1.

Mistakes
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if she could see her license. She replied in
a huff.
I wish you guys could get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you
expect me to show it to you.
Li g?
Mt s quan cnh st dng mt c gi tc vng v vt qu tc cho php v hi c mt cch rt lch s rng
liu anh c th xem bng li ca c. C nng tr li mt cch ht sc gin d:
Ti mong rng cc anh c th kt hp lm vic cng nhau. Mi ngy hm qua cc anh thu bng li ca ti v
hm nay anh hy vng ti trnh n cho anh.
2. Little Johnny Boy
A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying.
Everyone who thinks youre stupid, stand up!.
After a few seconds, Little Johnny stoop up.
The teacher said, Do you think youre stupid, Little Johnny?
No, maam but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself
B Johnny
Mt gio vin mi vo ngh ang th p dng mn tm l ca mnh. C bt u bi ging bng cch ni:
Em no ngh rng mnh ngu ngc th hy ng ln!
Mt vi pht sau, b Johnny ng dy.
Em ngh rng em ngu ngc h, Johnny, c gio hi.
Khng, tha c, nhng em khng thch phi nhn thy c ng mi mt mnh.
3. Because of absence
Mother: Why did you get such a low mark on that test?
Junior: Because of absence.
Mother: You mean you were absent on the day of the test?
Junior: No, but the kid who sits next to me was.
V vng mt
M : Ti sao con li b im thp nh vy trong bi kim tra h?
Con trai: Bi v vng mt \"
M : \" Con mun ni rng vng mt vo ngy c bi kim tra ? \"
Con trai : \" Khng, a vng mt l a ngi cnh con c. \"
4. Handwriting
Sir hissed the lawyer, do you swear this is not your signature?
Yes.
Is it not your handwriting?
Nope
You take your solemn oath that this writing does not resemble yours in a single particular?
Yes
How can you be certain?, demanded the lawyer.
I cant write, smiled the man.
Ch vit tay
Tha ngi, lut s rt ln gin d, ngi c dm th rng y khng phi l ch k ca ngi khng?
Vng
khng phi l ch vit ca ngi sao?
Hon ton khng.
Ngi th danh d rng ch vit ny khng h ging ch ca ngi mt cht no ch?
Vng
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Sao ngi c th chc chn nh vy?, v lut s hi.

Ti khng bit vit. ngi n ng mm ci.
5. Radio Broken
A film crew was on location deep in the desert. One day an Old Indian went up to the director and said,
Tomorrow rain.
The next day it rained. A week later, the Indian went up to the director and said, Tomorrow storm. The next
day there was a hailstorm.
This Indian is incredible, said the director.
He told his secretary to hire the Indian to predict the weather. However, after several successful predictions, the
old Indian didnt show up for two weeks. Finally the director sent for him.
I have to shoot a big scene tomorrow, said the director, and Im depending on you. What will the weather be
like?
The Indian shrugged his shoulders. Dont know, he said. Radio is broken.
i b hng
Mt on lm phim ang su trong sa mc. Mt hm mt c gi da ti gp trng on v ni rng:
Ngy mai tri s ma.
Hm sau tri ma tht. Mt tun sau, c gi li ti gp trng on v ni: Ngy mai tri bo. Qu
nhin hm sau c mt trn bo ln.
Ngi da tht tuyt, ng trng on ni.
ng ni vin th k thu ngi da d bo thi tit. Tuy nhin sau mt vi ln tin on thnh cng
khc, c gi da khng xut hin trong hai tun. Trng on lm phim cho triu ng ta ti. Ti phi
quay mt cnh rt quan trng vo ngy mai, ng ta ni, v ti trng cy vo ng. Thi tit ngy mai nh th
no?
Ngi da nhn vai.
Khng bit, i b hng, ng ta tr li.
6. Elevator
A village boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, especially
two shiny walls that could move apart, and back together again.
The boy asked his father, What is this father?
The father (having never seen an elevator) responded,
Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I dont know what it is.
While the boy and his father were watching wide- eyed, an old lady, limping slightly, and with a cane, slowly
walks up to the moving walls, and presses a button. The walls opened, and the lady walks between them, into a
small room. The walls closed. The boy and his father watched as small circles of lights with numbers above the
wall light up. They continued to watch the circles light up, in reverse direction now. The walls opened up again,
and walls opened up again, and a beautiful young blonde steeped out The father said to his son,
Go get your mother!!!
Thang my
Hai b con t qu ra ti thm mt khu ph bun bn. Dng nh tt c nhng g h trng thy u khin h
thch th ngc nhin, c bit l hai tm vch sng c th tch ri nhau ri li khp kht nh c.
l ci g y h b? Cu con trai hi b.
Ngi b (cha tng nhn thy thang my bao gi) tr li:
Con trai, b cha tng nhn thy ci g nh vy trong i. B khng bit n l ci g?
Trong khi c hai b con u ang trn mt nhn, mt b lo run ry chng gy, bc chm chp ti ch hai tm
vch chuyn ng v n vo mt ci nt. Hai tm vch m ra, b lo i qua hai cnh ca bc vo mt cn
phng nh. Hai tm vch khp li. Cu b v b thy nhng vng trn nh vi nhng con s pha trn tm vch
sng ln. H tip tc thy nhng vng trn gi li sng ln nhng theo chiu ngc li. Hai tm vch m ra, v
mt c gi tc vng xinh p bc ra ng b vi ni vi cu con trai:
Hy mang m my ti y mau!!!
7.Grandma wouldnt lie
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Little Johnny was at his first day of shool. The teacher advised the class to start the day with the pledge of
allegiance, and instructed them to put their right hands over their hearts and repeat after him.
He looked around the room as he started the recitation, I pledge allegiance to the flag
When his eyes fell on Little Johnny, he noticed his hand over the right cheek of his buttocks.
Little Johnny, I will not continue till you put your hand over your heart.
Little Johnny replied, It is over my heart.
After several attempts to get Little Johnny to put his hand over his heart, the teacher asked,
Why do you think that is your heart?
Because, every time my Grandma comes to visit, she picks me up, pats me here, and says, Bless your little
heart, and my Grandma wouldnt lie.
B s khng ni di
Ngy u tin b Johnny n trng. Gio vin khuyn c lp hy bt u ngy trng i ny vi li th trung
thnh, v hng dn cc em t tay phi ln tim mnh v nhc li li thy.
ng nhn quanh khp phng khi bt u c li tuyn th:
Ti xin th trung thnh di c t quc
Khi mt ng dng li ch b Johnny, ng nhn thy tay cu b t vo mng bn phi ca em.
Johnny, thy s khng tip tc chng no con cha t tay mnh ln tim.
l ni tim con. Johnny t tay ln tim, thy gio hi:
Sao con li ngh l ni tim mnh?
Bi v, mi ln b con n chi, b thng b con ln, v vo v ni Cu cha ban phc cho tri tim b
nh ca chu, v b con s khng ni di.
8. Too short for me
In the Spring fair, a 4 year old child who got lost was crying. A security guard came to console him and said:
If you dont want to get lost, you should have gripped your mothers dress.
The boy cried sniffingly:
But my mothers skirt was too short for me to grip.
Qu ngn chu
Trong mt hi ch xun, mt a tr 4 tui b lc ang khc. Ngi bo v li gn an i n v ni:
Nu chu khng mun b lc th phi nm cht ly vy m.
Cu b st st khc:
Nhng m vy m chu qu ngn chu nm.
9. God
Grandpa and granddaughter were sitting talking when she asked,
Did God made you, Grandpa?
Yes, God made me, the grandfather answered.
A few minutes later, the little girl asked him,
Did God make me too?
Yes, He did, the older man answered.
For a few minutes, the little girl seemed to be studying her grandpa, as well as her own reflection in the mirror,
while her grandfather wondered what was running through her mind. At last she spoke up.
You know, Grandpa. She said, Gods doing a lot better job lately.
Cha tri
ng v chu gi ang ngi ni chuyn vi nhau th c b hi:
C phi Cha tri to ra ng khng h ng?
, Cha tri to ra ng, ngi ng tr li.
Mt vi pht sau c b hi tip:
Cha tri cng to ra chu na ch?
, Ngi to ra c chu na, ngi ng tr li.
Sau mt vi pht, khi c b nhn k ng ri li ngm k mnh trong gng, trong khi ngi ng ang phn
vn khng bit c b ang ngh g trong u. Cui cng c b mi chu ni:
3

