Renyer 1 Kali Renyer English 101 December 1, 2013 Lauren Albin

Changes

Never in a million years did I imagine myself being a part of the statistic that stated fifty percent of marriages will end in divorce. My parents were a happy couple and even though they argued they got along in front of us and were amazing parents. They both pushed me academically and in sports and I knew I could rely on them for anything. Once day my world just fell apart. My parents told me and my sister they were getting a divorce. In the blink of an eye my world was completely flipped upside down. I instantly thought about all the things that would change in my life like having two separated parents, moving houses every couple of days, and having multiple holidays. A turn of events occurred when I realized that the divorce had driven me to do better in school so that I could get away from all the pain and the constant drama. The collected research and data collected from various sources show that children are deeply affected by divorce and it carries with the kids into the classroom. Some of these students fail and some decide to just drop out because the stress and trauma from the divorce is just too much. For me I used it as motivation and kept moving forward. I knew what I had to do to be successful in life and I was not going to let my parents decision to end a twenty year marriage affect the rest of my futures goals. Instead of allowing the divorce to cut me down I used it as a motivational piece and brought my grades up, focused on my future, and fostered new found independence.

Renyer 2 I was always a respectable student but I settled for Bs most of the time. Junior year was a very hard time for me, even before my parents got divorced, because I was applying to colleges and had to do it all on my own. I assumed, like every other kid, which my parents started a college fund for me when I was younger and I would be set to go to college without all the financial worries. Throughout the years the fund grew smaller and smaller and it was all on me to get myself to college. I started to push myself in school so that I would be able to afford college and be able to accomplish my goals and eventually become a teacher. School became a safe place for me to get away from the fighting and all the bickering and I could finally be in a calm area. Divorce causes strain on parent-child relationships. My parents began to say horrible things about one another in front of us and it was hard to feel comfortable at either place. Dr. Robert E. Emery told his clients, First of all, divorce is almost always stressful for children. Most children do not want their parents to separateFor all these reasons, most children have a hard time during the divorce transition. Parents who do a good job managing the stresses of divorce for children often are surprised by how quickly their kids make the adjustment. Emerson pointed out that the transition is the hardest part during the divorce. This transition includes the moving of the houses, the first split holidays, and seeing the parent with a new significant other. All of these are hard for children to understand and put a physical and emotional strain on themselves. I was the oldest in the house and stress was thrown onto me like a boulder on my back. I had to worry about myself and make sure my sister was doing okay. My parents were so wrapped up in the divorce they almost forgot that they had children. I used this stress as a motivation and it cleared up a rough path for me. I forgot about all the pointless things in school like who is dating who, and what is the hottest thing to wear and I focused on applying for schools and

Renyer 3 scholarships, and applying myself more to my studies so I could bring up my grades. Dr. Emerson also said, Divorce clearly increases the risk that children will suffer from psychological and behavioral problems. Troubled children are particularly likely to develop problems with anger, disobedience, and rule violations. School achievement also can suffer. They may become depressed, anxious, or become perhaps overly responsible kids who end up caring for their parents instead of getting cared for by them. I reacted completely different to the situation. Instead of lashing out in anger or being disobedient I kept my mouth shut and my ears closed to all the horrible things my parents were saying to one another. I did not become depressed, sad, or anxious because I put all my thoughts and feelings into school. I started to excel at all the subjects I was struggling in. I did not let the divorce bring me down, like it does with most children, I allowed it to let me have a new focus, which was to get out of the house as quickly and safely as I could. I was not angry at anyone for this divorce because it cleared my head of what is really important to me, and that is my future. Divorce affects many children in the classroom because when their parents split they feel their world tumble down. The stresses of which house they have to go to today and what parent has to pay for something this time eventually takes away from a students academic studies. In most cases a divorce occurs during a school year which stops any type of academic advancement during the transitional period. A student does not want to work or do well in school because they inevitably think their life is over. In an ABC news article a teacher was interviewed after a student in her classroom was going through a divorce with his parents. The teacher noticed a difference in the students academic performance and thought she say signs of attention deficit disorder. She later got the

