which, obviously this is a new thing that humans have, that not all animals have.. is such large A/D areas. Q/A Articulate usually refers to A/D, like putting it into words. For example Einstein said most of his thinking happened visually and he would construct images and just kind of free visualize images.....and that was how he made sense of things like, The Theory of Relativity. And then he said the hard part was putting it into words to explain it to another human being. And that I would say is like the difficulty of putting it into words to explain it is getting it into A/D. So watch me, .. [demo].. If I was to be looking up here and I'm saying hmm, I don't know how to describe that....Then what you would do to me is, you'd gesture up, up where my eyes are going. And you'd say, So as you imagine it......How would you say that in words?......and you would actually direct my eyes down into A/D. Obviously we could,.. (and we do on the Practitioner Training).. altogether we spend days going in more depth into Auditory..Visual..Kinesthetic... Not just the eye movements, there's so much more. I mean there's ah,..which part of the brain use affects the way you breath, for example. People who are visualizing are breathing faster. People who are paying attention to body sensations breath slower...and their metabolism slows. People who are thinking in pictures; the pictures flash in front of their mind very quickly..and they breathe quicker..and they breathe higher into the chest and their metabolism tends to speed up. So there are many different ways of noticing what part of the brain a person is using. And of course one of the most important ..is words. Like let me show you...I do quite a bit of couples counseling and its really important to understand this sort of thing if you work with couples......I'm not teaching you to be couples counsellors or something. [demo] Here's an example of a couple who came to see me. And its a man and a women.. married.. and the man said, [after a breathy sigh] watch his eyes Well, I can't imagine what she does all day you know like, I like things to be tidy around the place and I tidy up the house in the morning, and [sigh] sometimes I come home at night and things are kind of lying around on the floor and dishes aren't done and it just looks like she doesn't care. Now whats his main sensory system he's using? [Reply: Visual] And you can hear it in his words as well as see it in his eyes. So she says [sigh], Well it doesn't it doesn't feel like that to me at all. I feel like I put my energy into making the home comfortable for the children and us...and I feel like when you come home you just rush past me and we never really connect now and it doesn't feel to me like.. [sigh].. like you want to be connected [sigh] with us. Whats her main sensory system? [Reply: Kinesthetic] Kinesthetic, subtle but you can notice it right? So this is really important because most of their conflicts are about which part of the brain their living in. So in fact they love each but they don't speak the same language. So he says, Another thing I can't see is.. when I wake up in the morning I'm looking forward to my day...And this is something thats always puzzled me about her is I see her in the morning and she's lying there in bed... and she just seems to lie there in bed like...like sort of not inspired sort of thing. She needs more vision of the future. And I don't know how that happens like and ah for some reason its especially in winter. Now I understand both of these languages right? Visual and Kinesthetic. So I translate between them. So I say to him, Well you know this thing about winter...if you live in NZ you understand what he's on about right? So in the winter, when its 104

cold in the room....the day is blank for her....she can't see whats going to happen for her, until the room warms up, that's all.... Do you get?... What I'm doing is I'm translating... I'm translating from her Kinesthetic experience... of what its like to wake up in a cold room and not feel inspired because its just cold that she's aware of and his visual experience of looking forward to the day. And so its blank. And he says, Well, I suppose I can see how that would be. Now I explained to her why he's so obsessed with picking things up from the floor. So I say to her, I know this will sound strange but imagine this,..imagine that you went to bed in the evening and he went to bed 1st and he was eating toast in bed .. and there were crumbs all through the bed .. Can you imagine what it would be like to get into a bed like that? [R brushes as if brushing toast crumbs off his body] Thats what it feels like to him, to walk into a room where there's things on the floor. Do you see what I've done? I've translated his visual experience into kinesthetic. [demo] Thats what it would feel like to him ...like its all over him. So she goes ooha I think I'm getting a handle of that now... I didn't think it would feel like that. So I'm just translating between them. Its very important because they love each other and I just want to explain in personal terms this makes a difference and you need to know this. So they love each other and maybe sometime between the time he comes home and sees the dishes aren't done and the time when he goes off to work and he's puzzled as to why she's still lying in bed in the morning..... Then they want to make love........So they can both understand that.....And he says Great yeah lets make love, yeah look, this is exciting. And she says What are you doing holding me back and staring at me.. making love is about being close and holding each other close....if its distracting you lets just turn off the light so we can just be with each other. And he says, Turn off the light!! How am I supposed to get excited?...We might as well be making love from different rooms if I can't see you!! And she says, Well if you're going to hold me back and stare at me..we might as well make love over the phone anyway you know. And so, its a very important thing.... they do love each other... but they do- not -speak- the same language. So you can imagine this happens in the work situation.. (not making love of course) but the sensory system difference. The aim of this training is that you would have more flexibility with this. And thats the aim, so that when you're talking to someone you would have the flexibility to understand the way that they are doing things.. as well as come back to your own way of doing things. Both things are important. Like to get someone else to cooperate with you, you want to be able to do things their way. But then you also want to be able to come back and make sure, you get your own needs met as well..of course. And thats my hope. My hope is that people get more flexibility from this. And here's what I hope doesn't happen.... Is that people come into the training and they think... Wow! this Visual, Auditory, Kinesthetic, thats the way it is. And I've discovered that I'm a Visual, so thats why I can't feel things. Or they say, I'm a Kinesthetic, so thats why I can't make pictures easily in my head...this explains it. Look people have got enough boxes already, without me giving them new NLP restrictions on life. So, what I hope doesn't happen is that people categorize themselves as one thing or the other.. you know like.. this is just a set of ways of understanding what someone else is doing. And flexibility is a high value of NLP in that set of presuppositions. Like when I'm teaching in Japan I adjust what I'm doing to fit with Japanese culture more. So I do less of this kind of movement [demo of smaller bowing Japanese movements] by the way,..Cause this kind of movement [wider New Zealand movements] looks like showing off.. in Japan.. it looks arrogant. Like if I went like this in NZ [demo arms spread out with palms up] it would mean I'm sorry. But in Japan its showing off. Cause hey I'm sorry is like this [demo low bow with 105

hands tight by side] So I need to know that. And when I meet someone in Japanese I need to know not just the simple technique of saying the words correctly but if I say.. Hajimemashite if I say that with NZ gestures... It's just wrong. You know, it just doesn't make sense to them. So I say it like..[demo]..in the Japanese way because it creates this feeling that I'm going to call rapport. See I need to have that flexibility if I'm going to convince them of anything...if I'm going to teach them anything. I need to be able to shift to their way of doing things. And then I need to be able to shift back to my way of things. I'm not actually Japanese you know...and I like being who I am. There are some things that I didn't enjoy in the culture I grew up in... but I've changed those things so I'm quite happy staying where I am. like I don't need to Be Japanese and I don't need to Be Bosnian... What I need is to be able to understand what its like in there if I'm going to show them anything. Sometimes I want to explain something to someone...like say, lets imagine I'm mostly thinking visually and I want to explain something to someone who is processing things kinesthetically. Now I want them to understand what its like inside me.. right? The way I would usually think of that for myself is to say like.. Well, what I'm looking for is the light at the end of the tunnel... I'm just trying to picture what the future will be like. That doesn't get across to them what I generally want. It doesn't mean anything to them. So, to me its more authentic...like part of being authentic is getting it across to them what I truly want... Rather than something they'll misunderstand. And so to get that across to them if they are thinking kinesthetically,..is.. Well I'm searching for some way that we can pull ourselves out of this place. And when I say it that way then they can feel what its like, and they understand me. Richard Bandler one of the co founders of NLP, ... he gives an example of...he was working at a software place in Silicon Valley. They hired him, they said we've got this guy and he's really good at most of the stuff he does with computers, you know hands on stuff he's great at. But he cannot understand circuit diagrams. And to understand the advanced stuff we're doing..you have to be able to understand.. (you know a circuit diagram? A diagram of where the electricity goes).. So Richard Bandler goes up to the guy and he says....Can I just find out what happens when you look at this diagram....and the guy goes.... Well it just doesn't have any impact on me at all. I just can't get a handle on it at all. Thats always the way it feels like that with these things. Now do you hear what he's doing? He's talking entirely in kinesthetic terms. It doesn't look like anything to him....he's holding it in the wrong place to look at it anyway....All he knows is how it feels. So this is why when people are good at reading they tend to do it like this [demo kid lying on floor holding book up to visual area] When kids are not good at reading, then they only read at school....and they have the book on the desk and they look down. And they can't imagine whats going on, they can't see it. So anyway, Richard Bandler says, Ok what I think would be useful is, just imagine for a moment.. what it would feel like to be an electron, ..(you know like a piece of electricity).. and feel what its like to be inside this diagram here.. So here you are traveling down this line here, can you feel that? And the guy goes Yeah. So Richard says, Feel what happens when you get to this resistor...And the guy goes Whoa. Ok now find out what happens when you get to the switch....and the guy goes... Far out thats interesting, ok I think I'm getting the hang of this. So what Richard Bandler does is he takes him through the diagram kinesthetically. So he's showing him how to use that piece in the middle so he can convert the diagram into kinesthetic. Which is where the guy already does things really well.. He's good at hands on stuff. Its when he has to look at something that he doesn't get a handle on it. So what I want you to do is some real simple stuff today. Now you understand the system, there's a lot more you could do with it. I'm going to get you to just sit with someone and break a social rule.. (science research you know).. I'm going to get you to look at their eyes while they talk, thats all. In some cultures thats normal. When I'm teaching in America, (here's another example of rapport) ..when I'm 106

teaching in America, I need to look at people when I'm talking. And if I don't do what I'm doing now..[demo focusing on peoples eyes while taking].. if I don't look at them...they think I'm hiding something from them. They really do, they'll think why is he so shifty? Why is he avoiding our eyes? So this ..[demo].. means I actually believe what I'm saying. And this means I'm really with it and I'm actually telling you this thing truthfully. So in America people say to their kids...Look me in the eyes when you're talking to me...they want to know the truth. But doing this ..[demo].. in NZ this feels like, what we call.. getting in your face...And once you understand the cultural differences...you can understand what its like for someone from a Pacific culture with the usual Pakeha (non-Maori, European origin culture in New Zealand) amount of eye contact and it feels like over the top...feels like, in your face. So this differs culturally. In this exercise I'm going to ask you to put that aside and look at the persons eyes while they talk. Because you want to have this diagram in front of them so you can see where their eyes are going. And what you're going to do is ask them a simple question: What do you like and not like about where you live? Now if thats not an appropriate topic just ask them .. What do you like and not like about where you work? or What do you like and don't like about Wellington? Something to give you something to talk about while the other person watches your eyes. Its just so you get used to this idea. Got the game? So you want to find another human being and ask them that simple question ... Just take a couple of minutes each to do this. And different cultures of course, people encourage different sensory system use. And so European cultures where most of my ancestors came from, of course where very Visual cultures. And information is coded visually and people remembered things visually. And when my ancestors came to this country... Pacific cultures are much more Auditory and Kinesthetic. And so there's much more auditory memory for example. So when a Maori speaker is storing and reciting memory ..ah.. they don't have it all written down, they do it in A/D and A/R and often they use Kinesthetic assistance. So a Maori speaker who knows their whakapapa (their ancestry).. they often have a stick and each mark is a different generation that they will recite as they go down the stick. And when the 1st settlers were here in NZ, this cultural difference was fairly dramatic. So in the 1860's a land court was set up in NZ, it was called the Maori land court. It sounds like a Maori organization but actually it was a settler government organization designed to ..(lets put this politely).. it was designed to assist Maori to move their land into European control. So what the Maori land court would do, was they would find areas of land that obviously weren't being used...because they were in forests which is such a waste because you could chop the trees down and put sheep there. And so they would then say,.. Well this land doesn't seem to be used so we are going to sell it to some settlers. So if you think you own this land though...your Iwi...(your tribe) or your Hapu,.. (subtribe) own this land...then you better come to the court and tell us. So they put up notices every where, fair is fair. And so then the people would come to prove that this is their land. Now the 1st case that was ever heard by the Maori land court, it kind of went like this....A Maori expert.. (a tohunga).. came in and he said we know this piece of land belongs to us..our Hapu and I can recite for you the genealogy the whakapapa that goes back to the 1st people who came here and I can tell you the whole story. And he began to recite it...my fathers name is this, and my mothers name is this, and her fathers fathers name is and her mothers mothers name is and my fathers father and my fathers mother etc. etc. and it goes on like this...And he talked for 7 hours. For 7 hours he recited names connecting himself with all of these people in his Hapu. And showing how they were the descendants of the people who had named the areas of land. And its quite clear that the names of the land areas are the names of his ancestors. And so he recited this for 7 hours. Well the English judge.. 107

