Things Not Said for a Long Time

A Play in Three Acts

by

Natalya Churlyaeva

Translated from Russian

by

Jane H. Buckingham

Natalya Churlyaeva
Kolomenskaya 12/42
Krasnoyarsk, Russia
churyahin@rambler.ru

Things Not Said for a Long Time by Natalya Churlyaeva

 CHARACTERS
EUGENE: Husband, in his 50s.

TATIANA: EUGENE’s Wife.

Things Not Said for a Long Time by Natalya Churlyaeva

 SETTING
The action takes place at a cottage of two nouveau riches.

TIME
The present.

SYNOPSIS
Two people live together for years and remain essentially strangers.
The wife had secretly buried some treasures at their cottage but
unbeknownst to her, the husband had accidentally dug them out. One
fine day, the wife tries to retrieve her hoard. It becomes the two
heroes’ day of reckoning. They live through all three acts of the play on
that day. Obscure sides of their personalities, including the husband’s
homosexuality, are revealed.

Things Not Said for a Long Time by Natalya Churlyaeva

 I-1

Act One
The curtain rises on a summer morning.
TATIANA hangs around by the fence
examining something near her feet.

TATIANA
(Mutters)
Strange… Very strange… Must be here somewhere.

(EUGENE appears with a beer; takes a sip and stretches.)

EUGENE
Oh! What a wonderful day! In a word, bliss!

TATIANA
What’s so wonderful?

EUGENE
Why isn’t it wonderful? Don’t you see it? Just look up! See what
gorgeous weather we have today!

TATIANA
Weather, what weather… There’s nothing special about it.

EUGENE
Well, don’t say that. The weather is simply remarkable! Feel how easy
it is to breathe? Even after yesterday’s boozing. The sun doesn’t burn,
and it’s not stuffy… Feel the freshness in the air… Well, isn’t it so? Am
I wrong?

TATIANA
Talk, talk. What’s the difference whether you’re right or wrong? I only
feel that some day your talking will get us in trouble.

EUGENE
And I see you’re in a bad mood already this morning! Okay, I can keep
quiet.

TATIANA
Really? That’s hard to believe!

EUGENE
And what do you think I’m like at work? Imagine to yourself: my
people sitting, looking at me, and I stand and keep mum. Or, on the
 I-2

other hand, sit and keep mum. You wouldn’t believe it to be true!

TATIANA
Aha, don’t make things up. You can’t make such things up.

EUGENE
What things? What do you mean?

TATIANA
Indeed… I’ve already heard.

EUGENE
Heard what?

TATIANA
All sorts of things. Irina Sergeevna already told me everything.

EUGENE
What did she tell you?

TATIANA
Everything. And Ignaty Stepanovich is onto it as well. He already had
time to report how you brag to Avdotyin.

EUGENE
What did I brag about?

TATIANA
How you’re going to bump Vadim Alikperovich off.

EUGENE
What kind of nonsense is this!

TATIANA
Exactly, what nonsense. Besides, I even told her so.

EUGENE
What, don’t you know our Irina Sergeevna?

TATIANA
Too well, that’s why I told her.

EUGENE
And she can’t stand me! I don’t know why. Personally, I have nothing
against her, and she shouldn’t either. But here, she keeps on
badmouthing me all the time. With or without reason, like here, with
 I-3

this Alikperovich.

TATIANA
Are you at least aware what purpose it would serve her?

EUGENE
But there’s no purpose! Trust me, Tanya, I can’t understand what the
devil she wants from me? I’m at a loss why she slanders me all the
time.

TATIANA
Do you want to say that you haven’t met Avdotyin?

EUGENE
When?

TATIANA
The other day.

EUGENE
Well, to tell you the truth he was in my office once. Only how does she
know about it?

TATIANA
I already said, Ignaty Stepanovich knows everything.

EUGENE
But he can’t have the slightest idea about Avdotyin!

TATIANA
And how do you know whether he knows him or not?

EUGENE
Well, you’ll say it too! It’s even obscene somehow to mention their
names together in the same sentence. To compare that Ignaty
Stepanovich to that…to any Avdotyin.

TATIANA
Well, go on… What do you really want to say?

EUGENE
Me? Nothing. Simply I...

TATIANA
Simply you’ve gotten quite out of hand lately! Imagine yourself
heaven knows what! Babble about whatever to weird people and don't
 I-4

even think about the consequences!

EUGENE
What consequences can there be? We weren’t talking about that sort
of things.

TATIANA
What sort of things weren’t you talking about? Why did he show up at
your office at all? What do you have in common anyway?

EUGENE
Tanya, well, you know… We studied together! What, have you
forgotten? And later we worked together, and for more than a year at
that.

TATIANA
The things you remember! When was this? In those glorious days of
historical materialism?

EUGENE
But wasn’t it? It was! And there’s no getting away from it, Tanya. You
already can’t delete this fact from my biography.

TATIANA
I’m not asking you to change the facts in your biography! I’m only
begging you not to try to spoil my life with your indiscreet actions!
And, by the way, yours too.

EUGENE
What indiscreet actions? About my meeting with Avdotyin? What, is he a
gangster? Keeper of a hideout? Or, maybe, just a street addict? No,
nothing like that. He’s quite a normal person.

TATIANA
What? Avdotyin? Normal? First time I hear this from you.

EUGENE
Certainly, normal…well, perhaps he’s a little eccentric in some ways.
Still, a very decent fellow.

TATIANA
Well, what did the decent fellow want from you? Why did he come to
you at all?

EUGENE
Well, it’s like this…he said, he dropped in…concerning work he’s
 I-5

interested in.

TATIANA
Work? For whom?

EUGENE
For himself. Who else?

TATIANA
So, it turns out he hasn’t got a job? Even better! And you say he’s
normal.

EUGENE
So? Many people are out of work now, what about it? These days they
don’t put people in jail for sponging. Besides, he isn’t just sitting
around but looking for a job, quite actively in fact.

TATIANA
Does it mean he came to you to look for a job?

EUGENE
Well, I suppose you can say that… To be exact, he came to propose
one of his projects to me…well, that is, ask me to become his
sponsor… Why are you looking at me like that? Don’t look at me this
way, I refused him at once! I also said that I’m not going to be his
sponsor or investor, so that he shouldn’t even count on me.

TATIANA
And that’s all? That’s how the conversation ended?

EUGENE
Well…almost.

TATIANA
How almost?

EUGENE
Then he asked me to fix him up at least as a guard in our office.

TATIANA
And…

EUGENE
Well, I joked. I told him that now it’s easier for me to close Vadim
Alikperovich’s factory than to hire him. Even as a guard.
 I-6

TATIANA
That’s it!

EUGENE
What? That was all, and nothing more. We parted on that. Avdotyin
left, and that's it… Tanya, I honestly tell you, there was nothing more!
Absolutely nothing.

TATIANA
And you think that’s not enough? You had to joke!

EUGENE
I didn’t think there might be any repercussion. How was I supposed to
know that Avdotyin has no sense of humor and would run off at the mouth
about it everywhere?

TATIANA
Why blame your Avdotyin? Think about yourself! Didn’t bother to close
the office door and shouted so loudly that they could even hear it in
reception!

EUGENE
Really?

TATIANA
Yes. Everybody heard it.

EUGENE
Who’s everybody? Gina perhaps?

TATIANA
Why Gina? People were there!

EUGENE
What people?

TATIANA
What people, what people…nice people! Who later broadcasted to
Ignaty Stepanovich.

EUGENE
And he to Irina Sergeevna. And she to you. Everything’s clear.

TATIANA
Nothing’s clear to you. How can you be sure it hasn’t reached
somebody else’s ears?
 I-7

EUGENE
So it does, so what? Why are you worrying ahead of time? Why are
you trying to spoil the mood this morning? We had such a good time
yesterday… By the way, you asked me to entertain our guests at the
barbecue and I tried my best. I tried to please everyone, and that
wasn’t so easy. Putting it mildly, the majority of your friends are poorly
informed and tongue-tied. And don’t try to change my mind. They
can’t turn their tongues but I never breathe a word of it making small
talks. You hear nothing from them except smut and stale dirty jokes.

TATIANA
Really? Then why did you nearly laugh your head off yesterday?

EUGENE
Me? Yes, actually there was something very funny… What was it
yesterday that was so funny? I remember there was something very
funny! But what exactly, I don’t remember… Who said it? Tanya, do
you remember?

TATIANA
I didn’t hear anything funny.

EUGENE
(Slaps his forehead.)
Ah-h! I remember now! Majorov said it! Here, listen! He was on his
way to his cottage. He hadn’t even gotten out of the city and saw an
accident. Well, not exactly an accident, just a Cherokee crashed into
an Audi.

TATIANA
So? What’s so funny about it?

EUGENE
You listen. Here it’s Peregudov who was driving that Cherokee.

TATIANA
Our neighbor?

