VICTIMHOOD

THE SIGNS AND THE PATHWAY OUT

The term victim here is used i the strictest de!iiti" "! it #d it ic$udes "
%e&"r#tive '" &ud(met "! # %ers" )ei( # )#d %ers" )ec#use "! it*+ This
discussi" is )#sed "$, " the criteri# "! -"r.#)$e '"r "/-"r.#)$e* i #
"%er#ti"#$ sese 0 d"es it %r"duce the resu$t -e re#$$,1 re#$$, -#t+
M#, times -he -e #re i # victim st#te -e -#t re$ie!1 s" the sh"rt term desired
resu$t -e -#t is #chieved "rm#$$, ), d"i( s"methi( th#t #chieves th#t resu$t "! re$ie!
'"r see.i( t" h#ve s"me"e e$se rescue "e ), %r"vidi( this re$ie!*+ 2ut -h#t -e re#$$,
-#t1 #s # !u$$ hum# )ei(1 is s"methi( much m"re th# th#t 0 h#%%iess1 etc+ S"1 the
desired resu$t '-h#t -e re#$$,1 re#$$, -#t i! -e !ee$ t"t#$$, !ree t" ch""se* is # hi(her
$eve$ thi( th# re$ie!+
Ch""se3 4e$ie! "r H#%%iess+
Dicti"#r,3 S"me"e "r s"methi( .i$$ed1 destr",ed1 i&ured "r "ther-ise h#rmed ), "r
su!!eri( !r"m s"me #ct1 c"diti"s1 "r circumst#ces+
Used here3 A %ers" -h" h#s ch"se t" )e the e!!ect "! "ther %e"%$e "r circumst#ces1
h"%i( t" )e rescued "r see. ve(e#ce+ S"me"e -h" see.s t" )e rescued1 see.s
#%%r"v#$1 #d5"r t" )e t#.e c#re "!+
G" t" the ed "! this d"cumet !"r # chec.$ist "! the si(s "! )ei( # victim+
SEEING THE SIGNS OF BEING A VICTIM IS THE FIRST KEY TO YOUR
BECOMING TRULY POWERFUL IN LIFE +
2, ideti!,i( -#,s -e #re )ei( # victim1 -e #re (ivi( "urse$ves the "%%"rtuit, t"
rem"ve #$$ vesti(es "! )ei( # victim1 t" " $"(er )e # %"-er$ess1 de%edet chi$d i this
-"r$d+ Whi$e -e mi(ht %r"test th#t -e #re #ctu#$$, %"-er!u$1 the si(s $e#ve " d"u)t
th#t -e #re "t )ei( !u$$, %"-er!u$+
P$e#se ."- th#t it is etire$, !e#si)$e t" shed )ei( # victim6 Ad this is the %#th t"-#rd
d"i( this3
75v#r5---5#%%s5c"versi"5tm%5scr#tch895:;:7<=<>?+d"c@ :>>A Beith G#rric.
At #, "e m"met i time1 "e is ch""si( # st#te "! mid1 # -#, "! )ei(1 #d #
)eh#vi"r+ A$th"u(h "e m#, )e$ieve th#t "eCs -#, "! )ei(1
7
etc+ is due t" # eDter#$
evet #d5"r %ers"1 th#t is never the c#se+
Thi. #)"ut it3 I! the "utside thi( -#s the c#use1 the #$$ %e"%$e -"u$d res%"d the
s#me -#,6 Thus1 i! ,"u res%"d di!!eret$, th# #,"e e$se the ,"u c# ."- the
evet is "t the c#use "! the e!!ect+
:

Oe "! the )#sic $#-s 'm"re $i.e # m#them#tic#$ eEu#ti" "r truism* is th#t !"r ever,
e!!ect there is # c#use #d !"r ever, c#use there is # e!!ect+ A ver, .e, s.i$$ i $i!e is
)ei( #)$e t" $"". #t the e!!ect t" see i! it is -h#t ,"u re#$$, -#t #d1 i! it is "t1 t" $"".
