FEBRUARY 2017

2 WHAT IS LOVE?
SHUBHI SAHNI
Trinity students answer the age-old question; some
with more positivity than others.

4 MUST-READS ABOUT LOVE

ABBY LENDVAI
Book and podcast recommendations for obnoxious
lovers and single pringles alike.

5 WHY YOU ARE SINGLE

RACHEL CHEN
Tag yourselves and your friends in these memes.

6 SLEEPING WITH THE ENEMY

ANNIE MACKILLICAN
28 MARY AINSLIE
EMILY LARMAN
Reminiscing about Trinity in the 16 CONVERSAT
JULIANNE DE GARA
A warning about the perils of dating someone from St. 1980s with a former Female HoA. A recap of A Night at Trins Landing.
Michaels College.

7 ODE TO TC22
ELISE WAGNER
From Trin One classes to late night study sessions, a
soon-to-be graduate reminisces on TC22.

8 STRACHAN HACKS
20 WINTER FASHION
ANGELA GU
Improve the Strachan experience not by getting better
food but by changing your thoughts. BILLIE ROSE OWEN
Combat the icy winter weather with these

9 SEX COLUMN fire fashion tips.

ALLEGRA WIESENFELD
Are you supposed to sit with them at Strachan Brunch

18 BEST DATES
the next morning or not? Find the answer in this
essential piece about the hookup etiquette at Trinity.
ARJUN GANDHI

10
Get the person of your dreams to fall in love
EARTH TIME WITH EMMA with you with these six amazing dates.

24
EMMA NORMAN
How to make Mother Nature your Valentine.
ATOM EGOYAN
11 PIZZA AND TRIN BOYS
MADELINE TORRIE
A conversation with the
MARY DEBONO & THOMAS ROBSON Oscar-nominated filmmaker.
A comparison between and ranking of Strachan pizza
and the Men of Trinity College.

12 CIGARS AT TRINITY
WESTON MILLER
22 THE HOME OF TRINS HISTORY 32 ANTI-KLAMACTIC
KLARA STRASSER & ISAAC WRIGHT
An interview with Slyvia Lassan about the new Trinity
DAMIAN KLAMBAUER
Exploring an alternate universe in which Carrie Fisher
A study of the romance and history of stogies at Trin. Archives. and Louis Riel find love.

13 THE 1T7 YOU SHOULD DATE 27 HISTORICAL COLUMN

S
AVNEET SHARMA
SaltFeed can tell you which 1T7 you should date
KAITLYN SIMPSON
A chronology of St. Hildas College, as told by the
33 BUTTERY SHORTCUTS
ANNA TRIKAS
Get the most out of the commuter experience with these
based on your Starbucks order. experiences of unapologetic Women of College. helpful tips.

14 A BROAD IN CANADA
SCARLETT WATKINS
Thoughts on Trinity from the foreign exchange student
30 FOR THE NEURODIVERGENT
VANESSA PERUZZA
An enlightening personal essay about dealing with
34 ONDIFAQ ONDIEK ODUOR
The Salterraes Advice Columnist encourages you to
youve never heard of. psychosis. celebrate 500 more days of being alone.

15 ALUMNI COLUMN
EMILY TSUI
Recent Trinity graduate and future UofT Law student
31 FITTING IN AT TRINITY
MILTON CHOW
A first year thanks the people of Trinity for welcoming
36 HOROSCOPES
RACHEL COPP CLARK
What do the stars have in store for you this Valentines
describes her life-alterating gap year and explains why him into the community. Day?
you need to take one too.

February 2017 1
WHAT IS LOVE - Shubhi Sahni, 1T8

When you want to

buy the really fancy
lube for someone.
DEAD.
Dario Toman, 1T7

Love is what bonds

Damien Klambauer, 1T7

How I feel about people together.

Jason Chan, 2T0
fries & maYonaise. Well so do ropes...
Ursula Carmichael, 1T8 Jonah Shallit, 1T8

I DONT THINK I HAVE EVER love is friends h i p.

LOVED SOMEONE OUTSIDE - Hlne Emorine, 1T8

OF MY FAMILY OR FRIENDS. What is love to me?

WITH MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS,
I FEEL LIKE THERE WOULD BE N o n exi st e n t.
Julia Sweatman, 1T9
SOMETHING MISSING IN MY When you care about another
LIFE IF I DIDNT HAVE THEM persons wellbeing just as much
IN IT. I GENUINELY LOVE MY as your own.
PLATONIC RELATIONSHIPS Sam Slisarenko, 1T9

BUT I HAVE NEVER GENUINELY Oh shit... Its a strange

LOVED PEOPLE I AM ROMAN- sensation. Its when no
TIC WITH. matter how much you
Emma Bailey, 1T7
want to be irritated or
Baby dont hurt me, not like someone, you
no more. just cant. As much as
Katrina Li, 1T8
someone drives you in-
A construct of sane, you always gravi-
18th century tate back to them. Julien Ferland, 1T7

capitalism. A feeling of happiness,

Maddy Torrie, 1T7
joY and respect.
Braden Kenny, 1T8

2
 the valentines issue
EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Letter from the Editor
Arjun Gandhi
Five months ago, I was sitting in Strachan with a group of friends when casual conversation led to an
SENIOR COPY EDITOR age old question what is love? Friendship, said one of my cheerier friends. Its that feeling when
Danielle Pal you enjoy doing the most mundane things with someone, replied another.

SENIOR DESIGN EDITOR Having listened to their remarks, I took the opportunity to put forward my own one-word response.
Madeline Torrie Dead, I quipped, causing my friends to turn to me. Seeing their concern, I continued. Love is just the
process of getting to know someone until they utterly despise you and your greatest insecurities, I
DIRECTOR OF PHOTOGRAPHY explained. Its a human construct developed to sell movie tickets, greeting cards and self-doubt. Its a
Sofia Jelovac lie, meant to make us feel like we arent enough if we dont receive love from the ones we want it from
the most. Love is the best excuse when apologizing for any terrible thing you do and the ultimate boon
DIRECTOR OF COMMUNICATIONS to tease when you want to get something out of someone. If you ask me, to hell with love! Lets live
Avneet Sharma in a world where were free of the pressures of the New Years Eve kiss and the Valentines Day date!
Lets live in in a world where we worry only about ourselves and our own needs! Lets live in a world
TREASURER free from love! Whos with me?
Rhiannon Langford
Suffice it to say that my revolutionary plea didnt gain traction among my friends, but it did spark the
COPY EDITORS idea for this issue.
Mira Pijselman Charlie Jupp-Adams
Ethan Raymond Kate Reeve As I calmed down from my outburst, it dawned on me that love is truly the most beautiful feeling in
the world. Though it may bring you more pain than you knew you could bear, love can bring you happi-
Anna Trikas
ness in equal measure. You know youre in love with someone when shutting your eyes cant dim your
DESIGN EDITORS image of them, when you long to fill your waking hours with them, and when your feelings for them
Amanda La Mantia Claire Shenstone-Harris are so indescribably unique that you wonder how it could be the case that billions have had that same
ineffable feeling before you. Love makes us braver and more selfless than ever before, pushes us to be
Shubhi Sahni Kira James
the best version of ourselves, and gives us purpose.
COLUMNISTS
Rachel Copp Clark Ondiek Oduor If the Salterraes job is to report on the condition ofas well as to entertainthe students of Trinity
Julianne de Gara Billie Rose Owen College, then it would be incomplete without an exploration of love, in the many forms it takes at Trinity.
Thats where The Valentines Issue comes in.
Angela Gu Vanessa Perruzza
Damian Klambauer Kaitlyn Simpson Im going to be honest. Though I still have one issue left as Editor-in-Chief, you see before you my
Emily Larman Allegra Wiesenfeld magnum opus. This is the issue Ive been planning and anticipating since my election eleven months
Emma Norman ago, and it would not have been possible without every single person listed in the masthead (on the
left). There are, however, a few people whose contributions I feel I must highlight.
STAFF WRITERS
First, I would like to extend my thanks to all of the writers! The quality of articles in this issue far exceeds
Rachel Chen Klara Strasser that in any other issue of the Salterrae published in recent history. Thank you all for opening up so elo-
Abby Lendvai Madeline Torrie quently about your diverse loves, passions, and interests.
Weston Miller Isaac Wright
One writer that I would like to single out for my thanks is Vanessa Perruzza, who has given us three
WRITERS incredible articles as part of her For the Neurodivergent column. Including this column as part of my
Milton Chow Avneet Sharma four issues will go down as the thing I am most proud of in my work with the Salterrae. Every article
Mary Debono Anna Trikas tackles another mental health-related issue, and with each word she writes, Vanessa aims to rid the
Arjun Gandhi Emily Tsui Trinity community of the stigma surrounding mental illness. For anyone that is struggling, Vanessa,
the entire Salterrae team, and I encourage you to take the tough first steptalk to someone. No one
Annie MacKillican Elise Wagner should have to suffer alone.
Thomas Robson Scarlett Watkins
Shubhi Sahni Next, I have to thank the design team for constantly pushing themselves creatively in order to produce
a visually attractive issue. Most notably, I would like to thank Shubhi Sahni, the friend and editor who
PHOTOGRAPHERS AND ILLUSTRATORS pushes me to work day and night until weve prepared the best Salterrae possible. I may hate you when
Sydney Bradshaw Max Levy were working together past 5AM, but I thank you now!
Ester Dubali Heather Nichols
Last but not least, I have to give my greatest thanks to our incredible student models, featured on this
Kira James Clare OBrien issues cover and back pages, and Sofia Jelovac, our ace photographer. Thank you all for your profes-
Pierre Kochel Alexandra Pavel sionalism, for your grace, and for indulging my crazy idea!
Amanda La Mantia Claire Shenstone-Harris
Lorne Levy For those of you interested in contributing to future issues of the Salterrae, we are excited to feature
your work in our final issue of the year, to be released in late March or early April. Start submitting writ-
ing pieces, photographs, and illustrations to salterrae@trinlife.com as soon as possible.

Trying not to be so salty this Valentines Day,

Arjun Gandhi
FEBRUARY 2017 3
The Lady Vanishes: Revisionist History,
a Malcolm Gladwell Podcast
In his new podcast, Malcolm Gladwell revisits often overlooked or misunderstood
historical events to gain insight into their significance. During the first episode
of the podcast, The Lady Vanishes, Gladwell introduces the listener to Elizabeth
Thompson, the first female artist to stand for election to the Royal Academy of
Arts in 1879. Unfortunately for Thompson, she lost by a narrow margin on the
third and final ballot of the election. In this episode, Gladwell also discusses the
triumphs and tribulations of Julia Gillard, the first female Prime Minister of Aus-
tralia. With wit and depth, Gladwell takes on sexism throughout history. I, for one,
believe that Valentines is the perfect occasion to take down the patriarchy.

Eleanor and Park,

by Rainbow Rowell
In Eleanor and Park, Rainbow Rowell tells the classic story of angst-filled teens finding love. But this book avoids the
clichs by exploring the awkward and painful truth of high school and first loves. Rowell is a fantastic young adult au-
thor who truly gets at the heart of a maturing relationship, expertly striking a balance between the sappy and the mel-
ancholy in her writing. If you dismiss young adult books because you think you are far too advanced for them, then
this book will change your mind. Heartbreaking teen romance is the perfect Valentines Day reading companion.

Fun Home: A Family Tragicomic,

by Alison Bechdel

Books Podcasts
&
Alison Bechdel is the sharp and refreshingly honest au-
thor/illustrator of this graphic memoir that explores the
difficulties of the family dynamic. Bechdel recounts her
youth in small-town Pennsylvania and her complex rela-
tionship with her late father. She is a frank, compassion-
ate and insightful storyteller. Valentines Day is not only
about romantic love; it is also a celebration of familial
love. Bechdels memoir is a testament to the love and
depth of her relationship with her father, and will inspire
everyone to call their parents more often. I also highly
recommend the Tony Award-winning musical adaption,
Fun Home, which is currently touring the United States.
on Love
The Fault in Our Stars,
By: Abby Lendvai

by John Green
Before you roll your eyes, hear me
out. With sensitivity and compassion,
Green takes the teen dying of fatal ill-
ness story and rewrites it. Inspired by
the story of a 16-year old girl named
Esther, Green does not skip out on the
tragic reality of cancerpain, shame,
anger, and depression. It is very hard
to find meaningful and philosophical
conversations between two teenagers.
It is also very rare to read a fictional
story within a story, much less one that
is even more interesting. Yet, this novel
accomplishes all of these things with
the perfect combination of sadness and
humor.
Born a Crime,
by Trevor Noah
Trevor Noahs brilliant new memoir
should be required reading. Noah was
born a crime in South Africa, as the
son of a white Swiss father and a black
Xhosa mother. This book details how
he spent much of his adolescence run-
ning and hiding. His collection of short
stories paint a vivid and poignant pic-
ture of everyday racism and the reality
of the life under the apartheid in South
Africa. His strong voice and keen sense
of humour pepper the memoir, offer-
ing biting commentary of the appalling
conditions of apartheid, and the rocky
path to freedom following its end. Noah
even includes anecdotes about his teen-
age romantic triumphs and failures.
Love yourself by taking the time to read
this book!

4
TOO SALTY FOR SUGAR
why you, a trin student, are still single
By: Rachel Chen

1T8s, cant get dates! my Salterrae editor yelled at me, over
two years ago. It was the night of Saints in my first year, and her
and a group of drunk fourth years had crashed (and trashed)
our quiet third Massey kitchen following Fourth Year Bar. She
was right of course; none of my friends had dates that night.
Jokes on them, I thought I wasnt even going to Saints.
Of course, as a 1T8, the joke was really on me. I finally decided
that I had to go to Saints at least once before I graduated, so
this year I asked three different people in succession as each
date bailed on me, one by one. Of course, I did still manage to
have funwhat night that ends with your sober sober patrol
friends, your drunken roommate, and 4am New Ho King isnt?
While I really wasnt being salty just now, I have to askwhy are
we like this? Then I rememberthis is why no one likes us. Tag
yourselves everyone, for better or worse.