ng bit khng, cng v sau Cha tri cng lm vic tt hn.

10. Its coconut
Mike was not well. He was tired all the time, and his head often hurt.
Go to doctor, his wife said.
Mike did not like visiting the doctor, but after a week, he went. The doctor asked him a lot of questions and him
a lot of questions and wrote Mikes ansewers down.
What do you eat in the morning? he asked him.
Eggs, bread, butter, jam and coffee, Mike answered.
And what lunch do you have? the doctor asked.
Meat or fisd and bread.
And what do you have in the evening? the doctor asked.
Eggs and bread.
The the doctor said.
Eat some fruit every day, and eat all the skin of the fruit. The skin is very good. What fruit do you like best?
Mike was not happy.
Coconuts, he answered.
l qu da.
Mike khng c khe. Lc no anh ta cng cng thng v thng b au u.
Hy ti bc s. V anh ta khuyn.
Mike khng thch ti bc s, nhng sau mt tun, anh ta cng chu ti. Bc s hi anh ta rt nhiu cu hi v ghi
li nhng cu tr li ca Mike.
Anh thng n g v bui sng?, bc s hi Mike.
Trng, bnh m, b, mt qu v c ph. Mike tr li.
Ba tra anh dng g?, bc s hi.
Tht, c v bnh m.
Th anh n g trong ba ti? bc s hi.
Trng v bnh m.
Sau v bc s phn:
Hy n hoa qu hng ngy v n c v ca chng na. V ca chng rt tt. Anh thch loi hoa qu no nht?
Mike cau c tr li:
Qu da.
11. He drew it all himself
Teacher: Who helped you to draw this map, Jack?
Jack: Nobody, sir.
Teacher: Didnt your brother help you?
Jack: No, sir. He drew it all himseil.
Ch mnh anh y v
Gio vin: Ai gip em v tm bn ny, Jack?
Jack: Khng ai ht, tha thy.
Gio vin: C phi anh ca em gip em khng?
Jack: Khng, tha thy. Anh y v mt mnh thi .
12. Beggar
Why do you beg?
The truth is I beg to get money for booze (drink).
Why do you drink?
To give me the courage to beg.
K n xin
Ti sao anh li n xin?
S thc l ti xin tin ung ru.
Ti sao anh li ung ru?
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 ti c can m i n xin
13. Most wanted
Little Johnnys kindergarden class was on a field trip to their locl police station where they saw pictures, tacked
to a bulletin board, of the 10 Most Wanted men. One of the kids poined to a picture and asked if it really was the
photo of a wanted person.
Yes, said the policeman. The detectives want him very badly.
So, Little Johnny asked, Why didnt you keep him when you took his picture?
B truy n
Lp mu gio ca b Johnny c mt chuyn thm quan thc t ti n cnh st a phng, ni l tr nhn thy
nhng bc nh ca mi g n ng b truy n gn trn bng tin. Mt trong s nhng a tr ch vo mt bc
nh v hi liu c phi l nh ca mt k b truy n khng?
-, phi ri, vin cnh st tr li, Cc thm t rt mun bt hn.
- Sao ch khng bt khi ch chp nh hn?, b Johnny hi
14. I went out in my slippers
Len and Jim worked for the same company. One day, Len lent Jim 20 dollars, but then Jim left his job and went
to work in another town without paying Len back his 20 dollars.
Len did not see Jim for a year, and then he heard from another friend that Jim was in town and staying at the
central hotel, so he went to see him there late in the evening.
He found out the number of Jims room from the clerk at the desk downstairs and went up to find him. When he
got to the room, he saw Jims shoes outside the door, waiting to be cleaned.
Well, he must be in, he thought, and knocked at the door.
There was no answer.
He knocked again. Then he said,
I know youre in, Jim. Your shoes are out here.
I went out in my slippers, answered a voice from inside the room.
Ti mang dp i ra ngoi ri
Len v Jim cng lm vic cho mt cng ty. Mt hm Len cho Jim vay 20 la, nhng sau Jim b vic v i
lm mt th trn khc m khng tr 20 la cho Len.
Len khng gp Jim trong mt nm tri, v anh nghe mt ngi bn ni l Jim ang c mt trong th trn v ti
khch sn trung tm, do anh ti gp Jim vo chiu ti hm .
Anh tm c s phng ca Jim l nh ngi tip tn di lu v ln lu tm Jim. Khi ti phng, anh thy i
giy ca Jim ngoi ca ang ch c
nh bng.
Chc hn anh ta phi c trong phng. Len ngh thm v g ca.
Khng c ting tr li.
Anh li g ca ln na ri ni:
Ti bit cu trong phng, Jim . i giy ca cu ngai ny m.
Ti mang dp i ra ngai ri. Cu tr li t trong phng vng ra.
15. Gifts for mother
Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. They discussed the gifts they were able to give their
elderly mother.
The first son said: I built a big house for our mother
The second son said: I sent Mom a Mercedes with a driver.
The third son said: You remember how our mother enjoys reading the Bible. Now she cant see very well. So I
sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. The Elders at the church spent twelve years to teach
him. Mama just has to name the chapter and the verse and the parrot recites it.
Soon thereafter, their mother sent out her letters of thanks.
William, she wrote, the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole
house.
Arnold, she said, I am too old to travel. I stay most of the time at home so I rarely use the Mercedes. That
5

driver is so rude, he is a pain!