!"r #d c"rrect$, disti(uish the c#use "! it+ The "e -"u$d ch#(e the c#use t" (et #
di!!eret e!!ect+
Oe c#"t direct$, ch#(e the e!!ect+ S" m#, %e"%$e tr, t" ch#(e the s,m%t"m
'-hich is sim%$, the evidece th#t # c#use cre#ted # resu$t*1 !idi( "$, th#t th#t is #
ie!!ective str#te(,+ The symptom is the incorrect target !"r -h#t ,"u eed t" ch#(e+
F"r ist#ce1 )ei( "ver-ei(ht is # s,m%t"m1 "t # (ive1 "t # uch#(e#)$e thi( -ith
%erm#ece+ G"i( " # diet1 ), itse$!1 -i$$ "t %r"duce # sust#ied resu$t+ The c#use
m#, )e # em"ti"#$ eed t" )e c"m!"rted 0 #d em"ti"s #re %"-er!u$1 %"-er!u$1
%"-er!u$ thi(s1 -hich c#"t )e ch#(ed "r "ver%"-ered direct$, 0 !"r the, #re #
resu$t "! #"ther c#use+ I this c#se1 ,"u c"u$d s#, it -#s # resu$t "! "t h#vi( !i$$ed
"eCs em"ti"#$ t#. #deEu#te$,1 -hich c#used urest #d disc"m!"rt1 -hich i tur h#d
us see.i( re$ie! ), e#ti( !""d1 -hich (ives us # chemic#$ hit+
2ut the str"(est s"$uti" $ies #t the )#se c#use 0 the $#c. "! )ei( !i$$ed u%
em"ti"#$$,+ S" -e eed t" #ddress th#t #d s"$ve th#t+ H"-ever1 %e"%$e "!te st"%
sh"rt #t this %"it )ec#use 7* the, d"Ct ."- -h#t t" d" #d5"r :* the, !ee$ it is s" h#rd
t" d"+ It is e#sier t" (" " # diet th# t" #ddress the r""t c#use 0 )ut the s"$uti"
virtu#$$, #$-#,s $ies i $"".i( #t the r""t c#use #d the ch#(i( th#t r""t c#use666666
Wh#t is h#%%ei( is th#t ,"u h#ve ch"se # vie-%"it #d the used th#t vie-%"it t"
ch""se -h#tever is eDt+
Y"u #re #$-#,s ch""si( !r"m # vie-%"it+
7
See W#,s "! 2ei( -riteu% " the -e)site ---+the$i!em##(emet#$$i#ce+c"m '(" t" the "ver#$$
su)&ect %#(e #d the $i. i t" the #%%r"%ri#te secti"*+ G#dm#r. Educ#ti" is uiEue i th#t it #ddresses
#d te#ches -#,s "! )ei( #s # s"urce #d te#ches the s.i$$ "! ch""si( them #%%r"%ri#te$, t" serve
"ese$!+ 'See ---+G#dm#r.Educ#ti"+c"m+ T#.e the t-" )#sic tr#ii(s the, h#ve1 #t $e#st+ The O%ti"
Istitute te#ches ch""si( )e$ie!s #s the r""t c#use !"r e!!ectiveess "r ie!!ectiveess+ 2"th #re (re#t
su%%$emets !"r e#ch "ther+ G#dm#r. is #v#i$#)$e thr"u(h"ut the -"r$d #d mi$$i"s "! %e"%$e h#ve t#.e
it1 -ith %r"ve resu$ts+ O%ti" Istitute h#s m"re itesive1 "/site -"r.sh"%s1 -hich #re ver, %"-er!u$1
-ith di!!eret techiEues th# G#dm#r.+ G" t" ---+"%ti"+"r(+ It is str"($, rec"mmeded th#t ,"u
c"sider #ttedi( their -"r.sh"%s+*
:
Oe "! the )#sic $#-s 'm"re $i.e # m#them#tic#$ eEu#ti" "r truism* is th#t !"r ever, e!!ect there is #
c#use #d !"r ever, c#use there is # e!!ect+ A ver, .e, s.i$$ i $i!e is )ei( #)$e t" $"". #t the e!!ect t" see
i! it is -h#t ,"u re#$$, -#t #d1 i! it is "t1 t" $"". !"r #d c"rrect$, disti(uish the c#use "! it+ The "e
ch#(es the c#use t" (et # di!!eret e!!ect+ Oe c#"t direct$, ch#(e the e!!ect+ S" m#, %e"%$e tr, t"
ch#(e the s,m%t"m 'the evidece th#t # c#use cre#ted # resu$t 0 the s,m%t"m*1 !idi( "$, th#t it is #
:5v#r5---5#%%s5c"versi"5tm%5scr#tch895:;:7<=<>?+d"c@ :>>A Beith G#rric.
