The Honest Pick-Up

Workout Plan
Become insanely comfortable and
confident around beautiful women in 30
days (or less)

By: Nick Durham & Stephen

Silver

!1

Chapter 1: Social Confidence =

Building Muscle
I used to be into weightlifting.
Im a naturally skinny guy so when I first started going to the gym, it
was rough.
Like...I couldnt bench the barbell rough. Like put a paper bag over my
face when I walked into the gym rough.
Results didnt come fast. It took about three months for me to see any
change when I looked in the mirror.
Thats hard to come to grips with. Making sacrifices every day for
something that youve been told will happen...but you cant fully see
yet.
After all, I had been skinny my whole life. How would I know for sure
that Id actually get stronger?
...But after those months of suffering, I realized a few important
things:
1. The more consistently I made it to the gym, the stronger I got.
2. The only person in the gym who cared how skinny or weak I
was...was me. (everyone at the gym was really only worried about
themselves)

!2

3. My muscles became more "resilient" and I could rebound more

quickly from a rough workout.

I also used to suck with women

Id get so nervous. I couldnt function like a normal human.
When I saw a beautiful woman I wanted to talk to...I lost it. My
thoughts would mushroom. Id find myself with a shaky voice and a
desperate search for control.
It was like I was white-knuckling the handles of a roller coaster as I
watched it derail on the tracks in front of me.
I panicked a lot.
I panicked during a poetry class while reading a poem (the class was
myself and 20 women).
I panicked when I picked up a girl on a blind date.
I panicked in Walgreens when I ran into a girl I dated and got rejected
by.
Much like my physical muscles, my pick-up muscles were size zero.
Then one day at the gym, I had an epiphany with my muscles. (Not
my biceps). I figured out how Id get over my fear of rejection around
women.
Id build my pick-up muscles the same way I was building my real
ones. I made my first workout routine right there at the gym.
I needed several things from it.
!3

First and foremost, I needed it to feel right. Id read books on pick-up,

but I couldnt practice knowing Id turn into a hopeless douche who
tricks women into liking him.
I also needed it to be manageable, given my scrawny-ness with
women. I needed to start small and build a foundation of confidence
before I started doing any serious approaching.
Lastly, it had to target all the important muscle groups--to only focus
on approaching/talking to women would be like only working upper
body at the gym.
I targeted 3 essential pick-up muscle groups:
i. Mindset muscles (for my fear of rejection and what other people
thought of me)
ii. Connection muscles (so I was saying interesting stuff that
actually made sense)
iii.Bold-move muscles (for big moments like asking a girl out or
going in for a kiss).
I designed the routine to get more and more challenging as I got
stronger. Otherwise, Id plateau.
This is what scientists call Progressive Exposure.
I broke my workout plan into a 30-day challenge and into three
phases:
Phase 1: Foundational Stage (days 1-10)
Phase 2: Building Real Muscle (days 11-20)
!4

Phase 3: Dude, Youre A Beast (days 21-30)

I followed the framework precisely.
It was never easy. Some days I gave up. Days 21-30 were torture.
But they were also hilarious.
I mean, hell, by Phase 3, I was doing things like:
i. Going tango dancing (aka making a complete fool of myself)
ii. Approaching women in the mall dressed like a Buddhist Monk
iii.Dancing to Frank Sinatra in department stores with saleswomen
iv.Giving speeches in coffee shops
Sounds fun, right?
But did these unconventional exercises actually help my skills
with women?
Glad you asked.
Less than 60 days after I started my workout, I found myself in a
surreal position.
It was Friday night. I was at a rooftop bar.
The girl I was with had just gone to the bathroom and I finally had a
moment to myself. I could do nothing but look around and smile.
It was my third date in three nights.

!5

Not from Tinder. Not from Match. From connections Id created in

person.
Id met this girl at the gym. I met the girl I took out the previous night at
a coffee shop.
But fuck the number of dates I was going on. For the first time in my
life, I was actually having fun around women.
My fears were virtually gone. Desperation had left the building. I was
just enjoying the moment.
It felt like a 1000 pound weight had just been surgically removed from
my shoulders.
Just a few months later, I even got invited to teach my workout to
students here:

!6

Me. The dude who panicked all those times. The dude whos pick-up
muscles were smaller than a kidney stone. I guess my workout made
me strong.

!7

A New Roadmap
One thing I hated about the mens pick-up industry was the lack of
genuine advice about how to improve with women.
I read every self-help book out there. I read the Game to try to learn
about how to get better with women (sigh).
I learned about Buddhism and Stoicism in a desperate attempt to
reduce my stress levels.
I memorized every line of every book on overcoming fear, on charisma
and confidence.
But still something was missing.
There was this complete lack of advice about how to actually improve
with women.
How does one practice this stuff? Where? How frequently?
There was no roadmap at all.
You may have heard advice like: Go open every women you see, or
Go hunt fear and be the man bro!!!
Jeez.
Using that advice is like fighting in the Roman Coliseum with no
weapons or armor.

!8

I dont know about you but I was scared shitless when I was trying to
improve with women.
The idea of guerrilla-approaching dozens of women everyday by
myself like the PUA experts advised was in a wordterrifying.
So I created something that worked for me.
Something:
that wasnt so intimidating
that helped me not obsess about women all the time
that made me feel good about myself (not like a desperate creep)
that was flexible enough to fit into my busy schedule
that would get me the results I wantedquickly.