SOCIAL MEDIA TROLL PRIVATE SCHOOL PRICK LAW SCHOOL WANNABE

- wants to be a meme queen - doesnt know any lyrics from Mr. Brightside
- enjoys flame wars on the Class of 2020 page - has Trin friends because they went to high - ignores the Bora Laskin law students only rule
- cant remember if they met people in real life or school together - probably in IR or even better E, S & L
if they back-stalked them - just got back from Pareeeeeeee! - judges dates by their LinkedIn profiles

LAB NERD LIT FRIEND SIDE HOE

- spends more time with worms than people - drunk 5/7 days of the week - cant get second dates
- thinks theyre smarter than everyone - has mastered the art of projectile vomiting - shows up late to Bubbly
- goes to the AGO to be ~cultured~ - still makes yo mama jokes - wants everyone but does not like anyone

THE MESS Despite all this,

remember that if they dont love you for the mess you are,
you dont need them!
Dont wait for their texts,
dont check their horoscopes,
and most importantly,

- puts vodka in her Lucky Charms for inspiration

- [her] Cond Nest meeting got pushed again!
- is a SCORPIO
don t
tag them in any memes!
- is actually just me, dont tag yourself

FEBRUARY 2017 5
 sleeping with the enemy
St. Michaels College.
Three words that are guaranteed to send a chill
down the spine of any Member of College. How-
ever, in a moment of weakness (or drunken con-
fusion), even the most loyal Trinitonian can find
themselves looking to expand their dating pool
beyond quad walls. Whether you went looking
for them or you stumbled upon them accidentally,
dating a student from another college is possible,
but does not come without its challenges. Espe-
cially if they come from St. Michaels College. If
you choose to avoid Trincest, proceed with cau-
tion. The following are six problems you will expe-
rience if you date a student from SMC.
The Gown Jokes
Trinity College has many traditions that we hold
sacred. Other colleges, particularly St. Mikes,
If you
choose
dont always see them in the same way that we
do. Our academic gowns, for example, may be
to avoid
perceived to the untrained eye as wizard robes
or other debasing attire. It gets a little annoying
Trincest,
when youre rushing back from a High Table to
meet up with your SMC stowaway and are greet-
ed with something along the lines of youre a
proceed with
wizard, Harry. Sigh.
CAUTION.
Awkward Hallway Encounters
If you live in residence, one of the most challeng-
ing parts about dating a St. Michaels College stu-
dent is sneaking them around the hallways of Trin
Proper or St. Hildas, trying to avoid running into
anyone. Of course, social encounters are inevita-
ble, and of course, the person you encounter will
introduce themselves to this friend of yours as
they probably havent seen them around Trin. In
preparation for this, prepare a false alibi for your
St. Mikes buddy. Safe options are as follows: Im
a commuter, Im a music student, Im visiting just Trin (or sometimes Vic) rejects. It is very pos-
from UBC, and I live in Sub-Owen (there is
no Sub-Owen). Alibis to avoid include: Im from
SMC, Im from [insert other college here],
Im in engineering, and Im from Ryerson. College has to offer. We eat in a hall while they
Conflicting Spiritual Views
Regardless of your actual religious affiliation (if
any), members of both Trinity College and St.
Michaels College tend to adopt their colleges
religious affiliation if only satirically. For Trin
students, this means exploiting Anglicism in the
most sacrilegious way possible. However, across
Queens Park, SMC students are under a some-
what enforced Catholic set of rules. These differ-
ences in denominations can get annoying, even
for the most atheist of atheists. For example, St.
Mikes students often feel the need to yell pray for
us in a sing-song manner at all hours, while Trin
students prefer burning things and bowing down
to bishops. After several arguments over whose re-
ligious views are better, youll begin to wonder if
the relationship is still worth it.
6
Trinity College Events
You will face many issues regarding Trin events if
you choose to date a student from any other col-
lege, but particularly SMC. First of all, good luck
getting a guest ticket. Of course, for smaller scale
events the tickets are plenty, but for Saints, Bub-
bly or Conversat? If you think youve any chance
of scoring one, youve got another thing coming.
The second issue is similar to that of the hallway
encounters. All night long, you will be introducing
your fellow traitor to a bunch of Trin students,
who will be confused as to who let the enemy into
Seeley Hall. Again, your safest bet to avoid being
shunned by 230 drunk elitists is to create a false
alibi.
Always a Host, Never a Guest
In residence at Trinity College, we live under rela-
tively relaxed rules, especially regarding overnight
guests. At St. Michaels College, this is far from
true. Due to their restrictions regarding opposite-
sex guests after 11, overnight guests in general,
and a strict ban on alcohol, youll almost always
find yourself hosting your comrade from across
the Park. This can cause many inconveniences on
your end, so be prepared. You will have to walk
down millions of flights of Trin Stairs to open the
outside doors because they do not have a T8. You
will have to keep your room relatively clean all
the time (though this is just to be polite and not
an actual requirement), youll have to store their
cheap vodka in your fridge, and youll struggle to
get them off Trin property before the 9am class
bunch emerges from their rooms.
College Envy
This will likely be the most sensitive area of your
relationship with a St. Michaels student. Though
they dont like to admit it, most SMC students are
sible that your cohort may feel a sense of resent-
ment or jealousy towards you upon briefly expe-
riencing all the magic and wonders that Trinity
merely eat in a room. We are often provided free
alcohol while theirs is taken away. Our events run
from 10 till 2, while theirs run from 4 until 6. We
both have chapels, but lets face it, ours is better.
Trinity College is a different world, and its only
natural for someone to feel envy when theyre so
close to the college of their dreams, and yet they
know that dream will never become a reality.
Again, dating a St. Michaels College student does
not come without its challenges. Lots of challeng-
es. But hey, by avoiding Trincest, at least you know
your babies wont come out with two heads and
an IR degree.
By: Annie MacKillican
Illustrator: Alexandra Pavel
An Ode to TC22
A
nd this is where I used to get drunk ev-
ery morning, said the middle aged man
who was standing in the doorway, hold-
ing his young sons hand of his young son and
slowly surveying the room. I looked up in surprise
from my giant armchair in the JCR, where I was
already playing catch-up on my third year read-
ings. Only two other students were in there with
me. All of us were working away on our laptops,
conspicuously sober. After a long pause, the man
sighed and turned away, leading the boy out of
the room.
I laughed to myself. Of course this sort of thing
would happen at Trinity. Our alcohol culture is
hardly a new phenomenon. But how ridiculous,
I thought. Out of all the places you could wist-
fully remember your time at Trinity, you pick a
single room? Granted, the JCR is home to our
famed Trinity College Literary Institute and sev-
eral messy James Bond Society parties, but surely
Trinity is not just about that. Its about the overall
experience.
Now a year and a half later, while preparing for
possible unemployment and guaranteed irrel-
evancy, I find myself becoming wistful. I will re-
member my time at Trinity College as a singular
experience (except, perhaps, Quad Party 2014),
but Ive found that there are some aspects that
stand out more than others.
All throughout my time at Trinity, TC22 has
been a constant. I was first introduced to its off-
colour carpet and poorly functioning windows on
my first day of Trin One. Back in my day, instead
Sometimes you can only understand what it means
to love something if you occasionally hate it.
of receiving t-shirts, we got many dressing-downs
by Professor Arne Kislenko. We trudged up and
down the stairs to TC22 every Tuesday for a year,
and were forced to watch each other squirm un-
der Kislenkos weekly interrogations.
This is how we learned the rules of TC22. It is a
silent study space, reserved for serious academic
stress. Regular users of the space have no prob-
lem silencing a gaggle of first years loudly com-
paring answers to their MAT135 problem sets. If
I had a dollar for every time Ive shushed some-
one in the room, I would be able to afford the ice
bar for Conversats 4th Year Bar. If that didnt
work, there was always the deadly, condescend-
ing stare, often enhanced by dark under-eye
circles and the blue light of a computer screen.
Ive gotten so good at it that if someone opens the
door and sees me, there is a good chance theyll
quickly back out of the room, hazarding the ram-
bunctious TC24 instead.
Life in TC22 has its sweet moments. Several re-
lationships have started in the room just below
Roost. In the fall of 2014, Eimi Harris (IT7) was
sitting in the JCR when Max Isakov (1T6), in a
last-ditch effort to secure her affection after all his
efforts failed over the previous two weeks, used
his best pick up line: Im studying in TC later.
Want to join? Their romance unfurled in TC22
and theyve been together ever since.
Ive made many friends over the course of my
time in TC22. The shared experience of being
stressed, tired, and over-caffeinated brings people
together like no frosh week icebreaker can. Stu-
By: Elise Wagner
Photographer: Sofia Jelovac
dents who you have never met will ask you if you
want anything from Tim Hortons at 1:00am. On
several occasions, sympathetic club executives
will bring the leftover snacks from their afternoon
events. The people in TC22 are good people.
In third year, I was surprised that I had not be-
come a part of the TC22 furniture. Almost every
weekend was spent studying on the brown plastic
chairs. The second semester of third year will go
down as one of the toughest academic times in
my life.
After that, I hated TC22. While there are good
times, the room is often a backdrop to self-loath-
ing, exhaustion, and fear. For every exciting mo-
ment, there is one that beats you down. Ive cried
outside TC22, hopeless in the face of daunting
tasks. Ive seen people starfish in the open space
between the tables and watched countless heads
hit the desk in defeat. Walking up the stairs be-
came a monumental task. The first-year spark
was gone.
But sometimes you can only understand what it
means to love something if you occasionally hate
it. I feel that way about Trinity College as well as
TC22. Now in my fourth year, Im back in TC22
on Tuesdays for a fourth-year seminar and each
walk up the stairs means Im one week closer to
leaving our college. Its a fitting end for the Trin-
ity stereotype that Ive happily become. I can bet-
ter imagine myself becoming that man from the
JCR, sentimentally looking back on the parties
and the events that define the Trinity experience.
There is one important difference between me
and him, though: I still havent gotten drunk in
the morning.
But theres always Quad Party 2017.
February 2017 7
 Strachan Hacks
Thinking your Way to Strachan Satisfaction
By: Angela Gu
Illustrator: Ester Dubali

Its February. Your radiator may or may not be

working (and may or may not be clanking as if
there was a little man hammering away in the
pipes), Strachan may or may not be drafty, and
second semester may or may not be worse than
the first. If my last article, or my current beating
around the bush, was not indication enough for
you, then allow me to be frank. My list of ideas is
pretty much exhausted.
Ill still be offering tips on how to make Strachan
food enjoyable (or at least bearable), but given that
theres not much to be done in terms of the food
itself, Ill have to do so by changing the way you
think! Its time to reignite your relationship with
1 When served a plate of ambiguous stew, do
not question the nature of the stew. Instead,
repeat: There are starving children in the Its time to reignite
world. Whether or not you believe we all
have a duty to help those starving children your relationship with
(Im looking at you, Peter Singer) is unim-
portant. Just repeat the mantra and choke
dear old Strachan,
down the food. and stoke the embers
of that dying love.
2 Sharing is caring! If you got an unusually
large helping of something you dont like, ask
a friend if they would like some. Preferably
do so before you start eating, because I dont If my last-ditch attempt at ameliorating your Stra-
eat other peoples leftovers. chan situation isnt enough to mend your relation-
ship with it, Im afraid its the end. Its time to

3 Beexample:
dear old Strachan, and stoke the embers of that
dying love. This is your chance to embrace Stra-
chan Hall again, to change things on your end,
and to say Its not you, its me. Adjusting the
way you perceive food can make such a differ-
ence! I cant promise that this is the solution for
all, as Im no relationship counsellor, but I do have
some suggestions.
When stuck in line at peak hours, do not be frus-
trated and annoyed. Instead, repeat: I am about
to be served healthy and nutritious food. Not
necessarily delicious, but nutritious. Yum. Think
about the food in terms of the macros you need
for your gains and the micronutrients for your
thankful for one thing every meal. For
Yas! There are cookies today!
OMG there are separate bowls of pine-
apple.
Thank goodness the fish isnt too fishy.
When you arrive in Strachan at 9:50AM:
Oh yay theres still food!
The hot chocolate machine didnt splat-
ter boiling liquid all over me (said no
one ever, but it could happen one day).
break up. Toxic relationships are unhealthy. Look
forward to the next instalment of Strachan Hacks,
where Ill be taking you all on a field trip away
from Strachan in the ultimate Strachan Hack
ditching it and dining elsewhere!
And if you are looking for fun food hacks that ac-
tually involve food, you should perhaps follow @
trineats on Instagram for fun food ideas, creative
inspiration, and to stay up-to-date about whats
going on with projects concerning the dining hall.

4
general health and well-being. Alternatively, take Finally, when the food at every station looks
this moment to meditate and be mindful. Close bad, think, at least Im not eating at Vic.
your eyes and focus on just being. Feel your heart
rate slow. Relax a little. Feel the hum and buzz of
energy around you. Feel the energy within you.
Breathe out the stress. Dont inhale any stress.

8
The Hookup Etiquette of Trinity
The Dos and Donts of Desperation Season
By: Allegra Wiesenfeld
Illustrator: Alexandra Pavel

Its New Year, New Me time, right on schedule for Trinitys annual mating season, which begins with the regret of not having a date to Conversat. That
photo booth was not meant for solo pics. In an effort to help out the Single & Stressed, I hit the streets of Strachan to find out how to have a successful
rendezvous with another student fee-paying pal. This is investigative journalism at its finest. Based off the incredibly scientific research procedure of asking
people in my general eating vicinity what their personal college hookup tips were and assuring them that their names and law-career-worthy reputations
would get nowhere near this article, comin atchu is a bizarrely specific, inconsistent, and questionably helpful list of Trinity after-hours rules and etiquette.

Everyone should pee after sex. Donald Trump has recently given

1 This is common sense, but lock yo door. peeing a bad name, but those few extra minutes of post-coital cud- 3
dling will turn your golden showers into burning, red rain. Dont for-
get kidney infections can also pop up if youre a masochist who would

2
Wanna be a little shit? Dare the member rather ignore the constant need to pee and increasing pain instead
of college youre getting down with to go
of going to the doctor and getting the magic pills that make it all go
to the washroom buck-naked. Itll scar any
drowsy first year taking a late night leak.
away. Urinary Tract Infections really live up to their terrible sound-
ing name, and theyll make you really pissy for the next few days.

Chart it on your hookup

4 tree. Dont pretend to be
surprisedwe all have one.
5 Leave after. While the name might be de-
ceiving, Twin (or Trin) beds are meant for one.

So, lets say youre serious about this thing. You want
The best part about a Trin hookup is that you get to see them to do something romantic, like make them breakfast. At
6 at brunch the next day. PSYCH! It sucks. Do you ignore each
other in a haha our genitals touched last night but were going
Trin, your options are limited. Theres the trek to Owen,
the grimy kitchens of St. Hildas, and not much else. Really, 7
to pretend it never happened way? Do you make eye contact the only thing you can do is order them a custom omelet
and throw up a peace sign? Do you give a half head nod (not a at the Stir Fry station. Violet will know their daily order
full one, thats too committal) while both waiting at the waffle of two-egg, mushroom, ham, no-cheese even if you dont.
iron? You two sit at the same table? Have fun when someone
asks where you ended up last night. No matter what, its gonna
be the most awkward morning of your life.
If youre a boy on a girls floor,
PUT THE SEAT DOWN AFTER 9
8
Photos from last night are up on the event page.
Frantically email the photographers to take down YOU PEE. If this is a foreign con-
the one of you grinding on some fourth year, be- cept to you, please, for the good
cause you have your grandparents on Facebook, of womankind, refer to Bustles
for gods sake! Know that at least five people have 7 Reasons Dudes Should Be The
taken a screenshot of your sloppy make out pics for future
Ones To Put The Toilet Seat Back
blackmail purposes. Hey, if it works out you now have a photo
that you can post on Insta on your anniversary. Down Every. Single. Time.

11
If youre greeted with a round
Oh look, theres a hickey on your neck. Good thing of applause the next day in
turtlenecks are in this season. COS sells dickey
Strachan, take a bow. If no one
turtlenecks if the res heaters make it too hot for a
publically cheers for you, dont

10
full cashmere neck cover. Rumor has it that youll
get the worst, Heres To ever if you sport your blotchy purple worryit means the concept of
neck too obviously. If youre greeted with a round of applause the you having sex isnt so shock-
next day in Strachan, take a bow. If no one publically cheers for ing that people feel the need
you, dont worryit means the concept of you having sex isnt so to congratulate you on such a
shocking that people feel the need to congratulate you on such a rare achievement rare achievement.