The th"u(hts !r"m -hich ,"u h#ve cre#ted the vie-%"it #re the s"urce5)e(ii( "! the
-h"$e %r"cess+ Th"se th"u(hts c"me !r"m c"c$usi"s ,"u m#de1 "!te duri( #
em"ti"#$$, thre#tei( time1 #d Euite usu#$$, #s # chi$d+ As # chi$d1 the vie-%"it -#s
c"rrect3 th#t "e is %"-er$ess #d de%edet 't" )e !ed1 c$"thed1 etc+*+ Ad ,"u !"rmed
the c"c$usi" #t # time -he ,"u h#d $itt$e $i!e eD%eriece1 ."-$ed(e #d5"r -isd"m
#d h#d "t ,et deve$"%ed r#ti"#$ th"u(ht #)i$ities+
;
Th#tCs t-" stri.es #(#ist the
v#$idit, "! th"se c"c$usi"s6
A$s"1 the %r"vider "! the im%etus #d s"me "! the d#t# !"r the decisi" is the
re%ti$i# 'd#(er si(#$i(* )r#i #d the m".e, mid 'the mid )r#i*1 )"th "!
-hich #re mech#ic#$$, ver, %"-er!u$1 !"$$"-i( sim%$e ru$es ver, e!!ective$,1 )ut #re
Euite dum) c"m%#red t" the !r"t#$ )r#iH the, #re "t c#%#)$, "! hi(her $eve$
re#s"i(+
Esseti#$$,1 m"st %e"%$e #re $ivi( their $i!e )#sed $#r(e$, " dum) #d dum)erer
rui( the sh"-1 -ith adult rationalizations dressing the conclusions up t" )e ri(ht
0 u$essI U$ess -e use the !r"t#$ $")e t" reeD#mie the dum) '%"teti#$$, h#rm!u$*
c"c$usi"s #d t" m#.e e- c"c$usi"s )#sed " (re#ter ."-$ed(e #d #)s"$ute$,
r#ti"#$ th"u(ht+
I! ,"uCve uderst""d this s" !#r1 the cert#i$, ,"u must dis#(ree -ith the #sserti" ),
m#, th#t this %s,ch"$"(ic#$ stu!! is "t ecess#r, 0 esseti#$$, setti( it u% s" th#t "e
rem#is i "eCs curret st#te "! h#vi( m#, !#$se1 err"e"us1 "!te h#rm!u$ )e$ie!s 0
"t # %rett, si(ht6666
CHOICE 2ETWEEN TWO VIEWPOINTS
T" sim%$i!, this1 ,"u #re #$-#,s ch""si( !r"m # vie-%"it "! )ei( %"-er!u$ "r #
vie-%"it "! )ei( # victim '-hich is #ctu#$$, # %"siti" "! )ei( "/%"-er!u$ "r
%"-er$ess1 much $i.e # chi$d*+ It must #$-#,s )e "e "r the "ther1 #s the, d" "t c"eDist
i the s#me m"met1 eve i! ,"ur mid is de)#ti( #)"ut it+
As is t#u(ht i virtu#$$, #$$ "! the he#$th, disci%$ies "! $e#ri( $i!e1 ,"u h#ve the %"-er
"! ch"ice and ,"u c# cre#te #,thi( ,"u -#t i the m"met+ O the !#ce "! it1 the
$#tter st#temet -"u$d #%%e#r t" )e # ridicu$"us st#temet1 #d it -"u$d )e i! it me#t ,"u
c"u$d cre#te # mi$$i"s "! d"$$#rs "r # s%"rts c#r ist#t$, 0 )ut it is etire$, true -he it
is #%%$ied t" the ch"ice ,"u m#.e #)"ut ,"ur st#te "! )ei(+
A$th"u(h i # se%#r#te -rite/u%
=
1 )#sic#$$, it t#.es time t" d" s"methi( #d t" (et t"
the %"it "! h#vi( s"methi(1 )ut the ch"ice "! )ei( is virtu#$$, ist#t '"r #t $e#st
ver, r#%id$, m#de*+ There #re $"ts "! su((esti"s i the -"r$d #)"ut -h#t t" d" #d h"-
t" d" it #d $"ts #)"ut stu!! -e -#t1 )ut !e- str#te(ies #d te#chi(s th#t h#ve us !"cus
;
See Erics"i# the"ries "! chi$d deve$"%met1 -here the %r"cess "! $"(ic '#t # decet $eve$* "$, st#rts t"
eDist i the chi$dCs mid #t #)"ut #(e A t" J+
=
See Success secti" "! ---+the$i!em##(emet#$$i#ce+c"m +
;5v#r5---5#%%s5c"versi"5tm%5scr#tch895:;:7<=<>?+d"c@ :>>A Beith G#rric.
