No scenery.

Three characters (an old man, a woman in her late thirties and a woman in her late twenties) stand close,
acting as strangers in an elevator.
[The scene begins in silence.]
[Sally coughs and the three characters jerk - The elevator has broken down.]

BECKY: What just happened?

SALLY: Come on I dont have time for this.
BARNEY: [pushes emergency button in elevator] Its like being at work. Im a lollipop man yknow. Im
like a professional button pusher.
[Barney laughs loudly followed by an awkward silence]

BECKY: I cant be stuck in a small elevator with other people, I should have just taken the stairs. Im
gonna start panicking, oh god Im panicking, yip Im really panicking!
BARNEY: Dont panic itll be okay, we will be out of here in no time, hopefully, I have to be down at
the funeral in ten minutes. I just forgot my glasses. Wanna hear my speech?
[Sally and Becky glare as Barney begins to read the speech in his hands, holding it close as he has no glasses
on.]
Gabriel Johnston, Gabby, to his friends and fellow army men was such a nice,
soft-spoken man, with a ready smile for everyone.
When he asked me to stand as one of the best men at his wedding to Marie
Whealing, I was really honoured. He considered me a friend, whom he admired
and looked up to. In fact it was the other way round. I admired him because of
his gentle manners, his hunger for success and his ambitions too. I was his
rock, when he had problems at home and away.
We treated each other with respect with regards to the affairs of the heart. He
respected my opinion regarding all the girls who caught his eyes. If my opinion
counted, I advised him which girl to pursue. That girl is his present wife, Marie.
She was number one on his list.
When I left the army, we did lose our communication, especially when my Emily
fell ill.
One day, after Emily had passed, I visited my friends in Liverpool, and
discovered that Gabby was not there anymore as he had retired. But luckily we
were able to meet and he, together with Marie and family, treated me out for
lunch. That was the last time I saw Gabby alive, in 2010.
How I wish we could have another day to treat each other out when I came
again this year, 2012. But unfortunately we failed to meet and I went back to
Edinburgh on June 9. Gabby died days after.
I lost a friend, but my friend is now happy to face the Lord. My prayers goes
with him.
[Barney continues to read as Becky and Sally keep talking, taking no notice of Barney other than the occasional
glare]

SALLY: Well I need to be with my girlfriend. She is upstairs.

BECKY: All I need to do is get my credit card off my sister, who is using it to check into this hotel.
This is so typical in fact Im just going to phone her right now!

[Barney pauses from his speech]

BARNEY: Oh technology, they didnt have those talkeymabobers when I was young. Anyway
[Barney continues reading, sally gets out phone and tries phoning her girlfriend. They both fail to get through.]

BECKY: Oh for God sakes.

SALLY: LOUISE!
[Becky tries phoning again. This time she gets an answer]

BECKY: Thank God. Im stuck in an elevator and need to get out! Go down to reception and get
someone to fix it now! [hangs up phone]
[Becky is now very frustrated and begins to get angry at Sally, unprovoked]

BECKY: Go on and fix it instead of just standing there!

SALLY: There is nothing I can do, so dont be so rude.
BECKY: RUDE! Youre being rude. Youre not even trying to cooperate to get us out of here.
SALLY: Well I have been calm about the whole situation! Youve done fuck all but gurn.
[Barney has finished reading and is feeling uncomfortable]

BARNEY: Please? That language is offensive.

[Sally rolls her eyes and tuts and Barney finishes reading his speech.]

BECKY: Well I find this dyke offensive [said under her breath]
SALLY: What the fuck did you just say.
[Becky does not respond and there is an awkward silence. Barney is now feeling really uncomfortable and wants
to lighten the mood.]

BARNEY: So I had tattie soup for my dinner last night. And a wee tattie scone to go with it. I do
love me a tattie scone.
BECKY: Fucking tattie scone?! Were stuck in an elevator and all you can talk about is a fucking
tattie scone!
[Barney doesnt answer back. And in the awkward silence Sally reattempts to phone her girlfriend. She gets
through this time.]

SALLY: Please? Im so sorry Im late. Im stuck in an elevator Wait your sister?... Where is your
sister?... You did what? That was so stupid!.. Does she know?... Yeah, okay, just go to reception Oh
youre already there.. Okay just get them to help as soon as possible. Bye. Love you.
[Hangs up phone]

BECKY: Ehh, thats vile.

SALLY: You seriously need to get over the fact your sister is a lesbian because its sick.
BECKY: My sister is not a lesbian. She cant be I cant believe she wouldnt trust me and tell me
that.
SALLY: Well maybe its because of the way you treat people like me that she happens to be so
terrified.
[The doors of the elevator open. Sally storms out. Becky leaves swiftly feeling a little angry and a little
confused.]

BARNEY: Look at that, my glasses were in my pocket the whole time.

Fin.