(see most of the settlers at this time had been born in Europe).... So the English judge knew this was completely impossible for someone to remember 7 hours of genealogy...right? He knew right?.. because you'd have to have a book right? So the next day they came back and the judge said I'm sorry we've lost the records of yesterdays court, could you tell us again how you know that its your land? And so this man patiently began to recite it again...and after 2 hours.. (and of course the clerk of the court room was checking that what he was saying was the same as what was saying yesterday... And he'd said word for word what he had been saying yesterday for 2 hours)...And the judge says alright... it seems we've found the records and it seems like they are correct. And so the reason was that in European cultures...memory recitation wasn't something that was done, auditory memory wasn't very well developed at all. And there are some parts of the world...when I'm traveling through Islamic world people learn huge tracks of the Koran and they're able to recite it from memory perfectly. And everyone knows it by memory, you can check it with the written word if you want to but they know it, because they know it themselves. And this is a whole goal in Islamic life is to be able to recite the entire Koran...and you get a title for being able to do that: Hafiz. So in different cultures people develop different skills. We're only still learning how to use our brain. And its such a miraculous thing the brain. And the things that we've discovered in the West in the last 10 years are amazing and I'm sure that this process will escalate rather than reach its completion. What we will know about the brain in 100 years will be just enormously more than what we know now. And we're just waking up yeah. If you learned to drive a car or you learned to ride a bicycle...at 1st its very hard to do all of these things at the same time, you know? Its sort of like..How do I do this...while I'm doing this? Its like...How do I talk to someone and pay attention to where my eyes are and where their eyes are. And so what I would say is a little at a time...is the answer. Usually when you learn to ride a bicycle for example...someone holds on to the back at 1st they don't expect you to be able to just get on and ride. So they hold the back while you ride a little bit while they hold it upwards...and you just learn to turn the pedals...And then they let you learn to get the balance. And at 1st you don't even know where to find the muscles that you need to adjust so that you can stay on the bicycle...But eventually thats what happens. When you look inside a car for the 1st time to learn to drive a car...it just looks like there is endless things there that you'd have to pay attention to. And your 1st thought usually would be... How can I possibly see all these things at once? But actually, usually they would simplify it...Usually the person who teaches you to drive a car would have the car already started and then you would sit in it... and then you start doing things...and you do very simple things at 1st. And this I think is the same. Its possible for me now.. to pay attention to where my eyes are going and to demonstrate for you...So I'm doing that sometimes of course...I'm looking up into V/R and I'm looking up into V/C and looking down into K or looking down into A/D...and intentionally doing it. Its possible to learn it but just a little at a time. [Q. about the impact of being born blind.] The impact of being born blind most of all shows the significance of the eye movements...They use the Visual part of the brain almost as much...(and we've had one totally blind person doing this training)... And he talked a lot in visual words. And he did a lot of visualizing. And when the research checks that...people who are born blind use this area [visual brain] to make maps of ..whats ..where around in the world. They wouldn't call it visualizing but its a similar kind of process. And so they use that visual part of the brain for that. Now when they do their eye movements...they often...unless they were taught as children...they don't know that everyone holds their head still. And so it looks like this.. [demo head jerking side-side Stevie Wonder style].. And so 108

what you're seeing when you watch someone who was blind at birth is...just the ordinary eye movements...But they don't know that everyone else politely holds their head still while they are talking...And so their eye movements are a little more dramatic. [Note: comment from student...So thats what it is with Stevie Wonder. ] Yes, Yes thats what it is...that guy is just ..listening here..constructing sounds..listening.. constructing sounds and he's having a great time you know. And most people hold their head still and restrict it a little. And in certain cultures..like I said in America..eye contact is highly valued, now that makes it a very clearly a more visual culture than NZ culture is for example even. And the other thing about it is that it does make it a little more difficult for the person who is going to try and hold eye contact so they try to stop their eyes from moving. Now how they deal with that is they shift around like this [demo].. so I can look down and get kinesthetic while still appearing to be making eye contact with you. Or I can look up here and visualize [demo] while still appearing to be making eye contact with you. One of the things with dyslexia, is that dyslexia only occurs in certain cultures where you have certain reading and writing systems..for example. It only becomes obvious in those cultures. So when I teach in Japan, people are completely baffled by the idea..they can't understand it. And its because in Japan people are not required to visually learn spelling. They learn to write Japanese characters kinesthetically. Now to understand the difference, most NZers will have had the experience of remembering a telephone number kinesthetically. So you don't know the number until you've got the phone. And so you cant see the number in your mind. You can feel where the numbers should go...your fingers know the number. And thats kinesthetic learning. Now thats the way that Japanese learn to write Japanese. So they learn...they practice in school writing the Kanji and they have to do it that way...cause looking doesn't do it...Because the Kanji have a stroke order. And so you have to write by one stroke and then the next stroke and if you write them in the wrong order then it doesn't look the same. And so if you see someone in East Asian culture learning to write they have to practice kinesthetically...so their hand knows. If you ask a Japanese person how you write such and such word in Japanese......here's what they'll do.. [demo they hold imaginary paper in palm of hand and write with imaginary pen looking down right] in other words they do it kinesthetically. They cannot see it because they learned it kinesthetically. So how dyslexia happens is, in a visual culture when someone doesn't learn to remember visually what they saw. And so when I ask someone who has been diagnosed as dyslexic, to spell a word in English for example....the most common thing they do..is they look down here and they talk to themselves.[demo] Not an effective method. The 2nd most common thing.. (not common for someone who is absolutely diagnosed dyslexic).. is to look up into V/C and make it up. This is what we call creative spelling...You just kind of make something up like it could be. So what they haven't learned is to access the correct area of the brain. And as soon as I show them how to do that......and of course there may be something different in their brain that makes it more likely that they'll do that.....But that doesn't matter.....It doesn't matter what part of the factory the watch came from.....You just need to know where the buttons are...to get the result you want. So, look its a hour thing to show someone who's been diagnosed dyslexic how to spell perfect. Its really simple, and we'll practice doing it later on this week those of you doing the Practitioner training. Interesting stuff eh? And there's a little more about ADHD. People who have so called Attention Deficit Disorder don't have attention deficit at all! What they have is... Attention Overload...and they're really good at paying attention to things....but they don't know....You know when you 109

work on a computer? Like there's things called windows on most computers right? And you can open one window and then close it, and thats fine. But if you open 100 windows...the computer starts to jam..right? So the person who has ADHD, everything they see produces a kinesthetic response. And so its called a (synesthesia) and when they see something...they want to do something physically with it. So they see these colored pens...and I want to play with them...like wow this is so cool [demo].. and then I see someone got some colored clothes I like.. and I think wow and I want to touch them.... and each time I'm opening a window until its just an overload and I can't concentrate on anything. And the poor person who's like this thinks everyone else is opening 100 windows but they're somehow managing it. They don't realize that mostly people are just taking it real simple...They just open a couple of windows and then they close the damn things...and then their brain is in neutral [blank look] There's a joke about a woman asking a man...What are you thinking?... [demo blank look].. nothing profound going on at all. So they see something and they feel what it feels like...so they're pulled towards it... and respond to it... and its happening automatically and uncontrollably. Most people don't do that...they might do it a little... and then they close it down. And so for these people as you're saying ...they're caught in a whoosh whoosh whoosh ...And its an emotional roller coaster. What people call Personality Disorders ...they are just skills that are being used in the wrong place. And like I said yesterday.. the skill of disagreeing with people is just absolutely crucial in many jobs... And its just that you don't want to take it home with you. Being hyperactive is very important in certain things...and what you'll notice is... like for example: Its a skill required to respond to games like PlayStation and Nintendo...where you see something and you have to respond immediately and people like that are usually really good at those games. Attention Deficit is not what it is...They've got total attention...they can play those games for hours. Its literally like teaching someone how to run a TV set. You just tell them...Look no one else is trying to do what you're doing....you're just doing more than everyone. And I teach them how to do it...I teach them how to remember stuff. Now, what we're on the edge of here, is Rapport. Rapport means that ... when you notice a different way of doing things that someone has......You adjust the way you are doing things so that it makes sense to them. And Rapport is absolutely the fundamental thing in communication. And I want to give you some practice at some other ways of creating rapport. So rapport is the feeling that you get when someone understands you. And its the feeling that you get .. that you understand them. And this happens right here in this place in the middle in the brain. And it happens because of these things called Mirror Neurons. And the mirror neurons, when you see someone else, they are what enables you to get a feeling of what its like ..inside them. Now how that happens is very simplistic...what happens is that, when you see someone else make a hand gesture... your brain automatically starts making that gesture. And luckily you have ... this piece in the front... the conscious mind... the bullshit detection system.. that stops you from doing it.. because other wise it would be kind of embarrassing. And here's where you can see it happening where it is like that.. without the conscious mind...With Monkeys and Apes. So in most languages there is a word.. a verb.. which is to copy someone.. that comes from the word for Ape or Monkey....so we could say to Ape someone... means to copy them... without knowing what your doing. We have a saying in English.. Monkey see..Monkey do. And so this is because Monkeys and Apes have lots of mirror neurons... they have a very similar kind of brain structure to human beings... they have lots of mirror neurons. But they don't have this conscious mind that can stop it from happening. So when you make a facial expression in front of them, they 110

automatically do it. So if you smile, then they smile... you reach out your hand and they reach out their hand. So they don't have enough kind of control to stop it happening very much. Now the same thing happens with human babies of course. So this is why..Rapport is built in from the very start. And babies respond to the people around them very effectively. They need to... in order to survive. And so when babies start to laugh they start to laugh because everyone else laughs. They don't get the joke.. they just laugh. Once they learn to laugh they laugh when everyone else does...And they're totally into it because they are in Rapport... Their brain does it without censoring it. Parents learn this usually... If you're trying to feed a 6 month old kid solids, you open your own mouth... they don't usually get what the mirror neurons are doing and the mirror neurons kick in and they open their mouth involuntarily [demo].. and before they know it... they've got stuff in their mouth. So, they haven't got enough conscious mind to stop it from happening. And this takes about 2 months for them to learn to control... So you've got a 2 month window of opportunity at this stage...So you've got this sort of gunk on a spoon.. and so you're going to put this in their mouth. So they're just kind of sitting there like..[demo].. So how do you get it into their mouth? Well, every parent knows what you end up doing.. is you [demo like this].. because they've got a 2 month opportunity to shove stuff in there before they start censoring it. And until they learn to stop this, all they can do is this.. to try to avoid it..[demo mouth open but turning from side to side]... Because the mirror neurons trigger their mouth to open if your mouth opens. So babies are born with this ability to build rapport. And what you do to build rapport, is you copy the other person. Its as simple as that. So when John Gottman studies people who are in relationships that are working...when one of them is upset.. (and he's monitoring their pulse, blood pressure and brain waves).. The other person responds by feeling that feeling. And no 2 ways around it.. they feel that feeling. Their brains shows it, the more successful the relationship is...the more its happening. So even though they disagree with that person, they can still feel what it feels like inside that person. Their whole brain...their whole body responds, like that person. And this gives them the ability to understand. And the other person knows they understand... because they start showing it. So how that happens is when people are in a relationship thats going to last... when one of them is talking...the other person starts breathing in time with them, they nod in time with them, and things like that. In a relationship thats not going to last, one person is talking and the other person is just.. [demo fixed blank stare to side].. like they're just somewhere else.. breathing at a different rate, their brain is thinking about other things, they're just not there. And so you understand, that the conscious mind gives you the ability to be away from the other person. The rapport system and the reality testing system are separate systems. And you need both of them to survive successfully in human cultures. So you need to be able to set goals and work out what you want... and think this is real and this is not real and I'm different to this person, I have different ideas and stuff like that. That happens here in the front. Right here in the middle between these things is where the rapport process happens. And both these areas of the brain are necessary for a successful relationship. So rapport is the feeling you get when someone understands you. And that happens when they match you... when they copy what you do. Not consciously usually... just unconsciously. Thats the way it happens. Your brain is constructed to do this copying... its only your conscious mind that can stop this from happening. So, there are 3 ways of thinking about this,... it happens Auditorally, Visually, and Kinesthetically. Now auditorally there's a very cool film that gives an example of auditory rapport that's available at present... (its a little disturbing as a film but I really recommend it).. and its called.. Slum Dog Millionaire. So some of you may have seen it ... Now, Slum Dog Millionaire is set in India... and its got a 111

Call Center in India that is a cell phone selling place. So they sell cell phones around the world. Its like when you ring up Telecom from NZ... if you call in the evening you're going to get someone in Manila right?.. cause there's a call center in Manila. Now the most effective of these Call Centers train their staff to use auditory rapport. And so in the film Slum Dog Millionaire.. you hear this person and he's calling up from India.. he's calling up someone in Scotland... and this woman says Hello, good God will somebody talk to me. [strong Scottish accent] and the Indian boy at the sales centre says Hello, Mrs Mackintosh from Kingussie and she replies Its Kinussie love its pronounced Kinussie. So where are you from abroad I bet! and he replies in more of a Scottish accent Just down the road from your house Mrs Mackintosh next to the Loch. And so he's creating this rapport, he's adjusted his voice to be similar to her voice. And so the people in the Call Centers are trained to adjust their voice to each style of English from around the world... and listen to the other person and adjust their voice..... Because it works! Because it enables them to sell things... (Its not just that people understand them). By the way, if I don't adjust my voice when I'm on the phone in America...I can't order a pizza... you know like...[New Zealand accent]...I say, I wanna order a......its true... I say I want to order a pizza And they say, [American accent] I'm sorry sir you'll need to speak English.. And so I learned to adjust my language a little...in order to make sense. But what I would usually recommend is ... I don't recommend that you copy the accent consciously because it takes acting skills to do that. They train the people in the Call Centers to do it. But what I recommend is... that you copy some of the things in someones voice that are very easy to copy... The speed for example. [R speed talks] There's a very famous story: One of the early NLP Trainers, (Genie Laborde) She was hired by AT&T... which is the American Telecom. And AT&T had a problem in their Call Center where they followed up accounts. So what was happening is ... When someone hasn't paid their phone bill....the AT&T Call Center in New York would call them.....and they would say Hey, you haven't paid your phone bill... now I can't imitate a good American accent but the New York version is quite nasal and quite quick.. [verbal demo] So its got this kind of quality to it; like if youve watched films like The Nanny, ah sometimes on something like Friends you hear someone with a strong New York accent... Now this works great in the Northern States but when they rang people in the Southern States where they've got a slow drawl accent .. [verbal demo of 2 way talk with different accents] They phone people up and say Hello sir, were sorry, but we notice that your account is overdue and we need to make some arrangement about this so were wondering what you could do in the next couple of days. Now this works great in the northern states but when they phone someone in the southern states, they may say Well ah let me see Im not sure ahif I paid that last month or if I Maybe I and the person would interrupt and say Well Im sorry sir, we really do need to do something about this right now. Is there something you can do over the next two days? If you can go into our centre in your own city. And the person would say Well just a moment here .. and eventually they'd hang up because they got so frustrated trying to understand the fast nasal accent from New York. So after a while the people in the call centre started to think those people from the southern states were sneaky!! those cunning sneaky Confederates, they're always trying to get out of something ever since the war....the civil war. So Genie Laborde, an NLP Trainer, was hired to go in and help... and she taught them this one simple thing......Adjust the speed at which you speak to the speed you hear the other person speak. And in 3 weeks they shifted their success rate with the Southern States up to the same level as their success with the Northern States. So it was just a matter of changing their voice so that the other person felt understood. So you can change the speed at which you speak,...you 112