How the Workout Plan works

The Honest Pick-Up Workout is a series of daily exercises for 30 days
that will help you master your fears, learn the keys to truthful
seduction and build the real, authentic charisma you need to be
great with women.
Its a structured program that you can follow precisely and know that if
you do a few, small things each day, you will start seeing results.
There will be a one exercise for you to do DAILY for the next 30
days.
You wont be asked to shave your balls and buy cute hats that you can
peacock with. And you wont be reciting an audio tape of platitudes of
how amazing you are in front of a mirror.
!9

You have my word on that.

Instead, youll be doing things in the real world that will help you
become truly confident around women.
All the exercises will be done in public (minus two days of reflection).
Theyll require to step outside of the comfort of your bedroom and take
action. Because thats how you learn this stuff. Through practice
and real life experience.
The program is broken down into three phases:
Phase 1: The Foundational Stage (Days 1-10).
Phase 2: Building Real Muscles (Days 11-20).
Phase 3: Dude, Youre A Beast (Days 21-30).
With each stage, the exercises get progressively harder. But theyre all
doable. Ive tested them myself and with dozens of clients.
Ive also taught the Workout Plan to hundreds of people at places like
M.I.T., Miami University (among other schools), the National Home
Builders Association (it applies to business as much as it does dating),
and even spoke about it on national radio here (iHeart radio interview).
Ive provided detailed descriptions of each exercise to show you
exactly how to complete them.
Ive also included a blank spreadsheet at the end of this book for you
to print and keep track of your progress.

!10

Print the spreadsheet. Take it with you. Keep a tally of the

exercises youve completed.
Whenever you are building new habits, its extremely helpful to build
triggers into your new routine.
A printed sheet with you on your desk at work, on your bathroom
mirror, at the gym, etc. can be that trigger.

A few mindset shifts

My guess is that if youre reading this, you already understand the
value of improving your pick-up skills/confidence with women. I dont
have to sell you on that.
But I do want to let you in on a few important things.
Most people think charisma, charm, confidence, and coolness under
pressure are things youre born with.
You either have it or you dont, right?
No. Not true.
The first thing you need to know about pick-up and confidence around
women: its a learned skill. It can be practiced and cultivated.
Imagine being able to walk up to a beautiful woman in a coffee shop
and effortlessly start a conversation with her.

!11

Imagine not being smacked in the face by fear when you want to ask
for her number.
Imagine being able to meet anyone, anywhere, anytime without
stressing about how youre doing or what to say next. You can be the
relaxed, fun guy everyone wants to be around.
Millions of dudes like you experience them everyday. And they
learned how with practice; not from their DNA.
I also want you to understand the true value of this program:
Its not lines, routines or scripted bullshit to use to trick people
into liking you. All that builds is fake confidence. It digs you into
a deeper hole.
The Honest Pick-Up Workout is the exact opposite of that.
Its a series of exercises designed to help you get better with
women...without all of the bullshit.
There wont be any lines or routines to memorize. You dont have to
put on an act to impress anyone. Its designed to make YOU more
confident and attractive, not your lines or strategies.
It targets the source of our biggest hang-ups around women: the
insecurities and fears. It helps build real confidence.
And it does it in a scientifically proven, yet fun and relaxed way.
One more thing.

!12

Right now, you're probably like: Nick, I need to talk to every woman I
see because thats how you get better with them, and otherwise Im
missing soooo many opportunities.
First of all, relax.
I might be the first dating coach to say this but you don't need to talk
to every woman you see. If that's your mindset, you'll become
obsessed and frustrated. Youll lose all perspective.
The truth is: there are tons of women out there.
Yes, you'll talk to them. But that's not all you'll do. You'll build the skillset you need to be successful with them through other means too.
If youre trying to create a life with women youre proud of, this is
where you start.
Want to see the exercises? Alright cool.
But first, lets talk a little more about Honest Pick-Up and how it works.

!13

Chapter 2: How to learn seduction

without being a scumbag
I told a girl I was gay to get her to come home with me.
I dont know why I thought it would work. Actually, yea I do. I read
about the gay routine in The Game and thought it might work for me
(it didnt).
In college, my co-founder Stephen and I studied every word of The
Game and loved every second of it
It wasnt until the gay line that we realized who wed become. Lying,
desperate, bullshit artists.
Nothing about us was genuine.

And it showed in the women we were meeting. They were bottom of

the barrel. Who else would believe our lies?
Lets make something clear: There are no secrets or tricks to
seduction.
PUA Mystery, PUA Matador, and PUA Asswipe would probably tell you
otherwise.
But the truth is: being good at seduction comes from mastering a few
core principles and building your own style around them through trial
and error (which the workout will show you).
!14

Thats why we created Honest Pick-up. So we could teach dudes the

truth about seduction.
You dont have to lie or manipulate.
You dont have to have to be an asshole.
You dont have to be alpha all the time.
You dont have to be fearless and talk to 100 women a day.
You dont have to look like Brad Pitt or be as jacked as Hugh
Jackman.
And you dont have to be a creep to be good at this stuff.
You just have to know a few key principles about how the game
works and do everything you can to master those.
Its not easy to learn. But it is simple.
Here are 3 key principles about Truthful Seduction that will give you a
rock-solid foundation for everything you need to know about pickup
(way more than any specific script or routine ever could):
1. Boldness
This is the #1 panty-wetter for females.
They love it. Even if the pick-up doesnt work out, she'll respect you for
it.
What is boldness? Its halfway between being too timid and being
overly aggressive. Its having the balls to be direct with what you want
in a respectful way.