EUGENE
Yes! So, he brushed against the Audi. Swiped it… Or did they swipe
him? Well, unimportant. In short, noise, all hell broke loose, the cops
came, everybody jumped out and started shouting at each other. You
know how it usually is. The cops said, “Open your trunk.” So, they
opened the back of the Audi and saw a case of Martini. Well, Martini, so
what, can’t a guy have some Martini? Perhaps he’s taking them to a
 I-8

banquet or a birthday party? But here in Peregudov’s trunk there were

bags! The cops asked, “What’s inside these bags?” Peregudov
answered, “Potatoes.” The cops were surprised, “What potatoes?”
Peregudov answered, “I’m going to plant them.” “Your registration,
please.” They checked the registration and were even more surprised,
“I don’t understand. The car’s absolutely new, I doubt very much that
anyone carries potatoes in such a nice car. Nothing to be done,
unload, we’ll have to check them. Perhaps you’re hiding something
more serious in your bags, who knows?!” So Peregudov shouted, “I
won’t allow it! It’s private property! Don’t touch my bags!” The cops
didn’t listen, grabbed a bag, turned it over, poured everything out
onto the ground, grabbed another, and went about doing the same.
Peregudov was running around and shouting, “What are you doing,
bastards? I’ll grind you into dog food!” He took out his cell phone and
started calling somebody. The cops pull the phone out of his hands; he
swung and hit them in the face. Well, they tied him up so he couldn’t
swing his arms. Just then, Majorov came by and Peregudov shouted to
him, “Call my wife! Tell her I’m being robbed!” Yes, it was really funny.

TATIANA
Well, so?

EUGENE
What do you mean “well, so?” Don’t you think it’s funny?

TATIANA
What’s so funny about it?

EUGENE
Don’t you see? The cops got scared by potatoes!

TATIANA
You stop talking nonsense. Who is your Peregudov trying to fool with
last year’s potatoes?

EUGENE
It’s not Peregudov, it’s Majorov telling that story… And, by the way,
not only this. Did you hear how he was hinting at big changes at the
top?

TATIANA
I heard. That’s how he enhances his reputation. Always tries to look
more informed than he actually is.

EUGENE
But you must agree that he’s often right.
 I-9

TATIANA
Was right.

EUGENE
I don’t understand. Why was?

TATIANA
Exactly what it means. He was right before but not now.

EUGENE
Why then did you invite him to the barbecue?

TATIANA
He invited himself. And it wouldn’t be proper to turn him away…
especially since he’s such a nasty person. If you don’t invite him, then
later…

EUGENE
Yes… I have to agree with you… But why didn’t his wife come?

TATIANA
Where have you been all this time? What wife?

EUGENE
Well, his…Veronica Alexandrovna.

TATIANA
He left her long ago!

EUGENE
What do you mean “left”?

TATIANA
The same way he left the first one, walked away.

EUGENE
Can’t be! He loves his granddaughter so. All night he was talking about
her…showing photos…

TATIANA
Are you talking about Lena? She’s not his granddaughter.

EUGENE
Don’t make it up. Why are you making things up?
 I-10

TATIANA
I didn’t. Lena is Lydia’s daughter and Lydia is Veronica Alexandrovna’s
daughter from her first marriage. You really didn’t know that she and
Majorov had no kids together?

EUGENE
Wait, wait… Something I don’t understand. But isn’t she his
granddaughter from his first marriage?

TATIANA
There’s no granddaughter. In fact, he has no children at all.

EUGENE
Well, I’ll be! I didn’t know that either. So, he’s left his wife… And
where’s he living now?

TATIANA
In fact, nowhere. He moved in with some floozy, and, imagine this,
she’s twenty-eight years younger!

EUGENE
The guy moved on not poorly…gusty, nothing to say.

TATIANA
Yea, gutsy all right. Still has to find out how gutsy it is! She has neither
house nor home, nothing to her name, can even say she’s flat broke,
except for a son.

EUGENE
Oh!

TATIANA
Besides, Majorov and her son had taken a dislike to each other right
from the start.

EUGENE
Why?

TATIANA
The usual thing. Majorov was staying at her place for a while and
began to whine. You know: he’s a busy person, works a lot, gets tired,
and needs rest at home, but her place is too cramped, the comings
and goings, and the child… Finally, he gave her an ultimatum: him or
her son…
 I-11

EUGENE
Understandable. And she?

TATIANA
Naturally, she preferred Majorov and sent the kid to granny, to her
own mother. And granny is paralyzed.

EUGENE
Completely?

TATIANA
Not completely, just partially… But still, as they say, not quite all
there: forgets to turn off the taps in the kitchen, starts a fire in the
room…

EUGENE
I don’t understand this Majorov. Now it’s not even fashionable to go
nowhere. A different thing if she’s well-off, then at least one can
understand it. But this way? Damn! No, I don’t understand this
Majorov. Why does he want all these problems?

TATIANA
Whose problems are you talking about? It’s his new woman who’ll still
have problems with him. He has no problems there. He just skipped
out from his problems to her.

EUGENE
What problems? I don’t understand you.

TATIANA
Don’t you know that Lydia had disappeared?

EUGENE
His daughter?

TATIANA
How many times do I have to repeat it, she’s not his daughter! He only
liked to say that she is. But after her disappearance he has stopped
hinting at it. All you men are untrustworthy like this. When times are
good, you’re here, ahead on a white horse. But the minute anything
happens…you’re nowhere to be found.

EUGENE
No need to generalize, Tanya. If Majorov in his declining years is
burning with passion and moves in with a woman who makes him feel
like a man, so what? Problems are problems but passion is passion.
 I-12

TATIANA
What passion, Gene? It’s not passion he has, but fear! Basic fear. He
was literally trembling with fear when it was found out that Lydia had
become a drug addict!

EUGENE
Ah, so… I didn’t know about this… Well, certainly, not a very pleasant
story.

TATIANA
Very unpleasant. Besides, no sooner did they manage to put Lydia in
the clinic than she disappeared. Imagine, disappeared somewhere
straight from the hospital! Only where did she find the strength after
such an overdose? Left somewhere on her own two feet.

EUGENE
Did she leave on her own? Quite possible that someone helped her.

TATIANA
I immediately thought so too, once I found out. How could there not
be, but since then Lydia’s tracks are cold. Nothing is heard about her.
And what a coincidence that Majorov was smitten with a young love at
the same time. Only no one was fooled. Everybody understood that he
did it on purpose as if to say now that he has a new family, he has
nothing to do with the old one…well, needless to say, with the
overdose and the disappearance.

EUGENE
(Frowns)
That’s not good. He’s not behaving like a gentleman.

TATIANA
What gentleman, he behaves like a jerk! Imagine what position he’s
put Veronica Alexandrovna in: alone, with a babe in arms! Her
daughter, a drug addict, disappeared. Where? Unknown, and nobody
can even say if she’s alive. Nobody knows anything, and in fact,
nobody wants to know. The poor woman, the blow really affected her.

EUGENE
How so?

TATIANA
The usual. It’s called insult. Bedridden in the hospital for a month
already.
 I-13

EUGENE
Again you lost me. Who’s taking care of the granddaughter if Lydia
has disappeared and Majorov has left?

TATIANA
Veronica’s sister, Nina. Flew in from Petersburg especially for this,
didn’t begrudge the money. What a wonderful woman! So remarkable!
And she has a good husband too. Both of them are now busy with
Veronica’s granddaughter. Nice man, not like your jerk Majorov.

EUGENE
Why is he mine? I need him like a duck needs an umbrella. To tell you
honestly, I’ve always disliked him. You know, he’s such a slippery
fellow… Listen, Tanya, how long are you going to hang around there?

TATIANA
What’s it to you? Am I stopping you from something?

EUGENE
No, I’m not saying that you are. Only it’s time for breakfast.

TATIANA
Please, go eat then.

EUGENE
Don’t you want to join me?

TATIANA
Can’t you see that I’m busy?

EUGENE
But what are you so busy with? I’ve been watching you for a solid hour
and still can’t figure out what you’re doing in that corner… Do you
need help? Tanya, do you hear me?

TATIANA
Leave me alone, don’t bug me. I’ve already lost so much time with
you…with your chattering…
(Pokes around near a fence post and mutters.)
Here perhaps?
(Loudly)
All right, if you want to help, bring me a shovel.

EUGENE
What for?
 I-14

TATIANA
If I ask you to bring me a shovel, that means I need one. Don’t worry, I
never ask without reason.

EUGENE
Yea? Remember the time you phoned me from work, asking me to
bring you bags? I wondered then why you needed them but in the end,
did exactly as you asked, and what happened? You yelled at me so
furiously in front of your staff that I still feel ashamed.

TATIANA
And you should be! Why did you make me look like a fool in front of
my people? Even now, they still laugh when they recall it!

EUGENE
But what’s so funny?

TATIANA
You still don’t understand? I asked you, like any reasonable person, to
bring bags, calmed the ladies, told them my husband was coming and
would soon solve all the problems of packing the meat. And here,
please, surprise! My husband appeared and brought with him three
lady’s handbags!

EUGENE
It’s your own fault. You didn’t explained clearly then but reproach me
now about those handbags.

TATIANA
All right, to heck with those handbags, I’m not talking about them at all.
Now I’m asking you to bring me a shovel. Are you going to do it?

EUGENE
To tell the truth, no.

TATIANA
Why? Too lazy?

EUGENE
No, Tanya, not lazy. Simply, you understand, it’s like this… In short, I
left it in the woods.