can change the volume,...the loudness of the voice....some people speak quietly,...you can change the tone of voice,....there is quite a range of tone available to you, and even between men and women. So, ah what happens usually is that men and women have an overlap of tone by about 2 octaves. And there is approximately an octave at the high end.. [demo].. and low end..[demo].. of those 2 octaves that would be hard or difficult for the opposite sex to reach.....But mostly its in the middle...and mostly I can adjust my tone of voice so it matches a male or female that I'm speaking to. And then there's the rhythm, some people speak in short bursts.. [demo].. and some people speak in a flowing way..[demo].. so that one word merges into another in a flowing sort of way. And some people sound like they're doing some kind of a rap session with you..[demo]. Now you don't need to match the timbre of a voice. I'll explain what it is....the timbre of the voice is like which musical instrument is being used? For example, some people have a very breathy voice..[demo].. some people have a very gravelly voice like this.. [demo]... they can be using the same tone but it has a rough gravelly sound [like voice strain]..and this is the way you tell on the phone how old someone is [an older persons voice]. So you will naturally copy timbre to some extent but I recommend that you don't try to copy it unless you've got acting training, don't bother doing it consciously. You can copy the words, you probably already do that. You know to listen to some of the words a person uses and politely use similar words. Like if I'm training in Australia...and I don't swear..people will think I'm stuck up ...really they will. If I don't say...Bloody Hell!!...they'll think...Who is this wanker? And then there's cultures where if I swear...people will be really offended. NZ sits in the middle of my swearing repertoire. But people do choose their words based on where they are. So what I'm going to get you to do is practice auditory rapport 1st of all here. And this is going to mean that you are sitting down with 2 other people...and this is a very simple thing that you have been able to do since you were a baby...I'm just going to make you conscious of it. Now here's the deal....usually it works fine....you do this automatically. But sometimes you get the feeling with a person....I can't understand this person....Whats wrong? And that feeling is an indication that there's no rapport. And then you have several choices, one of which is what we're playing with now....which is auditory rapport. I just want to show you something here...because we're going to practice after lunch and I'm going to show you visual rapport and kinesthetic rapport. And what I mean by kinesthetic rapport....You're listening to me speak..right? And you can hear that when I'm speaking, I'm breathing out...so every so often I have to take in a breath...this is the rules...and by the way, you can't breath in and speak very easily.. [demo].. its better to speak breathing out. So naturally you have been listening to me talk for a day and now....[Richard talks in a long flow now without any breaths and many in the group seem to be struggling to breathe] And what I'd like you to notice what happens when I change something about this that instead of carrying on speaking while breathing in and breathing out if I just carried on speaking in one continuous flow like this then youd begin to get a feeling after a while like something very important isnt happening and its not just for me that it isnt happening, its something thats not happening inside you and it really needs to happen soon because. Take a breath. Got that feeling? Now if you got that feeling thats because we're in rapport...you've been breathing in time with me. And when I change my breathing...you're breathing changes and you feel Breathe Richard damn you. So thats important to notice because its an indication...if you're in rapport. And then when you suggest something to someone they'll be willing to try it out. Everything you want to do with other human beings depends on this ability. And you can learn it. You came prepackaged with it and its a balance. Its a balance between your conscious mind and the part of your brain that generates rapport. Now this 113

part we're going to play with 1st of all then ah Charlotte can I borrow your voice [Demonstration with assistant trainer Charlotte] so Im not going to attempt to Charlotte has an accent. Of course I dont have an accent yeah, I explain usually overseas that New Zealand English is a really simple language to learn because we really only have one vowel sound eer . So Charlottes going to say Rapport is the basis of all communication and Im going to listen to her and try and say it back the same way. Now the first time I may not say it so well so youre going to help me by telling me what I can improve. [Charlotte repeats the statement R repeats it and tries to sound like Charlotte. Then the class gives R advice on what he needs to do to tweak his voice to sound more like her and R has another go. First time speed needs altering, then volume, then tone] So now Im going to do better, I promise; Im learning; but youll still be able to hear . What youre kind of doing is checking How do I know its Richard and not Charlotte speaking, and then you can help me to improve so [Charlotte says say Rapport is the basis of all communication] Rapport is the basis of all communication Now thats closer. Can you hear? What can I do to improve? The very specific rhythm, theres kind of more emphasis on some parts. [Charlotte again says say Rapport is the basis of all communication ] Rapport is the basis of all communication Thats got a little bit more of the rhythm with it. So I can improve this. I could even speak audibly after a while. [clapping] So you're going to do this in a group of 3. Its real simple, and you don't have to do what I did at the start exaggerating. So the 1st person is going to say the sentence and the 2nd person is going to say it back and try to sound like the 1st person and the 3rd person is going to give feedback about how to improve....Do it a couple of times and then rotate around. Got the game? So you want to go and find 2 other human beings and have fun doing that. So remember who you were with...Because we're going to do another little exercise in the same group of 3. In that exercise...one of the things people say about auditory rapport is...What if the other person is upset or angry? So 1st of all I want to show you that you still need rapport...and rapport in your brain means... this person understands me. Cause imagine if someone says..I'm really annoyed!!! Somethings got to change around here!!! [in angry voice!!] And I say back...so you're a little bit bothered.. [demo mild voice].. wrong match. Now I wouldn't say it back As Loud in the exact same way as the other person because when someone is upset their hearing will be over sensitized..they actually hear things louder.. (which is an interesting physiological response .. because they're alert they hear things louder).. But I'll say it closer to the way they're saying it.. what I'm going to do is I'm going to start off close to where they are,..then I'm going to change.. [demo] So this sounds like this is really important to talk about and I'm not sure if now is the best time to talk about it..or if we should spend a little bit of time thinking about it and what we want out of it..and maybe come back in an hour or so and..What would be best?.. Is it ok for us to go on and talk about it..or would it be best in an hour..gradually [R slows it down to a normal speed and volume].. Now, if I got rapport...the other persons answer will be in the same range as my last sentence there. And if I didn't get rapport they will come back still sounding upset...so I know I haven't caught them in order to lead them on. So when you have rapport..if you change the other person will change with you. Thats an important thing to notice. So yes you can still use this when someone is upset. We will before lunch do this next piece which is I'm going to actually combine the visual and the kinesthetic stuff. Now what I'd like you to do 1st of all..Is I'd like you to stay in the same body position you're in right now..ok Now I just want you to have a look around and I want you to notice some things here... that happen...especially when people have been in a group has been together...they will come back into the room and they 114

will be sitting in a similar body position often. And people sitting near to them will often have a similar body position. So now you see the 3 people over here all have their hands reached out and connected here and they all have their legs crossed...and they all have their Left leg crossed over their Right at slightly different places but still the same leg. So if you have a look around the room you'll see...look here are 2 people who are sitting in almost the same position again next to each other. And so you'll see this happening a bit. And so you don't need to be trained in this...this would just be something that would happen naturally. Now one thing thats interesting about it is I want to show you 2 different ways of copying someones body position and creating rapport...and I hope you can see from the back: [ pointing out 3 people sitting in a row in similar position] the two of you have your left leg crossed over the top and you [third person] have your right leg crossed over the top, and so these3 are two ways of creating rapport. Now this one here [same leg crossed over] Im going to call matching its like a copy, and this one here [opposite legs over the top] Im going to call mirroring its like a mirror image...So these have a slightly different effect in your brain. So the mirror image thing [shows another example with 3 other people] feels like in the brain...almost like a mirror..so it feels like to this person that this other person is like a reflection of me. And if they speak in your voice while they're in a mirror image position, the mirroring will feel to you like its your internal thinking. So thats in a way more powerful. And because its more powerful...And because its more powerful.. especially when I'm teaching groups of sales people and groups of councilors...I want them to be a little careful with it. Because if you get mirroring rapport with someone...they don't notice that the two of you are separate..and they loose track of that and then you can sell them anything,...But the next day they'll wonder why they bought it. You know like they'll go home and wonder..Why did I buy 3 vacuum cleaners?.. I know..that guy he just seemed so nice. And that called buyers remorse. So thats not a smart move either. So the aim here is to build rapport so that they feel like you totally understand what they're trying to get here. And then have them experience making the decision. So what I recommend you do, is mirror until you get to a decision point...which would be called asking for the sale...And ask for the sale,..in a matching position. The matching position gives them the feeling...We're similar..but..we're not the same. Cause I can see they're not a reflection of me..they're just another person similar to me. So thats a useful distinction to notice between matching and mirroring. And its also important in counseling and coaching. So in counseling and coaching I want the person to feel like I really understand what they're situation is like. But when they make the decisions...like will I leave this job?..Will I leave this marriage? I want them to make those decisions..not me. So I mirror them to build a strong feeling of rapport...and then I shift back to matching and sort of take off the heat a little. So that they know they are making the decisions in their life...not me. So the other thing we're going to do at the same time is...I'm going to get you to practice mirroring..so you get the more powerful effect. And the other thing you're going to do at the same time..is you're going to breath in time with the person. So you're in the same group of 3 and it will be like this....Ok so we'll have person A. person B. and person C. So person B. is just going to be. And person A. is going to mirror..person B. so its like a reflection in a mirror and they're also going to breath in time with person B. And person C. is just going to see what happens and time it for 2 minutes from the time that they start breathing together. 2 minutes ok? Now 2 minutes is enough so that if they shifted their breathing,.. the other person would probably shift...thats a very reliable thing. People breathe in time with each other quite a lot and if you have 2 people 115

sleeping together in the same room they will tend to synchronize their breathing while they're asleep. So its not a conscious thing and if one of them wakes up..then the other person tends to wake up because their breathing changes and it breaks the other persons breathing pattern. So how do you breathe in time with someone?..[because you are not going to be talking during this] The way you can see how a person is breathing when they are sitting down...is that usually their shoulders will go up and down.. [demo R breathing].. And if their arms are not firmly held somewhere..then you'll see their arms will move in/out, as they breathe in/out. If they breathe deeper into their abdomen then their abdomen will move in/out.. [demo].. So all around the outside of their body you can see this movement. And if you absolutely cannot see them breathing then ask them to move their hand up/down while they breathe and you will then be able to synchronize with the hand movement and then see the other movements out of the corner of your eye. [demo].. Now another important thing to know when you breathe in time with someone is that people breathe at different rates. And if you're breathing in time with someone who is breathing much faster than you...do not take such deep breaths as you usually do. Other wise it happens like this..[demo]... And if their breathing much slower than you usually do...take bigger breaths, cause their breathing really deep. And it happens like this..[demo].. So watch their breathing and if its slower than you usually breathe, you breathe deeper and lower.... and if their breathing is faster than you usually do, breathe littler. Keys to Success CD 2C So your next mission should you decide to accept it will be......You will be in that same group of 3 and 1 person going to is simply going to breath remember. And the 2nd person is going to breath in time with them...so your going to sit in a mirroring position. So just to clarify that.. [demo]..R shows this is a mirroring position..right?..so it looks like a mirror image...my R leg is crossed over the top..and your L leg is crossed over the top. Person A is going to breath in time with person B. And they can ask them to move their hand up/down if you can't see the breathing happening remember. You can actually see better by the way...you can see movement better out of the edges of your vision. So if you stare straight at someone...there's some cultural prohibitions against staring straight at someones chest anyway by the way....But if you stare over their shoulder you actually get better information. So around the edges of your vision the cells see movement very well...they don't see color very well. Color is in the center and movement is around the edges. Its like if you think of an animal eating..it needs to see any movement on the sides so it knows when to run..but here in the centre is where you need the clarity of focus and knowing what you're eating kind of thing ok? So if you just look over their shoulder often you can see their breathing out of the corner of your eye. Now remember that thing..if they're breathing fast,..breath less..if they're breathing slow,..breath deep breaths...cause thats what they're doing. And person C is watching and when they start breathing in time.. they time it for 2 minutes and then quickly find out what was that experience like. And ah your brain is kind of pre-built for this sort of thing..as in breathing in time with people for rapport.........and so if you allow yourself to do it...then usually its a relaxing thing to do. If you're not used to it of course then it might seem a little strange and especially if you've been good at getting out of rapport. As a generalization there's a bit of a gender difference with rapport as well...not to put too fine a line on it guys but...women (and it tends to be cross cultural) women are often better at rapport and men are better at breaking rapport. These are both important skills. Being really good at rapport means you're at a party and someone is talking to you and you wish they 116

weren't...but you can't stop them? ...and its because as they're talking you're nodding..[demo] And so if you want to get out of rapport..you need to breath out of time with them,..stop nodding,.. change body position...do the stuff that breaks up relationships. And this is true also if you are a coach or a counselor. See counselors and coaches get so good at rapport. You know..the person comes in and they get in and they listen to them....and if they're working with a person who's depressed and he listens..[R demo of several depressed sorts of people coming in 1 after another]....until at the end of the day...the counselor is wondering Why do I feel so bad?...Why? Its just rapport.....So after your client leaves.......You want to stretch and breath......Break rapport... OK so, you're going to get into rapport after about 2 minutes....you can get out of rapport again....and ah both those things are useful. Anything else you need to know to have fun with this? Ok find those 2 people again and play with that. See rapport isn't just something that happens accidentally for humans or for any animal...its something thats crucial to their sense of understanding each other and trusting each other and so on. And so it usually.. it should.. produce a relaxation kind of response. The skin will get a little redder..and um there are ways that you'd notice that rapport is happening and the skin will redden a bit and breathing often slows down a little bit when you're in rapport. And sometimes a person will of course notice consciously..that somethings happened. So when I was 1st learning these things...I would be learning when I was over in America and then I'd come back on the plane to NZ..and so I'd...well you could imagine what I did....I'd practice breathing in time with anyone who was sitting near me on the plane..And more often than not, they'd turn to me and say in.. (in various verbal forms).. I've just got to tell you, you've got a great energy. ..[oh yeah, sure, cause its yours]. So you will get those sorts of experiences. What will often happen is... if you have a group who've been together for a while...there will be sub groups in there who have rapport with each other. And so whats interesting is to find out is...is there someone in that sub group who everyone else is actually following?...who's doing the starting of movements. And so this is fantastic if you can find that. So if you go into a group that you don't know...you watch everyone out of the corner of your eyes...you watch everyones movements. And as someone starts moving and then other people move in rhythm with them...so someone leans back and suddenly several people lean back...you know that this person is what we call the Rapport Leader. And that no one maybe aware of that consciously...but when they move..other people around them move. Now this person in high schools is called the Ring Leader. And this is quite interesting because it sounds rather unfortunate...it sounds like they're a nuisance..but they are just such a gift. If you find someone like that in a group..all you need to do build rapport with that person and...you've got that whole group. So for teachers who have someone who's 'the problem kid'.. and when they do things and the other kids follow them...thats the person you need rapport with...cause as soon as you've got them...you've got the whole group...and they won't even notice that. There's several things that you can do in that situation...one of them.. can you open up your notes and can you just turn to pg. 12.. and can you take a pen.. And on the Right hand side on pg 12 down at the bottom.. can you just underline section C .. just underline that with a pen..[Richard doews the same while the group does it] oh can you just underline that again. So what it says is...Ask the group to do something and do it with them. And so you just directly start the activity that involves rapport. And this is so interesting because the people in the group won't notice when your doing this. Like at the start of a Practitioner Training I get people to do an exercise where they..turn around..and point and I do it with them. And I'm quite open about it with them...I say, I'm going to do it with my 117

