Dayna Titus

When I was visiting Israel with my dad and 15 year old daughter last April to visit friends and
sight-see for 10 days, I never imagined I would be returning again so soon. But within a couple
of weeks of that trip, a war broke out. Nothing could describe the helpless feeling in my
stomach watching the news, reading the news, talking about the news. In passing, I mentioned
to my dad maybe we should go back. He replied no, wed just be in the way.

Besides, I was busy going about a California summer all three kids together for boating trips
on Lake Tahoe, lots of time at the pool, lunches with friends in the city, even some time in
Southern California at my favorite resort. And we had even more plans. Lots of plans. In the
interim, I downloaded the Red Alert app, and it was going off all.the.time. It would go off while I
was at the supermarket, restaurants, shopping malls: alarming myself and no one around me.
People moved about their business, seemingly oblivious to anything being amiss.
I cant speak for all Jews, but for myself an American secular Jew who was taught to love,
support and not take Israel for granted- the escalation of the war and move into Gaza was
heart-wrenching to watch. When several IDF were killed and wounded including lone soldiers
from my own state, it was a feeling of despair like no other. My dad went to Israel for the first
time as a teenager, soon after Israel became a state. He eventually became a major donor to
the Jewish National Fund and supports many JNF projects in Israel including the Sderot Indoor
Playground, Aleh-Negev, and the Alexander Muss High School. And after my first trip to Israel, I
invested in this amazing country myself by becoming a Sapphire Society member with JNF,
and now I sit on my regional board. Its not just my money that is in Israel its my heart.
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And my heart nearly stopped in mid-July with a Facebook posting. JNF CEO and (good friend)
Russell Robinson posted a brief link offering a Solidarity Mission to major donors. This would
mean drop everything, fly to Israel, see, hear, and help! I quickly dialed my dad and he said Im
in if youre in. Nevermind that the airlines had already begun suspending service to Israel, we
were going (they later cleared the flights a mere 24 hours before we took off).
The comments about my going to Israel at that time were expected. They ranged from well
do you think its safe? to do you have a death wish? My own husband didnt believe I would
actually get on the plane; the morning I left, he said youre really doing this? What happens if
you dont come back? I didnt know what to say, how could I guarantee I would be back. I
didnt know what I was getting into exactly so how could I provide any assurance.
Yet all of Israel was dealing with Hamas and its missiles. The Solidarity Mission consisted of
about 20 people, and we all talked openly on our first day about how others reacted to the
timing of our trip. In the end, it didnt matter, we all had to be there. The notion that my Israeli
brothers and sisters are living with this risk every day, and somehow I was too good for that,
was just a crazy notion in my mind.
Over the course of that week, we spent much time in the south, the part of Israel that has been
most affected. Beersheba, Haluza, Ofakim, Shlomit, etc. Many of the residents of these
wonderful start-up communities have no shelters or too few shelters. One day we volunteered
in a daycare center in the south, making packages for soldiers and painting the day care
building, and in the time we were there we had three missile attacks. Being a mom myself, I
cried every time I heard the preschool-aged children scream as we pushed them quickly into
the shelter. The first time I had to run into a shelter myself was in the middle of the night (with
soap in my hair no less, having been in the shower), and I will never forget what went thru my
mind: someone is trying to kill me! That is a very heavy realization when you know that
someone or something wants to kill you.
Since Ive been back in the U.S. this past month, Ive been busying myself getting my kids ready
for school, visiting with family, taking advantage of the last few days of summer. Having an
easy, mostly carefree life, while knowing that my friends in Israel (especially in the south) dont
have that right now. And its hard. The guilt weighs on me, but all I can do now is text my
friends and give them support, let them know I am thinking of them every single day, and
continuing to ask what I can do to help.
My Red Alert app still sounds often. And still, no one around me has ever once looked up.
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