February 2017 9
 earth time
with emma
how to make gaia your valentine
I
ve never considered myself a religious per-
son. As a child, I was bounced around be-
tween several different churches, each of them
with different beliefs and practices, as my family
tried to find a community we liked. Eventually, my
parents gave up. I was probably thirteen or so at
the time, and I didnt know what to believe. Id
heard so many different ideas about what is real
and true, but if all these ideas had such ardent
supporters, how could any one of them actually
be real and true to the exclusion of all the rest?
Leaving religious things aside, I spent a signifi-
cant portion of my childhood out in nature. I was
raised on the edge of the Rocky Mountains, and
we would spend weeks at a time tucked away at
obscure campgrounds, miles away from the near-
est paved road. There was no need to go to church
when we spent an entire Sunday hiking; and
somehow, I think those days in the forest taught
me more than any church ever did.
In the mountains, the wind in the trees is less of
a sound and more of an emotion. It compels me
to silence. It was there I first noticed the way the
clouds move in the sky, swiftly from horizon to
horizon. If you lay still for a while, you can fool
yourself into thinking you can feel the Earth turn-
ing beneath your feet. It was only after I stopped
going to church that I realized this is what spiritu-
ality should feel like.
The Earth is vast, and I am small. I think I find
peace when Im in nature because I become a girl
passing through, rather than a girl trying to be great. This
is why its so difficult to see the constant headlines
about climate change, carbon emissions, water
pollution, the ice caps melting, coral bleaching,
and the sixth mass extinction. The environment
is enormous, more powerful and complex than I
could ever comprehend, and yet global warming
is somehow even more powerful than that. Not
I think I find peace when Im in nature because I become
a girl passing through, rather than a girl trying to be great.
10
to mention that the men with all the money and
newly-gained political influence (you know who
Im talking about) dont give a damn about the
Earth. What am I to do but feel powerless?
Well, Im not going to give up on what I believe in,
thats for sure! We have a duty to fight for the en- parks also have outdoor ice skating rinks. Bring
vironment; a duty to ourselves, a duty to Mother
Nature, and a duty to the generations who will
inherit everything we leave behind. We must
clean up pollution and slow our greenhouse gas
emissions. But most importantly, we must actively
encourage a love and a care for the environment
in ourselves and others. Not everyone grew up as
close to nature as I did. If, however, every person
took a moment to feel the dirt between their toes,
Im convinced that climate change would cease to
be an issue in due course.
I end this letter with a promise. In the words of
Walt Whitman: I bequeath myself to the dirt to
grow from the grass I love / If you want me again
look for me under your boot-soles.
Whether you already have a beau or not, Gaia
could use some love this Valentines Day! Heres
some suggestions for how to make Mother Nature
your valentine:
Treat yourself to a Parks Canada Pass.
Need a cheap date? Well heres your shot! 2017
marks Canadas 150th birthday, which means
you, yes you, can get a Parks Discovery Pass for the
reasonable price of $0! Of course, Trinitys clos-
est national park is still quite a ways away, so you
might have to postpone until you have more than
a weekend off from school. But how does spend-
ing reading week cross country skiing in Georgian
Bay Islands National Park sound? Or what about
a summer trip to Banff? That trip might not be as
cheap, but a free Discovery Pass is something you
dont want to pass up!
By: Emma Norman
Enjoy a romantic walk through one of To-
rontos many parks.
It may be chilly these days, but thats no reason
to stay inside. Places like High Park or the park
at Evergreen Brickworks are great places to ex-
plore whether its winter or summer. Both of these
some friends, a beau, or even go alone for some
one on one time with Mother Nature! Having
chilly fingers is a great excuse to treat yourself to
a hot chocolate or a coffee. Also, did I mention
that entrance is free to these parks as well? What
a bargain!
Take yourself on a hot date to the Allen
Gardens Conservatory.
If youre not a fan of the cold, take a trip to the
Allen Gardens Conservatory to warm right up.
The conservatory, which is accessible via TTC,
is essentially a gigantic greenhouse wonderland.
Theyve got turtles! Cactuses! Leaves as big as
your head! Statues that have grass for hair! Ex-
plore the greenhouses, or just sit back on one of
the many benches and take it all in. This is one
spot you dont want to miss. (Wait, admittance to
the conservatory is free too? Gee, Gaia sure is an
economical valentine!)
Check out one of the many winter farmers
markets here in Toronto.
Make grocery shopping an adventure at St. Law-
rence Market North, the Evergreen Brick Works
Farmers Market, or one of Torontos other week-
ly farmer markets. Many of the vendors at farm-
ers markets employ sustainable practices, and its
easy to find organic and delicious goodies. Both
the St. Lawrence Market and the market at the
Brick Works are open every Saturday, even during
the winter! And because its winter, you may be
able to find goods you wouldnt be able to other-
wise, like hot cider by the cup or homemade fruit
preserves. Stay open mindedtry a food youve
never had before! To make the day special, pick
up supplies for a meal and spend the evening with
loved ones making a romantic meal with Gaia in
mind. She deserves a little (or a lot of) love!
Ranking Trin Boys & By: Mary Debono

Strachan Pizza
& Thomas Robson

7
6 CHEESE PIZZA WITH WHOLE WHEAT CRUST:
SECOND YEAR WHO POSTS POLITICAL STATUSES
The Cheese Pizza with Whole Wheat Crust tries really hard, but just
doesnt make the cut. Yes, youre a cheese pizza, congrats! However, your
BACON PIZZA WITH WHITE attempts at being healthy fall shortIm eating a pizza, I dont care. The

CRUST: FIRST YEAR IN ROTMAN
The Bacon Pizza, like a first year Trinity student
enrolled in Rotman, is overpowering upon first
taste. While having your first sample, you need
not guess the flavour profile, as the bacon slaps
you in the face. While having your first kiss, you
need not guess what the first year student studies,
as he tells you at least fourteen times.
4
bleh flavour profile of the whole wheat crust lends to the general opinion
that this pizza has potential but ultimately falls short. The 2nd year stu-
dent with strong political opinions is quite a phenomenon at Trinity Col-
lege. Upon matching with him on tinder (where my bio reads slightly
interested in politics) the 2nd year Trin Boy endeavours to demonstrate
just how political he is. His bleh shared Atlantic articles and probably
plagiarized opinions on Hillary Clinton lend to a general opinion that
this 2nd year Trin Boy has potential but ultimately falls short.

5
PEPPERONI WITH WHITE CRUST:
VEGETABLE PIZZA: KHAKI-WEARING, SPERRY-CLAD,
SHIRT-IRONING AFICIONADO
ENVIRONMENTAL WARRIOR This is the Trin vanilla. While not the most attractive
Yay! No meat! Thats awesome! I proclaim as I sit down and acknowledge
option in the real world, in the Strachan bubble, this
the cute vegetarian eating lunch across from me. In reality, however, veg-
pizza reigns a solid average. If you walked the three
etables are gross. Healthy is gross. Why anyone would try to mix healthy with
minutes to the Buttery, or the ten minutes off campus,
pizza is beyond me! Strachan really drops the ball on this one, and it is quite
you would find a better slice of pepperoni, but for
obvious they use near-expired tomatoes on this sad edition of Strachan Piz-
Strachan, this is more than fine. A real world six who
zaTM. The only reason Ive ranked this pizza so high is that I think Mr. Eco
turns into a Trin seven-and-a-half, these boys are a
Warrior is still pretty cute, despite his love of vegetables.

3
dime a dozenbut for Trin, he is more than fine.

2
CHEESE WITH WHITE CRUST:
FLATBREAD PEPPERONI: REALLY
CUTE, UKNOWN FOURTH YEAR
This pizza is the attractive older cousin of the cheese pizza with the CUTE, SOCIAL TRINTM FOURTH YEAR
whole wheat crust. I know its bad for me, but I love that about it. This pizza is the elusive upgrade of your normal pepperoni. A
However, even something this attractive falls short, as there is too lighter, easier eat than before; more refined. Despite its excellence,

1
much crust and not enough cheese. Similarly, the attractive aloof
fourth year who even your Social TrinTM friend doesnt really
know doesnt try to be anything hes not. I know my pursuit of
him would be bad for me, which makes him even more attractive.
However, I know even someone as attractive as him would be a
disappointment: once I meet him hell probably be like every other
Trin boy, and he wouldnt be able to flirt with me to save his life has
potential but ultimately falls short.
it doesnt appear in Strachan often, only making itself available to
be snatched up faster than chicken nuggets at the Athletic. Simi-
larly, this fourth year boy has grown up. He has traded his basic
Trin sweater for a sleek black cashmere sweater. He is not the same
aloof boy that lived in the fireplace room in your first year. He has
moved out of res and up in the world. He probably rarely shows up
in Strachan, but when he does, I am sure to chase after him, just
trying to get a taste.

FLATBREAD WITH MUSHROOM: THE ALUM THAT COMES BACK HOTTER

This pizza has evolved. You will only see it at those classy receptions in Seeley Hall and the fourth years going away parties. Thin
crust that almost tastes like real food. They have taken the normal thin crust and added quality ingredients - cremini mushrooms,
pesto, even some kale. This pizza is great - its evolved, healthy, but it wont be here very long and only shows up on special occasions.
This recent grad is still sort of around but what a world of difference. He is at a different school, he has lost weight, and he is way
more interesting. His refined tastes and worldly (read: outside of Trin) experiences make him way more appealing. You will probably
only taste this once, before he takes off again to his new life. Then you go home and you have real pizza again. It makes you realize
that even the best of the Strachan pizzas were only good because your taste buds have gone numb from overexposure to the other
Strachan pizzas.

February 2017 11
 The Romance of Cigars at Trinity
By: Weston Miller
Sir Winston Churchill once compared smoking
cigars to falling in love: First, you are attracted
by its shape; you stay for its flavour, and you must
always remember never to let the flame out.
A cigar is a work of art, and cigar rollers are the
artists. Cigars have captivated the hearts and
minds of people throughout history, and smoking
them has remained the favourite pastime of many
around the world, myself included.
There is a certain romance to the cigar, from the
glisten of the oil on the tobacco to the intricacy of
the construction. Even the complexity and beauty
of the band lends itself to the romance of the cigar.
Growing up I was surrounded by stogies, smoked
by my father and his friends. I can remember prac-
tically growing up in Niagara-on-the-Lakes own
cigar shop, Customs House Cigars. I was taught
a lot in that shop, but above all I gained an im-
measurable appreciation for cigars. By the time I
was six years old I could distinguish the different
characteristics, and I would put that knowledge
to use helping customers pick out cigars based on
their appetites, whether it be a smooth mild Con-
necticut wrapper, or a strong delicious maduro. I
knew a lot, probably too much for a child my age,
and I found myself under their spell.
I found out where that romance comes from when
I was ten years old. My family took a vacation to
the holy land of cigars, Havana. There is no doubt
that the Cubans have set the benchmark for what a
cigar should be. Though there are amazing cigars
from Nicaragua and the Dominican Republic,
nothing beats a Cuban. Perhaps it is the environ-
ment; Havana is one of the most romantic cities in
the world. In the daytime, youll hear Cuban mu-
sic filling the streets, see vintage cars cruising along
the coast, and see the smiles of the Cuban people.
In the evenings, Latin love fills the air.
12
A cigar is a work of art, and cigar rollers are the artists.
In the heart of Havana stands the cathedral of bacco gently stacked on each. One by one, each
cigars, the Partagas factory, where some of the fin- cigar was rolled by one of Partagas master rollers.
est cigars in the world are made. I remember first At the front of the room sat a man with a newspa-
arriving at the beautiful neoclassical century build- per and a microphone, whose voice bellowed over
ing. I walked through the doors, imagining the vast a speaker as he read the daily news aloud to the
array of people who had walked along it. My fa- workers. Day in and day out these artisans create
ther was greeted by the factorys head of security, the beautiful cigars that the world enjoys.
a towering and intimidating man, who turned out
to be one of the nicest people I have ever met. We It is no wonder that Trinity students took such
were taken into the factory and approached what a liking to cigars. In the late 1980s, the Highly
looked to be a wall of cigar boxes. In reality it was Respected and World Renowned Trinity College
a secret door that led to the factorys private smok- Cigar Club was founded, comprised of a group
ing lounge. The overwhelming scent of cedar and of students who all shared a love of stogies. The
cigar smoke filled the room, while men sat in big club would meet regularly, usually in the JCR, to
leather chairs and couches, sipping scotches and smoke and drink fine wines, ports, scotches, and
smoking stogies. Along the walls were pictures of armagnac. A poster stored in the archives reads
celebrities at the lounge: Steven Spielberg, Bruce Cigars, Scotch and Poker: A Trinity of Sin and
Willis, Matt Damon, Pierre Trudeau, Fidel Castro, Vice, advertising one of the clubs events where
and most surprising to me, my shirtless and tattoo- all first years would receive a free cigar. At the bot-
clad father, flexing with a stogie in his mouth. tom of the poster the fine print read, Oh, and
not that were going to be gambling or anything
The general manager of the factory then emerged but, uh, bring a few nickels. The club would em-
from a back room, embraced my father, and intro- bark on an annual trip to Havana, sponsored by
duced himself to my mother and I. My name is the Yorkville cigar emporium, Thomas Hinds. It
Abel, and this is for you, young man, he said as he was so popular that even Provost Robert Painter
slipped a cigar into my shirt pocket. I was thrilled, and former Bursar Geoff Seaborn were members.
my first ever cigar! Though I was not allowed to
smoke it, I treasured it dearly. We were then given As Zino Davidoff famously said, the cigar is some-
a private tour of the factory by a man named Na- thing that commands respect. It is made for all the
cho (no relation to Nacho Libre, unfortunately). senses and all the pleasures; for the nose, the pal-
On this tour I realized the delicate work that goes ate, the fingers, the eyes A good cigar contains
into making a cigar. Rows of desks filled a room the promise of a totally pleasurable experience.
three times the size of Strachan, with leaves of to- Much like falling in love, a cigar truly is bellissimo.
Disclaimer: Smoking cigars is injurious to health. It can cause cancers of the mouth, threat and lungs, even
if the smoke is not inhaled. The executive team of the Salterrae does not encourage smoking of any kind. Please
understand the health risks before engaging in any such activities. Pregnant women should not be smoking at all.
SaltFeed
We know which 1T7 you should date
based on your Starbucks order!
Avneet Sharma
SaltFeed Staff
Love is extremely difficult to findthats not a hot take. Its devastat-
ing when you cant find it and you fail to become that successful single
woman. I mean, we cant all be Diane Lane in Under the Tuscan Sun.
Sometimes, a charming villa doesnt just appear while youre on a gay
tour of Italy. Coffee, meanwhile, is a helluva lot easier to find (go north on
Devonshire, right on Bloor, left on Bedford). And so, why not combine the
two worldscoffee and loveinto a relationship that was always meant
to be? Finding your new, non-committal (1T7 is almost gone!) beau can be
as easy as going to Starbucks and ordering your favourite drink.

Your order: Tall, Nonfat Latte With Caramel Drizzle, Your order: Grande Caramel Macchiato, into
which you pre-ordered for bonus stars with your which you will definitely pour a shot of rum.
Starbucks Gold Account. What does this say about you? Go home, youre
What does this say about you? You are a Subur- drunk.
ban White Mom.
You should date: Luis Lopez
You should date: Rhiannon Langford

Your order: A black-and-white photograph of

Your order: A Triple Red-Eye from the Secret Menu.
What does this say about you? You have been
awake for 72 hours working hard towards your
goal of becoming a dictator. Nothing will get in
your way. Youre also constantly disappointed by
Julianne de Gara.
You should date: Maddy Torrie
a tall Starbucks paper cup with no lid or sleeve
on top of a rustic wooden desk. High-angle shot.
Low-key lighting reminiscent of a gritty film noir
produced by Warner Brothers during the Studio
Era.
What does this say about you? I dont know.
You should date: Pierre Kochel

Your order: Medium regular coffee.

Your order: Grande Pumpkin Spice Latte. What does this say about you? Your lack of knowledge of Starbucks
What does this say about you? You try really hard culture is astounding. Its like youre not even a person, which youre
to be a Basic White Girl, which is cute, much like not. Youre actually just twenty puppies in a trench coat.
watching a baby panda try to use a cellphone is You should (go on a play) date (with): Toby the Dog
cute until then they eat it, choke, and then die.
Hopefully, this wont happen to you.
You should date: Sasha Boutilier

Your order: Grande Americano, no milk, no sugar

What does this say about you? You like your sig-
nificant others like you like your coffee: plain and
bitter.
You should date: Dario Toman

