A Different Future

By Julia Ceccarelli
Mom, are you sure? I asked, not knowing whether I should be celebrating or ripping
my hair out. Visit Germany? Well, all my friends lived there, friends I really missed. So why
didnt I want to go? I looked up at my mom, who had just told me her idea about taking the week
off to visit them. And knew that she would ask me that question when I told her I was- lets face
it- scared to go. After all, she didnt know about the last time. She didnt know, couldnt know,
what it felt like.
It wasnt that theyd forgotten me. No, I hadnt been gone long enough for that, and the
class was, and probably still is, very closeknit. Just one person missing was a tremendous loss
to the group. So when I visited them the year after I left, well- Thirty eight fourth- graders at the
end of a Friday, waiting for a friend to arrive? Well, they over-reacted. They screamed, they
shouted, they crowded in and made such a din that the teacher could not be heard. And then,
someone waved a little white scrap of paper and a pen and- No. I told myself that they wouldnt
do that again; they were too old for that now. But I couldnt be sure, so all I could do was cross
my fingers and wait for something to happen.
It was the day of my friends graduation from 5th grade into 6th. Penny and Ananya had
been my friends since first grade, and when I left, I felt like a black hole had appeared in my
heart. Although they did their best to fill me in on any news at ESKAR, our school, it didnt feel
like my school anymore, or my friends, or my life. It was a future I would never know. And that
was one of the major reasons why I felt queasy as our car approached the familiar grey building,
surrounded by woods and complete with a fountain and a bright blue gate at the main entrance.

Finally, we pulled up in the car park and started towards the kindergarten. My mom had
made us promise we would stop by my brothers old class to say hello to his teachers. Over all,
my five year old brother acted shy and embarrassed, and I couldnt help thinking I would have
been much more friendly in that situation. After what felt like an eternity, we walked down the
walkway painted with stars that led all the way around the elementary and entered the upper
elementary section, where we went outside by the pond. There were already some parents
gathered there, and the odd teacher. They were setting up the food table and the chairs, along the
side of the clearing made by three buildings, in the shade. The sun was swelteringly hot and it
lashed its rays around the brilliant white stage the school had set up the day before, half- blinding
anyone who looked. Immediately, my mom went to chat to the other moms and I was left
alone0020for the moment. Not for the first time, I wondered if I had been right in letting my
friends persuade me into coming. I had met with them the day before and they had both made
such a fuss that I felt compelled to agree, although I still had misgivings. No amount of friends
could change that, I thought. Just then I heard footsteps sounding around the building, and
resisting an urge to run and hide under the table, I went out to meet them.
They were all girls, led by Penny, Ananya and Aurelia, the last of which had been nice
enough to me. I suspected the main reason Aurelia was there was that she liked being right on
top of things- and I dont necessarily mean schoolwork. The rest of the group consisted of
Hannah, Luisa-Marie (who I had only met in my last year and like very much), Elisabeth and
Amy. They all came rushing forward at the same time, and soon a chorus of Julia!, Welcome
back! and Ive missed you so much! had arisen. Trying to answer everybodys questions at
once, I was led back into the building, up the stairs and into their teacher Mrs. Tallamys
classroom, with the pretense of bringing more chairs down to the stage. However, she talked sort

of stiffly, and I couldnt help wondering if she didnt want me to be there. Thats stupid, I
thought, after all, shes a teacher. Teachers dont care. But, as if to confirm my theory, before a
full minute had passed, we were sent out of the classroom to wait outside (something none of us
really wanted to do- the sun was far too hot) and more people began to emerge. The rest of the
girls and some of the boys stopped to say hello and (in some cases) introduce themselves
Finally, the director (who would have looked more at home in the clowns department of a
circus, with his polished brown shoes and bright red suit, sunglasses, yellow striped tie and
Mohawk-like hair) started his speech. It was my pleasure to watch these brilliant children grow
from tiny little seeds in Kindergarten and Pre-K to bold, smart graduates His voice was
high-pitched and tended to pause for effect every few words. As the speech went on, I found that
his voice drifted away into the hazy summer sun as I thought of how I would have been up there
with them, if only I hadnt moved. If only my dad hadnt gotten a job upgrade and left and
taken us with him. If only And suddenly I realized that I wouldnt be the person I was now if I
hadnt moved. I would never have done the things I did if Id stayed, never would have lived the
life I have; I wouldnt have the same present or future. Funny, I thought, how one event might
completely change the course of your life. And as I watched my friends take their certificates
from their teacher and the principal, it suddenly clicked. I couldnt live two lives - there is just
one, so I had to do my best to cram everything I could have done in two into just the one, and
live with it. And it wouldnt get too crowded.