Right hand.. and you are going to do it with your Left hand. And no one complains. Like no one has ever said.. Excuse me,..are you deliberately making us mirror you? They've got too many things to think about.. to think about that stuff,.. They're just trying to understand what it is that I'm saying to them. So you can directly ask people to do stuff with you. Now in most cultures this was a normal way of starting any group event..so people would start off any group event in rapport. And in Europe what had happened was, this was true up until about 300 years ago and then as the religion sort of fragmented across Europe into many different religions...then it ended up with too many mass killings and things. And so it got to be difficult for people to stand up and sing all sing a song together... Which of course would synchronize everyones breathing.. you know when you sing a hymn together. But then, when you had to chose the hymn and people would kill each other if it was the wrong one...it got to be immediately a problem... So they stopped doing it. And thats a kind of a shame if you think about it. You see what happened was all the rapport building activities have gone out of Western culture. And it makes Western culture increasingly individually isolated... and with the feeling there is no community in it. And its remarkable to go even to Japan and see how much more community rapport there is. So that in Japan for example.. they have Obon dances.. each year while I'm there in the summer time. And the Obon dances are community events where the whole community comes together in the evenings.. and they'll probably go until 2am or 3am over the summer holidays...and theyre dancing together in a circle and everyone's doing the same movements at the same time. Very elderly people,..children,..foreign tourists,..but you know with the whole community involved in it,..In a way that you don't see as much in the West. So if we do have collective gatherings in the West..like even when there's a fireworks display or something and people come together into a park.. usually they are not in rapport....

So now you understand this basic idea of rapport...it is likely that you'll see it in lots of different places.. Because it really is a fundamental of being human. Its a fundamental as well of how people are successful in any area where you work with other humans. And its what I mean by flexibility. When I say.. If you work with people,.. you set goals and then you pay attention to what they're doing. And you need to pay enough attention so that you have the flexibility then to adjust.. so that what you're doing makes sense in their world.. thats all. Except there's a 5th thing. And the 5th thing is what I want to deal with next....and that is....People who are highly successful...tend to be able to quickly get into the state of mind that they would like to be in. And the way that they do that, is most of all by anchoring. So I want to explain I mean by anchoring. An anchor is something that holds a boat in place. And in NLP, an anchor is anything that holds you in a state of mind that you would like to be in...an emotional state. So for example, you listen to the radio and you hear a song on the radio that you haven't heard for years and years...and suddenly you get back the whole feeling..of what it was like when that song was 1st out. Or. anchoring doesn't always happen positively. You go to the Dentists office and you're only there to pay your account and .. and as you walk in.. you smell that smell.. and your heart starts pounding.. Thats anchoring. So, ah, anchoring is very effective...you don't have to wait for a long time, thinking gee I wonder what it was like last time I was here at the Dentists office....ah yeah I remember now and that happened and then that happened..You don't have to do that..its just an instant thing.. you immediately get the feeling back. Now visual anchors that you're very familiar with include things like your friends faces. Ideally when you see your friend you 118

should feel happy before even saying anything.. this is the idea you see. And if you haven't seen someone for a long time and you see them again..its useful for it to anchor you back into a positive state. And what happens when couples are having arguments..is they look at each other and feel angry. So they actually set up unpleasant anchors...and they need to change those. It doesn't matter what you teach them when they're doing that. So that.. anchoring is not a conscious process..it is an unconscious process. Now anchoring is absolutely necessary to any living animal..anyway. And the reason for that,.. is that you do not have time to, consciously think through stuff ah in your life. So some things need to happen automatically. So you understand that when something goes flying through the air towards your eyes...you've got to blink them shut. And that response is preprogrammed. But some responses can't be preprogrammed but they're just as essential. If you had an unpleasant food and it caused your stomach to be upset...your body needs to respond to that in such a way.. that you never do it again. Because historically if human beings wandered into a new area and ate some new plant...they really don't get too many chances. If they eat the wrong plant too many times.. then they're out of there. So your body needs to respond. So what happens sometimes, is that a person eats some perfectly harmless food.. but they get some kind of a tummy upset that came with the food....and then they feel sick when ever they eat that food again. Some of you know people who have done that right? And of course sometimes they will have in fact a convincing allergic response. And so an allergy is just an anchor. An allergy is just an anchored response. What happens is that the stimulus creates this response. So stimulus and response are jargon words and they come from psychology...Because anchoring was 1st discovered in the West in 1902 by a guy called Edwin Twitmyer in America. Now Edwin Twitmyer was a medical practitioner and so, I really don't know what he thought he was doing, but some how he found, that if he hit his patients on the knee with a hammer.. are you following this story?..this is a medical Dr...right.. He found that if he hit his patients knee with a hammer...their leg would jerk up..[demo].. like that..And he thought that was very interesting. But you know..there is no end to sadism..so the next thing that occurred to him...was, what if I swing the hammer near, the knee after that.. but don't quite hit it? This is weird right? But there you go. So the 1st time he went like.. [this demo hitting knee] and the knee jerked. So the next time he went like.. [this demo not quite hitting knee].. and the knee jerked anyway. And that really interested him. Because he realized that the knee jerk was a reflex. It was not conscious, they did not think about it. The message went from the knee up to the spinal cord and back. So how come it was happening automatically even when he didn't hit the knee? He realized that there was some kind of preprogrammed response system in a person..where once they'd had one thing happen..it would trigger the whole response. So, as they saw visually...as they saw the hammer come down again...the area in the brain that stored the memory of the hammer hitting the knee,..was suddenly activated. The whole part of their brain that stored that memory became active and the knee jerked as if it had happened. Anchoring is an absolute survival thing...and of course some times it produces problems like phobias. So ah when I was in Sarajevo for example...I'll tell you a story about this...and this is a really interesting story because it shows you that, what goes on inside human beings..has nothing to do with how serious the outside is.....It has to do what their brain makes sense of. So, I'm working with Dr.'s in Sarajevo,..I trained most of the psychiatrists there...and this was very soon after the war...and you couldn't walk outside the city anywhere cause there were land mines in the fields all around the city.. and there were people still killing each other. We traveled around in a van that had a sign on the side of it ..with a.. like a machine gun with 119

like a No Smoking symbol across it. Like don't kill us please...kind of thing. And so tanks on the streets and this kind of thing. And so the psychiatrists want me to teach them how to eliminate post traumatic stress disorder...because 90% of the population in Sarajevo's got it. For 3 years they've been getting shot at....they couldn't get out...and its like one of those shooting galleries you know....and so it was very grim. So the psychiatrists have got the same thing. So someone comes into the office and says..Can you help me Dr.? I'm having nightmares and panic attacks. And so the Dr. thinks...Yeah me too.... what do we do? Because we haven't got the money to buy the pills. And they certainly don't have the psychiatrists to do psychotherapy with 90% of the population of the city. So anyway, I offered to demonstrate this ...and they're all keen to fix themselves 1st of all. And so a guy comes up... and I figure that my demonstration will be..it will probably be about the war...you know like panic attacks about the war. But no. This guy says...I have a panic thing that happens and it started when I was 18. When he was 18 he went on his 1st date with a woman. And they met..it was all very romantic..they met in the old city of Sarajevo..which is this beautiful, beautiful place..you know old buildings and so on. And so they met there and he'd never been out with a woman before..and ah so it was kind of exciting..and ah then....As he was talking to her, right in the market center there....She said, I've got something to show you. And she reached into her blouse!!!... Well!!..I don't know what he thought she was going to take out from there? But what she actually took out,..was her pet white mouse...ok? So she reached in and took out a pet white mouse. And he was really kind of shocked!!..like it wasn't what he really expected for her to have in there. And in his shock he kind of backed off. And then he suddenly felt embarrassed...Like gasp!! I've just acted like I was frightened of a mouse.. (and he's trying to make such a good impression and he's shy and he's an 18 year old guy and).. So he's so embarrassed .. that without thinking he ran out of the market square. And then he felt...really bad!! And he thought oh, I've disgraced myself and so he never talked to this woman again. Its a very sad story. So anyway a couple of years later the war starts and he's trained as a Dr.. And guess what? When the sirens sound...everyone is supposed to run into the nearest place and get down into the cellar to keep themselves safe from the snipers..like there's snipers and they're firing shells and stuff like that. And, he can't do it. He can't run into the nearest building and go down into the cellar....because in the cellars....there are mice!! And he developed a phobia of mice. Which in the circumstances was one of the better things he could have had a phobia of. If you track through all this, you know like and his mind made at least a decent choice. Like he could have had a phobia of womens blouses. And so he's got this phobia of mice. And this phobia of mice...is greater than his fear of dying. Do you see what it means? Like he has seen human beings blown to bits around him...and he still won't move...Because this fear response..this anchored response..is more powerful than his conscious thinking. Now it sounds dramatic but any phobia is like that...any addiction is like that...conscious thinking says one thing...the anchored response gets them to do another thing. Anchoring is very, very powerful. And ah the Christian group the Salvation Army....I'll tell you this little story to explain their saying. You know the Salvation Army?...they sing songs and they bang drums and stuff...How they started doing it was they would stand outside hotels where people were out there drinking and there was prostitution and stuff like that. And their statement was. Why should the devil have all the good tunes? Do you see...So when they would be playing some tune inside and some women were dancing in scanty clothing...the Salvation Army would be outside with their music making things...playing the same tune but singing 120

Christian words to it. Do you see?..Why should the devil have all the good tunes? And its the same with anchoring.....Why should all these bad things have control of this incredibly powerful process? If these things like addictions and phobias can shift people into such powerful states of mind..Thats there for a reason....and the reason is a good reason. The reason is, so that you can get yourself instantly into the state of mind that you need for a situation. Thats why anchoring was developed by our bodies. Anyway, 2 years after .. (you remember Edwin Twitmyer right?).. he's the guy with the hammer...So he discovers it and writes it up for the American Medical Association. And they said,We don't understand what you're on about Ed. So 2 years later there's this guy in Russia, Ivan Pavlov...and Pavlov.. does this ring a bell for some of you?..slow to catch on. Ding!! I couldn't resist. So Pavlov keeps dogs..you know some people like cats.. some people like dogs. And he's got this thing where he rings a ..actually a tuning fork and he feeds his dogs. Now after he's done that for a couple of nights he rings the tuning fork and the dogs salivate, as if there's food there. So he thought this is really interesting....Same thing he recognized as Edwin Twitmyers thing. But this time the anchor is an Auditory anchor right? So the anchor that Edwin Twitmyer had was a Visual anchor.. the vision of the hammer coming down. So he realizes wow this can work Visually,..it can work Auditorally,..it could work Kinesthetically. You know someone puts there hand on your shoulder in the way that someone else has when they congratulated you...and suddenly you feel good.. (something like that).. So he wrote this up in Russia and this time the Russian Academy of Sciences was very impressed! They said Comrade, after the revolution you are going to be very, very famous. And he was. And so ah this was 1904 that they wrote this up. And so ah, it didn't really catch on in the West and this was partially because anything that caught on in Russia,.. the West didn't like. And um then the other reason too is that...its about Pavlov's experiment I suspect. Like I've had a lot of clients come to see me wanting change, but I've never actually had someone come in and say Richard, What I would really like is if you could make it that if anyone rings a bell I could dribble at the mouth? . They don't want that. But what they do say is.. I would like it so that when I stand up in front of a group of people I feel confident. And that has the same structure. I would like it so that when I eat foods with coriander in it, I feel comfortable and enjoy them. And that has the same structure.. right? Stimulus = Desired Response So you can use this process once you understand it. Now we're going to do that in 2 ways this afternoon. I'm going to get you to set 2 anchors. Stimuli that you have control of, that can get you into the state of mind you want to be in. And its only fair that I say, since I told you how anchoring developed in the West...that I say, when I'm training in China and in Japan, when I tell them these story's...they kinda laugh...because of course they've known about anchoring for 1000's of years there. So like in China and Japan and in India...they have this whole thing where someone wants to learn to relax deeply...they call it meditation.. right? So they go to a teacher, now here's what the teacher does... the teacher gets in rapport with them...so he or she breathes in time with them and.. and sits in the same position as them.. and shows them how to do this kind of internal technique to relax their mind. But basically what happens is the teacher goes into the state. This is why they always say in these traditions....You've got to have a teacher....You can't do it from the book. Cause the teacher goes into the state....and the meditation student goes in by rapport. So once their in that state of mind..very relaxed meditative state..the teacher does 3 things.. They say this position that your sitting in now and this hand position.. (the hand positions are called mudra's)..right?.. So different hand positions for different meditative states..So they say to them..this hand position..use this hand position when you want to get back into this state. So you see what it is...Its a kinesthetic anchor..when they use this same hand position... they start to go back into 121

