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PROLOGUE
Today is the Tenth day. It feels as if I have hit a decade of sleepless nights
though, it is not like that I was waiting for it to happen or something but it can
I never knew that sleeping had phases and moods until today. It started with
an unknown excitement. The first day was filled with fun, no sleep night. Eve-
rything was so new that I enjoyed being up the first day. It was the first time in
this twenty four years old life I had lived until today.
Whenever I used to lay down trying to sleep, coincidently a buzz on phone used
to make me comeback from the slight sleep trance I used to taste after hours of
turning and tossing. Texting, Reading forward messages, chatting over phone
with friends for long hours and keeping them up just because I wasn’t able to
sleep.
DAY ONE: 2 am
NOSTALGIA
It was good fun, in fact made me connect to a lot of old left out friends, some of
those with whom I fought ages back and now I didn’t even remember why we
fought in the first place and also those who were left out just because I never
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cared to reply to their dropped text or never called back to the missed calls. So
when I analyzed the experience of this very day, I realized that a single sleep-
less night made me gain something. Still dilemma was there, “Is it worth ex-
The second day was kind of special, fourteenth February, endorsement of love,
privileged individuals tried to express that this is the day when people can fall
in love, when love is in the air ,etc, etc. Somehow this “day” phenomena never
made sense to me. Love is in the air all the time, it is omnipresent isn’t it? Then
do lovers wear some special breathing nasals to feel and smell it or what today?
Whatever it was another consecutive day with “No sleep”. To be honest, second
day was less exciting but it induced more curiosity in me, a curiosity to know if
I can stay awake until 48 hours without even a min of sleep? You can call me
DAY THREE: 2 am
started to hurt. It felt like someone is stepping on them to crush them, but the
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funny part was as soon as that “someone” was close to accomplish the task of
powdering them, it eased me. It was definitely a new phase, but I still doubted
if it was because of not sleeping for two to three days or it was just because of a
tiring day?
DAY FOUR: 4 am
BLINK! BLINK!!
BLINK!!
Eyes were starting to get weird now, a look in the mirror made me believe that
either they were going to squint or they were becoming extremely sensitive to
lights. Any lights seemed flashy lights now. A mobile camera flash was enough
Now the game was not physical it was trying to mess my brain and with my
dows seemed alive now; a slightest crunch of the dry leaves outside the window
made me scared like an infant baby. It was making me frustrated. Only God
could save them now who buzzed me at late hours, I know that it was wrong on
my part because earlier I didn't let them sleep only because I needed to talk,
but now I was getting so impatient that a ring sent me screaming back at them.
Rather than the usual “Hey, Wass Up?”, “How’s the night treating you?” I simp-
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ly ignored them for the sake of their own peace of mind. I felt guilty for my ac-
NUMBNESS
This was the day with the best phase so far, it was for that very reason I named
nothing mattered anymore. Eyes were watery from a longtime now so no spe-
cial sensation related to that but the only new change was that they were close
TRACE
TRACE OF SADISM
Laughing out, laughing out loud. That too on myself! Whole body was paining.
It was amazing to acknowledge that you tend to laugh more when you actually
have to cry out. Ironic?, Funny? Or Insane? , I think this is the phase of emo-
tional disturb.
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It isn’t like that all the time. I did not try to sleep or make an extra effort. I did
it all from - Hot milk to popping sleeping pills, but nothing worked and when it
did not, then all I was left was with my texts, chats and coffee. I tried some-
was surely the first time. I started stroking myself to make myself exhausted.
Never knew Physiologists in real world prescribed, Self Intimacy for sleeping.
This made me believe that in cases of extreme sleep recession, sleeping pills
will be definitely be replaced by self intimacy and I really pray that I am not
alive to see that day. Not only because it was a “most gross case” scenario ever
but also because, it wasn’t really helpful as a medicine. The funny thing about
this was that in the first dose, I didn’t even feel exhausted. After three shots
and half an hour of efforts I realized that the only effect it was doing it. It was
making me feel better pains in areas which I didn’t even know existed in my
5’9” structure.