February 2017 13
 Ain
broad
CAN
ADA
By: Scarlett Watkins
My name is Scarlett, and I wouldnt be surprised if you dont
have the faintest clue who I am.
You see, I was quite the social recluse in first semester. Amongst
a full-throttled and fully unexpected culture shock in my first
semester at UofT, my long-term boyfriend left me for another
man. As such, Im only just emerging from my cave of social
hibernation. Nice to meet you all.
As Trinitys designated British exchange student, Im obliged to
share my verdict of Canada. Here is a quick character profile
of yours truly so that you can contextualise said observations:
I am a 20-year-old student who comes from Surrey20 min-
utes away from central London by train, a pretender at city
life who actually only lives in the peripheries. Im a poorly hit
tennis shot south of Wimbledon. I study English Literature at
the University of Exeter. Imagine an old peoples home full of
toothless fogiesthats Exeter. Not a lot going on, bar a whole
lot of white people and ancient architecture, famed for being
the affluent centre of the English wool trade. Interesting stuff!
Im a fairly stereotypically middle class white girl who took a
gap year and found herself in Thailand. Im particularly fond
of speciality teas and have a soft spot for vitamins. My weakness
is chocolate-covered Brazil nuts, which is an issue considering
I am lactose intolerant. Because of this and being a vegetarian
for 14 years, Im thinking of becoming a vegan. Basically, Im
basic.
So, can you imagine the shock when this self-confessed basic
found herself in the vibrant cultural hub that is Toronto. I was
a somewhat reluctant recipient of the year abroad placement
(I actually wanted UVic in BC #sorrynotsorry), but despite the
challenges, Ive really come to love Toronto.
14
Heres the challenges...
1. People not liking lists.
2. People not liking irony.
3. Heartbreak.
4. Humour. Canadian humour is
too intellectual. Literally nobody
makes any sex jokes or innuen-
does and this pains me. When I
compared my wrinkly eyelids to
a foreskin, I was met with a cry of
outrage. Why is this? In the UK,
sexual humour is where its at. Stop
being so nice and polite.
5. Heartbreak.
6. The difference in vocabulary.
I was not expecting there to be
such a stark difference. When you
say out you sound either aggres-
sively Scottish or like a demented
hooting owl. Nobody knows what
a Billy-no-mates or a tosser is. Its
agonising! I think my all-time fa-
vourite Canadian pronunciation
is a toss-up between the small
town bagel, pronounced bag-
ell(shout out to Isaac Wright) and
vague. Why do you pronounce it
as if it is spelled the same as bag?
In the words of one Donald J.
TrumpWRONG! Its a long aaaaa
godammit.
7. People at U of T are too clever
and the grading system is very
harsh. The Canadian system is far
harder than the English one and
its simply not fair. There are so
many essays 2 per term in Exeter
compared to 10 at U of T. Its mad-
ness. I feel very bitter about this as
my grades get 10 15 marks taken
off them because they consider
Canadian grading easier. They
dont know what theyre talking
about. Tossers!
8. Trinity is the oddest little social
bubble Ive ever found myself in. I
was utterly perplexed upon arrival.
I do kind of like it now, but in my
classically reluctant way. I feel as
though everyone has a love/hate
relationship with Trin.
9. The heartbreak continues.
Thoughts on
Trinity from
the foreign ex-
change student
you havent
heard of...
But lo and behold! After months of re-
senting Canada as an unfortunate con-
sequence of being dumped for another
man, I am now happy. Though I am
a proud Britfond of tea and with a
general resentment of everything not
Britishthe Canadian obsession with
maple syrup, the Blue Jays and the gen-
eral kindness of Canadians have won
me round. I just do not know how you
have the energy to be so nice all the
time. Its sickening.
I realise, despite my supposed love
for Canada, that the tone of this ar-
ticle is extremely negative. Canada,
you are stunningly beautiful. You have
amazing scenery and awesome people.
Youre bloody challenging academical-
ly, but despite this you have a place in
my heart. I am a very stubborn person,
and this piece is tainted by the ghost
of my past woes. As such, my love for
Canada is a very recent development,
only realized when ice skating before
the Christmas break under the beautiful
decorations in Nathan Phillips Square.
Yes, maybe I was with an attractive boy,
maybe he did look just like my ex, may-
be I am fickle and morally questionable
for thisbut I love Canada.
You get to -40C and you freeze bogies,
but youre bloody amazing. In Britain
we get to -4C and the country grinds to
a halt. Toronto is a friendly, fun, buzz-
ing, and eclectic hub of cultural diver-
sity and cool people.
I leave you with this revelation to ac-
knowledge that this is indeed an article
in the Salterraes Valentines Day issue:
Fall in love with a place, like Canada,
rather than a person. Canada wont
leave me for a man. Or, alternatively,
buy yourself a cat.
A
wise man by the name of Robert Aus-
tin once told me, life is more interesting
from a one-star hotel. When the idea of
spending four more years in a library within a few
months time became unpalatably unappealng, I
decided to take up his advice. I defered studying
law across Philosophers Walk, and swapped my
vegan rucksack loaded with books and a laptop
for a dirt-stained 65L backpack filled with a tent,
sleeping bag, and a couple changes of clothes. The
plan: a road trip from Argentina to Alaska.
This journey of a lifetime will span from Febru-
ary to August 2017. I will be travelling with my
partner, whom I met in Azerbaijan last year, from
the southernmost town in Argentina (Ushuaia), to
the ice fields of Patagonia, and on a boat down the
Amazon River from the Atlantic coast of Brazil to
Peru. We will island-hop from Colombia to Pana-
ma and hitchhike to Inca Ruins. In North America,
we will buy a car and visit Yosemite National Park,
as well as the national parks in BC and Alberta. We
will end at the continents tallest mountain in De-
nali National Park. From the bottom of the world
to the top, we hope to meet the people and see the
sights that make life worth living.
My parents put up a spirited protest after I an-
nounced my decision, since they were understand-
ably afraid that after travelling, I wouldnt want
to return to school. But they couldnt see that my
travels always made me more curious about the
world around me. My travels abroad have opened
my eyes to a wide range of social issues. What Ive
seen and learned has strengthened, not weakened,
my resolve to go to law school and to be an advo-
cate. And even if that was not sufficient, I knew
I couldnt begin my next degree without a break
after almost two decades of sitting in classrooms.
In any case, I already had my mind made up.
In the months leading up to my departure, I picked A last word for those who dont have a clear plan
up any odd jobs I could find to save up for the trip. that begins immediately after undergrad, and even
I started learning how to cook (4 years of residence more for those who believe they do: take the time
will only give you the most marginal of life skills), off to go travel abroad. Firstly, there isnt a better
learning how to speak Spanish (una cerveza grande time than after graduation to do so. The gap be-
y fra, por favor), and polishing my Couchsurfing tween the end of one chapter and the beginning
profile (LinkedIn means nothing when you travel). of the next is the perfect time for you to discover
I took up additional opportunities to spend time what exactly you want for your future. Secondly,
away from Toronto by going to Austria, Germany, while youre still young, you dont have the extra
Yellowknife, the Netherlands, China, Rwanda, and responsibilities that will come with starting and
Uganda. Despite being on vacation for a year, having a new family (if thats the path you wish to
there was no way I would squander a second of it. take). Thirdly, if you are healthy now, dont take
for granted that you will be healthy in the future.
By the time you read this, I will have just arrived in
South America, so I cant tell you just yet how the And lastly, borders across the world are closing rap-
peace deal with the FARC is being played out on idly as the trend to renounce globalization starts
the ground in Colombia, what climate change has to have a real effect. Transiting through countries,
done to the Amazon rainforest, and what Trumps especially in the developing world, was way easier
fence along the Mexican border looks like. (If fifty years ago than it is now. While we can hope
youre curious, though, check out my blog at www. this path will be reversed in the future, if you wish
fromargentinatoalaska.com.) But there is at least to see the world, this is not a gamble you want to
one thing I can report on from my travels so far: make.
there simply isnt a better way to restore your op-
timism for the years ahead than by travelling. The Simply put, there is little to lose and everything to
shadow cast by the events of 2016 makes it easy gain by travelling. So, if you find yourself looking
to lose faith in humanity and be bitter about the up flights to far flung places when youre supposed
future. However, learning from people in various to be writing a paper, youre forgiven. Wherever
corners of the world and witnessing the beauty the you go, youll certainly become a better dinner
world has to offer will only strengthen your convic- guest than those who collected as many letters af-
tion to work towards a better world for everyone. ter their names as possible after graduation. Vamos!
For those who dont have a clear plan
that begins immediately after undergrad,
and even more for those who believe they do:
TAKE THE TIME OFF TO
GO TRAVEL ABROAD.
FEBRUARY 2017 15
 A NIGHT AT
TRINS LANDING
I
ts the morning after Conversat. Your phone
is full of photos you dont remember tak-
ing, your $300 repurposed prom dress is in a
crumpled heap on your sticky 3rd Kirkwood floor,
and theres probably pizza in your hair. Youre
half excited for Pierres candid dancefloor pho-
tography, and half terrified that your raunchy
dance floor hook up will be the first photo of the
event album. (Dont worry, only God can judge
you. Hopefully). Or, if youre me, youre once
again writing a Salterrae article 24 hours before
the due date and wondering what exactly youre
doing with your life. It isnt my fault that Trinitys
social calendar and the Salterrae publication sched-
ule dont line up! Im just the events columnist!
None of this is my fault!
This time last year, I had just finished my time as
one of the first year representatives for the 133rd
Conversazione. If you read my Saints article, you
would know that I tied balloons until my fingers
16
bled, got stuck on coat check for my entire life,
and generally partook in the slave labour expected
of first years. Then Saints came along, and I par-
took in the slave labour also expected of co-chairs.
(Shout out to Abby Lendvai for being the best
slave partner I could have asked for). More than
just bragging about my many accomplishments,
Im bringing this up because this Conversat was
the first major Trin event that I hadnt helped plan
in some capacity in over a year. (Yeah, no, defi-
nitely still bragging a bit. Sorry).
When I told people this, the obvious response was,
Thats great; youll actually get to enjoy yourself
for once! I was skeptical of this. Me? Have fun?
Me? Not be running around like a chicken with
its head cut off? Me? Not being yelled at for ticket
sales? Me??? Quite frankly, this was inconceivable.
Impossible.
But then I was informed that there would be hus-
By: Julianne de Gara
ky puppies-- I mean direwolves-- in the quad, and
I reconsidered. Maybe I could roll with this. And
thus began the week of events leading up to A
Night at Trins Landing-- not all of which I can
claim to have been to, but can assure you were
fantastic regardless.
Kick-Off, or A Gala of Fire and Ice, was exactly
what you would expect; the essence of a Buttery
party, but in Seeley hall, and with slightly nicer
outfits. Everyone was incredibly happy about this,
however, because it almost was a Buttery party
(thanks Admin). On a backdrop of pillars, laurel
wreaths and tapestries, Trin got down (sadly not
to Cotton Eyed Joe), presumably some people (?)
were asked to Conversat, and I almost flashed
both of breasts to everyone at the College (youre
welcome).
Sunday boasted a Game of Thrones Marathon,
which I did not attend; Grayden ate popcorn, it
was an excellent excuse to avoid doing readings.
Direwolves joined us in the quad on Monday, giv-
ing us all ample opportunity for that perfect Insta
(hit me up @juliannedegara). Tuesday had op-
tions for the athletes and artists of College alike
- archery dodgeball or calligraphy with Emily
Brade. If you had never heard of archery dodge-
ball until this point, youre not alone! From the
snapchats, instagram stories, and photos, both
events seemed to bring out the best Game of
Thrones characters in all of us.
Wednesday boasted the Red Wedding high table
dinner, where guests were entertained by the
acting prowess of Ethan, Rory, Neve, Graydon,
and Nadim (spoiler warning: some people got
stabbed). After somehow reviving themselves, they
brought us to the JCR where some of us (not me)
attempted to win a free ticket by trying to guess
the ingredients of the cocktails, and others of us
(me) just drank the cocktails and called it a night.
Future co-chairs: please do this every year. Trin-
ity College thanks you. Soon after, the Conversat
Debate followed, where members of college told
us exactly how much they love their sisters, and I
won a fanfiction reading contest by reading some-
thing so graphic that it cannot be printed in the
Salterrae and probably should never be typed at
all. (Message me privately if youd like to read it
for yourself).
Its fair to say Im now fully capable
of enjoying events I didnt plan my-
self and that Im looking forward
to the events I wont be planning in
the future.
Seeley was transformed into Ye Olde Bishops co-chairs Hannah and Molly, for their amazing
Tavern, where members of college showed off hard work, and for taking all of us on a journey
their musical talents and others ate the incred- through the world of Game of Thrones. Its fair
ible bacon-wrapped scallops. Friday had the to say Im now fully capable of enjoying events I
Heads-run Night Out and Night In; the blenders didnt plan myself - and that Im looking forward
of college could be heard from across the quad to the events I wont be planning in the future.
as milkshakes were crafted by Basil, and a little As we continue on in the semester, painstakingly
later on, members of college tried their hands at counting down the days until quad party, just re-
arcade games at Tilt. Saturday morning arrived member: When you play a Game of Thrones, you
much too soon for most, as the women of College win or you die. Chances are you died.
took the fields for the Conversat bowl - unsurpris-
ingly, the upper years took the prize, but only by
a margin of 21 points (at least according to the
first years I ran into shortly afterwards). Youll get
there one day, first year gals!
Finally, the main event arrived: A Night at Trins
Landing. Through pillars guests walked, marvel-
ing at the ice sculptures, tapestries, and what I can
only imagine was an exact fucking replica of the
Iron Throne. Strachan Hall was transformed into
Westeros, and this is coming from someone who
had to google that to make sure it was the right
name - but undeniably, we were all transported to
the world in A Song of Ice and Fire.
Overall, the 134th Conversazione showed us that
even though winter has already arrived, there
is still a bright light shining at Trinity College.
Thank you to the Executive Team, including
Photographers: Sydney Bradshaw & Pierre Kochel
February 2017 17
 6
Falling in Love in

The ix
So youve finally mustered the courage to ask out the person of your dreams.
By: Arjun Gandhi

Now what do you do? You could invite them to your dorm room and hope
they fall in love with you over Netflix-and-Chill. (The fact that you are
watching The Crown does not make this any classier.) Or you could show
your partner that you actually care by planning dates that will stay with
them for the rest of their lives. Call me a romantic, but Im a proponent for
the latter.

Figuring out what to do on a date can be daunting, but thankfully we live

in one of the most beautiful and diverse cities in the world. The T-Dot has
endless potential date places that would impress even those who are most
cynical of love. So, this Valentines Day, sweep your crush off their feet by
checking out one of these tried-and-tested dates.

1 A Downtown Stroll
Love is not stagnant; it is a constantly growing, changing
and moving force. As an apt metaphor for this, I always
encourage first dates that involve a lot of movement, espe-

2 Laugh & Play to your Hearts Content

cially if its around the city. Toronto is an incredible city to
explore by foot, and starting from Trinity gives you access to
just about anything youd like to see downtown.
The route I recommend begins southbound on Spadina.
This one street allows you to explore one of Torontos most
recognizable cultural districts, Chinatown, as well as the
hipster scene as you pass by Kensington. Once you hit the
Queens Quay, turn eastbound for a stunning view of Lake
Ontario and the greenery that trims the urban megacentre.
To conclude the date, walk back to campus up Bay Street.
Paying tribute to the 6ixs shining Entertainment and Fi-
nancial Districts is the best way to summarize the citys
Work Hard, Play Hard attitude.
Pro Tip: Do some research about the city and its attractions
before you begin your stroll. Being able to drop fun and
relevant facts will ensure that your date is free of perilous
awkward silences.
No one in history has ever returned from a date and complained that they laughed too
much. That is why this one works so well. To start off this date, head to Yuk Yuks Toronto
Comedy Club, at Richmond & University, to hear from some of the funniest people in the
country. The food and drinks are reasonably-priced and perfectly compliment a night of
heavy laughter.
But dont end the date there. While youre both still giddy, head north on Spadina and hit
up a board game cafe. I prefer Castle Board Game to Snakes & Lattes, but it depends on
what vibe youre looking for. The former is smaller, more cozy, and has fewer games, which
is a strength if youre particularly indecisive. The latter, though, has larger tables, more
game selection, and is licensed. Regardless of where you go, pick an easy-to-play game,
and the conversation will flow smoothly.
Warning: Make sure that the competition remains friendly. Throwing around accusations
of cheating during a rousing game of Candyland usually doesnt scream romance.

18
 3 Reconnect with Each Other & Nature
This one is for the outdoorsy couples and those looking for a quick escape from
city life. In East York, a subway and bus ride away from Trinity is a picturesque
trail, perfect for an autumn hike. If youre really adventurous, you can even whiz
through the bumpy trails on your bikes. The forest, a designated Environmentally
Significant Area, includes a wide variety of trees, many of which are more than
a century old, over twenty-six identified bird species, and approximately ten kilo-
metres of natural surface trails. The lack of cell reception in the forest is one of
the greatest strengths of this date, as it forces you to just talk, play and reconnect
with your crush.

4 Brunch Like Youre in a Movie

Every Toronto film buff loves that so many movies are filmed in the city but hates
that most of these movies dont acknowledge it. Toronto is constantly a stand-in
for New York and Chicago when producers want the big-city atmosphere with-
out paying big-city taxes. The F Word, starring Daniel Radcliffe and Zoe Kazan,
is a must-watch for any Torontonian, because it is unabashedly Canadian. The
film is noticeably shot in many beautiful-but-lesser-known Toronto attractions,
and one of its best-known scenes takes place in the pictured George Street Diner.

Watch the hilarious and incredibly relatable rom-com with bae in the evening,
and then surprise them in the morning by recreating this scene at the George
Street Diner, at the intersection of Queen & Jarvis. The pancakes are to die for,
and the lovely service will have you returning over and over again.

5 Go Underwater at Ripleys
In the winter time, youre going to want to move most of your dates in-
doors, and luckily, the city has you covered. In just a few years, Ripleys
Aquarium has easily become the top date location in the city and for good
reason. You and your date become kids again, as you freak out about and
touch the gorgeous sea creatures. I highly encourage you check out their
calendar and attend when theyre having their Friday Night Jazz or Sharks
After Darks events. The dim lighting during these events ensures you can
get that perfect silhouette picture for your Insta, and the music does won-
ders to set the mood.