!15

Its going straight up to a girl sitting by herself and asking her to

dance.
Its telling a girl exactly why you wanted to introduce yourself and talk
to her.
Its asking for her number directly after youve had a good
conversation.
This stuff is pretty nerve-wracking, especially when you're really
attracted to her. But learning to act in spite of the fear is HUGE.
And it gets easier and easier every time.
2. Short Memory
90% of the time its not going to work.
Most people are incompatible with each other. Just how it goes.
Im from Miami, so a lot of girls Id approach didnt even speak
English. Others werent interested in talking to a non-celebrity.
Those werent the most fun rejections.
The key is to have a short memory. To be able to bounce back after
rejection and realize that there are MILLIONS of other fish in the sea.
A good way to think about it is that youre weeding out the ones that
arent right for you. She was probably incompatible with you anyways.
Now you know for sure instead of having to wonder.
Thats her loss. Move on to the next one.
3. Genuine Connection
!16

If boldness is the panty-wetter, this is the heart-stopper.

This is how you go from just another guy that approached her to
someone she remembers. Someone she wants to get to know a lot
better.
This is the meat of the seduction.
How does it go down?
The best way is to show genuine interest in her.
To ask about who she is and what she likes, and then LISTENING to
her responses. If you actually listen to her every word, you'll realize
ways that you can connect with her.
Good follow-up questions will pop into your head. Maybe you really
agree with her on something. Maybe something she said reminds you
of a story you've got.
I used to suck at listening closely. Id try to plan out everything I was
going to say while she was talking. It never got me the conversations I
wanted.
LISTEN CLOSELY to what shes saying. Ask a good follow up
question or share something about yourself that relates. Show that
you actually give a shit.
Shell be shocked (in a good way.) Youll see it in her smile.
THAT'S seduction you can feel good about.

!17

Chapter 3: How to Use The Workout -- 9

Golden Rules of Behavior Change
Standing face-to-face with your fears with women is hard.
These exercises will challenge you on a deep level.
Youre going to wake up some days and want to forget you ever found
this book.
Youre going to make excuses and youre going to want to give up.
But if you want to make changes like:
learning how to be bold with women
becoming more seductive (without being sleazy or fake)
training yourself to master fear
becoming the man you know you can beone who oozes true
confidence and charisma
then you need to realize that these exercises are the way.
Ive designed the workout to get you the results you want in as little as
30 days. Its doable.
The only question is if youll do the work or not.
Here are 9 rules (based on the core principles of habit building/
behavior change) to keep you focused, motivated, and accountable.

!18

i. Join our private Facebook group.

Ive created a private Facebook group thats free to enter for anyone
who downloads this book.
Search Honest Pick-Up Workout on Facebook and request to join.
Its a community designed 100% for you and your workout.
Well share photos, stories, failures, successes. Its also a completely
closed group -- we know this stuff is personal so we will keep it
private.
ii. Forget about results and your image for 30 days.
Over the next 30 days, youre going to fail. Youre going to feel like an
idiot at times. But thats the point. My guess is youve never allowed
yourself to do that before.
Give yourself permission to not care about how you look to others for
30 days. Thats it.
There is no success or failure with any exercise -- only whether or not
you showed up and did the work.
Think BINARY CODE. Its 1 or 0. Did you do the exercise or not?
iii. Pay attention to your excuses.
These are stupid. Its not really going to help me with women. this is
cool, but no. I dont have time today. Ill make sure to do two
tomorrow.

!19

EXCUSES ARE GOING TO HAPPEN. How do I know? I created the

program and I still make excuses myself. Fear is trying to beat you.
When this happens, the best thing to do is note them. Jot them down
in your journal (see rule #6). Make a conscious effort to see them for
what they are. Bullshit.
iv. Take the pressure off
Youre not marrying The Workout Plan. This is not something you
have to commit to doing for the next 6 months or the next 10 years.
Its just something youre experimenting with for now.
Take it one day at a time.
v. Recruit a friend to do it with you. Make it competitive.
Do you know a friend who might be interested in doing the Workout
with you?
These exercises are beneficial for anyone to do. Not just men. And not
just for your pickup skills. Theyll help you get confident at work, in
the boardroom, with your next big client pitch. Sell them on that. The
likelihood of you following through will increase dramatically if youre
doing it with someone else.
And spice it up: add a bet to see who can do the most exercises in 30
days.
How do you measure your results? Take pictures of each exercise and
document what you complete. If you cant take a picture yourself while
completing the exercise, take a before and after photo. Or ask
someone to take a picture or video of you while completing it.
!20

vi. Buy a journal to track your progress.

Reflection and observation are essential parts of the growth process
when breaking down your fears. Ive set aside two full days of the
program just for reflection and journaling.

vii.Too hard? Reduce the difficulty until you cant say no.
If you find yourself saying I like the idea but I doubt I'd ever go
through with it. or NO WAY NICK YOU CRAZY ASSHOLE Thats
okay. That just means you need to reduce the difficulty.
What can you do to make the exercise easier for you? Get creative.
Adapt the workout to you. Whenever an exercise seems too difficult to
do, drop the difficulty down until you can't say no.
If you need help with how to do this, email me at
nick@honestpickup.com.
viii.When in doubt, trust the system.
The routine Ive put together helped me go from the most shy, socially
awkward person in any room (trust me) to dating coach featured at
M.I.T While some of the exercises seem random and sometimes,
well, pointless and crazy, there is science behind each exercise. Trust
it, it works.
ix. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD HAVE FUN MAN
If youre not enjoying the exercises, whats the point of doing this?

!21

Dont get too hung up if you fail. If you look embarrass yourself and
look foolish, laugh about it. If fear is nagging you, smile.
How you experience the workout is totally up to you. Why not have fun
with it?

The Workout Plan as a keystone habit.