But David, she said, the chicken was delicious
Cc mn qu tng m
Ba ngi con trai ri gia nh ra i lp nghip v u thnh t. H bn vi nhau v nhng mn qu m h c
th dnh tng cho ngi m gi ca mnh.
Ngi con trng ni: Anh s xy cho m chng ta mt ngi nh ln.
Ngi con th hai ni: Cn em s gi cho m mt chic Mercedes v mt ti x.
Ngi con th ba ni: Cc anh c cn nh l m chng ta thch c Kinh thnh nh th no khng. M by
gi mt m khng c tt lm. Bi vy em s gi cho m mt con vt c bit, n c th c thuc lng ton
b Thnh kinh. Nhng ngi cao tui nh th mt mi hai nm dy n. M ch cn nu tn chng
mc l con vt s c cho m nghe.
Sau khng lu, ngi m gi cho h nhng bc th cm n nh sau:
William, b vit, ta nh con xy qu rng. M ch mi mt phng, nhng phi lau dn c ngi nh.
Arnold, m qu gi i du lch. M gn nh nh sut ngy nn rt him khi m dng chic Mercedes. G
ti x rt th l, hn l mt ni kh tm ca m!
Nhng David, con g th rt ngon.
16. WHY DIDN'T YOU REFUSE IT?
After the Football match, a player went home with a sorrowful face.
His surprised wife asked:
- Why are you so sad? What's the matter? He answered sadly:
- Today I got a Yellow card.
- So, did you want to get it?
- Of course not. The wife was upset:
- If you didn't want to get it why didn't you refuse it? But you did accept it, so now you are sad.
17. The office rules
Bill Jenkins worked in a big office in the city, and generally he used to go to the barbers during working hours
to have his hair cut, although this was against the rules: clerks had to have their hair cut in their own time.
While Bill was at the barbers one day, the manager of the office came in by chance to have his own hair cut.
Bill saw him and tried to hide his face, but the manager came and sat beside him, so he soon recognized him.
Hullo, Jenkins, the manager said. I see that you are having your hair cut in office time,
Yes, sir, I am, admitted Bill calmly. You see, sir, it grows in office time.
Not all of it, said the manager of the office at once. Some of it grows in your own time.
Yes, sir, thats quite true answered Bill politely, but Im not having it all cut off.
Ni quy c quan
Bill Jenkins lm vic ti mt c quan ln trong thnh ph, v thng th anh chng hay i ht tc trong gi lm
vic. Mc d iu ny tri vi ni quy c quan: cc nhn vin phi ct tc trong thi gian ring ca mnh.
Mt hm, trong khi Bill ang trong tim ht tc th ng gim c c quan cng v tnh vo ct tc. Bill
trng thy ng ta v c giu mt i, nhng ng ta ti ngi cnh v nhanh chng nhn ra anh chng.
, cho Jenkins. Ti thy l anh ang ht tc trong gi lm vic y nh!, ng gim c ni.
Vng, tha ng. Nhng nh ng bit y, tc cng mc di trong gi lm vic . Bill bnh tnh th nhn.
Nhng cng khng phi tt c. Cng c nhng phn tc ch mc trong lc rnh ri m thi. ng gim c ni
ngay.
D tha ng iu rt ng nhng m ti cng u c ht ht tc i u . Bill lch s p li.
18. Like a gentleman?
Dick was seven years old, and his sister, Catherine, was five. One day their mother took them to their aunts
house to play while she went to the big city to buy some new clothes.
6

The children played for an hour, and then at half past four their aunt took Dick into the kitchen. She gave him a
nice cake and a knife and said to him,
Now heres a knife, Dick. Cut this cake in half and give one of the pieces to your sister, but remember to do it
like a gentleman,
Like a gentleman? Dick asked. How do gentleman do it?
They always give the bigger piece to the other person, answered his aunt at once.
Oh, said Dick. He thought about this for a few seconds. Then he tool the cake to his sister and said to her,
Cut this cake in half. Catherine.
Nh mt ngi lch s?
Dick ln by tui v em gi Catherine ca n ln nm. Mt hm, m ca chng a chng ti chi nh d
trong khi b i ra thnh ph ln mua t qun o mi.
L tr chi c mt gi ng h cho n lc bn ri th ngi d dt Dick vo trong bp. Ch a cho n mt
ci bnh ngt rt p v mt con dao ri bo:
Ny, dao y Dick. Hy ct chic bnh ny lm hai ri a mt phn cho em chu. Nhng nh l phi lm
vic ny nh mt ngi lch s y nh.
Nh mt ngi lch s ? Vy nh ngi lch s th phi lm th no c?
H lun a ming to hn cho ngi kia,d n tr li ngay lp tc.
, th ? Dick phn ng. Cu ta suy ngh v chuyn ny trong vng vi giy. Ri cu ta mang chic bnh a
cho em ri ni:
Hy ct chic bnh ny lm hai i, Catherine.
19. Will show him
A young lady came home from a date, rather said. She told her mother,
- Anthony proposed to me an hour ago.
- Then why are you so sad? her mother asked.
- Because he also told me he is an atheist. Mom, he doesnt even believe theres a Hell.
Her mother replied, Mary him anyway. Between the two of us, well show him how wrong he is.
S ch cho n bit
Mt thiu n tr tr v nh sau cuc hn h, t ra bun ru. C tm s vi m:
- Anthony cu hn con mt gi trc y.
- Th th ti sao m con li bun b nh vy? ngi m hi.
- Bi v anh y cng ni vi con anh y l ngi v thn. M , them ch anh y cn chng thm tin l c a
ngc na.
- C ly n i. Sng vi chng ta, ta s ch cho n thy l n sai lm nh th no.
20. The magician & the parrot
A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. He has a different audience each week, so he
allowed himself to perform the same act over and over again. There was only one problem: The captains parrot
saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick.
Once he understood, he started shouting in the middle of every show.
Look, thats not the same hat!
Now hes hiding the flowers under the table!
Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades?
The magician was furious but couldnt do anything about it. After all, it was the captains parrot.
One day the unthinkable happened: The ship had an accident and sank! The magician found himself on a piece
of wood in the middle of the ocean with the parrot of course!
They stared at each other with hate, but did not utter a single word. This went on for days.
After a week the parrot finally broke the silence and said, Ok, I give up, Whered you hide the boat?
o thut gia v con vt
Mt o thut gia lm vic trn mt con tu ch cc hnh khch i du ngon trong vng bin Caribbean. Mi
tun anh ta li c mt lt khn gi khc, bi vy anh ta t cho php mnh c din i din li mt tr. Ch c
7