TATIANA
In the woods? In what woods?

EUGENE
 I-15

You see, Tanya, I decided to dig out a fir tree and plant it in front of
our house. Tell me, would that be so bad?

TATIANA
So? And?

EUGENE
Well, you see, you must agree a little fir tree would fit in nicely with
the surrounding landscape…

TATIANA
(Interrupts.)
So the fir tree is here? Where’s the shovel?

EUGENE
It’s like this, I dug out the fir tree and brought it here, but left the
shovel in the woods. Unfortunately.

TATIANA
Go, find the shovel.

EUGENE
Now it’s unlikely I can find it.

TATIANA
What do you mean you can’t? Go, find it, and quickly!

EUGENE
Tanya, don’t get excited. I gave that fir tree to Nicolas Stepanovich so
that he would plant it, else it’d die…

TATIANA
To hell with your fir-tree! Quick, bring me any shovel!

EUGENE
Tanya, you understand, we have no more shovels. It’s the only one
and it’s left in the woods. If you need a shovel so badly, we can
borrow one from the neighbors.

TATIANA
I need a shovel, not needless rumors.

EUGENE
Don’t worry, nobody will see it. At least I can take it from Victor
Ivanovich, nobody’s there today.
 I-16

TATIANA
Those who want will see. There’re always spying eyes, don’t worry.

EUGENE
What not to worry? Definitely something to worry about. If you keep
going this way, you’ll fully develop an obsession about persecution.

TATIANA
W-what?

EUGENE
I’m quite serious. You understand that now we enjoy full freedom of
actions, do whatever you want, and nobody will pay any attention…

TATIANA
What are you talking about! How can people know everything about
everybody, if nobody pays any attention to anyone?

EUGENE
Well, you know, my dear, it’s not knowledge, more like speculations.

TATIANA
I need no speculations either. I need a shovel! Get one now, from
wherever you want.

EUGENE
Tanya, listen, can we perhaps manage somehow without a shovel this
time? And later I’ll bring you a new one from town, hah?

TATIANA
When later?

EUGENE
Well, at least tomorrow.

TATIANA
You’re crazy! Tomorrow… Have to come up with such a thing,
tomorrow! Tomorrow will be too late.

EUGENE
Why?

TATIANA
Because! Don’t you understand? I’ll repeat again; tomorrow will be too
late, understand, too late! Tomorrow I won’t need a shovel, tomorrow
I’ll need…tomorrow I’ll need nothing at all!
 I-17

EUGENE
Well, it’s good that you’ll need nothing. If everything can be settled
somehow without a shovel…

TATIANA
How settled? Who said anything about settling anything? I see you
don’t want to understand me at all.
(Turns and walks to the fence.)

EUGENE
But why do you need it so badly? Do you want to dig something out?

TATIANA
Aha… As if I should tell you.

EUGENE
Okay, if you don’t want to tell me, don’t. I just want to help you from
the bottom of my heart.

TATIANA
You can’t help me without a shovel. And with a shovel I’ll manage fine
without you, thank you very much.

EUGENE
If you need to get something out, I can try pulling it out with my
hands.

TATIANA
Then come here and pull!

EUGENE
Please… Always happy to be of service to my lawful other half…
(Approaches the fence.)
Well, show me. Pull what?

TATIANA
(Points to a fence post.)
This post.

EUGENE
What for?

TATIANA
Pull and don’t ask unnecessary questions.
 I-18

EUGENE
Allow me, allow me, my dear, this won’t do. We aren’t in agreement.
This isn’t some potatoes to be pulled out by hand.

TATIANA
Didn’t you say you’re ready to pull something out by hand? Then pull,
come on!

EUGENE
No, no, Tanya, I don’t agree. Such deeds are not for me.

TATIANA
Then go, find a shovel, and we’ll dig it out.

EUGENE
Tanya, pay attention: the post is cemented in.

TATIANA
So?

EUGENE
So, it’s not so simple to dig it out even with a shovel, let alone pulling
it out by hand. And for what? Do drop your bit of curious fun.

TATIANA
Are you sane?

EUGENE
I’m not sure about you but I have no doubt that I am.

TATIANA
Then explain to me where the cement came from.

EUGENE
The cement? Hmm…I can’t say exactly, most likely from the Second
Ferroconcrete plant. To tell you the truth, I didn’t ask Nicolas
Stepanovich about it.

TATIANA
Oh Lord, again this Nicolas Stepanovich! What the heck does he have
to do with this fence?

EUGENE
But in fact it’s he who changed the fence! Haven’t you noticed?

TATIANA
 I-19

Noticed what?

EUGENE
Wow, Tanya! You definitely have sunstroke. Or perhaps had a little too
much yesterday?

TATIANA
Are you making fun of me?

EUGENE
Not at all. I especially asked Nicolas Stepanovich to finish this fence
before our barbecue so as not to spoil the scenery for our guests…

TATIANA
(Squeals in hysterics.)
He had no right to touch this fence without his neighbors’ permission!
I’ll sue him!

EUGENE
Excuse me, my dear, but you’re totally wrong here. Nicolas
Stepanovich specifically asked my permission and I gladly gave it. Just
look at how precise and solid it is now. Besides, it cost us absolutely
nothing…

TATIANA
(Continues to squeal.)
It has cost us a whole fortune!

EUGENE
You’re exaggerating. What fortune can there be in the old fence?

TATIANA
Not in the fence but under the fence!

EUGENE
Ah, under the fence… Well, to tell you the truth, Tanya, I don’t quite
understand…

TATIANA
You never understand anything! You never understand anything as
you should! One can cut off your head and it won’t make a difference!
You won’t even guess that your end is coming!

EUGENE
Well, tell me, what am I here for? Have you told me at least one word
about something under the fence? You never tell me anything about
 I-20

your affairs…

TATIANA
Something? What do think this “something” is? Because of this
“something” they can send us to the other world without a ticket!

EUGENE
Without a ticket? Why without a ticket?

TATIANA
Because you’ll have nothing to buy it with, you idiot! Idiot, idiot, you’re
such an idiot! Quick, run and bring anything here! A crowbar, a pick,
anything! We must break it now! Perhaps all isn’t lost yet, maybe, it’s
still there. Perhaps no one has found… Well, don’t just stand there
like…you know, anybody! Run quick!

EUGENE
Tanya, calm down! Get a hold of yourself. You want to break, so break,
please. If necessary, we’ll break everything, it’s not a problem… But, break
without Nicolas Stepanovich’s permission…

TATIANA
What, have you decided to finish me off with Nicolas Stepanovich?
What permission?

EUGENE
Permission to break his new fence! Tanya, come to your senses! We’re
just discussing this. You wanted to sue him for the old fence, which he
destroyed allegedly without permission…

TATIANA
To hell with his fence! Both the new and the old! Does it take as long
to get to your head as to a giraffe’s? Neither you nor I will be alive if
we don’t find it!

EUGENE
What’s “it”?

TATIANA
It! What’s buried under the fence!

EUGENE
Ah-h… Well, well, have it your way… Still, I can’t imagine what it’ll be
like if we wreck Nicolas Stepanovich’s new fence without his
permission…
 I-21

TATIANA
First we break it, then we’ll see what it’ll be like! The most important
thing for us now is to break it!

EUGENE
(Astonished)
The most important thing is to break it?

TATIANA
(Puts her hands up to her head.)
Оh-h-h-h! Now I’m done for! Must find it! Find it at any cost! Otherwise,
it’ll be very bad for us…
 II-1

Act Two
The curtain rises on midday. Several fence
posts together with the fence are down. The
exhausted heroes sit on it.

TATIANA
What are we going to do? I’m at my wit’s end… Lord, is there really
nothing more to be done? Why are you silent? At least say something!

EUGENE
What’s there to say in such a situation? I’m having difficulty catching
the meaning of what’s going on. It’s something straight from the
theatre of the absurd.

TATIANA
What theatre? It’s not theatre but a real nightmare! Only I see you
don’t get it, as usual.

EUGENE
What do you mean “as usual”?

TATIANA
This is exactly what I mean. You talk and talk and everything comes
out the other ear. Either you don’t listen or don’t understand what’s
being said… Or even worse; you don’t want to understand.

EUGENE
You’re right. I don’t always pay attention to what people say to me.

TATIANA
Hear, hear! Finally, you’re starting to get it. Better late than never.

EUGENE
Here you’re wrong. In our current situation, it seems to me that it’s
much better for me not to understand anything than to understand
something too late.

TATIANA
Gene, please, leave this Chinese philosophy alone! No need to get on
my nerves. Though there isn’t much time left, all’s not lost, there’s still
hope…

EUGENE
You know, talking about how much time left, or hopes…cherished in
 II-2

youth. Though I must admit, I cherished these hopes. Granny instantly

warned me that first day I brought you home...

TATIANA
W-what?

EUGENE
Do you remember what she said then?

TATIANA
For crying out loud! What things you find to remember! Nothing better
for you to remember?

EUGENE
You know why exactly I remember that day. That first day we’re at my
parents’…

TATIANA
Aren’t you ashamed! Did one good thing at least happen that day?

