PRO LO G UE

Tell me a story, he said. So I told him about my first morning in San Fran is o. It !as "uly, summer in the ity, foggy and old. I !as tired and #et$lagged and had yet to un%a &, but I !anted to see the famous 'alifornia oast. I too& a bus o(er the Golden Gate )ridge to San Rafael, !here I boarded a shuttle to Point Reyes. *lone, I !andered along the liffs in the free+ing fog, out to the lighthouse. I stood ga+ing at the roaring Pa ifi , a ra+y$loo&ing o ean, infinitely more dangerous and dramati than the Gulf 'oast !aters I &ne! so !ell. On a small hill abo(e a meado!, I follo!ed a %i &et fen e for se(eral hundred yards, urious !here it led. *nd then, !ithout !arning, the fen e abru%tly ended. * narro! dit h s%lit the ground in t!o, on the other side, the fen e ontinued on its !ay. * middle$aged man stood !ith a boy of about se(en. The man !as on one side of the dit h, the boy on the other. They held hands a ross the di(ide. -.e/re on to% of the San *ndreas Fault,0 the man e1%lained to the hild. -This used to be one long, straight fen e. .hen the earth2ua&e hit in 3456, it bro&e the fen e in half and mo(ed it si1teen feet.0 I imagined the earth mo(ing in one s!ift, startling motion, rearranging e(erything in an instant. )attling a sudden feeling of (ertigo, I %la ed a hand on the fen e to steady myself. .hat !as I doing here7 'alifornia might as !ell ha(e been another ountry. )a & home, !e had hurri anes and tornadoes, thunderstorms so (iolent they shoo& the house to its (ery bones. )ut this !as different.

3
12:41 p.m., June 15

The re e%tion area of the tiny hotel is eerily em%ty. On the des&, a offee mug smeared !ith red li%sti & sits beside a small tele(ision, the (olume turned u% high, blaring ne!s of the (ote. Eleanor/s mug, Eleanor/s li%sti &. Famously diffi ult Eleanor. I lea(e my rut hes behind and use the rail to %ull myself u% the stairs. *t the to%, I turn left. The first room is em%ty, the door o%en to re(eal t!o t!in beds, an old dresser, blood on the floor. I ontinue along the hall!ay. The se ond door is losed. Room 8). 9eather/s room. Early this morning, !hile I !as still slee%ing on the ou h of a radio station at the other end of the ity, my %hone began to (ibrate. It !as 9eather, te1ting: Its time. It seems li&e a life$ time ago. -9eather70 I try the &nob, but it doesn/t budge. -9eather70 I &no &. *gain, no ans!er. Finally, a s ra%ing sound, furniture mo(ing a ross the floor. The &nob turns, the door o%ens a fe! in hes, and there she is;red in the fa e, her T$shirt dren hed !ith s!eat, her eyes strangely alm. 9er ga+e ta&es in my !re &ed fa e, my filthy lothes, the hastily !ra%%ed bandage on my foot. I s2uee+e through the door!ay. On the o%%osite !all, a bureau is sho(ed against a tall !indo! that o%ens onto a bal ony. To my left, as far as %ossible from the !indo!, stands the bed, the sheets t!isted and !et. -.hen I sa! him oming to!ard the hotel,0 she tells me, -I barri aded the door. .hen he left, I barri aded the !indo!.0 She shuts the door behind me, then lo &s it. Together !e sho(e the des& ba & into %la e. -.hat ha%%ened ne1t door70 -9e had Eleanor,0 she says. -Sounded bad.0 9eather doubles o(er in %ain, moaning. I lim% to her side. She gri%s my arm so tight I an feel her fingernails through my s!eater. Se onds %ass before her fa e rela1es. She at hes her breath, lo!ers herself onto the bed. -.hat/s the differen e bet!een a %regnant !oman and a light bulb70 she as&s. -Got me.0 -<ou an uns re! a light bulb.0 I smile, ha%%y to see the 9eather I &no!. In the bathroom, I !ash my fa e and hands. I smell terrible and loo& !orse. The s&in under my arms is bleeding, rubbed ra! from the rut hes. Rummaging through 9eather/s osmeti s bag, I am grateful for the small mira le of a rubber band. I gather my hair into a %onytail, drin& old !ater from the fau et, and rinse my mouth !ith tooth%aste. I s an the bathroom for anything useful. There/s a small bar of soa%, t!o to!els hanging beside the stained tub, an em%ty !aste bin beneath the sin&. I grab the to!els and bin and hobble into the