6 Creative Tours of the City

If theres anything to take from this article, its that a little cre-
ativity can go a long way when it comes to impressing someone
with your date plans. And you dont have to break the bank.

For this last date suggestion, you can show how much you care
by taking your significant other on a creative and personalized
tour of the city.

For example, if you and bae have a sweet tooth, go dessert-

hopping. Find a street with a lot of bakeries and cafes (Queen
Street works), and share a dessert at five of them. Or if your
date believes that law is their one true passion, why not take
them for a walk to check out the seven top law firms in the city.

The sky is the limit in the 6ix! Have a Happy Valentines Day!

February 2017 19

W ith the arrival of each winter season, the struggle to part with our
favourite fall apparel returns. From trench coats to turtlenecks and
colourful scarves, nothing says urban-glam- but-comfy-student
more than walking to class in a stylish fall get up, Starbucks (or Strachan) cof-
fee in hand. So when the snow begins to fall and Torontos usual -40 degree
weather sets in, Trinity students must rise to the challenge and maintain our
fashionista status amidst Torontos perpetual snowstorms; for with great beauty
comes great responsibility. While most resolve to replace leather jackets and
sweater vests with parkas and Sorrels, it is time to face facts; snowsuit-inspired
attire is no longer cutting it. So as February fades into March and we enjoy our
last few months of winter, here are a few winter style hacks that can allow you
to make the most of the remaining seasonand find the necessary medium
between comfort and style.
By: Billie Rose Owen
Photographers: Max & Lorne Levy
colours & accessories
Bright layers and cute accessories are a quick fix to any
lousy mood on a dreary winter day. From a striped tex-
tured button down to a chunky knit sweater and a brightly
coloured jacketthis is colour blocking at its finest. Choos-
ing an unfamiliar winter colour as a staple item in your sea-
sonal wardrobe allows you to bring any simple outfit to a
vibrant state of cool. In the sea of black and grey bombers
that constitutes U of T fashion, you will effortlessly stand
out while still keeping cozy as you bike against the winter
winds.
Apart from staple pieces of winter attire, accessories can
be equally as effective in elevating an outfit. A little some-
thing extra goes a long way amidst a season that can be
summed up by the word grey. Following on Emmys sassy
yellow gloves, Phils HBC striped socks are an easy way to
sneak in a sense of personal style within the limited op-
portunities that icy temperatures permit. Subtle accesso-
ries such as these in various patterns and colours allow the
chance for just a little more creativity each morning, setting
the tone for a day that has a touch more positive eccentric-
ity to it.
So despite black slush and hair-freezing temperatures, chic
winter fashion is not as unattainable as it may seem. The
most important aspects of this season are simplicity and
warmth, and these quick wardrobe tricks are a few ways
in which one can put the fun into functionalbringing this
winter season from bleak to radiant in the blink of an eye.
 knEE SoCKS
While knee socks are often seen as the per-
fect addition to summer dress shorts or a fall
sweater dress, it would be a mistake to dis-
miss them in building your winter wardrobe.
Far too often, dresses and skirts are thrown in
the back of closets with the thought that ny-
lon tights are useless against winter weather.
However, cotton or woollen knee socks are
the perfect fix! Mix matching neutral coloured
socks with a pair of previously ineffective ny-
lons creates an outfit that meshes the best of
both worldswarmth on a chilly day and el-
egant style.

Even if black socks seem unnoticeable, they

add a subtle touch that radiates a sophisticat-
ed look. In this case, less really is more, and
subtlety adds a sense of mystery that is often
much more alluring than overt schoolgirl-
esque accessories.

GET phil's Look

the don t
45 $

Huds
ren
Lau

ons B
alph

ay $1
R
Polo

Penfield $465

e d o
th scarves
Come winter, any scarf youll find in de-
partment stores throughout Toronto will
most likely be able to double as your
summer picnic blankettalk about exces-
sive. Yet now is the time to take advantage
of that length and bundle up as much as
you can! Think of this as a recreation of an
LL bean turtleneck from your childhood,
but in a much more fashionable sense
that still creates a perfectly cute and care-
free look. As shown off by your fashion-
able peer Emmy, bundling up this much is
a win-win. Youll be suitably shielded from
our favourite wind tunnel on Bloor, while
your chosen accessories of the day will be
effectively accented. 21
 the home of

There are likely thousands of little known facts By: Isaac Wright & Klara Strasser
Photographer: Heather Nichols
hidden down in the archives. Special Thanks to: Sylvia Lassam

22
T
he trinity archives have not always
been as organized and efficient as they are
today. In fact, prior to 1963, they did not
exist at all. Before then, the records and histori-
cal artifacts of Trinity were scattered throughout
various rooms in the basement of Trin Proper.
In 1963, Dr. George Spragge, retired Provincial
Archivist of Ontario and a Trinity graduate,
was asked by Provost Owen to begin efforts to
consolidate the historical materials and amass
a well organized inventory. Spragge continued
as Archivist until 1969, by which time Henri Pi-
lon, of the Canadian Encyclopedia of History,
had joined the effort. He ended up staying ap-
proximately 40 years, until an endowed position
was established. A woman by the name of Ruth
Bell donated money in honour of her husband,
Professor William Rolph (4T0), and his uncle,
Dr. Frederick Rolph, a graduate of the Trinity
Medical College. This created the current en-
dowed position, the Rolph-Bell Archivist.
The current Rolph-Bell Archivist is Sylvia
Lassam, who has held the position since 2008.
Though many students may not know Sylvia,
those of us who have had the pleasure are con-
stantly reminded of the wealth of knowledge
that she has of Trinity. For such a small college,
Trinity has a substantial collection of records,
documents, artifacts, and art. It is Sylvias job
to care for, organize, and research all of these
items. She does this job with the utmost respect
for every piece of history that is kept in the ar-
chives; each playing a role in Trinitys culture.
Despite the importance of all of this history, the
current location is not up to todays standards
for archival work. The archives are contained in
two separate storage rooms; there are no read-
ing rooms and no proper archivists office. The
system for maintaining temperature and humid-
ity is also below standard. In order to maintain
Trinitys history, an upgrade was deemed neces-
sary. This need was first recognized by Provost
Orchard, who was an archivist at Cambridge
before arriving at the University of Toronto
in 2000, and becoming Trinitys 14th Provost
from 2007 to 2013. Alongside Henri Pilon, who
lobbied for new archives for many years, he de-
cided to make it his legacy to start the plans for
the new archives of the college. His affinity in-
spired Donna Haley (5T1) to donate generously
towards the realisation of the expansive project.
In addition to Ms Haley, the College thanks
Virginia and Peter McLaughlin, the Friends of
the Library, Donald Ross, anonymous donors,
alumni, as well as the SCCC for their contribu-
tions to the project.
Construction began more than a year ago and
came to an end earlier this year, hopefully al-
lowing the relocation process to begin shortly.
The new facility is to provide an office space
for Sylvia, reading rooms, a consultation and
processing area, and a display area (a case is re-
served for student curators). In Sylvias words,
the most exciting thing about the new archives
is having a display area, the public face of the
archives, because there are wonderful things in
archives but when you walk into an archive stor-
age vault, all you see is a sea of grey boxes. So
having those exhibit cases is wonderful because
well be able to put a public face on the kinds of
things we have. That will be really good for the
college, for the sense of pride and the sense of
our history and identity. It will be a great place
to showcase that.
The new archives will be a welcome new home
for Trinitys history. It will also help to solidify
the place of history in Trinitys unique culture. Sylvia Lassam, the Rolph-Bell Archivist at Trinity,
Some of the magic of the archives, as Sylvia told in front of the new archives vault area.
us, is the sheer amount of documents in the col-
lection and that you never know what you will independent community is important, and Syl-
stumble upon. For example, it is not well known via noted that despite joining the University
that Trinity sold a plot of land to Ed Mirvish, of Toronto in the early 20th century, we did
on which he would establish Honest Eds. There not join the Faculty of Arts and Sciences until
are likely thousands of little knownor not yet 1974, maintaining our own private professors
discoveredfacts hidden down in the archives. and classes until then. While today we are more
This is what draws us to them and what puts the connected with the wider U of T community, it
skip in Sylvias step. is clear that we are still distinct, and more rec-
ognized as a community than any other college.
The archives are not only a house of a physi- It is not a coincidence, and Sylvia believes that
cal history, but also a reflection of Trinitys cul- its something about the ongoing traditions
ture, which is distinct in its reverence for history. here; something that Vic and UC do not have.
When we asked Sylvia about this, she empha- You make it clear to people, in frosh, that they
sised Trinitys unique independence and tight- are part of something. Our traditions, and our
knit community. So much of Trinitys historical history in general, are an integral part of what
interests, she argued, is because students here makes Trinity so distinct.
feel themselves to be an intimate part of the
long history of Trinity College. The role of the The new Archives relocation has not yet oc-
Provosts, who are approachable because of our curred, but as soon as it does, we highly en-
small population, and often accessible; attend- courage anyone (students, alumni, and visitors)
ing musical events in the Provosts lodge today, interested in the colleges rich history to make
orin the days of Provost Orchardattending their way down to catch a glimpse into what it is
Beer and Beowulf . It is not often that you can Trinity has to offer.
have such open access to the head of your col-
lege. As Sylvia said, Its not just a figurehead on
the website, its someone you know. A fiercely
Sylvia shows us the Charter that established Trinity College in 1851. The green box pictured originally contained
Queen Victorias seal; at some point the wax melted, destroying the seal, but the charter is still intact.
February 2017 23
In Conversation with Academy-Award Nominated Director Atom Egoyan
By: Madeline Torrie
W
hen I met Atom Egoyan in the Hart
House lobby, he suggested we sit out-
side of the caf downstairs. It was an
unusually warm November afternoon, and stu-
dents and cars hummed around Kings College
Circle. At the heart of the university, Egoyan ap-
peared comfortable and relaxed outside the very
space that gave him the opportunity to explore his
filmmaking interests.
Initially we had planned to conduct the interview
over phone, given that it was hard to catch Egoyan
while he was in Toronto, but after a brief conver-
sation he offered to come by the University while
he was working nearby. I find that I have to be
careful because some people take what I say re-
ally seriously, he explained his reasoning for an
in-person interview. I assured him that Trinity stu-
dents reading this will take his advice to heart but
not literally.
about Film,
Trinity College
short film, and that film launched my career. It
won Best Short at the CNEs Student Film Festi-
val. It was weird, I wasnt taking any film courses,
but I knew thats what I wanted to do.
Initial disappointment would lead to an illustrious
career as a writer, director, producer, and actor for
Egoyan. His works would go on to win awards at
the Cannes Film Festival, the Toronto Interna-
tional Film Festival, and the Genie awards, (now
known as the Canadian Screen Awards). For his
film The Sweet Hereafter, he was nominated for two
Academy Awards, one for best director. His ac-
claim would put him on the map as one of the
most celebrated international filmmakers and a
Canadian icon.
This illustrious career began at Trinity College. I
had no idea [what to expect], it was a complete
Politics, &
surprise, he remarked, adding, because I am a
huge George Orwell fan, Id read about his expe-
riences growing up in the Public School system in
England so I could relate to a lot of it. I under-
stood the faux Oxbridge types. There were a lot
of those at the time, I dont know if there still are.
The people who really took the gowning in very
seriously and took everything very, very seriously.
I mentioned some of Egoyans classmates who
likely shared his experience of this new, perplexing
environment at Trinity College: former-CEO of
RIM Jim Balsillie, Stephen Harpers former chief-
of-staff Nigel Wright, and the writer, Malcolm
Gladwell. Egoyan chuckles, Nigel was talking
about being my chief financial officer for all my
movies and devote himself to budgeting my films,
and Malcolm was going to work on the scripts. And
you know, surprise surprise, they all reneged and

Egoyan was drawn to Trinity College because it

would allow him to get a degree and pursue his
passions through the Trinity College Dramatic
Society (TCDS).My day job would be a diplo-
mat and I would be solving international crises,
stopping wars, and then I would be writing plays.
So I thought Trinity College would make sense
because I would be able to get a degree, and I
noticed there was a dramatic society, the TCDS,
where I could do my plays.

In his first few weeks of school, when Egoyan

found that his play idea had been rejected by the
TCDS, he ran to the quad and shouted: God
where are you? Fortunately, he received an an-
The Sweet Hereafter won three Ararat, starring Christopher Plummer, Starring Julianne Moore, Liam Neeson
swer. I migrated to the Hart House Film Board
awards at the 1997 Cannes Film Festival, won five awards at the 2003 Genie and Amanda Seyfried, Chloe, released
and took this pitch for a play and made it into a including the Grand Prix. It also earned Awards, including Best Motion Picture in 2009, is Egoyans most commercially
Egoyan two Academy Award nominations, successful film.
one of which was for Best Director.
24

If you want to be an artist,
you have to first feel like you have something that is really original,
and you have to figure out a way that is going to tell it
that is going to be UNUSUAL.
That will make a mark.
had their own careers which still makes me really
upset. Andrew Coyne, the journalist, was also in
this cohort. Egoyan recalls, I did a couple of films
for the student administrative council and Andrew
was an actor in one of those films. He was doing a
comedy revuea sketchwhen he was at Trinity
as well, called Nasty, Brutish, and Short.
Among his other video projects, Egoyan mentioned
some of his more secretive works, which he assured
me are kept under lock and key. These were the
first video projects for Episkopon, which were pro-
duced by Egoyan. We made films for Episkopon,
but they were shot on Super 8, they were projected
and you know you could never have synchronized
sound. The sound would be coming from a sepa-
rate tape recorder, like a ghetto blaster. We are talk-
ing like ancient technology.
He adds, Episkopon was a lot of fun. But when
it was held to task years after I graduated, we all
got why. All the reasons that were pointed out all
made perfect sense. It was a boorish and indulgent
sort of activity and always was. When you look at
the old Episkopon books, they are quite magnifi-
cent. There was a time when it was done with a lot
of respect and care. I think by the mid 1970s, mid
1980s, it just lapsed into a drunken brawl. That is
not to say we didnt enjoy just parading to Trinity
Bellwoods. I dont know if you still do that?
Trinity then, as now, was a place of social change
and progress that also held dear traditions. There
were other issues in the forefront, in the late 1970s
it was very much about Gay Rights, [there was this]
whole idea of whether a same sex couple could go
to Conversat [together]. I am incredulous. That
was completely a debate, he confirmed, like that
was considered shocking.
Egoyan adjusts his glasses, and pauses before re-
flecting, I just think the danger of a place like Trin-
ity College is that you get completely enamored by
its own tradition and structures. But lets remember
that it was always considered to be a place where
there would be debate and where there would be
all type of different opinions. It was meant to be a
space where all of that could be celebrated. It was
never meant to be a state organization even though
that is how it somehow comes off.
like in terms of what you want to say,
a burning story,
a burning narrative,
You know [the cheer] We are the Salt of the Earth,
so give ear to us. No new ideas shall ever come near to us?
I confirmed that we still chanted it during Orien-
tation Week. That is a pretty damning thing to
chant, he said. I replied that I hoped it was done
ironically. I think it is, he mused, but I think
there are some people who take it a little too seri-
ously.
However, for Egoyan, these concerns are out-
weighed by the positive aspects of being at a place
like Trinity. The other thing is, he said, stirring
his coffee, I think that it is unique to be surround-
ed by people who are smarter than you are, have
more talent than you. And to feel that the bar is
pretty highI think at times that can be pretty
humbling, but that is okay. If you have a clear sense
of what you are destined to do, and why you need
to be doing that, it is wonderful to be able to use
those minds to inspire your focus and draw from
it. I think that is a really essential thing; is how to
find and fuel that sense of drive. It really does help
if you have a narrative that you feel is unique to
yourself.
When I asked him what he would never change
about the college, he responded, I just think it was
this incredible contact with people. I was in Ottawa
and I met these people from Trinity who I hadnt
seen for a very long time. It was this level of hu-
mour and understanding, you can let your wit run
wild and you wouldnt have to apologize and make
excuses for that kind of intellectual exuberance,
as an afterthought, he adds, There were also these
incredible moments when people didnt get the hu-
mour, and that was also hilarious.
***
W
e discussed three of Atom Egoyans
commercially successful films: Exotica,
The Sweet Hereafter and Chloe. The only
one which I expected to be commercially success-
ful was Chloe. It was a sex erotic thriller with Juli-
anne Moore and Liam Neeson and it was sort of
designed to be successful. The other ones were sur-
prises to me. When we discussed Ararat, the film
which he is most proud of, his eyes lit up. Ararat
was a film I made about the Armenian genocide. I
dont think it was, in any way, my most technically
perfect film. It got mixed reviews at the time, but
it is a film that continues to be talked about fifteen
years after it has been made.
Ararat, which won Best Motion Picture at the Ca-
nadian Genie Awards, was about a film crew who
was working on a movie about the 1915 Defense of
Van during the Armenian genocide. It combines
the story of a widow whose husband attempted
to assassinate a Turkish ambassador with the film-
maker trying to capture the genocide.
In the film, you are really dealing with the denial
of the Armenian Genocide, and you see this is
something that has been obsessing me ever since I
was at Trinity. When I was raised in Victoria, there
were no other Armenians. Mine was the only Ar-
menian family there. No one knew what an Arme-
nian was; people thought I was Jewish or Arabic, or
Italian. But I came to Toronto, and suddenly there
was an Armenian Students Association, there were
other Armenians.
It was at Trinity that Egoyan also met the Chap-
lain, Harold Nahabedian, who was formative to
the development of his Armenian identity. Our
Chaplain was Armenian-Anglican. He studied to
be an Armenian priest but ended up being [An-
glican] because the liturgies are very similar. All
this was mind blowing. I learnt the language, I re-
learned how to read and write Armenian. I started
getting really involved in the Armenian cause.
This newfound interest in his heritage also in-
formed Egoyans academic interest in the inter-
national relations program. My undergraduate
thesis was about the Armenian question at the
Paris Peace Conference, and my whole thesis was a
comparison between Woodrow Wilson and Lenins
views about the question of national self-determi-
nation [] these two polar opposites ideologically
had one idea that they shared which was the legiti-
macy of national self determination, and they both
used Armenia as a model for what that meant.
While in the midst of studying his Armenian
heritage, and later working it into film, Egoyan re-
ported tensions within his rediscovered Armenian
community. You have to remember that in the late
seventies there were these extraordinary Armenian
February 2017 25

