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Jonathan Ng

Prof. Avilez

ENGL 370

Dec. 6, 2016

Malady

Being unwell is an experience which every person goes through. Whether it is a

temporary ailment, or a long-term illness, the persons state of being is altered. While sick, their

daily life is changed both internally and externally as a result of their condition. On an intrinsic

level, there is a shift in focus to the symptoms of ones illness while on an extrinsic level, the

individual is often socially isolated. Ultimately, the persons identity is changed throughout their

period of sickness as a result of having to constantly account for it. For my final project, I tried to

convey the human experience of illness through the medium I know best, music. I wrote a

composition describing an individuals journey through sickness and recovery, drawing on many

of the themes of illness and disorder which we discussed in class.

In order to more accurately portray the human experience of sickness, I began my

composition process by reading various accounts of individuals experiences with sickness, such

as Gertrudis Torress battle with breast cancer and Terre Hautes story of living with Crohns

Disease (Otis, Crash). Throughout my readings, I found that there were common patterns

between each story. On initial diagnosis, each persons life was disrupted to a significant degree.

Gertrudis describes this feeling of disorder, Its like when youre playing and somebody grabs

ahold of you and you try to move but you cant (Otis). I found that this was often followed by a

period of grief and loneliness. However, patients tended towards a mindset of hope and optimism

as time progressed. For example, Terre Haute built a personal styling service for women with
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ostomy bags (Crash). Even in this mindset of hope though, individuals still placed a significant

emphasis on their condition within their overall identity.

My composition, titled Malady, describes an individuals journey through a serious,

debilitating illness. It incorporates both pre-written and improvisational elements in order to

reflect the unplanned nature of sickness, and is separated into three parts: before the malady, the

initial state of chaos immediately following the diagnosis, and the period of recovery and hope

afterwards. I wrote Malady for the violin and piano (with help from pianist Eliana Fishbeyn),

utilizing the two instruments to portray, respectively, the actions and internal thoughts, and the

environmental and external factors of the individual.

The first section of the piece describes the individuals life prior to diagnosis. I carefully

chose a melodic theme which demonstrated the relative serenity with which people go about

their daily lives when healthy. Each action and thought has a logical external response. Even as

the initial symptoms begin to creep in portrayed through the violins melodic stutters and falls

starting at 0:56 the individual continues life as normal. As we have seen in Matthews, Lannin,

and Mitchells article, Coming to Terms with Advanced Breast Cancer, which recounts the

stories of black women with breast cancer, this is not an uncommon course of action: many of

the women interviewed in the study had waited until they had unbearably painful late stage

tumors before seeking medical attention (140). However, as the individuals symptoms manifest

more and more frequently, they finally reach the realization at 1:14 that they are indeed

unwell.

The second section of Malady is largely an improvised call and response representing

the chaotic, impulsive nature of the period directly following the diagnosis of a condition. The

individual must cope with having to acknowledge their state of sickness while dealing with the
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diseases intensifying symptoms, such as the wracking cough which starts in 1:24. As a result of

the improvised interactions between the violin and piano, this section sounds more nebulous with

the violin becoming increasingly frantic. Its melody is met with less and less of a response,

cumulating in wails at 1:47. The piano drops out entirely at 2:03, simulating the sense of

loneliness and isolation which the individual feels as a result of their illness. This feeling of

social isolation is often present in a state of sickness, as we read in Cherrie Moragas play,

Heroes and Saints. Through Cerezita, we see that this isolation is driven by a negative social

stigma surrounding illness, which consequently causes a sense of embarrassment in those close

to the unwell, and oftentimes, the unwell themselves (Moraga).

Following this isolation, the second section flows into the third and final section, in

which the individual begins the recovery process. It references the melodic themes present in the

first section, albeit more timidly, as if the individual had forgotten what normal life was like

before their illness. Occasional coughs still permeate the melody, showing that while the

individual is no longer debilitated, a debilitating illness can still leave lasting effects.

The process of writing Malady was very eye-opening. It gave me a deeper

understanding into the experience of being unwell from the sick individuals point of view.

During my reading phase when gathering articles recounting illnesses, I found that the

overwhelming majority of articles spoke of diseases from a third-person point of view, outlining

only the scientific and risk-related aspects of a condition. It was a challenge to find articles

which told of the human experience of a disease. This disproportionality speaks to how as a

society, people are much more interested in knowing how a disease works and how to avoid it

rather than what it is actually like. I enjoyed the task of building a narrative of illness from the

patients perspective instead.

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Citations

Crash, Melissa. "This Saved My Life. Terre Haute Woman Living With Crohns Disease

Shares Her Story." WTHITV.com. WTHITV, 01 Dec. 2016. Web. 06 Dec. 2016.

Matthews, Holly F., Donald R. Lannin, and James P. Mitchell. "Coming to Terms With

Advanced Breast Cancer: Black Women's Narratives from Eastern North Carolina." The

Social Medicine Reader (1994): 137-63. Web. 6 Dec. 2016.

Moraga, Cherrie. Heroes and Saints & Other Plays. Albuquerque: West End, 1994. 85-149.

Print.

Otis, John. "Despite Cancer Diagnosis and Husbands Death, Keeping a Positive Outlook." The

New York Times. The New York Times, 05 Dec. 2016. Web. 06 Dec. 2016.