" the thi( -e actually want1 'the ver, )#se "! -h#t is esseti#$ t" $ivi(*3 cre#ti( #d
h#ve # %"sitive st#te "! )ei( '-hich !ee$s (""d #d is %r"ductive*+ This is "t
s"me Ke 2uddhist c"ce%t "r #,thi( m,steri"us1 it is #ctu#$$, icredi)$, %r#ctic#$ #d
us#)$e #d i !#ct it is the center o !ein" #o$er%& 'n( cre'tin" $h't )o% $'nt in the
$or&(* It is "t the "$, thi(1 )ut it is the esseti#$ st#rti( vie-%"it+
SO1 WHY DO WE DO THINGSL
Wh, d" ,"u d" s"methi(L
I "rder t" (et s"methi(+
Wh, d" ,"u -#t t" (et s"methi(L
S" ,"uC$$ )e h#%%, "r !u$!i$$ed #d5"r s#tis!ied '"r #v"id the "%%"site*+
Fu, thi( 0 the $#tter ("#$s #re #$$ st#tes "! )ei(6666
SO1 WHAT IS GOING ON WHEN 2EING A VICTIML
N"-1 i! ,"u #re # victim ,"u h#ve s"me .id "! resist#ce "r !e#r rui( the sh"-1 s"
#$$ ,"ur d"i( h#s !ricti"1 much $i.e tr,i( t" %ush # he#v, r"u(h ")&ect "ver # r"u(h
sur!#ce 0 it is much h#rder #d it t#.es much m"re e!!"rt th# rui( it "ver # sm""th
sur!#ce -ith"ut #$$ the )um%s "r r"u(hess i it+ The )um%s "r r"u(hess #re mere$, !e#r
c"c$usi"s #d the resu$ti( $imit#ti"s th#t c"rres%"di($, "ccur+
Fe#r is # st#te "! )ei( "e c# ch""se+ Or1 i! "e #ssumes "e c#"t ch""se !e#r itse$!1
the -h#t "e the c# ch""se #re the th"u(hts #d %erce%ti"s th#t "e h#s th#t #re
c#usi( the !e#r+
ESSENTIAGGY A STATE OF 2EING IS A VIEWPOINT
S"1 th#t $"( itr"ducti" -#s d"e t" set the st#(e !"r the victim discussi"+
There #re #$-#,s si(s '#ctu#$$, resu$ts* th#t (ive us i!"rm#ti" " -hether -e eed
t" c"rrect c"urse+
O!te ,"uCre "t #-#re "! ,"ur thi.i( "r ,"u thi. ICm ".1 &ust d"i( -h#t is
"rm#$ !"r hum# )ei(s #d -e #$$ h#ve hum# !#i$i(s+ H"-ever1 th#t is ic"rrect
thi.i(1 %reseti( # eDcuse !"r "t de#$i( %"-er!u$$, -ith -h#t -e eed t"+
=5v#r5---5#%%s5c"versi"5tm%5scr#tch895:;:7<=<>?+d"c@ :>>A Beith G#rric.
Wh#t -e eed t" d" is sim%$, t" $"". #d see c$e#r$, the s,m%t"m1 #d the )e$ieve
th#t the s,m%t"m is udesir#)$e #d t" the re$, " the !#ct th#t there is # c#use th#t is
d,s!ucti"#$ #d eeds t" )e ch#(ed i "rder t" %r"duce # desir#)$e resu$t+
The "e e(#(es i the %r"cess "! (etti( -h#t "e -#ts1 st#rti( -ith # c"sci"us
ch"ice "! "eCs -#, "! )ei(+
THE MODEG OF THE P4OCESS OF GIFE
2rie!$,1 this is # m"de$ "! the %r"cess "! $i!e3

A STATE ACTIONS STUFF
2ei( M D"i( M H#vi(
Ch"se1 !r"m # -#, "!
