When I Saw Her!

It was the day of calmness, it was the day of despair, it was the
age of love, it was the age of foolishness. It was the era of
innocence, it was the era of fraudulence.

Unlike his room, the temperature outside was a bit wintry. The
unforeseen hail of his hands hair follicles to the winter wind was a
witness. Clad with so many clothes that you would take him as a decent
beggar. The colorless fluid was uninterruptedly pouring through his nose.
Besides it, he got his all beddings burned while stealing an apple in a
daydream.

There was a lot going in his mind.

Before a minute the beddings were quite a scene to be looked at. The
riotous crumbs of fire jointly launched an attack on it and devastated it
beyond recognition. Pillow was entirely ravaged. The quilt which was patch
worked had now become a reservoir of carbon monoxide. Fuming thick
black smoke out of it.The sheet, carpet everything near his bed was
disfigured. Even his wallet was not spared.

All these blows blowed up his head. He was agitated to the bone. These
hurting moments stirred up his mind and he started to look up for some
solace.

He piled up all the debris, wore a hooded tunic and decided to go outside.
The moment he turned his eyes towards the other end of a road lit up his
entire soul.

Despite the harsh weather,

The burning scandal, (KAAND)
Everything discouraging.

Did he saw the wallet brimmed with money? Or an angel walking down to
him? Or his dead friend coming back to life?

Neither of these assumptions are true.

A girl slowly sauntered towards him. A loose outer garment was hanging
from her shoulders. Besides it, her entire being was covered leaving only
her face visible to him. Enough to know that she was the one who comes
to his dreams every day and night.

He had not seen her earlier.

Never.

But could conjure up her face in his dreams.

Can we see the things exactly in our dreams, nonetheless, not having seen
them in our life? Is it possible?

His heart, mind, hands every goddamn organ of body used to think about
her. All the energy radiating from his organs intensified to the limit that
it created a virtual image on his retina. Thus, he was able to see her.

Bas Aaj Tak woh lamhaa yaad kar kar k jee raha hai.

A girl slowly sauntered towards him!

Even Malicious Mirage surfaced his knees to the ground. He kissed his
courage. Nothing could stop him to meet the pool. In the graveyard of
hopelessness he found a ray of hope.

The thirst would be quenched?

He saw her! She was there in front of him.

The Whole universe had just gone to a short nap. Everything froze to
death. The wind however continued to move. Those shivery waves
reminded him of his life. He and his dream were still alive.

As she paced ahead the whole universe walked with her. Everything
defied death and came back to life.

She stopped; the entire universe came to a halt. She walked; the whole
universe followed her.

He was about to call her. And then his memory failed him! He didnt know
her name. And decided to greet her. Whilst his mind was busy in selecting
the appropriate greeting word the girl had walked herself away from him.

His heart was hit with a hurt. Like you waited a world for a shooting star
and it showed up when you looked down to assuage the pain in your eyes.

Gut-wrenching, gutted to death, a pang of anguish assaulted his heart.

He watched her going away and could do nothing to stop her. Instead of
solace he met agony. Instead of sympathy he met hostility.

The wind joined his grief; it swooshed wildly and vandalized everything
that came in its way. The wind avenged the grief of his comrade.

With half-burned fire-pot and half-dead heart he dashed towards home.

Sufferings would wax and wane; hope will come and go. He decided to
follow her. A hasty pickup of torn out shoe; cursory glance on his clothes;
a note of ten rupees.

And then he stormed like a wind towards his destiny.

Khayal rakh ae dil yeh ranj tumhe na umeed na bana de!

Lately, but the sun chanced to rose that day. A spirited anchor with a
furious tail was dancing on his back. There was a blunderbuss hiding under
his belt. The joy came and hurled his anchor right into the pants of grief
and dragged him to the lostness. To the nowhere! To the hell!

Behind her was he. She was inching away from him. Her every single
footstep would took his breath away. Like that fish whom a kid tossed
and then scooped out of water. Toss and scoop!