EUGENE
(Distinctly)
No-thing.

TATIANA
Exactly, nothing good.

EUGENE
And who was to blame? Me, perhaps? My parents? Or perhaps you
think it’s all Granny’s fault?
 II-3

TATIANA
Are you accusing me? Yes, I waited for that day like it was a holiday! You
can’t imagine how I got ready for it! Mama found a good dressmaker
who spent two days making me a nice dress. Early that morning I ran
to the hairdresser’s, stayed there for so long, and then still had to fix
myself up at home. Started to get dressed, the tights had a run in it!
Then I had no spares! What to do? Mama said, “Wear stockings.” Put
on stockings and saw the elastic band sticking out under the hem. As I
was straightening it, the hook on the bra snapped! I was in tears! The
make-up started to run and stung my eyes. I rushed to wash off the
make-up and stained my new dress! Just then, you walked in! Mama
noticed that I was about to get hysterical and gave me a Valium. On
the way over, all I could think of were the stockings and the stain on
my new dress. When we got there, the first words I heard right at the
door were, “Since you intend to be the daughter-in-law, come help in
the kitchen, show us what you can do.” I tried to handle the kitchen
knife and completely ruined the manicure I spent so much time on!
Your granny stood beside me and only chuckled mischievously. “Girl,
you can’t even hold a knife properly, how are you going to feed your
man?” We set down at the table and your father proposed a toast, “To
our family!” How I didn’t want to drink vodka after the Valium. Oh,
how I didn’t want to.

EUGENE
If you didn’t want to, there was no need to drink it.

TATIANA
So, you remember how your relatives hushed me! And I, the little fool,
had to drink that whole damn glass! Everything became blurry and I
remember nothing after that. When I came to, lying on a bed,
sluggish, filthy, I saw you and your granny as if through a fog. I was slow
to grasp where I was and what was happening with me, but her words,
what she said, I’ve remembered all my life.

EUGENE
So you remember her words still.
 II-4

TATIANA
How can I not remember!
(Imitating EUGENE’s granny.)
“Oh, Gene, with such a bride you’ll have more than your share of
trouble, everything will go wrong in your life.” When I heard her words,
I was so insulted! There was a lump in my throat and I started to cry,
but she said nothing more, only looked at me quietly and left the
room. If not for you, I’d probably have thrown myself into the river that
day.

EUGENE
Me? Did I do anything that day?

TATIANA
Thank God you didn’t! You simply came over, helped me up, and took
me home…

EUGENE
And I remember very well how I barely dragged you home. How your
mother, as soon as she opened the door, started to cry, wailed, “Оh-
оh-oh! What have they done to my girl?” I tried to explain to her that
you were tipsy from the toast but she didn’t want to listen! She only
yelled to everyone at the entrance, “My girl doesn’t drink at all!
Monsters! Tyrants! Some nightmare! I’ll not leave it alone! I’m calling
the cops right now!” When I heard about calling the cops, I got so
scared, quickly bolted from your doorstep, and ran, out of harm’s
way…

TATIANA
Exactly, ran! As if it’s possible to run away from destiny.

EUGENE
And what else could I do? Had it out with your mother on the stairs?

TATIANA
You didn’t even bother to phone me afterwards!

EUGENE
How could I? The next day I was out of town on training, to Moscow.

TATIANA
And I waited for your call! Didn’t move away from the phone, listening
all the time, wondering if it would ring. But the phone was silent like
it’s dead. I even went to the phone company to find out if there’s
anything wrong with the line. Of course, there wasn’t. And then the
phone suddenly started ringing like mad! Only they weren’t the calls I
 II-5

was waiting for. Phoning for some warehouse, all day long! All the time
asking for the warehouse! I nearly lost my mind then. My heart was
pounding each time it rang. Blood rushed to my head, conflicting
feelings consumed me. I wanted you to call, but was afraid it would be
you at the same time. I simply didn’t know what to say if you’d
suddenly call. And so it was every time! I would pick up the phone,
hoping to hear your voice, but not hearing it, continued to listen to the
angry shouts on the other end, “Hello, warehouse? Is this the
warehouse?” I would listen in silence to those rough voices until they
finally threw down the phone. And then a mix of strange relief and
disappointment would take hold of me and I would start to cry. And so
it went every day…with each call…

EUGENE
That’s silly. Just had to dial my number and call.

TATIANA
I did. Only it wasn’t you but your family who answered. I would lose my
nerve and couldn’t say anything to them. I waited and hoped that next
time you’d answer the phone.

EUGENE
How could I if I wasn’t in town then?

TATIANA
It’s possible to call even from another planet if there’s the smallest
desire.

EUGENE
Perhaps you’re right. I’m ready to agree with you… But you know… I
can admit now that I had no great desire to do so at the time.

TATIANA
Really?

EUGENE
Don’t be surprised. In fact, I hoped to forget everything that happened
between us as some stupid misunderstanding. Wasn’t it so? Imagine
yourself in my shoes. I brought a girl home for the first time and what
came out of it? Nothing good. A true madhouse! Here you described
how you waited for that day, how you got yourself ready for the
meeting, and you think I didn’t? You think it’s simple for me to
convince my parents of my choice? But I tried and they understood
me properly, treated it very seriously. Perhaps even too seriously,
almost like an official introduction. Exactly, an introduction! But,
instead of an nice gathering it turned into real chaos. With swoons,
 II-6

shouts, moans, and accusations! Indeed, better not to remember that

day. At the time, I just wanted to forget about it altogether and almost
succeeded. Besides, while on training there I met a rather interesting
person…

TATIANA
(Surprised)
Really? That’s news to me… You know, Gene, I didn’t even suspect
this.

EUGENE
Any of your suspicions here would be groundless. After all, nothing
serious came out of it… Can just call it the passion of youth.

TATIANA
Passion, you say? And what exactly were you so passionate about?

EUGENE
Well, let’s not call it passion, call it romance.

TATIANA
So, you dropped me and instantly threw yourself into someone else’s
arms?

EUGENE
I didn’t drop anyone. I simply went on training and there…well, I met a girl whom I
liked. She was so bright and confident, and next to her, I felt …well,
you understand what I mean. I must admit I even lost my head for a
while.

TATIANA
And then?

EUGENE
What then? What precisely are you interested in?

TATIANA
Don’t pretend you don’t know! I ask you what’s between the two of
you.

EUGENE
Do you really want to know? Honestly, everything?

TATIANA
Everything. Why the “everything” ended as nothing? Did she reject
you?
 II-7

EUGENE
What reject? On the contrary! I even proposed to her and she agreed
in principle. Only, with a condition.

TATIANA
What condition?

EUGENE
That I move to Moscow. I thought and thought but just couldn’t make
up my mind. They’re waiting for me at home…especially Granny. And
then my training ended and I had to leave. I came home and still hadn’t
decided.

TATIANA
(Starts to cry.)
A fool… What a fool I was! Granny was waiting for him… Even now I’m
still a fool…

EUGENE
(Surprised)
Tanya, what’s the matter? Stop crying! That was so long ago!
Besides, I married you, not Svetlana. Why shed tears now because of
her?

TATIANA
What if she had kept up with you? Would you have married her then?

EUGENE
Tanya, why these pointless speculations now? It’s all in the past.

TATIANA
(Continues to cry.)
And here I was only thinking of you. Hung around your place every
evening…waiting all the time…hoping to catch sight of you at least
with a corner of my eye.

EUGENE
Quite right that you waited. In the end, didn’t you get what you were
waiting for?

TATIANA
(Stops crying.)
Are you laughing at me? Making fun of me? Gene, I know it’s in the
past, but at least you can tell me now, why did you marry me?
 II-8

EUGENE
What do you mean by why? Everybody gets married sooner or later,
that’s how it is.

TATIANA
I ask you, why did you marry ME?

EUGENE
It’s time to get married, so I did.

TATIANA
I’m asking you about something else! Why ME? Why not someone
else?

EUGENE
Well, you know, some questions you ask… By the way, here you’re
abusing my relatives, hate them for no rhyme nor reason, and indeed
didn’t guess that we’ve stayed together for so many years precisely
thanks to them.

TATIANA
Ah, now it seems they helped! Heavens, some helpers! Nice
relatives…

EUGENE
Darn right, helpers! When I returned from training and told them about
Svetlana, none of them approved of my Moscow romance.
Immediately everyone started talking in unison about you. They
shamed me for not phoning or writing you, not even once. Mother
especially began seeing you only through rose-colored glasses. All the
time buzzing in my ears about how remarkable and diligent you were.
Not only were you studying by correspondence but had also arranged
to work in the district executive committee. She painted such
prospects for you, outlined such opportunities! Svetlana from Moscow
was out of the question…

TATIANA
(Exclaims)
Ah, so that’s it! That’s what’s it all about! And I was a fool, so
delighted when you turned up at last with a bouquet of roses! I
decided that my Gene missed me so much, that he was sick of the
long separation… What a fool I was! My Gene, it turns out, simply
didn’t want to let slip my opportunities and work prospects!

EUGENE
Why are you like this? You’re always twisting the facts.
 II-9

TATIANA
And how else? What do you want me to say to your revelations?