mt vn duy nht l: con vt ca vin thuyn trng xem cc tr din hng tun v bt u hiu cch m nh
o thut din tr.
Mi khi n hiu ra, n li bt u go ln khi mn din cha kt thc:
-Hy nhn xem, khng phi l chic m lc ny!
-Lc ny anh ta ang giu nhng bng hoa di bn !
-Ny, ti sao tt c cc qun bi u c hnh con t pch vy?
Anh ta rt bc mnh nhng khng th lm g con vt. V suy cho cng, n l con vt ca thuyn trng.
Mt hm, chuyn cha tng c ngh ti xy ra: Con tu gp nn v chm! o thut gia thy mnh ang
lnh nh gia i dng trn mt vn g, v tt nhin l con vt cng c !
H ging mt nhn nhau mt cch cm ght, nhng khng ni vi nhau mt li no. iu din ra trong
nhiu ngy,
Sau mt tun con vt ph v s im lng v ni:
- Thi c, ti thua ri y. Anh giu con tu u vy?
21. The carjacking
An elderly woman did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with
her vehicle. She dropped her shopping bags, drew her handgun, and proceeded to scream at them at the top of
her voice,
I have a gun and I know how to use it! Get out of the car, you scumbags!
The four men didnt wait for a second invitation but got out and ran like mad. The woman, somewhat shaken,
proceeded to load her shopping bags in the back of the car and get into the drivers seat. She was so shaken that
she could not get her key into the ignition. She tried and tried, to no avail/
And then it dawned on her why. A few minutes later, she found her own car parked four or five spaces father
down. She loaded her bags into her car and drove to the police station.
The sergeant, to whom she told the story, nearly tore himself in two the other end of the counter, where four
pale males were reporting a carjacking by a mad elderly woman described as white, less than five feet tall,
glasses, curly white hair, and carrying a large handgun.
No charges were filed.
Mt v cp xe hi
Mt b c i mua sm xong, quay tr li ni xe t ca mnh. C thy bn g n ng ang nh b i bng
chic xe ca c. C nh ri ti hng, rt khu song ngn ra, ti gn v gng ht sc ht ln:
- Ti c mt khu sng trong tay v ti bit cch dng n! Hy ra khi chic xe, cn b!
Bn g n ng khng i li mi ti ln th hai m vi v ra khi xe v chy nh in. B c run ry, ti t
ti hng pha sau xe v vo ch li. V qu lp cp, b c khng th cm c cha kha vo kha. B th
i, th li nhng vn chng ch g.
V ri b cng hiu ra nguyn do. Vi pht sau, b thy xe ca mnh sau khang bn n nm ch xe.
B cht ti ca mnh ln xe v li ti n cng an gn nht.
V trung s, ngi m nghe b thut li cu chuyn, gn nh ci v bng v a tay ch v pha cui dy bn
tip tn, ni bn ngi n ng mt xanh mt ang trnh bo v v cp xe do mt b lo in c t li nh
sau: trng, thp hn nm feet, eo knh, tc bc, xon v cm mt khu sng lc ln.
Khng thy c v tn cng no nh th c lu trong h s.
22. The best time for apples
It was the first lesson after the summer holidays at a small school. The lesson was about the seasons of the year,
the teacher said:
They are Spring, Summer, Autumn and Winter. In Spring, it is warn and everything begins to grow. In
Summer it is hot and there are many flowers in the fields and gardens. In Autumn there are many vegetables and
much fruit. Everybody likes to eat fruit. In Winter it is cold and it often rains. Sometimes there is snow on the
ground.
Here the teacher stopped and looked at one of the pupils.
Stop talking, Tom, he said. When is the best time for apples?
It is when the farmer is not at home and there is no dog in the garden. Answered Tom.
8

Ma tt nht cho to
ang trong gi hc u tin sau k ngh h ti mt ngi trng nh. Bi hc ni v cc ma trong nm. C gio
ging:
- Mi nm c bn ma, l: ma xun, ma h, ma thu v ma ng. Ma xun tri m p v mun loi
ny n sinh si. Ma h tri nng nc, c rt nhiu rau v qu, ai cng thch n hoa qu. Ma ng tri lnh v
thng c ma, i khi cn c tuyt ri trn mt t.
Ging n y, c gio nhn mt hc sinh nhc nh ri hi:
- Tom, khng ni chuyn na. Vo ma no to tt nht h?
- Ma to tt nht l.l khi ng ch vn khng c nh v cng khng c ch ngai vn .
23. Secret
A man was telling one of his friends the secret of his contented married life.
My wife makes all the small decisions, he explained. and I make all the big ones, so we never interfere in
each others business and never get annoyed with each other. We have no complains and no arguments.
That sounds reasonable, answered his friend sympathetically, And what sort of decisions does your wife
make?
Well answered the man. she decides what jobs I apply for, what sort of house we live in, what furniture we
have, where we go for your holidays, and things like that.
His friend was surprised. Oh! he said And what do you consider important decisions then?
Well answered the man, I decide who should be Prime Minister, whether we should increase our help to
poor countries, what we should do about the atom bomb, and things like that.
B Quyt
Mt ngi n ng tit l vi bn b mt cuc sng v chng thai mi ca mnh.
-V ti quyt inh nhng vic nh, cn ti quyt nh nhng vic ln, nn chng ti chng bao gi lm phin
ti cng vic ca nhau v cng khng bao gi thy bc mnh v nhau c. Chng ti khng h phn nn hay ci
nhau bao gi. ng ta tm s.
-Nghe c v c y! ngi bn tn thng. Th v anh quyt nh nhng vic g no?
- th b y quyt nh xem ti phi xin lm vic g, chng ti sng u, s mua nhng c g, i ngh
u, v i loi l nhng vic nh th, ngi n ng tr li.
-Vy ? Th th anh cho nhng vic g l quan trng? ngi bn ngc nhin hi.
-Th ti quyt nh nhng vic nh ai s l th tng, liu chng ta c nn tng cng gip nhng nc
ngho hay khng, chng ta phi lm g vi vn bom ht nhn, v nhng vic i loi nh th, ngi n
ng tr li.
24. Princess Ruybet
A guy is taking a walk and sees a frog on the side of the road. As he comes closer, the frog starts to talk.
Kiss me and I will turn into a princess. The guy picks the frog up and puts it in his pocket.
The frog starts shouting, Hey! Didnt you hear me? Im a Princess. Just kiss me and I will be yours!
The guy takes the frog out of his pocket and smiles at it and puts it back.
The frog is really frustrated.
I dont get it. Why wont you kiss me? I will turn into a beautiful princess and do anything you ask
The guy says, Look, Im a computer programmer. I dont have time for girls. But a talking frog is cool!
Nng cng cha Ruybett
Mt g trai tr ang i do th gp mt con cc bn ng. Khi anh chng tin li gn hn th con cc bng ct
ting ngi:
-Hy hn em v em s bin thnh mt nng cng cha. G trai nht con cc ln v t n vo ti.
Con cc bt u go ln
- Ny! Anh khng nghe thy ta ni g sao? Ta l mt nng cng cha. Hy hn ta v ta s thuc v anh.
G trai rt con cc trong ti ra mm ci vi n v li t n vo ch c.
Con cc thc s tht vng:
- Ta thc s khng hiu. Ti sao nh ngi khng hn ta? Ta s bin thnh mt nng cng cha xinh p v
lm theo nhng g nh ngi yu cu.
9