Renyer 4 news that the boys parents were going through a divorce. The boy came to school frazzled each day and was unable to focus. The teacher did not know what to do but after researching on the topic she realized that she needed to show more love and care for the student. The boys grades began to drop and it was hard to keep his attention in class. The boy had to go through mourning and the transition period before he could focus back at school. The troubles this boy faced are normal and very typical for someone to experience after a divorce. Subjects like math are harder for students to do well in because they need more focus and the student has their mind in a completely different place. My focus strengthened as the divorce got worse. I had a positive mindset and no matter how bad the arguments got at home I improved my grades and kept my eye on the prize, college. Divorce affects children in all different ways but as studies show it affects them in a negative manner. Thirty-five percent of children need to receive counseling and psychological help within the first six months that their parents have gotten divorced. The statistic that made me the most upset during my research is that children that suffer from a divorce is more likely to have more emotional damage than a child than has recently experienced a loss within one of their parents. All of these emotional stressors that are added to a kids life make it hard for them to do well in school. They have a very hard time focusing in school because of all the other things going on at home. Most Americans idea of perfection in a household is a white picket fence, but most importantly two parents. When this idea is forever thrown away kids sometimes take it personally and throw away their own future. Dr. Emerson always stated in his book The Truth About Children and Divorce, and this is also very important, many resilient children still report painful memories and ongoing worries about divorce, their relationships with their

Renyer 5 parents, and their parents' relationship with each other. He also found that children were stating that there life would be much better if their parents were still together, they missed out on their childhood, and they miss having one of the parents together under one roof. All of these horrible things that the children have to go through based on their decision their parents made does not help the child with school and their academic success. A study that was done ten years ago came out with the results that a child exposed to divorce is twice as likely to repeat a grade and get suspended from school for a behavioral issue. These students carry all of their home problems to school and affect their academic ability. A student with a foggy head because of stress in their life is less likely to do well in school than student with a perfect home life. I was different than most students because the worse my home life got the better I did in school. I never took my problems with me because I felt as if school was my only safe place. There are several different coping methods that I discovered during my research that I used without even realizing it. The biggest method is confiding in someone you trust. The more you talk about what is really bothering you and upsetting you the most allows you to get your feelings out of your head. I had a best friend that I told everything to, the good and the bad. It helped me clear my head and when my head, which meant that I did better in school. Another popular coping method is putting all of your thoughts and feelings into something you love. I was never passionate about school until the divorce but it allowed me to put everything into something. The better feedback and good grades I got in school made me feel better about myself and later boosted my confidence. School gave me more attention than my parents did and I was ready to return the favor.

Renyer 6 Everyone believes that divorce will always negatively affect children, and in most cases that is true but I am proud to say that I beat those odds. Even though my world was flipped upside down I did not let it affect me in a bad way. I made changes in my life that helped my future. The path I took was bumpy but I allowed all the struggles and pain that occurred during the divorce to push me forward and allowed me to be that much closer to my happy ending. Divorce is now looked at as a death in a family and that is never easy on a child that is attending school. These students take the multiple fights their parents have and new found struggles in their life to school and it affects their academic life. Not only does the student suffer academically but they suffer socially. These students are going through so much that school is often thrown out the window. I was not among the norm because as my parents got deeper into the divorce my grades began to increase and I turned Cs into As. The drive to succeed and the will to be improve as I saw my parents struggle allowed me to better in school. After my parents got divorced I did not let it bring me down but I let it find me a stronger path and a new focus in life, success.

Works Cited: Clair , Jessica. "The effects of Divorce on Children and Education." Divorce Wizards. (2005): n. page. Web. 4 Dec. 2013. <http://www.divorcewizards.com/The-effects-of-Divorce-onChildren-and-Education.html>. Desai, Amy. "How could Divorce Affect my Kids." Focus On My Familt. Marriage and Relationships, 15 Nov 2008. Web. 4 Dec 2013. <http://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/divorce_and_infidelity/should_i_get_a_div orce/how_could_divorce_affect_my_kids.asp&xgt;. Emery , Roert. "How Divorce Affects Children." Truth about Children and Divorce. 1.1 (2000): n. page. Web. 4 Dec. 2013. <http://emeryondivorce.com/how_divorce_affects_children.php>. Ihrig, David. Interview by Katie Moisse. "Divorce Impacts Kid's School Performance." ABC News. 21 Jun 2011. Good Morning America, New York . Jun . Web. 4 Dec 2013. http://abcnews.go.com/Health/w_ParentingResource/divorce-impacts-kids-schoolperformance/story?id=13735021. Mann, Denise. "Divorce Affects Kid's Academics, Social Skills." WebMD. 1. (2004): 1-15. Web. 4 Dec. 2013. <http://children.webmd.com/news/20110602/divorce-affects-kidsacademic-social-skills>.