Keystone habits are habits that have a massive impact across all
areas of your life. Think dominos falling.
For example, exercising. When people start exercising more, they
might start eating healthier, living healthier (maybe they quit smoking),
their relationships improve because theyre happier, they get a
promotion because life is greatetc.
The Workout Plan has the potential to have that effect on you.
Will you do the work?
Without further adoThe program that will put some real pump
into your pick-up muscles.
Say hello to the Honest Pick-Up Workout Plan.

!22

The Honest Pick-Up WORKOUT

PLAN
PHASE 1 (DAYS 1-10): THE FOUNDATION STAGE

I suck at Argentine Tango

!23

Day 1. Go to a yoga/dance/art class.

Welcome to Day 1. Jump right in and do something most guys are too
afraid to do. Hit a yoga class. Take a salsa lesson. Go paint.
Google around to find a class or lesson that fits your schedule.
Now for the actual class: Realize that you will suck. You will
embarrass yourself. But who cares?
It will be fun if you drop the masculine bullshit of trying to be superman
at everything you do. (Like most things in life).
If its too much to go it alone, bring friends. These are GREAT places
to meet women so sell them on that.
Have fun with the class. Dont take it too seriously. Get to know some
other people in the room.
Target muscle: mindset muscle (fear of rejection)
Day 2. Strike up conversation with someone in a coffee shop.
Have you ever wondered what half of the people you see in coffee
shops actually do?
Do you realize how easy it is to go strike up a conversation with them
and ask them?
Go start a conversation with anyone. Say hi, introduce yourself, ask
them what they do, ask them about the weather, what their favorite
coffee drink is, why they come to this particular shop, etc.
!24

This exercise should teach you two important things about social
interaction:
i. It is acceptable to approach strangers out of the blue.
ii. You can have a genuine conversation with them without an
agenda.
Listen to what they say. Stop trying to plan what youre going to say
next. Relax.
You might just meet someone really interesting.
Target muscle: mindset and connection muscles
Day 3. Go to a movie by yourself.
Youve heard about eating alone. Most people are scared shitless of
doing that.
But what about going to see a movie alone?
What will people think of you? That you have no friends? Youre a
huge weirdo?
Why are you giving such importance to what they think?
Who cares what they think? Who even cares if theyre right?
This exercise will force you how to sit with these uncomfortable
emotions for at least two hours.
Meditate on them. Get to know your thoughts. Recognize this deep
fear of rejection for what it is: irrational.

!25

Target muscle: mindset muscle

Day 4. Strike up conversation with someone at a grocery store.
Same thing as the coffee shop. Just start a conversation. Talk to
anyone. Dude/woman. And about anything that youd like.
Doing this exercise will teach you the art of the approach. Specifically:
i. How to do it skillfully and make people comfortable around you.
ii. How to deal with fear in your body.
iii.How to deal with the b.s. excuses you tell yourself.
Dont take the easy way out and run away as soon as you have the
chance. Try to hold the conversation for as long as you can. Be
genuinely interested in what they have to say.
Because the person thats genuinely interested and actually listens?
Thats someone everyone wants to be around.
Target muscle: connection and mindset muscles
Day 5. Ask a woman you're attracted to for directions.
Approaching a woman youre attracted to doesnt have to be
intimidating.
Yet, why do the wheels fall off whenever were faced with the simple
task of just saying hi to them?
Ill tell you why. Its because you need something from them. You need
their validation to feel like youre an attractive person.

!26

Because theyre attractive, you feel they are a good judge to

determine whether you are.
If they say yes to you, you feel on top of the world. YOURE
ATTRACTIVE. YES!!!
If they say no, you feel like a worthless piece of shit.
Why are you giving them so much power over you?
They are normal people just like you. They have fears just like you.
They poop just like you.
Asking for directions is a perfect way to start ridding yourself of this
irrational fear. It's harmless. Its easy. And it gets you great exposure
and conversational practice.
Ask her how to get to a restaurant nearby. To the nearest Target. Ask
her if she knows how to get to _____ (wherever you want).
Theres usually a chance to advance the conversation past just
directions talk. If youre interested, go right ahead. But dont feel
pressure to. The point of this exercise is just to talk to her. Because
shes just another human.
target muscle: connection and mindset muscles
Day 6. Ask for a meal/drink/haircut for free.
I got a free drink at Chipotle last week.
It wasnt because I wanted it. It was because I asked.

!27

I asked because its hard. Asking for something for free thats not is
probably going to get you a no. And who wants to get rejected for no
reason?
You do.
Because you know that the key to overcoming your fear of rejection is
to get rejected. A LOT. You know that you need to learn to be okay
with it.
Its not about learning how to get so good with people that you never
get rejected. Thats a poor strategy. We try it because were scared.
Getting rejected as much as possible and learn to deal with the
emotions is how you become fearless in front of people.
So go ask for a free meal/haircut/drink. Get your no. And walk away
smiling.
target muscle: mindset muscle

Day 7. Call someone you haven't spoken to in 5 years.

Open your phonebook. Scroll through and find someone who you
havent talked to in 5 years. Could be a family member. A high school
friend. etc. Call them.
They probably wont pick up. They might not even have your number
saved anymore.

!28

If they dont, leave a voicemail. But either way, tell them why youre
calling (you were just thinking of them and wanted to see how they are
doing). Hang up. Thats it.
This is hard for most people. It brings up uncomfortable emotions.
What will they think? Omg I havent talked to them in so long, it will be
weird!
Thats why were doing it.
Target muscle: Bold move/connection muscles

Day 8. Ask someone you admire professionally to coffee for

career advice.
Have you ever thought about finding a professional mentor to help you
advance your career? Heres your chance.
Write down 3 names of people you admire professionally. You dont
have to know them or have met them, per say. But they need to be
accessible to you.
That is, you have an email address, a mutual connection, or a phone
number.
Draft an email to one of them asking them if theyd be willing to have
coffee with you one morning this week. Tell them why youre asking
THEM (maybe you respect them professionally and want to be where
they are in 10 years).
Today, your task is to just send that email.