EUGENE
I’m already sorry that I told you the story. You somehow took
everything the wrong way… I’m not very good at talking about
feelings.

TATIANA
You’re not? All your life you’ve only been busy with long inane
speeches!

EUGENE
You’re so unfair! Don’t, Tanya. If you’ve problems, then first of all you
yourself are guilty. After all, my relatives never created problems for
us.

TATIANA
Then you tell more about how they helped us!

EUGENE
They most certainly did. And helped like relatives should. You at least
remember how we lived at Granny’s after our wedding…

TATIANA
(Holds her head with her hands.)
Оh-oh-oh! Don’t! Anything but that! Never remind me anymore about
life with your heretic granny!

EUGENE
(Sternly)
We have freedom of worship. One can worship the way one wants…and
one can believe what one wants. Granny’s faith was her own, it’s her
right and not for you to judge. After all, you don’t believe in anything.

TATIANA
I don’t judge her for her faith! To tell you the truth, I absolutely don’t
give a damn if she danced naked around a barrel of water in the company
of those like her, loonies…

EUGENE
Stop it! And I would ask you to stop that tone.

TATIANA
Oh, how fastidious you are! Don’t like my tone, see! Not just the words
 II-10

I say but even the tone with which I say them!

EUGENE
Enough! You’re shouting like a fishwife!

TATIANA
And what are you? Oh, yes, I forgot, you’re our wunderkind professor!
How can we compare with you! Don’t we ever know such professors…
poor excuse of a professor! Probably, the little Jesus? And what’s
Granny? The Holy Virgin? Isn’t that what they call themselves when
babies are born after cult orgies?

EUGENE
(Pats TATIANA on the cheek.)
Silly! Don’t say things that you don’t know and don’t understand!

TATIANA
(Pushes EUGENE away.)
Are you nuts? And don’t you dare touch me! Yes, I don’t know and I
don’t want to know! I didn’t take part in cult orgies and didn’t dance
naked around a barrel of water! And I’ll never have a kind word for
your rotten granny as long as I live!

EUGENE
How mean you are! Why do you hate Granny so? She’s already been
dead for so many years…

TATIANA
So she’s dead, so what? Did she become better because of it perhaps?
Do you think I’ve forgotten what she was up to at night while we were
living with her? Do you think I’ve forgotten how she opened our
bedroom door at night and stood there? And she stood there, stood
there all night! Only where did the old woman find her strength? Even
now sometimes, when we go to bed I can still see her silhouette in the
dark. Standing and watching, watching, watching… What did she want
from us? I don’t know. I only know that all our troubles with kids were
because of her, because of the old witch…

EUGENE
Aren’t you ashamed! What did she have to do with it? As if it’s she and
not you who took it into your head to take the road test when you’re
finally pregnant. Have you forgotten how you had a miscarriage right
at the wheel during the test? Have you forgotten how much shame I
had to endure because of this? They showed me sympathy to my face
and then sniggered behind my back… And all because of your
ambition! Started to pose as a businesswoman driving around!
 II-11

TATIANA
I see no connection.

EUGENE
What do you mean no connection? Have you forgotten how scared the
instructor was that he started to phone around to everybody after he
brought you to the hospital? What fellow in his place wouldn’t be
scarred? Everybody was informed! Even managed to call my boss and
told him everything!

TATIANA
He’s obligated to make arrangements.

EUGENE
I don’t know what he’s obligated to do but after that, management’s
attitude towards me sharply changed…and the staff’s too. Anyone
would approach me and ask how you were doing. I turned into a true
laughing-stock!

TATIANA
I see nothing shameful or ridiculous if a collective cares about a
colleague.

EUGENE
They care so much that they come up to you and ask with the most
innocent expression, “Excuse me, Gene, but I heard that you’ve
changed the theme of your dissertation theme? Is it really called The
Influence of Shock Wave on Pregnancy now?”

TATIANA
You’re lying! They couldn’t have said that to you! You made it up!

EUGENE
I wish. No, my dear, I didn’t. That incident puzzled a lot of people.

TATIANA
Look who’s talking! Indeed! So, I puzzled people? You’re ashamed
because of me? And you’re never to blame? Even a cow would make
noise, but you’re silent! In fact, your own actions not only bewilder
people, sometimes they simply bowl them over!

EUGENE
What actions? I didn’t notice any such thing myself… Honest to God, I
can’t remember doing anything out of the ordinary. On the contrary,
you must agree, my motto is “moderation and accuracy.”
 II-12

TATIANA
Don’t make yourself up to be so holy, you rotten hypocrite! You may
be able to fool others, it doesn’t turn out badly for you…but you’re not
hearing another word from me.

EUGENE
Come on, let’s have it! You started talking, so finish it. Why keep it
back…well? I’m waiting.

TATIANA
You want to hear about yourself? So listen! You say I should be
ashamed for the miscarriage in the car? What about you? You never
once visited me in the hospital after that! Am I wrong? Perhaps you’re
spending days and nights under the windows like all the other, normal
husbands? Maybe I simply didn’t notice you there?

EUGENE
And what would I be doing there, at that hospital? Think for yourself,
how could I help? All the same, I couldn’t help you there. Besides, you
know very well I can’t bear the smell of a hospital… And in general
they don’t allow men in there.

TATIANA
Are you aware of what you’re saying? I was left there absolutely alone
by my living husband!

EUGENE
Don’t be silly. How could you be alone if your mother was there all the
time? And quite reasonable too, whereas I don’t understand what you
needed me there for.

TATIANA
You really don’t understand? Don’t you understand? So that you could
give me moral support at least! So that I wouldn’t do anything to
myself!

EUGENE
What could you have done to yourself?

TATIANA
I could take my own life! You can’t imagine what state I was in then!

EUGENE
Postnatal depression. Now you’re trying to make me believe that you
would commit suicide.
 II-13

TATIANA
You can’t imagine how bad I felt!

EUGENE
Naturally. How could you feel good if you’re in a hospital? If a person
feels fine then he wouldn’t be in a hospital.

TATIANA
No. I see you don’t want to understand me.

EUGENE
I understand your words as you say them to me.

TATIANA
It’s not only the words but the feelings!

EUGENE
I’m not empathic, I don’t have the ability to read feelings.

TATIANA
To tell the truth, you don’t have the ability for anything at all!

EUGENE
Then I wonder, why are you with me if I’m so useless?

TATIANA
You’re cold and insensitive!

EUGENE
Especially if I’m so cold and insensitive?

TATIANA
You’re my husband…

EUGENE
Does it mean much to you?

TATIANA
What?

EUGENE
To have a husband.

TATIANA
I don’t understand what you’re driving at.
 II-14

EUGENE
I want to know whether you need me as I am or you only need a
husband as a social status. And whether I, Eugene Gennadevich
Morozov, by and large suit you in the capacity of this status.

(TATIANA comes over to EUGENE and stares into his eyes for a
long time.)

TATIANA
Gene, what’s the matter with you? Why do you want to say these
things?

EUGENE
(Distinctly)
No-thing. Just nothing.

TATIANA
How could such nonsense get into your head?

EUGENE
Unfortunately, Tanya, it’s not nonsense. They are the fruits of
continuous reflections.

TATIANA
Leave these fruits to yourself! If you weren’t my husband but only a
status, as you put it, then why would I want to have children with you?

EUGENE
The conversation is not about that.

TATIANA
But it is! Exactly about that! About everything that was between us!
Don’t you remember how much I had to go through before we finally
got our son?

EUGENE
Don’t pour salt on my wound! If our son was so dear to you, why
didn’t you look after him? Why did he die so senselessly? Indeed,
you’re his mother! How could you let that happen?

TATIANA
And you dare blame me for this? How you can…

EUGENE
Because I’m still having a hard time with it now! I suffer so much from
 II-15

the loss! Sometimes I look at my hands and I remember. I see our

little Vanya, rocking him in my arms… And suddenly, I come to as if
being kicked… I drive away these memories, but the pain… I’ll never
forget the things associated with him… And don’t remind me!

TATIANA
(Surprised)
Gene, I didn’t know you’re still experiencing the loss of our son. I
thought it’s all in the past.

EUGENE
If you thought about our baby a little more while he was alive, you
wouldn’t have to think of my suffering now!

TATIANA
So do you consider that I’m guilty in everything?

EUGENE
Who else? Who should have noticed that the child was seriously ill, if
not his mother?

TATIANA
What are you saying? I called the doctor right away!

EUGENE
Not right away…not right away but the next morning. And what doctor
was that! Some quack of your acquaintance who couldn’t even make
the correct diagnosis…

TATIANA
Gene!

EUGENE
Gene what? Am I wrong? If you had called an ambulance at least that
night, they could have saved him still, as it was…it was already too
late.

TATIANA
Why didn’t you call an ambulance? You’re his father after all! Why did
you just stroll from corner to corner all the time while I was losing my
mind with fear?

EUGENE
That’s true, definitely lost your mind! Had to have this bright idea to
grab the sick kid and rush all over town to your mother!
 II-16

TATIANA
And you’re reproaching me for this? Then, I simply couldn’t think of
anything better!

EUGENE
And you finally killed him with it.

TATIANA
You…you…you’re a monster!