Finally after nine days, today I am done with everything. The hope of even the
tiniest level has ended now. I don’t think I will be able to sleep, especially when
I have mastered the art of keeping myself awake. The mastery is no secret. It is
just too simple actually. It works just like a boomerang being thrown to a kid; if
he grabs it on the accurate time then he will be able to save his face from get-
ting stroked by it. If he misses it then, Ouch! In the process of being awake
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there was a time which usually sneaked in late at night around three to four,
and it lasted at least for an hour or so, if one wins over those few hours of
struggle, a struggle in which eyes became so heavy that start feeling that there
shutters are weighting hundreds of kilograms being put on your eyes. It was
crazy that I used to win this hours of fight every night which I no longer wanted
because now. All I wanted to do now was to bang my head against the wall be-
cause this head was blasting with an ache that was not fading even by a cent.
Atreyan
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CHAPTER: 1
Event Miss-
Miss-management
“At times when we sit down and think about how things are in our life,
and how they would have been only we would have responded in a particular
way. Nothing big was required just a few alterations and things would have
Precious life was an organization led by Dr.Shiv Pundit, they supposedly were
considered to be the best relief centre in India with an objective to spread the
healthy and harmonious way of living. They believed that youth is the most ac-
tive with the energy of life and that is why they focused on teaching them be-
fore anyone else. This was the reason why this teacher/orator was giving these
long speeches in Ravisha’s college, trying to gather followers and learners for
“Hmm...”
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“The belief that a single event in one’s life can change everything which comes
future, changing life. How can that be? Andrew asked Ravisha in a confused
tone
“Why cannot it be?” Ravisha replied with agitation building in her voice.
“I don’t know precisely but don’t you think that life is woven with a string of
events and incidents of the individual. Incidents and events which lead from
one to another, so somehow I can believe that an individual moment can have
“But Andrew...” Ravisha exclaimed. But before she could finish her sentence
“Look, I told you want I felt about it, and I really don’t want to get into any dis-
cussions on it, anyway I won’t be coming for these preach teach events any day
anymore.”
“But, you promised to come” She almost screamed while sitting in the middle of
“Shush! I said I would decide after the orientation, I never confirmed that I will
pinch almost scream. Ravisha’s anger was not out of proportion actually she
had all the right to pull Andrew as being one of the organizing panel member
and being the cultural secretary of the college. The event was in her college and
being an English Honors’ student of Delhi University he was more into being in
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events rather than watching the paint falling in the classroom. This event was
huge and held a specific place in her CV, Yes her CV. That was enough motiva-
tion for to pull out an event in which ten thousand people were expected to ar-
rive.
Huge companies were involved for the sponsorship and promotions and she
was responsible for bringing in maximum people but till the process was run-
ning lazy than it was expected to be. She had only recorded a response of fif-
teen hundred people which was only fifteen percent of what they panel and
committee was expecting to be. A lot of future aspects lingered on this event for
Ravisha. The event was scheduled to be on twenty fourth November two thou-
Ravisha was worried, anxious and restless to the core, in fact and hen who
knew that she is about to get slaughtered looked so much better than her the
“Hey RT, Relax, don’t get all hyper and stuff, so what if I am not coming, there
“RT” that is what we called her which was supposedly her nickname and in-
itials of her name as well, Ravisha Trivedi and as she believed, name of her
“Relax RT, you think I can’t catch your lies, and that too on this”
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“What is wrong with you Andrew? I said I am fine, how many times do I have to
say it to make you believe it?” She replied in an irritated yelling tone.
This made him have a moment of dullness on his face; he wasn’t expecting her
to be agitated and angry. She sensed that her outrage hit of him and it got ag-
gravated, she said “Ok, I am sorry; I am just worked up with the whole event
thing”
and you know the best part, all my friends are useless too. I have worked for
this event day and night and my handwork is just giving me hopeless blank
replies from people. The committee expects me to bring along ten thousand
people, now how can I force people to come, how to conceive people? You tell
me, When my own friends are not turning up to the “Stupid event” then how to
convince outsiders for it. I expected at least you to be understanding but even
“RT!!” he stretched his voice till his lungs swallowed. “You have always found
your way no matter what, from every crap that you had, you have come out of
it as a winner and now this event is getting on to your nerves? Just relax swee-
tie!”
“Please Andrew things don’t work like that, everything is not as easy as it
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calm her down but the reaction from her made the situation worse. Now it was
Andrew’s take.
“Look RT, you want me to console you and give you false hopes then I don’t
think that will work in this case. Haven’t you read the title of your own event?
Isn’t it all about believing in oneself and making it happen? Honestly RT if you
are working for it. You should believe in it as well. Don’t act like stupid crick-
eters and film stars who endorse anything without even relating to it.”
TTTRRRRRRRIIINNNGGGG…
Ravisha moves to her class and Andrew kick starts his Pulsar and moves for
“The Party”.