- Hy nghe y, ta l mt lp trnh vin my tnh. Ta chng c thi gian cho cc c gi. Nhng ni chuyn vi
mt con cc th cng lm ta d chu.
25. Stone and Stone- Breaker
A very strict officer was talking to some new soldiers whom he had to train. He had never seen them before, so
he began:
My name is Stone, and Im even harder than stone, so do what I tell you or therell be trouble. Dont try any
tricks with me, and then well get on well together.
Then he went to each soldier one after the other and asked him his name. Speak loudly so that everyone can
hear you clearly, he said, and dont forget to call me sir.
Each soldier told him his name, until he came to the last one. This man remained last one. This man remained
silent, and so Captain Stone shouted at him, When I ask you a question, answer it! Ill ask you again: Whats
your name, soldier?
The soldier was very unhappy, but at last he replied.
My names Stone-breaker, sir, he said nervously.
v ngi p v
Mt s quan nghim khc ni chuyn vi mt s lnh mi m ng ta phi hun luyn. ng cha gp h bao gi.
ng ni:
Tn ti l Stone (ngha l ) v ti cng rn hn . Cho nn phi lm ng nh ti ra lnh, nu cc anh
khng mun gp rc ri. ng tm cch nh la ti. Nh th chng ta s thoi mi vi nhau hn.
Ri ng ta n ch tng ngi lnh hi tn.
Ni to ln cho mi ngi cng nghe r. V ng c qun tha ngi y nh.
Tng ngi lnh ni tn ca mnh, v ri n ngi cui cng. Ngi lnh ny ng im. i y Stone ht ln:
Khi ti hi, anh phi tr li. Ti hi li: tn anh l g, anh lnh kia?
Ngi lnh t v khng vui nhng cui cng anh ta cng lung tng tr li:
Tn ti l Stonebreaker (ngha l: ngi p v ), tha ngi.
26. Me neither
Bob and Joe sat next to each other taking a test. When they finished, the teacher called them up to the front of
the room and said,
Boys, I will have to give both of you a zero on this test
W-why? they wanted to know, though Joe was shifting uncomfortably.
She said, Your answers were too nearly alike. One of you cheated and the other one let him do it.
What makes you think we cheated? Bob asked. That could have been a coincidence.
The teacher said, I might have believed that if it wasnt for the fact that when you became to question number
10, Bob wrote in I dont know for the answer, and you, Joe, put me neither!
Em cng khng bit
Bob v Joe ngi cnh nhau khi lm bi kim tra. Khi h lm bi xong, gio vin gi h ln trc lp v ni:
-Ny hai tr, ti s cho c hai tr im khng vo bi kim tra ny.
-Ti sao c?, hai cu b thc mc, mc du Joe c v trng khng c t nhin.
- Bi lm ca cc em gn nh ging nhau hon ton. Mt trong cc em gian tr v em kia chuyn xy
ra, c gio tr li.
- iu g khin c ngh l chng em gian tr?, Bob hi. c th ch l mt s trng hp ngu nhin.
-C c th tin l nh vy nu khng c thc t l khi cc em lm n cu hi s 10, Bob vit Em khng
bit tr li cu hi, cn em, Joe vit Em cng khng bit c gio tr li.
27. Lullaby
Joe and Helen Mills had two children. One of them was six, and the other was four. They always resisted going
to bed, and Helen was always complaning to Joe about this, but as he did not come home from work until after
they had gone to bed during the week, he was unable to help except at weekends.
Joe considered himself a good singer, but really his voice was not at all musical. However, he decided that, if he
sang to the children when they went to bed, it would help them to relax, and gradually they would go to sleep.
10

He did this every Saturday and Sunday night until he heard his small son whisper to his younger sister.
If you pretend that youre asleep, he stops!.
Khc ht ru
Joe v Helen Mills c hai a con nh. Mt a ln su cn a kia ln bn. Chng lun chng li lnh bt i
ng. Helen rt hay phn nn vi Joe v iu ny. Nhng trong nhngngy lm vic trong tun khng bao gi
Joe v nh trc gi chng i ng, cho nn anh khng gip g c cho Hellen tr nhng ngy cui tun.
Joe c t cho mnh l mt ca s gii, nhng thc ra ging ca anh ta chng c nhc iu cht no. Tuy nhin
anh vn khng nh rng nu anh ht cho bn tr nghe khi chng i ng th chc s gip chng thoi mi tinh
thn v dn dn i vo gic ng.
Ti th by, ch nht no Joe cng lm nh vy cho n mt m anh nghe thy cu con trai th thm vi em
n:
- Nu em c gi v l ng ri th b s ngng ht y!
28. Jesus, help me please
A little boy was afraid of the dark. One night his mother told him to go out to the back porch and bring her the
broom.
A little boy turned to his mother and said, Mama, I dont want to go out there. Its dark.
The mother smiled reassuringly at her son.
- You dont have to be afraid of the dark, she explained. Jesus is out there. Hell look after you and protect
you.
The little boy looked at his mother real hard and asked, Are you sure hes out there?
- Yes, Im sure. He is everywhere. And he is always ready to help you when you need him, she said.
The little boy thought about that for a minute and then went to the back door and cracked it a little. Peering out
into the darkness, he called.
Jesus? If youre out there, would you please hand me the broom?
Jesus, xin hy gip ti
C mt cu b rt s bng ti. Mt m m sai cu ra ngai cng sau mang ci chi qut sn vo.
Cu b quay sang m phng phu:
- M, con khng ra ngai u. Tri ti lm.
Ngi m mm ci khin cu b yn tm ri gii thch:
- Con khng vic g phi s bng ti ht. Jesus ngai . Ngi s trong nom v bo v con.
Cu b nhn m tht nghim tc v hi:
- M c chc l ng ta ngai khng?
- Tt nhin, m chc ch. Ngi c mt mi ni, v Ngi sn sng gip con khi con cn n Ngi,
ngi m tr li.
Cu b ngh v iu trong mt pht v sau i ra ca sau ri m h cnh ca ra mt cht. Nhn ra ngoi
bng ti, cu gi:
- Jesus? Nu ng ngai , ng c th a cho ti cy chi c khng?
29. Im here already
Mary wanted to be a nurse when she lefl school, but in the meantime, she joined the Red Cross and had some
limited training.
She was taught that, in case of an accident and they were plentiful in her town she should give first aid at
once and then send for a doctor.
One day, there was an accident in a busy street, and when Mary arrived soon after, she saw a man bending cover
a woman who had been accidentally knocked down by a car and was lying motionless in the street.
Mary ran up, pushed the man away, informed the crowd that she was a Red Cross nurse and began to help the
wounded woman.
After a few minutes, the man who had been bending over the woman when Mary arrived touched her on the
shoulder and said. When you reach the part about sending for a doctor, dont worry. Im here already.
Ti c mt y ri
C hc sinh Mary mun tr thnh y t khi hc xong ph thng, nhng trong thi gian i hc c gia nhp Hi
ch thp v cng c o to cht it.
11