EUGENE
And I hear this from a monster.

TATIANA
Do you want to convince me that you adored our little Vanya? Allow
me not to believe you! I can’t remember the slightest feeling on your
part for him while he was alive! You even left the city when he was
just about to be born!

EUGENE
So? I didn’t go to a resort. I had some very important business in
Moscow then.

TATIANA
I know all about your business! Better tell me what kind of business
you had when you brought a bouquet of artificial flowers to the
maternity ward? Exactly like bringing a wreath to a funeral! My mother
instantly told me then that it wasn’t a good sign, that the child
wouldn’t live long.

EUGENE
What’s with the flowers now? I already explained to you that I specially
bought them in Moscow, at the corporate chain. I purposely bought
you these flowers to surprise you, they don’t wilt like fresh ones…

TATIANA
Are you crazy? Do you really not know that you don’t bring artificial
flowers to a maternity ward?

EUGENE
Why?

TATIANA
Because it’s not nice!

EUGENE
 II-17

Nonsense…some prejudice.

TATIANA
Not prejudice, but custom!

EUGENE
Who thought up such customs?

TATIANA
People! People thought up such customs!

EUGENE
What people? Yours or mine?

TATIANA
You know, Gene, sometimes it seems I simply hate you.

EUGENE
That’s not news to me. I’ve known for a long time your true feelings
for me.

TATIANA
No, you don’t! You know nothing!

EUGENE
Yes, Tanya, I do. I know everything all right. Only with such feelings for
your lawful wedded husband would you behave this way.
(Points at the pile of dug up dirt.)
Would have to think up something like this! Burying money in the
ground on the sly! And I bet you didn’t do it alone.

TATIANA
What’s the difference to you whether I did it alone or not? If someone
helped me, it doesn’t mean someone very close to me.

EUGENE
Burying money with a stranger without saying a word to your lawful
husband! How could you think of it? How can you not be ashamed?

TATIANA
And do you think I could act differently? Do you think I should have
informed you? It’s never any use relying on you! Not a damn thing!
And you know it yourself… Though for a long time any child should
know perfectly well that one can’t earn such riches the entire life in
such rotten department like ours.
 II-18

EUGENE
So where did you get it from?

TATIANA
Gene, why do you need to know? It seems to me that unnecessary
knowledge is of no use to you.

EUGENE
Please, I’m not insisting. Besides, if it has disappeared…

TATIANA
It can’t have disappear anywhere. Either we still haven’t found it or…

EUGENE
What if we can’t find it at all? Can you get out of this situation
somehow?

TATIANA
You’re crazy! How can I get out of it if only just the necklace is worth
almost a million?

EUGENE
(With suspicion)
A million? One million rubles?

TATIANA.
Why rubles? If it were rubles then there wouldn’t be any problems…
No, Gene, not rubles but dollars.

EUGENE
(Dumbfounded)
W-what? One million dollars?
(Pause.)
But where did you get it?
(Pause.)
Is it yours?

TATIANA
That’s the problem, it’s not mine. If it were only my money there, but
that’s not what it’s about. Returning the necklace is critical, you
understand, critical! Otherwise, it’s curtains for us. Okay, enough
chitchat, let’s dig.

EUGENE
No need.
 II-19

TATIANA
W-what? What are you saying?

EUGENE
I said, no need to dig anymore.

TATIANA
And I say, dig if you want to stay alive!

EUGENE
No, there’s nothing there.

TATIANA
What, are you tired of living?

EUGENE
Tanya, don’t shout.

TATIANA
Dig, told you to!

EUGENE
No need to shout, listen to what I have to say. We’ve already dug out
your treasure.

TATIANA
How? Who?

EUGENE
Smolin and I.

TATIANA
(Sits down shocked.)
How? You and Smolin? But where is it? Where’s the necklace?

EUGENE
Tanya, don’t worry. I’ve taken the money. True, I don’t have it now,
but basically it’s possible to return it…

TATIANA
(Shouts.)
The necklace! Where’s the necklace?

EUGENE
I don’t know. Probably, Smolin has it.
 II-20

TATIANA
What do you mean “probably”?

EUGENE
He’s going to take it to a dealer. But I don’t exactly know, I haven’t
seen him for some days…

TATIANA
And you won’t see him, you idiot! Go find him now! Find him while he’s
still alive!

EUGENE
(Leaving.)
Okay, okay, only don’t you worry…

TATIANA
Oh God! We are lost, absolutely lost… But it can’t be! It’s unfair! No!
Everything will be fine… Everything must be settled somehow…
 III-1

Act Three
The curtain rises on late night. TATIANA sits
alone on the broken fence.

TATIANA
How bad…oh God, how bad I feel! What should I do? If only Gene
would make it… If only it wouldn’t fall through… But what if Smolin
doesn’t want to give it back? Okay, that’s not the most important now,
the main thing is that he hasn’t had time to take it anywhere. He
shouldn’t have any idea of its real worth…
(Looks at her watch.)
No time to spare… Where’s Gene? Why is it taking him so long? What
if he won’t come back at all? No, better not think about it… But how
can I not think about it? Oh God, must pull myself together… I wonder
what I would do in his place… Not easy to answer. On one hand, the
wife at the cottage has gotten into serious trouble. On the other hand,
it’s a decent sum of money, and probably even the necklace. Not a
necklace but a whole fortune! If you pretend that the wife’s problems
don’t concern you, keep the money. Probably a huge amount of
money… But there’s another way out of the situation developing: help
the wife…though in fact, there’s no time to help. As a result, all the
same he’ll be left with no wife and definitely no money… Yes…must
admit, a rather poor choice. In his place, perhaps I’d prefer the first
alternative… Well, soon I’ll have to make my choice too…though, what
choice is there! Of course, I’ll have to tell them everything, I simply
have no way out anymore. After all, it’s not my fault that Gene and
Smolin decided to hunt for treasure! What if I don’t tell them anything
at all? Pretend that I know nothing. That someone broke in without our
knowledge and…then suspicion would naturally fall onto Alex…yes,
that’s how it’ll be…pity the guy, of course… But why feel sorry for
him? He’s already been abroad for a few months, with luck, they can’t
get to him…for the time being… But if he’s abroad, how could he be
digging at my cottage? Оh, I’m completely confused! Lord, if only it
were over…

(The sound of an approaching car.)

TATIANA (continued)
Who’s there? Gene, is that you?
(Exits in a rush and soon enters together with EUGENE.)
At last! Thank God… Lord, Gene, what took you so long!

EUGENE
(Exhausted)
 III-2

Tanya…

TATIANA
What, Gene?

EUGENE
Tanya…

TATIANA
Well, what? Talk! Say it quickly!

EUGENE
Wait, Tanya…sit down, please.

TATIANA
Why? I don’t want to sit.

EUGENE
You had better sit down and take something.

TATIANA
What? Why?

EUGENE
Anything…so that you won’t feel bad. Sit down.

TATIANA
I won’t sit! I’ve already sat too long waiting for you!

EUGENE
Still, it’s better to sit down and relax.

TATIANA
How can I relax if you won’t tell me anything? If you won’t tell me now
how it went with you, then I’ll really feel bad and faint!

EUGENE
Don’t faint…wait…I just can’t pull myself together… You know, it’s
hard for me to talk about this…

TATIANA
Do you want to say that you’ve spent all that time for nothing? That
you went to town on a wild goose chase?
 III-3

EUGENE
No, not for nothing…only…only…

TATIANA
Only what? Only what? Tell me, did you see Smolin? Did you ask him
about the necklace?

EUGENE
I saw him, but I couldn’t ask…

TATIANA
Why? Why not?

EUGENE
Because…because…

TATIANA
Can’t you talk normally? Can’t you at least do it without these mumble
jumble of yours?

EUGENE
You’re interrupting me all the time! I only open my mouth and you
interrupt me…won’t let me concentrate…gather my thoughts…

TATIANA
Listen, don’t tick me off! If you don’t tell me now where you saw
Smolin, then I…I simply don’t know what I’ll do with you! Talk! Where?

EUGENE
In the morgue!

TATIANA.
(Surprised)
In the morgue? What’s he doing there? Psychoanalyzing why his last
patient committed suicide?

EUGENE
Why are you like this? Boris was a good psychiatrist.

TATIANA
That’s exactly it, “was”! When he issued certificates to traffic cops!
But it seemed too dull to him. “You know, I want to adapt Freud to our
circumstances!” Well, and how well are our people adjusting to Freud?
Or can’t stand it and die with the speed of a million a year?
 III-4

EUGENE
You understand nothing, absolutely nothing about it!

TATIANA
You understand a lot, you’re my Oedipus complex, half-baked!

EUGENE
And what are you? Death wish perhaps?

TATIANA
Why am I death wish?

EUGENE
If not death wish, what motivates you all these years? What forces you
to get involved in these shady business and questionable deals?
Besides, you even suck in others!

TATIANA
What are you talking about? Do you think I really need this for myself?
I simply had to do it!

EUGENE
Why? Who forces you?