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CHAPTER: TWO
Andrew had to rush to defense colony to Atreyan’s flat for the party. The occa-
sion was special and not so special. Atreyan is a hotel management student
from IHM Pusa. He just successfully got promoted to second year. It was prob-
ably the last time he could spare a complete day for his friends and himself be-
“Hey buddy, what’s up?”Andrew screamed as a low hi, hello would have been
“I am cool man, just living the last day of life with you guys” he replied.
“Hey don’t say that, it sounds as if you are going to die tomorrow, it’s just an
“ You know Andy, I wish , I just wish that it would have been just an IT but it is
not like that and after what I have heard from my seniors and teachers it
means it sounds like much bigger deal than World War three.
“Atreyan now you are just exaggerating the whole thing, it can’t be that be bad
and if it is then how come your seniors and teachers got through it? May be it’s
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Atreyan shrugged, rushed his hands into his pockets and pulled out his train-
ing letter. He opened it right on his face and urged him to read it.
“Read this and you will understand why it is such a discussed issue. Nine
and what a stipend rupees Six hundred for a month and then you say it can’t
be that bad”.
“Ya, it can’t be that bad and I still stick to my statement, Atreyan don’t you re-
member Nair?”
“Atreyan, how can you forget him? He was another victim of training”
Nair , that is what he liked himself to called as , Satyam Nair was born and
was the only son of his parents; he loved the fact that he was pampered as a
heir of Alexander’s empire would have and for a person with a taste of leisure
and idling like him, he made all the effort to grab as much as he could from the
kingdom.
Being a coastal guy by descend he had a dusky toned skin and thick bone
structure , long hair and jaw line beard which made him look like a typical Hip-
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He loved hip-hop just like Wordsworth loved writing poetry. He carried it in his
ups and downs, high and lows along with his partner Exise (that was the nick-
name of his iPod, Existence.) He was pursuing his bachelor’s in mass commu-
Andrew was talking about him. He was a coincidental friend but after that the
way we bonded, still left us wondering that were friends also made in heaven
MAY 6, 2008
It was when our orders got switched with each other in coffee shop. He was
with his girl and I was with my school friends and honestly I was checking out
his girl and that’s why while walking towards our table with the order I didn’t
realize that this was the wrong order on the tray. Later when I realized the twist
in the order, I just wished that the lady of that table comes up for switching the
trays.
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CHAPTER: THREE
shop. Just after few minutes of couch hunting moments I and Andrew saw a
six feet tall guy approaching to our table with a tray filled our usual order, Café
Latte, Cheese and spinach sandwich and Oatmeal cookies. This is what I loved
about this place, they used to serve this café Latte in distinctive mugs which
had woolen hand knitted covers on them, whose prime objective was to keep
the coffee warm but delighted the feeling of hold the mug with it. It was a
soothing feeling, felt as if there can be nothing more pleasing and cozy than
that couch, coffee and a chick in the arm. Somehow I think even the owner of
the place knew that, that is why the place was named Three “C”, Coffee, Couch
and Cookies.
So this guy walks right across through our table, standing right on our heads
and seemed as if he was waiting for us to say something which was annoying
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He interrupted me in between the session of eye gazing that I was sharing with
the girl on his table. I was starting to feel that the tension I was feeling was
somehow mutual but as soon I was moving a step closer to surety this guy
“Oh! Is it? We are so sorry but almost half of this is already resting in our in-
“Really? So you want me to press it out of you, “Mr. Funny Guy””. He replied to
Andrew’s wit. He certainly didn’t seem entertained by the idea of using sarcasm
“Hey, Hey! Relax man; He was just trying to be friendly kind of stuck with the
habit. We are sorry. We didn’t realize that it was your order.” I tried to handle
“That’s Ok man, but I don’t think I will pay for the same order again. Anyways I
will take away I will take something else “He sounded agitated.
Who wouldn’t have been, we ate his cookies, and had his café frappe which by
the way was a specialty of the place and totally deserved price in three digits.
That is why, even though it cost a fortune a person didn’t mind paying for it
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“Buddy, why don’t you join us?” Andrew suggested but this time he wasn’t jok-
ing.