!29

Do you see the dynamics involved here and how its related to our
work? Youre making yourself vulnerable, giving a sincere honest
compliment, and are risking rejection. All in one email.
target muscle: mindset and bold move muscles.
Day 9. Share an embarrassing story with a complete stranger.
I got a call from a client recently who told me about a really
embarrassing speaking performance.
Basically, he was asked to speak at an important panel, was pumped
about the opportunity, and then as soon as it was his turn to speak, all
hell broke loose.
He froze, went into a panic, his mind went blank and he basically
looked like a complete weirdo in front of an audience he wanted so
badly to impress. His worst nightmare. (Been there).
When he got done telling the story, he said to me, "you know, I've only
told you and my mom about this. I can't tell anyone else. Ever.
I hear this from nearly everyone I work with. Do you see whats going
on here?
He's only willing to share "the good part" of himself with people. The
bad side, the really embarrassing flawed side, THE HUMAN SIDE, is
completely off limits.
As a result, he locks the embarrassing experience away in a secret
vault, vows to tell no one, pretends it didnt happen, and continues to
think he has to be perfect all the time. Sigh. Hell always fear the next
one.
!30

I know you have an embarrassing story locked away. Its probably

painful even to think about it.
With this exercise, find one stranger who will listen. The barista at the
coffee shop. Your crazy neighbor. Friends. Family. A homeless guy.
Have fun sharing it too. Because in reality, sure it fucking sucked. But
it's also kind of funny. And not that big of a deal.
Stop taking yourself so seriously.
Target muscle: mindset and connection muscles
Day 10. Make eye contact with a woman, smile, then go say hi.
Eye contact make us uncomfortable.
Smiling at an attractive woman is scary as hell.
Approaching a woman out of the blue has the power to make any man
shy away.
Sounds like the perfect recipe.
The goal with this exercise is nothing more than saying hi. Seriously,
you dont have to carry a conversation. Most people will feel the need
to because they think its awkward if you dont.
But its only awkward if you make it so.

!31

From experience, I know its easy to listen to the voices in your head.
What if she thinks Im a creep? What do I even say? Im so nervous I
wont even be able to talk. Trust me, Ive been there.
One trick that helps me beat fear here is humor. Make a joke about
how nervous you are to yourself. Acknowledge how big of a weirdo
you are.
Dont be afraid to be self-deprecating in moments when you are
scared. Even to her.
Target muscle: bold move muscles

!32

PHASE 2 (DAYS 11-20): BUILDING REAL

MUSCLE

!33

Day 11. REST AND REFLECT.

DUDE! Welcome to Week 2. Do you realize what you just did? A very
small percentage of people have done the things you have in the past
10 days.
Lets do a quick recap. In Phase 1, you learned how to:
i. make yourself vulnerable by doing things youre not great at
(dancing. yoga. or whatever you did)
ii. approach and start conversation with anyone (you made friends
at the coffee shop and grocery store).
iii. put yourself out there and risk rejection without losing your shit.
iv. outsmart your fears around beautiful women
v. train yourself to deal with uncomfortable emotions that rejection
brings to the surface.

!34

For all of that work, you get a day of rest. Welcome to your day off.
You earned it.
While youre enjoying your time outside of the social arena, I want you
to reflect on a few questions for me.
What did you think of Days 1-10?
What were your favorite exercises? Least favorite?
How did you feel doing the exercises that involved women?
What pickup muscles do you feel are your strongest? What areas
are you weak?
What do you want to get out of Days 11-20?
Great work. Well get back after it tomorrow.
Day 12. Wear something really uncomfortable in a very public
place.

!
I wear rapper chains and capris in the mall.

It was tradition in Rome to wear a light purplish color when out in

public. So Cato wore black.
!35

It was also Roman tradition to always wear a tunic and shoes. So

Cato went into public with no shoes and tunic-less.
How often do we wear what we think were supposed to?
Whether you know it or not, you have your own light purplish
uniform.
We all see ourselves a certain way. Wearing something that
challenges that identity will be uncomfortable.
But thats the task today.
Wear something that you normally wouldnt something that makes
you feel uncomfortable. Wear something that will raise eyebrows. Like
Cato, try to bring ridicule to yourself.
Ive dressed like a buddhist monk. Ive worn capris and a chain
pendant longer than my belly button to a formal party.
Every time I go to a coffeeshop to write, I wear a weird pair of socks.
Spongebob. Louisville Cardinals. Whatever.
I probably look like an idiot. I dont care.
Embrace it. Bask in it. Because the man that can stand in the void with
people laughing and not crack, he is the most powerful one in the
room.
target muscle: mindset muscle
Day 13. Share an embarrassing story with someone important.
!36

Its always harder to share something embarrassing with someone

important than to a complete stranger.
Why? We respect them. We want them to like us and think highly of
us.
Today, were going to share the messy stuff with someone important.
A boss. A co-worker we look up to. A mentor. Our successful friend.
Call them and tell them something youve locked away in your hidden
vault. Tell them the humiliating story from this weekend. Tell them
about a mistake you made at work.
One common trait from all people with any level of social anxiety is an
unwillingness to share themselves openly.
Were scared of being truly vulnerable.
This exercise should become a daily practice for you.
The best way to beat shame/fear/embarrassment is to share the
messy stuff.
target muscle: connection and bold move muscles.
Day 14. Record a video of you singing/dancing to a song and
post to social media.
How ready are you to look like an idiot in front of all of your friends?
No? Need some quick inspiration?