C c dy l khi c tai nn m thng th th trn ni c xy ra rt nhiu tai nn th c phi tin hnh

cp cu ngay, sau chuyn ngi b nn ti cho bc s.
Mt hm c mt tai nn xy ra trong mt khu ph rt ng ngi, v khi Mary n c thy c mt ngi n
ng ang ci ngi trn mt ph n ang nm bt ng trn ng do b t m phi.
Mary vi chy li, y ngi n ng ra, thng bo vi mi ngi rng c l y t ca Hi ch thp v bt
u cp cu ngi b nn.
Mt vi pht sau, ngi n ng lc trc ci xem ngi ph n khi Mary n chm vo vai c v ni:
- n lc cn n bc s th c ng lo nh! Ti c mt y ri.
30. I didnt want to walk home
Mrs Browns old grandfather lived with het and her husband. Every morning he went for a walk in the park and
came home at half past twelve for his lunch.
But one morning a police car stopped outside Mrs Browns house at twelve oclock, and two policemen helped
Mr Brown to get out. One of them said to Mrs Brown.
The poor old gentleman lost his way in the park and telephoned to us for help, so we sent a car to bring him
home.
Mrs Brown was very surpirsed, but she thanked the policemen and they left.
But, Grandfather, she then said, you have been to that park nearly every day for twenty years. How did you
lose your way there?
The old man smiled, closed one eye and said, I didnt quite lose my way. I just got tired and I didnt want to
walk home!
ng khng mun i b v nh
ng ni ca b Brown sng chung vi v chng b. Sng no ng c cng i b trong cng vin v tr v nh
lc 12 gi 30 dng cm tra.
Nhng mt bui sng n c mt xe cnh st dng trc ca nh b Browm lc 12 gi, v hai cnh st gip c
Brown xung xe. Mt trong hai cnh st ni vi b:
- ng c ng thng ny lc ng trong cng vin v gi in nh chng ti gip v th chng ti cho
xe n v ch ng c v y.
B Brown rt ngc nhin nhng cng cm n hai vin cnh st v h i v. Sau b ni vi ng ni:
- Nhng ni , gn nh ngy no ni cng i do ti cng vin trong sut 20 nm nay. Lm sao m ni lc
ng c?
ng c mm ci, nheo mt v ni:
- Ni u c lc ng. Ni ch mi mt v khng mun i b v nh thi!
31. How can he explain it?
An old gentleman was walking slowly along a street one day when he saw a little boy who was trying to reach a
door bell which was too high for him. He was a kind hearted old man, so he stopped and said.
I will ring the bell for you.
And then he pulled the bell so hard that it could be heard all over the house.
The little boy looked up at him and said.
Now we will run away. Come on
And before the old gentleman knew what was happening, the naughty boy had run round the corner of the
street, leaving the man to explain to the angry owner of the house why he had rung the bell.
ng c bit gii thch sao y
Mt ngy n, c mt ng lo chm ri i b dc theo khu ph th cht trng thy mt cu b ang c gng vi
tay ko chung ca treo qu cao i vi n. ng lo l mt ngi tt bong nn dng li v ni:
Ta s ko chung cho chu
Sau c ko chung tht mnh khin ting chung ku vang khp trong ngoi nh.
Cu nh ngc nhn ln ng v dc:
- By gi th chng ta phi chy ngay. No chy thi.
V trc khi ng lo kp hiu ra cu chuyn th cu b ng nghch chy vng qua gc ng, mc ng lo
ang phn trn vi ch nh ang bc mnh v l do ti sao ng li ko chung.
32. Grass
12

One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass by
the road side. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.
Why are you eating grass?, he asked one man.
We dont have any money for food, the poor man replied.
Oh, come along with me then.
But sir, I have a wife with two chirlden!
Bring them along! And you, come with us too!, he said to the other man.
But sir, I have a wife with six children! the second man answered.
Bring them as well!
They all climbed inton the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limo. Once underway, one
of the poor fellows says,
Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you.
The lawyer replied, No problem, the grass at my home is about two feet tall.
C
Mt bui chiu n, khi mt lut s giu c ang ngi trong chic xe li-mu-din th nhn thy hai ngi n ng
ang n c bn ng. ng ta yu cu ngi li xe dng li ra ngoi tm hiu.
- Ti sao anh li n c?, ng ta hi mt ngi n ng.
-Chng ti khng c tin mua thc n, ngi n ng ngho kh tr li.
-, th th hy i theo ti.
-Nhng tha ngi, ti cn c mt ngi v v hai a con!
-Hy mang h theo lun! V c anh na hy i vi chng ti!, ng ta ni vi ngi n ng khc.
-Nhng tha ngi, ti c mt ngi v v su a con!, ngi n ng th hai tr li.
-Hy mang c h theo na!
Th ri c m ngi tro ln t, vic ny tht chng d dng g, ngay c vi chic xe li-mu-din rng ri. Trn
ng i mt trong hai ngi n ng ngho kh ni:
- Tha ngi, ngi rt tt bng. Cm n ngi v bn ti theo ngi.
-Khng c g u, c nh ti cao gn hai ft c, v lut s p li
33. Famous people
One evening, Mrs. Alda asked her husband to take her to a very expensive restaurant in the city, because a lot of
movie starts and other famous people ate there, and she was curious to see some of them.
Soon after Mr. and Mrs. Alda had ordered their meal, a very attractive man and a woman came into the
restaurant and sat down at a table nearby. They were beautiful dressed, and Mrs. Alda said to her husband,
Look at those people, George! Im sure Ive seen their pictures somewhere.
The man and the woman gave their order to the waiter, and when he brought Mr. and Mrs. Alda their soup, Mrs.
Alda said to him,
Who are those people? Do you know them?
Oh, theyre nobody famous, he answered at once.
Really? Mrs. Alda asked with surprise. How do you know that?
Because they asked me who you were, he answered.
Nhng ngi ni ting
Mt ti, b Alda ni chng a b ti mt nh hng rt sang trng trong thnh ph v c nhiu minh tinh mn
bc cng nhng nhn vt ni ting n n v b t m mun trng thy h.
Chng bao lu sau khi ng b Alda gi thc n th c mt ngi n ng v mt ngi n b quyn r bc
vo nh hng, h ngi xung mt bn gn bn ca b Alda. H n mc rt p v b Alda ni vi chng:
-Anh George, nhn h ka! Em chc thy hnh ca h u ri.
Ngi n ng v ngi n b kia ku mn n h mun v khi anh hu bn a mn sp cho ng b Alda, b
Alda hi anh:
-Nhng ngi l ai th? Anh c bit h khng?
-, h khng phi l nhng ngi ni ting u, anh hu bn tr li ngay.
Tht khng? Lm sao anh bit c iu ? B Alda ngc nhin hi.
13

-V h cng hi ti xem ng b l ai, anh hu bn tr li.

