The system is intentional about alienating us from ourselves.

We must be intentional
about who this person is, and who are we with them. And how do we relate in our
beingness
The system will force us a place where we dont operate without it. The it is white
supremacy
High level education is done in comedy. The fool is the only one that can critique
authority and get away with it.
If you want to get a sense of the community look at the cartoon section in the newspaper.
If you want to get a sense of paradigm shifts taking place go to the movies.
Leave it to beaver became the model for families and if families veered away from the
norm they were damned. Makes it palatable for you to not like yourself. African
Americans dont fit in.
Library = Thandeka Learning to be White, Jones When God was a white racist.
It becomes part of our spiritual, emotional DNA
AA mothers trained their sons not to ask questions, because they wanted them to survive.
We dont know how to be in conversation with one another
EUROPE

LAND

OLD MONEY

Bigotry in Europe was based on who had land and money.

When it came to US ethnicity was introduced, and then layered with land and money.
White supremacy normalized white (not an ethnicity but a mindset) -- anybody who is
not white does not fit the system not matter how much land you acquire.
Karl Jung Motifs
Motifs that are part of the cultural norms we share in stories continuously i.e., here =
Christ/redeemer
There are a lot of things we react to that has been termed pathologized it leaves us trying
to figure out what do I do with all of me -- How do I not pathologize me. We are not
pathological -- may have some pathologies -- we are not pathological and will not
pathologize ourselves.

Looking for conversation partners

Pastoral care is a discipline is where you train to make use of yourself in providing care
for others.
The help others receive is a byproduct as I respond to make use of myself and learn more
about myself.
Pastoral counseling is a specialized discipline that uses personality theory to explain how
people are organized to respond to their life. Pastoral counseling we are exposed to
Freud, Kohut, and others to learn how people pull themselves together from their earliest
encounters until now
What a person learns between the ages of 0-6 those patterns are basically replicated
throughout the rest of their life. Where things are resolved between 0-6 they learn how to
move through fairly easily. The places of stuckness between those ages may still be
prevalent today.
Compensatory structures = learn how to manage our anxiety. When one cant figure how
to manage a challenge then they adjust themselves to respond to the anxiety.
Pastoral counseling creates a therapeutic working relationship where one can explore the
pebbles in their shoe, then recreate a relationships to discover whether or now they want
to keep the pebble, and clarify who they be and how they want to be in their life.
LIBRARY
Dictionary of Pastoral Care and Counseling -- Rodney Hunter is the editor
A pastoral counselor -- A person with commitment too and education for religious
ministry and is accountable to a recognized religious community
The terms pastoral means relationship both in the sense of responsibility and of attitude.
It refers to the kind of in-depth working that only the religious community can provide.
Christian counseling is usually oriented toward evangelism -- helping people get their
relationship with Jesus straight
Pastoral counseling is helping people get right themselves and work through their
interpersonal challenges.
Pastoral counseling is a core piece for pastoral theological reflection which is a process
were one uses pastoral counseling and reflect on that relationship using theology, culture,
psychology, politics, economics, gender, etc. then the pastoral counselor reflects on the
encounter. Help us be systematic in our reflection and be intentional.

What makes pastoral counseling work is the pastoral therapeutic relationship, in most
cases the counselee has enough information to deal with the problem. The counselor is
vested in the well being of the counselee and in that investment the counselee is able to
discover ways and means of attainment safe place to try out distinctiveness. The person
vested in their well being has challenges themselves.
The counselor is open, honest, truth, interested, interesting, and pushes the counselee to
grow and make use of what makes whatever their working on
Fantasy == delusion may have some truth, mostly drama - disconnect from self and
others.
Phantasy == psychology - arises from the subconscious what would life be like if they
supposed something to happen, this is where they work out options.
Core to what makes phantasy work is transference and countertransferance
Transference = projections counselee to counselor
Countertransference = projections counselor to counselee
The pastoral counselor seeks to establish the frequency of relatedness, and what the
counselee is working on. Good smart healthy people know their limits you cannot handle
everything.
Most people dont respect free stuff, state your fee and decide what it will be given their
ability.
Immediacy -- issues they are dealing with at the present time.
Pastoral Counselor never gives answers -- we help people discover the answer that is in
them and use theyre resources they already have.
European psycho therapy is the answer is external
African psycho therapy is the answer is within
Back male orientation is in opposition to anything that is oppressive. It is akin to
womanism from the perspective of what it is to be a male of African descent, what it is to
be a Black male. God is on the side of those who are oppressed and that God is in
opposition to anything that is oppressive.
What men of African descent need is a therapeutic relationship that works with a pastoral
counselor that is a male of African descent

Primary dyad = mother father child = mother- child; father-child == deal with father child
relationship first; then it becomes a triangle
Therapist replicates and responds to the need of the counselee
Good enough mentoring -- whatever is sufficient in the relatedness -- meeting the need
Solutions focused therapy how do you duplicate the place that makes the counselee
happy and find that place.
In case of absent father, the child will produce who dad is even if they never met dad
Create space fore their distinctiveness in conversation.
Family Systems theory -- cut off = becomes employed when relatedness is too toxic for
our beingness
Self psychology is an offshoot of Freudian therapy
Kohut was working with people in need of and made use of him in a way that was almost
dependent. They were not able to tolerate interpersonal access. In self psychology the
people needed more interaction. He discovered that self experience was fulfilling
whatever doubt or fear they had.
Narcissism is when one looks at themselves in the mirror and declares how wonderful
they are.
Kohut discovered that people look at their own reflections and saw how vastly inadequate
they are, no matter what they had obtained. They learned how to use people to keep
themselves together. The relationships they formed with him were replicating their
relationship.
Self object = referencing that toward what emotional relations is appended i.e., mother,
father, get pleasure and as painlessly as possible. == is about the connection with self
and object and the feelings associated with that
Narcissistic transference = client treats the therapist as if the therapist is an extension of
themselves.
Empathy = the capacity to think and feel oneself into the life experience of another
Empathic Responsiveness = when one is able to mobilize empathy into a way of assisting
another
Mirroring = reactivation of self. Children learn their value by what they see in your face.

Idealization = in order for me to know myself great -- it is imperative that children

consider their parents wonderful.
Optimal frustration = when the child get to the point they dont recognize any authority
anywhere
In self psychology we replicate the relations we have and in replicating those relations we
are really working on our optimal frustrations,
It is the responsibility of the therapist to help the client explore, examine and work
through their stuckness. Kohut also developed a concept around cultural self objects
which is not just an object that is human but can also be schools, churches, congregations,
etc.
Men of African descent in not just personality but also institutions i.e., fraternities
Alcoholism is an oral addiction = drinking = replication of the baby bottle