!37

Check out my instagram feed (@thenakedspeaker - Nick Durham)

and youll see some stupid photos and videos of me making a fool of
myself.
Hopefully now youre inspired.
Today its your turn. Shoot a video of yourself being an idiot. Play your
favorite song and record in selfie mode. Or have a friend record you.
Then post to at least one form of social media.
target muscle: mindset muscle
Day 15. Give a sincere compliment to a random woman on
something other than her looks.
Todays challenge:
i. approach a random woman
ii. get to know her well enough that you can compliment her
iii.but compliment her on something other than pure looks.
This is tough for most guys. Theyll always take the easy way out and
tell a woman they meet how beautiful she is.
Maybe she is. But shes also much more than that.
The challenge today is to listen long enough to find out why shes
great.
You have to approach her. By now, youre getting better with that.
Now, have a sincere conversation with her. What is she about? What
does she do? Is she smart? Where is she from?
!38

Get to know her well enough that you can give her a real, meaningful
compliment. It will go a lot further than any comment about her looks
ever will.
target muscle: connection and bold move muscles
Day 16. Meditate with fear for 15 minutes.
The health benefits of meditation are now undeniable.
Studies say meditation reduces stress, lowers blood pressure,
increases immunity, helps with irritable bowels (what doesnt
meditation do?).
Jerry Seinfeld, who meditates daily, says mediation is like his personal
cell-phone charging station. When my battery is low, I meditate. And
Im almost instantly recharged.
Mediation can also help you work through your fears in a safe,
controlled environment.
What is your biggest fear when approaching a beautiful woman? What
will people think of you if you fail? What does it feel like if people think
youre weird or less than?
Set a timer for 15 minutes and meditate on these questions. Go as
deep as you can. Feel them. Get inside them.
If you do this right, it will be extremely uncomfortable. Sit with them.
Dont try to control anything.

!39

Once you become more aware of what youre truly afraid of, youll find
it cant hold power over you anymore.
target muscle: mindset muscle
Day 17. Go to a mall and say hello to 10 strangers.
If you want to a great place to practice with people, go to the mall.
There are people (retail associates) who are paid to talk to you.
Plus, there are hundreds of strangers there daily. Its literally perfect
for what were doing.
Your task is to say hi to 10 strangers in the mall today. How do you do
it?
You say hi to 10 strangers. Thats it.
Make sure they hear you and know you're talking to them. Use eye
contact and speak up.
Keep a tally and get to 10.
target muscle: mindset, connection and bold move muscles
Day 18. Ask for a phone number.
You have to ask for a strangers phone number today. Male or female,
it doesnt matter.
There are several approaches you can take.

!40

i. You can actually go after a woman youre interested in

approach her, strike up conversation, get to know her, and ask to
see her again.
ii. You can go up to a person you have no interest in romantically
and ask to hang out as friends.
iii.You can go up to any person you like and just get there number
for no reason other than to get their number.
The objective today is to ask. If you get the number, great. If not,
great.
But dont take our lack of concern of the outcome as an excuse for
inaction. Put in the effort and get to know them before asking.
Dont stop until youve asked at least three people.
A Quick Lesson About Getting Numbers: Most guys want to know
how to increase their conversion rates when it comes to landing
numbers.
There are three things you HAVE TO DO in order to get a yes to a
number:
1. Build serious trust - She has to feel comfortable enough around
you to want to hang out with you alone.
2. Create interest - Show here youre interesting and someone worth
getting to know.
3. Dont be desperate - If theres any desperation about you, you
have no chance. Check your agendas and insecurities at the door.

!41

But the most important thing you can learn about landing
number is this: its never about the number. It cant be. Its about
the intention behind the number.
Are you more interested in her or her number? Are you looking to
actually get to know her or just validate yourself by going out with a
hot girl?
If you care more about the person and not the adrenaline shot to your
ego, your conversion rate might go up.
target muscle: mindset and bold move muscles.
Day 19. Go to a mall and ask a female stylist for help and don't
buy anything.
How much do I love malls? You dont want to know.
Go back today. Go to your favorite store. And ask for help from a
female stylist.
You are in the market for a new wardrobe. Youre changing your style
up. And theres no way you can do it yourself.
Talk to her. Listen to her suggestions. Make casual conversation with
her. Make jokes about the clothes shes picking up for you. Make
jokes about how bad your style is.
Give her your honest feedback. And then(heres the kicker) dont
buy anything.
Have the power to say no.

!42

Even if you want to buy the clothes, dont. Come back another day.
Saying no is a hard thing to do. Its part of the exercise today.
Side benefit: you might actually learn how to dress.
target muscle: mindset, connection, and bold move muscles
Day 20. Tell a stranger you love them.

It was 6am at Dulles airport in Washington, DC and I told a United

Airlines employee that I loved her.

!43

She had just helped me change my flight with no additional fees and I
was ecstatic. So...I told her I loved her.
She smiled and laughed. Then I got a picture with her.
She said I made her morning.
Are you comfortable enough with yourself to tell a stranger you love
them?
Whats the worst that could happen?
Tell the customer service rep on the phone. Tell the person in the fast
food drive-thru. Say it to your boss.
Its meant to be said in a fun, playful way. Smile and laugh while
youre saying it to avoid any confusion :).
target muscle: mindset and connection muscles.