terrorist attacks happening at Turkish embassies. I
was in the midst of all that with the student asso-
ciation. They were very volatile times. Being in the
Armenian question politically and writing about it
academically led towards this film, Ararat, where it
is actually discussed in a cinematic way.
It was a combination of my own aspirations which
began at Trinity College. I dont think it would have
happened if I wasnt at a place like Trinity. That
Chaplain, Harold Nahabedian, changed my life.
He was someone who just taught the Armenian
lessons, at Trinity College, of all places. Can you
imagine? Its odd. That could only happen at Trin-
ity College. Think about that. [] The college is
small enough to allow that type of relationship to
emerge.
***
E
goyan spent his four years at Trinity Col-
lege on residence, but during his fourth, he
admitted that having different dreams and
ambitions from his peers became difficult. We
were all very free thinking, but I saw that they were
very serious about pursuing what they needed to
do to get into law school, or to get into Foreign Af-
fairs, and many of them have become diplomats.
I realized that we were going on separate tracks at
that point. It feels a bit lonely, because there werent
other people doing what I wanted to do at Trin-
ity at that point in my fourth year. Still, these were
great friends, and we stayed friends, but they were
in a very different space than I was. He adds a ca-
veat relatable to some of Trinitys crumblier upper-
years, It was a mistake to stay in residence in my
fourth year.
Trinity students now
are not so different to how they were then.
You can be humorous and serious;
an artist and an IR major.
26
By the time I graduated I had a body of short
films, and I was able to start making my first fea-
tures. I made my first feature when I was 23, and
that went really well. It is interesting and I never
felt I was in the wrong place at Trinity College. I
certainly felt by the time I knew I wanted to make
films, that I needed to find other kids that were do-
ing that so I ventured off of UofT and I went to
Ryerson and met a group of students there, who
ended up being my collaborators on my first films.
This uncertainty after graduation had its ups and
downs for Egoyan, but he never wavered in his com-
mitment to becoming an artist. It sounds hilarious,
but my first job was working at the porter at Massey
College, and then I was in the playwrights unit at
Tarragon theater. I put on a play with TCDS in
my last year, and the artistic directors at prominent
theaters in Toronto, I dont know why they would
come to a student production, but they did. And
I was invited on the basis of this play to be at the
Tarragon theater in residence as a playwright. That
was thrilling. It wasnt a lot of money but it was an
incredible affirmation of my [potential].
He concludes, Whatever I was doing work-wise
it was to give myself space to be able to pursue
my creative activities. So that was a very perilous
moment, living on an apartment on Spadina on
Thompson and Baldwin with my future brother-in-
law [] and we were both just very committed to
being artists. The scariest time is when you gradu-
ate and you are just sort of saying this is what you
need to do.
***
A
tom Egoyans career has certainly come a
long way since those early days after Trin-
ity College, and his interests have expand-
ed across almost every type of art form. One of
the things, as I said, I was very involved in theater,
but I gave up theater to be obviously making films.
But then in 1996 the Canadian Opera Company
invited me to direct Salome, and I went
back into theater through opera. That was
an incredible moment. I really devoted my-
self to Opera. I have other projects I am
doing right here. Right now there is a ma-
jor art installation of mine which is at the
Mackenzie Gallery, called Steenbeckett. Im
working on two projects, one is a feature
filmmaybe shot in Chinaand the other
is a TV series.
My first gigs were as a director for hire. I
did episodes of Twilight Zone and Alfred
Hitchcock Presents in my twenties, and I
used those to subsidize my filmmaking, He adds,
but if I was in my early twenties now, I would take
TV a lot more seriously than I did then. It is obvi-
ously the medium that everyone is watching.
I replied that I had casually noticed the shift, with
some of my favorite shows, such as Westworld and
Game of Thrones, having the budget of many feature
length films. Egoyan nodded in agreement, Abso-
lutely, it is huge chunks. Westworld is great, but for
me things began to change when I watched stuff
like, well it started with Twin Peaks, and then ob-
viously The Sopranos, The Wire, In and Out, and The
Affair. I find it totally fascinating. All these things
that were exclusively the domain of feature film are
now part of the television language, and that has
been a huge revolution. When I mentioned that I
would rather have a ten-hour season, instead of an
hour-and-a-half film, he shook his head incredu-
lously, Absolutely, I dont know what that does to
your student life.
It was getting dark outside Hart House, and our
coffee was finished, but Atom Egoyan had one last
piece of advice to give to the aspiring creative at
Trinity College. If you want to be an artist, you
have to first feel like you have something that is re-
ally original, like in terms of what you want to say,
a burning story, a burning narrative, and you have
to figure out a way that is going to tell it that is go-
ing to be unusual. That will make a mark. You have
to be able to think about who it is that might want
to see that work and what is the best way to get it
to them.
Trinity College, his studies, his art, and his friends
were not separate worlds for Atom Egoyan, but
were mutually inclusive. Egoyan and I agreed that
Trinity students now are not so different to how
they were then. You can be humourous and serious;
an artist and an IR major. Reflecting on his time at
the college, Egoyan concludes, I think there are
people who think it is just not right for them, and
leave. I didnt for one moment.
Posters for two films and a
TCDS play directed by Egoyan
during his days at Trinity
 St. Hildas College
A chronology of the experiences of unapologetic women of college
W
hat is now a co-ed hang-out spot and
residence building was once a poised
space, reserved exclusively for the
women of Trinity College. Primarily segregated
from Trinity Proper and the corresponding Men
of College, the women of St. Hildas have just
as many hilarious, heartfelt, and inspiring stories
from their time at Trin.
The Inception of St. Hildas and the Early Days
Trinity College accepted its first female student
in 188433 years after its creation. Four years
later, it was decided that Trinity needed a sepa-
rate space made specifically for female students.
Named after the Christian Saint Hilda of Whitby,
St. Hildas was established with a mere two resi-
dent students and their Principal, Miss Ellen Pat-
teson. Initially opening on Euclid Avenue (now a
seniors centre), St. Hildas underwent five differ-
ent location changes before settling on the current
location on Devonshire Place. In the early days of
St. Hildas, nearly everything was separate from
Trinity College. St. Hildas had its own traditions
and college institutions, including College Meet-
ings, a Literary Society (half of which was a dra-
matic society, the other half a debating society),
chapel services, and Episkopon activities.
Of course, male and female students were also
intensely segregated. Men of Trinity could only
go on second and third floors of St. Hildas dur-
ing sherry parties (a fancy term for Pre) before particular romance! Today, many Trin students
official events. In addition, women had to receive
special permission to stay out later than 11pm.
Leaves were granted on special occasions if
women wanted to stay out to 12:30am; and a
12:30-Plus leave allowed women to stay out
until 2:30am, however, this was rarely granted.
Notably, in the first era of St. Hildas there was a
Photographs from: Sanctam Hildam Canimus: A Collection of Reminiscences
different kind of feminism, says Noami Kuhn,
speaking of the time when her mother attended
St. Hildas, wherein female-students were consid-
ered equal but separate in some ways. The sep-
arate institutions and practices were considered to
be very valuable...they gave women opportuni-
ties to develop in ways they might not have if they
were merely part of a male-dominated whole,
according to Kuhn.
Mid-20th Century Shenanigans
Initiation rituals and teasing incoming freshies
were common throughout the 20th century at
St. Hildas. For the entirety of frosh week, for ex-
ample, incoming students had to wear haloes,
which were essentially paper and coat-hanger
signs, complete with bells and ribbons. 5T7 stu-
dent Barbara Sutton explains our social lives
were, of course, at that point, of paramount
importance, she continued, and an incred-
ible amount of time and energy were spent on
Machiavellian strategies employed on acquiring
dates for the Athletic, the Saints, the SJS, and the
Conversat. Or just for Friday or Saturday night.
Sound familiar, anyone?
Reminiscing on her school years, 6T0 student
Sandy Brown told us about her experience of one
of the biggest social events of the year: Stop
the car, Im going to be sick! This was the end
to my first Conversat. It was also the end to that
Rosalie Rufeldss college-highlights sum up this
still find this relatable. However, it wasnt all fun
and games for St. Hildas women at this time. As
Brown notes, schooling and education for women
were seen as important, but by no means practi-
cal in terms of finding an enjoyable career. She
writes, for many of the women undergradu-
ates, our future was marriage.
By: Kaitlyn Simpson
Men of Trinity could only go
on second and third floors of
St. Hildas during sherry parties
(a fancy term for Pre)
before official events.
Not So Long Ago
As decades passed, St. Hildas gradually merged
more with Trinity College and its students. The
physical building itself also saw some expansions.
The year 1986 proved significant for women at
St. Hildas when Elizabeth Elbourne became St.
Hildas first-ever Rhodes Scholar and Kathryn
Stoner was elected as the first female speaker of
the Lit. Another interesting moment in St. Hildas
history happened in May 1985. Dean Elizabeth
Rowlinson writes, I noted that the ceiling of the
Kirkwood common room had fallen down, fortu-
nately at a time when no one was there. With
regards to social life, well, some of 7T9 student
period pretty well:
Kidnapping and blindfolding the illus-
trious and revered Karen McRae, trans-
porting her in Julia Cowans huge car to
a dungeon-like bar, buying her a beer and
leaving her there (very first-year!)
Walking by the Group of Seven [a clique
of stylish, attractive 7T8 women who
intimidated both men and women of
college with their sophistication and self-
confidence]
Fully participating in the incredible trau-
mas and triumphs that accompany the
Athletic-Saints-Conversat cycle
Yesterday, Today, Looking Forward
In 2006, St. Hildas residence opened as an all-
gendered living space. Now, all of St. Hildas orig-
inal groups have merged with their Trinity coun-
terparts to become co-ed. The Annual Saints
Charity Ball has stood the test of time and is still
one of Trinitys biggest events of the year. Rich in
history and tradition, St. Hildas has been integral
for female Trinity students throughout time.
FEBRUARY 2017 27
 get out of your
COMFORT ZONE
An Interview with Trinity College Graduate and former HoA Mary Ainslie
By: Emily Larman
I
m sitting at a small table in my fa-
vorite coffee shop awaiting Trinity
College 8T7 graduate Mary Ainslie,
Q.C. A contemporary of my fathers who
routinely argues cases against him in the
Court of Appeal, I had learned of Mary
through stories of her fierce legal record
and her praise of Trinity College when she
learned Id be attending.
Mary spots my table and heads over, arms
filled with yearbooks and Trinsight news-
papers from the 80s. She sits down in a
flurry, apologizing for her tardiness, and
after pleasantriesshows me black-and-
white images of herself and friends from
her college days. Mary was prominent on
the Trinity College scene from her enroll-
ment in 1984. She hails from Toronto and
had numerous family members at college
at the same time. Mary cites her desire to
attend Trinity stemmed from the proxim-
ity to her home but also to remain in line
with the family tradition.
As Mary begins to reminisce on her days
back at Trinity College, in which she served
as the Female Head of Arts from 1986 to
1987, she explains that perhaps the biggest
difference from the Trinity of the 80s to
the Trinity of today is the lack of gender
segregation. She recalls the former Dean
of Women for St. Hildas, Elizabeth Row-
linson, feeling strongly that the college
residences should be segregated by gen-
der, in order to nurture an environment
in which young women could feel empow-
ered by sharing their unique perspectives
and mentorship. The politics were centric
28
to the then all-female St.Hildas and all-
male Trinity Proper residences and didnt
often veer into co-ed territory.
When asked about her fondest memories
from her days back at Trin, she speaks of
her keen involvement in the Trinity Col-
lege Dramatic Society, where she met a
group of amazing, intelligent, creative,
and fun people. We were given what felt
like complete freedom and were able to
take charge of our own productions. She
reminisces on a soap opera entitled Terra
Nova as well as a production she directed
of The Front Page, which was a glori-
fied indictment of journalism. A group of
very talented Trinity actors even put on
their own professional show one summer
aptly named Nasty, Brutish and Short as
an homage to Hobbes.
Many of her days were spent smoking and
drinking coffee in the quad, playing Ga-
laga on her video game console, hanging
out in Owen House where a group of
intelligent, creative and artistic young men
lived, and studying in the Rigby Room
while working to get her BA in English and
Film. Her favorite classes were her film lec-
tures at Innis College taught by Bart Testa
as well as her TA, Charlie Keil, who went
on to head the Cinema Studies Institute
and is now Principal at Innis. At Trinity,
Professor Helen Hardy taught her philoso-
phy, a class she calls inspiring. She decided
to pursue the position of Head of Arts in
1986 because she was wanted to try to
contribute something to the community.
She fondly remembers the other execu-
tives, the sweetest Heads of College Adrian Clo-
ete and Jane Lister, as well as the Head of Non-
Res Jill MacDonald.
Mary appreciated the college system at UofT be-
cause it allowed her to find friends within Trinity,
but also the ability to find people from other col-
leges and classes outside of the bubble. The great
thing about UofT is that you are able to have
people with the same interests at your college but
when that expanded outside into the university
you got the experience of all different academic
aptitudes and that is really enriching. While she
has nothing but favourable memories for her time
at Trinity and for the college itself, her impression
is that it may still take itself too seriously as it is
often renowned for, which is certainly in keeping
with its reputation today.
The conversation then veers to one of Trinitys
favorite topics: traditions. Conversat was always
the best. So was the Lit, it was always really enter-
taining! In hindsight, she didnt realize then how
much free time they had as students. Much like to-
day, there were always free-flowing beverages, and
an atmosphere of reckless abandon and freedom
that pervaded everyday life. She says, We always
had money for beer, and not much else. Her fa-
vorite tradition was the March to Trinity Bell-
woods down Queen Street West, We would sing
in our gowns with candles as we marched to the
site of our conception. She also relays a slightly
more controversial affair, another one of Trin-
itys favorite conventions, which wont be named.
What was the point anyways? Fun? It really had
the express purpose of collegiality.
Marys time at the University of Toronto was cen-
tered around the liberal arts, and she was thank-
ful for the ability to speak freely and speak your
mind without censorship or political correctness.
There was really so much freedom. Though she
had always intended some sort of career in drama
or film, it was only when she decided to move
to Vancouver, feeling the need for a more dras-
tic change, that she realized there might not be a
future for her in the entertainment world. Thats
when she was lucky enough to get into UBCs law
school and chose to attend so as to have something
more going for her, despite being apprehensive. It
was there that she fell in love with criminal law,
as well as Vancouver, and embarked on a highly
successful career. Though she had never intend-
ed a future in law, she says that she was lucky.
I moved to Vancouver because I needed a break
and ended up finding a career that I love. She
was appointed as Queens Counsel in BC in 2012.
Her friend Gillian from Trinity has the same job
with the Ontario prosecution office and they have
ended up on cases in the Supreme Court together.
As our meeting draws a close and our coffees are
reduced to grounds on the bottom of our mugs,
I ask Mary what advice she has for current stu-
dents. I cannot express this enough, but get
out of your comfort zone! Meet as many differ-
ent people as you possibly can because everyone
has something to share and teach you. We also
discussed whether there is such a thing as an all-
encompassing Pre-Law stream. Mary felt that her
liberal arts education, and in particular numerous
insightful professors, taught her analytical skills
that were beneficial, although she stresses that
there isnt much to prepare you for what law will
really be like. Mary continues to flip through her
yearbooks, pointing to pictures in which shes fea-
tured serving on an editorial board with Malcolm
Gladwell and many other now prominent writ-
ers and scholars. Trinity College, quirks and all,
clearly makes a lasting impact on those who are
lucky enough to experience it firsthand.
February 2017 29
 For the Neurodivergent
Im uh, into murders and executions mostly. Patrick Bateman, American Psycho
Im uh, into female-centric erotica mostly. Vanessa Perruzza, Canadian Person
W elcome back to Strachans Sex Pis-
tols, the hot new strip-club in town
where the main event is the unveiling
of my brain, in all its booty-shaking glory. Youve
heard about my bipolar disorder, and all about my
misadventures in misdiagnosis, but are you ready
for the psychedelic third-part to this story? Cause
its about to go down.
It seems to me that societys conversation around
mental health has stagnated. As our understand-
ing and openness about mental illness evolves in
the medical field, the public is lagging behind in
its discussion. Depression and anxiety have shifted
out of their centuries-old taboo labels into a new,
modern understanding of illness. But it always
seems to stop there, doesnt it? Nobody wants to
talk about the parts of mental illness that are less
relatable, and perhaps even frightening. Nobody
wants to talk about being crazy. Nobody wants
to talk about psychosis. But this is the exact reason
why I started writing this column. Because if we
dont talk openly and honestly about mental illness,
then ignorance and misinformation will continue
to destroy the lives of those affected by it. Thats
why Im not afraid to say I have bipolar disorder
and, that because of my illness, I have experienced
incredibly damaging episodes of psychosis.
The experiences that define psychosis are outlined
in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Men-
tal Disorders as: delusions, hallucinations, disor-
ganized thinking, abnormal motor behaviour, and
negative symptoms. Lets break down what delu-
sions and hallucinations actually are before I share
my experiences with them. Delusions are fixed be-
liefs that cant be changed despite evidence to the
contrary. Like, I believe that Shia LaBeouf is a hero
and an artistic genius, and no number of DUIs will
change my mind about him. Delusions become
distressing when they are damaging, like a person
believing they are invincible, or that the FBI is try-
ing to kill them. Hallucinations are perceptions that
EVERYTHING
you think about being
psychotic is
WRONG
30
Im a Psychotic, Not a Psycho
occur without stimulus. If I see, hear, feel, smell or
taste something that isnt actually there, I may be
experiencing a hallucination. Many people take
hallucinogenic drugs for fun, so you might have an
idea what this is like.
Back in first year, I was put on an antidepressant
called Cipralex by my general practitioner, who
was convinced that I had chronic depression. Be-
cause I am bipolar 1, and therefore lean towards
the manic episodes of the mood disorder, being
on an antidepressant was very dangerous. Once it
started working, it didnt just bring me out of a de-
pression, it launched me so far into a manic episode
that it was months before I could escape, with the
help of therapy and mood-stabilizing anti-psychot-
ic medications. During this months-long mania, I
experienced manic-induced psychosis. Discussing
my psychosis is really difficult, and Im worried
that those reading this article may misconstrue my
experiences. Ill start by saying that everything you
think about being psychotic is wrong. When people
think about psychosis, their minds tend to jump to
the word psychopath. This misconception is dam-
aging because psychopaths and people with psy-
chosis disorders are different. In fact, psychopathy
isnt a condition. Psychopathy is defined through
various traits categorized as Antisocial Personality
Disorder. So Im probably not a serial killer.
If Im going to be honest, there are times when
my psychosis has led me to self-inflicted violence.
Sometimes, I am convinced that the people around
me are plotting to kill me. Sometimes, I believe that
I have to smash my head into things to kill a part
of my brain. Sometimes, I feel things on my body
that arent there, like bugs crawling under my skin,
or people touching me. Sometimes, I disconnect
from parts of my body and struggle to believe that
they belong to me at all. Sometimes I see things that
arent happening.
And all of that is okay.
When I become distressed, my brain struggles to
cope. Because I also suffer from Post-Traumatic
Stress Disorder, I tend to be hyper-vigilant, and can
break down if I feel unsafe. It is during these mo-
ments that my psychosis comes back to haunt me,
because when I panic so fiercely, I can lose touch