“Ok why not?” what does he mean by “Ok why not?” This is the first time he
has literally seen us and we have seen him, my stupid blabbering mouth friend
urges him to still down with us and this stranger accepts to have couch next to
us. Was I being over thoughtful or this was actually weird? But the next move
by him made me feel just as a convict would have felt when he gets Ice cream
with chocolate sauce with lovely nuts flashing on the top and a brownie chunk
He moved back to his table, whispered something into that beautiful girl’s
pierced ears with oxidized ear pieces and brought her to our table. He was
holding her hand all the while and all this time I was just hoping that just if I
would have had accessibility to hold her and whisper in her ear only God
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I was talking to myself, making me happy about the fact, “She isn’t his
girlfriend, she is her cousin and now that was kind of a motivation I was look-
“Come have a seat.” I urged them. Click in the moment and the three couches
and two chairs with a huge table sitting arrangement started feeling like a wish
land where all your thoughts were under surveillance and taken care of.
“Hey that’s Andrew, I am Atreyan and we are looking forward for another friend
We genuinely did not expect to be friends or even acquainted with them but
waiting for Ravisha was never a great idea to follow but in a way it wasn’t her
fault, anyone with a schedule of two hours dance class, an activist in NGO’s as
flaunt and having a developed habitual crave for shopping every alternative day
could have made any passing human late to meet his/her friends. She dropped
in two hours late than what she quoted over phone and by then we had got all
Ravisha dropped in the weirdest look ever; this was the one of the things that I
didn’t like in her at all, she ever knew how to wear a mask over the obvious
emotion that she had. She had to do nothing, she just had to bluff but a cute
face like her, with underlined eyes with a thick line of kajal and bling all di-
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amond accessories saved her every time even ever she emoted the crankiest
and weirdest expressions that could ever been reflex and reflected by anyone.
At that moment at her face emoted that she was trying to figure out that who
are these unknown and unseen chaps on the table me and Andrew were placed
and we were having fun talking to them too but she wasn’t able to connect her-
“Hey Atreyan!!!!!!” She almost yelled out. I could not make out what was she
excited about.
Welcome. What would you like to have Madam? Coffee, Tea or something else,
her.
He was definitely angry on the fact that she was late and as usual he used his
word play to action to make a point that she did something extremely wrong by
not even replying to text and not even making a call even though it was her
usual routine.
“What Man! Stop talking to me like that. You know it wasn’t my fault”
She replied in the baby tone that always worked on the guys she hit on or with
those who tried being mushy with her but Andrew was definitely a wrong pick
“Where the hell was you by the way” Andrews enquired RT.
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“You know man don’t you, then why do you keep on asking me again and
“Man man! How in the world you can dance the form of dance for three years
RT replied with her brows raised and passed a clean look which appeared
“Andy, do you have any bloody idea? How can you even think that dance gets
Ravisha was angry and offended by what Andy said. Which I thought was justi-
fied, she had been learning dance since the age thirteen and now when she had
turned twenty she had the same enthusiasm for her passion of dance as an in-
nocent little kid who is curious and excited about every new venture or expe-
Though Andy definitely didn’t mean what RT took it to be but now that was
what it was. Ten minutes of useless argument which made them look idiotic,
egoistic and lame to the brim and the best part was that they forgot that there
were two new people present around who were witnessing everything which
I so wanted to scream and say out loud that “Shut Up” but I had to hold my-
self, primarily because two reasons out if which one was selfish and second
was useless. First, I wanted that beautiful hot click to obviously think that I am
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a calm and composed guy so it was better for me to just Shut up and listen to
those blabbering mouths and second I was so awestruck that I knew that all
the words which would have came out of my mouth would be jumbled with
spellings.
The feeling of looking into her eyes and experiencing the heaven that I always
wanted was impeccable and till date it never ended. In short the feeling was
It’s almost a year after that day and the only difference now was that I was dat-
ing that “hot cousin of Nair”, Sunidhi. It has been 8 months now. Till date I be-
lieved that she was the prettiest thing ever made by the almighty and she al-
ways has something to disagree with me. I knew that she loved it when I used
to say that to her but every time she heard her praise she had a complaint
ready to counter it, most of the times it made no sense because it was for either
about her non-visible pimple mark or her thin fine (according to me) legs which
she thought were too lean. She would out rightly say “what do you know about
girls? I am not that beautiful”. I always wanted to reply “That I guess I have eye
candied enough girls to know who is beautiful from where and how much” but
next thing to that would have a list of abuses, a declaration of me being a per-
vert, a general judgement passed about “All Guys Are Same” and then end of
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CHAPTER: FOUR
“Andrew I remember everything about the Nair but its way different man.
Training in a hotel is like going through the procedure of sins payback system.