!44

Phase 3 (Days 21-30): DUDE, YOURE A

BEAST

!45

Day 21. REST AND REFLECT.

Im in awe of you. Youve done 20 days worth of fear conquering. You
are becoming a social beast. You should be proud. I am.
But do you think theres any chance in hell were going to stop now?
Nah.
Weve got 10 more days to cut through your fears and build your
pickup muscles.
But today lets take some time to recap and reflect.
In Phase 2, you learned how to:
i. look deeper than just initial attraction when complimenting a
woman
ii. train yourself to cut through shame and fear by wearing
something uncomfortable
iii. get to the source of your fears through meditation
iv. the truth about how to get more numbers
v. get more comfortable around women by using humor
vi. how to tell a complete stranger that you love them
Take your journal back out. Have you been writing in it?
While youre enjoying your time outside of the pick-up arena, I want
you to reflect and write down a few answers for me.
What did you think of Days 11-20?
What were your favorite exercises? Least favorite?
What b.s. excuses do you find yourself making?
!46

What is your conversational style when meeting new women? i.e. do

you use humor, genuine interest, your wit, when meeting them?
Do you feel like youre getting better at pick-up?
What do you want to get out of the last 10 days?
Great work. Dont be afraid to get out your journal after each day and
note your thoughts. It might help clarify some things youre struggling
with.
Now for the final 10 days. See you on the other side.

Day 22. Call a 5 star hotel and ask for a discount.

Whats your favorite hotel? The W in San Francisco? The Four
Seasons in Los Angeles?
Call them. Tell them youre coming into town this weekend. And ask
them for a rate on one of their suites.
When they give you the price, pause. Deliberate. Then ask for a
discount for being a loyal customer.
They will say no. (God, we love nos).
Don't give up on the first no.
Tell them why you deserve a discount. Dont lie. Just say you love
staying there and the price is the difference in you staying there.
See what they say (probably no). Do your best to keep asking. Stay
on the phone as long as possible.

!47

Then thank them and politely decline the offer. Unless you want to go
on vacation this weekend.
Muscle: bold move muscles
Day 23. Text 5 women who you haven't talked to in over a year.
You meet a girl, things are going well, you get her number. Then you
go to text her. You deliberate over what to say for hours. You sweat
out her response.
She doesn't respond.
WTF, You say! You beat yourself up and wonder where you went
wrong.
Let me say it again: Rejection. Not getting a text back. These are
insignificant things that you cannot be ashamed of.
We must train ourselves to be okay with no.
Today, your goal is to try to get rejected 5 times. Open your
phonebook, find 5 women who you havent spoken to in over a year.
And text them.
Say whatever youd like. Id keep it casual and brief.
Something like hey ___, its been a while. just was thinking of you
and wanted to say hi. how are you doing?
You might get a few responses. Or none. But thats irrelevant.
Target muscle: mindset muscle
!48

Day 24. Turn off your cell phone off for a full-day.
I realize this sounds crazy.
If youre working and need your cell phone for important reasons,
thats cool. But I do want you to try to do this.
Set aside a time on a weekend if you need to.
If that doesnt work, set aside at least four hours one evening and
completely turn off your phone.
The world will not end.
Part of the challenge of The Workout is to be more aware of your
behavior. You are trying to get to know your thoughts, your anxieties,
your urges.
Any free moment we have with ourselves nowadays, were usually
checking Facebook, scrolling through Twitter, hopping on Instagram.
As a result, we numb ourselves. We cant work through the emotions
we need to. We block out thoughts and feelings.
This is one of my favorite exercises because it teaches you about
yourself.
What do you do when no one else is around? What do you think
about? If you had three hours on a Saturday, what would you do with
your time?
These are crucial things to know if we expect to be good at pickup.
!49

This exercise also teaches us that were not at the beckon call of
everyone else. At times, we feel guilty about not responding to this
email or that text or not being able to make the dinner with friends.
It teaches us to value ourselves and our time.
It might help to journal about this one. How do you feel when youre
truly alone in your own company?
Target muscle: mindset and connection muscles.
Day 25. Go to a bar by yourself, don't drink, and start a
conversation with the bartender.
Wow I cant imagine how bad this place would be sober.
I know youve said this to a friend at 3am.
Youre at a bar, you look around at the madness, and theres this brief
moment of holy shit where am I. Humans do this? I do this?
Today, youre walking into that situation. Except this time sober and by
yourself.
Why on earth would I have you do this?
Because its going to make you really uncomfortable. You will feel
awkward being there by yourself. And it will physically pain you not to
be able to drink.
You dont have to go at 3am. Just go for 30 minutes at a reasonable
hour.
!50

While youre there, start a conversation with the bartender. Listen to

what they have to say. Have no agenda. Just be a friend.
This exercise trains you how to deal with uncomfortable emotions. The
better you get at controlling your emotions, the more comfortable youll
feel around women.
Target muscle: mindset and connection muscles.
Day 26. Tell 3 people you love why you're grateful for them.
Author, entrepreneur, and possibly the most vulnerable man in the
world, James Altucher, says practicing gratefulness changed his life.
He was broke, depressed, jobless, hopeless. And he cured all of it just
by spending a few minutes each day thinking about the things he had
going for him.
I hope this doesnt sound self-help-y. It's not. Its proactive and very
difficult to do.
Thats why you havent done it before.
We all have people who love us and make our lives better. Family,
friends, co-workers were close with.
Today, I want you to reach out to 3. Go see them. Call them. Texting is
not good enough for something like this.
Tell them why youre grateful for them and how they make your life
better.

!51

Vulnerability is the key to genuine connection.