this same state. And then they say.. Now I'm going to tell you a secret word.. (don't tell anyone else).. [demo] ing, om you know but its secret..something in another language that they don't normally use..like Sanskrit or one of these languages. So they tell them the word...and when they say that word... (of course they only hear that word when theyre in that state) So they say that word...and they go straight back into that state. And the other thing they do is they say..Here is a picture..here's a design..a very unusual design called a mandala..and its a very special mandala...and so when you see this...this is what you visualize when you go into this state. So you get whats happening here....This is a very specific creation of a Visual, Kinesthetic and Auditory anchor. Visual=Mandala Auditory=Mantra Kinesthetic=Mudra And these 3 things together.. and I'm not collecting them together.. these 3 things are collected together. And they're known to be the 3 techniques and they know its Visual, Auditory and Kinesthetic. And for the different people, one of these is going to be more powerful. And so they teach this and they call it Esoteric Buddhism and all sorts of things. But basically its the same kind of stuff I'm teaching here. But when I go over there they pay me money to tell them again. And here's why, because they.. people in Japan nowdays, they thought it was mumbo jumbo...they thought it was nonsense you know. So I say, Oh no there's science behind it...here it is, and I show them the same thing they've been doing for 1000's of years. And thats what NLP is. Got how that works? Its really simple kind of process. So we're going to use that. Now people who are able to get into the state of mind they want to get into quickly..they do this naturally..they do it without thinking. And successful organizations use anchoring naturally. And so you understand that most of advertising is anchoring..right? So what you do is get people into a state of mind that they would enjoy..show them pictures of people at a party..and then you flash some product at them thats some kind of meaningless carbonated sugar beverage or something....and it becomes anchored in their mind with having fun at parties. Do you see how crafty?.. ...its a very simple thing. And ah, so its useful for us to learn to take charge of this ourselves. Effective successful people anchor themselves into the state of mind they want to be in. They don't wait for the TV commercials. So we're going to do 2 anchors, the 1st one is going to be a relaxation anchor. Its very, very important for you to be able to relax..and..relax quickly. Most of the people I'm training do not have time to spend 20 minutes getting into a relaxed state. They want to be able to relax immediately. And by the way thats whats happening when people are good at meditation. The difference between someone who's new to meditation and someone who's not...is mostly that someone who's been doing it a bit..they're anchored into the deeper meditative state as soon as they sit down. Whereas the person who's new to, it is kind of practicing it each time. So a relaxed state is really useful. And the 2nd state I want you to be able to get into instantly....is a state thats more active and confident. So we're going to set an anchor for each of those. Does this sound interesting? So the relaxation one... I'm going to do in the whole group. Do you think you could use anchors on training? Like imagine...imagine this...imagine if you could be doing a training, and there could be a place where when you go to that place,..people would start to relax anyway...[demo by sitting in the place R has used for relaxation and stories before]...thats right...imagine that.....Cause you know, this would be quite useful wouldn't it? See and then you could have a place..like you could have a place where you could give information...so when your explaining things..that people just kind of listen...you know and they take in the information. [R goes to the place where he lectures] And then you could have a another whole place...you could have a place where you ask for questions...You 122

see how that would work? [sitting in the chair where he asks for any questions from the group]... Its just an idea. And so when you sat in this place people would start asking questions. And this works really well...it even works in places like Japan and China where traditionally people don't ask questions of their teachers. You know like the sensei the laoshi is a very important person. And so their very respectful of that person....and they don't expect them to make jokes..like I do. Come to my course in Japan and you'll get the joke free version. Well not quite..but..I can't resist some of it..you know. But the advantage of having these different anchors,..is that it gets You into a slightly different state. And you'll start to notice that...especially those people who are here...ah for the whole week. You start to notice that when I'm in different places....different things happen inside you as well. And so...relaxation....thats right.... Now, I want to remind you about relaxation [sitting in the relaxation chair]...and I'm going to ask you to do something else as you relax this time. I'm going to ask you to choose 3 things...and the 1st is a hand gesture that you can make with the hand thats free while your writing....for me thats my Left hand. And so the hand gesture, will be a gesture that you don't usually make. So you know, if you make this gesture usually or something,.. not that one....Its already anchored to other things. It could be as simple as pressing your thumb against one of the fingers that you wouldn't usually press it against...folding the thumb into the hand...ah, touching 2 of the fingers together. Just something that you don't usually do. You see how they invented all these little gestures...(this is a teaching mudra by the way)...You know the things you see the statues doing? These are all mudra's and they're all anchors for different states of mind. So they look kind of weird because they all need to be different.. .. different anchors for different states. Ah so ah, so they had to have very special meditation postures and things like that....And now you understand of course that they're praying. However you hold your hands if you pray...thats a mudra as well....thats a anchor...it gets you into the state...reverence...respect. So choose a gesture you don't usually make. This is going to be an anchor for relaxation. Choose a word that you don't usually say... that is going to mean relax....that is going to cause you to relax immediately. Now if you ah, if you like..you could choose a word from a different language if you like. Its no use using Japanese cause the only word they use for relax is relax. Maybe they didn't used to relax until the Europeans came there. You think I'm joking...[R starts trance talk].. So ah but in Chinese for example fa-song means relax. And so you could choose a word that isn't a word you'd usually use, that means relax. Pause And its going to be anchored so that when you say this word to yourself...you will relax...So choose a word like that.. [R louder].. It can be a phrase in English or another language you know..[trance talk].. Like, slow down...,as long as its OK every time you say that...for it to cause you to relax....this works..you know... Got something?..and... Got a gesture? You can let go of the gesture for now...but choose one so you know. Pause And the 3rd thing is to remember a time and a place where you've been really relaxed and comfortable and safe. Maybe a place when you were on holiday. You know just a wonderful place where you relaxed. Maybe a favorite place of yours where you go either...outside or inside that you go, when you really want to relax....and you feel like its your space... and you really relax there. And in your mind, see what you would see if you were in that place. Now I just want to be absolutely clear here, that when I tell you to imagine or see or visualize something... some people say..Ah, I don't see pictures in my head. See I'm not asking you to see pictures like real things. When people visualize,..when they see things in their head...theyre only pretending. Thats really important to know..right? Because the pictures in your head are not meant to look real like 123

the pictures outside do. If they do, they give you drugs for that...so we're not wanting that. What we're wanting is for you to imagine stuff. Its very important for you to. People get puzzled about it and they say I can't visualize and I say...How do you find your way home at night? Cause do you have the address written down? Or do you just look at the house and recognize it? Cause thats all I meant. If you can look at your house or apartment and recognize it out of all the 100's and 1000's of houses.... thats all I mean. You must have a picture thats good enough to compare them and know...oh yeah, thats mine. So what you're going to do, is remember something that you saw, in that place where you felt safe and relaxed. And it could simply be a tree or color of the wall or um just some object that was there that reminds you of that place. Got those 3 things? 1x Visual 1x Auditory 1x Kinesthetic Cool. So now,...relaxing... I said a little about relaxing yesterday. And you remember I was saying that when people relax....certain things happen inside. And I explained that as you relax..your vision (defocuses)..Your eyes get more relaxed....and your hearing (defocuses) as well. As you relax..the sound of my voice may become a little (echo-y) as well. And at the same time of course, you may notice that .. your breathing has slowed down. And one of the nice things about it..is that..as you relax.. you begin to realize that.. your attention is just here and now. And that you can't even remember the things that I was saying just 3 or.. 4 sentences ago....Notice that now That you know that now I'm talking about relaxingbut what was I saying just before? .. It's drifted away .. because when you're relaxing,.. you don't need to remember stuff.....you just need to be here .. comfortable now .. And now you can trust your unconscious mind to store all those other memories that you might need at other times. And for now just to relax and be here .. listening to the sound of my voice. And enjoying how easy it is to slow down inside. And remembering those places and times you've relaxed before .. is part of how you relax..now. And what I mean by that, is remembering times....not just times when you did a relaxation exercise,.. you know, where they say, Your toes are relaxing.. and your feet are relaxing.. and your heels are relaxing and so on. But I mean even those everyday times when you drift into a relaxed state.. and you're just kind of looking around without too much thought about it ... and that kind of relaxation is all I mean. And its interesting to notice as you enjoy your ability to do that....that its not your conscious mind that knows how to relax .. its your unconscious. Your conscious mind may have theories about how you relax.... But as you know...as you fall asleep.... there's a time when your conscious mind just wanders off thinking about other things. And if you want to.. you can give your conscious mind something to think about now. Because you don't need to think about anything unconsciously. Think about that...as you notice again...how much your breathing slows. And you can enjoy..the quietness in the room.... the fact that as you relax...your body heals itself easier....changes take place inside the brain....make it more possible for you to enjoy things....and you begin to realize that..its very enjoyable to let yourself drift off like that now...And as you relax.. even more.. thats rightI'd like you to take that hand thats free when you write .... and make that gesture that means relax....just take that hand and make the gesture thats free .. to relax. If you write with your right hand ... then your left hand is left .. to make the gesture. If you write with your left hand ... your right hand is right .. to make the gesture pause. If you write with your Left hand .. your right hand is left when you write. And you can be left with the sense that the words don't matter .. right? .. now .. Because its right to be left with a sense of enjoyment about this. As you make that gesture the subtle touch of those fingers you can feel how you start to relax even more. Your conscious mind wandering and wondering Your unconscious relaxing ... as you say that word to 124

yourself .. now .. the word that will mean .. relax .. or the phrase that means .. slow down .. enjoy relaxing now. And just appreciate how saying that inside in a slower voice causes you to relax .. now .. As you appreciate remembering that time and place where you felt safe and relaxed .. and really enjoy that place .. in your mind the things you can see .. maybe just the color of a wall or a tree .. some object that reminds you of relaxing ..now .. And feel how easy it is .. to relax .. now your conscious mind knows that your unconscious is . And your conscious has all sorts of ideas. And its not your conscious mind thats relaxing now. And you can think many things as your body relaxes .. now .. Just as you do as youre drifting off to sleep. Just as you do in the place that you usually sleep .. which reminds you of how easy it is to relax .. now .. just like this .. The gesture reminds you of relaxing. And if you say the word again to yourself .. reminds you of relaxing. And even remembering that place where you feel safe and relaxed .. reminds you of relaxing .. now .. thats right...And then gently let go of that gesture...gently let go of the word...let go of the image very gently...come back to breathing ..Come back to being here in the room..[R breaths in/out] Welcome back. So ah as you come back, what I'm going to get you to do, is to carefully stand up. Right, you do want to be a little careful about this, you know like when you wake up in the morning. So ah Pavlov of course, Pavlov he actually did go on to do a whole lot of other stuff by the way ... apart from the things about dogs. He realized that this would have other implications and some of his later experiments I think are really, really useful. And they're not so well known in the West. He actually also investigated things like ah the anchoring that happens with allergies. Now one of the things that you'll notice is that .. when you've been in a relaxed state, if you try and think back .. now .. you're not sure how much time it was .. you know? .. now .. And its a very interesting thing isn't it? .. you know .. the difference like .. huh? What happened? You know ..? I mean like, this is normal .. everything here is normal .. This is just what you do when you drift off to sleep during the day. Its just that I'm drawing your attention to it. So you can learn how to do it .. right? And ah so I'll get you to stand up ... Because, I want to do what's called a Break State. Now a Break State is a state between states .. because we're going to test the anchors that you were playing with .. right? So a Break state is where you come back to kind of a more everyday state and I want you to be a little more active. So I want to get you to stretch. So I'm going to show you a very simple Chi Kung physical exercise .. just very, very simple .. which is very useful if you're sitting down for long periods. So this exercise doesn't look very elegant .. um I'll demonstrate it and ah its very simple. You stand 1st of all with your feet ... (you might want to move out and use some space because you're going to stand with your feet reasonably wide apart) .. Now in the West when we stand with your feet apart we often put our toes pointed out. And so with this exercise .. if anything .. you want to have your toes pointing a little bit in, so your feet look parallel from the sides. Yeah, and bend your knees just a little bit. If you are used to this .. don't bend them over your toes, just a little bit. And so ah, what you're going to do then is ... gently hold your hands together up here like this .. in a gentle fist .. just soft. And ah, now I'm going to show you the rest .. in a moment you're going to.. (this is a Chi Kung exercise).. In a moment you're going to pull your arms back .. you're going to pull the chin in .. and the inelegant bit is... youre going to stick your bottom out like a duck. [demo] so its like this...so it makes a bow .. of your back so its an arched sort of bowing of the back. And its nice if it has that sort of nice clicking kind of feeling. [R makes ohhh ahhh enjoyng a stretch sound] Cats do this sort of thing naturally by the way... have you noticed this? No wonder they can leap up into the ceiling and back again. So ah yeah, so you pull 125

back like that ... And then, you're going to tilt the other way. Now relax for a moment, I'll show you something about tilting the other way. Whats important about tilting the other way is a movement made famous by a very well known American Chi Kung Practitioner .... Elvis Presley. And its this movement here [demo] right .., which he became famous for actually. And so its called a pelvic tilt. And actually if you've ever had a baby, which I must confess I haven't .. um .. then they teach you to do this. Cause its a kind of really ah good for ah your muscles, tendons and stuff. So, so, so when you come back from this ....you tilt the pelvis the other way around. So that you're going to go in like this, tilted the other way around. Got that? And now the back is tilted the other way. You can see why its good if you're sitting down. So its bent the other way .. bowed the other way. And then you breath in .. pull the chin back .. and then stretch back .. duck position .. breath out .. Elvis Presley .. breath in .. breath out. Now, relax for a moment and I'll show you the final bit of this exercise which is .... In Western exercise up until recently .... recently being since Pilate's exercises became famous... There was a lot of attention to arms and legs. And not much understanding of .... In Asia there's a lot of attention to the central areas of the body. To the abdominal muscles and the ilio psoas muscles at the back here. And these are considered to be in Chinese medicine its considered the kind of battery of energy that you get when you're born is stored where these things called the ilio psoas are. So what we're going to do is use these central muscles here to do that whole movement, instead of the arms. So when we go back, instead of pulling back with the arms .. I'm just going to relax the arms .. when I pull my chin back .. and stick out (bottom) .. the arms automatically will float back .. and when I come forward, I'm not pulling the arms forward .. I'm moving only my back bone .. its the opposite of 'let your fingers do the walking'.. I'm moving only the back bone and so the hands will come in .... so try that .. breath in .. and pull the chin back .. the arms float back .. and breath out .. and bend forward .. the arms float forward .. breath in .. breath out .. relax the arms .. cool ..and now just kind of shake the arms and legs a little bit ............... Ok now, as you come back into the room, the other thing I want you to do is .. I want you to get a little bit of an experience of what technically we call stress. So you know just have a check through .. so you're here for the weekend or maybe for the week .... Did you get everything done did you? .. So office work all sorted and tidied up? .. And ah Inland Revenue, thats all fine is it? .. Family and home thats all organized right? Kids are all happy and that sort of stuff? And its fine going to a training in the day and going home and cooking meals in the evening ..and thats all ok? So ah just think of those things and oh yeah, answered all your e-mails have you? Kept track of all those things in the last few days as you were getting ready to come here for this week/weekend? Good, so what I'm getting you to do .. is to think of some of those things that usually will get peoples hearts pounding a little bit. Ok so now we want to check that anchor. So now what I'd like you to do, is to go back to your seat pause .. and I'd like you to sit down .. [trance talk] .. and make that gesture .. that's right .. make that gesture with the hand thats free when you write .. and say that word to yourself that means relax .. and remember that place where you felt safe and relaxed .. and notice the feeling in your body .. as you go back into that state .. in just a few seconds things change very much .. you may notice a different sensation in your body .. you may notice the quietness .. you may notice your mind drifting a little .. or you may not notice at all .. but just enjoy allowing it to happen .. thats right .. very good because you don't usually notice consciously as you fall asleep .. sometimes you may remember the very moment after you fall asleep .. what it feels like to realize you've gone into that restful 126