thi.i( #d uder$,i(
c"c$usi"s #)"ut $i!e
Which #re ch"se t"
m#i!est 'cre#te*
s"methi( -e -#t+
The thi( -e thi. -i$$
)ee!it us1 such #s e#ti(1
she$ter1 #d # (""d
!ee$i( "! s"me s"rt+
M#, %e"%$e h#ve this either )#c.-#rds "r "t i its !u$$ "rder+
The, thi. i! the, h#ve res%ect !r"m "thers1 the the, -i$$ d" -h#t is ri(ht #d the
the,C$$ !ee$ ri(ht+ Or i! the, -i the $"tter, the the,C$$ )e h#%%, '-hich h#s )ee %r"ve
#)s"$ute$, "t t" )e true )e,"d #)"ut # ,e#r1 #t -hich time -e -i$$ h#ve retured t" "ur
"rm#$ $eve$ "! )ei( h#%%, "r "t+ A ##$"(, "! this %r"cess is s#,i( t" # st"ve1 (ive
me -#rmth #d the IC$$ (ive ,"u -""d t" )urH esseti#$$,1 th#t is the eEuiv#$et "! (ive
me $"ve #d res%ect #d the IC$$ )e $"vi( t" ,"u 'the "ther %ers" is #ssumed t" )e the
c#use "! the -h"$e %r"cess1 -hich is "t the c#se6*+
Esseti#$$,1 %e"%$e h#ve it this -#,3
7
st
H#ve the D" the 2e 'h#%%,1 etc+*+
9
The sh"rtcut1 "! c"urse1 is t" sim%$, ch""se t" )e h#%%, re(#rd$ess "! the circumst#ces+
This is # v#$id1 #cEuir#)$e ch"ice+
?
IS THE COST TOO G4EAT COMPA4ED TO THE PAYOFFL
Ever,thi( -e d" h#s # %#,"!! #d # c"st+
9
See the se%#r#te discussi"s " ---+the$i!em##(emet#$$i#ce+c"m+
?
Such #s is su((ested i the )est se$$i( )"".3 H#%%iess Is A Ch"ice1 2#rr, Nei$ B#u!m#+
95v#r5---5#%%s5c"versi"5tm%5scr#tch895:;:7<=<>?+d"c@ :>>A Beith G#rric.
We m#, dri. # $"t #d the %#,"!! mi(ht )e immedi#te re$ie! !r"m !ee$i( stressed1 )ut
the c"st is #ccumu$#ti( )r#i d#m#(e1 um)i( "! the em"ti"s #d the #)i$it, !"r
%$e#sure1 $"ss "! %ers"#$ #-#reess t" $ive $i!e )etter1 etc+ 2#sic#$$,1 the decisi"
%r"cess i $i!e th#t is m"st e!!ective is 7* t" ev#$u#te the %#,"!! #d c"st1 :* decide i! the
c"st is t"" (re#t1 ;* the ch""se s"methi( th#t -e thi. -"u$d h#ve # )i((er #d )etter
%#,"!! '$i.e h#%%iess1 # )etter re$#ti"shi%1 (re#ter he#$th1 etc+*1 =* ev#$u#te the c"st "!
th#t re$#tive t" the %#,"!!1 #d the 9* ch""se th#t %#,"!!+
THEN1 HOW DO I GET THE 2ETTE4 PAYOFFL
NeDt1 "e ch""ses h"- t" (et th#t resu$t+ The !irst ste% i th#t %r"cess1 I -"u$d su((est1
is #s.i( "ese$! -h#t is the st#te "! )ei( I c"u$d )e i th#t -"u$d m"st %"-er!u$$, #d
m"st $i.e$, he$% cre#te the resu$tL F"r ist#ce1 I c"u$d ch""se such st#tes "! )ei( #s
)ei( %"-er!u$1 )ei( cetered1 )ei( h"est "r #uthetic1 etc+1 -h#tever is
me#i(!u$ t" ,"u*+ The "e -"u$d s#, i! I #m )ei( th#t1 -h#t #cti"s -"u$d I
ch""se1 $ist them1 the set # %$# i! eeded1 #d d" them+
2ut "te th#t the st#te "! )ei( is the )#sis 'the )#se* !"r the -h"$e %r"cess+
N"-1 the eDt %r")$em th#t c"mes u% is h"- c# I m"re e!!ective$, #chieve th#t st#te
