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Tavleen Kaur RHET 1311 Jessica Jacobs September 16, 2013 Transfer to UALR Hey guys, dinner is ready, I called out for my roommates as I placed the bowl full of hot steaming rice on the table. I lived with three of my friends - Barasha, Sradhhanjoli and Manas. We all came as exchange students from Assam Don Bosco University, India to UALR, US. All of us had a plan to transfer to UALR by this time. I talked to my father, Manas spokesaid., He doesnt agree on me getting transferred here, he wants me to graduate in India. I was numb. A deafening silence. Tears rolled down my cheeks. Manas was very special for us. We four shared a special bonding. We were like a family. I might have lost track of time and place, because I dont remember when I finished eating. Next thing I remember was lying on my bed, crying silently, realizing how long the nights actually were. I was recalling all the moments of this journey. Our selection, visa approval, boarding the international flight and what not. All of this time was wonderful; wonderful because we were all together. It was a painful beginning for the three of us. We were reluctant to begin our transfer process. It was so hard for us to believe that one of us is was going back.
Comment [Ma6]: Careful to keep your use of tenses consistent. Comment [Ma1]: Tavleen, It is clear you spent a great deal of time on this revision. It is much easier to follow than the last draft I read, due primarily to your cutting of extraneous details and correcting many of the grammar and punctuation issues. In your future writing, please be aware of: Putting punctuation inside the punctuation marks (standard in American English) Avoiding run-on sentences. This is actually the nujmber one grammatical mistake you make. Keep your use of tenses consistent. Try to avoid repeating the same information, or inlcuding details that are not necessary for the readers understanding of your essay. Best, Jessica 108.5/125=87% Comment [Ma2]: Run-on sentence Comment [Ma3]: Good use of short sentences to highlight your inner turmoil here. Comment [Ma4]: Good detail. Comment [Ma5]:

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On one hand, graduating from UALR was so very important for me;, on the other hand I was worried about my financial status. I had to fulfill my aspiration. It was not about dreaming big;, but it was about fulfilling it. It is an opportunity which we Indians rarely get. Somehow we gathered mental strength to face the reality and move forward. By this time, I understood that time is the healer of everything. Strange but true, life has its own way. You cannot change your destiny. Life is a roller coaster. I learned to enjoy every twirl of it. The transfer process began and we were all piled up with official works. It was a really tough time, running from department to department, international office to the transfer office. We went ahead and applied for the transcript evaluation. The outcome was very disappointing. We just got 55.5 credits transferred out of the 110 credits which we had completed back home. Are you kidding me? I exclaimed., Were screwed, . theres Theres no way we can graduate in time. A Bachelors degree was supposed to take four years. I had already done two years in India, I was on my third, and I wanted to graduate the latest by May 2014. Then began calculations, meeting with advisor, and even more calculations. The stress increasing increased day by day. I had to keep up with classes too. Going from one department to another, and meeting professors became a daily routine. Our strategy was to show them our course description from India and try to get a waiver on the courses. Things were not working out for us. It was very important for me get the waiver or otherwise I had to take 44 credits to graduate from UALR, which was directly proportional to graduation delay. At this point I decided to pack my bags and go back to India. Sraddha and Barasha tried hard to convince me that things will work out; we just needed to give some more time to it. They forcefully made me to fill in the scholarship form.
Comment [Ma9]: Run-on Comment [Ma10]: As this is repeated in the paragraph below, I would have suggested cutting this to avoid repetition. Comment [Ma7]: Because each of these points could stand alone, to avoid having a run-on sentences, you either need to separate them with a semi-colon or make them into two sentences. Comment [Ma8]: Same thing here.