comfortable state .. easily .. thats right .. And gently let go of the gesture .. let go of the word ... let go of the image from that memory .. And come back to being in a more central sort of state. So now one of the disadvantages of doing anchoring in a group is that its a kind of averaging experience. So you notice that some people who basically fell asleep during the anchoring process and then there's some people who are sitting there thinking 'ah yeah I'm a little relaxed' right? So what we're going to do in the next process is individually do it. So you can catch the person before they fall asleep. And we,re going to anchor something else apart from relaxation, we're going to anchor ah kinda energy and confidence. And there's another thing about when you do remember to use it by the way. Like sometimes if you remind yourself now .... there's a nice thing about when you do use it .... Sometimes people say to me 'wow it really worked in the group .. you know when I sat down again you know I could really feel I relaxed again' but then they say 'like I was nervous .. sigh .. I was worried that a lot of things were going on and then I was thinking .. sigh .. oh this is not so good .. and so I used that anchor that I used in the group and .. [demo physiology, biting nails and trying to use hand gesture anchor for relaxation] .. it didn't work as well .. it was a little better but ......... Now do you see what they're doing? .... They're doing 2 anchors. So of course they get a designer state. So a kind of middle kind of state based on the 2 of them. So if you want to use this anchor and you want to get the experience of anchoring with it .... then what I recommend you do 1st of all is .... kind of stretch and let go of anything else that might be an anchor in your body .......... And then use the anchor. You know John Gottman remember who did the research about couples, you remember all that? And what he found, he found that because he's measuring peoples pulses and brain waves while their having discussions. And what he found is that...If I the person get a pulse rate that is over 95 .... then in all the 100's and 100's of times that he studied it - that there was never a successful conclusion to an argument. So it doesn't matter what you say. .. when someone is upset enough so their pulse rate goes over 95 beats per minute ... they might as well stop. And see here's what he did, once he realized that was happening, he did a little experiment. He would see on his monitor that one of them had a pulse over 95 and of course that means that they're not going to resolve the argument. So then he would go in to the room and he would say to the couple 'look we've got a problem with our equipment and the problem is .. its not monitoring so could you just wait for a moment until we've got it fixed and then carry on with the discussion. And then he would go back to the monitors and watch .. (of course there was nothing wrong with the equipment) .. he would watch until the pulse rate came down below 95. And then he would go back into the room to the couple and he would say 'the problem with the equipment is fixed now .. so could you go back to the argument carry on with the discussion' .. And then they would sort it out. So whenever the pulse rate of one person was over 95, there was never a successful conclusion to the argument. But if he gave them time to calm down .. then they would be able to sort it out. And so of course anchoring gives you the ability to do that quicker. It just means that if you detect that you or your partner is more upset than they would need to be in order to sort this out .. then you can sort of call Time Out and take some time to calm down. Anchoring absolutely will be running a lot of things in your life ... because its a fundamental part of being an animal basically and a human therefore. It would be really good if you could choose when you get anchored. 127

And we're not adding something new here .. .. we're just learning how to get in charge of this stuff. See anchoring even works with ah .. .. they do studies with things called (Planeria) which are flat worms .. very simple life forms and ah its a bit mean what they do but none of them are killed by what they do. They put them on a metal plate and they give them a mild electric shock and flash a light and so the flat worms go Ow! Ya know like this, and they do this a couple of times and then they just flash the light .. which they normally wouldn't care about and they go Ow! Because they're anchored. So its a really really basic thing. You do not require any brain to be anchored. You know this is important to understand .. because some people say 'ah I don't think anchoring works for me' As long as you've got the intelligence of a flat worm you're fine with this alright. But if anchoring, so called isn't working .... its not because you haven't got enough brain or ability to do it .... Its because you've got too much bullshit detection. Thats all .. thats the only thing. Cause thats why Pavlov never had that problem .. Like he never had dogs coming and saying 'This just isn't working for me.' Dogs just don't have enough available brain real estate to think about that stuff you know. Creative solutions to problems come when people are able to switch of their conscious thinking. And whatever you do .. and it doesn't have to be just relaxing by the way .. its anything that distracts your conscious mind. So complex tasks um are also .. thats why when I'm doing relaxation processes I actually say often some complex things. You know all this stuff about right and left that I was saying. It entertains your conscious mind. And while your conscious mind is entertained your unconscious mind gets a chance to ...... This is how come most people fall asleep. That its not that they know relaxation processes .... they just lay in bed thinking about complex enough things so that their brain shuts off ... Well you know just like listening to the words. You know, like some times people have a voice that tells them off. Which is fine ... but sometimes they run it at full volume?! And they don't know that you're allowed to turn down the volume?! And sometimes they have that voice that tells them off in their head. Now I just want you to know that .. You do not have speaking apparatus in your head. So if you hear a voice inside your head .... you're imagining it. We're all clear about this .. right? Its all fine .. But if you can imagine it inside your head .... then you can imagine it inside your big toe .. right? Its just the same. People get this fantasy about it .. they think it really is inside their head. I say 'where's the voice?' .. they say 'inside my head of course' Thats just a fantasy. You're just imagining it there. And look .. why would you imagine it up here? Its way too close! Put it down in your big toe. If its going to say nasty things .. you don't want it up here! Put it somewhere else. Actually you're allowed to put it on the floor and walk away. I mean this is only a submodality shift ... You understand ... If you think you've got a voice in your head .. You've imagined it there. Your voice comes out of your throat. Even when you talk to yourself. If we wire up someones throat and they talk to themselves .. we can track what it is that they're saying. The favorite thing that people like John Gottman do. Here's how you can discover that thats true. Say some things to yourself .. start talking to yourself .. don't tell me what .. just say anything you know .. and as you're talking to yourself .. open your mouth and relax your jaw ... now carry on talking to yourself ... and notice how your voice changes. Its like ... [R demo's literally trying to talk with your mouth open and relaxed which is garbled and funny] Right? .. When you talk to yourself, .. it moves all this stuff. I tell you what, its really fun to be in charge of all this stuff you know. Otherwise things happen inside your body and brain and its like ....Where on earth did that come from .... you know like. Thats right, sometimes there's voices you just want to say ... Thanks for sharing. Cause its not always .... just because its a voice from your head .... doesn't mean that its smart .... you know .... you don't have to listen to it all. You 128

understand that? Some of it is just anchored responses. Like stuff that people taught you to say to yourself when you were younger .. and you just kind of accepted that .. thats the way people talk to themselves .... or to you. Yeah, so ah, here's what we're going to do .. We're going to do a resource anchor. And so this a anchor for confidence and you're going to do it in a pair. So this is actually a experience of what I would do as a coach .. when I'm guiding someone to change something using NLP. And um, So its like what we just did. Its got the same structure .. the same steps to it .. but .. you're going to do it individually. So have a look in your notes where it is .... its on pg 15. Now if I was doing this with someone ... who's new to this ... I would explain anchors to them. And usually, I'd just say .. Hey, its just like when you heard a song on the radio .. and it reminds you of the feeling you had ages ago. .. and you don't have to sort of wait and think about it .. it just whoosh comes back ... and you feel like that ... you know? Sometimes smells do this. Have you ever had this experience? Ok so what we're going to do is .... We're not just going to set an anchor this time though. We're going to use the anchor to change a connection in your brain. So we're going to use the anchor to change the way that you respond .. in a real life situation. I'll show you what I mean. So we choose, the anchor that we're going to use. We're going to use a kinesthetic anchor .... a gesture .. (not the same gesture please .. because this one is kind of energized confidence) .... and choose the anchor and then choose the situation in your life where you would like to feel confident. So ah this is not by the way .. a phobia kind of thing where you'd like to not go screaming from the room .... there are other processes I'd use for that .. right. So this is more like a situation where .. with a certain kind of person and you feel a little nervous. Or ah, in a certain situation where you feel ok .. but .. you don't feel enthusiastically confident like usual. Like sometimes when I'm working with people in business and they have this thing that they do which is essentially its called 'Cold Calling' And they're going to phone someone .... and the person has never talked to them before. And um they might call it warm or something but they have some idea that the person might have some interest in what they do .. but that .. thats all they know. NLP Practitioners do it because .. ah .. because see, .. if you're a NLP Practitioner working with clients .... then you really probably want to contact people like Doctors and let them know what you're doing. And say, 'Hey here's how I could help with what you're doing. And can I come and talk to you about it?And so sometimes I notice that Practitioners get a little uneasy with that sort of task. And this is the sort of thing you can change with an anchor. Not just that you'd need to use the anchor when you'd phone them up .... but you could change it .. now .. so that when you go to phone them up Clap .. It triggers automatically a feeling of confidence. .Sound useful? So this would be ah .. sometimes people have a certain kind of situation with their family .. you know .. when the kids do this .. then they get into an unresourceful state. They get frustrated and they don't know what to do and they start thinking .. I should know how to manage this better .. or something. Or it could just be a time .. when you feel ok but you just don't feel confident and energized and enthused about what you're doing. You know, like when you feel really enthused about something like really confident .. then most tasks are a lot easier .. they happen a lot faster. Have you ever had something where you put it off for a long time .. cause you thought uuuu its yucky .. I don't know if I can .. I don't think I'll enjoy it .... and stuff like that? And then, When you do it .. click .. swhoosh .. You go right straight through it .... And the only difference is the state of mind. You just got into the state where 'ok I'm going to do it now'. 129

So what we're going to do ... is once you've chosen the anchor,..chosen the situation like that you'd like to change.. then I ask the person to think about that situation.. (I'll demonstrate).. I ask that person to think about the situation they want to change.. and think about what it feels like now.. (now you saw me do this yesterday with the demonstration of setting a goal).... So I ask the person before we start.... Think about it now, what does it feel like? And then I say to them an interesting sentence.... I say.... So you'd know if that felt different in 10 minutes wouldn't you? Now, I want to tell you something that we're not learning yet.. but we'll learn on the Practitioner course about language and about presuppositions in language. Presuppositions means whats assumed.. (we're not learning this yet).. Presuppositions means.. whats assumed in the language.. right? Its like I say.... Is there anything else you need to know to have fun with this exercise?.. right? And if you don't say anything.... Then your brain thinks.... ok, so I'm ready to have fun. Do you get how that...? Not your conscious mind, your conscious mind can detect things like that but your unconscious doesn't have a show. So here's the presupposition in this question.... I say to this person.. So you would know if that felt different in 10 minutes right? And they go.. Yes I would. And do you hear what they've just accepted? They've accepted that in 10 minutes time they could feel different. If I said directly to them .. Do you think in 10 minutes that could change so that you feel totally different? They might say no. But I didn't say that. I said.. You'd know if it happened wouldn't you? And they go.. Yes. 100's of people, I've never had someone disagree with me. Pause Very interesting. So, when I ask them that... we're done. You know, the rest of it is just fancy words. They agree because its kind of difficult to work out what the hell I said. People like to pretend that they know whats going on you know. See you need to understand that this is not something you'd want to do with someone who didn't want to go, right? I'll tell you a story about it.... Do you know Boy Scouts? You know Boy Scouts they do a good deed each day..you know..their supposed to. Theres this story about 3 little Boy Scouts... And at the end of the day they come to the Scout Leader and the Scout Leader says, Well, you 3 little boys... what was your good deed today? Johnny, what did you do? And Johnny said, Please sir I helped an old lady across the road. And the Scout leader said, Thats the spirit Johnny, thats the sort of thing we want Boy Scouts to do.. good on you, you've done your good deed for the day. Timmy what was your good deed? And Timmy said, Please sir I helped the same little old lady across the road. So now the Scout Leader thinks well, fair enough some old ladies are not so little you know, so fair enough 2 of them helped her across the road. Thats a good deed Timmy well done. Joey what was your good deed today? And Joey says, Please sir I helped the same little old lady across the road. So now the Scout Leader is suspicious. And he says, Wait a minute here, why would it take 3 Boy Scouts to help one little old lady across the road? And Joey says, Well please sir...you see sir...she didn't want to go. Thats not a good deed . that doesn't count. And you know why? Because when you leave her over on the other side of the road....she'll go straight back. You'd better understand.. that because if you use these techniques with people and they didn't want to go....they will go back. And then they'll be annoyed. Thats not smart.. thats not good business. And that isn't really a good way to bring up your family either. So of course you can achieve all sorts of fun things with NLP. Like if you look on the Internet you'll see some really mistaken ideas about how to use this stuff. You'll see that there are people on the Internet who advertise ways for how to get people to have sex with you when they didn't want to.. using NLP.. you know. And what a 130

