I placed my music down as she said play whenever youre ready.

Her heavy accent helped

enlighten the situation. I put the rest to my shoulder and my bow in hand, In front of me was the

music I had been playing over and over again for the last few days. I began to play and

everything seemed fine until five seconds in she said ok that's enough. I froze, A layer of ice

covered my body.

In 4th grade a new chance came to light. I was able to join the orchestra at my school, penn

elementary. Without questioning it I picked violin out instinct, It just seemed like the more fun

instrument. After one class I looked forward to the rest . Elementary ended and now began

middle school. New campus, new people, starting all over again. As time progressed I made new

friends and adapted but I had left my musical interest behind just as I did with penn elementary. I

was encouraged to continue music by my family but I just ignored their advice. My mom would

say Hijo busca una maestra, ya no te gusta el violn o que? Id respond saying no with the

voice of a spoiled brat. That part of my life was over... or at least I thought it was. At the time my

sense of music was a very awkward mix of dubstep or electronic music. The other ingredient to

the mix was film soundtrack, more specifically John Williams and his masterful work such as the

Star Wars original soundtrack. It was so intriguing to me how his music is what created that

emotion of a film. I would always tell myself without music there is no movie. I thought this

was just my current taste in music, but in a way it sparked something in my brain.

8th grade was when it called to me. I looked around me everyday and everyone had their talents.

The pianists, singers, guitarists, and so on, then there was me. Talentless until someone that
impacted my life came around. I wanted to express it didnt know how. My arts and crafts are as

good as picassos perfect representation of the average face, my voice as deep and rigid as an

untuned bass. And the one talent I used to have left behind. Due to my devotion to them I

decided to begin anew. I went home that day digging the depths of my closet looking for my old

instrument. After much digging I finally noticed the black thread case in the corner of the dark

closet. The flashlight barely defined its shape. I took the case out and slowly opened it not

knowing what I might see after three years of storage. I finally see the familiar red velvet interior

just to find a pair of loose strings snapped from their place. I guess it was a way of the world

telling me you have a long road ahead. I got it fixed in a few days of finally getting up and

making the effort. Finally an old instrument back in my hands ready to be played after its long

wait. The first thing I heard as my bow struck the strings was like nails on a chalkboard.

Whatever I had in mind was not happening any time soon. I could barely read music or tell it

apart. I refreshed my memory as much as possible on notes and their places on the strings. I felt

like I had come back to elementary when I barely started, clueless... but looking forward to what

might come next.

After months at refurbishing my knowledge I knew there was nothing left I could teach myself

so I sought out a mentor. I visited the website and after much research on the many options I had,

Id found the one.

We spoke through the website and I told my story, then the first lesson came around. When I

arrived and knocked on the gated door I shook as I hear the locks being turned on the inner door,

I was depending on the impression I may give. A stranger Id only seen in pictures online came
out through the door. At first glance I could tell she had a gentle soul, a very kind person. Lucky

I wasnt wrong. Souaad Nuoz is one of the kindest and most welcoming people Ive ever met.

this first lesson was basically a review to see what I truly knew. I would speak normally but

inside I wanted to get the lesson over with just to get the embarrassing mess ups and terrible

intonation done. In the end I knew she was going to be a great teacher and that I would learn so

much, I had found a new start.

After that May of 2015, Souaad and I met once a week every week for about 30 minutes. It

doesn't seem like much but you can learn a lot in that time. Trust me, I know from experience.

As the lessons continued I had more trust and comfort with her which is something someone

sometimes never finds with a teacher. The difference between elementary and now with Souaad

is that back then we were just a group of 10 - 11 year olds guided by one teacher to play the same

thing synchronized. Here I felt more free. I knew what I wanted to learn and how I wanted to

improve, what my goal was. Each and every lesson I felt an improvement, week by week. Where

I am now wouldnt have been possible without Souaad and I am very grateful for her teachings

and truly admire the talent she has shared with me.

In june 2015 Souaad announced to all her students that there would soon be a recital, this would

be my first time performing alone. Just the thought of being up in front of no more than 20

people made tremble and gave me the chills. The date was set for July 10th and for every day it

came closer to the recital the more I would practice. A few minutes became an hour, from an

hour to a few hours. The trembling got worse until the day came. It took place in Souaads living
room. The audience consisted of relatives of students including my parents of course. I sat and

waited in my own mind until I was next. Once up there my music was on the stand staring at me

along the small crowd. I just began to play. As my violin emitted sound a stiffness came over

me, lucky it wasnt noticeable in the music. The more I played the loser my body got and by the

last part of the piece I just played freely as if no one was watching. I will admit I messed up a

few times but hopefully no one besides Souaad noticed. As the bow was of the string soon after

that last note was played people clapped and I just smiled back hiding the trembling in my chest.

I go back to where I was and felt every part of my body just loosen as I finally got it over with. A

few students went after me and then the reception started. A few people I had never met in my

life approached me during that time and complemented what I had just done. It gave me this joy

but behind it all I just thought to myself I could do better. My first performance was a success

but it was the first of many.