By: Vanessa Perruzza
Illustrator: Amanda La Mantia
with reality. But none of that is my fault, and Ive
learned to live with it in a healthy way. Sometimes,
I can even laugh at some of my worst moments!
In winter of first year, I was in the midst of a bad
episode while walking through Queens Park with
a friend. I was very touch-sensitive and had a lot
of trouble wearing clothes at the time, so I wasnt
dressed very warmly, aside from my jacket. As we
walked, a small feather started poking out of my
winter coat, and tickled my skin. In my fragile state,
I suddenly became convinced that there were bugs
trying to eat through my skin, and I began to panic.
In the very middle of Queens park, I unzipped my
coat and threw it to the ground, screaming and
crying. And then, in a moment of Hulk-like rage,
took my tiny tank top in my hands and ripped it
in half, leaving me very naked in the snow. Dont
worry, you have permision to laugh. It was certainly
a shining moment in my life.
I was very lucky to have an incredible support sys-
tem. Someone who loved me very deeply took care
of me, and made sure I was safe, and as healthy as
I could be. But some people arent like me. Holly-
wood director Paul Dalio has bipolar 1 as well, and
he, like me, experienced psychosis. Unfortunately,
he ended up in jail because of it. Can you imagine
being so sick and so scared, but because our judi-
cial system is so unaware/unequipped in regards to
mental illness, you are incarcerated instead of given
the care you need? His story ends happily, however,
and he went on to make a movie about having bi-
polar disorder called Touched by Fire.
My experiences dont touch upon more severe
forms of psychosis disorder, like Schizophrenia or
Schizoaffective Disorder, but hopefully they can
help you understand that people like me arent
dangerous or crazy. Were just people. We have pas-
sions and fears and we take Ubers and eat brunch,
just like everyone else. So next time you want to call
your ex a psycho, pause and reconsider. I mean,
Im sure they didnt rip their clothes to shreds in the
middle of a public park.
As always, if you have questions to ask me, just send
me an email at vanessa.perruzza@mail.utoronto.
ca and we can talk. And thank you for reading this
article and engaging in a conversation that I believe
can change lives.
thank you
Dearest Trinity,
An Awkward, Self Confessing Love Letter to Trinity
I finished my last exam on December 7, only to find that many of my
friends were leaving just the day after. I wouldnt leave town for Vancouver
until the 21st, which meant I had two weeks to kick back and relax. Well, not
reallyI needed to do research for an essay due in February and study for an
exam in early January, but it was still a welcome break. Finding myself with
nothing to do, I ended up returning to my anime to-watch list, and picked
out the one show that had sparked my curiosity a while agoHyouka.
The premise of the show is simple: Four first-year students with very differ-
ent personalities, go out of their way to solve mysteries. The show provides
a slice-of-life picture of high school, and fans have responded well to its nat-
uralistic approach to storytelling. As a result of its limited scale, the show is
able to delve deeply into character development and play out the interac-
tions between the distinctive personalities of its protagonists. Perhaps most
importantly, the show is able to illustrate how the varied passions (or lack
thereof) of its characters inform their school lives.
Watching this show, I found myself reflecting on the few months that Ive
spent here. How have my passions informed my life as a student and member
of college? As a first-year, how have I managed to fit in with the community
of Trinity College and the many aspects of its student life?
At first glance, it may seem like Im doing just fine. I mingle with students
across all years during meals at Strachan, participate in my Trin One classes,
and regularly attend high table dinners, parties and the Lit. That said, theres
still a great deal that makes me feel unsuited for the environment in which
I find myself. I never seem to fit in with any group of people that I joinif
Im even able to in the first placeand my introverted personality leaves me
unable to initate meaningful interaction. The humour in my Lit speeches
always seems to fall flat, and Ive almost never stayed beyond two hours at
a party. Ive never seen an episode of Gilmore Girls (and dont intend to),
and anime isnt something that many people in the college seem to have an
interest in, like I do. In a college with such a varied range of student activities
and personalities, I still find that my awkward social nature and bookishness
make me stand out and not in a good way.
All this has left me with one thing to say to you, Trinity.
Thank you.
Thank you for your kindness, patience and warm attempts at making me feel
like I do belong. Thank you for your guidance and enlightenment while Ive
found my place in the college community. Thank you for letting me refine
and change as a person. Thank you for letting me discover my own avenues
for growth and improvement. Even though Ive been at odds with many of
the people here over preferences and tastes, hobbies and activities, habits and
prospects, these last few months have probably been the best in my life so far.
I have become more independent and open-minded in almost all aspects of
my daily life and personality.
Maybe Ill have to make this a little more personal to make the picture a little
more well-rounded. I did not fit in well with others in my younger years, es-
pecially in middle and high school. I was not only practically inept at mean-
ingful social conversation outside my close friends and family due to low
self-esteem, but I was also embarrassingly assertive, oftentimes irrationally
so. This would cause me to draw myself into highly defensive and tearful
shouting matches with others when they didnt deserve it. Not helping my
self-assessed worth was my poor physique, which resulted from bad eating,
lack of exercise, and a surgery that impaired my flexibility and still does.
The fact that I had few people to relate to and lean on didnt help matters
eithernot even fictional characters would do me justice.
Perhaps Im still that same kid, but I feel Ive been improving. This process
begain even before I left Hong Kong for Canada, in my last years at high
school, I had made efforts to interact more with others, keeping my head up
rather than down, and balancing out a newfound confidence with a cooler
temperament. I worked on my physique by joining and training with the
schools cross-country and track and field teams, I discovered mindfulness
and meditation, and used that as a means of feeling more in touch with my-
self. And while I cant say it has all fully worked out for me, I look back and
see significant and positive changes in myself.
And Trin has only improved this growth. As a community with a more di-
verse background than any Ive ever encountered, Trinity provides a wealth
of viewpoints. Despite the occasional objection I may have to a questionable
practice in the student body, this community has allowed me to find a niche
that others will appreciate. Likewise, I can recognize and respect the many
other groups that make up the community. My interest in anime has grown
since coming to Trinity, and I cannot express enough appreciation for the
fact that this unique interest of mine has actually helped me in meaningful,
personal, face-to-face conversation with others rather than divided me.
Perhaps what what has mattered most to me at Trinity College is my my
character development. I am the run-of-the-mill archetypical male protago-
nist, in my late teens yet still possessing a mentality of at least a couple years
below my age. Around me are people of all walks of life who nonetheless
have an undeniable influence on me, even if sometimes only in the most
mundane of ways, reinforcing and refining my personality into one that I
can proudly call my own.
So where do I go now? Since the new term began, Ive started to go out a
lot more, loosened up, explored new modes of discussion, and found myself
more thoroughly involved in club and extracurricular activities than before.
Its not the end of my character arc just yet, but I think Ive hit a major
milestone and will reach another one soon enough. And its all thanks to the
writers and guides who led me along to this. Thank you for bringing true
light into my Trin life and taking me down this way. Whatever youve done,
know that Im thankful for you and that this is my love letter to you.
To: Aceel, Alec, Alex, Amr, Andrew, Andy, Anthony, Arjun, Aryaman,
Avneet, Basil, Bill, Buster, Buzz, Carter, Charlie, Chris, David, Debby, Edie,
Emily, Ernest, Fares, Gabe, Grace, Haris, Harry, Henry, Hunter, Isaac, Ivan,
Jack, Jane, Jason, Jason, Jing, Jonathan, Julia, Jury, Katie, Katrina, Leila,
Lisa, Louis, Luis, Lukas, Maclean, Marcus, Maria-Alba, Mario, Marissa,
Mark, Mark, Marley, Micaela, Michael, Mike, Nadim, Nick, Nick, Nish,
Noah, Pierre, Ruth, Sabrina, Sam, Sam, Sarah, Simon, Tom, Ursula, Vic-
toria, Weston, and Zach.
From Milton Chow
February 2017 31
 When
Carrie
met
Louis...
By: Damian Klambauer
Illustrator: Clare OBrien
Oh joyous day! An evening soire with bae!
But what to wear, what to wear?!
Louis Riel paced the floors of his Front Street
condo, half-assembled outfits strewn about
his feet. He had to get this exactly right.
Much like leading a resistance movement
against the newly-constructed Canadian
government, you only get one chance to
make a great second impression. When he
first met Carrie at a Hillary victory party, she
took his breath away. His one ambition now
was to win her love and become Louis David
Fisher-Riel. He knew that she was into him
too, for they immediately clicked and she
invited him to her post-inauguration cocktail
party tonight.
Things seemed to be falling into place for
Louis Riel. Justin was Prime Minister and had
made many promises about finally treating
Riels people justly; America had looked a
xenophobic, misogynist, racist, climate-de-
nying, angry cheeto in the eye and soundly
rejected him, choosing instead the most
qualified woman to ever run for president;
and now Louis was in love with a princess
from beyond the stars.
After much searching he found the right
outfita three-piece wool ensemble with
a starched collarand he began applying
essential oils to his majestic moustache;
oils that, with any luck, would be messily
smudged off by the end of the night. With
his sartorial search complete, Louis turned
32
his attention to picking out the perfect gift to
prove his love to Carrie.
Siri AdSuggest, show me kinky valen-
tines gift suggestions, he declared in a
thick, sensuous bass voice that rumbled like
the sea, shaking windows and causing knees
to wobble for miles around.
Okay, I found these dinky violet Heinz sug-
gestions. The robotic tones that issued
forth sounded hollow and unfeeling, nothing
at all like his memory of Carries melodious
purr. Would you like to browse them?
No, I said VAL-EN-TINEs gift suggestions,
the Daddy of Manitoba repeated.
I see. I found three Valentines gift sugges-
tions. I will list them now:
LoveMate Suction-Cup Shower Handles
and Footrests. Scrub those hard to reach
places in comfort and safety! With Love-
Mate, youll experience just the right amount
of friction, no matter the steaminess!
His and Her Lasertag Style Paintball
Guns. The competition will never see it com-
ing! Splatter your enemies with ultraviolet
reflective paint. Their lasers cant touch you,
but your Jackson Pollock-esque paintball
skills will colour your date impressed.
YumCo Edible Beef Jerky Underwear. My
love for you is savoury, my sweet. Slip these
silky smooth briefs on your lover and eat
your way to a salty surprise. 1 pack included.
Avoid skin contact with the silica gel pack.
Ugh thats enough, Siri, I think Ive got the
idea. Bummed out by the crass salacious
banality of these suggestions, Louis became
woke and realized for the first time the soul-
crushing weight of capitalism upon the hu-
man psyche. He became overcome with the
desire to regress to a simpler, more magical
time; a time of childish wonder and glee, di-
vorced from the sort of hollow consumerism
that uses four layers of indestructible plastic
as the disposable packaging for a novelty
pair of meat-panties that will be thrown out
and picked-over by raccoons with no self-re-
spect before morning. He wanted Christmas.
Louis strode across his spacious condo,
pressed play on a pointlessly overpriced
stereo system, and sat down on his couch
to listen to Mariah Careys masterpiece All
I Want For Christmas Is You, whereupon
he came to an epiphany. The divas voice
echoed uncomfortably off the cathedral
ceilings of his penthouse, the sound qual-
ity mangled by tiny speakers that somehow
manage to introduce 15 millisecond delays
randomly throughout the recording. Louis
realized that spending money on something
doesnt make it real and that maybe the real
gift is himself. He resolved to better himself
so that he might be more deserving of Car-
ries love. He then proceeded to lock himself
in the bathroom and start manscaping.
anti
klamactic
Buttery Shortcuts
By: Anna Trikas
Illustrator: Kira James
B
eing a commuter at Trinity can seem in-
convenient at times. While res students
complain about the quality of Strachan
food, were all just dying for another fifteen free
meals at least its not another bowl of cereal,
right? Not to mention that if you plan on visiting
the gym, a nice restaurant, or a high table after
class, youd better be prepared to cart a bunch
of luggage around with you all day. This mission
could prove quite challenging if youre as forget-
ful as I am, which is why Ive come up with the
following tips and tricks to make even the most
stressful commute a little more bearable.
1. Pack your lunch the night before
Its easy to forget to pack a lunch on a Monday
morning. But by packing the night before, you
have absolutely no excuse to waste another Stra-
chan meal. We only get fifteen, so use them wise-
ly. Technically, youre getting the most bang for
your buck if you save your freebies for high ta-
bles and dinners when you are extremely hungry,
so its best to brown bag it, unless youre planning
on feasting. Which brings us to the next tip.
2. Store your lunch in the NRAC fridge
Having to carry your lunch box around with you
all day can be a huge chore. Using the fridge in
the NRAC common room is especially handy,
since theres a microwave nearby, as well as tea
and snacks available to everyone who visits! Just
make sure you dont forget food in there it real-
ly starts to stink after a while.
If you plan on visiting the gym,
a nice restaurant, or a high table after class,
youd better be
prepared to cart a bunch of luggage
around with you all day.
Tips for Trinity's Commuters
3. Wear your high table outfit all day
Okay, so for this one I dont mean that you should
attend your classes and tutorials in heels and a fan-
cy dress. However, a trick that the Female Head of
NRAC uses herself is to wear a high table outfit
underneath a knit sweater during the day. That
way, when its time to get fancy, the only thing re-
quired is taking off the sweater and throwing on a
pair of nice shoes. Voila!
4. Always bring your own tea with you
This tip isnt exactly Trin specific, but its one that
you can use at all times. Every commuting student
knows that the $1.50 here and there spent on cof-
fee and teas can easily add up. Since most coffee
shops will give you a cup of hot water for free, you
can easily avoid wasting cash that could otherwise
be spent on subway fare.
5. When in doubt, visit the Porters
If you find yourself in a situation where you really
have far too many things to carry, you can always
ask the porters to hold on to something for you.
This can come in handy when a gym bag or an
extra pair of shoes is necessary for your day plans.
6. When you do need to buy food...
Of course, even the most diligent planners will
eventually either forget their lunch or, at the very
least, be hungry for an extra snack. This is when
the Butterys food stations come in handy. Toast
costs a mere $0.60, and there is a jar of peanut
butter in the NRAC common room bought spe-
cifically for toast-buyers. This makes for a perfect
inexpensive snack, or even lunch. Unfortunately,
for those of us who are allergic to peanuts, this
isnt an option. (Please get Sunbutter, NRAC!)
7. Almost everything you could ever need
or want for your student apartment is
available at Dollarama
This tip can be accredited to Yours Truly, Liz
Gross. Need a garbage bin? Dollarama. Want
some cute storage buckets? Dollarama. Cute,
potted fake plants? You guessed it, Dollarama.
In fact, the only thing Liz says you shouldnt try
getting from Dollarama is hummus. Unless unre-
frigerated concrete is your thing.
9. Resist the temptation to Uber
Staying at the library until late on a cold night can
make calling an Uber all the more tempting (Im
looking at you Gigi!). Instead of Ubering home,
walk or subway. I know its a pain, but think of
all the mulla youre saving. The walk can be nice
if you plug your earphones in and tune right out.
10. Sometimes, being a hobbit is your best
bet
Lastly, there are some nights/days where you just
want to go home after class. Even though you
know youd probably be more productive at Ro-
barts, who really hates themselves enough (other
than Amanda La Mantia) to try studying there
anyways? These kinds of days are when hobbiting
is the answer. Just go home, take off your shoes,
put on your pjs, and study away. Or if youre like
me and Liz (the expert hobbits), watch some Gos-
sip Girl and The Office. Meme making is also an
option, but Id recommend against it unless your
memes are super dank.
FEBRUARY 2017 33
 ondifaq
By: Ondiek Oduor
Illustrator: Claire Shenstone-Harris
Hey soul sister, aint that Mr. Mister on the radio, stereo
The way you move aint fair you know
Hey soul sister, I dont wanna miss a single thing you
do tonight
Admit it. While reading those words, you sang
it in your head. Fucking Train.
Usually you (yes, YOU) cringe when you hear
that song anywhere. Partly because it reminds
you of those dreary weekday mornings, when
youd always be running ten minutes late to
your independent co-ed day school. It would
always be because of this, excuse my language,
G-DAMN song. These men never failed to
convince your mom that preparing another
one of her special morning punches for the
road was a good idea. I mean, shed always
say that theres no real officers out and about
in the morning. Shed tell you that she didnt
know that she raised a fucking narc. Martha,
the crossing guard were you gonna rat to her?
Unlikely, bitch.
Have you seen my keys, echoes endlessly in
your head as you continue to think about Train.
Until it stops, because oh yeah - you also hate
that song because it makes you remember that
another Valentines Day is on its merry fuck-
ing way. Unlike Madonna, youre not a virgin,
but like her, you will die alone because everyone
dies alone. Marilyn Monroe, Rihanna, Jesus
himself these are just a couple of people who
have and will die alone.
Sunny days, everybody loves them. Tell me
baby, can you stand the rain? your mom whis-
pers to you as she empties your leftover scram-
bled eggs into the familys new Pottery Barn
pottery-influenced, barn-styled garbage can.
On that note, welcome to the Valentines issue
of OndiFAQ. Drinking and driving is not okay,
and please remember that drinking spirits dur-
ing pregnancy can, in fact, harm your children.
Pour yourself some Arbor Mist, and take my
hand spinster grandma because...
Were going on a Journey Snoop Dogg
(California Gurls, 2010)
34
500 MORE DAYS OF BEING ALONE
Q: Dear ON/OFF,
I hope youre feeling better. At least I think thats what I should say? I dont know your web content
really confuses me. I mean, like I laugh, but at the same time, like, I dont know whether I was just meant
to laugh, or if I should be messaging to ask if youre okay? Why do you keep sharing links to songs by the
Smiths? Should I be attaching the Kids Help Phone number to our conversation?
Okay, onto my actual question! Okay, so me and my girlfriend Veronica just became Vine official today
after months of birthday cake vodka hook-ups. Up until that point, wed been good, but after about 30
seconds of trying to learn more about each other, I learned that she was a Taurus. This put me in a ter-
rible predicament. Im an air sign. Not just any air sign either both my moon and sun are Gemini rising.
Listen man, I know that youre a Taurus, because youve made that exceedingly clear with your paradoxi-
cal need for both routine validation and for self-destructive behaviours. What am I supposed to do in this
situation? How would you feel if you found out your One and Only was a Gemini?
I keep texting the bae whenever I finish daily tasks on my list of daily tasks that need to be taken care
of like brushing my teeth and putting my contacts in. She doesnt have read receipts turned on, and she
sometimes takes twelve minutes to respond to my daily check-ins.
Should I break up with her?
Yours truly,
Lov3rBoi1999
A: Hi Lov3rBoi1999,
To respond to the first half of your letter, thank you very much for the num-
ber and your good wishes.
I send my deepest condolences to you. Its difficult being a Gemini, and
while some ignorant people might say its a lifestyle choice, I know that you
were born this way. Hate the sin, love the person. Thats how I connect with
air signs.
Being a Gemini, you should probably accept that, while Veronica has her
faults, shes probably the best youll ever have. The vitriol Geminis receive
sucks, but its understandable since you guys are mostly garbage humans.
Snakes with human traits.
Please understand that she will routinely answer text messages three days later with a, sorry lol I was
asleep good how are u? Its just in the Taurus blood to be this way. Were like regular people except our
phones are on airplane mode 24/7 unless we need something. Also, well spend our last $37 on a tall can
and a cute clearance shirt from TopShop instead of buying groceries. Foods great, but it becomes poop
in the end. Cute Kanye peasant shirts are forever.
She doesnt need to change because this is perfectly normal human behaviour. Instead, I think you need
to start working on your toxic Gemini tendencies. Always remember that not everything has to be a pro-
duction. Life is not a one-man production of Funny Girl, Rachel Berry, so please turn that knob back to
simmer.
Basically, stop being annoying dude. Fermer ta bouche. Thats my advice.
Best,
Ondi
Q: Dear Ondoody,