34. Awful word
A young couple gets married, goes on a cruise for their honeymoon. Back from the honeymoon, the bride
immediately calls her mother.
Well, darling, says her mom, how was th honeymoon?
Oh, mother, the girl replies, the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic. We had a terrific time. But as
soon as we returned, Sam began using really horrible language. Stuff Id never heard before; really terrible
words. Youve got to come and get me and take me home. PLEASE, mother!
And the bride begins to sob all over again.
Poor darling, says the mother. What words?
I cant tell you, mother theyre too awful. Come and get me, please!
Darling daughter, the mother continues. You must tell me what has you so upset. Tell mother. What were
the words?
Still sobbing, the bride says, Words like dust, wash, iron, and cook!
Nhng t khng khip
Mt cp v chng tr i du ngon bng tu trn bin hng tun trng mt. Va ht tun trng mt tr v, c
du lp tc gi in thoi cho m.
- , con yu, tun trng mt th no?, m c du hi.
- M i, tun trng mt rt tuyt vi! Rt lng mn, chng con c mt thi gian ng nh. Nhng ngay khi
chng con tr v, Sam bt u dng th ngn ng thc s khng khip m trc y con cha tng nghe thy;
thc s l nhng t khng khip. M phi ti ngay y, cu con v mang con v. Con xin m y!
Va dt li c du li st si tr li.
-Kh thn con ti. Th nhng t g c? Ngi m hi.
-Con khng th ni vi m c chng qu khng khip. Hy ti y cu con, con xin m y!
-Con gi yu, con phi ni cho m bit iu lm con bun kh n vy. Hy ni cho m bit nhng t l
g?, ngi m kin nhn hi.
-Nhng t nh ht bi, git gi, l qun o v nu n!, c du va st si va tr li.
35. Another chance
Jack had gone to the university to study history, but at the end of his first year, his history professor failed him
in his examinations, and he was told that he would have to leave the university. However, his father decided that
he would go to see the professor to urge him to let Jack continue his studies the following year.
Hes a good boy, said Jacks father, and if you let him pass this time, Im sure hell improve a lot next year
and pass the examinations at the end of it really well.
No, no, thats quite impossible! replied the professor immediately. Do you know, last month I asked him
when Napoleon had died, and he didnt know!
Please, sir, give him another chance, said Jacks father. You see, Im afraid we dont take any newspapers in
our house, so none of us even knew that Napoleon was ill.
Mt c hi na
Jack i hc mn lch s mt trng i hc, nhng ht nm th nht cu b gio s dy s nh trt v c
bo rng cu s b ui hc. Nhng b cu cho rng ng cn phi n gp ngi gio s kia thuyt phc ng
cho cu con c hc tip nm sau.
-Jack l mt cu b tt, b cu ni. v nu gio s cho n qua k thi ny, ti tin chc l n s hc hnh rt
tin b trong nm ti v s qua cc k thi cui nm vi kt qu tt.
-Khng, khng, khng th c, v gio s phn i ngay lp tc. ng bit khng, thng trc ti c hi cu
ta l Napoleon cht vo nm no m cu ta cng khng bit na.
-Tha gio s, rt mong gio s cho n mt c hi na, b ca Jack ni n. Gio s bit khng, chng ti
khng c mt t bo no nh c nn thm ch khng mt ai trong s chng ti bit rng Napoleon b m na
kia.
36. An excellent interpreter
A famous writer who was visiting Japan was invited to give a lecture at a university to a large group of students.
14

As most of them could not understand spoken English, he had to have an interpreter.
During his lecture he told an amusing story which went on for rather a long time. At last he stopped to allow the
interpreter to translate it into Japanese, and was very surprised when the man did this in a few seconds, after
which all the students laughed loudly.
After the lecture, the writer thanked the interpreter for his good work and then said to him,
Now please tell me how you translated that long story of mine into such a short Japanese one.
I didnt tell the story at all, the interpreter answered with a smile. I just said, The honorable lecture has just
told a funny story. You with all laugh, please.
Ngi phin dch xut sc
Mt nh vn ni ting ang ving thm nc Nht v c mi n ging ti mt trng i hc cho mt nhm
sinh vin. V hu ht sinh vin khng nghe c ting anh nn ng phi thu phin dch.
Trong khi ging ng k li mt cu chuyn vui kh di. Cui cng ng dng li ngi phin dch dch sang
ting Nht. ng rt ngc nhin v anh phin dch ch k li cu chuyn trong vng c vi giy m sau tt
c sinh vin u ci ln.
Sau bui ging nh vn cm n anh phin dch v dch rt gii. Sau ng hi:
- Xin anh cho bit lm th no m anh dch c mt cu chuyn di nh vy ca ti sang c mt vi li ting
Nht m thi?
Ngi phin dch mm ci tr li:
- Ti khng h k li cu chuyn m ch ni: V gio s ng knh ca chng ta va k mt cu chuyn ci.
ngh tt c cc bn ci to ln.
37. A new trick
The conjurer was arranging a new stage trick, and on the day before its introduction he asked his young son to
help him.
When I ask for a boy to come on the stage, you must come at once. But you must not do anything or say
anything that will make the audience think that you know me.
The boy said he understood everything and when the conjurer asked for help, he came forward quickly and was
invited on the stage. When he got there, the conjurer said:
Look at this boy! He has never seen me before, have you, my boy?
No, father! answered the boy.
Mt tr o thut mi
Mt ngi lm tr o thut ang dn dng mt tit mc o thut mi trn sn khu, v hm trc ngy m mn
anh ta nh cu con trai gip sc:
-Khi b mi mt cu b ln sn khu, th con phi ln ngay. Nhng con khng c ni g hay lm g khin
khn gi ngh l con bit b y nh.
Cu b ni l hiu ht mi chuyn v khi ngi din tr xin gip, cu nhanh chng i ln v c mi ln
sn khu. Khi cu ng , ngi din tr ni:
-Xin hy nhn cu b ny! Trc y cu y cha bao gi trng thy ti, c phi th khng, cu b?
- Vng, tha b!, cu b tr li.
38. Pretend
Although this married couple enjoyed their new fishing boat together, it was the husband who was behind the
wheel operating the boat. He was concerned about what might happen in an emergency. So one day out on the
lack he said to his wife.
Please take the wheel, dear. Pretend that I am having a heart attack. You must get the boat safely to shore and
dock it.
So she drove the boat to shore.
Later that evening, the wife walked into the living room where her husband was watching television. She sat
down next to him, switched the TV channel, and said to him,
Please go into the kitchen, dear. Pretend Im having a heart attack and set the table, cook dinner and wash
dishes.
C cho rng
Mc du i v chng rt thch i trn chic thuyn nh c mi ca h cng vi nhau, nhng ngi chng
15

thng l ngi ngi sau tay lI v iu khin con thuyn. Anh ta lo lng v iu c th xy ra trong trng hp
khn cp. V th mt ngy khi ang gia h anh ta ni vi v rng:
Hy cm ly bnh li, em yu. C cho rng anh ang b au tim. Em hy lm sao thuyn vo b mt cch
an ton v cho n vo bn.
Ngi v li con thuyn vo bn.
Sau vo bui ti, ngi v i vo phng khch ni ngi chng ang xem tivi. Ch ngi xung cnh chng,
i knh truyn hnh, v ni vi anh:
Hy i xung bp, anh yu. C cho rng em ang b au tim nn hy dn bn, nu ba ti v ra bt a.
39. SUPREME RULER
A boy asked his friend:
- Who\'s the supreme ruler of beasts?
- Too easy! Tiger. Is it right? or lion?
- No, the supreme ruler of beasts is the director of zoo
CHA T
Mt cu b hi bn :
-Cha t loi th l ai?
-Qu d ! Cp. ng khng? Hay l s t?
-Khng, cha t ca loi th l ng gim c s th
40. SOAP
The teacher asked:
- John, what are four basic elements in the nature? John answered:
- Teacher, fire, air, soil and ... and...
- And what? Try to remember!
- And... And... And...
The teacher knew that his pupil couldn\'t tell the fourth element that is water. Therefore, he gave a hint:
- What do you clean your hands by?
John replied:
- Teacher, soap!
X BNG
Thy gio hi:
-Tohn, bn nguyn t c bn trong thin nhin l g?
John tr li :
-Tha thy, la ,khng kh , t v...v ...
-V g?C nh xem !
-V ...v....v...
Thy gio bit hc tr ca mnh khng nh ra nguyn t th t l nc.V th, thy gi :
-Em ra tay bng g?
John p :
-Tha thy,x bng!
41. BEHAVIOUR
A mother asked sadly her son:
- In all subjects, you got good marks. Why was your behaviour bad?
Her son answered:
- With the subject of behaviour, I couldn\'t look at my friends\' exercise to copy.
HNH KIM
Mt ngi m bun ru hi con trai :
-Trong tt c cc mn ,con u c im tt.Ti sao hnh kim ca con li xu ?
Con trai ca b tr li :
-Vi mn hnh kim, con khng th nhn bi lm ca bn chp c .
42. THE LOST KEY
16