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When winter comes, can the spring be far behind? Our scholarships were approved, two of the courses got waived and I was left with 39 more credits. A ray of hope touched me. I realized that giving up would not have been a good option. I was all excited to go back home and get the transfer visa, as I was on exchange visa then. We collected our I-20 from the international office before leaving, as this was the most important document to get a visa appointment. We came back for the Fall 2013 again, with a hope that things will work out well. Manas stayed back. We felt his absence. We started the entire process of meeting instructors again. I need 39 more credits, there is no way out, I told Barasha, Lets try the Composition courses, and Economics, I continued, Or the last option is Id have to take a course in winter. But you dont have scholarship for winter, she shot back, Dont even think about it. We need to get this done. She stood up from the chair and said, Lets go and meet the chair of Economics. The next morning we visited the department chair and got our course waived. Throughout the process I was always adding and subtracting my credit hours. If I was not wrong then I had 36 credits left now. At this point, I felt so relieved. Struggle for existence and survival of the fittest, I found saying it to myself. Now we were left with composition courses. We had to meet the department chair to give us the waiver. We were hopeful because we had done the composition courses back in our home university. Meeting with Dr. Jensen is scheduled for 8:00 am tomorrow, Sraddha told Barasha. Dr. Jensen is the chair of Rhetoric Department.
Comment [Ma11]: This section is much more clear and streamlined than your first draft.

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It was late at night and we hadnt woken up so early in the entire summer. I doubt Ill get any sleep tonight, said Barasha, . Sraddha and I nodded in agreement. Dr. Jensen had assured us that if we brought some writing work from India, he would look at it, and, if he thought it was up to the mark, he would waive the composition courses. The Nnext day, we were waiting for Dr. Jensen in the department of Rhetoric and Writing. The lady sitting outside, Karen Palmer, told us he would be with us shortly. Suddenly his cabin office door opened and we got the first look of the man who had the power to make us graduate in time. He did not look very friendly though. You guys can come over, he told us with a frown on his face. We exchanged worried looks, we had to get the waiver in composition I at least, because the problem was that composition I was a prerequisite for composition II which in turn was a prerequisite for technical writing, which meant that we couldnt finish all the three courses in two semester. Good Morning morning, Sir, I wished him, bowing a little in respect, entering his cabin office at the same time. Please be seated, he said. We took out our folders placed them on the table in front of us. He began, I was just going through the mail from transfer office, he continued, . They did not find any course in your transcript similar to our composition courses, I cannot help you. Speechless. How can that be,? we We told the transfer office that we had that course back in India, showed them our syllabus. We were promised that he would take a look at our writing. He did not even touch our papers.
Comment [Ma13]: Good account of what was going through your mind here. Comment [Ma12]: Course titles are capitalized

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I regained my senses quicker than the others. But, Sir, we had those courses, we. We brought you our writings I began, . Bbut he cut my sentence short and said, The transfer office said otherwise and I cannot decide against them. Sir, but it will only prolong our graduation, muttered Sraddha. And it is not like we dont know how to write at all, added Barasha pushing her folder of papers towards him, hoping he might take a look at it. But how can I say that you had the course if I have nothing to show an alternate course instead, He replied. I had a sinking feeling inside me. Trying for the last time I pleaded, Sir, would it possible for you to allow us to take composition I and II together? No, it is against state laws, came his reply. Composition II and technical writing together? I pushed. I was not ready to be disappointed this time; it was do or die for me. Ill have to talk to the department, came his reply this time again, I cannot promise you anything right now, but Ill have news for you by the end of the day. We breathed a sigh of relief. Later in the evening we received this e-mail from him stating that if we could make a grade of B or better in composition I then he would allow us to take composition II and technical writing together. He did help us after all. He had just made my graduation possible. Life goes on. At the end of the day I thought, Nobody stays with you forever, people come and go. This exciting, thrilling ride of life made me confident and hopeful. Destiny is actually what you want it to be. Hope is the fuel of this vehicle. I still remember the chronology
Formatted: Highlight Formatted: Indent: First line: 0.5"

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of all the events from Manas backing out, we the three of us wandering around, disappointment in the transcript evaluation, graduation prolonged. It was stressful, almost unbearable, but today I realize that those incidents really made me capable; capable to handle stress, to fight till the finish line.