Im such a huge fan of your column! I love how you always make Q: Dear Ondo Calrissian,
a strong case for young people in their early twenties to prioritize
themselves before anything else. Why sift through horse shit to find Can you survive on
a ring, right? I can buy a cubic zirconia at Shoppers Drug Mart
AND get optimum points for it. farts alone?
I love myself so, so much. I know thats dumb to say, but your
genuine and kind words have taught me that I have to love myself
Seriously,
first. How the hell are you going to love somebody else if you cant Gas Giant Frosh
love yourself ? Theres so much truth to that.

I dont know, I just feel so free. I even, on a whim, bought a bra

online. I didnt even try it on!

So, I guess my question for you is:

What is your favourite Degrassi episode?
Mine was the episode where Manny got the abobo!

Please let me know as soon as possible,

Holly J. Frosh

A: Hi Holly J. Frosh,

Thank you so very much for your beautiful words. If my writing can save even
one person from experiencing the Canadian equivalent of middle American
life, then I can die happy. Alone but happy.

Getting Optimum points is truly the most ideal method through which you
can liberate yourself from lifes perpetual hardships. The feeling of getting
Optimum points gives me the same tingling sensation that I get from listening
to a really good Will Smith song while pre-ing with friends.

Dont ever stop, Holly J.

Anyway, I think my favourite episode of Degrassi is the episode where Emma

Nelson dealt with the aftermath of Ricks school shooting by giving Jay blow-
jays down by the ravine. In the episode, she earned a jelly bracelet for every
time she would go down on Jay, but every other girl in school knew what those
bracelets meant. They didnt even have Twitter back then.

I really like the episode because Emma catches gonorrhea and shouts at Jay for
giving her a social disease. Yeah, thats my favourite episode. A: Hi Gas Giant Frosh,
I never liked Emma as a character, but her willingness to hide the fact that
she has gonorrhea from her kissing partner in the school play really took this Yes.
episode to new heights.
Best,
Ondi
Besides, I just love the jelly bracelet aesthetic.

Best,
Ondi

February 2017 35
HOROSCOPES
AQUARIUS
Jan 20 - Feb 18
With the shit show going on in the stars right now, Aquarians
LEO
will feel a little out of sorts this month. You may be stressed,
which is unusual because you are usually pretty laid-back.
Maybe its all the midterms you have coming up, or all the ob-
noxious heart-shaped capitalist bullshit you see everywhere.
If youre sad being alone on Valentines Day, just remember
no one loves you on any other day of the year either.
Perfect V-Day Date: Romantic Dinner in Strachan
Famous Aquarius: Jason Patrick, Amy Cao, Neve Klassen
Pisces, this month is full of annoying responsibilities and oth-
Feb 19 - Mar 20
PISCES
VIRGO
er things you hate. To avoid going completely crazy, make
sure you still have some time to relax. This may mean telling
your TA you had an emergency that made you miss tutorial
when really you were watching Netflix in bed, but heyan
occasional white lie doesnt hurt. And if someone calls you
out on lying, just say you are presenting alternative facts.
Perfect V-Day Date: Babysitting Toby the Dog
Famous Pisces: Ethan Raymond, Davis Haugen
Happy Valentines Day, Aries! I hope your day is solidly above
ARIES Mar 21 - Apr 20
LIBRA
average. Your stars say that you may be feeling discouraged
about your love life, but there is still hope! Even though lit-
erally every single celebrity couple broke up in 2016, Miley
and Liam got back together, so true love really must ex-
ist. Lets just hope that you have more luck this year than
Brangelina did.
Perfect V-Day Date: Watching Netflix Alone
Famous Aries: Emma Dennis, Olivia Moon, Edward Sulitzer
SCORPIO
Hey Taurus! This month is going to be full of surprises and
TAURUSApr 21 - May 21
discovering new things. Unfortunately, this isnt good news
in terms of self-discovery. Even when you thought that there
was nothing else you could fail at, you will find out that
theres another skill that you dont possess. Yay!
Perfect V-Day Date: Trip to Paris (**hint hint**)
Famous Taurus: Me, Billie Rose Owen, Graydon Kelch
As a Gemini, you are probably one of those people who
GEMINIMay 22 - Jun 20
complains about how Valentines Day is a capitalist scam
CAPRICORN SAGITTARIUS
made up by advertisers to try to pressure people into buy-
ing stuff they dont need under the false pretenses of love
and romance. And you are correct. However, it is a perfect
excuse to express how much you love yourself through retail
therapy. Your bank account may scream no, but your heart is
screaming yes, and thats all that matters! Treat yo self.
Perfect V-Day Date: Arguing at the TCM
Famous Gemini: Tyler Rogerson, Lauren Woolfrey, Hunter
Peebles, Sam Kokonis, Phil Schwarz, Damian Klambauer
Saturn is fighting with Aries this month, so the stars are go-
Jun 21 - Jul 22
CANCER
ing to make your life unnecessarily difficult. Kind of like that
feeling where someone makes you move your stuff to sit
beside you in class even though there are literally so many
other seats that they could sit in. So that sucks.
Perfect V-Day Date: Watching Tasty Videos Together
Famous Cancer: Arielle Zhivko, Ernest Leung, Elise Wagner
36
Leo, roses are red
By: Rachel Copp Clark
Jul 23 - Aug 22
Violets are blue
You stole my heart
There is a map in your room
It leads to the treasure
You have 2 hours
Perfect V-Day Date: Starting a Flame War in the 2020 Face-
book Group
Famous Leo: Sarah Ingle, Madalina Maxim
Surprise! You might actually have a decent month, Virgo.
Aug 23 - Sep 22
Reading week is coming up, Kim Kardashian is back on In-
stagram, and all is good in the world. Try not to take it for
granted though, because Mercury goes into retrograde in
April and we all know what that means.
Perfect V-Day Date: Buying Discounted Chocolate on Feb-
ruary 15th
Famous Virgo: Molly Cong, Danielle Pal, Alex Smith, Mary
Debono, Scarlett Watkins, Milton Chow
The Sun is moving through your house of Venus, which means
Sep 23 - Oct 22
that life might give you a tough time for the next couple of
weeks. But try not to let life get you down. Every time you
fall, its important to be able to pick yourself back up again.
This includes falling on your face at quad party.
Perfect V-Day Date: Buying Calculators for Each Other at
the U of T Bookstore
Famous Libra: Maddy Torrie, Don Ian, Katie Harris
Saturn is moving into your Mercury this month, meaning that
Oct 23 - Nov 21
you are in for a rude awakening. But seriously, stop falling
asleep in the JCR because security will catch you and wake
you up and that isnt fun for anyone. Get yourself together
Scorpio, goddammit.
Perfect V-Day Date: Romantic Trip to New Ho King
Famous Scorpio: Hannah Cho, Grace Marshall, Ally Lu, Fares
Kardous, Emma Bailey, Alex McKeever, Lauren Ishak
How are your New Years resolutions going, Sagittarius?
Nov 22 - Dec 21
Hahaha just kidding. We both know that you gave those up
by 2pm on January 1st. Im not judging you though, doing
healthy and responsible stuff is so hard and eating Strachan
hash browns is so easy. Take the day off to watch Netflix and
eat chocolates that are the shape of your non-existent heart.
Perfect V-Day Date: Hiding from your Problems
Famous Sagittarius: Toby the Dog, Sam Howard, Jing Wang
With Venus entering your Capricorn, you may be feeling a
Dec 22 - Jan 19
little down. This isnt surprising, as 2016 seems like it was the
most garbage year ever. Cheer up though, because things
arent as bad as they seem! 2016 definitely wasnt as bad as
the years 1346-1353 where literally everyone got the plague
and died. I should be a motivational speaker, I know.
Perfect V-Day Date: Start Preparing for Quad party Sign-up
Famous Capricorn: Emily Chu, Simon Broer, Haris Raheel,
Eilanr OHalloran, Michael Switzer, Zena Xing