TATIANA
And you’re still asking! Are you ready to give up your comfy life now?
Would you agree to huddle again in some corner or some broken-down
tenement? Turn down nice foreign cars? High fashion? Fine dining?
Vacationing in the Canary Islands? Well, why keep quiet? Maybe I’m
wrong and all these things mean nothing to you? Perhaps you’re
above all that? Somehow, I haven’t noticed that. On the contrary, I see
how much you like them. Who doesn’t like them…

EUGENE
Is that so?

TATIANA
Yes, it’s to everyone’s taste!

EUGENE
Including your father?

TATIANA
Why my father?

EUGENE
 III-5

Besides, didn’t you get him into one of your adventures too?

TATIANA
What adventure?

EUGENE
The one that ended with him burned alive in our old cottage…

TATIANA
What nonsense are you spieling? It was an accident! Some drivel you
utter…

EUGENE
Aha, telling fairy tales, accident indeed! A new legend, but hard to
believe. Who then bolted the door on the outside? You don’t believe
that yourself! Not without reason you tried to hush it up afterwards…

TATIANA
Shut up! Don’t you know the cops? All the same they couldn’t find
anybody, only wreck our nerves for nothing…

EUGENE
I don’t believe you! I don’t believe a single word from you! In fact,
Tanya, we were to spend the night at the cottage then! Do you want
to say that you’ve already forgotten about that Saturday? But I’ll never
forget it! And I assume it’s not your father but us who should be
burned alive there.

TATIANA
Don’t babble nonsense! Nobody could lift a finger against us then!

EUGENE
Aha! So, it was only a warning to you then? Know your right place?
You know, stay on your side of the fence…

TATIANA
Wow, how you’re talking! Suddenly become so quick on the uptake!
Start to understand things differently.

EUGENE
If you’ve seen with your own eyes what they did to Smolin, you too
would probably start to understand many things differently!

TATIANA
What did they do to him?
 III-6

EUGENE
Hasn’t it sunk in yet? Killed him, that’s what!

TATIANA
Who?

EUGENE
How do I know who? And what difference does it make who.

TATIANA
But the necklace? Where is the necklace?

EUGENE
There now, showing your true color. You only care about money,
nothing else but money.

TATIANA
Money? I care least of all about the money! I want to know where’s the
necklace?

EUGENE
I don’t know.

TATIANA
Fine. If you say Smolin is dead, isn’t there any chance of searching his
place?

EUGENE
What for?

TATIANA
What for?! Where else could the necklace be hidden of not at his
place? He couldn’t have known its real worth…

EUGENE
Most likely, he had time to find out… There’s no necklace at his
place…
(Sobs.)
And no more Smolin…there’s no one left for me…how can I go on? I
don’t know how...

TATIANA
Stop whining! You’re a man, aren’t you? We’ll all die some day.

EUGENE
(Sobbing.)
 III-7

All the same I’ll never forgive you for this…

TATIANA
What do I have to do with this? I didn’t dig out other people’s things.
You’d better tell me, could Smolin have hidden the necklace
somewhere else? In the garage, or the car?

EUGENE
Yes, he could have, only it’s nowhere to be found, understand,
nowhere.

TATIANA
Why are you so sure?

EUGENE
And what do you think I was doing, spending so much time in town?

TATIANA
How would I know what you were doing? You don’t give me a report.

EUGENE
I went through all the corners at Smolin’s! The garage, the car, the
apartment…

TATIANA
Wait! How could you get into his apartment?

EUGENE
Like all people do, through the door. Do you think I go through a
window?

TATIANA
But who let you in? Perhaps he also took the necklace?

EUGENE
Who’s he?

TATIANA
He, she, what’s the difference?! The one who let you into Smolin’s
apartment.

EUGENE
Nobody let me in. You know he has lived alone for many years…had
lived, I mean.

TATIANA
 III-8

But how did you manage without a key? Wasn’t the door locked?

EUGENE
Why? I have keys.

TATIANA
(Surprised)
You have the keys to his apartment?

EUGENE
Why does this surprise you? Smolin gave them to me.

TATIANA
This is hard to believe! Again you’re pulling my leg, Gene! Smolin
wouldn’t even let anybody near his apartment, he was so afraid for his
collection. Even his close relatives couldn’t just drop in. He’s a very
cautious fellow, trusted no one.

EUGENE
(Sadly)
Yes…he was…cautious… Have to agree with that…

TATIANA
Well, then! Why did he give you keys to his apartment? For the sake of
what?

EUGENE
We were friends.

TATIANA
So what? We have lots of friends all over the world. Does that mean
we’d give everyone keys to our home?

EUGENE
We were very close friends.

TATIANA
What do you mean very close? I don’t understand you. How close?

EUGENE
No one closer.

TATIANA
No, I definitely don’t understand you.

EUGENE
 III-9

We were very close to each other…closer than kin.

TATIANA
What? Closer than kin?

EUGENE
Closer.

TATIANA
How can that be? Who can be closer than kin?

EUGENE
Can’t you guess?

TATIANA
I was always certain that only a love one can be closer than kin. For
me it’s the axiom.

EUGENE
Very true, the axiom for me too…

(TATIANA stares at her husband and slowly sits down.)

TATIANA
You want to say that…

EUGENE
Yes, that’s right.

TATIANA
No, it’s already too much for one day. No!

EUGENE
Yes Tanya, you understood me correctly.

TATIANA
No! It can’t be! No! No!

EUGENE
Tanya, don’t scream. What’s there to hide now that he’s no longer
around…

TATIANA
So, you mean you and Smolin were… Oh Lord, what a nightmare!
What horror! What shame…
 III-10

EUGENE
Don’t shout, Tanya. We loved each other. Try to understand this.

TATIANA
Loved? You said, loved.

EUGENE
Yes.

TATIANA
You want to say that you were lovers?

EUGENE
I told you that we loved each other. Why don’t you want to understand
this?

TATIANA
But how can it be? How could you? You…you’re a normal guy!

EUGENE
Of course, normal…

TATIANA
In the sense that you’re a man!

EUGENE
Well, a man, so? What else?

TATIANA
You’re my husband! And suddenly you’re raving!

EUGENE
Why have you decided that I’m raving? Because I cheated on you? And
haven’t you cheated on me? Not once, not twice…

TATIANA
There’s no comparison!

EUGENE
Who told you there isn’t? Where exactly do you see the difference?
Isn’t it, in essence, one and the same?

TATIANA
(Confused)
Are you joking? You’re really serious about this? How can it be the
same? How is it not different? Of course, there’s a difference! A big
 III-11

difference! The difference is between a man and a woman…

EUGENE
You want to know what’s the difference? The difference between us
specifically? Fine, I’ll tell you. Only first answer one question. Tell me,
have you loved at least one of these, your, former…well, you know
what I mean.

TATIANA
Loved?! You’ve got to be kidding! What love, I don’t even remember
them!

EUGENE
There, there, that’s it, I thought so. But Smolin and I loved each other.
Understand this, we were in love, and that’s the difference… Yes, I
loved him and don’t know how I can live without him…

TATIANA
Oh God, again this blue love…what abomination! And since when...
(Laughs spitefully.)
did you change color?

EUGENE
(Screws up his face.)
Stop. Don’t try to offend me, else…

TATIANA
I’m not trying. Why should I offend you? I simply can’t wrap my brain
around it… You’re not pulling my leg?

EUGENE
Now’s not quite the time for it. I’ve told you the truth as it is.

TATIANA
Why tell me this truth? If it’s the truth, then it’s absolutely of no use to
me… No, all the same I don’t believe you. Holy cow, you’re making it
all up!

EUGENE
You don’t have to believe me, but I didn’t lie to you.

TATIANA
Yes, you’re lying! You’re lying! Well, fine, let’s suppose I believe you,
let’s suppose it’s the truth. Tell me, when did it start? Ah, you’re
silent! Can’t think on your feet?
 III-12

EUGENE
Do you remember how right after our wedding my father went to
America?

TATIANA
To America?

EUGENE
Yes, when he went there for the first time, on business, remember?

TATIANA
When was that? During the Stagnation Era, perhaps? Well, what then?
What does America have to do with you and Smolin?

EUGENE
Do you remember the stories he told when he returned from there?

TATIANA
Have to remember all kinds of nonsense! Where haven’t we been to
since then, what’s America to us?

EUGENE
Still, you remember.

TATIANA
You know, only his silly stories about horror movies remain in my
memory. That is, not about the movies but how he saw them there for
the first time in his life, and he was so frightened that he almost peed
in his pants. How he locked himself in his hotel room and didn’t sleep
all night, jumping from every little sound…

EUGENE
He didn’t only watch horror movies there.

TATIANA
Well, clearly it wasn’t only horror movies he saw.

EUGENE
Exactly, not just horror movies. Also didn’t just bring home horror
movie cassettes from there.

TATIANA
Cassettes? I don’t remember anything about any cassettes.

EUGENE
Father told no one and showed nobody.
 III-13

TATIANA
How then did you find out?

EUGENE
Wait. Do you remember that time he also brought me a leather coat?

TATIANA
The coat I remember. Remember very well. It was a very posh coat for
the time.

EUGENE
Yes. Do you remember the cut of that coat?

TATIANA
Yes, vaguely.