Around October 2015 Souaad introduced me too ECYS but I ignored it. Later on she mentioned

it again, not insisting but just as a reminder. I told her I still wasnt sure. I left our lesson that day

with the thought front and center. The stage that my brain had built had the audition in the

spotlight. Ive never auditioned in my life, but there is always a first time for everything. That

fall afternoon I filled out the online sign up sheet and just awaited for a response. I was excited

for what was to come. I thought it might be a few days for the symphony to get back to me,

instead weeks went by and no response. I emailed and called and nothing. Maybe they saw my

information and thought I wasnt good enough.

It was January 28 2016 and I was now 16 years old. My birthday had just passed a week ago and

still no response. The one highlight of my long wait was my brand new violin my dad had given

me for christmas. I checked my email with little to no hope of a response that day, but It didnt

hurt to look. I scrolled after a few promotions to suddenly find a strange email from someone by

the name of Alexandra Keegan. I read... Dear Samuel and family,We received your online

audition application. Your audition is scheduled for Saturday, January 30, 2016 at 9:30am

Location: Cuyamaca College We look forward to seeing you.Sincerely, Alexandra Keegan

Executive Director East County Youth Symphony

As soon as I read this a rush of joy had hit me. I showed my mom and called Souaad to

let them all know this was really happening. I re read the email and realized something. I had

only two days to prepare. They came and went although I wished they hadnt. I needed more

time, this could be a step up or a step down. I feared the worst.

That morning on the 30th I woke up very early and my parents drove me all the way up to

cuyamaca college. I had that feeling again, that feeling of time stopping and thinking of all

possible outcomes. The whole ride there I just looked out the window to see all of these cars

driving up north. You would see different drivers with different expressions, I wondered if they

had my same feeling but for different reasons. When we finally arrived I wasnt sure where to go

until I followed the signs. It was a very open space between the car and the actual campus. I ran

to the first stairs I saw that said B-301 3rd floor. I ran the stairs with my music and instrument

in hand. The many flights of stairs exhausted the air in my lungs so when I made it to the top I

was gasping for air, then I saw the room door. I hesitated for a little bit. Who knew what was

past that door. A room full of people for the same reason Im there, or maybe it's the wrong
room. I take a deep breath and walk past the door. It was wide carpet floored classroom. Clearly

a music room as the board had prelabeled music staffs and the room was big enough to fit a

small orchestra, yet it was empty. A few chairs here and there and only two other people besides

me. A very tall white kid, about 17 or 18 was sitting in the middle of the room playing his violin,

probably going over his music for his audition. In the other end of the room was a little girl with

her mom. I arrived on time, a little bit early maybe. I sat by the entrance tuning my violin waiting

for whoever was in charge to call me in. The anticipation was killing.I was lost in thought. After

a few minutes a redheaded woman came out from a back door in the corner of the room. She

called my name with a heavy russian accent. I smirked a little but deep inside I shook. My music

in hand with my instrument at my side out of its case, I followed her to the other room. It was

much smaller than the last space we were in, like a conference room. She sat on a chair around

the long table. In front her was you typical black metal stand. I placed my music down as she

said play whenever youre ready. Her heavy accent still made me laugh inside, it helped

enlighten the situation. I placed the rest to my shoulder and my bow in hand, In front of me was

the music I had been playing over and over again for the last few days. It felt like I might not

even need the music. I began to play and everything seemed fine until five seconds in she said

ok that's enough. I froze, Another layer of ice covered my body. What had I done wrong? Did I

mess up? Did I sound bad, What happened??? All these thoughts rushed my brain like a speeding

car. Is it harder for you when you switch to the E string? she asked me after stopping me. Its

not much of a struggle for me but I guess there is some tension I replied innocently. She then

showed me a trick with your elbow which made it more comfortable. Then she commented on

how teachers nowadays dont teach that anymore although the should. Im sure Souaad had
mentioned it once but Instead of saying anything I just agreed. Well that's it She said with a

high pitch to her voice. Im going to put you with the advanced division. Id signed up for the

symphony orchestra which was below the advanced division. I was in shock from the news I had

just been given but with a big smile across my face. We left the room and went back to the larger

empty room. My parents waiting to see what happened. The redheaded woman, who was indeed

Alexandra Keegan, told my parents all they needed to know, where I had been placed, the music

Id be playing, where wed have rehearsal and so on. I wasnt paying attention. I was just

roaming my own mind thinking Im in an orchestra.

A few weeks passed and Rehearsals had begun. I was Violin 2 but was mostly intrigued by the

Violin 1 section. The people who had that part were much better than me, they played beautifully

although the key of the music was very heavy and dramatic. It was very astonishing. The

problem was that they were younger than me. I was the high schooler sophomore while these 7th

and 8th graders were playing as if it were their whole life. Why was I not violin 1? It made me

think of the past, how I just brushed this off. It made me regret the three years wasted on a

fantasy of being a djay and electronic music being my life. If I would have continued then I

would be better, much better.