His heart was beating like a machine with hundred goddamn engines!

Unable to dissolve the distance between. He chose a new plan.

1.23.!

Even the angels situated on his two shoulders failed to count the number
of acts he did. But she never looked back!
Does she know me? Does she even care for me? Nevertheless, these
questions kicked his heart to death. But he sustained! He refused to
believe in them.

Almost nineteen reasons took birth in his mind. All of them transformed
into strong beings. And everyone was right behind her screaming, I care
for you and I know you.

While he was lost in the world of fantasy. A car went by and stopped
right next to her. She gripped straps of her backpack, knelt down her
shoulders and climbed into the car.

When he came out of phantasm he saw a road littered with yellowish half-
melt snow flakes. What his eyes were looking for had been taken away. He
cursed himself. At least he could saw her in his mind. Now, there was
nothingness!

He grumbled and commanded his legs to join his mind. He decided to run.
Run, till he could find her. He struggled to suffer. He fixed soles of his
shoes, threw his mobile inside the deepest pocket and started to drift
away.

Could he find her?..

As if roots had divorced branches.

Somebody was behind the conspiracy. The soul was shackled and his
longing suppressed.

The more he tried to get close to her

The farther would he found himself

If your heart loves someone with ultimate earnestness, every particle in

this universe would conspire to help you get it. But someones animosity
was keeping soul away from body. As if in a ravishing river a maleficent
whirlpool was destroying everything that came in its way.

With his hands constantly in air, he tried to stop so many vehicles. No one
would hit the brake for him.
One of his eyes was keeping the track of car in which his dream sat. And
another desperately looking for a lift. What if he would lost the track of
car? Where would he look for her? To whom would he ask?

The bus honked and disassembled the whole crowd of worries battling
around his forehead. Even though, there was barely an inch of space
where he could place his foot. The vehement storm of love; the faithful
pinching in his heart. He treasured those desires and clambered up the
rooftop of bus.

He had never done that before. To what extent can a person go to meet
his beloved?

He dodged high-tension power lines, ducked near the giant branches and
above all fought bravely with the bone-chilling waves of Chilai-Kalan.

It was hard to face these hardships and simultaneously keeping the track
of her car. But then he was a Romeo. His heart ached for her!

After a while the bus stopped and so did the car. He watched her
scrambling out of car. He gave the note of ten rupees to fare collector
and walked himself towards her.

The tides are exploding like an agitated lion is roaring its anger.
Furiously, they rise and fall. Beware! Everything becomes a mystery
that tries to cross its way. Day before, a ship full of life was
vandalized and its survivors mutilated.

Destiny cant be desired here.

A dungeon crowded with humongous sharks and you came out

unharmed, dont brave the monsters of tide. The devastating heat
will singe your skin.

But the life; anything can happen here. He survived all the trials and
tribulations. In this cosmic sea he could vividly see the ship of his life. An
inch away. The sailor was destined to set his ship to the shore.

He could watch the gestures of gratitude being sent to the car driver.
Afraid of being symbolized as a stalker, he took the other lane. Now, the
two were walking parallel on either side of road. Hesitatingly, his eyes
would stagger to get a glance of her face. The rays were not hitting the
exact spot hence the image was always blurred.

It was a thoroughfare. Among all living beings only he was following her.
And this distinction knocked up the Lucifer. His friend saw him trading
the peeks. Atif was a bad-ass, always ready to screw his peeps.

Hey! Ahmed. What are you up-to?

(Waveringly) How are you Atif?
What are you doing here, you said you were busy in exams?
Yeah. I came here to buy physics reference.
Ooh! Physics Reference or looking for a chance?
What do you mean?
Nothing brother, just learn to control expression when you are lying.

This conversation was a total disaster, along with embarrassment it

blotted out her from his sight. He didnt knew his name. One chance to
find her in the multitude ate away the rabbit. How can he find her?

