CULTURAL POLITENESS Lily Arifin English Lecturer of STBA LIA Jakata Abstract Should we lear culture to be polite or should we be polite to be cult! problem that we will approach by an in-depth analysis of what cult? daily life. Several culturalists offer some definitions. Afler defining firm link between culture and politeness we will share experience of POY confuses cross-cultural interactions. yred? ‘This is a common is and how it fictions in culture and establishing a culture interferes or Keywords: Cultural: Politeness Life is about defining what i right or what isnot right. What i ht or Some People may not be accepted by others of different culture. Why is this so? _ In the book, piding the Waves Understanding Diversity in Global Business, Fons Trompenaars and offer their definition on cutture. They state that culture is like an onioo» With many hidden layers of meaning and assumptions not always immediately understood or Ve thought. about by the people living within the culture. Their onion has three major layers, They explain that the outer limits of the onion (layer number one) constitute the explicit products Of culture or the firs things you encounter on a cultural evel: “Explicitculture isthe observable reality ofthe langue Food, buildings, houses, monuments, agriculture, shrines, markets, fashions and art.”” They explain that these articraft, % 7 a society that are not are expressions of deeper values and norms in 2 8° directly visible (values such as upward mobility, “the more-the better”. S!@US+ material success)” The second layer constitutes a culture's norms or values. Norms helP us to determine what is Fight or wrong in the form of laws and social contols). Values help 5 define what is good and bad (they are usually ideals that a group shares). ‘The innermost layer OF layer number 3 is a Person's implicit basic assumptions While Robin Tolmach Lakoff in her book, Talking Power calls Politeness @ system i" interpersonal relationships, which facilitate interactions while creating BCH FOU? harmony ans minimizing the conflicts which may arise from those contacts. Eve Within specific cultural 33 Cultural Politeness (Lily Arifin)contexts, the universali looking at particular cultural ideas. ‘The idea of Num*ehi in Korca contains the concept that a person without a social intelligence is a person lacking the skills of Nunchi or in the West, is popular as lacking Emotional Quotient (EQ). The basic idea behind this concept is that there is more to the making of a welladjusted individual than simply academic knowledge; the individual also has to be socially adept in society to be truly sucvessful. How well people interact has as much to do with life suecess as how “smart” they are, and the more people interact well will be. of politeness in maintaining the social harmony can be seen while with one another the more coherent and stable the soci Where do we leam politeness? ‘The first people we all lear politeness from are our parents (or direct caregivers) and immediate family (brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles and so on). From our parents and siblings we leam about sharing our belongings, and asking before taking something, ‘where and when not to speak, what we may speak about, what not to ever talk about, and so on. We also leam from them the nonverbal aspects of politeness in our respective cultures, such as proxsemics and kinesics rules. Proxsemies rules gover comfort distance in various types of relationships between people in a given culture, Some cultures allow close proximity between people and some others demand much greater spatial distances, Kinesies rules govern such things as facial features, appropriate times for smiling, frowning, and hand gesturing, Some cultures are highly expressive with broad and obvious facial and hand gestures, and others regard formality and a certain stone-faced quality to be more important. In fact, when encountering a new cultural environment, the frst thing we notice is not the nice set of values the people of that culture have, nor that they have an interesting way of sharing a system, of meaning, An individual does not think about these things first or maybe ever; instead one thinks about and is confronted with physically observable differences or more concrete things which appear to be different than one encounters in one’s own culture and country on a daily basis: the way a person hands you a bill, a handshake, ete. Because of these differences, contact between two cultures may cause conflict oF confusion. ly from person to person, For example, reactions to handing a bill at a restaurant or a handshake can range from polite to impolite interpretation or even admiration or offense. ‘The writer, an Indonesian, was a litle bit shocked (culture shock?) when discussing about the mystery of culture and politeness with her