Target muscle: mindset, connection, and bold move muscles.
Day 27. Go to a mall and trade shirts with a dude.
Im in a mall in Tampa, FL. Its 8 oclock at night and a random dude
comes up to me
Hey man, I have a weird request. Oh god.
Im doing a project for at camp and my task is to change shirts with
someone.
I laughed. And then gave him my shirt. Why not? This guy had the
balls to ask me (I was just wearing a white undershirt anyway).
I included this in the program because its incredibly awkward. But
also doable.
The goal is to get the shirt. But remember, the first step is just to ask.
How many times have you wanted to ask out a woman, but just
havent had the guts to? This exercise teaches you how to get past
the awkwardness and rip the bandaid off.
Target muscle: mindset and bold move muscles
Day 28. Snow angels in a crowded store.
Potential locations: Department stores. Coffee shops. Target. Lowes.
Home Depot.

!52

Heres how to do it: Lay on the ground. Take a few moments to get
comfortable. Do your yoga stretches or whatever. Now break out your
best snow angel. Stay down for at least 20 seconds.
FEEL THE SOFT LUSHUS SNO..I MEAN CONCRETE FLOOR
BENEATH YOU.
Close your eyes. Dont even look around at peoples reactions. Who
cares?
Definitely have a friend record this if possible :). Share it in the
Facebook group!
Target muscle: mindset and bold move muscles
Day 29. Ask out a girl that youre interested in.
Youve liked her for a while now. Youve dreamt about taking her out
for a night. But for whatever reason, you havent made a move yet.
One of the boldest moves we can make as men is expressing our
interest in a woman. Telling her directly how we feel and asking her to
give us a chance.
Its a gut-wrenching moment for all of us. But its also one of the most
exhilarating moments we have as humans. Your adrenaline is
pumping, were nervous as all hell. But damn, we are alive. I love it.
Today, I want you to experience that moment. Ask the girl out. If you
can, do it in person. If you cant in person, give her a call, text her,
send her a Facebook message.

!53

I know youre worried about rejection and/or coming off as the creepy
guy.
I get it. Ive been there.
Heres how you can do it smoothly and make sure its non-threatening:
Confess your interest in a non-creepy way and ask to see her again.
Say: Look, I know this might sound weird because we just met, but
Ive had a lot of fun talking with you and Id love to take you out to
drinks sometime. Would you be up for that?
Do you see how simple that is?
It works because:
You circumvent creepy by acknowledging that its a lot to ask: look I
know this might be weird since weve just met.
You pay her a genuine compliment: you are fun to talk to.
You create interest by being direct and honest: I want to grab drinks
with you.
Day 30. Do some Honest Pick-Up.
Hey man. You made it. Today is the last day.

If you remember, one of the key components to seduction is having a

short memory. So whether yesterday went well or not so well, it
doesnt matter. We wake to a new day.

Today, lets put it all together.

!54

By now, youve done a lot of approaches. Youve had a lot of genuine

conversations. Youve really trained yourself to act with fear in the pit
of your stomach. Youve learned about yourself and your unique
strengths. Youve learned how to be bold.
Theres no doubt in my mind youre ready to do some Honest Pick-Up.
Honest Pick-Up is a little different than what you might think.
Frankly, I hate going out with the sole intention of just picking up
women. It feels forced to me. You have a hidden agenda and it just
feels off.
So when I go out to practice pickup or to meet women, I always make
my first priority just having fun.
Ill try to talk to as many people as I can, not just women.
I try to be as genuinely interested in the other person as I possibly can
be. I listen. I actually care.
And if it just so happens I have the chance to meet a woman Im
interested in, I am going to go talk to her.
Your only objective today is to give it a try.
Go to a place youre comfortable with. Bring a friend or go by yourself.
And go not with the intention of having to meet a 10 or having to get a
phone number.
Just go have fun man. Go enjoy yourself. Talk to people. Get to know
them.

!55

And if it just so happens theres a great girl there, go get to know her
too.

!56

The Aftereffects: what happens

after its all over
Can we all let out a deep exhale together?
Youve officially made it to the other side. Congratulations.
If I could buy you a beer, I would.
You just stood face-to-face with some serious fears that most human
beings will never have the courage to. And you made it out alive.
Its quite a feat.
Maybe youre wondering what now. Where do you go from here?
First of all, take a few days to yourself and relax.
You have stretched yourself to the max mentally and emotionally over
the last 30 days. So take a few days. Relax. And let your body
recover.
Now to answer your question about where to next:
That question is completely up to you and what youre looking to
accomplish.
Start by considering a few questions.

!57

What are your biggest areas of improvement? On a scale of 1-10 how

confident do you feel picking up attractive women? Are you where you
would like to be?
If youre satisfied with your results and feel great, awesome.
I would recommend to push yourself to take a few of the exercises
from the list and challenge yourself weekly to keep your pick-up
muscles toned and strong.
If you feel like you still have work to do, thats cool too.
My recommendation would be to identify your weak points. What
exercises that were just too much? Where did your fears really balloon
and feel unbearable?
From there, youll have a good idea of the muscles you need to
strengthen.
Ease back into your routine slowly. Dont feel like you need ask for a
number everyday for 2 weeks if thats where youre weak.
Instead, take it slow. Start the program over if you need to. And build
from there.
If youre having some specific issues or need help in a few areas, Im
available to contact via email at nick@honestpickup.com.
At the very least, Id love for you to reach out and tell me your
experience. I read and respond to every email.

!58

Lastly, I want to thank all of you for reading. Your courage inspires me
to keep writing, keep creating, and keep spreading the message about
truthful seduction.
Thanks for being awesome.

!59