"! )ei(L M"st %e"%$e st"% ri(ht there1 i )e!udd$emet #)"ut -h#t t" d" eDt+
H"-ever1 it is sti$$ %"-er!u$ t" im#(ie # st#te "! )ei( ,"u could )e i #d the t"
im#(ie -h#t ,"u -"u$d d"+
The m"st e!!ective str#te(,1 -hich is -e$$ -"rth the e!!"rt1 is t" (et rid "! #$$ the )#rriers
t" ch""si( # st#te "! )ei( 0 (et rid "! the !ricti" i the %r"cess "! (etti( -h#t ,"u
re#$$, -#t+
Ad1 "! c"urse1 it is # (re#t ide# t" !irst ideti!, -h#t ,"u really -#t 1 )e,"d sh"rt term
re$ie! #$$ the -#, u% t" the hi(hest #ctu#$ -#ts ,"u h#ve 't" !ee$ # cert#i -#, "r -#,s*+
It is "!te vit#$ th#t ,"u (et he$% -ith this ste% "! the %r"cess #$s"+
THE ACTUAG COMPGETE P4OCESS
The %r"cess is3
7* See -h#t "ccurred1 te$$i( the truth #)"ut it
:* Ev#$u#te the %#,"!! #d c"st
;* G"". #t the st#te "! )ei( ,"u -ere i -he ,"u cre#ted the udesir#)$e resu$t 'e+(+
#Di"us1 sc#red1 stressed1 etc+*
=* Decide -h#t ,"u re#$$,1 re#$$, -#t '%r")#)$, -ith he$%*
9* Ch""se # st#te "! )ei( th#t ,"u )e$ieve -"u$d serve ,"u -e$$ t" (et the desired resu$t
9A* At ,"ur "%ti"3 Determie -h#t th"u(hts #d c"c$usi"s #)"ut $i!e #re i the
-#, #d re/!"rm5c"rrect them s" th#t ,"u c# m"re e#si$, #d !ree$, ch""se #
?5v#r5---5#%%s5c"versi"5tm%5scr#tch895:;:7<=<>?+d"c@ :>>A Beith G#rric.
st#te "! )ei(+*
A
?* Im#(ie -h#t # %ers" i th#t st#te "! )ei( ',"u1 !"r the m"met* -"u$d ch""se t" d"+
A* D" it+
<* T#.e !eed)#c. #d c"rrect the c"urse+
<

There #re " (u#r#teed resu$ts1 )ut the "dds (" -#, u% i! ,"u d" -h#t is ri(ht+
F"$$"- this %#th+
8888888888888888888888888
See " the !"$$"-i( %#(e3 The Si(s O! Victimh""d
A
O!tetimes1 -e #re i t"" much "! # hurr, "r &ust d"Ct h#ve the time t" d" this i #, "e circumst#ce1 s"
-e h#ve t" s.i% this #d )e #s e!!ective #s -e c# )e+ 2ut the re#$ s"urce "! %"-er '-h#t #ctu#$$, !rees u%
,"ur %"-er* is d"i( the -"r. ecess#r, t" re/!"rm5c"rrect err"e"us thi.i(+ Ievit#)$,1 -e must set
#side # se%#r#te time t" #ddress th"se1 s" th#t -he -e ec"uter udesir#)$e resu$ts1 -e #re !reer the t"
se$ect # -#, "! )ei( th#t is m"re e!!ective+ This re/!"rmi(5c"rrecti( is the )#sis !"r h#vi( # -h"$e
e- h#%%, $i!e+ D"Ct s.i% it1 %$e#se666 Yes1 I ."- it t#.es s"me e!!"rt1 )ut it h#s the hi(hest #m"ut "!
%#,"!! re$#tive t" e!!"rt "! #, #ctivit, ,"u c"u$d d" 0 -ith"ut it ,"u h#ve " ch#ce "! $ivi( the "%tim#$$,
h#%%,1 !u$!i$$ed1 s#tis!ied $i!e th#t ,"u $"ve+
<
4e#d the -rite u% " 2re#.d"-s #d h"- the, d"Ct h#ve t" )e #,thi( th#t is #t #$$ tr#um#tic "r
e(#tive1 uder Gi!e M##(emet " ---+the$i!em##(emet#$$i#ce+c"m +
A5v#r5---5#%%s5c"versi"5tm%5scr#tch895:;:7<=<>?+d"c@ :>>A Beith G#rric.