EUGENE
That’s it, Tanya. May even say it all began with that coat. Father
bought it by chance, in a special store. A misunderstanding, certainly.
How could he have known? Besides, those were times when we didn’t
talk about such things aloud. But Smolin quickly paid attention to it.
He asked me once very discreetly, you know, why was I wearing such a
coat? Was I looking for a friend perhaps?

TATIANA
Huh?! Did he really ask you that right away?

EUGENE
No, of course not right away. I would say it’s all very low-key and
under-the-table on his part.

TATIANA
What was your answer?

EUGENE
To tell you the truth, then I didn’t even understand what he was
hinting at. Later he advised me to look for magazines and cassettes
that my father might have brought home. Smolin knew about such
shops abroad and what’s on sale in them.

TATIANA
And you searched your father’s things! Papa raised a good kid,
wouldn’t tell a soul!

EUGENE
 III-14

Away with you! What search? There was no search; I just came across
the cassettes by chance. So, I found them and asked father to give
them to me to watch with friends.

TATIANA
And father let you?

EUGENE
Why not? By that time, I was quite grown-up and already understood
what’s what; besides, married…

TATIANA
To me.

EUGENE
What “to me”?

TATIANA
Married to me.

EUGENE
Yes, well, true, married to you. Only this fact actually didn’t play any
role. You were pregnant then, and later were in the hospital for a long time.
In short, we weren’t intimate during that period…

TATIANA
What are you saying, Gene! Well, what are you saying! Are you at
least aware of what you’re saying?

EUGENE
I must say it openly, at last. Perhaps, for the first time in my life. At
least, to myself…

TATIANA
Not to yourself but to me! And it’s not speaking out you want but
making excuses for yourself!

EUGENE
I’m not making excuses to you. I don’t want to make excuses but to
explain…

TATIANA
What do you want to explain to me? That I was a fool? That I was
married to a pervert all these years?

EUGENE
 III-15

I’m not a pervert!

TATIANA
And what are you if not a pervert? You need a psychiatrist! He would
assess you promptly, as needed! And would treat you at the same
time, so that after treatment you… so that there wouldn’t have any
trace of homosexuality left in you!

EUGENE
Don’t forget, Smolin was a psychiatrist. And highly respected too, by
the way…

TATIANA
Highly respected, Indeed! As crazy as his patients! A man is known by
the friends he keeps! A damn pervert, that’s whom your beloved
Smolin was!

EUGENE
Don’t you dare speak badly of him!

TATIANA
What, do you think I should glorify him? Sing odes of praise in his
honor for making my husband abnormal?

EUGENE
He didn’t make me anything!

TATIANA
Aha, he didn’t… Do you want to say that you were always like that?
But didn’t you say that you didn’t even think of such things until you
found your father’s cassettes?

EUGENE
Yes…perhaps that’s how it was.

TATIANA
So, you watch those cassettes there and they so influenced you that
you…that you…heck, there’s no word for it, how disgusting!

EUGENE
Don’t, Tanya. It’s not the cassettes. There was nothing much in them.
At least, not much more than what they show on TV now. It’s simply
once at Smolin’s place…

TATIANA
So it was at his place?
 III-16

EUGENE
No. Simply once, I went to his place to have a beer. Well, we drank
and drank and drank…fooling around, having fun, playing the movies
a hundred times, and didn’t even notice how the day passed. We
finished all the beer, went out, got some more, and decided to
continue. Only this time not at home but at the cottage.

TATIANA
Whose cottage?

EUGENE
Ours, of course. You know that Smolin had no cottage. At our old
cottage, the one that burned down.

TATIANA
What the…

EUGENE
Yes. We just made the last train. Imagine, we were all alone in the car,
darkness outside the windows, and they didn’t announce the stops. In
short, we missed the stop. Jumped out at the next one, ran back
through the woods. It was so dark and terrifying at night that we didn’t
walk but ran! We ran at night through the woods, all alone, in the dark,
with a case of beer! Can you imagine?

TATIANA
I can imagine…at least, no, I can’t!

EUGENE
Tsk-tsk, you have a weak imagination. How we bolted back, ran and
couldn’t feel our legs! We were terrified then…and felt ridiculous. It
was both funny and horrifying, all the time it seemed someone was
chasing us.

TATIANA
Now this I can imagine very well. You’re never noted for your bravery,
Gene.

EUGENE
We ran to the cottage and saw that no one was there. No light in the
windows and the door was locked. What to do? I’ve left the key at
home! We went around, around, didn’t want to break down the door. It
was already getting cold. I said to him, “Let’s go to the bathhouse, it’s
not locked.”
 III-17

TATIANA
To the bathhouse? At night?

EUGENE
What else could we do? Go back to town on foot? Well, then we got a
fire going in the bathhouse… We had lots of beer with us… We felt so
good...

TATIANA
Good? In what sense?

EUGENE
Don’t interrupt. Can’t you listen to me till the end? For me, it had
never felt and will never feel so good with anybody else… We sat close
together in the bathhouse, feeling relaxed with the heat and the beer,
chattering about this and that…all over again about how we ran
through the woods in the dark, scared… Little by little, we moved onto
the movies we had been watching all day…started to recollect the
details… I already don’t remember how we started touching each
other. It turned out to be so pleasant…surprisingly pleasant…

TATIANA
And then? What did you do after that?

EUGENE
What do people do in similar situations?

TATIANA
For how long?

EUGENE
Until we fell asleep.

TATIANA
What happened afterwards?

EUGENE
Next morning we felt somewhat uneasy…at least I did. Not a word was
mentioned about what happened the night before. We drunk tea in
silence, he left, and I after him. Immediately I was away on business.
Thought somehow everything would be forgotten by itself. But no, I
actually tried but could not forget. All the time I was thinking of
Smolin…was suffering a lot. You can’t imagine how much! At last, I
was so exhausted that I went to a doctor. Wanted his advice but
plainly couldn’t explain anything to him. Not enough courage. He only
understood from my words that I was having some problems with sex.
 III-18

He advised me not to worry, to wait for the birth of the child, and then
everything would take care of itself.

TATIANA
And then? And then?

EUGENE
And then? You know how it was with us after that. After little Vanya’s
birth everything finally broke down between us…there was no more
harmony in our intimate life.

TATIANA
Now I’m beginning to understand whose fault it wasn’t.

EUGENE
It’s nobody’s fault. Simply that’s how our life unfolded.

TATIANA
Our life?

EUGENE
Do you remember how after little Vanya’s death we started to drift
apart? They began to hint to me that you had someone else, then
another. They pitied me and called you a bitch behind your back but it
was already unnecessary. In fact, such a state of affairs suited me just
fine.

TATIANA
Now I understand the reason for it… But Gene, did it ever occur to you
that I had others only to get a bit of feeling out of you? At least show a
little drop of jealousy!

EUGENE
In vain. You hadn’t noticed how you had begun to acquire a taste for
it. But others did. As for me, it didn’t matter any more. Eventually
Smolin and I became close friends, our relationship took shape, and
everything suited me…and most probably you too. And if you weren’t
caught up by some absolutely mad thirst for money, then these our…

TATIANA
Then these unrepentant sins of yours would continue forever!

EUGENE
What unrepentant sins? There was no need to bury treasures in the
ground!
 III-19

TATIANA
Aha, no need! Still tell me to give them to you for safekeeping!

EUGENE
It would have been safer at least!

TATIANA
So, you dug them out in order to hide them somewhere safer? Then where
are they? Where? What haven’t I seen them yet? Why don’t you bring
them here before it’s too late?

EUGENE
We didn’t dig them out on purpose! We just came across them by
chance when changing the fence…

TATIANA
And decided to pocket them! Not even a word to your wife!

EUGENE
Not to pocket but to divide. I took the money and Smolin the necklace
in order to sell to people he knew. Who could have known it would turn
out like this? There was no need to bury them on the sly…nothing like
this would have happened then…
(Sobs quietly.)
If you’d only told me…

TATIANA
Fancy that, how clever! Tell you… I didn’t even tell Alex what we were
burying! Though lately we’re rather close enough. Had to fool him that
I was burying money and some documents in case of a divorce.

EUGENE
Who cares why and whom you tried to fool, Alex or Malex. Now you
won’t be able to set things right, already too late…

(There are sounds of cars approaching. Headlights pierce the

darkness.)

TATIANA
Yes, likely you’re right. Too late.

EUGENE
(Alarmed)
What’s that there? Whose visitors so late?

TATIANA
 III-20

I guess, ours.

EUGENE
(Scared)
What? Do you want to say that it’s…they’re coming after you?

(TATIANA exits into the darkness and returns.)

TATIANA
It’s them. They’ll be here.

EUGENE
Then we can’t stay here! Quick, Tanya, let’s go!

TATIANA
Where to, Gene? Where can we go?

EUGENE
Anywhere! As long as it’s far from here!

TATIANA
Where can we go, Gene? Do you think it’s all raving madness, do you
still not understand it?

EUGENE
Raving madness? Isn’t everything that has happened to us raving madness?

TATIANA
Then our whole life is madness.

EUGENE
Then we’ll run far away from this madness!

(EUGENE grabs TATIANA’s hand. Voices and approaching footsteps are

heard.)

End