silly thing to do...not just for them..but for yourself. Cause thats the structure of it..So what I do is, I do the SPECIFY model 1st (goalsetting). And you see that last bit that says.. Your Resources?....thats this. So when we get to the end of setting their outcome... Then I say, Well you know.. have you ever have a time when you did get this kind of thing to happen? And as they describe it...I say just press your fingers together as you think about that now. Its pretty cool isn't it? And then I say.. Now thinking about that.. go back and think about that thing you want to achieve.. and notice how good thats going to feel. You saw me do that yesterday? Now your learning it. So here's what I do next.. I say.. Now step into a time when you felt confident.. (but I don't quite say that).. because we're going to anchor confidence. But if I say step into a time when you felt confident.. here's what they usually do.. They think of a time when they felt really scared.. but they managed to hold it together. Thats not what I meant. Well I was really nervous there but I managed to do it. Thats not what I meant by confident. What I mean by confident.. is having fun. So what I say is.. Think of a time when you were really enjoying yourself. See like, when people are really confident.. they don't call it confident.. cause its too much fun. Like some people are confident....... Like I'm confident teaching. I don't think at the beginning of the day.. gee I hope I can manage my teaching. I told you this is my hobby.. you know. Like I have trouble turning it off. Ask Julia when she comes. So this is a fun thing for me. And thats what I mean by confident. Now some people have confidence when they change a tire on a car. They know it cause they're just good at that kind of stuff. They just go.. ah yeah I can do this.. its really simple. Other people would look at it and woah!..I hope that never happens to me cause I couldn't do that. Do you get the.....? Confidence means.. its just fun to do. Some people feel confident baking a cake. I always wonder when I bake a cake.. is it going to go down in the middle?.. you know?.. I'm always having a look in the oven to see.. you know has it gone down yet?.. Why does it do that? Do you?...... no I'm just kidding. But You see the thing.. whats confident for one person may not be confident for another at all. There's people who feel confident skiing. You know what this is? This is jumping off mountains on slippery things. Do you? Now think about this for a moment.. like there's people who actually get off on this and enjoy it. And they don't even call it confident anymore. They just call it a day of fun. They go up mountains and through themselves off.. on things that are too slippery to stop. Whats going on there? So what I would recommend you do is.. Find a time when you're doing something you just enjoying doing.. and you feel confident. And I guarantee you, there'd be other people in the world who would be nervous about doing that. Even if its collecting stamps. Really I guarantee you, there will be some people who would be nervous about it.. what ever it is that you're enjoying doing. That is confidence....and that is worth using. So, then step into a time when you had that enjoyable feeling.. and feel what it feels like.. remember what you where seeing.. remember what you were hearing.. remember what it felt like in your body.. and adjust your body so that you get back that feeling even more.. adjust your body so its the way it would be. So all the wording is here.. you can just read it out from here. This is....this must be the 1st time you've done this....is that right? Oh well.. you don't need to worry at all.. you can just relax about this one.. cause this is only your 1st time. Its easy. Ok so um, You can just say .. like this is in number 3 here. There's one thing it says here, it says, Experience the state of confidence as you talk to them. And here's what it means....it means pretend. So like if you're talking to the person and you say.. [demo asking without sounding confident].. So do you remember a time when you felt confident? That doesn't work as well. Its more useful to say it and say it sounding confident yourself. [demo] Cause it just gives a 131

clue to their unconscious mind. And there's another thing you do that gives a little reassurance to their unconscious mind.. and its what you practiced already.. you sit in rapport.. you sit in a similar position. You even notice their breathing and at 1st breath in time then it'll happen by itself. You listen to their voice.. and talk to them in a similar voice. So it says step into your body in that memory seeing through your eyes.. hearing through your ears.. feeling fully that feeling that feeling of confidence.. adjust your body now so you're sitting the way you sit when you feel that confidence. 1st of all I get them to do it sitting down.. #4.. and I say, When you feel that confidence.. make that gesture. So this time I'm telling them .. Don't just go with what I'm saying.. When You Know that you can remember what that feels like.. make the gesture. And so they will actually be in charge of this anchor themselves. And um if the feeling goes away and you start thinking about something else.. then let go of course. Just make that gesture when the feeling is really good. And then in #4 it says there, So now stand up and do it standing up. Cause I want them to be able to get the feeling in both places. And you're right the initial experience may be when their standing up or sitting down or even lying down if they were feeling confident fixing a car or something. So ah we'll use the anchor in both places. So now stand up and remember again what it felt like at that time.. and when you get the feeling back.. you start getting that feeling.. yeah thats really cool.. I love that.. Make that gesture. So thats #4 So now, then we break state.. do you remember breaking state when we stood up and did the funny stretching thing? So you don't have to do it that fancy....All you do is say.. ok have a stretch or ok look out the window. Something that just takes their mind away from it. And then say... Now make that gesture again. And when you ask the person to make the gesture again, you're testing the anchor. Do you remember when I got you to sit down and I said.. find out what happens when you make that gesture. So when you test the anchor by the way ....theyre going to make that gesture.. and you'll see it.. its like poof.. you'll see as their body changes as they go back into the state.. before they do. So they might even go like this [demo puzzlement] Thats why we.... do you remember the exercise we did yesterday when you watched someone when they were thinking of something they do like and something they don't like. You'll see the difference.. between when their thinking of a time thats positive and the time where they're talking about.. ah I wish that would change. So, I'll show you this.. I'll demonstrate. So then once you've tested it.. you say.. Now using that anchor.. think of that situation that you want to change.. and notice how it feels to think about it....now. Keys to Success CD 2D So what I want is then someone who um has some situation which is not a run screaming out of the room, but it is a situation where they would like to feel more confident. And that means you get to do two, by the way, and it will be helpful if you, can tell us what it is and one of the reasons is to make sure its not a dramatic phobia and its not ideally a physical condition. Excuse me Ive, I used to give demonstrations without finding what the thing was, and, well it works but it scared me a little, like I had one demonstration where the person who. they didnt tell me and they phoned me up a week later and said that what they what they were thinking of, the situation was being depressed and they had been clinically depressed for years and they felt great all week after doing this. but I would not usually use this technique for that, I would use other things. And I, then I had someone who was having a migraine, and so I get up, the person comes up to do the demonstration and I say okay so you know think of the situation you would like to change and then I checked again, so what is it. Oh Im just starting to have a migraine in the next few days its gonna be wrecked you know and like Ive been in like such pain, and so we did the process but it was a bit 132

uncomfortable because up you know like I know its not really meant for that and actually it worked and they said oh wow you know the whole room has suddenly gone clearer and brighter again and everything feels fine and the migraine went away. I dont think it cured their migraines. I think it just fixed that one. Mostly this is for simple little things, like talking to a certain person and it is quite fun actually if you can check in afterwards you know like sometime weve had people who are nervous about talking to answer phones for instance. So if someone has a cell phone and they know they get an answer phone when it rings us and they phone my office and talk to the answer phone or something like that, they can find out what it feels like now or sometimesa couple of times Ive had someone who got nervous when they talked to their ex husband or wife, partner and they have to arrange things with the kids and felt nervous about this each time and so then they had to do it that night and they would do this process and come back the next day and tell us how different that is. Its quite interesting. Okay, so um does someone have something they would like to change the way they feel about it. Do you have is it okay to say what it is before, just so we know its not a migraine, can you say what it is?...[explanation from student]and then regret it after wards? Now can I check, if you felt more confident in that situation, so Im just quickly checking that, thats fine, Im just checking through the SPECIFY model will it will it be okay? Is it, is it ecological? You understand what I mean now, Im checking is it okay to feel confident in that situation, you know the limits of what you would do and wouldnt do and yeah, you got what Im checking? Its a SPECIFY kind of thing. Cool, yeah so you just want the change of feeling, [Person explains with Richard saying yeah a few times]Fantastic. Come on up and tell us your name again,.. Mark.. yeah. So Mark, you ah, you, when you think about that situation now you know what that hesitation thing kind of feels like, right? So youd know if that felt different, like if, imagine if, could you, you could probably get that feeling right now, when you think of that. You know, the hesitation kind of feeling. So youd know if it was different in ten minutes, right? [Marks says yeah, yeah] Got how that works?Now, so, um whats the um, if you were going to use a gesture as an anchor for feeling confident, just they way you would like to feel, what would be a gesture that you could use thats different to the one you used for, um, for relaxation. Oh yeah just like pressing your thumb against one of them, that one? Yeah, cool, okay, so if you open that up now. Okay so now what we want is um a time when you had a feeling of confidence, like heres how to check, its a time when if you could feel like that in this other situation , that would be fantastic. Now, the easiest way to find that kind of feeling is just doing something that you totally feel easy about and you love doing. What would be something that is like that? That you really enjoy and you just easily do the things. [reply]..scuba diving? Far out! Thats cool, so you know what thats like right? and you, thats a good feeling, thats kind of like a .. yeah. An amazing kind of feeling sometimes.So you remember what its like when you are actually diving in the coral and amazingly different colours and incredible fish that you see around and .And as you see those things and also theres like that watery sound around you know and theres just the feeling of what its like to be moving through the water there and inside that experience. And make that gesture as you feel that feeling and adjust your body so that its kind of, just check that, I know that you would be swimming at that time but just check what it would feel like in your body, to have that feeling. Its a pretty awesome kind of experience yeah yeah just smooth and relaxed yeah. Yeah alright. And then let 133

go of that gesture. And Ill get you to stand up, cause , who knows, you might be on a cell phone standing up or you might be sitting down when you want to use this eventually as well, So, so now once again remember what its like when youre having the experience of scuba diving. And how, thats right, how good it feels seeing those things and just the flow of it and theres kind of quietness there and just a whole world that you are in there. And when you get back that feeling of how good that is and how easily it flows make the gesture, yeah and feel what that feels like. Got that? Cool! Have a seat again. Did you know this place was here? Have you seen this place before? No? No, its kind of hidden, even if you kind of lived in Wellington, its kind of hidden away, back yeah, yeah. You know what this bit is? Its breakstate, yeah. Okay, so now what Id like you to do is, Id like you to make that gesture with that hand. And thats right, and you see? [to group] His face like starts to flush a little bit and he says, hey, yeah thats pretty smooth, yeah. Thats nice. Do you notice that? Thats nice, eh? So as you feel that, make that gesture, as you feel that, think about the stock market situation again, and notice how it feels now. Think about that. So what is that like now?[answers] right, right, so that may be about, may be about the thing that weve used for the anchor. So, so when you say not as scared, how would you describe it? How is it now when you think about it? [answers that it is better but not solved] Right, right, so, so lets check So lets choose something else too, do you, do you see why? Its like, hes got this state from the scuba diving probably coming in there a bit. But lets choose something, like lets think of something else in your life where you have that um even more than confidence almost like kind of go for it, you know like yeah this is cool. Choose something Choose something like we dont have to know what it is but you know something that you think that, could be chocolate for all I care, you know, just something when you think of it you think yeah lets thats cool, you got that. And as you remember that, what you see at that time, what you hear at that time, what that feels like, make that gesture. So its connect with that as well. Yeah, . Sorry, this is kind of fun you know. Ha ha haYeah thats nice, right? Yeah, okay so let go of the gesture, have a look outside, its sunny. Hmm, okay, make that gesture again, and now go back and think of the stock market situation notice what does it feel like nowPretty Good. So you watch and you can see that, that it looks good, its kind of, yeah, different. So whens the next time. whens the next time that you are going to be in a situation where you are likely to have that sort of opportunity? Right,,, right So how far away is that? [Mark says its December].. yeah..yeah.. okay. So, right, so think of that now imagine out there in December and youre at home and you see one of these opportunities and notice what it feels like when you imagine yourself having one of these opportunities, thats right. So watch what happens as he goes to think of it. You can see he starts to he starts to smile a little bit, the things that I was looking at before just start to happen again. Thats even more important than, you know, consciously the way you think about it. But thats a nice feeling, right? Excellent! Thanks very much. [applause] [Question: about being animated is that you, or is that part of the process.] [Answer] Its both. So its where it says, like, um, experience the state of confidence yourself as you talk to them so its a bit of that, but its also true that like Ive seen this work quite a few times, you know, so, like I know I know how its likely to work and you know, like I know how its likely to work even when the person doesnt know. thats really interesting and I can see and I especially, I must admit I especially, I start to smile when I see these little 134

changes happening on the persons face. [Question about how long anchors last] The first and important thing to say about how long you know, will it last or something like that, is think about the song on the radio. So, you know, you hear the song on the radio and it reminds you of the whole feeling starts to come back. Now, would it still work as strong five years later? Its quite possible that it would. And however it works five years later, would it still work as strong ten? Probably. 20? Probably. So, like . its um , your brain has got to work that way, you know it cant afford, like if you got in to a serious situation where you need needed to act one time, it needs for you to remember it 40 years later. I went back yeah, so it says in number 6 if the anchor is working, go on to step 7, otherwise repeat steps 3 to 6 and I just did . like it was working a little but I did it with something that kind of had more energy with it. Youre gonna be in a pair and one person is going to guide the other person through in the same way that I did here through this process you can pretty much read it from your book and you have the advantage that youve heard me describe it, youve seen it happening here and the other person that you are working with knows about anchors. So those, by the way, are things you would want to remember if you if you do it outside of here with someone else . then you would want to explain a little about what you are doing and explain about the idea that things can change really quickly as well. You know anchoring, when people get like phobias, they dont have to do it several times, you know, I mean. The guy who saw the mouse, he only had to see it once, he didnt have to come back and say could you do that again cause I dont think I freaked out well enough. So, so thats just important to notice that its a once its a one step kind of learning thing and it needed to be for our survival. So thats what were hijacking. Okay, so anything else you need to know to have fun doing this? thats right.. Okay find another human being and change something in their life. [Anchoring Practice] Q Does it help when youre anchoring going back into the memory to talk about what it smelt like and the temperature and how many people were there. A Yeah, yeah so if I really sort of build up that and get the person into the experience then theres a lot more I could get them to do as well as I could do, getting them to talk about the other sensory systems more fully and even what they were saying to themselves. Its really a question about, I think, about how to get into the state more fully. And, and what I would recommend is something called overlapping. So like if your, if visual is an easy thing for you to do, then Id start with that. Let me give you an example and this will make sense to you you know, you know what its like on a do you like beaches by the way? Theyre okay swimming and so on? so you know what its like on a beautiful sunny day at the beach. And when you when you look out and the sky is just so blue and you know its on a hot day its almost shimmering in the sky, you know how that happens? And as you see that, imagine you can also see a seagull flying over there and you can hear its cry now as it flies overhead and as you see that shimmering you feel the heat on your body and looking out across the waves there as you can see these waves coming in now you can hear the sound of the waves as they crash in and as they come closer and realise as you look down that you are standing on warm sand and as you are standing on that sand you see the wave coming closer and closer and closer and actually feel as the end of the wave runs across your toes. And so what Im doing is overlapping from one thing to another and you start to get more in to the experience instead 135