At a restaurant, a guest said angrily:

- Waiter! Why is this key in my soup? What do you think of it?
- Sir, I\'m very happy - replied the waiter - I have looked for it everywhere from yesterday. Thank you very
much! Thank you very much! It\'s lucky that you didn\'t swallow up it.
Chic cha kha b mt
Ti mt nh hng, mt ngi khch tc gin ni:
- Anh bi! Ti sao chic cha kha ny li trong mn sp ca ti? Anh ngh sao v vic ny?
- Tha ngi, ti rt vui sng - Ngi hu bn tr li Ti tm kim n khp ni t hm qua n gi. Cm
n ng nhiu! Cm n ng nhiu!
Tht may mn l ng khng nut mt n.
43. A POEM
A young poet came to the magazine editorial office and said to the editor:
- I\'m sorry! I made a mistake and sent you the foodstuff bill instead of my poem.
-I thought it was a poem in modernistic language and sent it to the printing house - replied the editor.
Mt bi th
Mt nh th tr n ta son tp ch n v ni vi bin tp vin:
- Xin li! Ti nhm ln v gi cho anh t ha n thc phm thay v bi th ca ti.
Bin tp vin p: - Ti tng l bi th bng ngn ng hin i v gi i nh in ri.
44. A HALF OF TICKET
A man went to the theatre for the concert. At the ticket office, he said to the ticket seller:
- Please sell me a half of ticket!
-I don\'t understand what you said. Why is a half of ticket? - asked the ticket seller.
- Because my left ear has been deaf from last year. I can hear with only one ear.
Mt na v
Mt ngi n ng i n nh ht nghe ha nhc.
Ti phng v, ng ta ni vi ngi bn v:
- Xin vui lng bn cho ti mt na v!
- Ti hiu ng ni g. Ti sao li l mt na v?
Ngi bn v hi.
- V tai tri ca ti b ic t nm ngoi. Ti ch c th nghe bng mt tai thi.
45. A bribe for your professor
A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his
desk to wait. Once the test was over, the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of
the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying \"A dollar per point.\" The next class the
professor handed the tests back out. This student got back his test and $56 change
46. HE IS MY FUTURE BROTHER- IN- LAW
The Referee of a loosing Football team was seriously criticizing a player.
- Why, when you were face to face with the Goalkeeper and only eleven meters from the goal, didn't you shoot
straight into theopposingteam'sgoal?Everyonecouldseethatyou deliberately kicked the ball out.
-Yeah!... Please sympathize with me because that team's Goalkeeper is my future brother- in- law.
Anh ta l anh v tng lai ca ti
Hun luyn vin ca i bng b thua nghim khc ph bnh mt cu th
Ti sao khi i mt vi th mn c ly ch c 11m m anh khng st thng vo cu mn i phng ?Ai cng
thy r l anh c tnh bng ra ngoi !
D ... Anh thng cm ! Bi v anh chng th mn ca i kia l...anh v tnng lai ca ti !
47. MISUNDERSTANDING
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The young wife moved by her football player husband, said:

-Last night you held my head in your hands and fondled me. I didn't know that you were so much in love with
me that you think of me even while you sleep.
The player was surprised.
- Oh, was that your head? I was dreaming and was surprised that my ball had suddenly grown such long hair.
Hiu lm
C v tr cm ng ni vi chng (l cu th bng ):
-m qua anh c m ly u em mavut ve u ym .Tht tnh em khng ng anh li yu em n mc trong lc
ng say nh th m vn nh n em .
Chng cu th ngc nhin :
- th ra l u ca em h ? Tho no trong lc m, anh c ngc nhin : lm sao m qu bng ca mnh bng
dng li mc tc ra di th !
48. LET THEM QUIT THE GAME EARLY!
A wife was telling her \"Football Referee\" husband:
- Dear! There is an anniversary of death in my parents family. You\'ll prepare to go there with me, won\'t you?
- Alas! I can\'t go, because this afternoon I have to work as a referee for the Championship Cup Competition
Football Match. You\'ll have to go alone!
- That\'s unacceptable! It\'s my Great Grandma. If you don\'t come, my relatives will insult me.
- So, when will the anniversary begin? -At 5:00pm.
- Alas! The match will finish at 5:15pm
- My God! What a strange man you are! Just tell the players you want them to quit playing a bit early. You are
the referee: Whatever ruling you make, the players have to obey.
H cho ngh sm i !
B v bo chng (l trng ti bng ):
ng ! Chiu nay c m gi bn ng ngoi , ng lo chun b sang bn y vi ti nh !
y cht ! i th no c ! V chiu nay ti lm trng ti chnh cho trn tranh cp v ch . Thi b i mt mnh
vy !
Khng c ! m gi b c c ti m ng khng i h hng nh ti h chi cho ?
Th m gi bt u lc my gi ?
5 gi chiu
i ! 5 gi 15 trn u mi xong
i gii i , ci ng ny ! Th ng cho cc cu th h ngh sm mt t sao no ! ng l trng ti th bo g m
h ch nghe !
49. I'll NEVER GO TO WATCH A FOOTBALL GAME AGAIN!
A football supporter told her husband:
- I'll never come to see another football game again.
- Why? Do you think they played badly?
- No! I agree that the game was interesting, but then I saw that scene at the end of the match when some of the
losing team were so sad and the others were crying. It was so "cold blooded" when the members of the winning
team were dancing and singing with animation. How could they be so happy when others were suffering so
much?
Em s khng bao gi i xem bng na
Mt n c ng vin bo chng :
Em skhng bao gi i xem bng na !
Sao th ? H khng hay ?
Cng nhn l c hay ; nhng em thy c cnh tng lc kt thc trn u sao m tn nhn qu . Bn thua th k
bun b chn nn , ngi th khc . Cn bn thng th h reo , ma ht tng bng .Lm sao m h li c th vui
mng trn ni au kh ca ngi khc c nh th c ch ?
50. THERE ARE PLENTY OF TICKETS ON THE BLACK MARKET!
A football player sighed and told his wife:
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- This match is the deciding one. If we can\'t beat team \"A\" it means we will lose the ticket to attend the final
match.
His wife consoled him:
- Well, there are plenty of tickets on the black market. They are only a bit more expensive. Let me help you!
V ch en thiu g !
Anh chng cu th bng th di ni vi v :
Trn ny l trn quyt nh . Nu bn anh m khng thng c i A th k nh mt chic v vo d vng
chung kt .
C v an i :
i do ! V ch en thiu g ! C iu hi mc hn mt t thi . em lo cho !

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