University of Colorado

Colorado Springs
Robert Painter
My Mother's Stigma
Introduction to Social Psychology
Kate Lane
!"#"$!!%
My Mother's Stigma
&'o you feel embarrassed (hen (e are in public
together)& she in*uired+ I responded by stating that I (as
not embarrassed+ I gre( up (ith my mom being disabled for
most of my life+ She has a condition called RS' (hich is
pain related and impedes her ability to (al,- tal, loudly-
and use her hands+ .his leaves her to depend on her
(heelchair to move around the house+ It (as essential that
I be helpful as a child+ .here (ere helpers throughout my
childhood- ho(ever- they did not live (ith us+ Since I am
a(ay at college it is my little brother and step/dad (ho
help her although she is far more self/sufficient than she
(as during my childhood+
0s I (as (al,ing beside my mom- (ho (as in her electric
(heelchair on our (ay to a high school play1 she as,ed &'o
you feel embarrassed (hen (e are in public together)&+ I
replied by saying that I am not embarrassed at all- for a
fe( reasons+ 0 (heelchair- (hile blatant- is a sign of
physical (ea,ness and is indicative of nothing about the
intellect or personability of the handicapped+ 0lso- I have
an idea (hat normals thin, about my mom+ 0nyone being in a
(heelchair causes normals to feel uneasy- since it is an
abnormality they are not e2perienced dealing (ith+ 3o(ever-
there is not usually a reason for them to pass 4udgment (ith
regards to her personality or intellect+ Since I ,no( (hat
people thin,- and I ,no( *uite a bit about the condition- it
is easier to ans(er (hatever *uestions they may have+
0lthough I am not humiliated (hen in public (ith my mom- she
is still discredited (hen meeting people because of her
(heelchair as a stigma symbol+
3er condition can be considered a stigma because it has
potential to discredit her deeply 56offman-
%78- p+89+ :ecause it is so obtrusive- the (heelchair as a
stigma symbol immediately alters the normals' opinions
56offman- %78- p+;<9+ .he obtrusiveness of this stigma
ma,es it a(,(ard to meet ne( people+ 3er soft voice and
inability to sha,e hands can cause people to feel disli,ed
even though she does her best to seem friendly and combat
peoples' inhibitions+ .here are a lot of negative
connotations paired (ith the (heelchair+ :efore
conversation starts- people often assume that the
handicapped may have some sort of mental retardation+ .he
(heelchair signifies that this person (ill re*uire e2tra
help+ =ne of the problems (ith that is that it may seem
li,e the disabled person is bossy+ .he stigma symbol
indicates that this person (ill not be able to do a lot of
the fun social activities that people often rely on or
partially rely on for bonding in a relationship+
>hen my mom first became (heelchair bound $! years ago+
It (as especially difficult because of the learning process+
.he learning process ma,es ac*uiring a stigma especially
difficult because she already ,ne( (hat people thought of
her because she had been thin,ing of the handicapped li,e
that all her life 56offman- %78- p+8;9+ =n top of dealing
(ith her ne( limitations she then felt embarrassed every
time she (ent out in public because people (ould stare at
her (hile she ,ne( (hat they (ere thin,ing+
.he conflict bet(een virtual and actual identity is an
important factor (hen analy?ing this situation+ My mom
as,ing (hether I (as embarrassed (hen I am in public (ith
her can be rephrased to include these terms as so &'oes the
conflict bet(een my virtual identity and actual identity
cause you to feel embarrassed (hen you are (ith me in social
situations)&+ .he stigma is created by the conflict bet(een
virtual and actual identity 56offman- %78- p+$9+
6offman (rote 5%789&0 very (idely employed strategy of
the discreditable person is to handle his ris,s by dividing
the (orld into a large group to (hom he tells nothing- and a
small group to (hom he tells all and upon (hose help he
relies& 5P+ %@9+ .his can be applied to the in group"out
group clause- the in group being the small group and the out
group being the rest of the (orld 56offman- %78- p+;9+
In my mother's case the in group is considered to be other
people (ho are handicapped as (ell as the (ise (ho consist
of most of our family and almost all doctors or any
professionals cogni?ant of the difficulties e2perienced by
the handicapped+
Using 6offman's terms to analy?e my mother's situation
has brought me a ne(- more concrete understanding of the
specific aspects of her life+ .his understanding has brought
a ne( light on (hy people behave the (ay the do (hen dealing
(ith my mom+ I no( have a better appreciation of the
difficulties my mom initially (ent through (hen she became
disabled+ I can no( fully ac,no(ledge the many aspects of
living (ith a very obtrusive stigma+
References
6offman- A+ 5%789+ Stigma: Notes on the Management of
Spoiled Identity. New York: Simon & Schuster.