dar&ened room. I drag a hair u% to the end of the bed and dra%e a blan&et o(er 9eather/s &nees. -*re there any o%s out there70 she as&s. -"ust one terrified &id.0 She lut hes the sheets as another ontra tion sei+es her. 9er fa e registers the %ain, but she is silent. Thirty se onds %ass before she olla%ses ba & onto the %illo!, %anting. -.here/s the =ational Guard70 she as&s. -Sa ramento and L.*., I guess.0 * foghorn !ails in the distan e;that familiar, soothing sound. -S oot do!n,0 I say. -9ere omes the fun %art.0 -.hen I said I didn/t need the bells and !histles, I didn/t 2uite %i ture it li&e this.0 She mo(es to!ard the end of the bed. -The baby/s going to be fine,0 I say, mustering my almest (oi e. I lift the blan&et to e1amine her. I/m not an ob$gyn, I/m a general internist. This is not !hat I do. Of ourse, I did it during my residen y years;a month on the maternity !ard at San Fran is o General; but I !as relie(ed beyond measure !hen my time !as o(er. "ust to the !est of us, beyond the barri aded !indo! and the em%ty %ar&ing lot, is the >eterans *dministration hos%ital. The si1$unit hotel is normally boo&ed !ith (eterans/ families, !aiting out heart surgery and organ trans%lants, but today the %la e is deserted. *ll but the most ru ial surgeries ha(e been %ost%oned, and the !hole am%us is running on a bare$bones staff. )oth of us are startled by the footste%s on the stairs. Our eyes lo &. * &no & on the door. I o%en my mouth to ans!er, but 9eather brings a finger to her li%s. The &no & again, more insistent this time. -?r. .al&er70 I re ogni+e the (oi e;Greg .atts from se urity. Relief !ashes o(er me. I sho(e the des& a!ay from the door #ust enough to let him in. *t si1ty going on forty$fi(e, Greg has the slim, athleti build of a runner. 9e loo&s me o(er 2ui &ly, grima ing. -<ou o&ay, ?r. .al&er70 -Fine.0 9e glan es at 9eather. -.hat about her70 -.e/re managing. It !ould be great if !e ould get a nurse and su%%lies.0 -=obody !ants to ross that %ar&ing lot,0 he says. -=ot after Eleanor. =ot after he shot at you.0 -You rossed the %ar&ing lot.0 Greg holds u% a ell%hone. The blue @ute light is flashing. -S%e ial deli(ery. 9e !asn/t going to shoot his o!n messenger.0 I loo& at the %hone, un om%rehending. -.hat70 -9e !ants to tal& to you.0 -Shit.0 -9e says if he an/t tal& to you, someone/s going to get hurt.0 -.here is he no!70 -9e bro&e into your offi e.0 I ta&e a sha&y breath. @y offi e. I thin& of the %hotos on the des&, the art on the !alls, the radios from Tom, the sand dollar from an afternoon on the bea h !ith Ethan. If he !anted to get inside my head, he/s done it. -*nyone else70 -)etty 'hen.0 )etty/s !or&ed I'U for t!enty$si1 years. * ni e !oman, a gifted nurse, (ery alm, four &ids and

ele(en grand&ids s%read out all o(er the ountry. E(ery year, she and her husband tra(el by R> to Florida, =e! "ersey, Ohio, and @ontana to see all of them. -)etter staff than %atients.0 Greg sha&es his head. There/s something he doesn/t !ant to tell me. -9e/s got Ra#i(.0 @y heart sin&s. T!enty$se(en years old, in his final year of residen y, Ra#i( is my hief resident and my fa(orite student. In a ou%le of months, he/s getting married. I/(e been loo&ing for!ard to the !edding. I %ress the @ute button and ta&e a dee% breath. -9ello70 -So,0 a familiar (oi e says, -I finally got your attention.0
copyright, Michelle Richmond, 2014

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