"I didn't know at all that these dumb obsessions of mine would hurt you

Just know before you go that I was the one man who loved you only
I was a stupid idiot who couldnt even protect you because I was so foolish.."
-TVXQ's "Before you Go"

It was a strange feeling walking into your doom. Its a mixture of nervousness, dread and yet, just
a tinge of excitement. Excitement, as I wondered what could possibly go down in these four walls.
I wasnt scared, I knew that much at least. No, there was nothing that I could be charged for, for I
had done nothing. Despite this, it was still unnerving seeing the men in uniform eyeing me down
as if I had murdered someone, as if I had stepped out of line and they knew. But I held my head up
high and looked down at them with disdain.

Was the interrogation necessary? Speaking to everyone that both Changmin and Sooyoung had
spoken to for the last three months was a tad extreme, if you asked me. And personally, the officers
were too stupid to find out the cause of their deaths anyway. They could never understand the
passion, the obsession that love is. Never. And because of this, they would never understand why
Changmin and Sooyoung had died the way they did.
They tried to stop me from seeing their crime scene photos, but their attempts were so pathetic, it
was hard thinking they were trying at all. And so it was that as my sneakers thudded quietly on the
dull grey floor, I passed by the investigation room. Around the walls were some notes, but most of
them were evidence - in the form of photos. It was strange knowing that two of my best friends
were being examined so thoroughly by complete strangers. They would have been horrified and
my fingers itched to tear down those photographs and hide them away for them. Especially
Sooyoungs. No one should be able to look upon her beauty except for me. Me. But even I was
repulsed by the bloody hole through her head, the bullet having shot through her skull, the blood
splattered across the white, white sheets. And Changmin, his hand clasped around hers, their
twinkling weddings rings a huge sparkly slap in my face. I quickly looked away.

This way, sir.

Wasnt it ironic that the officers were still formally addressing me even as we trudged down single
file into the interrogation room where everything I did would be recorded and slowly analysed by
ignorant men? I sat down across the two serious faced officers, one female, the other male and I
slowly smoothed my features to a blank expression, void of life and stared across the triangular
table. And then it began.

To get out - thats what I wanted the most at this moment. But still I sat there, almost motionless,
as they fired question after question at my unfaltering gaze. My brain had put itself on autopilot
and I almost missed the last question. I stared at them incomprehensively. They repeated their
question.

Did you love Sooyoung?

Another slap in the face. Did I love her? The answer was on the tip of my tongue but I hesitated
and blinked. Sooyoung. I didnt love her. I do love her, past, present and future. Always. And yet...

Yes I did.

The officers quickly scribbled something down onto their notepad and for the first time in the
high-keyed artificial lighting of the cramped room, my heart sped up. My mouth felt dry and
without knowing it, my hands were shaking uncontrollably. Sooyoung and Changmin. It hit me
again, just like it had whenever I least expected it. They were gone.

So you say you loved her. Then did you know anything about the murder? Or suicide?

Suicide. Murder. Such small words yet they polluted the air the moment the officer spoke them. I
was suffocating and for just one second, I regretted it. And I wished I was dead as well.

No.

I lied.

***