friends from different countries. Human reactions to cross-cultural encounters can vary 34 LINGUA Vol. | Januari 2003:53--56Handing a bill at a restaurant Sharing her uncomfortable experience on eating in some restaurants in America, a fiiend fiom Greek-Cypriot was offended by waitpersons placing the bill for her meal on the table “too early” She stated that in her culture it was “rude” to bring the bill so early and that the waitpersons wanted her to leave, She said it was not a big issue but it imitated one’s feeling and spoiled the appetite. We can recognize that this is a problem that involves politeness since she has identified the situation as “rude” behavior, but from this perspective we can also see that this shared value has manifested itself into a norm. Let us go back to Trompenaars and Hampden-Tumer’s test. ‘They state that the best way to test if something is a basic assumption isto see if the encounter or questions regarding the event provoke confiision or invitation, Once you encounter something like an action that makes you mad, confused, or shocked, you will know that this event is bringing your basic assumptions into questions or conflict, If you ean catch and control the immediate conditioned responses or are aware of what to look for, you will be able to stop and question the happenings in that moment, Perhaps you do not fully understand what value or norm is being expressed but you will be less tempted to label the person or culture as rude or impolite. ‘An individual opinion came from an American friend when we encountered this situation. She said that it did not bother her at all thatthe bill came early. On the other hand, it made her feel more in control of the situation and would be able to leave at her leisure, If the bill was not there when she wanted to leave then she would be initated because the waitperson had no respect, for the value of her time. She acided that people in America valued their time and she believed that the bill would come quickly. Handshaking Asa point of unofficial violation, a Greek-Cypriot, a German, an Indonesian, and a French would stand, if seated, when a person approaches to be introduced. However in America this is not a strict social or protocol mule. One could merely nod hisher head, shake from a sitting position, or stand to shake. It is possible that all are correct, For the others, previously mentioned, itis an important cultural norm, Everyone does it, so one must follow. This rule was long ago established. Indonesian handshake, a greeting by bringing two hands together like praying, is a “salute to show honor”. ‘Typical handshaking in this country can look outwardly different from a handshake in ‘America, For example, an Indonesian might bring hisfher hand direetly to hishher chest or heart Cultural Politeness (Lily Artin) 55immediately after the action. [fan American is not familiar with the value given in Indonesia, it is possible that the American might interpret this action as a hand wipe. One might think that the person is trying to remove the essence which was just captured during the handshake. On the ‘ther hand, the interpretation of tis act is honoring friendship by bringing the person to their heart and saying “I will keep you in my heart”, Such interpretation confused the observers who then uttered: “So important is handshaking to some cultures that it might be compared to wearing belt in the USA, a matter of social life and death” Originally, handshaking was begun to show that each warrior was approaching unarmed and thus ensuring a safe meeting. We open and seal business deals with a handshake of good faith and wwe also offer a hand of friendship to acquaintances. These cultures and many more, value honesty and a handshake is the representation of this open honesty. It has become a basic assumption which if violated may cause conflict and or confiision, Being in different cultures may be fun and exciting but it can be frustrating and difficult if one can not bring to ita deeper awareness of what is valued ina culture. To do this evaluation of a culture, cone must frst be taught what to look for, practice, and finally not judge. Politeness is a gift of beauty which is delivered and accepted in many different ways. Exercises in awareness and practice are the tools for which we can overcome these differences in order to understand REFERENCE ‘Stewart, Edward C. 1972. American Cultural Patterns: A Cross-Cultural Perpective. Kinesics and Cross-Cultural Understanding, by Genelle G, Morain at the University of Georgia. Published in Crtwe Bound (1986), by the Cambridge Language Teaching Library, Edited by Joyce Merrill Valdes. Robinson, James. Nun chi article ‘Trompenaars, Fon and Charles Hampden-Tumer. 1998. Riding the Waves of Culture: Understanding Cultural Diversity in Global Business 56 LINGUA Vol. 1 Januari 2003:53--56