Whatever job

Wednesday, February 17, 2016

7:28 PM

What I have been doing this 2 weeks is sitting and wondering why in
the hell I am in this place. Truth be told, I am not sure if I am lucky
or doomed but my inner good voice tells me that everything is a
blessing.
Perhaps, if this never came to me I am in my bed wondering at
every minute what am I gonna do in my life I could have gone mad
sitting in the balcony watching things happen. But on the other side,
I could also care less and wake up at whatever time I wanted to
without being guilty if its 8 in the morning and I am still on the
road, taking steps closer to the place where I have to spend 9 or 10
hours depending on the situation.
It started of a suggestion, that turned out to be a dare to myself,
then went to humiliation rolled into denial and after a week of
busying myself here we go. JOB. My friends call me lucky then they
probably mussing around the news that I am working already and it
pays well, or is it really pays well?
I dont want to compare, but yes they are not probably having the
life that I have. The sad life. They just dont know that the transition
is really hard. First I work with people older than me. My patients
are knowledgeable, for heavens sake they are police and some are
nurses who turned to outsmart me. I wanted to be outsmarted
because they are gonna leave the premises by the way and I am
gonna stay. Sometimes I feel bad when they lurk their eyes on me,
or they act sick but I cannot be the bitch, otherwise Im going to be
bitched slap. I smile even if I am not happy. I am not the person who
constantly wants attention I dont beg for that. Im used that for
four years in college I am ignored. I walk on the wall side of the aisle
or I dont walk in the aisle at all. But here, they see you especially

the male population and they are going to cough, murmur words of
getting sick and that. But what can I do? I agreed on these and I
have to figure out all by myself how to deal with it. The worst thing
is I have no one to confide with. I dont want my parents to know
because I dont want them to worry, Ive always been like that ever
since highschool. If I tell it to my sister she would barely listen and I
have a mental vision that our conversation would just end up on
how her studies went. My brother perhaps could listen to me and
would have given me the best advice in the world if he is not busy
all the time.
I am alone, I guess, in this journey. If there is going to be another
one like me, it would have been easier but it aint gonna happen
today. Sometimes I am taking the positive side of life. But Im so
done with the positive.. so okay insert here after a month of
working here I am again. We have a clinic but I dont mind staying
in there. Im more comfortable in an air conditioned room with a
computer even without internet, at least I am doing something.
First congratulations to me, for staying in this place for a month.
Second, Im not going to celebrate because I am broke. Third, I am
worried of the coming week because of the mountain training of the
students here. What my friend told me, enlightened me a little of
my lonesome stay here, she said that we have to experience first
other adventurous job before we embark on the forever hospital air
that we are wanting to breathe. Just yesterday I passed an
application to a hospital and I am not expecting because we are told
that the submission of applications was over since Monday, though
she accepted ours, it would have been unhuman if she didnt. the
thought of working in a hospital is not very pleasing but I have tried
it for a week and it somehow satisfies me. the constant moving
around, the common people going in and out, the workmates and of
course the food, they are the things that make it alive. This time, it
is not difficult to wake up for a duty it just comes into your system
that it is the thing that you are supposed to do. But I have to accept
that my job in there is nothing but a mission. It is not permanent
and we all know that youll never see the complete picture of
something when you only had the experience a glimpse of what it
is. I am fearing if I get stuck in here for the next years of my life,
and I also fear that opportunities might come and Im still tied to the

idea that I need to be in service here. I got minus one of the 4

months that I am in contract here, and I am torn with the debt of
gratitude that I plan to stay for another contract, and the desire to
work in a hospital where I have chances of living a greener pasture
in few years time. I pray that whatever comes, I hope it will be in
the right time.
<and insert here 2 mos of the first job>
what makes my job interesting is its constant changes. I was
complaining of the 24 hr duty for 5 days, but now I have an 8 hour
job and I'm doing nothing except to worry what is for lunch. But the
clich saying that nothing lasts forever applies here, I know for a
moment I am enjoying the peace in the clinic, the comfort of the
bed, but when the classes would start it will be hell days, and burn
out for sure will come. I have received a total of 29,000+ from my
first job (I just realized it now 0.0), and I haven't buy one concrete
thing from that, I gave the 5 thousand to my mom and still I know it
ain't enough. But that amount is good for now and the coming
months will left me broke because of my constantly going home in a
day to day basis. I would rather do that than stay in that place
during nights. Life has not been totally easy to me for the past two
months, the adjustment really sucks, my boss is so unpredictable,
and my roommate who happens to be a police officer doesn't like
me, plus I dont know whether my workmate likes me still. I will be
living a life without students for a month or two, and I don't know
what to expect or what my boss would be invent just to keep us
preoccupied. The cooking task really annoys me because I don't
know the least about it. And guess what I am tasked to wash the
dishes most of the time, good thing: I have household gloves.
<the last month>
2 days from now I will be on the last month of my contract of
employment, for some this is a dead end since they would go back
to unemployed status again. For me, it sounds more like a relief and
a total life remembrance. After being blamed for the inadequacies
of an event, for quite forgetting some things directed by your boss,
by becoming the reason of a failure of event and by so many other
things that you have to take the blame, now I made a decision that I