Color recognitionism. He recapitulated the color of her scarf, outer

garment, her shoes. He even cursed the fraternity of fashion designing.
There were many people who wore similar garments.

A crystal of gem fell in the bag full of rice.

Yet again, he lost her..

He never dared to ask for what rightfully belonged to him. To ask

for a favor was an otherworldly concept for him. He was a kind of
guy who would gaze intently into the eyes of storekeeper till he wont
get his extra money back. His abdominal fraternity regarded his
behaviour with disdain. Invariably, they had to settle for less. Had
there been a judicial system in homo sapiens they would have filed
hundred cases like: Right to equality, Right to food, Right to
express

I forgot to mention the day in, day out pandemonium of Hunger

Hormones.

To find her in this populated market, would his behaviour help or kill him?
As he was oblivious in examining the color of garments. His mobile phone
vibrated. The vibration was so strongly sound that it shuddered his entire
skeleton. The screen was blinking with his fathers name on it. He made a
rugged grimace and answered the call.

Where the hell are you?

Are you done with your studies?
You have only five months remaining for the MBBS exam?
Come home or I will lynch you.

The tale of torture didnt restrain him. He was ready to place his
finger in the hands of heart. The arrows of chastisement ran through
his bones, made a dent in his soul and ravaged his entire being. But,
a shred of love outweighed all the agony.

Back to his world, he telephoned his friend.

Atif, Where are you?

I am lingering around.
Come here.
Okay!

Atif met him and they together went to locate her. After an hour they
were able to find a girl who wore the similar outfit. He dashed towards
her and positioned himself parallel to her on the other end of road. To
confirm that she was she he waited till she would turn around. Quite a
time elapsed but she wont turn her face around. As his longing faltered
someone called the girl from behind. He saw her!

In this world, it is better to leave somethings unseen and

unheard..

It wasnt her!

A rush of wind had rustled some pages from past.

He had not seen her from ages. Her name was Aamina and she was
beautiful!

Long before, Ahmed and Aamina walked together the road of life. Hand in
hand they rambled, strolled and crossed horizons. Sometimes, the
surface was ragged and sometimes smooth as velvet. Everything dies!
And such happened here. The road died into two diversions. Nature had
decided something different for them. Until then, they were happy and
had unwary view of the world. Lost in their own microcosm, they didnt
delve into the knotty and tangled realities of life. They were naive! Were
not they?

Past is pain.

Coagulated, pores occluded and the bruise clotted. A nudge of past ruined
it. Blood started to ooze out, rolled down the stairs and wasted everyone
in its way. The clot felt like a pebble, who for thousand years stands
steadfast against boiling heat and frosty cold, watches himself turning
into stone and then to a rock. And then a gentle blow pulverizes it into
pieces. Millions of minutes destroyed by a second!

Ahmed eyed her for a while. And then helped his eyes to move across the
road. He decided to go home.

This time, he shouldered his way to the inside of local bus. Besides
pumping blood, his heart stored an ocean of pain. With so much of
anguish, it was difficult to even breathe. That day, he almost met death.
The weird pushing, jostling and squeezing of crowd bolstered his pain.
While Ahmed was trying to breath, someone stuffed his elbow right into
the groove that connects nose with the upper lip. An aged man canvassed
his shoes with mountain of mud. (Joote ko Magroor bana Dala). A
pickpocket assaulted his buttocks. The bumpy road would never let his
hands to check his wallet.

He didnt die, but saw the hell.

Eventually, the bus stopped and he was able to put up with all the
frustrating bearings.

Ahmed scrabbled out of the bus and marched towards his home. Walking
through the morphologically distinct potholes revealed a secret of his
shoes. The outsole of his shoe was completely corrupted by the gang of
punctures. Grief was pouring even from underneath.The water drained
into his insole as if a pothole and puncture were in a osmotic relationship.
On one side the chemistry of Ahmed with that girl was in a bad way and
here biology was dancing on his heels. The irony!
To attenuate the effect of grief hormones he was in search of an
empathy. And where could he get it besides home?