of it just being something like a postcard kind of thing, yeah. If they have an active conscious mind, listening to me isnt so easy because they keep talking to themselves about how, you know, how maybe this isnt going to happen well enough. But if I ask them to talk, then they cant talk in two voices at once usually. So if you so youll be discovering by now whether you find it easy just to get into an experience or whether you have a very active conscious mind, and if you have an active conscious mind thats neither good nor bad you know, its just they way its been working for you. And its nice to give it things to do so sometimes its useful if the person is guiding you through something to actually say the words that they are saying to yourself, to keep yourself on track with it. Do so, so that it gives your conscious mind something to do that helps. Now, there one more little piece that I want to show you, combining a couple of the things weve done today, and its relating to this question about visual, auditory and kinesthetic, in terms of which is more powerful. And to do this, Im going to get you to think about it, ah for most of you anyway in a situation which is a personal situation. But Im also going to talk about how this is important in your work situation. Cause some people are anchored more easily visually, and some people are anchored more easily kinesthetically, and some more easily auditorally. And I want to think about the feeling that you get when you know that someone appreciates you. Now you can understand how important that is in the work situation. From the research, by the way, the thing that really motivates people in the work situation much more than money is the feeling of being appreciated, valued and the relationships they have there. And that, by the way, includes in careers where traditionally sometimes people would think that the main motivation is money, The research on this has been done every year for many, many, years now. Theres been research about what motivates people to stay in a job, which is incredibly important I mean as an employer I know that if I have some I just had someone sadly move to the other end of the country so they cant work in my office any more and so Im training someone else and I know that thats gonna mean a huge input from me and its gonna be quite a while before Im getting back the same benefits from having that person working there, of course. And so, getting people to stay with you and feel enthusiastic about it is a really significant part of being an employer. So, in the research, this is true, including in fields where you think the people are really money-oriented, like sales, so in the research, specifically with sales people what keeps sales people in a job is the people and not the money and its kind of an interesting thing to know. So, um, theres a lot of misconceptions about this you know that money must be driving things and if we throw more money at them then they will stay kind of thing and it doesnt seem to work in the research. So, how does someone get the sense that theyre valued though? Well, thats an anchored kind of experience. Now its the same often as the way that they get the feeling that someone appreciates them in the home situation. How do you know that someone loves you? How do you know that someone really cares about you? Now what Im going to ask you to do, is think of a time in your life thats enjoyable to think of. You got that bit didnt you? The time thats enjoyable to think of when you knew that someone else valued you or loved you. So if loved you is a word that makes sense to you, thats cool. Like this is a cultural thing by the way as well, so in Japan I say how do you know that someone loves you and love isnt a word thats used very much in Japanese culture; its just becoming more used but people would use other things like being valued. So how do you know when someone loves you, or how do you know when someone values you. Im going to ask you to think of a time where you had that feeling, which is an internal kinesthetic feeling, right. whoa this person they 136

really do care about me. So, once youve chosen (by the way this exercise youre not going to have to tell anyone when it is, and it doesnt matter, for this exercise, whether you loved them. Do you get I mean its just you knew, wow, they really do appreciate me. I mean its nice, obviously, if you loved them.) As you think about this, Id like you to find a specific time in your memory when you felt wow this person appreciates me this person loves me. Now this is like anchoring so if its not easy for you to find a memory like that, pretend. That will work just as well. Your unconscious mind knows what does it for you, knows how it happens. So pretend. Remember a specific time when you would have got that feeling wow this person loves me. Now it might have come into your mind right away of course, and as you remember that Im going to ask you a question about it. Its a long question , it has three parts to it. So I want you to think back over what would have been the few minutes before you got that internal kinesthetic feeling, wow this person loves me or values me. And what I want to know is, in order for you to get the feeling of being loved or valued, is it absolutely necessary that you see something, the look on their face, the gift that they gave you, the thing that they had just done for you, and when you saw that you realised they do, they really care. Or, was it absolutely necessary, for you to get that feeling of being loved, was it absolutely necessary that they say something, in a certain voice, and when you heard that, you realised wow this is it, they really do care, they really do value me or love me. Or, was it absolutely necessary for you to get that internal feeling, was it absolutely necessary that they held you or touched you in some way. And when you felt that you realised that wow they really do care, this is the way someone would touch me or hold me if they care. So, now Im going to ask it again in a slightly different way. Could you have gotten that feeling if no one was saying anything, it was completely silent, and you werent touching them just by looking. Could you have got that feeling if your eyes were closed, you couldnt see them and they werent touching you. Just by listening. Could you have gotten that feeling if your eyes were closed and it was completely silent and just by the way they shook your hand, by the way they held you, the way they touched your shoulder. Got the question? So, this is the information that was missing for that couple, by the way. You know, the couple I was role-playing before. How does this other person, how does this other person get the feeling that someone loves them or values them. Now, Im going to get you to stand in a moment in a triangle, as if I tipped this triangle onto the floor, so if youre standing here [moves to one corner of imaginary triangle on the floor], then youd be saying oh its what I saw, so its like when I saw the look on their face, when I saw the gift that they gave me, when I saw what they had done, I realised wow thats, thats it. And then you got that kind of intuitive feeling. Or was it over here [stands at another corner] is where its what they said and when you heard that its like wow, thats the way they would say it if they, so that must be it. And if you are standing over here [third corner], it is the way they touched you, held you, shook your hand, put their arm around you, and when you felt that you thought wow, this, this person does really care. Now if you absolutely cant decide between the way they touched you, held you and what you saw, the look on their face and so on, then of course youre here, right, half way between these. If you absolutely cant decide between what you saw and the way that they said that, then you are here, so you could be anywhere around the edge here, you could be half way 137

between what they said and the way that they were holding you. You could be in the centre if you thought well any of those things would have worked for me, or all of them together is what does it for me. And I would encourage you to think carefully about this, cause this is the information that was missing for that couple, its really interesting information. So Ill get you to stand up and come and stand where you would be in this. So you understand that this doesnt mean that these people are kinesthetic, it means that for this specific kind of experience, this is what worked. And if I asked you another question you might be in another place. If I said think of a time when you learned something really easily, was it the diagram and when you saw it you understood it, was it the way it was described verbally and when you heard that you know it was just all clear. Was it doing something physically, when you actually moved around and did it you understood the whole process. then you might be in a different place, or was it the smell you might be in a different place so its important to know that people are not locked in one of these places. If I asked you that question some people would stay in the same place and some would move. But this ah this is probably the kind of range that we would expect from most questions in New Zealand here is that we would have um more people in the visual kinesthetic area than the auditory area. You notice that? This is quite interesting, also more than the olfactory-gustatory area. And there are there are by the way some cultures that absolutely run on olfactory gustatory. So there, for example in North Australia the aboriginal cultures in North Australia heavily depended on olfactory gustatory information and they and they do better than a machine at detecting for example poisons in food and things like that and they had to, to survive. They were living in the desert and every smell and every taste counts. And so they have developed a culture with a huge amount of words that refer to smell and taste and a huge amount of metaphorical ways of thinking about life that. In New Zealand you would get this kind of range though, I think with this question or with another question and this is really interesting to know because the thing is: who in your life needs to know where you are? Who in your life needs to know what anchors you most effectively into this kind of experience? You see sometimes people say no, but if I tell them it spoils the magic of it doesnt it? Well I think it gives them the opportunity to use this magic, thats all. And, so, do your kids even need to know this? Does your husband, your wife, your partner need to know this? Ah see, its not just in the personal situations, its in the work situation as well. Imagine Im a boss, Im where I would be, by the way, in the visual thing. Imagine Im a boss and for me, visual is what does it. You know, seeing the look on their face whatever. So I think I want my team to know appreciate them, so heres what Im going to do. Each month Im going to print a big poster and its going to be a big picture of one of them and its going to say Employee of the Month and Ill put that up on the wall. Now theyll know I appreciate them alright. Well, they will if theyre standing here, you know. But if theyre standing over here theyre going to think this stinks you know like this is not what the hell you know and theyre standing over here theyre gonna think this guys put a picture on the wall and thinks that makes up for all the times that he never told me that I was doing a good job, like, you know, whats going on here? They think you know hes never said a word to me in all the time Ive been here. And if theyre standing over here they are going to think hes never made contact, hes never bothered to come to the actual place where I am and shake my hand and you know just a pat on the shoulder and thanks for all youre doing here and, you know, just never made the contact. So it becomes really important to think that if you are in a large enough team , ah, you want to send a message in all the ways you can. If you are in a smaller team, you can find out this 138

information. You can ask people like you can simply ask them, tell me about, you know, whens a time when you knew you were appreciated, you know. cause I wanna know how to do this. You are allowed to do that. So, the other part of the questions is not just about who needs to know this about you then, its who do you need to know this about? So who do you need to know where they would be standing? And the detail of the question is in your notes there. Now think about it in a personal situation, in a personal relationship. See for the first week or so of a romantic relationship, often it is very important for people to send out this kind of information, you know, like they want the other person to know you know I appreciate you and Im going to put lots of energy into this relationship and I like you. So, of course they check Do I look alright in this, you know, will she like this, does this go with this? This kind of thing and they check Oh why did I say those words, oh thats so embarrassing and were just getting to know each other and I said that, so theyre careful about that and they think Oh she touched my hand Im never going to wash that hand again. Ah look. And they check the smell of course, Do I smell OK?, you know, theyre really careful about these things. Were not going into taste cause its a family programme you know. But they really try and send the message every way they can. And then after a couple of weeks often people think, well they got the message. It doesnt mean that they stop sending the message, it means they probably mainly send it the way it makes sense to them. And it may not be, to use the auditory metaphor, it may not be a channel that the other persons tuned in to. See, like that other couple I was role playing before was a real couple and when I just pointed this out to them, what, what weve done here both of them started crying and it was like they just suddenly it occurred to them we could both be right you know, like we just we just werent talking the same language, we just didnt know what was making it work and not work for the other person. So its really just a matter of showing them hey firstly youve shown them hey this is how it is, this is what happens and its like a different language. And you know its the same kind of thing that happens cross culturally. Its like in that famous situation where someone from Britain goes to America or someone from America goes to Britain, something like that. They think they are in the same culture and it takes them a while before they realise wow you know this just doesnt work here, its not the same culture, so you know theres the saying that America and Britain are two countries separated by a common language. You see they think they are talking the same language, just like this, but they actually have whole different meanings to everything. Yeah, so what Id like you to do as we finish off, as youve learned a lot of stuff over this weekend, and if like you took just one thing out of this weekend, and this last piece was it, it was worth your money, I really believe that, working with people, you know. What I want you to think about right now is what from this weekend do you want to make sure you remind yourself of. You may have heard of all these things before, but as you go through them again it reminds you yeah thats important stuff, you know or it maybe new, there may be several things that are new. Im gonna get you in a moment just to, ah find someone just very briefly tell someone whats one thing you want to make sure you want to remind yourself of, ah use more fully in your life or ah find out more about. What do you want to do from here with what you got this weekend. Of course if you are going to be here for the next week you are going to plunge into this in depth. So my hope is also especially for those of you who are here just for this weekend or just for the two weekends, that you have more of the flavour of the feeling of NLP, the kind of stuff 139

that its not easy to get from inside a book, and that you have a sense of NLP as this attitude of being curious about, fascinated about people and also a sense of this idea that the map is not the territory, a sense of the fact that there is no one right way of thinking about all of this stuff. And so sometimes its really important to notice that ah some things are too important to treat seriously. Do you know? So, I mean they really are. When we when we study in other cultures, Julia and I train with various cultures and weve done some training in ah with groups like the Hopi Indian people in America you know and North American Indian groups and in Peru weve studied as well and before they have large meetings, they ah they dont just get in rapport, they actually um they make sure that they are laughing and they have specialised people called clowns who ah go around and they joke with them and they make fun of the most important things in order to ensure that they are laughing before they start talking about serious things. Some things are too important to treat seriously. And so, there was Milton reading this letter from George, right. And he read the second sentence of word salad in the middle of it and he got to the end of the letter and the letters final sentence said hey doctor, theres always room for a little craziness in life, isnt there? And there is you know I mean its thats a real sign of health is to understand that you dont have to do things perfectly, and so Milton said theres a deeper meaning to this story about the horse. Its not just that this is the way you do teaching, for example, that you dont need to know where your students are going exactly, you just need to know how to keep them on the road. And thats true I mean I dont need to know exactly what you wanted out of this weekend, I just need to know how to keep you on the road. Ah but theres more to it, he said you know thats the way to respond to your unconscious mind, you see your unconscious mind is controlling your breathing rate. Its its managing so many things in your body, so many complex things and you dont need to know how its doing all that, you dont need to run all that. Thats this marvellous, extraordinary mechanism that is already prepared for you and runs by itself. And your unconscious mind processes your memories in that kind of way as well. It does so many different things. You dont need to know exactly how it does that; you just need to know how to keep it on the road. Milton Erickson used to say your clients, when you work with people, are often your clients because they are out of rapport with their unconscious mind. They are out of rapport with their unconscious mind. Thats what creates the challenges that they have and he would say so what you do with them that solves that is show them how to be in rapport with their unconscious mind, and said the word that I use for that is trance. Trance, relaxation. He said, when someone relaxes, they get back in rapport with their unconscious mind. And that is why it heals, thats why it is so important, to be in rapport with yourself. So once again I want to thank you for being here, this is my hobby and its really great to have you playing with me and um learning about these things together. Every time you those of you that teach know that every time you teach something, you kind of learn more about it, so thats very cool. And if we were doing a kind of verbal collage, you know if we were collecting together some words for ah how, you know what a collage is? Where you have lots of pictures joined together, if we were collecting together words for how this weekend was for you, whats a word or a phrase for how this weekend was? Lets just collect some. How was your weekend?... interesting, fascinating, inspiring, exhilaratingwow, Cool. So, you know that in that blue folder there is also a feedback form and if you can write some things on that, thats much appreciated. It helps us to keep improving on what were doing, 140

you also know that at the back of the room there are the certificates and for most of you this is a trial run, so you can check the certificate and check that the way Ive written the name there looks like what you would want on your certificates because you are going to get other ones later on. And if you were here just for this weekend, it was lovely to have you here and you did get the core of all of the stuff, and people, if you talk to people in a couple of weeks you will find out that this was the essence of it. So thanks again for playing. Go well.

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