FADE IN:

GLAMOUR AWARD CEREMONY EVENING

In the queue for the rest room at the ceremony, tension is high
between the competitors.
VALENTINO GARAVANI, Italian fashion designer. Guest of Helen Mirren
who is competing for prize.
CAITLIN MORAN, English writer. At the awards as a candidate for
writer award.


Valentino Garavani catches attention of Caitlin Moran by exclaiming:
What is that youre wearing, dear lady?

CAITLIN
Excuse me?

VALENTINO
Not expecting a response)
That dress, it does you no favours, ha!

CAITLIN
Ive no idea what you are talking about; it shows what needs to be
shown. I know you; youre that pretentious arse of a designer arent
you?

VALENTINO
(Childishly)
Oh my sweet!

VALENTINO (CONT.)
Ive not had someone call me that in a long time. Have you been to a
show of mine? I think youd love the atmosphere of a thousand happy
women chanting my name as a stunning model bursts through the
curtain to show the love child of what I have spent 40 years of my
life perfecting.

CAITLIN
You mean that girl with the exposed chest of someone with little
knowledge of what is better for her?

VALENTINO
That dress is what Ive been attempting to portray to people like
you who

Caitlin reclines in her pose

CAITLIN
(Stern)
PEOPLE LIKE ME?

VALENTINO
Yes, people like you. The poor women who


CAITLIN
(Rudely, evidently annoyed)
Im going to stop you right there. Im guessing youve no idea who I
am; given the ability to spare a moment from your overly accentuated
profit hungry life Im sure youd massively enjoy reading my books
hell, you might even learn a thing or two.

Valentino crosses arms in confidence

VALENTINO
What youve spend so long of your life portraying in writings; Ive
spent meticulously designing things for women to wear. Given the
chance YOUD take a moment away from your life of drinking coffee
and reading articles from your silly little newspapers about womens
problems and take that filthy old shirt off and put on a dress of
mine, Ill even donate you one.

CAITLIN
Fuck that. Id rather gouge my eyes out than strut down a cat walk
wearing a dress of yours.

Valentino smirks

VALENTINO
Ha! Ive never been so amused. How well do your books sell, might I
ask?

CAITLIN
Well enough to keep women away from the mark youve set onto the
brains of the women ill-informed enough to follow what you show.

Valentino gazes into the lobby

VALENTINO
Hmm.

CAITLIN
Have I stumped you there, Garavani?

Valentino returns to piercing eye contact, to which Moran returns a
disapproving glare

VALENTINO
Huh? No, sorry I was just thinking about something a friend of mine
once said.

CAITLIN
(Shocked at continued conversation)
Whos that?



VALENTINO
(Confidently)
Coco Chanel.

CAITLIN
Finally, something I can take as a compliment; what was it she said?


VALENTINO
Dress shabbily and they remember the dress; dress impeccably and
they remember the woman.

CAITLIN
(Confidently)
Wow. Of everything shes said thats something you think relevant
enough to bring up in conversation when around royalty?

CAITLIN (CONT.)
I too can quote Chanel; Don't spend time beating on a wall, hoping
to transform it into a door, which I currently feel talking to your
pruned face.

VALENTINO
Young girl, have you no respect for your elders? Ive seen more of
this world than you could ever document in any amount of your out-
dated books.

CAITLIN
(Shocked)
Out-dated?

CAITLIN (CONT.)
What Im saying in my books is nothing less than genius; or have you
too been sculpted by greed and the burning desire to live life like
that of 19
th
century royalty? You may have lived on this world longer
than me, but youve seen less.

VALENTINO
Less? My dear Ive seen infinitely more than you have. Ive lived
through almost every important change in fashion from the past 50
years; do you know what that does to a man? Everything I do revolves
around fashion; therefore Im not going to let some rinky-dink
writer try and belittle my work because of something she believes
in.

CAITLIN
I do see your point, but cant you understand from a womans
perspective what your ideology is doing to us? Its leading us to
believe we dont have inner beauty, and thats the problem with this
world. I need to help women believe they should be comfortable with
what they have, like I am, and not to rely on people like you to
force upon us your concept of what we should look.

VALENTINO
But what for the women who dont and cant feel the inner beauty
they have? I want to better help women represent their feelings by
giving them something they feel comfortable in. Thats the point Im
trying to make with my clothing; not to force them into changing who
they are for my own profit.

CAITLIN
but what about your profit? I can imagine youre one hell of a
wealthy man from this image of yours why must you charge so much
if you want this to be something all women can savour from?

VALENTINO
Its not something Ive delved into too much Ive got nothing to
do with the prices of my clothing, thats determined by other
people. What I am in this industry is a mastermind. Im someone who
designs the clothes, not someone who picks and chooses who deserves
to be wearing them. If it was up to me Id allow all women to wear
my clothing, regardless of the price; Im sure you can understand
why I must charge a price at all.

CAITLIN
Yes fair enough. I too must charge, but I cant help but feel the
cost of your clothing is ridiculous. I wouldnt pay a fraction of
your prices for anything of yours.

VALENTINO
So you would wear something? Lovely lady. Thank you. Youve made me
the happiest man alive.

CAITLIN
Dont push it, Valentino.

VALENTINO
Ha! I must leave now, my people need me.

CAITLIN
Get lost, old man.

Both depart ways, Valentino heads to stage and Caitlin moves more
into backstage. Each have a smile on their face, as if theyve made
a point.


FADE OUT.