have to quit. There are times when I wonder if I really did a grave
thing because for the past years that I have been in college I was
really careful not to make mistakes because I deal with life, and life
matters, and the opposite of that is death. I dont understand
myself why I take my job lightly, like my principle revolves on the
word that "it could have been worse, these are just damn papers".
But I don't feel like I take my job lightly, it just so happens that luck
is against me, or that life is telling me that I need to do other things
than this. That this is not where I should be living, or that I should
start my other plans cause I have to leave. The important thing is
that I am on my way to leave, I can't do what they expect me to do,
be a school nurse then an admin clerk, the name in itself is selfexploiting. I don't say that being a clerk is a disgusting thing
because anyways, hospital nurses are also in itself clerks. But I am a
nurse and I did not earn my diploma in a manner that I sleep all
nights, I lost moments with my families just to have my license.
This is too much self-deprecation, I am almost losing my sanity. But
then again we have to look on the positive side and that tells us
that everything is a learning experience, tomorrow is another day,
and no one should live in the past except the dead. June will be my
last month of employment and that is the end of my story in there.
The legacy is yet to be unfold, I will leave the place gracefully, if
allowed to, and I will make things right, hopefully.

I have been vocal about my plan on leaving. First to my friends,

then to my workmate, but I couldnt raise that issue to my parents.
It seems to me that it is a great stressor for them if I just leave the
place, especially that they have been certain that I have a good job.
I feel bad though every time they consider teaching me all the stuff
in the office only to know deep in myself that they are just wasting
time on me. I am praying to God, that hopefully I could keep myself
intact on being nice, because even if men is born good, I have to
agree on the phrase that men also adapts from the environment.
The only thing I know right now is I am certain of leaving, I just hope
that God would give me the right reasons and the reasons would be
acceptable enough to my boss. I know he barely tolerates me, and

it is not that hard to let me go, but the question is still there, where
would I go really?

The issue is gone and raised, all I have to do is pack up my things

because I am currently leaving. I only have less than 2 weeks left
before I will leave. Interesting, isn't it? Last time I was struggling to
find a job, then I got a job, and now I am quitting the job.
Fascinating. I am on my plan to go abroad, I remember how I texted
my friend "Goals are goals", and truly goals are goals. There would
be no better future if I keep on staying in there, but I have to be
honest with myself that I still doubt my judgement as of the
moment. I think I have neglected the perks of the job, or I barely
looked unto them before I made my final decision, but it doesnt
matter, my resignation letter is already there, and the entire staff
already know that I am leaving. So, no point of return, eh? I better
yet carry on with my decision, I made it final, I don't know what the
coming days will bring but I am sure that my life is a blessing, so I
just have to go with it and bring it on.

Then, I was confused. Now, I am madly confused. I am on the

unemployment streamline again, isn't it quite precocious because it
was only been 4 months and I quit right after that. Some in the
previous office where I work are talking about me leaving them
because I ain't happy anymore, some thinks it is because of my
unruly boss, and still some thinks that I am too young and the job is
just too much for me. But, they all have a point, those were all true,
for some reasons doesn't have to be a single reason, sometimes
they are a bunch of reasons that gets to pile themselves over your
frontal lobe and you come up with a single reason which was a lie. I
have to because it is the way easier, to protect them and to protect
me. But, it is all over now, nobody would even remember what is
my definitive reason of leaving, or probably nobody would even
remember me. Life being jobless has been 10 days and counting,
and my savings keeps on lessening. I just hope that when I get
there a miracle would coming from heaven suddenly would drop
and boomLyn you are terrifically hired. Could that be possible?

Yes, possible, by the amount of miracles that have happen to me, I

just hope that God would make another one. I know chances are
there have been some distrust because I closed a door but it was
my intention and it was God's plan for me to see that place, I
believe He wants me to experience a greater challenge in life and
that is to go for a hospital experience. We have heard a lot of
disgust to that kind of job, but that is all we got to live when we
graduated nursing that is all we have to do. I keep on telling myself
that I need to prepare myself for the battle to come, I don't know
how much I have been prepared, I got it unfigured out.