Hold your breath, the tale of tribulations didnt end up here. Right
outside of his house he was molested. The two tires of a car were the
miscreants. They squirted hundreds of mud particles; all of them landed
on his body. Some barged into his mouth and some banged his ear canals.
He ran his eyes all over the body and it took him a second to retaliate. He
picked up some of the horrendously disgusting curses and invectives from
his department of abusing and damage control and hurled all of them
at the driver. He looked daggers at him. (Driver ki shahmat aayi thi ki
woh brake marta)

With mud all over his body, he opened the front door of house. The sound
of closing of door and fathers shout echoed simultaneously in his ears.
Ahmeds father would have never known about his arrival had there been
no Detective Window carved in the kitchen wall. A traditional camera
set to lookout for the creepy movements.

He was busted!

He was hungry; had not eaten anything since morning.The sun was bidding
adieu to this part of world. It was the typical dusk time. Rather than a
plate of rice he was welcomed with the worst kind of jibes. And the
derision was followed by a powerful slap on his face. It striked so hard
that a part of his face reflected blood.

Like most of fathers: he compared him with his classmates.

Look at Nasir, how hardworking he is?

Rehan was your classmate, he is studying in delhi?
You are not worth a shred.
All of them will sell you at the price of a peanut.

He didnt make a sound. He would bear all of this but cant risk his secret.
The secret of love. Yes, he loved her.

Thousands of tears came to his rescue. All of them dripped through

his eyes and streamed across the geography of his face. No hair
follicle, no goddamn uneven structure dared to stop them. They ran
so hard and quick as if they had conspired to avenge his father. If
his mother had not stood up to assuage his anguish, the tears would
have swamped and inundated the entire house.

Eventually, the episode of torture ended and Ahmed went to his

room.

He whacked the door open with his knee. Turned the knob of deadbolt,
fastened both the chitkhis and threw himself on the bed.

There he was lying, a devastated soul. Parasitized and paralyzed by grief.

Every tear of his was imbibed by the cushion- A graveyard of tears.

For him, the entire universe had shrink itself to a chamber. Billions of
square feet, inhabited by trillions of human beings didnt exist for him.
His room was his world. He didnt know about the man basking somewhere
in America in his unmentionables. He didnt know either about the haggard
husband who was greedily stuffing chicken legs into his mouth? The sight
of a miserable child dragging his cart of litter and his response to the
people who call him a scavenger could have mollified his grief. He wanted
to give up and could see nothing but despair.

Agony gnawed at his soul.

Ahmed had sobbed himself to sleep. An hour passed away. Around 7 pm

his mobile vibrated and it nearly gave him heart attack. An unknown
number was blinking on the screen. This triggered a debate in his mind.
One part was assuming, Could this be a call from beloved? and another
section was speculating, How can she call me, she doesnt even know me?
He answered the call and to his dismay it was his friend on the other end.
He quietly answered his friend and the answers were in yes and no.

Ahmed woke up from the stupor of weariness and reached to his tissue.
He dabbed the corners of his eyes and squatted on the bed.

He ran his eyes across the room.The rustle of a page pasted on the wall
caught his attention. He looked carefully and read all the lines on it.

It was a quote, written by him a year ago.

To Agony
Hey there, if you are listening. I want you to get this point in your
head that I am not going to falter, my courage will never dither and
I am not going to give up on your pathetic interrogations. You
scatter-brain, dumb-headed donkey. I will invoke upon my eyes,
ears, a nose, my giant brain, my limbs and my bloody ten fingers.
We all will kick your butt. You will be forever doomed and damned.)

Ahmed was surprised and all the sufferings packed their things and ran
away from his life.

Ahmed decided to fight.

He promised himself that if he dies, he will die fighting.