THE SIGNS OF 2EING A VICTIM
2EING AWA4E OF THESE AS PA4T OF THE PATHWAY TO 2EING POWE4FUG

Chec. "!! -hich ,"u d" #d the immedi#te$, %ri"ritiNe the res"$uti"
J
i ,"ur $i!e+
S"me "! the m#&"r items h#ve s"me eD#m%$es "r su)c#te("ries+ Where the su)c#te("r,
th#t #%%$ies t" ,"u is "t $isted1 either #dd it '%re!er#)$,* "r &ust chec. the "ver#$$
c#te("r,3
Addicti"s
7>
's"methi( ,"u !ee$ im%e$$ed t" d" t" re$ieve # e(#tive !ee$i(*
Sm".i(
Dri.i( '#t #$m"st #, $eve$1 #s this is # %""r -#, t" c"tr"$ the %r")$em1 -hich
is # !"rm "! #Diet, "r disc"m!"rt*
77
Over-ei(ht1 "vere#ti(
Dru(s
TV1 )e,"d "e h"ur # d#, 'mid um)i(1 mi$d de%ressive st#te*
I#%%r"%ri#te seDu#$ #ctivit,
U#)$e t" eD%ress em"ti"s i # use!u$ -#,+
A(er
Frustr#ti"
Fe#r
O("i( %r")$ems1 re%e#ted 'O u#)$e t" s"$ve "("i( %r")$ems*
Estr#(emet #d5"r "ther re$#ti"shi% %r")$ems c#usi( ,"u c"cer 'se$!/c#used1
eDce%t i eDtreme c#ses -here it is )etter t" eDit*
Ucert#it, "r $#c. "! c"!idece+
Needi( # v"te t" see i! ,"uCre ". 'i+e+ s"me"e t" #%%r"ve "! ,"u*+
Fe#r "! the c"seEueces
Usi( "eCs str"( suits #d "t deve$"%i( "r cre#ti( #)i$ities th#t -he !irst
used mi(ht "t succeed+
W"rr,i(5#Diet,5!e#r
7:
Se$! h#rmi(
P#ssive #((ressive )eh#vi"r '"thers #re -r"( "r u&ust1 s" IC$$ resist "r s#)"t#(e*
2#d h#)its -ith )#d resu$ts
Fee$i( %"-er$ess
Pr"cr#sti#ti(
N"t t#.i( res%"si)i$it, !"r ,"ur $i!e
2ei( de%edet "r %#ssive #d h"%i( !"r rescue
Gi!e "t rui( sm""th$,
J
Y"u #re ver,1 ver, $i.e$, t" )e much m"re c#%#)$e "! d"i( these ), usi( the %r"%er res"urces+ Oe
s%eci!ic "e1 d"e i # uiEue -#,1 )ui$ds ,"u u% #d re/tr#is ,"u i such # -#, th#t ,"ur ch"ices -i$$
)e much )etter3 ---+t""$st"$i!e+c"m +
7>
Here1 ,"u re#$$, #re se$$i( ,"ur s"u$ t" the devi$ "r #t $e#st ,"ur $i!e 's"me ,e#rs $"st* #d the Eu#$it, "!
,"ur $i!e eD%eriece+
77
See Pe#ce "! Mid secti" uder Ps,ch"$"(, " ---+the$i!em##(emet#$$i#ce+c"m +
7:
See %#rticu$#r$, Thre#ts Ad Fe#r1 uder the Ps,ch secti" " ---+the$i!em##(emet#$$i#ce+c"m+
<5v#r5---5#%%s5c"versi"5tm%5scr#tch895:;:7<=<>?+d"c@ :>>A Beith G#rric.
The iteti" here is "t t" m#.e #,"e -r"( !"r &ust d"i( -h#t the, curret$,
."-1 )ut t" icre#se the #-#reess th#t there is # %r")$em th#t eeds t" )e de#$t -ith
ri(ht "-1 "t $#ter1 "t t" )e &ust t"$er#ted1 "t t" )e #$$"-ed t" r") "ese$! "! the Eu#$it,
"! $i!e "e is c#%#)$e "!+ I! ,"u #re d"i( #, "! these thi(s1 ,"u #re se$$i( ,"ur s"u$
t" the devi$1 i+e+ (ivi( u% h#%%iess !"r sh"rt term re$ie! 0 too "re't ' #rice to #')+
I im%$"re ,"u t" " $"(er t"$er#te these i ,"ur $i!e+
J5v#r5---5#%%s5c"versi"5tm%5scr#tch895:;:7<=<>?+d"c@ :>>A Beith G#rric.