A place where you are getting punished for the sins you have committed till
for them. Cleaning every shit pot and wiping all the glass panes of the floor,
and you know what; at times it’s just not the floor on which we are appointed
It was on Andrew’s face that he had nothing convincing in his head to come
back with the point that it can’t be that bad but he had to say something to
make me feel better so all he could say was, “Dude, everyone who opts for Hotel
management goes through this training thing don’t they? If it’s that bad them
“I know that but at least give it a try; I am not that hard head”
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“It’s kinda simple Andy man, every trainee goes through this but who says that
he/she enjoys it? I can give you in black & white that they don’t. The only rea-
son they stick to it because it is necessary for them to do it. They DON’T want
“How can that be man, there must be something you guys learn from it.”
“Ya ya, sure we do, we learn how to wipe thousands of glasses, how to vacuum
clean the floors, how to salute every incoming and outgoing guest, that is what
“Atreyan, it’s no use talking about it right! You are just going to criticize it and I
am not going to accept that there is nothing you guys learn or enjoy there, so
let’s just leave it have that Carlsberg which is waiting for us from long now.”
We walked down to my small room where my PC was right next to the door on
right side and in my face was the Refrigerator which had our delicacies for the
night. It had nothing other than BEER, VODKA, RUM and WHISHKY, right
from the freezer to the cooling box was nothing else but Drinks. It was sup-
posed to be like that because there was no one at my place for next 7 days so I
could even stuff chick’s lingerie in my refrigerator if I wanted too and secondly
The theme was introduced into the group my Ravisha and to her by her hostel
friends. She had spent her secondary studies years in Shimla’s hostel and ac-
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cording to her, the fun she had there could never be matched with any day that
The whole idea about the party was to have only and only drinks in the party
and nothing else. Food was on you to manage. Anyone was who couldn’t take
the hunger strike then he/she was suggested to carry down his own food. As a
ritual Host made a drink which had no ratio or measure of any added ingre-
Today I was the host and it was my turn to make something, being a HM guy,
expectations and hopes were exceptionally high. I was so high that I had no
idea what I was mixing all I knew was the color of drinks which I was pouring,
one bottle of blood red content, and two bottles of white transparent content
As if some cared, everyone was high and had lost almost every bit of their
senses. On such moments I used to fell that living in secluded area gave the
privacy that every party lover looks for. I, Andrew and Nair now got the chance
“I want to talk” Nair said in his low, sulky and obvious high tone.
Everyone had talked to me about the training fright that I was going through,
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Andrew looked as if every trance of alcohol was sucked out of him, “And..?” he
said.
Okkkk!! Now that was unexpected. I thought it was about my training first and
even if it wasn’t about that then not this. This was totally out of the box.
“How, What, When?” I blew out all the words in the excited? At least that is
“Eight months” Nair replied to the question which was not answered but yet
Why?
“And..?” Andrew was so confused that he was only stuck on “And’s”, he had no
“We have heard that already Nair, what about her?” I was getting cranky, all
“Of course she will be, Mr. Nair has managed to love someone after 3 years of
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“Of course you know her. You know her, even he knows her” He pointed his
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CHAPTER: FIVE
Just spilled
spilled it out
“Uuuuuauaaahhh…”
“Aawwwwahhhhhhhhhhh...”
Every bit of peanut masala and Chips were floating on my floor. Nair threw
Thing that we both were waiting for to come out didn’t but all we didn’t saw
came flushing flowing out. Just as he was done throwing up all the stuffed in-
gredients in him he passed off and we just kept looking at mine and after that I
That laughing session kept going on and on. We didn’t even realize that when
we dozed off.
As lost a dog can be chasing while chasing his own tail, an inch more than that
were we all. I and Andy knew that Nair was getting us into a conversation
about something he wanted to tell us but we had no clue what was it.
“Nair I remember you were saying something, but what I have no idea” I poked.
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“Huh? What?” Nair was still confused and high on alcohol I guess. He had no
“I don’t remember man, must be something really useless that is why I don’t
remember it. Anyway you have coffee in kitchen? I desperately need a strong
“Hmm... Now when you have placed the order then let’s go to 3 C’s. It is 12.30
already I think it will have enough people till now, so we can have a beautiful
We knew what Andy meant, he was referring to our regular routine of checking
1 PM
“Where???”
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“Really Nair you think so? I asked Nair. My macho side was a bit offended by
“Dude haven’t you noticed her or what? She has all the things you can surely
not have”
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